When Daria learns that Beavis and Butthead have been arrested, she travels to Highland to clear their names. This chapter was inspired by the Beavis and Butthead episodes Incognito, Scared Straight, True Crime, The Trial, The Crush, Another Friday Night, Stewart is Missing, They're Coming to Take Me Away, Huh Huh and the Movie Beavis and Butthead Do America (among others).
The theme song for this chapter is Welcome to the Jungle, by Guns N Roses
The Dorm Room, late last semester
Daria and Joey were about to discuss their summer plans, based on the email they had just both received from Dawson, when Daria's cell phone rang.
"Daria?"
"This is she"
"This is David VanDriessen, from Highland High. Do you remember me?"
"aha"
"Listen, I have some bad news. Beavis and Butthead are under arrest, for murder" dropping his voice at the end for emphasis
"aha"
"Did you hear what I said, murder" he emphasized
"yep"
"So, can you help..."
"I'll see what I can do"
"Oh, thank goodness. I..."
"I'll be right there. See you soon" she interrupted, and hung up
As Daria limped out of the airport, half hunched over, with a suitcase in one hand, and a walking stick in the other, David VanDriessen waved to catch her attention. He was taken aback by the sight of her gait and pained expression. The effects of her back injury were letting up, but not completely gone.
"Oh my, are you alright Daria?" he asked, in a caring tone
"Fine, its just a back injury, and its mostly healed. What's the situation?" Daria inquired, wanting to get on with it.
VanDriessen took her suitcase and placed it in the boot of his car. He then opened the door for her, before climbing inside himself.
"Beavis and Butthead were arrested for the murder of Stewart Stevenson on the morning of..."
"Stewart's dead?" Daria interjected, with a slight amount of shock and taking a moment to absorb the news
"Yes, unfortunately"
"And the Police think Beavis and Butthead did it?"
"Apparently"
"Well, that's ridiculous" Daria said, slightly miffed
"That's what I thought"
"What else do we know?"
"I'm afraid that's about it. I was weighing up whether to visit the Public Defender's Office, or the prison first" VanDriessen said
"Public Defenders" Daria said confidently, adding "hopefully they'll have some more information. "We can visit the boys afterwards" a plan already beginning to form in her mind.
VanDriessen was admiring Daria's confidence and determination. He realized she was the right person to ask to help with this.
Daria was shocked by the sight of the lawyer assigned to the case. His body had an unusual shape, and he waddled, rather than walking. He was also way too upbeat. There was something else, something eerily familiar about him.
"Roger Hammerstein, of Hammerstein, Hammerstein and Smith" he said in an effeminate tone, and shook their hands.
He then went through a pile of files, before pulling out the correct one.
"Lesse, Butthead, Butthead, Butthead? Ah yes, here it is. Terrible business, those boys, those special boys" he said, in an almost mocking tone, stroking his forehead
"What can you tell us about the case?" Daria asked, hiding her annoyance, and her curiosity
"Well, the Police found them covered in blood, both theirs and the victims. They were actually asleep when they were arrested. Got woken up by the cops beating down their door. Must have given them such a fright" he said with faux concern
VanDriessen was listening intently, but Daria was annoyed by the fact that he didn't seem to be taking this seriously.
"Anything else?" VanDriessen asked, not clocking his fakeness
"Oh yeah, the DA was pushing for the death penalty, he's a young hotshot, but I got them moved to the psych ward for evaluation. Its all there in the file" which he handed them, looking relieved.
"Thanks" Daria said, through gritted teeth
"No, thank you, for taking over their case" he replied, cheekily
"What?" Daria said, shocked
"You would not believe my workload these days. I'm so grateful..."
"Wait, we're not..." Daria tried to interject
"Too late, you took the file, they're your problem now" the lawyer said, with a heavy helping of sarcasm.
Daria accepted this, and instead eyed him intently, before remembering where she had heard his voice before.
"Langley Falls, Virginia, last summer. It was a marijuana legalization rally"
"Young lady, I can assure you I have no idea what you're talking about"
"So, did Jeff and Halley make bail?"
"Of course they did. Her dad is..." before he realized what he had said, and backpedaled
"But that's not relevant. Good luck helping the two dummies. Bye now" he said, snarkily, and finally
Upon arriving at the mental hospital, they were surprised to be greeted by a familiar face.
"Cassandra?" Daria said, barely containing her shock
"Daria, Mr VanDriessen, wow. Its been ages. Small world, huh" in her usual warm tone
"Cassandra, last I heard, you were training to become a social worker" VanDriessen said
"I still am. This is just voluntary, to get my hours up. So, what brings you here?"
"Beavis and Butthead" Daria said
"Oh yeah, I heard. No way are they guilty" Cassandra said, with certainty
"Have they caused you any trouble since they got here?" VanDriessen asked
"Not really. Beavis was pretty agitated at first, so we had to give him a sedative. But since then, they've been alright. I think they enjoy the structure"
"Are they on any meds?" Daria asked
"Why do you ask?" Cassandra asked, curiously
"Because I think I have an idea"
Daria and VanDriessen were shown to the visitors room, and waited for a while. Eventually, Beavis and Butthead were shown in.
"Hey, what are you guys doing here?" Beavis asked, in an almost accusatory tone
"Settle down, Beavis" Butthead instructed
"Actually, were here to talk about why you're here" VanDriessen explained, but they gave no sign of understanding.
"What do you remember about the morning of your arrest?" Daria asked
"Aah..." Butthead said, struggling to remember
"Um..." Beavis said, also not remembering
"And the night before" Daria added, with a hint of concern
"I dunno" Butthead said. "Its like, drawing a bank, or something" he said vaguely, trailing off.
"What night?" Beavis said, legitimately confused
Realizing they were getting nowhere, Daria picked up her cup of coffee.
"Hey Daria, is that beer?" Butthead asked
"No, its coffee, and its not for me"
"Then whose it for?" Beavis asked
"I need to speak to your alter ego" Daria explained, handing him the coffee
"Yeah, alright. Lets just..." Beavis mumbled, and took a sip, not realizing what was happening.
"I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO!" Beavis yelled, aggressively, with his shirt over his head
Daria's plan had worked brilliantly
"Cornholio, do you remember what happened?"
"Are you threatening me?" He demanded
"Did Stewart threaten you?" Daria asked
"No, he threatens no one. The bald man and the nearly bald man. They threaten us. They must be eliminated!"
Two orderlies entered the room, to see what was happening, ready to pounce, if needed. Daria gestured for them to stay back.
"What happened?" Daria asked, with determination
"They imprison us, and we escape. But our escape is short lived, and the streets run red with the blood of the innocent!"
"And then what happened?" Daria asked, hanging on his every word
Beavis' body language then reverted dramatically. His shirt returned to its normal position, and his voice returned to normal.
"I dunno" Beavis said, in his normal voice "you tell me" giggling slightly
The orderlies, and VanDriessen breathed a sigh of relief. Daria however, was annoyed that no more information would be forthcoming.
"Well, what next?" VanDriessen asked
"The morgue" Daria suggested
The morgue was located in the basement of Highland General Hospital, down a ridiculous number of stairs (with no elevator access), in a quiet, seemingly forgotten basement. Upon arriving, Daria and VanDriessen found a young man in his late teens or early twenties sporting a goatee, wearing surgical scrubs and drying his hands with a washcloth.
"Daria? Mr VanDriessen? Hot damn, it has been ages, hasn't it" The young man said in a southern drawl
"Earl?" Daria said, in disbelief "Small world"
"Small town" Earl clarified, thinking his education was starting to pay off
"I thought for sure by now you'd be dead or in jail" Daria said, trying not to sound judgmental
"So did I. If I hadn't turned my life around, well, who knows where I'd be"
"Congratulations" VanDriessen said genuinely
"Well, its all thanks to you"
"Me?" VanDriessen asked
"Yeah, you too Daria. Y'all always seemed to have your shit together" Daria blushed a little at this comment, but hid it well
"So, how did you end up working here?" Daria asked
"Oh, I'm not, I'm just an intern. I'm studying mortuary science at night school. Hopin' t' work in a funeral home one day"
"That's great, Earl. Glad to hear things are going well for you" Van Driessen said
"So, what can I do for y'all?" Earl asked
"We're here about Stewart Stephenson. According to the Police report, his body was sent here for an autopsy, but according to the coroner's office, there's no record of it" Daria inquired
Earl's demeanor changed upon hearing this. He began to look uncomfortable, and placed the washcloth next to the sink.
"Look, I'd love to help you out, but..." he trailed off. Daria sighed in disappointment
"You remember that time I almost got shot in class? That drive by shooting?" Earl said, switching gears
"Vividly" Daria recalled, replaying the incident in her mind
"Did they ever discover who was responsible?" VanDriessen asked
"No, and I didn't get a good look at him" Daria said
"Either did I, but I'll give you two guesses who it was" Earl remarked, and Daria immediately understood
"Look, I don't mean to be rude, but what does this have to do with anything?" VanDriessen asked
"I believe Earl is saying that this was the wake up call Earl needed to turn his life around" Daria suggested, raising an eyebrow
"Pretty much. And I don't wanna get fired from muh internship. Look, I really appreciate y'all coming by to see me. Heck, if it weren't for you two, I might be blood I'd be wipin' off my hands. Or worse, grease"
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll leave you to it" VanDriessen said, disappointed
"Good seein' y'all again. And remember, if there's trouble afoot in this town, you can bet your bottom dollar whose behind it" Earl said, waving goodbye to the pair cheerily.
"Well, that was a waste of time" VanDriessen remarked, upon returning to his car, unusually downbeat
"I don't think so" Daria said "I think he may have given us everything we need" opening the door, and getting inside
VanDriessen raised an eyebrow "How so?"
"Who do you think was behind the shooting?"
VanDriessen thought about it for a moment "Todd, the local ruffian, he's always behind..." he said, trailing off
"and I think he was trying to say he's involved in this somehow too"
"Great work, Daria"
"That's not all. Remember what he said he'd be wiping off his hands if not for turning his life around?"
"Blood. I assume because he'd be a violent gang member"
"or..." Daria asked, trying to get him to realize.
"Grease. Because..." VanDriessen shrugged "He'd be working in fast food, or..."
"Different kind of grease" Daria intuited
"Motor oil" VanDriessen realized "A mechanic"
"How many mechanics are there in Highland?" Daria asked
"Just one. McIvers' on Third Street" VanDriessen said
"Well, you're going to pay them a visit"
"And what am I going to say?"
"Ask to see their records. See if anything jumps out at you"
"And what are you going to do?" VanDriessen asked
"I'm going to pay a visit to a local gang leader" Daria replied, fearlessly. But secretly, she was terrified.
Daria nervously approached the front of the dilapidated house, carefully hiding her feelings behind a calm exterior. She was about to knock on the front door, only to discover, there wasn't one. The door was off its hinges and next to the doorway. She was going to knock on the door frame, but before she got the chance, a figure emerged from the building. A tall, blonde mulleted, sunglasses wearing, terrifying figure.
"Yeah!" he demanded
"Todd, long time no see" Daria replied coolly
"Who the hell are you?" Todd asked, angrily
"I'm offended you don't remember me" Daria said, snarkily
"Look, if you ain't here to suck my dick, then I suggest you get the hell..."
"Car trouble?" Daria interrupted
"What?" Todd was taken aback by the way she stood up to him. He wasn't used to it.
"Your trunk. It looks like its been forced open from the inside" she said, examining it closely
"Wait, I do remember you now. You're that frigid nerd, whose sister was the school slut" he said, progressively
Daria was determined to not let him rattle her.
"Had anyone interesting in there lately. Say a couple of dimwitted…" Daria was lifting up the door of the trunk, when Todd grabbed her hands and yelled at her.
"Get the hell out of here, NOW!" he yelled
Daria, to her credit didn't flinch, didn't budge and showed no sign of fear on her face. However, this was one of the scariest moments of her life.
"Gross, your breath stinks" she said, and pulling loose from his grip, and waving her hand across her face.
She then stood nose to nose with him and asked "or what, you'll call the cops?" knowing he wouldn't
"No, I'll call my gang and we'll have some fun with you, and..." he said, his voice dripping with sleaze and arrogance
"Your hospitality leaves a lot to be desired" she said, semi-seriously, and walked backwards away from him, without looking away, and without showing slightest amount of apprehension. Upon reaching the curb, she turned around and walked away, at a regular pace, thinking what a lost opportunity this was. When she was far enough away, she let out a sigh of relief, and nearly a tear.
Daria hobbled up to VanDriessen's house, and saw him sitting out the front looking downbeat.
"I take it you had no luck at the mechanics'?" Daria asked, sitting next to him
"Not really. I tried to sneak a peak at his records and he threatened to sue me. How did you go with Todd?"
"Well, he threatened me, but that much I was expecting. It feels like we're banging our heads against a brick wall. What we need is professional help" Daria suggested, her mind ticking along
"Like a lawyer?" VanDriessen suggested
"Exactly, especially if you're getting sued. Know any good ones?" Daria asked, realizing they were grasping at straws.
"I might" came a familiar voice came from the front gate. Daria looked up and upon seeing who it was, breathed a sigh of relief.
"Mom" she said.
Helen was thinking over what Daria and VanDriessen had just told her, in order to bring her up to speed.
"Do you have a computer?" she asked VanDriessen
"Yes, and I just got online too" he explained proudly
"May I use it?" she asked
"Of course" and he showed her to his study, with Daria in tow. Helen immediately started clacking away on the keyboard. As she did so, the phone started to ring, and VanDriessen left the room, to answer it.
Impressive Daria though He has a separate line for the phone and internet…
"So, how did you get roped into this?" Helen asked, with a hint of interrogation, not looking up, or stopping what she was doing on the computer.
"He asked me" Daria explained flatly
"And why did you accept?" Helen asked, trying to get some explanation out of her
"Because I have a strong sense of justice" Daria said, flatly, but clearly holding something back
"Is that the only reason?"
"Well, I guess Mr VanDriessen is the only teacher, perhaps the only person, that I ever thought highly of in this godforsaken town" Daria said, with a mixture of nostalgia and contempt. Helen decided not to push the matter any further. Daria's mind began to wander, and her thoughts turned to the encounters she'd had recently with various Highland residents, especially Todd.
A few minutes later, VanDriessen returned to the room, and had an announcement.
"That was Cassandra. They drug tested the boys, which is apparently normal in cases like these"
Daria raised an eyebrow skeptically, while Helen began to worry.
"They tested positive for Rohypnol" Daria and Helen were aghast at this news.
"Isn't that a date rape drug? Why would anyone want to..." Daria trailed off, slightly aghast
"That's not its only use" Helen explained "I suspect there's another reason, in this case..."
Daria quickly realized what it was "Memory loss" she said emphatically, punching the palm of her hand with the back of her other fist, and becoming worried about what they were mixed up in.
"Did you find anything from your web search?" VanDriessen asked Helen
"As a matter a fact, I did" Helen explained "The Highland News ran a story about a recent multi-car pileup on the state highway, on the outskirts of town. According to the article, the cause of the accident was two teenage boys emerging from, or perhaps falling out of, the trunk of a car. A few days later, they ran a retraction, saying the cause is still under investigation" Helen knew precisely what this meant, but wanted to see how long the two of them would take to figure it out. Daria knew instantly, but said nothing.
"That sounds like a cover up" VanDriessen said, after a few moments
"I guess our next step is to go back to the mechanics. Mom, can you threaten him with legalese if he doesn't co-operate. Last time, he threatened to sue Mr VanDriessen" Daria said, causing VanDriessen to blush slightly
"Of course, honey" she said, quite proud of her daughter in that moment
"Mr McIver? Helen Morgendorffer, attorney-at-law" she said, passing the mechanic a business card
"I'm guessing you ain't here for a tune up" he said, in a thick southern accent. The man stood around six foot tall, wearing coveralls, his hands were covered in engine grease, and he was chewing tobacco. The air was thick with fumes, and the smell of rust was everywhere.
"We're going to need to see your records" she said, in her professional tone of voice
"And why would I want to help you?" he asked, angrily
"Because" she said sternly "I can see about twenty violations of consumer law just off the top of my head. So you can talk to us, or to the Department of Commerce"
The mechanic stared her straight in the eye, with a look of annoyance, for a moment and muttered something under his breath none of them caught. Helen could smell his lunch, tobacco and alcohol on his breath, but didn't bat an eye. After a moment, he broke eye contact, and placed several shoe boxes on the table from various parts of the room.
"My records are a mess" he stated, dismissively "if you can make sense of 'em, you're welcome to 'em" he said, spitting into a jar on his desk.
He wasn't exaggerating. Helen and VanDriessen each opened a box, and receipts fell out and went flying everywhere. However, Daria remained still. There was something else bothering her.
"What aren't you telling us?" she asked, mirroring his body language
"Like I told your friend here, I just fix cars, I don't ask how folks broke 'em"
"And..." not letting him get away with his evasiveness.
"Look, sometimes people pay cash, and they don't leave a name, or nothin'" there was desperation in his voice, and Daria knew it.
"Anyone do that lately?" Daria could sense this was important
"Lady, do you have any idea how many customers come through here?" he asked, spitting again
Daria was unmoved, and kept staring a hole in him
"Okay, alright, there was somethin' recently that didn't add up" he admitted "A real expensive car, and a pair of fellas, one in a suit, he was real jumpy, and bald, and his friend with short hair, whose volume knob seemed broken, on account a' how he'd yell everythin'. A couple days later, another fella showed up, like some politician or somethin'. Gave me a stack of cash to keep ma' mouth shut" he blurted out, worried he'd said too much
"Anything else? Anything that stood out about the two men?" Daria pushed
"Yeah, I think they said they were teachers, at th' local high school"
Daria and VanDriessen immediately knew what that meant, and exchanged a look.
"I don't understand" Helen said, confused as the trio left "why did we stop looking all of a sudden?"
"Because we're pretty sure we know what's going on now" Daria said
"Or at least who is involved" VanDriessen clarified
"I still think Todd is involved somehow" Daria asserted
"Okay, and who else?" Helen asked
VanDriessen let out a sigh "My boss, and a colleague of mine"
"My old Principal and Gym teacher" Daria added
"And how are we going to find out exactly what they did, huh?" Helen enquired
"I'll ask them" VanDriessen said, disappointed
"And I'll follow up with Todd, see what else..." Daria began
"Like hell you will, young lady." Helen said, instinctively protective of her daughter, "I'll take care of that one. I know how to deal with his type. You can go back to the coroner's office, and see what you can dig up there."
"Okay, mom" Daria said, obediently
"I figured you'd be back" Earl said
"You didn't leave me with much choice" Daria said, flatly
"Look, all I can tell you" he said, as he leaned over the filing cabinet "is there ain't no record of anyone called Stuart Stephenson being sent here" and he pulled out a file, facing away from her. This didn't escape Daria's attention.
"And even if there were" he closed the drawer he pulled the file from "the records in this office are a bit of a mess, files are always going missing and, er, um" and he dropped in the small space between the filing cabinet and the wall "falling between the cracks. You know how it is" his words saying one thing, and his body language saying something very different. Daria instantly understood.
"Absolutely" Daria said, playing along
"Anyways, I really gotta use the bathroom. I expect you be gone when I get back" Earl insisted
"How long do you usually take?" Daria asked
"Oh, about five minutes, but I had a big lunch today, so I might take a little longer than usual"
"Thank you" Daria said
"Don't thank me, I do nothin', I never even saw ya" Earl declared
According to the heavily redacted file, Stewart's cause of death was internal bleeding, and also had several broken bones, believed to be caused by a car accident. What Daria found more interesting, however, was that the file was ordered sealed by the Grace County Sheriffs office.
"Who the hell are you?" Todd demanded, angrily
"Helen Morgendorffer, attorney. Let's take a ride young man" Helen suggested, but her tone made it clear it wasn't a request.
"Why would I wanna do that" Todd retorted
"Well, for a start, there's your house's dozen or so building code violations, which I'm more than willing to overlook. Also, no way is your car up to code. Your trunk doesn't even close properly" Helen casually remarked, not realizing (or pretending not to know) the significance
Todd grunted, and nodded in agreement.
"You ever drive down this road lately?" Helen casually asked, as they drove down the state highway just on the edge of town
"Maybe, what's it to you?" he groaned
"Get into any accidents?"
"What if I did?" he said, being deliberately evasive
"I'm guessing you don't like teachers, and you like police even less" Helen mused aloud
"Wow lady, its like you're a mind reader" he replied, brimming with sarcasm
"I do my research, and this time it taught me some very interesting things. Would you like me to enlighten you?" Helen asked firmly, yet casually
"Sure, whatever" Todd retorted, halfheartedly
"Todd Ianuzzi, you've got quite a rap sheet. Assault, Armed Robbery, a count of GTA, that you somehow slipped out of"
"Hey, the judge said I was not guilty"
"Yes, he did. But he also said that if he ever saw you again, he wouldn't hesitate to throw the book at you, so let me ask you again, have you had any accidents lately"
"Look, they said they'd make it go away" Todd snapped, aggressively
"Who did?" Helen pushed
"The fat dude and the army dude" Todd explained "They said they were friends with the Sheriff or something"
"And what did they make go away?"
"Okay, look, I just shoved the two retards into my trunk, just like I done a hundred times before. They didn't even fight. Then never do"
"What was different about this time?"
"They must have figured a way out. They busted the lock from the inside, somehow"
"And then?"
"Then there was some kid in the middle of the road. No idea how he got there"
"Had you been drinking?"
"Maybe, but that's not the point. The point is, I swerved to miss him, and I dunno, they must've fallen out or something"
VanDriessen nervously knocked on the door, and Principal McVicker opened the door
"Terry?"
"David, er, this isn't a very good time. I have company" McVicker said
"Terry, WHO is IT?" a loud voice came from the next room
VanDriessen didn't wait to be invited, and simply barged in, uncharacteristically. He figured this wasn't the time for half measures.
"Oh, hello Greg. I'm glad you're here, this involved you too"
"WHAT INVOLVES ME?"
"Well, I'm not sure if you've heard, but two of our students were arrested recently"
"Ah yes, Beavis and Butthead" McVicker said, almost gloating
"DON'T TELL ME YOU ACTUALLY FEEL SORRY FOR THOSE USELESS, PUKES" Coach Buzzcut yelled, angrily. This wasn't his ordinary too-loud voice, he was clearly unnerved.
"Actually, I just wanted to congratulate you. Whatever you did, it seems to have taken care of them for good this time. I just wanted to know how you did it" VanDriessen said, buttering up the two men, and feeling sick to his stomach for doing it. But it worked.
"Well, we were driving to a fundraiser for my cousin Tony, he's the Grace County Sheriff, and he's running for re-election" McVicker began
"AND THOSE TWO LITTLE PUKES SPILLED OUT OF THE TRUNK OF THE CAR IN FRONT" Buzzcut elaborated
The knot in VanDriessen's stomach was getting tighter.
"The car swerved suddenly. I mean, it was a bit erratic before, but then it quickly swerved into oncoming traffic" McVicker explained
"Why did they swerve? Were they avoiding something?" VanDriessen asked, thinking of someone in particular. The pieces were falling into place.
"At first I couldn't see, but then I swerved out of instinct, right into where they swerved away from" McVicker said
"And..." VanDriessen was suppressing the urge to vomit
"SOME KID WAS STANDING ON THE SHOULDER OF THE ROAD" Buzzcut yelled, barely containing his emotions.
"The next thing I knew, the kid was bouncing off the roof, and was lying dead on the road behind us. I did the only thing I could think of. I rang Tony and told him we'd be late, and why. He said we'd take care of the rest"
"And the other driver?" VanDriessen asked, successfully concealing his disgust, which was getting worse by the moment.
"WE REALIZED WE HAD A COMMON ENEMY, AND WE COULD TAKE THEM OUT TOGETHER, IF WE COOPERATED" Buzzcut was almost, excited, as he explained
"So, you framed Beavis and Butthead?" VanDriessen asked, without a hint of the disappointment he was feeling in the two men he once looked up to.
"What else could we do? The kid was dead either way, and those boys belong in prison, after everything they've put us, put everyone through. You realize that, don't you, David?" McVicker said, desperately
VanDriessen let out a heavy sigh "I guess so" and walked out.
As he did so, the Police (not the Sheriffs) entered the house and arrested the two men.
"Thanks for the tip off" one of the officers said, as VanDriessen removed the wire he had been wearing.
"Just doing my civic duty" VanDriessen said, with a sigh "What happens next?" handing it back to them.
"Well, if they co-operate, and turn on the Sheriff, they might get some leniency"
"And the Sheriff?" VanDriessen asked
"Well, that's an interesting question" the officer wasn't quite sure what to say to that.
Helen pulled up in the middle of town, and gave Todd an ultimatum
"Now then young man, as I said, I'm sure teachers aren't your favorite people, and you like cops even less. Are you sure you want to go down to protect them?"
"Lady, I don't talk to cops. But..." he thought long and hard about what he would say next
"Maybe, I can make an exception" he said, meekly
And then there was a knock on the window. They both looked up to see a police officer, and Todd realized they were parked in front of the Highland Police station, the stress clear on his face.
"Make a decision quickly, young man. They don't like to be kept waiting"
"That's great news" Cassandra said, but added "there's a complication though. This morning, the judge declared them unfit to stand trial, which means they're wards of the state, unless..."
"They have someone to take care of them. Right mom?" Daria suggested
"Exactly, sweetheart" Helen replied, beaming with pride
"What about their parents?" Daria asked, suspecting that she wouldn't like the answer
"We have no idea who their fathers are" VanDriessen said
"Butthead's mother died in childbirth. Beavis' mother raised the two of them until she passed away five years ago" Cassandra explained
"Wait, two things" Daria said, mildly confused "First, I thought they were brothers"
Cassandra shook her head "Nope, cousins. They're mothers were sisters. What was the other thing?"
Daria considered the answer for a moment, and then refocused "Right, the other thing. So, you're telling me that these two, deeply unintelligent boys have been taking care of themselves for the past five years?" VanDriessen and Cassandra nodded "How is that even possible?"
"Well, I arranged for them to get jobs at Burger World" VanDriessen stated
"Plus, I think they have relatives who stop by and check on them from time to time" Cassandra elaborated
"Do these relatives have names?" Helen asked, and everyone simply shrugged
"Maybe we should just ask them" Daria suggested
"There's Stuart, he lives in Arlen" Butthead said
"Wait, I thought Stewart was dead, and like, lived here" Beavis replied
"Beavis, you dumbass, that was, like, a different Stewart or something"
"Does this Stuart have a last name?" Helen asked
The boys ummed and erred for a moment. Then a light-bulb went off in VanDriessen's head.
"Of course" He said "I have a colleague in Arlen, who says he has a student that is the spitting image of these two. What was his name…
Dooley, that's it. Stuart Dooley"
"What about Stuart's parents?" Daria asked
"What about them?" Butthead replied
"How often do you see them?" Daria asked
"They like, stop by our house sometimes to give us money and food and stuff" Butthead said
"And pay your bills?" Helen suggested, as a lot of things came sharply into focus
"How would you like to live with them?" Cassandra asked
"Er, Stuart's pretty cool, but his parents are total dweebs, and they don't like us for some reason" Butthead explained
"Besides, its pretty cool here. We have TV, and food, why would we ever wanna leave?" Beavis said
"Cassandra, do you ever serve nachos here?" Daria asked
Cassandra, realizing what Daria was doing, played along, saying "No, Daria. We've never served nachos here, and we never will"
"What about beer?" Daria followed up with
"No, our patients aren't allowed alcohol" Cassandra said, flatly
"You hear that boys, No beer and no nachos. Ever"
"No way, that sucks!" Beavis declared, horrified
"Maybe we should live with Stuart's parents" Butthead suggested
"I'll make some phone calls" VanDriessen said
Helen, Daria and VanDriessen were waiting outside the facility, waiting for the boy's release, when Stewart's parents, Mr and Mrs Stevenson approached the group. Before anyone could said anything, Mrs Stevenson slapped Daria across the face, hard.
"Those little monsters may not have killed our dear, sweet, Stewart, but they're the reason he's dead" She said, weeping into her handkerchief. She then slapped VanDriessen across the face, slightly less hard.
"And you, you people, you, enabled them" She declared, between sobs
"You should be ashamed of yourselves" Mr Stevenson added, placing his arm around his wife's shoulder, leading her away. VanDriessen considered going after them to say, something. But Daria shook her head to persuade him not to.
Well, that was fun Daria thought
Eventually, the boys emerged, followed by Cassandra. They initially struggled to cope with the sunlight, given they hadn't been exposed to it for a while.
"Boys, I'm going to drive you to Arlen, and drop you off with the Dooleys, m'kay" VanDriessen said
"And I'll be coming with you" Cassandra elaborated
"Try and stay out of trouble" Daria said to the two of them before they got into VanDriessen's car. Butthead thought about saying some witty comeback, but just ended up saying "uh, okay"
"It was good seeing you again, Daria" Cassandra said, before hugging her, much to Daria's surprise "I'm thrilled to see what an amazing person you've become", and then got in the car.
Finally, it was VanDriessen's turn to say goodbye.
"Good luck in college" he said, shaking her hand, and then pulling her in for a hug. As he did so, Helen gave him a death stare.
"If you're ever in need of a lawyer, call me" she said, handing him a business card, adding "not my daughter" subtly
"Of course" he said, shaking her hand. And then he got into the car, and drove off, Leaving Helen and Daria standing on the pavement.
Daria and Helen took a taxi to the airport. Upon arriving, Helen took both of their suitcases, as Daria was still hobbling along with her walking stick. She was also quiet and lost in thought, which Helen noticed. She was about to ask her daughter about it, when they were asked to empty their pockets by security.
"And the walking stick too, ma'am" the tall, burly security guard said
Helen was about to make a scene, and invoke some law. But it proved unnecessary, when Daria relented, and walked through the security screen, upright, and felt okay for the first time in as long as she could remember. It was as if a great weight had been lifted. Because of this, once they were through security, Daria decided this was the time to unburden herself further.
"What's on your mind, sweetheart?" Helen asked
"Well, Todd and I have crossed paths before, and its good that he's probably going to jail, but there's more. Do you remember, before we moved to Lawndale, how I used to be a little more, expressive?"
"Not really. I guess I never really paid you enough attention, and I'm sorry about that" Helen said, sincerely
"Well, I forgive you. But there's something that I've been keeping inside for a long time. Something I'm finally ready to share" Daria said, and Helen prepared to listen intently.
It was our last day of school before moving. As usual, I followed Quinn home. Partly to annoy her, and partly to protect her. Not that I would ever admit that I cared about her. Anyway, Todd started hassling us, as he usually did. He kept offering Quinn a ride home, and this time, I didn't think he was going to take no for an answer. So, I offered to go instead of her.
"Sorry sis, he's just not that into you" I said, trying to get under her skin, and hoping she wouldn't notice what I was doing (but she definitely did).
Anyway, he was driving recklessly, and trying to feel me up the whole time. I could tell things were only going to get worse, and that there was only one way out of this. I would need to switch off my emotions in order to make it happen and that is exactly what I did. I grabbed the steering wheel, and turned the car directly into the center divider of the highway we were on, which wasn't that far from the other crash site.
I was wearing my seat belt, so I was relatively fine, just a few cuts and bruises, and a major case of shock. Todd however, was thrown through the front windshield and onto the concrete in front. I thought he was dead, until I saw him twitching.
After that, I walked home, like nothing had happened. You and Dad didn't notice anything was up, but Quinn went straight into my room with a first aid kit, and we had a pretty major argument, while she treated my injuries. She insisted that she didn't need anyone's protection. I just said that it had nothing to do with her, and I was an adrenaline junkie, or something. We agreed never to speak of it again, and neither of us has until now.
I think in hindsight, that's a big part of why I'm so stoic, because I know that emotions get in the way, and I have to approach everything logically.
By the time Daria finished the story, they were already on the flight, and half way home. Helen was on the verge of tears, and gave her daughter a big hug, which Daria reluctantly accepted. During the hug, Helen let go over all of her tears. However, she composed herself in time for landing.
Daria saw the front of the house and was shocked. She said "What the hell happened here?" in a tone that was almost emotive by her standards.
TO BE CONTINUED...