"M'lord," may we have ah word."
Thráin heard the voice, but it came from his blind side so he turned in that direction. A group of lesser lords that lived inside the halls of Erebor were clustered together like chickens with a wolf circling them. His personal guards prevented them from getting close enough to put a stiletto between his ribs.
"I'm on my way ta breakfast with our lovely elven lady guests," he replied. "Ye have two minutes of my time, an right here in the hall."
They looked nervously about and the leader, a lesser lord named Frár, cleared his throat. "It's about the lass yer son chose. We believe another spindly lass will bring more calamity upon the mountain."
Thráin's one eye narrowed to a slit and his jaw clenched under his beard. "Are ye saying my wife is the reason Smaug came?" He felt the shift of his guards to a more protective stance, but ignored them.
"Well, now that ye brought it up," the hapless lord pressed. "No good will come with another lass too skinny ta bear healthy sons."
"I didn't bring it up, Frár, you did." Thráin subtly switched to formal speech. "I don't recall any of my dwarflings being puny and if you want, I can arrange you to spar against Thorin this afternoon and determine for yourself his vitality."
"That won't be necessary, M'lord," Frár quickly amended. "It's not us, mind ye. We are just repeating what the common dwarves are bandying about. Ye know the dams gossip like fishwives of Lake-town. It is those that are grumbling against the lass."
Thráin did know and overheard more than one comment while on the trail of destitution when they ran from Smaug that it was the slender, beautiful princess that drew the dragon. Of course, they always shut up when they saw their prince nearby, but he heard enough malicious gossip and hoped they forgot with the passage of time. "Spread about that any such talk gets back to the lass or Thorin and the culprits will be caught and severely disciplined." He shook his head and continued to his private dining room.
Celeborn looked around his empty tent. His eyes fell upon a pile of jewelry and his heart beat a tempo of anguish that his actions destroyed something he knew she cherished for it was a gift he gave her a millennia before. He cursed his luck of being so close to treacherous dwarves that he lost control. He would allow a space of separation with her, but not too long. Their anniversary was days away and he wanted a special time with the wild child of the Helcaraxë on that day. He let his mind wander to the one time he knew he hurt her above all other times while his eyes took in the destruction he wrought.
I heard second hand news of the kinslaying and banishment of all Ñoldor that blew through the halls faster than a spring wind on the plains. I raced to catch them before they escaped the girdle and disappeared forever. In rage, I tossed a shirt Galadriel made for me in her face, shouted vile words that left a trail of tears on her cheeks and with a callous attitude spun my horse and rode away without a backwards glance. My pride at being fooled kept me from thinking clearly and I rode back into Menegroth in a daze. My heart was ripped asunder and I was sure to fade for grief. I let her go with harsh words in anger and saw tears that I caused, but…. but, she was a kinslayer and hid that fact behind lies and words of love I reasoned. I used that as my excuse over and over and sometimes until this day.
"Prince Celeborn, your horse, Sir," a page reminded me I was before the stables. Dismounting, I flung the reins at the elf and stalked off to find Elu Thingol and Melian. I found them in their private chambers, much larger and majestic than our parents, whose home I and my brother now lived as young adults.
"I demand that no Ñoldor ever set foot inside Menegroth ever again," I screamed in rage, still humiliated I was so easily fooled.
The rulers looked at me with sadness and I'm sure pity. It was Melian who answered. "For now, all Ñoldor are banished. Until we sort through the many tales and draw our own conclusion, the Sindar are safe from Ñoldor treachery."
Satisfied the evil ones were gone, I announced, "I'm going on patrol. If any try and enter the girdle, they will meet Faenrúth." I patted the handle of my sword, a gift from Elu Thingol on my hundredth begetting day.
"You need this time to heal, Celeborn. Go with our blessing and stay safe," Melian gave permission.
I gathered my necessities and stalked to the stables. "Re-saddle my horse," I ordered. Soon, I was flying through trees on trails both I and my horse knew by rote. Warriors bowed when I entered a camp on the eastern side of the girdle. Lord Amdír quickly drew me aside and learned the treachery of the Ñoldor."
"So you and Artanis will not wed?" Amdír wanted reassurance.
"I'll not marry a kinslayer," I ground out through my teeth. Night fell and I slipped away into a large tree to watch the lands to the east. Alone, I allowed my heart to break into a thousand pieces and tears trailed down my cheeks at losing someone as exquisite as her. I was so sure I found my soulmate and to have her ripped from my heart hurt beyond any pain swords ever inflicted.
The next day I announced I was leaving the girdle and didn't know when I would return.
"What will I tell the king?" Amdír asked and didn't wish to be held responsible for the actions of the high prince.
"If he asks you; tell him I am defending his realm and will return when ready."
Amdír watched me ride from the girdle and was sure Melian knew I was no longer under her protection or so I was told later.
I hunted to the east, riding into the Blue Mountains taking my anger out on any orc I encountered. I rode boldly into a swarm of twenty and slew them all with great satisfaction. Months passed and still my heart throbbed in agony. I dreaded sleeping and not for the foul creatures roaming unhindered. Sleep only brought waves of long silver-gold hair that I named Galadriel. I knew I could never call her Artanis again and the pain wasn't so unbearable with a name change. In time I knew I had to return and take up my title of prince, so with sorrow I wasn't lowly born, I turned my horse to the west one cold winter morning where frost on the ground crunched under the hooves of my horse.
I rode into Menegroth just over a year after the Ñoldor were vanquished. It looked the same, but I still felt empty inside. With heavy heart, I cleaned up and presented myself to the king and queen. Thingol was on his throne, overseeing petty squabbles and Melian at his side. In my place at the right hand of the king stood my brother, Galathil. All talking ceased and eyes turned to me as I approached the throne. I bowed to them and straightened, but didn't speak first.
Thingol acknowledged me. "Welcome home, Celeborn. Take your place at my side."
Galathil stepped to the side and I once again took up the mantel of High Prince. Later, in the private chambers of the king and queen, I divulged my year. Of the Ñoldor, not one word was said and I resumed my duties, but my heart was no longer in serving as prince and I spurned the company of Galathil and Lúthien. Melian suggested a hiatus to the sea.
I skirted around the new formed community of Nargothrond and threw a curse in that general direction as Malbung and our small band passed by. I resided in the vacation home of Thingol and Melian, but was often a guest for dinner in the home of Nowë and he asked me to call him Círdan when I dined with him and his family the first evening I was in Falas. "The sailors picked up the term from Númenor and it seems to fit me better than Nowë."
"Alright, Círdan, what would you have me do while I'm here?"
The shipwright studied me over his wineglass. "Your fëa is damaged. For now, rest and do what you will."
And I did. I spent early mornings riding my stallion over the foothills and afternoons stalking the harbors seeking knowledge. It was on a mid-summer's day that I spotted her. She had red hair that flowed down her back to her waist and was in a field picking wildflowers. I watched from the back of my horse as she cut some and discarded others and worked her way to my location. Finally she looked up and saw me staring.
"What is a maiden doing so far from the protection of the Haven's?" I asked.
"My job, sir," she replied.
"And what is your job?" I sarcastically asked and could see she saw my armor and determined I was a knight.
She lifted her chin proudly. "I select arrangements for the lord's supper tables."
I never paid any attention to the flowers that graced Círdan's table, but now could recall dinner was never compete without an arrangement to brighten the setting. I swung off my steed and approached her. "Tell me more of the flowers that brighten my meals."
She hesitated. "M'lord, I am a lowly handmaiden and you a warrior. Please don't waste your time with me. I have much work to do."
I took the basket from her hand and looked inside. "Tonight, while I dine with Lord Círdan, will these reside on his table?"
"Yes, M'lord," she quietly answered.
"And you come here every day?" I pressed.
"When these flowers are in season, yes."
"I look forward to our next meeting." I handed her the basket and mounted. Without a backwards glance, I rode away.
That night, for the first time, I was without nightmares of kinslayings and an elleth that luminesced with the light of the trees of Aman tormenting me. I awoke refreshed and figured the maiden in the field was responsible. I hurried to the field and spotted her on the far side, back to me and leaning over a bush of yellow roses. I plowed my horse through to her, not minding he crushed delicate plants under hooves shod with iron. "Lass, I have returned," I boasted and swung down.
She looked around startled and curtseyed. "Why are you here again?"
"To see you, of course," I boasted. "Tell me all about you. We'll start with your name."
"I'm Lárraki and you are?" Her grey eyes bored into my blue ones.
I looked surprised. "You don't know me?"
"If I did, I wouldn't inquire," she replied with impatience. "Please, sir, I am rather busy."
"Alright, I'm Prince Celeborn of Menegroth," I declared myself.
Her eyes went wide and face paled. "The High Prince?" she breathed.
"The one and only," I bragged. "But enough of me. Let me help you cut flowers and teach me how."
"Don't you have mighty deeds to do?" she asked.
I looked around. "Well…..normally I would be slaying a dragon about this time of day, but they all fled from me this morning."
She laughed and relaxed. "Well then, kind sir, I shall teach you all about flowers."
We spent the next hour walking and I absorbed her instructions. Not once did I think about the witch I left behind and knew fate or the Valar, if one believed in them, led me to this lass and a brighter future.
Every day for a fortnight, I was waiting in the field when she arrived. We became friends and I wanted more. "Lárraki, may I meet your parents?" I pressed.
She looked flustered for a moment. "I suppose so, but don't know how to introduce you."
I took her hand. "How about one who is interested in courting you." My deep, sincere voice had her contemplating it. Finally she nodded. She took me to her home and I met her parents and siblings. They were awed their sister and daughter caught the eye of the prince, though I told them I was just like them. I asked her adar for permission to see his daughter and he readily gave it without the usual interrogation a young courting ellon must endure.
I took her to all the best eateries and we dined under the watchful eye of Malbung and the entire Haven's. I enjoyed her simple company and lack of palace intrigue. We fished and strolled through the streets, oblivious to wagers on our possible marriage. I wanted to forget my troubles and she was smitten for the first time in her life.
It was on our three month anniversary that I kissed her tentatively for the first time. She responded and I tried not to be too disappointed and just enjoy her soft lips, but she didn't start a fire in my fëa. I decided we just needed more time and tried not to compare her to the first time I kissed Galadriel. My first taste of Galadriel's lips seared me to my core and I never wanted to let go. Kissing this lass made me feel like I was having an affair with another elleth and it didn't feel right. It didn't stop me from kissing her goodnight nightly from then on, but I didn't dare to do more than a few chaste grazes and didn't deepen the effort. And I refused to think about tempest eyes that shifted from blue to aquamarine in certain light or when her temper got the best of her.
The group of warriors I had traveled with were getting anxious to return home and some to families so I kept Malbung with me and discharged the rest. I sent a letter telling the king and queen I had found my true love and would be in the Havens until we wed. The return reply was brought by my brother. We had a joyful reunion and he was happy for me and said I had to introduce him to her.
"I'm not letting her anyplace near you until we are betrothed," I retorted. I knew Galathil was the better looking and turned heads of all available elleth. I wasn't that secure in my relationship with Lárraki and didn't want to be jilted like I did to Galadriel. Instead of anger at the thought of her; for the first time a small amount of remorse crept in that I hurt her. I quickly shook it off and enjoyed my visit with Galathil, for soon he was on the road back to Menegroth. He spread word I was to marry a lass from the sea.
I couldn't wait to see Lárraki and tell her of my visiting brother as the reason she hadn't seen me in a week. Melian and Thingol never said one word of encouragement in the letter they sent and it didn't enter my thoughts I should be worried. They just needed to get to know the lass I reasoned and after my disastrous courtship with the wild one, understood their reticence.
A few days later, I gave in to Círdan's request that I take time to dine with him, but not before one last stroll with my beloved. We walked to the docks one warm spring day. There being loaded onto barges were supplies and tools for a large scale construction. Curious, I stopped with Lárraki clinging to my arm and inquired. "Where is all this headed?"
"To Tindobel, M'lord," a sailor replied. "The Ñoldor, King Finrod is building Barad Nimras, as Sindar call it. Lord Círdan has agreed to the order and allows us to do business with King Finrod, but only him during the building. We've been ordered not to mingle with the Ñoldor doing the work. It's offload and sail back across the channel to here."
Círdan kept this from me and I felt myself growing angry that he would do business with them. Of course, I had been out of the loop for months, pursuing and courting the lass, Lárraki, so was unaware just how much interaction with the Ñoldor was going on. Thingol's words rushed back to me when I returned from my year in the Blue Mountains.
"I remember the king saying the Ñoldor are seeking penance for their crimes," I snarled at the hapless sailor and felt my hand crushing Lárraki's and let up my crushing grip.
"The white tower is a marvelous sight," the sailor gushed, unaware of my aching heart. "King Finrod has been most generous to us and pays promptly and extremely well. It's rumored he is working with dwarves and also taking Nargothrond underground like Menegroth is."
Once again I was shocked and a little angered that Círdan was keeping all this from me and another thought pierced my dense brain and I would take it up with the mariner in private. I escorted Lárraki home and for the first time in two weeks, since I started kissing her goodnight, I left without much more than saying, "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Celeborn, I haven't seen you in ages," Círdan greeted me when I sat to the supper table with his family. I had taken to eating the evening meal with Lárraki in the many public pubs Falas has to offer and other than one meal at Círdan's with Galathil, I hadn't even visited.
"Tell me, why are you keeping the doings of the Ñoldor from me and when did Finrod become a king?" I forgo pleasantries and got to the heart of my concerns.
Círdan regarded me without speaking for a spell, while I downed my first glass of wine and defiantly stared back at him. A servant was refilling my glass when he spoke. "Fingolfin crowned Finrod as king of Nargothrond. Finrod told me that King Fingolfin couldn't rule Nargothrond from such a distance and Finrod as eldest son of the High King Finarfin was a natural choice and needed a kingdom of his own to rule. As for not telling you; I didn't want to bring up painful memories. I know a broken romance can be difficult to get over."
"I'm over her," I snarled. "Besides, Lárraki is much better suited to be my wife. I want you to meet her."
"Dinner tomorrow night?" Círdan questioned and I found myself nodding.
"I will bring her here." That done, I repeated my question about why I wasn't informed about this so called tower.
"King Finrod has great anger towards you for what he perceives as a slight to his sister," Círdan tactfully began. "Your name came up when I told him you were now staying the Havens and I saw it in his eyes so dropped the topic. Celeborn, go and see Finrod. I know you two were close once. Even if you never see Artanis again, Finrod is going to be our neighbor and we could use an ally in the future. I don't expect you to forgive Fingolfin or his sons for killing elves, but the sons of Finarfin didn't kill their own."
I snorted skeptically. "And I suppose Finrod told you this?"
"And Fingolfin wrote me a letter apologizing for deceiving me and spelled out who did what at Alqualondë. Finrod repeated the same story and I'm sure hadn't a clue I already knew. There is much sorrow in the hearts of the Ñoldor."
"Well they can just march their sorrow back over the ice and go home," I ground out between my molars. The two glasses of wine I consumed was making me angry and not mellow and happy.
"Only they cannot go home," Círdan sadly replied. "Manwë himself banned them from ever returning. We are stuck with them unless it is we that sail."
"Just great," I snapped and started eating. Círdan's wife started asking me about Lárraki and what kind of food she would like.
I took Lárraki to meet Círdan's family and although polite, Círdan didn't give us his blessing and that troubled me. I knew he had never met Galadriel and had a fleeting thought that maybe Círdan would have blessed that union. I quickly squelched the notion and pursued Lárraki even harder.
Time passed, along with my anger, and I decided to go and see this monstrosity Finrod was constructing. I met Lárraki at her home early one morning before she went in search of flowers. "I will be gone for a few days," I stated and to her credit she didn't grill me, unlike another I tried not to think on." I only stayed long enough to give that message, mounted my steed and galloped away, anxious to get this distasteful task over with so Círdan would cease mentioning it every time we met.
I rode fast to the point where land meets ocean and long before arriving saw the tower of the white horn spiking into the sky like a sword piercing water, in the distance. Workers stopped to stare at me and word spread the High Prince had come. Before I dismounted, Finrod was before my horse, his expression neutral. Our last parting wasn't amicable and I did spurn his only sister.
"What brings you here, Celeborn?" he spoke first.
"To see your project and assist if you need it," I offered, but didn't apologize, for in my mind I was still the wronged one. "I saw ships not far away and I thought you might use a hand unloading."
Finrod pondered my offer and then shrugged. "We need all the hands we can get when unloading, but work is backbreaking hard and I'm sure you haven't done an honest day's work in your life."
"I am as capable of manual labor as you," I replied and saw him issue a slight smile and my anxious heart relaxed. I feared he would tell me to leave and I needed to talk to him and try and repair a once close friendship, even if not wedding his sister.
Laboriously we toiled side by side and he never spoke of her or any of his kin and I half expected there to be at any moment a Ñoldor uprising and to be slaughtered in my sleep. He must have wondered why I was here. As I was getting ready to leave the first time, I almost confided in him, but held back. I really didn't want to hurt Finrod or his sister any more than I already had, so bade him farewell, never expecting to see him for a long time if ever. I had a heavy heart all the way back to the Havens that nothing was settled between us.
Círdan seemed happy I made an effort to mend fences and started issuing tasks for me. Those assignments took me far away from the Havens, but I loved to travel and see new lands, so never turned down a trip, although it took me away from Lárraki. I was young and ignorant that Círdan was separating us on purpose.
Finrod's building project also intrigued me and I told Círdan and Lárraki that I was going back to help work on the tower.
At first, Lárraki was skeptical. "Do you think it's wise to spend so much time with kinslayers?"
I laughed at her fears. "Finrod's had plenty of opportunities to kill me. We used to hunt together and….," I trailed off before divulging my deep shame of jilting his sister to one I planned to wed. I suppose in time I would have to admit that she wasn't my first love.
I spent several months with Finrod and we even took to hunting in the early mornings and late evenings like we once did. Not one word of any other Ñoldor was mentioned and one fine day the tower was finished and a farewell party for the workers ensued that evening. Círdan agreed to man the lookout tower with Sindar and Green elves as Ñoldor weren't allowed to live in the Bay of Falas or its surrounding lands. Finrod and I were parting ways, maybe forever.
As we sat apart from the others with our plates and wine, Finrod suddenly stated, "I understand you are seeing a lass in Falas."
I felt all the blood drain from my face. Surely he hadn't told his sister. I wanted so much to ask how she was, but in light of what was just spoken, it would have been tactless. I said the first thing that popped into my head. "How…how did you find out?"
"I first learned of when I rode to Menegroth to sign an agreement with King Thingol. You do know trade has been restored between my realm and Thingol's?"
I shook my head in the negative. "Círdan has kept me traveling, so I get very little news." I sighed. "Yes, the rumors of me getting married are true."
He gave me a stunned look. "That's it? Not, she is the love of my life and I don't know what I was thinking until my eyes beheld hers?"
I knew I was being mocked, but didn't take the bait. I stood, tossed my plate into the grass and saddled my horse. Mounting, I looked down at him, still sitting on a bench with a plate in his lap. "I don't know if our paths will cross again, but I plan on carving out my own kingdom in these lands far to the east in the Blue Mountains. Beleriand is getting way too crowded."
Finrod stood and placed a hand over his heart and to my surprise gave a Sindar valediction. "The sun shone brighter when we were on the hunt together. May your dreams come to pass."
I nodded and rode away. On the way back to Falas, I wondered over and over, did she know?
When I returned, Falas was alive with a fair, celebrating another bountiful harvest. Trying to forget the Ñoldor and happy to see Lárraki again, I took her to the fair and got drunk. It was there, I foolishly declared that one day soon I would wed her.
The next day I informed Círdan. I expected Círdan to be overjoyed, but he only stated, "The king and queen have to approve any union, so don't do anything stupid and have to wed the lass." Then he pulled Malbung aside and had words with him. After that, my chaperone didn't so much as let me hold Lárraki's hand and any kisses were quickly interrupted. I was annoyed, but in my youthful state didn't see I was being played. Summer arrived and so did a message from Menegroth.
Círdan happily tracked me down by a rare visit to the large summer home of the king I was living in. "A messenger arrived from Menegroth. The king and queen are coming here for the summer solstice party and leaving Galathil and Lúthien in charge of Doriath."
Although I was sad not to see my brother, I also missed Thingol and Melian. "I look forward to introducing Lárraki to them," I responded.
Círdan paused. "I don't remember if I've mentioned it to you, but a small amount of trade between Nargothrond and Menegroth has resumed….and Artanis is once again a hand-maiden to Melian."
I felt my heart turn to stone and glared at him. "I'm sure you would have remembered telling me and I hearing such tidings. Don't play games with me, Círdan."
He assumed a look that said I pushed him too far. "I don't have to tell you anything, young prince. I'm doing so out of curtesy. Artanis will be here and I thought you might like to be forewarned."
"I'm over her," I boldly declared and saw him smile.
Just to prove I was indeed done with the Ñoldor witch, I surreptitiously spied on their entrance from a balcony at Círdan's palace. Since I was staying in the home of the king and queen, I decided to not go back there lest I encounter her. They trotted past the balcony I was hiding upon and I spotted her riding behind Melian with her head held high and eyes straight ahead. A jolt of longing flooded my fëa and I stepped back lest she see me. One look at her undid all the separation we suffered and I longed for her. Snarling in rage, I stormed from the palace out the back way and departed to the hills to hunt until the feast and I would introduce my soon to be betrothed to the King and Queen.
I first went to the home of Lárraki when I returned and invited her to a private party by Círdan the next day. I told her I was away avoiding the king lest he send me on an errand. Not quite a lie, but I wasn't sure he wouldn't do so.
I walked rapidly through the park avoiding markets where I would surely run into subjects that came with them. Her golden hair shone with the light of the trees of Aman and I couldn't miss it. I knew we had to talk before the party and now was a good time. I moved stealthy until standing over her. I longed the smile she greeted me with to be for me alone, but knew she hadn't a clue who stood over her. Her smile fell away and she turned back to her book and turned a page. Not sure what I was doing, I stated, 'I was told of your returning to Melian. I want you to know, I'm seeing someone else.' I hadn't intended to be so blunt, but just blurted it out. I knew it had no less effect on her than when I threw the shirt she made for me in her face and saw her go pale.
'Leave me, Celeborn.'
Her words were as cold as the ice she crossed. My feet didn't obey and my knees grew weak and I sank beside her, my eyes feasting on her beauty.
She finally put the book down and looked into my eyes, and coldly stated, "I'll not forget our parting or your cruel words. Yes, I'm related to the kinslayers. Although innocent of bloodshed, your actions made me very aware I am capable of killing another elf also."
"I wished to apologize for what I did and said." I tried to sound regretful and could see her listening and hurried on. "I never knew elves could murder one another, and for just a handful of ships. I suppose I was more shocked over what the killing was for than the actual event. The Teleri are my kin over the sea that were slaughtered."
"I'm half Teleri," she reminded me. "I'm also your third cousin so its best we never wed. I will find another as you did." She got up and walked away, head held high and her royal blood showing in every step.
My pride kept me from running after her. For the first time, I regretted inviting Lárraki to Círdan's party. I never wanted them to meet and felt sorry for the lass I dragged into this quandary. Lárraki's only crime was having her head turned by the title High Prince. I knew she wasn't my equal or even the one I wanted. I would take her to the party and then as tactfully as possible break it off and hope her family didn't cause a scene the king or Melian had to fix.
Celeborn roused from his morbid reflecting. The horn sounded announcing the tournament of elves was about to begin. He exited the tent to a handful of guards, still standing like statues with spears pointing to the sky. Instead of joining the others, he made a wide circuit and disappeared inside the open doors of Erebor.