CHRISTMAS
Christmas Day did not , in Jason's opinion, begin auspiciously.
There was a stuffed stocking hung by the fireplace, for Jeremy (Josh had asked to not have one, because the older boys he knew (not played with) laughed about them being childish, and he wanted to seem more like one of them.)
But Da said "no" to giving it to the boy, until after church. Which shouldn't have been a surprise, considering Da's preference for a more solemn Christmas, but it was.
Jeremy handled the disappointment better than Josh did, agreeing to getting up and dressed with just a shrug – although he stopped often to gaze at it longingly.
They had their morning coffee. Da said there was no time for a cooked breakfast this morning if they were to be on time.
Josh, who had been muttering since they'd got up, said loudly. "I guess that means we'll have to have breakfast before we can have any real Christmas."
Da looked at him directly, eye-to-eye, "And just what do you think the 'real Christmas' is?" he asked in a calm even voice.
Josh looked away. "I meant the celebrating part," he said awkwardly.
No one said anything for a moment.
Da took a deep breath. "I hope that the day will come that you know coming to the church is always a celebration. And that this day is the reason for all the celebration. But I will let this go, for now, Joshua. Tis not a celebration if the day starts with harsh words. Get your coats, boys, and let us go."
"No is a harsh word," Josh mumbled to his brothers, as they followed their father out the door.
Jason smiled. He suspected Josh's real problem was that there were no presents in sight. That was Da's business, but he had been with Da when he made the arrangements for the gifts – and when he had paid for them, which certainly meant they were to be presented at some point. That was Da's business. He himself had made different preparations for the giving.
Da coming to a full stop as he opened the door of the church made him wonder if he'd made the right choice.
Finally Da moved, slowly entering the church with his sons following him.
There was a Christmas tree in the church, with candy and gifts and geegaws on every branch.
Da glanced over at Jason who managed to look blandly innocent. Da shook his head briefly, but his eyes twinkled as he suppressed a smile. Jason was naive about many things (not that he would believe that!), but he was never that innocent.
Josh smiled and relaxed, probably thinking this was how Da would give the gifts. He should know his father better than that.
Jeremy, as usual when he didn't know how to react, grabbed hold of Jason's coat – whatever part was closest to him. Jason smiled down at him and took hold of his hand.
The tree was not mentioned during the church service, but at dismissal the congregation was invited to stay and share in the joy of gifting, and added that there was something for every child.
Da fastened his coat, and Jeremy clutched at Jason.
"I am leaving," Da said quietly, to his oldest son. "This foolishness should not happen within a church. I am verra disappointed at this. It is not seemly."
"I understand," Jason said gravely, pretending not to notice that Joshua (who was too big for Christmas magic) was now clutching at his coat. "We may stay?"
Da looked confused for a moment, then nodded. As he passed the boys, he said to Jason, "Tis my belief that your mother had a hand in this."
"You could be right."
"I'll see you at home," Da said to the younger boys, who had relaxed their grips on their brother and were watching the distribution of the net bags of colored candies.
Jason was sure he heard their father laugh, once the church door closed behind him and he headed home.
The boys were jabbering all the way home, but once they stepped on the porch they fell silent and cautiously opened the door.
Da was putting breakfast on the table. He seemed to be in a good mood. "Well, now, I see that you've some things from that heathen tree. You'd best not have filled up with candy coming home. Come and eat."
Joshua threw his gifts into Da's sitting chair; Jeremy took his to the table with him. Jason watched amusedly as Josh continued to sneak hurried glances around the room, still not seeing any gifts.
Da was watching Josh, too, with the same amusement. "So?" Da asked conversationally," what have you got?"
"Hats and gloves," Josh mumbled, stabbing at the meat on his plate.
"Real ones," Jeremy said, between bites. "With fur and earflaps and outsides and everything!"
"Slow down, little one; you're going to choke. Working man's gear, is it? For helping your brother, mayhap?"
Jeremy shrugged.
"Probably," Josh grumbled. "Nobody ever gets anything just for fun around here."
"There's neither much time nor much money just for fun. One must make his own."
"Or read a book," Jason suggested mischievously, knowing this brother likened reading to work rather than relaxation, in spite of liking adventure stories.
"BLEAH!" Josh yelled.
Jason and Da laughed, and Jeremy stopped eating long enough to look at Joshua with big eyes, (which they also laughed at.)
Josh scowled at Jeremy.
"Do not," Da said. "There'll be no squabbling this day. Nor name calling. I'll not have it."
Josh stuck his tongue out at Jeremy, who returned the gesture, then topped it by stabbing his fork into Josh's as yet uneaten breakfast, and they staged a little duel with forks, greatly improving Josh's mood.
Da watched them, faintly smiling, sometimes tearing up. Jason began gathering the dishes, keeping an eye on all of them.
"Get out of your good clothes and put them away," Da instructed after the table was cleared.
"We don't have to wear 'em all day?" Josh asked, shocked.
"Tis Christmas, not Sunday. While the day should be kept for solemn thought, I do not believe it will be, so .clothes."
"Yessir." Josh looked around. Jeremy had already changed and was again staring at the stocking, throwing pleading looks at both Jason and Da.
"And for your impertinence, you may put away ALL the clothing yourself. Give it to him, Jason. Joshua will be finishing up here."
"Yessir," Josh said, again unhappy. He didn't notice the tone of his father's voice.
Jason did, and looked at him sharply. What was he up to?
Joshua picked up Jeremy's shirt, which had been stained during the boy's rush to start and finish his breakfast, and considered it. He could tattle, but that wouldn't really be a good thing to very grown-up, and Josh was trying to be more adult.
He shook his head, and shook out the shirt before heading to the wardrobe.
Jeremy shook out his stocking on the table, and started pouring over the items thus revealed. Jason sat down in the next chair watching the boy enjoy his bounty. Also sorting out his candy. Since there were doubles of many things, and more candy than Jason would have expected to see, it was obvious to him that the contents were meant to be shared, and he wondered when, if, or how that would occur to Jeremy.
"Hey!" Josh yelled from within the wardrobe, "there's clothes in here!"
Jeremy looked up and over his direction. "That's where we k-keep 'em." he said.
"Oh, that's not what I mean. There's new clothes in here. New Sunday clothes. They're nice. Come look."
"Who cares about clothes?" Jeremy discovered a folding pocket knife and was examining it.
"I'm interested," Jason admitted, strolling over to the wardrobe.
Yes, a new Sunday suit for each of the three of them. Bought for the funeral? He wondered, but didn't say. It was about time Jeremy got something new instead of Josh's hand-me-downs. It was about time they all had something new.
The reason for it could be improved on, though.
Jason examined the garments, looking at the seams. Plenty of material for letting out for both boys; that was good. Da said Josh was due for a growth spurt, any time from now to five years from now.
"Is that our present?" Josh demanded of Da.
"Is it not a good one?" Da replied. Innocently.
"It ain't bad," Josh admitted. Nice clothes – new clothes – hadn't happened much since they'd moved to town, and Josh did like to look good. He closed the wardrobe.
"Hey, J-Josh, there's forty-eight marbles. An' two knifes. C-come see."
"What're you gonna do with two knives?"
Jeremy grinned. "Sh-share 'em with my brother, what else?"
"Let me see."
Jason patted both brothers on the head as they shared things out between them. There had been nothing to be worried about.
At least this time.
Jeremy looked up at Jason and grinned, then back at the table, gathered up some carved animals, and found a place to play by the fireplace.
Jason found a book and got comfortable with it.
Da went to sleep watching his boys be a family.
Josh, now that no one was watching, played around with some of the toys from the stocking.
Jeremy curled up in front of the fire and he, too, went to sleep.
The home was quiet, peaceful.
As the darkness fell, and the temperatures dropped a bit more, Da woke looked around, satisfied. His sons were all pleasantly occupied, each according to their age and personality.
He hoped they would like their next surprise. The desire for it had surprised him, and after consulting with his heart and his delusions, he had, he hoped, made this one last thing happen.
He could go to her, when it was time, with one less regret; one less missed opportunity with their children.
He stood, and Jason looked up. "Need something?" he asked, closing his book.
"No. I'm going to build up the fire a bit."
"I can do that."
"I will do it. Joshua, be getting that table cleaned off. Tis almost suppertime."
"There ain't no supper," Josh objected, but began sweeping the items back into a pile.
"Easily fixed," the father replied, tousling his second son's blond hair as he walked by.
As he was adding wood to the fire, avoiding the sleeping son, there was a quiet knock at the door. The boy looked up wildly, then curled into a tighter ball.
Jason opened the door to find and her son, laden with steaming dishes.
"Mr. Bolt, here's the dinner you asked for."
"Thank you," Da replied, coming to help set the dishes on the table. "You've done a lovely job. Smells delicious." He walked her and the son to the door and there was a brief conversation that ended with "Happy Christmas" from all three speakers, and came back inside.
"You said we wouldn't have a dinner," Josh said.
"I changed my mind. Jeremy, get washed up and let's have our meal. You, too, Joshua,"
They scrambled to do so.
The father was pleased to see the boys had not forgotten (most of) their company manners. It had been such a long time since the family had gathered to share a formal meal. The father was proud of the sons, and mentally acknowledged that his wife had taught them well, even their Wee One.
The meal and conversation was sober enough to suit the father, and cheerful enough for the mother. Oh yes, she had taught them well.
This way, it seemed as if she were there with them.
The meal finished, including pie, they all sat back. The three boys traded glances, and Jason spoke up. "Why?"
"Can't a man change his mind? I decided I was wrong."
"You wanted it to be like home?" Josh suggested.
After a moment's thought, Da replied, "Yes. In a way, this is the first time we four have celebrated as a family. It just seemed to be time."
One more time.
The last time.
The words remained unspoken, but they all reacted to them. Wordlessly.
Jeremy elbowed Josh.
Josh looked around, then shook his head. "We gotta do the dishes first and clean up."
"All we ever do is c-c-c-clean up."
"That's why mice don't crawl on you when you sleep on the floor. C'mon." Josh started gathering up dishes. Jeremy, with a scowl, started helping.
Jason put water to heat, and also started a fresh pot of coffee.
"Now what was that about?" Da asked idly, watching the younger boys. They both turned and stared his way at his question.
"I wouldn't know," Jason lied blandly. He winked at his brothers, who turned back to their work.
"And you wouldn't admit it if you did."
"Nope." Jason carried the food scraps outside and took his time coming back in. He wanted to laugh and didn't even know at what: the boys for thinking they could put one over on Da, or Da for letting them know they hadn't. Their eagerness to be rid of him for a couple hours a day had shown, and they had come up with some of the craziest excuses to get him out of the house! Good thing Da had co-operated with the conspiracy.
Da smiled when the laughter rang out, and the younger boys poked each other in the ribs and laughed, too.
"You were right," Da murmured, to the mother of these three, who didn't hear him, he thanked goodness.
Presently, the work was finished, and after some whispering, shoving, and tickling, Jeremy came to his father and perched himself on the man's leg.
"What's on your mind, son?"
Jeremy sighed. " I really wanted a piano."
Da laughed. "Tis more than a bit of trouble to ship a piano here, and a lot of work to keep it up. The weather here is not so kind to wood and wire. I told you there would be no piano. Did you not believe me?"
"Yeah, I b'lieved you. I jus' wanted to be wrong 'bout b'lieving you." The boy leaned back against his father. "Pianos is nice."
"Why is that?" Da asked, rubbing the boy's head and smiling a question at Jason.
Jason shook his head. He was himself wondering what this approach was about. He took a swallow of coffee.
"Because," Jeremy said slowly. "B-because when you p-play a p-piano, you can sing, too."
"Perhaps Joshua should never have mabe a sled from your mother's guitar. That would haave solved that problem."
Jason snorted coffee through his nose, which made Josh laugh.
Joshua came to stand on the other side of Da's chair. He was going to ignore that. It wasn't in the plan. "Yeah, right now, we can make music, or we can sing, but not both."
"Hmm. That does sound like a problem. As in most things, you will have to take turns, I suppose."
Jeremy kicked his legs out. "We like ta do things t'gether,"
"I see." Da sat forward, looking around the room. "You should have made your beds today, but tis too late to worry about that now. They'll be better for a good airing out, no doubt."
"Oh." said Jason. So that was where the gifts were hidden. Under the tumbled, umbled bed clothes. If Jeremy had only taken his nap in his bed, instead of on the floor…
"Not bedtime," Jeremy said, looking down at his swinging feet. "We was talking about singing."
"Oh, I thought we had finished with the subject," Da said. "What more have you to say?"
Jeremy slid to his feet and walked away from his father. "Not say. Show."
Josh pinched him. He was supposed to say 'sing'.
Jeremy stood straighter, hands clasped behind his back, while Josh pulled a harmonica from his pocket, and began playing while Jeremy sang a church song.
Then Jeremy pulled out a flute and played while Joshua sang a Christmas carol.
Their practice showed, Jason thought, watching Da's expression soften as he looked at and listened to his sons. He would have bet, correctly, that Da was mentally saying "Would you look at that?" to their mother.
As soon as they finished, Jason walked to stand behind them, and with a hand on each brother's shoulder, he began to hum the old, auld lullaby.
Jeremy picked up the melody, singing the foreign words tenderly. Josh joined in with a harmony of the same song with English words. Their mother had sung both versions.
There was a pause, and then Josh sang the melody, still in English, and Jeremy's version became the harmony.
They ended together, singing alternating lines in alternating languages, holding hands. Jason was pleased and proud of them. There had been a few errors, but they performed through them. That had been the hardest thing to teach them; they had both aimed for perfection.
Da, tears running down his face raised his hands to the boys, and they ran to stand beside him. He looped an arm around each, but kept his hands outstretched until his other son joined them, taking the hands, with a joke about being too big to sit on his da's lap, but both arms were full.
They laughed, and the four of them stood and sat together for an unmeasurable period of time.
The boys each finding a guitar in their bed was anticlimactic, after that, and even they knew that, and after surprised chatter, they settled into sleep.
The man did not sleep that night. His heart was full.
It was as if she had been there with them the whole day through.