Jason

"Da, would you mind if I tried some trapping? I'd be back every night.."

"Do as you wish. Stay away if you want.I don't need a keeper. Not yet. The boys and I will be fine."

"I'm not so sure of that."

"After last night? You did well, son."

"It didn't feel like it at the time." Jason shook his head. "How'd you know that would come up?"

"There will be more of that, Jason. Whether Jeremy consciously knows it or not, it's not the first time he's seen the slow death of a parent. And Joshua does remember. This -" he gestured vaguely, " will bring up feelings. I'm sorry for it, and it's still possible that I am thinking myself more ill than I am, but I think not. I think we all know that."

"I don't know if I'm up to it."

"That is the least of my concerns. You will do fine. I see it every day."

"What if I do something wrong?"

"You will. I did. You will do ver' well, Jason. I've no doubt."

"I have doubt enough for both of us. Maybe all four of us. Must we talk about this, Da?" Jason's eyes briefly studied his father. "Do you need to talk something out?" If so, he would stay home, wait another day. Or more.

Da smiled. "Not as badly as you need to commune with your trees, I think. Just know that I have every confidence in you. As do your brothers. Go on and go now, while you can."

"Are you sure?"

"I am sure. Go." He made a shooing motion with his hand.

Jason went, slowly and thoughtfully.

Joshua and Jeremy

As they went out the door, Josh said,"If you can't talk right, don't talk. Better to not talk than havin' them think you talk like a baby. You're eight, not four.""

"I know."

"Why d'you do that? Do ya feel like a baby?"

"Dunno. Ssssometimes. It's the only words that-that-that are."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"I'm sor-r-r-ry. I. c-can't 'splain it."

Josh sighed dramatically. "Well, just remember what I told you. Don't talk if it's gonna be baby words or a baby voice. You can write me a note anything you need to say, if you have to."

"Kay."

They stopped short of the schoolyard, and Josh turned the younger boy to face him. "Are you gonna be okay? You're awful white. You can go home if you want."

Jeremy shook his head.

"Okay then." Josh turned his brother to face the door and nudged him forward. ""Let's go. But if you feel sick, you let me know. We'll go home."

"Kay."

That was the start of their day.

As it got closer to Christmas, the teacher was able to do less significant teaching, so she was teaching ways to make music, and maybe a few songs, although the songs the older boys knew were somewhat risque and wouldn't do at all. But marching around the room pounding drums, blowing whistles, and tootling on horns burned off a lot of excitement and made what few lessons she could get in easier. (And it was always wonderful to see when the children were enjoying themselves.)

On the way home, Jeremy pulled Josh aside.

"What?"

"We gotta talk 'bout something, Josh."

"Well, talk."

"We don't got a present for Da."

"Da doesn't believe in presents. That's why."

"Yes, but he's gonna let us get presents."

"So?"

"We should give him one. Just because."

Joshua thought that over. "Just because isn't a reason," he criticized. "Besides, what would we get him? He probably won't be able to use anything." Or be around long enough to need anything, but it just didn't seem right to say that out loud.

"That's why we gotta talk. We gotta figure out something."

"Like what? Make him something? Again, like what?"

"Draw a picture? We-we could p-put it in his p-pocket when – you know."

"That might be okay. Maybe we could write something, like a poem? Or say a play? Jason could help us."

"Yeah, b-but if we're gonna learn something, we g-gotta g-get started."

"We can ask Jason. He'll help us. Except it would be better if we figured it out ourselves. Sometimes I get tired of asking Jason."

"If I was gettin' a piano, we could make a song. But Da said no piano."

Josh thought about that. "We could sing, anyway, maybe."

"Could we sing a not-church song on a church day?"Jeremy was doubtful.

"If it's a present, maybe. Or we could sing a church song. We already know a bunch of them."

Jeremy pulled his hand made flute out of his pocket and fidgeted with it, then blew a few notes. "Josh, could we make our own song?"

"If we do that– " Josh pulled a whistle from his pocket, and a couple of jungle bells that he shook "Except we can't sing and play."

"I could play when you sing, an' you when I do."

"That might work. We still have to figure out a song."

"We can do that tomorrow. We just figured out to do it now."

Josh started them walking again. "You're the one who was in a hurry."

Jeremy thought that over. "To th-think of s-something."

Josh laughed and pushed Jeremy's head. "Well, we did that. Maybe stop at the church for a hymnbook? We could say we want to practice for the church Christmas singing."

"Let's think some more. Can we go home now? I'm hungry."

"What do you think I've been trying to do since we left school?"