Always

by Color My Soul Blue

"Because when your world comes crashing down you can't help but hold on to the one thing that once held it up right." She hadn't seen him for ten months, and when the stars didn't suddenly align she was pissed. This is an alternate ending to Shadow Kiss. Things ended a little differently after the battle in the caves at St. Vlad. Plans after graduation did not pan out as expected.

11. Breathe

Chapter 11

Rose

Not getting a reaction save for a slight tightening of the muscle in his jaw, I attempted to put my pettiness aside for the time being. He was annoyed, I could tell, not that he'd ever admit it. Fuming to myself, I realized I was annoyed that he was annoyed.

I honed in on the conversation instead, accepting the printout of the beach house rental as Eddie passed it to me. All eyes turned to me as I took my seat. Even with being the youngest in the group, I had been appointed the head guardian of our team in Pennsylvania by her majesty herself much to my complete and utter shock. She had given me the title with a casual wave of her hand before sending me off to pack for college. As far as farewells went, that had easily been the strangest I'd ever had. Darren and Eddie had been pretty gracious about it all, Darren in particular. His background as a guardian was easily the most diverse that I had ever known and he had to have at least 10 years of experience on me. He had been pulled from a mission squad, the only one in existence as far as I knew. Having been a part of a squad of guardians specially trained to fight strigoi as a group that had been created under Tatiana's reign, a test group of sorts, made Darren a pretty impressive replacement for Dimitri. It was all highly secretive and that was as much as I was likely to ever know of it. It would have been customary for me to lead our planning session, informal as this one was, but seeing as this trip had literally been planned around me, I gestured for Darren to take over. He would be the leading point for this trip.

Nodding in thanks, Darren wasted no time in launching into a description of the trip, taking a stack of papers divided into four sections from the folder on the counter and distributing them as he spoke.

We each took a moment to look through the information we'd been given which mostly consisted of the planned route, backup routes, the driving schedule, rental information, and background on the guardians who'd be joining us in Florida. Flipping to the last page, I set the file down in momentary disbelief before quickly snatching it back up to confirm what I had seen, Alberta Petrov. "I'll be damned," I murmured nothing short of astonished. Okay, sure, the guardian shortage wasn't great, but was the world really so small that Alberta would be joining us on the vacation that Dimitri and I were being reunited over?

Glancing back over the file for the third time, I realized that I recognized not one, but two, of the names on the printout. Two St. Vladimir guardians would be joining us it seemed, both Alberta Petrov and Randall Brandt were listed to cover for myself and Eddie. Randall had been hired on at the academy following the losses after the battle, he had also been the "moroi" that I had been tasked to drag through my graduation trials. The third guardian was Grant Novak who was a full-time court guardian that was assigned to the Queen's own excursion team.

As impressive as that information was, my mind was in a complete whirlwind and still entirely stuck on Alberta's name on my sheet. I let my eyes slide to Dimitri checking for a reaction to the names but was not surprised that he had taken it all in stride. Eddie, however, did not disappoint.

With his eyebrows nearly disappearing into his hairline he looked to me, "Guardian Petrov is going to cover for you? She's coming to the beach with us?" He mused, mildly perturbed and slack-jawed at the revelation.

I nodded mutely feeling equally dumbfounded. "Lissa isn't planning a reunion, is she?" I asked, horrified by the thought.

Eddie grinned, "I would say not, but the evidence is not in our favor." He answered, inclining his head in Dimitri's direction.

I saw Dimitri shake his head in amusement out of the corner of my eye. Catching my eye, his smile tightened but didn't disappear altogether. "I think you'll both find Guardian Petrov to be pretty decent company outside of school." He remarked sagely, sounding very much like he used to while at the academy.

Eddie tilted his head slightly considering, still working through the incomprehension that Alberta would be joining us, "I see what you are saying, but it's Guardian Petrov. On the beach." He insisted.

I snorted, glad that it was not just me who felt a little overwhelmed by these changes in events.

Exhaling loudly, Darren cleared his throat giving us a pointed look, "If you wouldn't mind…".

With two mocking salutes from myself and Eddie, we diligently flipped to the driving schedule.

It was just as I had assumed, Darren and Eddie had a rough schedule prepared for the drive. It was split into four-hour segments with each of us rotating as the driver. The goal was to make it there as quickly as possible to minimize stops that could potentially draw attention to such a large group of creatures of the night. We were taking an eight-passenger van that strongly resembled those used for nursing home outings, I grimaced. Traveling via van was decidedly unsexy, regardless of its convenience.

It would be a tight fit. Two guardians would be in the front two seats, and the other two would divide themselves between the second and third rows. The second and third rows occupants would be sitting shoulder to shoulder. A ten-passenger van was dismissed in favor of the smaller van's luggage space. I full-heartedly believed that had Lissa known to plan for Tasha and Dimitri that we would probably have forgone the luggage space in favor of a less tense 16-hour drive.

Seeing how Dimitri and I were the ones to get a full night's sleep the previous night, we were given the first shifts and would be each other's alternates. Which worked well for Darren and myself and our usual efforts to divide ourselves between Lissa. He had done a good job of thinking through all of the alternative situations.

With no one having complaints or suggestions we moved on. Next on the agenda was the beach house and room assignments which did not go nearly as smoothly. Lissa had booked the beach house of all beach houses and it definitely made up for the lack of sexiness that was the van. It was a two-story beachfront property with six bedrooms and three and a half baths total, not to mention a full kitchen, dining, living area, and a courtyard with a pool. Most of the bedrooms had two double beds and two of them had king beds with en suites. We would be a group of 12 total with the addition of the three surplus guardians joining us along with Mia. Dimitri, annoyingly noble as he was, insisted on taking the downstairs fold-out couch, contending that with the influx of people it would be better to group the four on-duty guardians into two rooms. Dimitri on the couch wasn't in and of a problem itself. Tasha not wanting Dimitri on the couch was the problem. At this point, the moroi had become raptly involved in the discussion.

For the first time since their arrival yesterday, Tasha indicated some inklings of ire towards me which was comical all things considered. Hadn't she been the one who had gotten what she wanted?

"I don't see why Dimitri should be on the couch, it's his vacation too," Tasha's proclamation boarded on accusation at worst and whining at best. Which would have been all fine and good if she hadn't directed the comment to me.

"He's the one that volunteered, talk to him about it." I snapped back, bewildered that I was suddenly having to defend myself. I was sure I could have sounded less defensive had I been prepared for the onslaught.

"It's not fair, if there's no room for us, we can find a place." She persisted, crossing her arms over her chest, still frowning at me.

I rolled my eyes at this, oh sure, only after she had barged her way into the trip, now they could figure out someplace else to stay. That was rich.

Regardless that Lissa would never allow it, before she could chime in, I couldn't stop myself from snarking back, "It's a six-room house, you could even share the couch if it means that much to you."

Narrowing her eyes ever so slightly, Tasha's lips quirked into a smile. "Are you sure that would make things easier for you, Rose?" She asked with a false sense of sincerity.

I narrowed my eyes in response. And just what was that supposed to mean?

"It's not a big deal, Aunt Tasha. Of course, you're going to stay with us, no one has to stay on the couch," Christian reasoned shooting me a dirty look and coming up alongside his aunt in an attempt to mitigate before I could manage a response. "I don't think anything is set in stone, right?" he questioned, raising his gaze to mine then Dimitri's.

"I am failing to see how where Dimitri sleeps is my problem." I insisted, not missing Tasha's incredulous snort or her muttered response.

"…Certainly wasn't the case last night."

"I know you aren't judging me for…" My comeback was abruptly cut short by Eddie's hand coming to rest on my shoulder, which was probably for the best. He didn't say anything only giving me a minute shake of his head. I took a deep breath swallowing the rest of my retort, seething silently. Even I hadn't been sure where I was going with that one. The look of astonishment on Tasha's face from earlier was suddenly making sense to me. She thought I was playing Dimitri and was coming to his defense. I couldn't help the sharp bark of laughter that burst from me at the absurdity. Tasha's face darkened in response and I could tell that she was preparing to tell me off. I readied myself, having envisioned this argument countless times over the past ten months.

Dimitri took the brief pause in the conversation to stand, all eyes flew to his towering frame. If I had thought that he'd been annoyed earlier, it was nothing in comparison to the look that currently darkened his expression. I cringed mentally. At one point in my life that look would have meant that I'd be running doubles then cleaning the gym.

"Natasha, would you see me in the hall. Please." The last request was ground out and didn't sound much like a request at all. Dimitri didn't even wait to see if he was being followed before he stalked from the room.

Tasha's piercing blue gaze lingered on me a moment longer before she too left the room. Her exit was followed by a soft click of a bedroom door closing.

"Rose are you at all capable of chilling out?" Christian shot back once Tasha had gone.

Outraged, I leaned forward throwing out my hands exclaiming, "She came at me entirely unprovoked!" How was I still having to defend myself? Was this Ozera gang up on Rose hour? Did I miss the memo?

Seeing that I was raring up again, Lissa was quick to insert herself into the conversation. "She was a little confrontational." Lissa conceded to me in support while rubbing her hand across Christian's back in an attempt to calm him.

He breathed out deeply, tilting his head in acknowledgment of her point. "Sure, she was a little defensive, but so were you, Rose!" He was quick to add, before continuing more gently still defending his aunt's behavior, "She was just worried about her friend."

Something about his words brought me up short effectively extinguishing my fuse. Her friend?

Lissa smiled at me encouragingly, liking that I had so quickly let the topic slide, "It is all fine, there is plenty of room. Let's see what we can do, Darren?"

Only then did the room seem to exhale collectively. We all exchanged looks of mild astonishment doing our best to redirect our attention back to our plans. We would need to be on the road within the hour to stay on schedule and I had absolutely no time to focus on love triangles or the lack thereof. What was I thinking? Did I want there to be a love triangle? Trying not to think too deeply on it, I found that I was relieved at Adrian's appearance.

"What did I miss?" He asked, seemingly no worse for our argument and coming to stand alongside Eddie and me at the countertop. The tension immediately evaporating as the group tittered in response to the bad timing of his question. What had happened indeed?

"The usual dramatic vampire bull-shit." I summarized, as a pseudo-answer.

"Please leave my great-aunt out of this, if you will. It is blasphemous to speak ill of the Queen." Adrian quipped, making us all laugh again.

Deciding at that moment to forgive him and let what had happened earlier go, I nudged my shoulder gently into his, letting him know that all was well. No one had been prepared for this situation, I couldn't hold him singularly responsible for letting his emotions run away with him. This was the Adrian that I knew, easy-going and likable. Adrian smiled back, pleased. He was like a puppy and impossible to discourage.

Meanwhile, Darren's lips pressed together in concentration as he began drawing several triangles on the back of one of the printouts. He did this a couple of times, making scribbles that I couldn't distinguish and scratching things out, and rewriting. Curious, I moved so that I could see over his shoulder.

"Absolutely not," I insisted, indicating to the triangle and scribbles he had just rendered. Casting me a dark look over his shoulder, Darren nevertheless crossed it out and moved to start a new triangle.

Lissa joined me then, looking over Darren's work agreeing through the bond that Dimitri and Adrian as roommates would be disastrous for everyone involved. I made a sound of indecision and Darren drew his shoulders up towards his ears, irritated. "Better." I soothed, as he substituted Eddie's name for his own hoping to not annoy him too much and end up having to create the room assignments myself. This went on for roughly 20 minutes until we had come up with something that would suit everyone. The results were that Christian and Lissa would share the master suite on the top floor and that I would take the second suite on the ground floor. I had initially protested this arrangement but it was quickly made clear to me that Lissa would not have it any other way and had chosen this particular house because of the two suites. Giving in, I couldn't help but feel a little excited. I was finally beginning to feel genuine enthusiasm towards our trip, a room with a beach view and pool access definitely helped to brighten my perspective.

As for the others, we ended up allowing for one room for the on-duty guardians seeing as how all three would never be in the room at the same time given the schedule, but we would bring the air mattress just in case. Dimitri was graciously saved from sleeping on the couch with Eddie being his roommate. Leaving Darren to room with Adrian, and rooming Tasha and Mia together. Mia would be thrilled considering that her sole purpose for joining us was to meet with Tasha.

"And no one has to sleep on the couch," I said, smiling winningly at Christian, "Unless Lissa finally wises up and kicks your ass out."

Darren, rolling his eyes, concluded the meeting and gathered the contents of the folder back together. "I'm going to make a phone call to Guardian Petrov and let her know that we are loading up. Meet at the van in 10."

"Should I go get them?" Eddie hesitated, gesturing over his shoulder in the general direction of the hall. Neither of us wanted to be the one to interrupt what was probably a personal conversation.

I shrugged in response, finding that I rather not think about it. If Dimitri was going to overlook what had transpired earlier, so would I. We were friends, I reminded myself steadily trying to ignore the pang of jealousy I felt.

Christian exchanged a look with Lissa and she nodded. "I'll do it." He volunteered already moving away and towards the hall.

Dimitri

My back was to the door as she entered, closing it softly behind her. "Why?" I questioned speaking into the silence of the room, exasperated, rubbing my hand across the stubble that coated my chin, not bothering to turn around - too afraid that my anger wasn't quite under my control just yet.

"I … I think there might be something going on between Darren and Rose." She answered, more meekly than I had expected.

"And so, what?" I demanded, spinning around to face her in my anger, her words in no way justifying her childish behavior, "She and Ivashkov were in bed together less than 15 minutes ago, but I'm not the one harassing Rose over where I'll sleep!" I ranted, incensed with the way she had behaved. It was none of our business what Rose did and with who. I had to remain resolute in that. It was the only way that I would be able to see myself through these next two weeks with some semblance of my sanity left intact. If I didn't allow myself to think about it, I couldn't be jealous. If I wasn't jealous, I could at least pretend that I was a good friend.

Tasha took a step back, startled by my vehemence.

I inhaled deeply through my nose trying to reign in the emotions clouding my judgment. While I was annoyed with Tasha, I had to acknowledge that my anger was being fueled more by my senseless jealousy and the impatience I felt with myself. For someone who had trained in self-discipline since late childhood, I was certainly flirting with the limits of my self-control. I was amazed to find that I had seemingly forgotten how primitive my reactions were around all things Rose. I gritted my teeth, frustrated with myself.

"Am I supposed to just watch her lead you on?" She demanded back, snapping out of her shock and meeting my anger with her own.

"That's not something that you get to decide, Tasha, you brought us here." I reminded her. Struggling mightily to control my rising tone.

"Don't you think I know that!" She cried back.

I sat down abruptly on the settee at the foot of Lissa and Christian's bed, looking away from her as I wrestled my emotions back under my control. Their room had been the only open door down the hall and I had chosen it without thought.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't fair of me." I breathed out, "But you have to admit how utterly childish that was," I continued, looking to her, trying again, feeling a semblance of my former control return to me.

Tasha remained standing, crossing her arms over her chest, wary of my changing moods. "I can admit that I may have reacted a little rashly, I just don't want to see you get hurt."

I sighed loudly, folding my hands beneath my chin as I took a moment to consider her. "Tasha, you're just going to have to trust my judgment with this one. If I get hurt, I get hurt." I explained simply, knowing the truth. We were in this position because I had hurt Rose and if I got myself hurt it was only the consequences of my actions catching up to me.

"After last night… I don't know. I guess I had assumed that you two had reached some sort of understanding?" Tasha said, turning her observation into a question.

"We had- we still do," I answered, rubbing my brow not appreciating airing out my private affairs or feeling like I had the energy to sort of the mess of emotions concerning our reunion. "Rose and I are just starting to come to terms with being thrown together like this. It's a lot to process. For both of us." I admitted after some length.

"She was with Adrian?" Tasha whispered horrified, beginning to process what I had all but snarled earlier, "What do you mean?"

Shaking my head in annoyance, regretting that I had said anything about it at all and not wanting to think about it. "It doesn't matter, it's none of our business." I insisted.

"How could it not matter, Dimka?" Tasha insisted back, coming to sit next to me. I pushed over, making room.

"It's not fair to get upset with Rose for how she acts in her own home. Tasha, I made the choices that put us in this situation." I reminded her, not quite meeting her eye.

Abashed, Tasha looked away for a moment, knowing that she had been out of line. "You keep saying that, but we both know that you didn't have a choice. You can't keep blaming yourself like this..." She trailed off quietly, knowing that I would not welcome this conversation.

I gave a humorless chuckle. It was so easy for her to think that without knowing the details. "Tasha, the Queen wanted Rose. Not me." I answered before I could decide better of it. It was this singular thought that had weighed on me for the past year…

"Rose? I thought you said…" She questioned, confused, trying to piece together what I had revealed with the information she had learned when I had first come to work for her.

I groaned, pushing up from where I sat, too agitated to sit. "I know what I said," I answered curtly cutting her off, beginning to pace.

There were so many things, so many details, that I hadn't let myself think about for so long. It hadn't mattered, the details themselves were irrelevant in face of the decisions that had been made, but they would matter to Rose. It would matter to her because not only had I decided for her, I hadn't chosen her. I wasn't sure if she would ever understand. The memories began to run together in my mind.

I cleared my throat, "Things got a little confusing after graduation. There was talk…" I trailed off remembering. "They were just rumors, but I couldn't risk Rose finding out before I knew the truth…"

"Dimitri, slow down, you're not making sense." Tasha rose then, coming to stand before me.

Moving to lean against the wall, needing the space, I thought for a long moment, digging my hands into the pockets of my jeans to keep from fidgeting. "Tasha, Rose doesn't know any of it." I finally admitted. "She doesn't know that I left under the Queen's directive. She has no idea that Tatiana wanted her. She thinks…" I hesitated here, looking to her now fully knowing how shameful it was going to be to admit this, "Rose thinks I left to be with you."

Tasha blanched slightly, several emotions flitting across her face before she settled on surprise, "For me? That's ridiculous!" She sputtered, but I could see the light flush that formed in her cheeks as she considered it. I could tell that she got it, that she could see why that excuse would have made sense to Rose. How it had allowed for as clean of a break as I could have offered her at the time.

Sitting back down, Tasha continued to mull over the latest revelation. Starting to put the pieces together. "No wonder it seems like she hates me." She stated, staring blankly at the floor, not quite over her shock.

"She doesn't hate you," I responded immediately, attempting to appease her without thought.

Giving me a dry look, she deadpanned, "You're right. Rose only thinks that seduced you away from her."

I cringed slightly, regretting my hasty words. It wasn't a good look for her and I should have told her before we had arrived, and I probably would have had I had the time to process what was to come. "I should have told you. I am sorry." I admitted, knowing that the apology was too late to count.

Tasha snorted, her humor making a momentary appearance. "Yes. You should have. Now. Explain," She demanded softly, her tone and her eyes gentling as she looked to me.

"After the battle, Rose had a hard time…" I admitted, hedging around the details of Rose's struggle. Not wanting to betray her trust, but knowing that I owed Tasha some sort of explanation. "When I learned what the Queen had planned…" I looked to Tasha, silently begging for understanding. "I couldn't let that happen. Not after everything that she had been through. Not after what she had risked for me. She had fought too hard just to have it all ripped from her …"

"And when I called?" Tasha prompted, completely bewildered.

"The timing couldn't have been more perfect…" I shrugged my shoulders remembering.

I felt numb to my core as my phone buzzed in my palm, a reaction to the text I had just sent, no doubt.

'Natasha, if your offer still stands, I would like to accept. There are a couple of contingencies, I'll be in touch soon. - D'

I let the buzzing device skidder to the floor unable to process what had just been set into motion. The world reeled on its axis, and I dropped weightlessly into the chair dropping my head into my hands in complete disbelief of what had happened. What had I done? I struggled to breathe for a moment, gasping as an unfathomable reality began to sink down around me. I was thankful for the moment of privacy; having been left alone in the throne room after her majesty's exit. I forced myself to stand then, straightening my shoulders and wiping my stinging eyes, I couldn't let myself grieve just yet. I knew that if I did, I would never be able to do what had to be done next.

I walked out in a daze, pulling my phone to my ear. "Tasha," I answered, clearing my throat of the thickness that threatened to choke me…

I wouldn't be able to repeat a word of that conversation with Tasha or how I had gotten on the plane that would be taking me back to Rose if pressed. I was in a fog and couldn't allow myself to think. I had a job to do and I couldn't risk not going through with what I had already set into motion. The memory of Yuri and Stan's voices buzzed in my ear continuously, "Hathaway won't be much of a problem for you much longer, Belikov." Stan had grunted conversationally, as he shuffled the cards to deal me into the impromptu poker game. Yuri had insisted that I come to celebrate with the other off-duty guardians. A small poker game had been organized in the guardian dorm lounge and beer had even been brought out to commemorate the occasion. It wasn't unheard of for off-duty guardians to gather for a drink, it just didn't happen frequently, but the night of graduation two months following the battle certainly felt like a commendable occasion.

I accepted the dark beer Yuri passed to me, taking a sip to hide the irritation that had stirred within me at Stan's words. "Is that so?" I asked, raising an ironic brow. Everyone at the table knew well that both Rose and myself were set to be Lissa's guardians. Little did they know that the plan was for me to resign at court and petition to be Christian's guardian. Rose and I had felt very pleased with ourselves having finally worked out how we'd manage a relationship alongside our jobs.

"Word has it that the Queen is recruiting her." He answered, not bothering to look up as he dealt the cards around the table. My hand tightened involuntarily around my cards. Not letting on to my surprise, I made an indistinctive sound of interest. My eyes darting quickly to assess Stan's expression hoping to glean some indication that this was more than idle gossip.

Lionel let out a low whistle at the news. "That's pretty impressive, not that I'm surprised with Hathaway's track record."

My mind whirled as I tried to calmly sort the new information. Stan was a creditable source of rumors regarding the Queen. He had served as part of her guard before coming to work at the academy. He still had multiple connections at court. Still, it didn't make the information infallible.

I swallowed another sip of beer, as I folded placing my cards face down not bothering to notice what they were, giving myself an excuse to think.

Alan scoffed, looking at his hand and folding as well. "Mighty quiet on the subject, Belikov." He teased, smiling as he looked at me. "Is it jealousy or relief that has you tongue-tied?"

I attempted a smile in return, wondering if it looked as thin as it felt. "Shocked, I think," I answered honestly.

"Two," Yuri said, holding up two fingers and reaching for the cards as Stan dealt them to him, "Nah, I think he's going to miss having something pretty to look at myself." Yuri quipped, waggling his eyebrow suggestively much to the group's amusement.

Emil grunted a surprised laugh, sputtering as he sipped his beer. "Hathaway is not one to be tamed. She'll be good for whatever the queen has planned." The group laughed again and it took all of my restraint to remain seated. The thought of cracking Yuri's jaw flew briefly through my mind. They were only teasing me, I knew they were nothing close to suspecting Rose and me, but still, it rankled me that they could so casually talk about her in a way the bordered on crass.

"Leave the man alone would you. They've been through a lot together." Stan warned sternly, coming to my defense much to my surprise. I nodded to him in thanks.

"What does the Queen want her for?" I finally asked, deciding that it wouldn't seem odd and that I had a hold on my emotions enough not to sound anything other than curious. I refused to panic, not just yet, I would wait and see what Stan had to say before acting. Neither Rose nor I could afford any rash reactions. So much was on the line for both of us with freedom being so near.

Stan cast his eyes around the group as if trying to decide if he could speak openly, before standing and gesturing that I should do the same, "I fold, Emil, deal the next hand, I need to speak to Belikov for a moment."

Stan had wasted no time as we stepped out into the warm Montana morning. "I have it on good authority that Tatiana wants Rose for the mission squad, Belikov. And want is putting it mildly. She's hell-bent after what happened after here with the attack. The royals are going out of their mind, there are all kinds of talk, they are already talking about graduating the novices at 16 again and the Queen has it in her head to satisfy them by activating the missions in Russia. After the stunt that Hathaway pulled in the caves," He paused eyeing me, making it clear which 'stunt' he was referring to, "The Queen wants to use Rose as some poster child for guardians who willingly jump into the thick of things..."

What followed next were a series of events so specific that only fate could have laid them out. I had had to act quickly. It had only been the second reference to the elusive guardian mission squad that I had ever heard of, before that moment I hadn't given the rumor much credit, and if Stan had been wrong, well, no one would be any worse for it. But, if he were right, if I could intervene on her behalf it would have to be done before Rose got to court. Once that ball began to roll, there'd be nothing I could do to stop it. I had three days. Each detail of those ensuing two days had a role to play in how this past year had played out. Stan had read my concern easily which probably should have bothered me more, had I had the thought to care, but from there he had been able to put me in touch with Guardian Hans Croft who got me in touch with Priscilla Voda's guardians who in turn had gotten me a seating with the Queen. I was on a plane by moroi dawn and in the Queen's throne room by noon. The whirlwind of events was hazy, but the sick feeling in my stomach then was as distinctive as it was at this moment. My world had crumbled around me over the course of 48 hours.

"When you had called the night of graduation, I had just left Rose, I was going meet Yuri for a card game… it had been easy to say no. I couldn't imagine it, but I hadn't known then that the Queen was going to recruit Rose for the mission squad. Tasha, I couldn't let that happen. Not so soon after the battle…" I trailed off silently pleading for understanding.

"And me? Was it before or after you met with Tatiana that you sent me that text?" Tasha asked, still staring blankly away from me, attempting to process the information.

I rested my chin on my chest, momentarily, the guilt of my next admission stirring deep within me. All the same, I couldn't deny that I would do it all over again if it meant protecting Rose.

"After," I admitted with a sigh, "I used you as an excuse for why Tatiana shouldn't take Rose from Lissa. I lied, I told her that I had already accepted a new offer. When she found out it was you," I finished with a shrug knowing that she knew the rest. Joining forces with Tasha had been what had ultimately sold my proposition to the Queen. I had been prepared to explain everything to Tasha from the start, but when I had explained the Queen's 'contingencies' to her, she had been nothing short of thrilled and it had never seemed important after that. I had made the decisions and I would have to live with them, I hadn't seen the sense of telling her not when she had been so pleased with the outcome of my arrangement. So, Tasha had accompanied me to Russia at Tatiana's bequest where our world tour had ended with my mission assignment. Before that, we had spent the previous eight months traveling to destinations of the Queen's decision teaching small, preselected, groups of moroi defense- both physical and elemental. It would seem that I had fit quite perfectly into the fold of the Queen's plan.

"Dimka, you have to tell her." Tasha finally spoke, after a long moment of silence had gone by.

"I know," I answered tiredly, squeezing the bridge of my nose, "I've tried, but she doesn't want to hear it. I will when, if, she's ready." Knowing that that time may never come and I would have to find a way to accept it.

Giving me a hard look from where she sat, she continued, "This makes us even, by the way, the stunt I pulled with Abe to get us here. You using me in your plot to save Rose makes us even."

Closing my eyes in response, I sighed heavily bringing myself to my full height. She was right. "Deal," I said evenly, returning her look.

It was then that we were interrupted by a knock at the door and Christian's dark head peaking hesitatingly from behind it.

"Everything alright?" He questioned glancing between myself and Tasha, before coming to step more fully into the room.

Tasha stood, coming to stand next to her nephew and ruffled his hair fondly. "Everything is good here." She confirmed with a smile, "We were just finishing up, right?" she asked, looking to me for confirmation that I was okay.

I nodded, offering them both a small grin.

"Well Darren is ready to hit the road, and I think Rose has already secured the keys," Christian smirked, looking to me knowingly. "I think she has secured the first shift for herself, and you should be warned I saw her grab her aux cord."

I laughed softly, thankful for his attempts to ease the tension he no doubts felt as he entered the room.

"We should go, I have a feeling that Adrian is going to be a pain about sitting in the back, hopefully, Eddie has already shoved him back there," He went on, already making his way down the hall.

I made to follow only for Tasha to step in front of me blocking the doorway, halting my exit. "I was out of line, and I am sorry. I'll apologize to Rose." She said quietly, resting her hand on my forearm stalling me further, "But, Dimka, you should be happy. If that is with Rose. Fine. But please stop beating yourself up, you are the kindest noblest person I've ever met, and if Rose is who you say she is, she'll know that too." She left me with a brief hug, hurrying to catch up with Christian, leaving me stunned for a moment.

I breathed deeply for a moment. Taking a moment to reset, knowing that we were hurtling towards a point of unexplored territory where both Rose and I would be together in an environment where neither of us would be on active duty. The possibilities were endless and it was a notion that both thrilled and terrified me.

I smiled softly as Tasha clambered into the van, she had very graciously offered to sit in the back with Adrian so that Christian and Lissa could sit together. True to Christian's prediction, Adrian was grumbling next to Eddie in the back corner of the third row as Tasha quietly slid in on Eddie's opposite side. It was a comical sight to witness as Darren climbed in after both Christian and Lissa had settled into the second row, his bulk impeding in on Lissa's space, not that she seemed to mind, only smiling and scooting slightly further towards Christian. The van dipped slightly with his added weight.

"Geez, D," Rose commented around a smile, glancing into the review mirror and laughing outright at the sight of her friends all crammed together, "Maybe you should lay off the protein shakes?" she teased. Laughing harder as Darren, Christian, and Adrian all simultaneously flipped her the bird.

"Just drive, Rose," Christian grumbled.

Rolling her eyes, Rose took her time in getting herself set up for the drive. Adjusting her seat and mirrors before she hooked her phone to the aux cord and passed it to Lissa to control the playlist.

"I hope no one has to pee," she commented, buckling her seat belt and putting the van into drive all in the same fluid movement.

"Comrade?" Rose asked, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye as she pulled onto the main highway that would lead us to the interstate, it was the first time that she had acknowledged me since getting into the van, a small thrill moving through me at the familiarity of the nickname. With our shoulders barely a breadth width apart, I couldn't help the smile that crept onto my lips,

"Yes, Rose?" I answered, giving her my full attention.

"Uh," She hesitated, seeming to become momentarily distracted, before returning her gaze to the road, "I think you'll find the GPS under your seat. Mind getting us set up?"

Dutifully playing my role as navigator I got the GPS going and helped Rose navigate us to the correct interstate and lane.

The further we got from Penn. State the more excitement seemed to spread through the atmosphere in the van, sing-a-longs breaking out in between bouts of ruckus laughter. About two hours into the trip, we made a pit stop for gas and bought burgers from a nondescript food truck. We ate on the road and played a round of the alphabet game before slowly but surely, one by one, the occupants of the van dropped into sleep or became engrossed with their phones. Darren and Eddie especially took advantage of the time to sleep before their eight-hour stint came.

"You should try to get some sleep," Rose commented into the quiet of the dark van, glancing into her rearview. I glanced back seeing what she was seeing, Darren's head rested against the window, his arms crossed over his chest and mouth slightly agape as he breathed evenly in his sleep. Lissa's head rested against a pillow she had propped against Christian's shoulder as he watched something on his phone, totally engrossed. Tasha had shared her neck pillow with Eddie seeing as how he was trapped between her and Adrian. She raised her head briefly when she noticed me glance back before quickly winking and resting her head back against the window, either feigning sleep or waiting for it to take her. Adrian was out cold, his head resting against Eddie's shoulder who had also managed to doze off.

"And miss out on the first moment of quiet I've had in two days?" I joked quietly.

Snorting softly in return she nodded her head understandingly, "Yeah, they don't come by frequently with a group like this." She agreed, smiling slightly.

The next two hours passed by in companionable silence and I was surprised to find that I had managed to doze off, the miles of interstate driving having lulled me into sleep only waking as Rose gently rubbed my shoulder after she had pulled up to a pump at another gas station.

With the rest of the van still asleep we both climbed out quietly, stretching our limbs as Rose began to fill the tank.

"Coffee." I decided aloud in a single syllable, stretching my arms over my head, not missing how Rose's eyes lingered momentarily on the exposed piece of mid-drift revealed with my stretch. I smiled slightly, meeting her gaze and loving the flush that rose to her cheeks. "Want anything?" I asked, not having intended the double meaning that was in my voice.

Her gaze met mine in a moment of clarity and I knew we were both thinking the same thing. My breath caught slightly and her cheeks reddened further. "Mm, surprise me," Rose muttered distractedly, before busying herself with the gas pump.

I shifted slightly breathing deeply before nodding and moving away before I did something entirely stupid.

Making quick work of a bathroom break, I returned to the van to relieve her from driving duties.

Back in the van, I sipped my coffee, relishing in the bitter and life-giving aroma as Rose browsed the contents of the bag I had given her which consisted of a bottled coke and a row of starburst along with a bag of sour cream and onion chips. Her smiled broadening as she looked at me in surprise. "You remembered?"

I scoffed softly at the implication that I could ever forget anything about her, "You are not the forgettable sort, Rose Hathaway." I told her quietly returning her smile, mindful of the van's sleeping occupants.

Rolling her eyes slightly, Rose thanked me. I was satisfied, knowing that she was pleased.

I took a few moments more to enjoy my coffee and our re-emerging comradery before adjusting the mirrors and seat to suit my height.

Checking to see that everyone was indeed still sleeping, "You ready?" I asked Rose as she buckled herself in, drawing her legs beneath herself as she quietly pried her bag of chips open.

Rose

"Not quite," I answered, having gotten myself and my snacks sorted. "Phone," I stated, holding out my hand palm up looking to him without blinking.

Confusion evident, Dimitri nonetheless dug his phone from his pocket to relinquish it to me.

"Password, please," I stated, continuing my very abrupt direction giving before he could place the device in my hand. A smile edged at the corner of my mouth as his eyebrows dipped in confusion. Still, he entered in his password and passed his phone to me without comment. Looking to see what I'd do next or waiting for further instructions, Dimitri looked at me expectantly arching his eyebrow. I smiled fully then, laughing, "Driver gets to play their music. It's the rules of the road." I explained with wisdom.

Dimitri still didn't look certain. I sighed, "I am following the rule, but no way am I leaving the next four hours of nonstop traveling up to the fate of the radio." I explained, "Especially, with your taste in music." I added as an afterthought, teasingly.

Dimitri snorted, his lips turning up ever so slightly in a reluctant grin before putting the car into drive releasing his foot from the break and pulling from the parking lot.

I quickly found his music apps and selected the station that would play songs similar to his most liked and settled myself in for the twang of country music and electric piano sounds of the 80s.

Everyone else was still snoozing in their seats, unaware. I felt the familiarity of the situation wrap around me as I settled back into my seat. Except for the passenger van filled with our closest friends, this wasn't so different from Dimitri and I's first road trip together. I smiled remembering our first outing from the academy together and us bickering over music tastes. I had hoped that we'd get snowed in then. There was no hint of cold weather now. The further we got from Pennsylvania, the higher the temperature climbed. Spring was in full force around us. The sexual tension between him and myself was the same too, I mused thinking back to our quick exchange at the gas station feeling myself flush even at the memory. If neither of us managed to spontaneously combust from the intensity before the trip was over, it would be a miracle.

My thoughts drifted as I watched the road and scenery rush past us, we were making good time during the night which was good. I knew once the others were up the stops would become more frequent, but at least it would be daylight and the danger of strigoi attacks would be lessened.

We had been on the road for about an hour before he spoke breaking me from my ambling thoughts. "About earlier…" I glanced at him, his eyes were entirely focused on the road, but he spared me the occasional glance.

I had to wonder which event from earlier he was talking about. Adrian taunting him after catching us in bed together, my entirely innocent exchange with Darren in the hall, or Tasha's episode and his subsequent storming out…

"Which one?" I asked, deciding to meet the conversation head-on while we could talk in relative privacy.

Chuckling humorlessly, he glanced briefly to me flashing me a small grin attempting to lighten the weight of the topic. "I guess it doesn't matter which. I just wanted to say it's none of my business, and apologize if I made you uncomfortable. I was caught off guard." He explained, keeping his eyes firmly on the road now.

I kept silent, trying to decide the best way to explain to him that Adrian was a jealous prick and that we weren't together and that the thought of myself with Darren was laughable, but no words would come. I very much wanted him to know that I wasn't involved with anyone romantically, but at the same time, I knew there would be implications that I was not ready to face if I admitted to him that I was single.

"It's okay, you don't need to say anything. You don't owe me an explanation. I just don't want things to become awkward between you and I." He hurried to add mistaking my hesitation for silence, which was very unlike him. Dimitri was always cool calm and collected. He didn't get uncomfortable and certainly didn't rush to fill silences.

He was just as off-kilter as I was, I realized and I couldn't help but smile softly, thankful that I wasn't experiencing it all alone.

"You didn't do anything wrong," I assured him, and it was true, he hadn't done or even said anything in the wake of it all. I had been acting jealously too, after all, it wasn't only him.

He scoffed derisively, "Rose, we both know that no words at all go a long way between us,"

I smile again, knowing it was true. The entirety of the first part of our relationship was had through stolen glances and long silences.

He smiled briefly too, before becoming serious once more, "And Tasha was out of line," He spoke more quietly now, continuing the line of conversation. "It was inexcusable, and she'll probably try to apologize for it at some point."

I sighed, surprising even myself with my response, "I can understand where she was coming from," I admitted softly, "I probably would've acted similar had our situations been reversed," I considered frowning and looking away from him then, not liking that it was true and that I had something in common with the woman who had won him over in the end.

The van suddenly dipping from the road and coming to a slow stop on the shoulder, however, brought my eyes back to him abruptly. I looked around us surprised, checking if there was any approaching danger that I hadn't sensed.

With a quick look to the back seats, checking to ensure that our passengers were still asleep, Dimitri wasted no time in reaching out for my arm where it had been resting between us on the center console, placing his hand on my forearm in an unnecessary attempt to secure my undivided attention.

His long fingers lightly caressed the crook of my elbow and the warmth of his palm radiated through me with the familiar snap of electricity following closely behind it. Our eyes snapped together, both of us sharing in the intensity of the connection.

"Rose," Dimitri spoke, his deep voice quiet and eyes gentling as he continued to hold my gaze, "Tasha and I are not together, it's not like that. The way she behaved was wrong." He said enunciating each word very clearly, making sure that I understood, before removing his hand and smoothly guiding the van back on the interstate, easing himself effortlessly into the traffic of cars.

I swallowed thickly, having yet to look away, too stunned to react beyond staring.

"Breathe, Rose," He reminded me without glancing back, and I could nearly hear the smile he had on his face.

A/n: Congratulations! You have officially made it through the longest chapter that I have ever written. It is literally twice as long as chapter 5, my shortest chapter. Please make sure to pace yourself and take small sips of water. Also, feel free to give me a round of applause for FINALLY managing to get them on the road and then some! The time for Dimitri in a speedo is nigh.

Some of you have pointed out my attention to detail, and I can admit that I am just a detail ordinated person by nature. These chapters go through several edits before I am satisfied that the description and dialogue are as natural as I can manage. I would also like to point out that this story has come in and out of hiatus over a ten-year period. I started this story when I was in 11th grade *cringe* and my writing style has naturally matured along the way, and about a year ago I started an overhaul of my old, forgotten, fanfics. I had to go back and do some pretty significant restoration and clean up with the older chapters (1-5) which resulted in a much more drawn-out "first day".

I would love to know how you all are feeling, I often go back and read your reviews when I am in a writing rut. Tell me what you think, did the Dimitri P.O.V. come across naturally? It's been a while since I have attempted it. How are you feeling about the partial back story of Dimitri leaving? Interesting? Super lame? Wasn't worth the wait? Thoughts?

Anyway, thank you to those of you who show your love and support be it reviews, favorites, or follows. It means so much to me. I always love to see what y'all have to say and appreciate all forms of criticism, conversation, and feedback! See you all for Chapter 12!

-Blue