Yukinoshita POV

Why did I say that…?

After leaving the club, that thought kept repeating over and over as if a broken record had rooted itself like a parasite to the point that I had forgotten to lock the door even though I had reached the first floor of the main building.

The amount of words, unfitting for a noble woman as me, said after that revelation are best left forgotten.

So I had to drag my legs back to the clubroom again, though through a different route due to the thought of encountering him again. Now, I am back in my comfy bed with my eyes closed to sleep while wearing my favorite Pan-san limited edition pajama.

And now, I, Yukino Yukinoshita, need to find out why such words came out of my mouth.

Why was I considering going to a stranger's home? Although I have known of the existence of Hachiman Hikigaya, we had no interaction prior to yesterday. According to the rumors, loathes as I am to rely on for information that my classmates mentioned, he is a loner that stays away from people, likes to talk to himself, rotten fisheyes that had caused multiple teachers and students to avoid him, along with other rumors but I believe that those are the product of the imagination, hence they are not worth considering.

I can confirm that Hikigaya-kun, even though we had only traded barb words during our few interactions, that he is indeed a loner that stays away from people because – no. Extreme aversion is the most appropriate word to use to describe his attitude to people. The way he keeps looking towards the door and windows as if to see if anybody is there, the fidgeting of his body as if prepared to run away at the slightest sound, along with his rigid movements.

Which puzzles me whenever he acts like a playboy who is after my body, albeit no matter how briefly it was. Oh yes, along with those 2 incidents where he acted extremely rude to Hiratsuka-sensei and Yuigahama-san once and me twice.

The first incident was the first time he entered the clubroom behind Hiratsuka-sensei. He insulted the club, not by his words as I am used to them, but with the brief glance I saw that his eyes looked as if the club severely disgusted him before he turned around.

I had thought that the look my mother gives me whenever I failed to live up to her expectations would always be the worst yet…

That perception was shattered when I saw his eyes.

I was tempted, no, extremely tempted to throw him out of the club yet the fact that the club has no other member except me, along with no one wanting to join, even though that is something I prefer if I had it my way, would result in the club disbanding.

I… I don't want that.

So I, with extreme reluctance, accepted him into the club. Saving the club from disbanding for a little longer.

…I had expected for him to whine, to curse at the fact that he was forced to join the club, yet… He didn't.

Even though I would have preferred that instead of his cold and calculating eyes that looked at me like a puzzle he needs to solve. His deranged laughter sent shivers throughout my body.

Thankfully… The laughter never came out again but his eyes stayed the same. I managed to keep him at bay with my words after Hiratsuka-sensei left but I was afraid of what he would do to me.

I had gone through a basic self-defense course at the demand of my mother but that was years ago and I am afraid that my body has become rusty, coupled with my poor stamina that refused to increase no matter how much I exercised.

So when Yuigahama-san appeared, I was relieved at the fact I wouldn't be alone with him… Then… He acted very differently to Yuigahama-san.

Acting like a cheesy playboy. And at multiple times.

Yui Yuigahama… An optimistic nice girl that tries to befriend people. A person that is absolutely incompatible with me, or at least should be… Yet, I treated her unlike how I do with other people. Strangely, I had felt like it was natural to do so.

…Requires further investigation.

The second incident occurred after I had told him that we would need to clean the cooking classroom. The savageness contained in his words, coupled with his rude gesture, made me decide that it is not worth keeping him in the club and I could ask Yuigahama-san to join if I had to.

…Then… His reason – excuses spilled out. That his parents divorced after a fight, leaving him and his sister behind…

It's honestly ridiculous blaming your past for your inability to control yourself and I was about to tell him… Yet, I couldn't bring myself.

As if a part of me was uncomfortable at the thought of saying it.

I had spent yesterday night trying to find out the reason for what I felt yet nothing. Nothing, no logical explanation, no external factors, just… My body reacting by itself.

…Then today's club session.

It started off as usual with me brewing myself tea and reading a new cat book, this time about Persian, then Hikigaya-kun entered without waiting for me to answer.

Honestly what is wrong with people not waiting to be called? Isn't it polite to wait for the owner to invite you in?

…Well Hiratsuka-sensei is more of the owner but she doesn't show up most of the time so I am the real owner.

…Anyway, he… Didn't act like yesterday, no cold and calculating eyes, only taking a chair to sit on then bringing out some papers, most likely his homework, to work on. I repeatedly glanced at him to see if he would do anything but he continued to work in silence along with ignoring his surroundings.

It was only when I had called him to say that the club had finished was when he acted like yesterday. Fortunately, not the rude him but the playboy him.

I can handle playboys who know their place anytime, a few scathing words will scare them off, but if it was the rude him, who is to say he wouldn't turn violent?

…There is a possibility of him suffering from a mental illness, a split-personality disorder I think? Possibly due to the trauma he suffered at the hands of his parents. So I agreed with him and observed how he would act yet he quickly put up his walls before I could see anything.

If so, I will need to come up with strategies on how to deal with him.

…Then I talked to him about Pan-san, something that I had never talked about to anybody. Not my parents, not to my… Older sister, nobody.

Yet I talked to him.

…I can only conclude that something is happening to me. I don't know if this is the work of Hikigaya-kun or something else but I am changing.

If the fact that I even considered his invitation isn't a big red flag, I don't know what is.

…I-I… I'm scared. I don't want to change. I don't want to become somebody else.

Somebody that isn't Yukino Yukinoshita.

…Maybe I should expel him from the club – ow!

I quickly get up from my bed to frantically look around in case an attacker is here yet I see nothing in the darkness. I grab the remote to turn on the light and still see nothing, so I can only conclude that the pain came from inside me.

…I turn off the light and slowly lay down again, this time with my hands on my stomach due to the pain I felt.

I… Will expel Hachiman Hiki – ow! That same stabbing pain!

I quickly press my hands against my stomach, trying to ease the pain but it doesn't work, rather it increases the pain intensity, making me stop and just place my hands on top.

After a while, the pain eases then disappears like a lie.

"…Looks like I can't expel him…?" I mutter out loud while gazing at the ceiling.

"Report hi- ow!"

"…Kill hi – owwww!"

"OK OK I GET IT! I CAN'T HARM HIM! SO STOP! PLEASE!"

I loudly beg as the pain almost reaches an unbearable level, even making some tears fall out. As if my begging was heard, the pain disappears.

"…Hahahaha… What is happening…?" I despondently mutter out loud then fatigue hits me to the point I can't even keep my eyes open.

"Help me…"

I quietly cry out into the darkness yet nothing happens and soon I feel myself falling asleep.

*ZXNZXNZXN*

I open my eyes then blink. I slowly get up from my bed then look around.

"Huh… That's weird… Why am I crying?"

*ZXNZXNZXN*

A/N

Bloody fucking hell, my brother came by just when I was feeling ok-ish then back to pain town. The amount of pathogens on his and his family's body due to them travelling to all sorts of places for no reason will be one of the causes of my death I tell ya. Accidental rant done, I have got to say that I originally hadn't planned on going this route but due to going back to pain town, I was feeling a bit evil. So I can only say

Poor Yukino.

Anyway on to the comments!

CMY187 - lmao and thank you for the kind words at the end, though I'm already a dead man walking, or rather writing lol. Just the sheer bullshit keeping me alive at this point

jarjarhead - hopefully! But expect to see me dead at some point (hopefully somebody can finish my fics if that happens)

rafeleyf10 - gracias por las amables palabras, pero soy hombre muerto escribiendo en este momento (I google translated this - no idea if it's correct or not)

Wicked.A - I would say that he kinda has that ability somewhere in the middle of canon story and yep. *REDACTED*. Here's your different P.O.V lol

Deathenglegamers1144 - *pours water on you*

RandomGuest - lmao and that would be boring. Yep