Dimitri

I was waiting.

It seemed like I was always waiting these days, for what, I wasn't entirely sure.

I rang the doorbell once and knocked twice for good measures. I was nothing if not thorough.

Taking a step back from the door, I waited with Tasha fidgeting next to me.

"Dimitri, I wasn't kidding. Relax." Tasha insisted, continuing our conversation from the car.

I sighed out of annoyance. Relax. I hated that word.

I was about to relay just that when the door was suddenly flung open.

"Aunt Tasha!" Christian greeted us enthusiastically before pulling his aunt into a hug. He stuck his hand out to me in greeting, and I managed a polite smile while shuffling Tasha's bag to my other hand so that I could shake his.

He ushered us swiftly into the house, kicking the door shut behind him.

Stopping in what I appeared to be the living area, we were greeted by Lissa's second guardian, my replacement, Darren Lee. A large, burly, man who appeared to be just a few years older than me. His reputation proceeded him, he was pulled from a mission squad at the Queen's request and placed on Lissa's guardian team. Guardian mission squads were rare, nearly unheard of. His presence spoke volumes of the Moroi Queen's involvement in the Dragomir princess's life. His body was that of a bodybuilder. Despite his intimidating layers of muscle, he was a pleasant guy. He was the kind of person who was quick to smile, but I knew better than to dismiss him as a threat. Under that smile lived a Guardian.

And then there was Guardian Castile or Eddie as his friends knew him, who was standoffish at our entrance, choosing to keep his spot leaning against the couch. While he offered Tasha a, small, polite smile, his eyes scanned right over my form. The tilt of his head was the only greeting that I would apparently be receiving from Guardian Castile. While warm greetings were not typically exchanged between Guardians, especially from those who were on duty, a formal handshake was not out of line. But I did not begrudge him his silence.

Like mine, his facial expression betrayed no emotion. His avoidance of my attempts to make eye contact, however, spoke volumes of his true opinions of me.

Mr. Castile was in full understanding of what had transpired between Rose and me. He was not impressed.

"And you already know my unenthusiastic Guardian," Christian concluded, seeming to think nothing of Eddie's apathy. Confirming my suspicions that Christian hadn't been informed. His ignorance was the sole reason that Tasha and had been invited.

I stood in the background, observing silently. My eyes swept the room, not even bothering to lie to myself in that I was looking for signs of Rose as Christian conversed excitedly with Tasha.

I stifled yet another sigh, wondering for the millionth time that day how I had managed to find myself here. I could sense that in being here that I was in a precipice moment, one that I had been launched into. I was a mess, and I had a very distinct feeling that things were about to get messier.

My life had come to a standstill over the past ten months as if I were trapped behind a glass wall as life around me continued. I had hit pause that day I watched Rose walk away from the gym. At that moment, I had believed that my decisions were the right ones, I still did, but I knew that that choice was now being undone and I was powerless to prevent it from unfolding.

I knew it was selfish to feel excited to be here, but all the same, I could not ignore the buzz of adrenaline surging through me.

Unable to keep completely still, I shifted Tasha's two bags again to my other hand. Absently musing what she could possibly have packed to weigh this much. The single duffel I had packed for the duration of the journey weighed less than just one of the two she had packed.

Christian was quick to realize my predicament and offered us the tour of the house, joking that Tasha must have packed her entire apartment for me to be struggling. I couldn't help but agree wholeheartedly.

The house itself wasn't necessarily small considering how many people it housed. Their back yard was a large fenced-in area that included both a pool and a covered patio. The kitchen and dining were connected with an open floor plan that led to the family room. There was only a single hallway that consisted of four-bedrooms and a bathroom. From my understanding, two of the bedrooms already had bathrooms in them, Rose, Eddie, and Darren shared a jack and jill bathroom, and the bedroom that Christian and Lissa shared had an ensuite.

It wasn't until we reached the fourth bedroom at the end of the hallway that I realized that this must be Rose's room. The sign on the door was a dead giveaway. Don't come a knock'n if the room is a rock'n. I couldn't help the small smile that formed its way onto my lips.

"And this is where you two are staying, Aunt Tasha," Christian said, hesitating before looking to me. "Rose's room is plenty big enough. We can have an air mattress prepared for you in here if you'd prefer, Guardian Belikov." He finished awkwardly. Unsure what to make of my status with his aunt.

I smiled politely. And so it begins. I cringed inwardly.

"Please, call me Dimitri, and whatever accommodations are available will be fine," I said, trying to convey my point without actually having to say it.

Eyebrows raised, "Is that a yes or no to the air mattress?" Christian questioned, amused.

Laughing, Tasha reached out for Christian's shoulder. "That was cryptic Russian speak for, yes. He's too polite to ask." She explained, with a mock punch to my arm.

Smiling as understanding dawned, Christian laughed.

"Well, now that that's out of the way. You two can freshen up in Rose's bathroom if you want. We are barbecuing tonight, and Liss and Rose should be getting home from class soon."

Rose would be home soon. My stomach leaped, strange emotions coiling at the back of my throat.

"So, I guess I'll leave you guys to it. Dimitri, you'll find the air mattress in Rose's closet. Lissa will set it up for you tonight." Christian offered, before retreating down the hall.

"Are you sure she is okay with this…Rose, I mean?" I asked, unable to stop myself.

Turning around to face me, Christian stopped mid-stride.

The look he gave me said it all. "You're kidding me, right? This is Rose we are talking about. You above all people should know she will, without a doubt, not be okay about sharing her room, but she'll get over it. I don't even think she knows you guys are staying with us yet. I think Liss wanted everything to be a surprise for her." He said with a shrug before turning to leave again, only confirming my thoughts that he didn't know … yet.

You above all people. It was like a swift punch in the gut. I felt the air leave my lungs with a whoosh and the stab of pain that accompanied it.

Yes. I above all people should have known that.

Heartache threatened to overwhelm me. The deep ache in the center of my chest reminded me of the closeness that Rose and I once shared. When I had been nothing but a mentor and friend. I was the person who fought for her when no one else would. But I left.

And, yet, here I was. Standing outside of her room, ten months later, and she didn't even know it.

A sick feeling twisted in the pit of my stomach, it was one I was very familiar with.

I turned back around to Tasha. Something about my anguish must have betrayed me because she slipped a comforting hand into my own. Encouraging me.

"It'll be alright, Dimka." were her only words of comfort.

Undeniably, I, Dimitri Belikov, had gone from badass to softy in the blink of an eye.

After Ivan's death, I ran from Russia without looking back. And suddenly, I had found myself in Montana, the perfect place to hide. Especially, when there was nobody there to find you. Until there was Rose.

Technically, I had been the one who had found her, but the reality was that she had seen me when I hadn't known I wanted to be found.

For ten months I had been disconnected from her world. While I had been traveling with Tasha, Lissa had struck up a deal with the Queen to have her, her friends, and their guardians relocated while they attended college. It had all been done under heavy security, and not without good reason. The last Dragomir was to be protected at all costs, but not even Tasha had been informed of their whereabouts. Not until recently.

The sudden disconnection was not without suspicion. Lissa's intentions were more than the desire to be able to attend college in privacy. She wanted to protect her friend. From me, and rightly so.

It hadn't taken me long to figure out that this was the one mistake I didn't want to live with, but, by that point, I knew the one and the only thing I could ever give Rose was consistency. It wouldn't be fair for me to show up only to interrupt her life all over again.

And, yet, here I stood.

I doubted that she wanted to be found, much less by me.

I could leave right now. I told myself, Tell Tasha that I was done. I could hide again. Go back to Russia, and never know. I had done what I had needed to, after all. I had met the Queen's terms. Rose would be safe to make her own choices now that it was over, as safe as she ever was to freely choose within the reality of Moroi royalty.

I contemplated all of these things as my hand hesitated over the knob to her room.

But the problem was I couldn't. My entire being rebelled against my instincts to run. I wanted to be here, more than anything, wanted to make things right. I wanted her to remember me as the man who stood up when no one else would. Not as the one who left. This was right.

With a deep breath, I straightened my back and held my head high as my hand closed around the knob. With a push, the door opened, and I couldn't turn back.

Ready or not, here I come.

After ten long months of being Rose-less, my senses were attacked by everything that was Rose. Sweet heaven in the midst of my own personal hell.

I inhaled deeply as I stepped into the room, torturing myself slowly.

Thoughts I had forbidden myself from thinking for the past ten months rushed back, attacking me at my weakest moment.

Rose and I in the cabin, fighting side by side in battle, stolen kisses, heart-stopping smiles, secret glimpses that were worth a million words, whispering secrets in the dark of her dorm room, us. My most treasured memories were the ones that haunted me nightly.

And for the first time, I didn't fight them. I let them consume me. I let myself miss her.

Clothes were scattered on the floor, her school books were piled on her desk next to her speaker. The light purple walls were decorated with pictures, some of her and Eddie, while most were of her and Lissa, Darren could be seen in the background of most, even Christian was in some of them, among all the familiar faces there many that were unfamiliar to me, but, of course, much to my distaste, there were plenty of Adrian.

One, in particular, irked me in a way I no longer had the right to be. The picture seemed to be taken at a Halloween party earlier during the year with Rose as a police officer dressed in what appeared to be a tightly fitted button-up shirt with the word sheriff stretched across her bust, and a ridiculously short pair of shorts with a pair of fuzzy pink cuffs hanging out of her waistband, only to be complemented by her knee-high black boots. And of course, Adrian was her prisoner. Dressed in black and white prison stripes, hands bound in cuffs as he kissed her cheek. But the thing that killed me was the look on her face, smiling so carefree to the world.

It was a glimpse of the Rose who she used to be. It was a Rose who I had to learn to love in time.

It was the girl who ran away to protect her friend without giving it a second thought, it was the girl who was careless but equally passionate, it was the teenager who hooked up in abandoned lounges when she was on probation, it was the girl who managed to surprise you at every turn, the one who never backed down, it was the young woman who enjoyed taunting men with the swing of her hips, the life of parties, it was the girl that was dragged back to school by some Russian in the middle of an identity crisis.

I should have been delighted to see that she was happy, but I couldn't.

I turned away, forcing myself to swallow around the thickness of my throat.

Her bed was, of course, unmade, revealing her black sheets and disarranged pillows.

Next to her bed was her nightstand that held a lamp and an uneaten bag of sweet-tarts, but what caught my eye was the worn western novel.

My heart swelled as I reached for the book and realized it was one of my favorites, in Russian no less. The worn binding and dog-eared folded pages were well familiar to me. The book was something that had been left behind, mistakenly, in my haste to be out of her dorm before nightfall.

Does she still think about me?

I ran my fingers over the cover almost reverently. Did I dare to hope?

Her dresser was crowded with more picture frames and clothing, and out of her closet peeked something silky and black.

All the while Tasha sat on the bed quietly observing, waiting for me to speak, but of course, there was nothing for me to say. This was Rose's life now. My smile slowly disappeared as I set the book back down to its original spot.

I turned around in a small circle, observing her not so small room once more before I joined Tasha on the edge of the bed, sorely tempted to bury my face in one of Rose's pillows.

The pictures alone proved that life moved on. Or so it seemed for everyone but me.

I could hardly hope that redemption was an option for me. Not this time.

For a moment, I had managed to delude myself into thinking that I could explain myself to her. As if words would ever be enough for leaving the way that I did. That was foolish thinking. I broke her and left her for someone else to pick up.

"I was supposed to be the one who picked up the pieces."

Forgetting that I was alone for a moment until Tasha's arms snaked around my waist.

"Dimka," Tasha started, but I cut her off breaking out of her embrace.

"What am I doing here?" I asked, not waiting for an answer. "Tasha, this is her life now." I looked to the picture of her and Adrian, "And I am no longer a part of that. I shouldn't be here." I rested my head against the wall, defeated.

My moment of confidence was replaced with the picture.

I was miserable, never before had I felt so torn. I could almost hear my mother's voice "The heart always longs most for what we have deprived ourselves of, my Dimika." She would say while patting my cheek softly.

The bed jostled as Tasha stood. I knew she was standing in front of me, waiting. I could feel her eyes penetrating me, trying to burn holes in my new, ridiculous, clothes, but still, I didn't look.

"You are an idiot." She deadpanned.

Shocked, my eyes flew open following her as she paced the room avoiding piles of clothes.

For the past ten months, Tasha had been nothing but supportive towards me offering me, undeserved, kind words of comfort. But something had apparently changed.

"I didn't work my way into my nephew's girlfriend's plans just so that you could give up before you even tried." Her voice began to rise with palpable anger.

I looked on, watching as her anger grew, letting her continue her rant. "We are not here for just you, you, blind, big idiot! I swear, if I had known half of what was going on with you and Rose ten months ago, I would have never called you!" She paused her pacing to glare at me.

"Wha…" I started to say but was quickly cut off.

"No. Shut it. It's my turn to talk." Her glare intensified. I shut my mouth and waved my hand in front of me, motioning for her to continue.

She let out an irritated huff and returned to pacing. "You know, Dimitri, when you came to me when I called, nearly a year ago, I saw how troubling it was for you to decide, but I figured you would tell me when you were ready, and you did. But when you told me why you had left Lissa, I wanted to kick you in your shins for being such a huge idiot."

I hung my head in shame. True, Tasha had never told me this, but it was not news to me. I already knew that I was an idiot for what I had done. Knowing was one thing, but having it acknowledged was another.

"But I never voiced my opinion like I should have because I knew you needed a friend." She looked back over to me, her expression softening slightly.

She walked back over to the bed reclaiming her spot once again, patting the spot next to her. Waiting until I sat before she asked, "Do you know why I was so adamant about this trip?".

"I had assumed it was because you wanted to visit Christian. I am wrong, aren't I?" I asked, no longer fighting fate.

She nodded her head guiltily, "That was just a bonus."

I could feel my eyebrow arching high on my forehead, silently asking her to explain further.

After a moment she said, "Dimka, for nearly a year now you have barely spoken unless spoken to. You have taken no time for yourself. Any joy you expressed while traveling with me was entirely out of obligation. You of course had other pressing things to attend to, but it was more than that. Even outside of your sense of duty. You were back to the emotionless guardian. It has scared me to see you like that. I hadn't seen you this way since Ivan's death, and even then you were better off than this. I couldn't help comparing you to the Dimitri I last saw at graduation with Rose by his side."

Tasha's hand covered my knee as I winced at the memory. It was the last time Rose, and I had been together. I remembered pressing my lips to her forehead when I was sure nobody was looking. I remembered her walking on stage to deliver her speech, having made top in her novice classes, her eyes searching and finding mine before beginning her speech. I had never before been so proud. But I hadn't known what that night would lead to for me, for her.

Slowly Tasha continued, watching for my reactions. "For the first several months or so I was content to let you brood, thinking that you would eventually come around and be able to move on, but you never did. At times I would think you were, but, then again, I knew you were only pretending for my sake. I even tried to convince myself that you were fine, but as more time began to pass, I knew I had to do something. Especially after the mission had ended…So I called Court in an attempt to find Rose, only to find out that my nephew had moved away with his girlfriend and their guardians and had changed their numbers. It would be a breach of security to attain more information. So, I did the only thing I could think to do. I started making phone calls. Eventually, after getting the same 'I don't know', I turned to the last person I could think of, the one person I knew for a fact would know where Rose was, Abe…"

My jaw dropped. Forgoing any attempt to hide my surprise. "You contacted Ibrahim?"

Adrenaline surged through my veins. She knew. She knew who Ibrahim was, knew what he did, knew what he expected of the people to who he granted favors. But my hearing was not the flaw in our situation.

"Tasha, how could you be so stupid?" I rose, uncaring that my words were in poor taste.

Mildly offended, she shook her head. "I had to. Just listen. I don't expect you to understand, but I had to."

"Understand what exactly? Has he asked you to return the favor yet? What was it?" I demanded frantically not giving her time to respond.

Things were suddenly much more complicated than I had initially realized. Stupidly, I had only been concerned with how I was going to deal with Rose. Never once had I even considered her motives behind this trip. Always assuming that it was as simple as Tasha missing her nephew, but of course, it wasn't, it never was. Especially if Rose was involved.

"Well?" I demanded.

Tasha was my friend, but, more than that, she was my charge. If she was in danger, I needed to know about it. I would do whatever it took to protect her.

She looked at me in a way that only she could. It was a look that said, 'Stop being so ridiculous. I am more than capable of taking care of myself, and you know it'. How she was able to communicate all that through a look, I would never understand. I snorted in frustration, "This is not a game!"

"I had to because I couldn't just sit by and watch you throw your life away any longer!" She exclaimed, daring me to challenge her.

I dropped back down to the bed, taken aback by her words. They were very similar to what I had once told Roza. And for that reason only, I could understand. I understood why Tasha had to.

She still loved me, more than I could ever love her. Although the thought had suddenly occurred to me, I knew it to be true.

I sighed deeply, things had gotten so complicated and because of me. I didn't need Tasha to explain any further. We were here because I needed to make things right again between Rose and myself. Whatever that would mean for either of us, we needed closure. And, eventually, in return, I would be helping Tasha too.

I wanted so badly to tell her the same, to save us both from this kind of suffering, but that wasn't possible. Heartaches weren't something that was covered in novice training.

Wrapping my arms around her shoulders, I brought her closer into my chest and dropped a kiss on top of her head, hating myself.

"I am sorry, sorry that it's like this. I wish we could be different, you have to know that, but I can't, not when there is..."

"Rose," Tasha said, finishing my sentence for me.

"I know," She breathed, pulling out of my hold. "I've always known. I admit that I was hopeful for a while but, I know. Don't be sorry for me, because I am so very happy for you," She continued with a small smile. I couldn't help but notice the longing in her eyes. "Just don't mess it up, you were given a second chance. Let's make the most of it this time."

"I will," I promised. How could I not?

BANG! BANG! BANG! The frame of the house rattled suddenly.

I was at the door before Tasha could form another sentence. Listening carefully only to hear muffled shouting.

I was torn between staying in the room to ensure Tasha's safety and running to the front and assist.

Strigoi attack midday was impossible, so that was quickly ruled out. Angry pizza delivery boy, however unlikely that was, was not entirely impossible, especially considering who lived in this house.

Christian's angry voice carried "A little louder, Rose! I don't think they heard you at Court!"

Rose.

Both relief and anxiety washed over me at once, leaving me once more with that sick feeling in my gut.

So the house was not under attack from a jilted pizza boy. I couldn't decide which situation I would prefer, subduing a ramped pizza delivery guy or facing Rose after I disappeared for ten months?

The pizza boy.

Then I heard it. Her laugh. I had the door open and was headed down the hallway before I could even consider what may lay ahead.

But it didn't matter, because she was suddenly there. Smiling broadly at whatever Eddie had just said.

God. That smile. I couldn't even remember the last time he had seen it.

Yes, I could.

I had just arrived back on campus. Bile rose in my throat, my legs all but screamed in agony with each step that carried me closer to the gym. The place that I had spent many treasured hours in, but no longer. Perhaps it would be possible to lure her out…

Oh yes. That would just make things so much better, wouldn't it? You could simultaneously destroy both of your hearts in the eye of the public.

You bastard. I cursed myself.

With every step, I found that I hated myself more. Every breath was forced.

Move. I commanded myself. You will do this. She will move on. You will let her. No matter how much it hurts you, you will let her walk away.

Those were the words I had been chanting to myself since I had set foot on the plane that would bring me back here. Back to her. I dared not to think anything else. My resolve would crumble. I would no longer walk but sprint to the gym. I wouldn't ask her to sit with me. Instead, I'd crush my mouth to hers until we were both breathless. I wouldn't let her walk away from me, I'd swing her into my arms and carry her to our cabin not caring of onlookers. From there I'd make love to her and beg her to keep me forever.

It was so sweet I could almost taste it, but no.

Instead, I would give her her life back. I will bow out and stand by like the gentleman my mother raised me to be. I will let her go. My heart twisted and tears gathered in the corners of my eyes, but I refused them. I would do this, could do this for her. When all was said and done, there was really only but one choice to make. I couldn't think about what I wanted. We would have to deal with the consequences, and it would be difficult, but I couldn't take it all away from her. I just couldn't. I wouldn't let myself.

My stomach clenched, and I was sure that it would send up what little breakfast I had managed that morning.

The gym door closed in on me, and I had no choice but to enter.

For a moment, if only for a second, all was right in the world, because she was there smiling up at me. A heart-stopping smile, one that I was sure could bring me to my knees, one that I would do anything for.

"Rose." Her name fell like a prayer from my lips.

All conversation came to an abrupt halt. Bags of groceries slipped from Lissa's grasp and spilled to the floor, Darren was at the door before Rose could even figure out what was happening.

It was Eddie who warned Rose of our presence, Tasha who confirmed it.

Tasha's hand found the small of my back silently urging me forward. Numbness seized my legs, my entire body was frozen. My heart pounded in my chest, begging for me to end this torture.

Slowly she slipped off the countertop, her movements stiff. Her muscles tense as if bracing for an attack.

God, she was beautiful. Slowly she was turning towards me, Eddie hovering protectively behind her.

We were caught somewhere between time and space as our eyes met. I felt like crumbling to my knees, I felt like I was flying, I felt … complete for the first time in nearly a year.

Slowly her body relaxed, relief washed over her physique. Her eyes slowly drifted from mine, outlining the details of the rest of my face. Rememorizing the details.

Rose. Rose Hathaway was standing in front of me. There was no fighting or yelling, no tears to wipe away. Just two broken hearts basking in the glory of reunion.

This was a chance I never thought I'd have the privilege to have again. Or if I did, I imagined it to be years down the road, not ten months. Ten months wasn't enough time to heal. Raw pain separated us. But for this split second, it didn't matter, because this was real. She was real. For some time now I think my mind had been trying to convince me that our time together had been some kind of beautifully twisted dream.

Her button-up shirt was much too big for her, in an adorable sort of way. Her sleeves rolled up to her elbows. Her tight-fitted jeans didn't leave much to the imagination. Her stake was, no doubt, hidden expertly in her belt loops reminding me that she was not the picture of college girl innocence that she appeared to be. Her hair fell in loose waves around her shoulders; my hands trembled, longing to run my fingers through the soft locks. And then there were her eyes.

Her eyes held her soul, a soul that mine called out to. The deep brown irises threatened to melt me on the spot. It was through her eyes that I had learned to love Rose, it was her eyes that told me the words that she couldn't speak, and her eyes that made me fall so hard over and over again. For a moment it was almost as if I had never left.

It was like breathing in the air after being underwater.

Unspoken words floated between us, words that I should have said a long time ago. The distance that separated us was suddenly no longer acceptable. I couldn't take it.

With only one step in her direction, I knew my mistake the moment I made it. I had let myself succumb to my emotions, something that was happening far too often. I had lost control. Unconsciously she had moved with me.

Eddie's hand on her shoulder seemed to bring her back to her surroundings. Her eyes flashed suddenly very aware. A mask that only a guardian could master slammed into place, cutting off the little connection that we had had.

I didn't miss the hurt that was there, but she hid it well.

If Rose was anything, she was strong. Stronger than I could ever hope to be.

I made my decision then, I would erase that hurt from her eyes, or I would die trying. Even if that meant never getting to see her again, I would fix this.

"Roza, I…" Am so sorry, love you, am an idiot. I wasn't quite sure which I was going to say, but I hate Adrian Ivashkov was pretty high on the list.

"Hot damn, who let the Russian in?" Not five feet to my left stood Adrian Ivashkov in his usual drunken stupor, alternating from shooting glares at me to Christian across the room. The smell of alcohol radiated off him in waves. I nearly had to physically restrain myself from pinching my nose in disgust.