Carolina in my mind
Chapter 26
It took about a day to get prepared for the governor's inevitable return. They stacked pallets and metal tables along the catwalk and in the courtyard to hide behind. Loaded guns were placed in strategic locations. They stationed a guard in the tower with the best vantage point and made a schedule to ensure that someone would be up there at all times. And they parked a few vehicles filled with gas and supplies outside the far side of the prison in the woods, in case their plan went bad and they needed to make a run for it.
After that, there was nothing to do but wait. Carolina amused herself by watching Tyreese follow Michonne around, trying to small talk her while she tried equally as hard to avoid and ignore. Carolina wasn't sure if the dick was that bad, or if Michonne just wasn't interested in forming a relationship with the man. But either way, watching their awkward interactions was the only quality entertainment Carolina had lately. She would rather just hang out with Merle. But all the waiting around was turning him into a more obnoxious jerk than usual. Carolina didn't hold it against him. They were all on edge. But she was grateful that the administration offices were cleared so she had somewhere she could go to get a break. The long days of impatient waiting and increasingly short tempers certainly were not featured on amc.
Carolina wasn't really afraid of the attack she knew was coming. Things were different in this reality. But there was no reality where the governor was going to turn a bunch of office workers and housewives into a fearless militia in a few days. Especially when he'd kept them safe in his manufactured utopia since almost the very beginning of the turn. He had a few more soldiers than he would have if Merle had done his final suicide attack. But there was no doubt in Carolina's mind that all of them would still tuck tail and run at the first sign of return gunfire, just like they did on the show. Especially since the group the governor was coming for was stronger than the group he faced when she watched the conflict play out on her television.
Carolina counted out the differences in her mind from this group to the one she saw defeat the governor on the show. Merle was alive. Which also meant that Daryl was focused on the coming fight instead of being an emotional train wreck. T-Dog was alive. He wasn't a great shot but if it came down to actual fighting he could kick some ass. They had Tyreese and his sharp shooter sister on their side. That was an obvious plus. And since Merle had no part in Maggie's kidnapping or sexual assault, Glenn was focused on taking down the governor instead of stirring shit up with Merle. Rick also seemed more focused and less scattered. Whatever was going on between him and Lori still seemed to be distracting him. But at least he wasn't talking to dead people on an unplugged phone. And they have me, Carolina thought with a giggle, they're really lucky I'm here to save all their asses from this season's big bad.
"What's funny?," Daryl asked, poking his head into the abandoned prison office. Carolina smiled. She already had a lit cigarette between her fingers, blowing the smoke out through the tiny opening in the window. But she pulled her pack out anyway, offering one to Daryl. He didn't hesitate to move forward. Lowering himself onto the cluttered desktop next to her, he took her cigarette and used the cherry end to light his before handing it back.
"Gonna tell me what ya were sittin' in here by yerself laughin' about?," he asked after a few puffs on his smoke.
Carolina was leaning her head against the window frame. And she didn't turn it towards him when he spoke. She just flicked her eyes in his direction just long enough to know that Daryl had a tight smile playing at the corners of his mouth. The fact that she was always laughing or smiling seemed to be a matter of some curiosity to him. She wasn't sure if he thought she was cute, crazy, or maybe a little bit of both. But either way, she was glad that her sunny disposition was a source of amusement and not annoyance to him.
"I was just thinking about what giant pussies you and your brother are," Carolina teased. "You know it's really a good thing you have me here to protect you when the governor comes back."
Daryl was sucking in a drag off his smoke when she made her joke. And he choked on it, his laughter mixing in with the strangled barking cough. Daryl pounded on his chest, shaking his head at her as he wiped the water from his eyes. Carolina suspected it was her calling Merle a pussy that put him over the edge. Because he was still grinning even though he was obviously trying not to.
"Daryl? Are you smiling? I didn't even know you had teeth."
Despite the way that he was pressing his lips together in a tight line, Daryl's smile still widened slightly at her observation. The color was rising in his cheeks, turning him pink almost all the way to the tips of his ears. Daryl shook his head, making his hair mop forward into his eyes. His hair wasn't really long enough for him to hide behind. Not yet anyway. But he was doing his best to obscure as much of his face as he could. Carolina reached across the small space between them, moving slowly because she didn't want to startle him. She half expected him to jerk away from her touch. But Daryl held his ground, allowing her to brush his bangs back out of his eyes. She let her hand linger, her fingers twining into his hair as her thumb brushed softly across the line of his jaw.
Before she realized what was happening, Carolina found herself mesmerized by his deep set hooded eyes. They were a brighter blue than they looked from further away. And they reminded her of the ocean. Not just because of the color, but because of how easy it would be to get lost in them. The air between them was suddenly thick with electric tension. And a fluttering sensation was starting down in the base of her stomach.
When Daryl reached up, Carolina expected him to pull her hand away from his neck. But instead, he caught her by the wrist, anchoring her there as he turned his face into her touch. Somewhere in her mind, Carolina knew that what they were doing was a bad idea. The last thing she needed to be doing while they were waiting for the governor's attack was to go stirring up shit between Merle and Daryl. If Merle thought his brother was even sniffing in her direction it would be on like donkey kong. And they weren't even being discreet. The door to the office they were sitting in was wide open. Anyone could walk by at any time and see them touching. But none of that seemed to matter. The world shifted and faded away, leaving only the present moment and the feel of Daryl's lips brushing against the heel of her palm. They'd touched a few times before. But this felt different. More deliberate. Her tongue flicked up, wetting her lips as she leaned towards him.
The jarring sound of the prison alarm system startled them both. Carolina jerked back, burning herself slightly with the lit end of her cigarette. And Daryl nearly jumped out of his skin. He grabbed for his bow first, adjusting the strap over his shoulder before he grabbed Carolina by the hand.
"He's comin'. We gotta go now."
Carolina nodded, sucking at her burnt finger as she rushed down the hall behind Daryl. People were already in the common area of the prison when they arrived, strapping on the mostly clean riot gear and grabbing for weapons. They'd run through the plan enough times as a group that there was no need for discussion. Everyone knew their places and what they were expected to do. Only Carl seemed hesitant, stopping in the doorway to look back with a scowl on his face before he disappeared towards the tombs after his mother and Hershel. Carolina pulled her vest on, cringing at the way it smashed her breasts against her chest. She felt like she couldn't get a full breath in with it on. Especially after Merle grabbed her by the arm and tightened the straps on the fucking thing.
Their assigned position was on the catwalk, behind a large metal table that was turned on its side. As she followed Merle towards the spot, Glenn was passing by them going the opposite direction. Carolina gasped when Merle snatched him by the arm, stopping Glenn and pulling him close enough that he could hiss into his ear. She knew that the intense animosity wasn't there between them, like it was on the show. But when Merle moved into Glenn's personal space like that, she still half expected them to start fighting.
"I don't care what that prick cop says," Merle hissed. "If ya get a clear shot on that piece of shit, ya take it. Ya hear me?"
Glenn nodded, unbothered by Merle's uninvited touch. He lifted his fist, bumping it into Merle's before he continued on his way. Carolina didn't want to stop anyone from getting along, least of all Glenn and Merle. But seeing them act like they were friends still felt totally unnatural.
"Stay down," Merle ordered, pointing behind the middle of the long metal table. Carolina rolled her eyes. But given that this wasn't the time for an argument, she did as she was told and crouched behind the table. Further down the catwalk, she could see Daryl and Sasha behind another table. And though she couldn't see them, she knew the rest of the group was positioned in the courtyard. The heavy prison doors were hanging wide open. And so were the gates.
It didn't take as long as she expected for the governor to arrive. He stopped the majority of his vehicles far outside the prison, approaching the prison on foot and keeping himself behind the one truck they pulled in through the gates. Carolina peeked around the edge of the table. The group of would-be soldiers looked nervous. She guessed they were expecting a fight at the gates. Being able to simply stroll into the gated courtyard had to be unsettling.
Even though it was part of the plan, watching the governor enter the prison itself was unsettling. Carolina noticed that quite a few of his people seemed to feel the same way. Because they were hovering outside the prison doors, looking around the courtyard with wide eyes. She wondered if they believed the prison was abandoned. Or if they knew they were walking into a trap. Carolina scanned the group, watching for any sign of Maritnez or Andrea. She figured Milton wouldn't have come even if he was still alive. But she didn't see either of them in the governor's ranks. She hoped Martinez made a run for it, like he did on the show. Andrea was most likely already dead.
The loud blare of the prison alarm system startled Carolina for the second time that day. Even though she knew it was coming, the loud pulsing noise made her jump. In a world where safety depended on one's ability to keep quiet to avoid attracting the dead, the sound immediately put her nerves on edge. She knew the governor's people were scared nearly shitless by it. Some of them took off running without hesitation. And the others were quick to follow suit, storming through the courtyard before the shooting even started. Carolina pulled the trigger on her gun, firing at the ground near their feet. That was the plan. They didn't want to kill all these people if they could help it.
When she saw one of the more heavily armed men fall, Carolina glanced at Merle. He was not aiming at the ground, as planned. He was taking out the actual soldiers in the group. One by one, they fell. And then he set his sights on the governor. Carolina saw Merle's body tense as he shifted himself around, trying to get a better angle. It felt like he was moving in slow motion. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears as he stood up, giving up the protection of the metal table to get a better shot. He fired. But a young man was running past the governor in his hurry to escape the place. The bullet hit him instead. And then the governor fired back. Carolina could hear herself screaming. But the noise sounded like it was coming from under water. The bullet hit Merle in the gut, below his safety vest. Blood splashing out his back as he fell. Carolina screamed again. And then she was leaning over him, pressing her hands down over the wound as the blood bubbled up between her fingers.
"Merle!," she screamed, looking up at Daryl before she glanced out into the courtyard. The attacking army was fleeing, running for their lives. And the governor was running with them. Daryl was hesitating, his urge to go after the man warring with his desire to help his brother. "DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY," Carolina screamed, the desperation and urgency clear in her voice. If the governor got away, more people would die. Not just all his people that he was about to gun down. But a lot of others. Including Hershel. "Go! GO! I've got him!"
Daryl took one more look at the puddle of blood seeping out of his brother's body before he stepped over them and ran. The minutes ticked by like hours before Carolina saw him lead their group towards the gates and after the man that led the attack on them. She kept her hands on Merle's gut, watching him fade in and out of consciousness. She needed help. She needed Hershel. But she couldn't run to fetch the man. If she released the pressure on Merle's wound, he'd bleed out in a matter of minutes. Carolina didn't know what else to do other than to keep pressing down with her bloody hands and pray Daryl alerted someone inside the prison to what was happening. She wasn't even a real nurse.
"We're coming!," Carol shrieked.
Carolina looked up. She didn't see Hershel. But she still breathed a huge sigh of relief when she saw Carol rushing down the catwalk towards her. Tyreese and Carl were close behind her, pushing a prison hospital gurney. It was awkward trying to maneuver in the narrow catwalk. But Tyreese managed to get Merle up into the gurney without her having to take her hands completely off the wound. Carol shoved a towel under him. And Carolina lifted her hands just long enough for another folded towel to be placed on top of the wound.
They rushed Merle inside the prison where Hershel was waiting. He looked determined, ready to do anything he possibly could to save his patient. But after only a few moments, Carolina could see the devastation creeping across the old man's face. Merle had been shot through the gut. He was vomiting blood. And some of the blood bubbling from the gunshot wound was dark, nearly black. He'd either been shot through the liver. Or the bullet was tainted somehow. By the time Hershel got Merle patched up enough to keep him from bleeding out right there on the gurney, he was already burning up with fever.
It was Lori that finally pulled Carolina away, unstrapping her swat vest and pulling it off her to keep her from hyperventilating. Carolina let the slender woman lead her outside and sit her down by a bucket of creek water. She stuck her hands in the bucket, letting the sun warmed water rinse the blood away. Lori used a rag to wipe off her face and arms as best she could. The swat vest took the worst of the mess, leaving her clothes oddly clean underneath. Carolina got to suck one deep breath in before Hershel was urging her back inside. Merle had come to, at least partially. And he was fighting the rest of them, swinging the metal sleeve on his arm around wildly as he attempted to climb up and off the gurney. Thankfully, he didn't seem to remember that he still had a gun strapped to his belt or someone might have been shot.
"Hey," Carolina soothed. "It's okay." At the sound of her voice, Merle stopped struggling almost immediately. Though the bandage around his middle was already soaked with fresh blood. Carolina helped Hershel adjust the gurney, lowering it to the ground so that if Merle did fall or roll himself out of it, at least he wouldn't have a hard fall. Then Carolina lowered herself down onto the gurney and lifted Merle's head, placing it gently in her lap.
"You got shot. These people are trying to help you," she said, stroking her hand through the short coarse crop of his hair. His entire face and scalp felt like they were on fire. Carolina glanced up at Hershel. "Don't we have anything you can give him for the pain?"
"We have narcotics," Hershel admitted. He'd taken them from the supply stash and hidden them away in case anyone had the bright idea of having themselves a little party. "But I don't think he can swallow anything in his condition."
"Shoot him up," she said, adding when she saw the concerned look on Hershel's face, "...it's not like it would be the first time." Hershel nodded before he shuffled off.
Carolina closed her eyes when the old farmer shot what looked like enough liquified vicodin into Merle's arm to subdue a farm animal. And she was still sitting that way when Daryl finally returned. Her eyes closed and her head leaning back against the wall. Merle was holding onto her hand with his one good one as she gently stroked over his hair with the fingertips of her other hand. She had no idea how long she'd been sitting there. Long enough that her body had gone stiff and partially numb some time ago.
Looking up, Carolina met Daryl's eyes with hers. She didn't need to ask him if they got the governor. The dejected look on his face said it all. Daryl ticked his head towards his brother. Carolina sighed before she shook her head just slightly, her body tensing when she saw Daryl's face contort in pain. The shift in her body rousted Merle. And he blinked his eyes open, looking up at Daryl.
"Little brother," Merle grumbled, releasing her hand so he could beckon Daryl closer. "...been waitin' fer ya." The moment Daryl was close enough, Merle snatched him by the front of his shirt. The loud rip of fabric made Carolina gasp. "Ya get me outta this goddamn place. Ya get me outta here now. I'm not gonna die in fucking prison."
"Merle," Daryl argued, "...come on man. Ya can't get up. Ya gotta stay in bed until yer feelin' better."
"There ain't gonna be no feelin' better. I'm a fuckin' dead man. And I don't wanna die in a fuckin' cage."
"Let go of him," Carolina urged, reaching forward and gently prying Merle's fingers from the front of his brother's shirt. Merle reached up, catching her hand with his again. He tipped his head back, smiling up at her from her lap.
"M'sorry sugar," he drawled. "I fergot you were here." All she could do was shake her head at him and the way he'd suddenly turned on the charm for her even in his fevered state.
"I'll take you outside if that's what you want," she offered, sucking back the sorrow she could feel rising up in her chest. Carolina glanced at Daryl, hoping desperately that he was on board with what was about to happen. He sucked in a hard breath, blowing it out slowly before he nodded his head.
With the amount of pain medication Merle had flowing through his system, it wasn't as hard as Carolina expected for them to help him off the hospital gurney and out into the grassy part of the prison courtyard. She pretended she didn't see the rivulets of fresh blood that leaked from under his carefully applied bandage and ran down to wet his pants. His cheeks were pink from the fever, leaving the rest of his face ghostly pale.
Carolina sunk down onto her knees in the grass. "I'm sorry," she said, struggling for the words. "I thought after the silo, you were safe. This was my fault." Carolina was struggling to keep hold of the last bit of control she had over herself, unwilling to fill the last moments of his life with her tears.
"Wasn't yer fault," Merle said, turning away from her as he coughed up a wad of blood and spit it into the grass. "...I've been temptin' death all my life. The last little bit of it I had left was good 'cause of you." He reached forward, cupping her face and leaving a streak of blood across the round of her cheek. "Now I want ya ta go." His face went dark, indicating he was in no mood for an argument from her. "I gotta talk ta baby brother. And I don't want ya ta hafta see this shit."
Carolina nodded, too afraid that she would completely lose her shit if she opened her mouth to speak. She leaned forward, pressing a gentle lingering kiss to the side of his mouth. Then she forced herself up onto her feet and ran, trying to pretend she didn't see Merle pressing the gun from his holster into his brother's hand.
Carolina hit the cement wall, slamming her palms against it a few times before she sank down onto the ground. She crouched near the wall and clamped her hands over her ears as hard as she could. But it didn't stop her from hearing the loud crack of gunfire that broke the hushed silence of the prison yard. Or Daryl's loud sobbing that came after.