*** Dimitri ***
"Good lord, Ivashkov! I can smell you from here, take a shower, would you? Either that or stop shooting me dirty stares, it's not my fault that you smell like rat piss." Christian, however, had no qualms about pinching his nose to avoid the heavy stench of vodka even going as far as to wave his hand in front of his face to ward off the aroma.
With one final glare to my back Adrian managed his signature smirk and winked at Christian. "Admit it Christian, you like it."
Shouldering his way past me, causing himself to stumble more in the process, he made his way over to Rose, taking position next Eddie. Sobering almost instantly. His concerned glance to Rose did not go unnoticed by me. It was unsettling to see such a vulnerable emotion on Adrian Ivashkov.
Rose simply shook her head in his direction. Some silent communication passing between the two.
Lissa was the one to recover the situation, smiling in that easy way of hers.
"Tasha! Guardian Belikov! It's been too long!" she rushed over to give us each a hug. Stepping back to look over Tasha's appearance then my own and laughed.
"College really suits you, both of you." She said with another look back in my direction lingering over my knees, still giggling. Oh yes, the clothes. The ridiculous clothes. I was in shorts for fucks sake!
Outwardly I only smiled. "Thank you, Princess Vasilisa. Yes, it certainly is a change." Understatement of the year.
Scoffing at my use of her formal title, she frowned. "I thought we've been over this, you are supposed to call me Lissa! Just like all of my other friends. I do believe you are one of the few that still insists on calling me Princess, much less Vasilisa!" She laughed good naturedly.
Forcing a smile at the memory, I nod. "I think that agreement worked two ways, Princess." I teased.
She blushed. "Oh right, Sorry, Dimitri."
"We will call it even, Lissa." Even to my own ears the name sounded forced coming from my mouth. Laughs erupted around the room at our banter. The tension in my chest stopped twisting so violently, but its presence was not dulled in the least. Even as an outsider it felt good to be part of this world again.
Even Rose smiled, her eyes not on me but her best friend. Whether or not the smile was intended for me was moot point because something warm still fluttered in my chest. Even when her eyes did meet mine again her smile did not totally vanish only dimming. Contemplative almost, like she was looking at an old friend.
One thing was for sure, this was not the teenager morphing into a young woman that I had left at court. No, this was Rose Hathaway, grown up. During our time apart something had shifted, I burned to know what.
Ridiculous clothes and banter aside my gaze was drawn back to Lissa. Her open green eyes held not one ounce of malice for me, in fact she looked almost hopeful, catching my eye her smile widened.
"We were so excited when Christian extended the invitation! I am only sorry it was such short notice because I didn't have time to get the house ready." Her eyes drifted around the living area and dining room. "I am sorry about our lack of bed space, we could have gotten something set up if only I knew." Her eyes full of genuine concern.
This time it was Tasha who scoffed. "Oh please! Your house is fine! I am sorry that we couldn't give you guys more notice. I certainly didn't expect this! It is so kind of you to welcome us into your plans! I am sure we will manage."
Lissa's smile returned. "I am glad that you like it! It certainly has been an adventure with only two girls living in a house with four men! And poor Rose has to share a bathroom with two of them." She laughed. Tasha joined in offering her sympathy.
Rose smirked. "Better Eddie and Darren than Adrian or Sparky! They at least shower regularly." She laughed halfheartedly while slowly edging away from Adrian.
"Hey!" Christian and Adrian chimed in together.
"Oh come on, Rosie. We are not that bad are we?" Darren who was putting away groceries elbowed her playfully in the side. Laughing, she batted him away. "No, not so much you, just Adrian."
To my ever-growing surprise and Christian's obvious aggravation she did not lay into him for using the dreaded nickname. More laughter abound the room. No one seemed to think of exchange between Rose and Darren to be odd. In fact, they treated it with the upmost naturalness.
Tasha who seemed to see what I was seeing nudged her hip into mine as if to say we don't know anything yet, give it time.
My heart thudded unevenly in my chest; I pushed away my envy. Knowing that it wasn't my place.
"As I have explained before, little Dhampir, natural musk is what is most compelling." Adrian explained waggling his eyebrows. Once again, I had to restrain my disgust. As it would turn out Rose expressed it for me beautifully.
"Hate to break it to you but there is nothing natural about that smell. What do you call it Amor de vodka?"
Laughter bubbled up in my chest, spilling from my lips in a hearty chuckle sending all eyes in the room to me. Adrian's hateful glare was easy to ignore when her eyes were on me.
Amusement laced with sadness clouded her beautiful eyes. It was almost like she was noticing me for the first time, like she was finally accepting that this was real.
"Hey there, Comrade, long time; no see." A sad smile curled at the corner of her mouth. There was no bitterness or anger to her words, the only thing that gave her away was the reluctant hurt in her eyes. And still I was the only one who noticed it.
Oh Rose.
Words stuck in my throat. Clearing my throat, I tried again. "Hello Rose, how have you been?" It was a loaded question and we both knew it. I regretted the words the moment I spoke them. To the outside I sounded polite and friendly, like I was pleasantly surprised to see my student again, but I knew that she could see right through me.
The smile did not falter but her eyes did harden. She could play the game now, too. After all, she was a Guardian.
"I've been better, but life goes on, doesn't it?" Resentment laced her words ever so slightly, in fact if I hadn't been paying attention, I don't think I would have noticed. I flinched slightly, feeling stupid.
Opening up was not something that came naturally to me, but with Rose that didn't matter. She was the chink in my armor. The one person I was vulnerable to.
All the sleepless nights, the heartache, the tears, the hurt, the brokenness, the regret, and my unending guilt it was all out in the open. I held nothing back as I looked to her my mask faltered and I was a bastard for it. But in the weight of the moment, I couldn't reign myself in quickly enough. It was what I had worried about since I had first realized that I had feelings for Rose, that she would be my undoing.
Her expression clearly told me that she had read me loud and clear.
With a sharp intake of breath, she dropped her gaze from mine. It was the pain that she couldn't quite manage to hide that was my undoing. A battle raged inside of her, head and heart torn apart, and she fought it so beautifully. She hid it all so well.
"Rose, I am so sorry." I pleaded quietly, my voice breaking slightly. The people in the room were next to non-existent for all that I cared.
She shook her head refusing to meet my eyes. "No. You don't have to be." And with that she turned away from me, regaining her composure.
"Tasha," Rose said her voice steady. "Thanks for calling. It's always so great to hear from you." The double meaning was clear in her words to everyone in the room.
"What the hell?" Christian's question went unanswered in the silent room.
Lissa cleared her throat. "Why don't we move this gathering into the living room where we can be more comfortable, we can put the stakes on the grill in a little while." It was a weak attempt to shift the focus of conversation but an attempt nonetheless.
"Actually, I think I am going to go for a run. Darren?" Lissa's face fell. Rose going for a run apparently meant nothing good.
Darren who was just about the only person in the room not affected by the tension agreed easily to Rose's unasked question. "As always Rose, I don't know why you even bother asking. Or why we don't just alter our schedules. You know I don't mind."
She smiled. "Thanks, D." Eddie offered to go with her but she refused.
"Rose… I thought we were going to watch movies?" The dejectedness in Lissa's voice stopped Rose in her tracks.
"We can tonight. After dinner, I promise." She said forcing a smile.
"Rose…" Lissa started again but was cut off.
"Thirty minutes tops; promise." And with that she moved past us to her room, the door shut with a soft click.
"Real smooth, asshole." Adrian snapped, his chest puffing up in anger. "Welcome back. I'm not sure how we've managed without your presence."
Eddie's face was colder than it had been after Spokane.
I had no will whatsoever to argue. He was right of course. Me being here was no favor to them.
"I am sorry." I said again, hearing how hollow the words must have sounded to them. I knew I was apologizing for more than what had just transpired.
"I bet you are!" Adrian grumbled, his overly aware green eyes looking for something that he wished wasn't there.
Scowling in disgust, he looked away.
"Don't you think she has had enough to deal with?" Adrian Ivashkov could be accused of being a lot of things, but in that moment, I knew it could no longer be of not being a good friend to Rose. He genuinely cared for her. In fact, I owed him for taking care of her when I didn't.
"That's enough, Adrian! Lay off! This is none of your business." Lissa admonished, her pale face flushing with anger.
"Like hell I will! You can't tell me that you have forgotten what the past year has been like! What?" He asked in outrage, "He shows up and the sun shines again? I don't believe this shit! She was getting better, finally!"
"Adrian, that's enough! That's not fair! Of course I haven't forgotten she is my best friend! And if you call that 'getting better' then dear God, you know nothing about her! She was pretending! You can pretend all you want but you know she needs this!" Lissa's voice continued to rise.
"Both of you stop, before you say something you don't mean." Eddie's firm voice broke through their argument. "This is for Rose and Guardian Belikov to deal with. Lissa is right this is none of our business, and we all know very well Rose wouldn't appreciate us butting in."
"But that's…."
"I said drop it." Eddie met Adrian's glare with his own. Eddie's steely tone left no room for argument. Adrian stormed out followed by a slam of a door.
"Guardian Castile is right. This is not for you to worry about. I am sorry that I have caused you all so much grief."
Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that when I left that it would have this big of an impact on not only Rose, but her friends as well. It tore a hole in her world and they were all trying to live around it. At the time mine was already coming apart at the seams, Rose was what had held it together. I hadn't wanted her to give up her life for me, but she tried anyway.
"I know you didn't mean too." Lissa tried to console me, her face full of understanding sympathy; but she couldn't possibly understand.
Stop being so got damned nice to me. I hurt her. I still hurt her.
No one in this room could possibly understand what it felt like to love someone so much that you would give them up so that they could have what they deserved. They didn't know hurt until they were the one's responsible for it. Not only for my own, but hers.
I've made many mistakes in my life but this was the one I would carry with me for the rest of my life.
I would give anything to take it back. I would go back to graduation night and follow Rose back to her room like she had suggested instead of insisting that she go to that party and enjoy herself. I wouldn't have let Yuri talk me into joining him and the other guardian staff for drinks. I would have never run into Stan. Questions would have never been asked. Accusations would have never been made. I would have never had a reason to doubt. I would have been in my right mind for when Tasha called.
It's funny how I can pin point exactly what went wrong, the smallest change could have meant a completely different outcome. I remembered that night with perfect clarity, it wasn't all bad. In fact, it was a very good night.
"Trust me I have every intention of enjoying myself, and I don't need a party for that." It had been early night for the Moroi, the sun was just beginning to peak over the tree tops. No one was around to witness our little tryst.
She had that smile on her face. It a was smile that told me that she wanted trouble, the good kind. I had laughed cupping her cheek in the palm of my hand.
"You are far too tempting for your own good." My voice was huskier than what was usual.
"You like it." She had whispered, stretching up on her toes bringing her face closer to mine. I met her half way, securing my arms around her waist and pulling her up to me.
Slowly I brought my mouth down to meet hers, enjoying the way her breathing hitched and her eyes fluttered close.
Every kiss with Rose was something different; every kiss had me falling deeper in love. She stole my breath away, she gave me reason to be better. Most days I felt like I was the student, she taught me how to forgive myself, she showed me that it was okay to hurt, but most importantly she showed me what it meant to really love, she was everything to me. And that's what this kiss was. It was love. It was us.
Our mouths moved together restlessly and she pressed closer into me, absorbing the groan I let out. My tongue sought out the part of her lips and she parted them in my wake. Tilting my head further, I deepened the kiss, her tongue desperately seeking out mine. I knew all too well where this kiss was headed. Reluctantly I pulled away, grazing my lips against hers once more, moving to kiss the corner of her lips before moving back entirely.
"Still want me to go to that party?" she taunted with a smile, still tightly pressed against me.
Resting my head against hers, I couldn't help but smile. "No."
She laughed triumphantly kissing my cheek. "But…"
"Ugh. No buts!" I smiled kissing her pout away.
"I think you should go to the party." I answered, moving so that my nose nuzzled the outer shell of her ear, "Not because I don't want to be elsewhere with you, believe me I do, but because I have duty in the morning and I rather have time to appreciate you fully one last time in our cabin before we leave." I finished, moving to press open mouthed kisses just behind her ear, not pulling back until I was positive that I had her convinced.
Her grip on me tightened, "Keep kissing me like that and we won't even make it to my room." She purred with a half-lidded expression.
"Rose…" I warned, secretly smiling. It was becoming increasingly harder not to smile when I was around her and was beginning to look suspicious.
"Fine, fine, fine." She huffed in mock annoyance pulling away from me. I immediately missed her warmth. "I'll go, but I am holding you to that promise."
The soft falls of footsteps alerted us that someone was coming. With a quick squeeze of my behind she sprinted away laughing over her shoulder at my stunned expression.
"Belikov! Just the man I was looking for!" Yuri's voice floated me out of my daze and I quickly shoved my hands in my pockets, discreetly adjusting myself.
That expression 'don't blink' is not far off mark. One night, one too many questions that I couldn't answer, one phone call; gone.
Adrian's righteous anger wasn't nearly enough to compensate for what I put her through.
"My intentions don't matter. Not anymore."
With one final look in my direction Eddie took his seat on the couch. I nodded in return, grateful.
"Seriously, what the hell is going on?" Christian asked again his gaze drifting from me to Tasha and finally to Lissa who simply shook her head.
Tasha on the other hand looked gob smacked. She looked to me with concerned blue eyes.
"Dimitri?" I shook my head trying to rid myself of the lingering memories.
"I'm fine." I said, feeling increasingly more unsettled the longer we stood there.
"But are you really?" Lissa's curious gaze slid over to me. She too was scared, scared for her friend. She didn't know what was going to happen any more than I did.
I didn't have time to respond and for that I was thankful, because seconds later Rose walked out of her room dressed for her run in a tank top and running shorts, ear buds planted firmly in her ears. She didn't spare a glance to anyone in the room as she headed for the door closing it behind her as she went.
Through the window I could see her at the edge of the driveway, her knees bent as she took off in a sprint speeding away from the house with her pony tail swaying behind her. I watched her disappear around the corner before I made my decision.
"Where are you going?" It was Christian who stopped me at the door. "I may not know what's going on here but I don't think that following her is a good idea."
Shaking my head, I stepped around him and opened the door. "I can't let her leave like this".
And with that I took off in a sprint after her. Mindless of what was going to happen when I caught her.
It wasn't long before I caught sight of her again.
I know she must have heard me coming or at the very least sensed my approach but to my surprise she did not speed up, instead she slowed her pace ever so slightly allowing me to catch up.
Gravity itself seemed to be pulling us closer together. Upon closer inspection I noticed that her ear buds were no longer in her ears, they were wrapped firmly around her wrist. It was by no chance that she had slowed, she knew I was here.
We ran that way for a while side by side, the sound of feet pounding the sidewalk was therapeutic. Neither of us spoke.
Things were so complicated between us right now; more so than ever before. Less than forty words had been spoken between us since our ten months apart, but in this moment, it was almost as if nothing had changed.
She led me around campus choosing to keep to the pedestrian side walk. We were only about half way through the grounds before she suddenly changed directions, I easily followed. I raised my eyebrows in surprise but said nothing.
Catching my gaze out of the corner of her eye she shrugged. "Thirty minutes tops." Was her only response, but I understood her reference to the promise she made to Lissa.
When her neighborhood came into sight, she slowed our pace to a slow jog before coming to a stop all together. Heavy breathing was all that could be heard from either one of us. Once we had, at least somewhat, caught our breath we started walking again.
Once again neither of said anything, content to just be in each other's presence once more; both of us just a little afraid of what would come next.
We walked a little way before she broke the silence. "What are you doing here, Dimitri?" She had turned her face up towards me letting her guard down. There was no trace of hostility just confusion. There was a mix of emotions there.
When I didn't answer she asked another question. "I thought that this was what you wanted?" She said gesturing to the space between herself and me.
The driveway was suddenly upon us. We stopped. Finally, I looked back down to her. So many thoughts were running through my head. There were so many things that I needed to tell her but there was only one thing I wanted her to know. But I couldn't.
"I never wanted this." I finally answered. At her confused look I continued. "I never wanted to hurt you like that, like this; there are a lot of things about those two days after graduation that you don't understand."
She sighed. "Well that couldn't be a more vague answer if you tried."
"I really am sorry." I meant it with all of my heart, but I knew sorry would never be enough.
"You've said that already." She deadpanned.
"I mean it; I never wanted to hurt you. It's the last thing that I wanted to happen. In fact, it was what I was trying to avoid when I left. I don't have words to explain how hard it was to leave. How much it hurt."
"Not nearly as much as it hurt to watch you walk away." Her voice wavered in her efforts to control her emotions.
"Rose…"
"I was getting better, you know. I was trying to move on, it was a slow process but I would have made it. Then you suddenly show up. How am I supposed to handle that? Dimitri, I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to hurt you either." She looked up to me helplessly. "I am not sure what is going to happen, but I honestly don't want to fight. Not anymore. What's done is done, we can act like adults about this, can't we? Whatever this is." Her expression hardened. "I refuse to let another thing be ruined by this. It nearly destroyed my friendships, it did a pretty damn good job with my life, but I refuse to let it destroy this trip."
"I didn't come here to hurt you or to intrude on your life. When I left I had intentions to stay away. I really did, life seems to have other plans. If you want me to leave I will. If you want me to go, I'll be gone. I only want you to be happy." I nearly dropped to my knees right then. I had to hope that this was for the best. Not only was this my second chance, it was my last.
I suddenly understood that what she was showing me earlier was only glimpses of what I had put her through because the look she gave me right then was so raw and full of pain that only someone who had truly loved could understand. I could understand.
"I never wanted that. I never will. You hurt me. But I don't want you to leave. I don't think I could handle that a second time. As sad as that is, I am not ashamed to admit it. With that being said, I am not going to waste energy trying to hate you anymore, but you are not forgiven. You did what you thought you had to, I know that. I want you to be happy too. I am just tired of hurting." Her anger seemed to deflate. She looked years above her age.
My heart broke all over again.
She looked back over to me, "Are you with me on this?"
"Always." Her eyes bore back into mine. She looked away after a moment, blinking rapidly.
"Let's be adults about this." She said again, turning to go back into the house. Her words stung, they brought me back to our last encounter in the gym.
"Rose?"
She looked over to me, her expression too guarded to read. "Yeah?"
"I know sorry will never be enough, but you should know that I will spend the rest of my life trying to prove it to you. I don't deserve forgiveness. I don't expect it because I can't even forgive myself. I messed up. I know that. I am not asking for you to forget everything. I am asking that you will give me a chance to explain myself; one day, maybe not today, or even tomorrow; just one day, whenever you are ready." It was a shot into the wind, but that was nothing new. Everything with me and Rose was something unknown.
Her expression stayed guarded, she wasn't going to let me in anytime soon but her eyes offered me a chance I didn't think I would ever get.
"Come on, Comrade. I think we've kept them waiting long enough." A small smile graced her lips.
My heart swelled at the sight a smile formed on my lips mirroring hers. "I'm right behind you, Roza."
A/N:
Once again Beta-ed by the ever wonderful snowgoose72! You totally rock!
And boom goes the dynamite! *happy dance* I did it! Well sort of… so this is technically the second half of chapter two, it was bit long so I decided to divide it in half. So this chapter is a tad shorter than the rest. Next chapter will be in Rose's point of view, and don't worry there won't be any more back tracking, save for the occasional flashback, which I know you guys love.
I wanted to say thank you for the response that I have been getting for this story, guys, that makes my day. I've worked so hard on this story, and truly do want it to be the best that it can be!
Writing Dimitri's point of view has made me a bit nervous, what do you guys think? To OOC? If so PLEASE tell me, that is one thing that I absolutely hate!
What has been your favorite line in the story so far?