Back to the Light
Chapter Three
Xander was getting a headache. "How long we been down here?" He asked Willow.
His long time best friend looked up from the massive book she was trying to read. "Hours, feels like days." She admitted then frowned. "Can't have been!" She almost shouted.
"Huh?"
Buffy, or what was still doing a terrible job of pretending it was Buffy, came over. "Will here whipped up a spell to talk telepathically with Tara and Giles outside while you distracted me back in the shop" She explained. "What they didn't realise was I could still hear them. Lucky me!"
"So why didn't they include me?" Xander asked, a little disappointed.
"Well, they were trying to keep it secret and they didn't have a chance to talk with you." The so-called Buffy explained. "Also we all know what you're like with magic. Including you would probably backfire on all of us."
"Hey!" He protested. She gave him a look, telling Xander she remembered the many times exactly that had happened. "Okay I see your point. Can, you know, not do that?"
"Do what?"
"Use my friend's memories against me."
The so-called Buffy looked hurt for a second before shaking their head. "I am so kicking the butt of whoever set this all up."
"So how long have we been here?" He asked
"An hour." Willow said.
"No way!" Xander exclaimed. "It took that long to climb down!"
The so-called Buffy shrugged. "Time and space don't work the way they should in here"
"This to do with the mother of all black holes downstairs?" Willow asked.
"I think so, it's more than that though." They said, obviously thinking hard. Their accent becoming more British. "Honestly I don't think I can explain it and I'm not entirely sure it makes sense if I try." The so-called Buffy nodded to herself. "There are some things that don't work the way people think they do. Or think they should. Making any progress with these" she looked pointedly at the books.
"You trying to change the subject?" Willow challenged.
"No, I just cannot be bothered anymore. I could explain in exquisite detail quantum mechanics, the interaction of time and perception. Just as I could prove a hundred times it's me. Neither of you understand so I'd just be wasting air. What have you found?"
To Xander she sounded more tired than angry. "Not much." He told her, heading off an argument from Willow. "We can read this, but it doesn't make much sense."
"It's written all in metaphor and symbolism. With a heavy dose of bad poetry." Willow explained. "It's all Eyes, songs of something or other, repetition, harmonies, timeless recursion and other riddles."
"Plus we don't know what exactly we're looking for. We found an index, but there was nothing in that about possession or taking over bodies." Xander pointed at the book still on its pedestal. "Nothing we could find."
"There should have been something." They insisted.
"There was something about changing and chameleons, but it didn't make any sense." Willow picked up another book. "Here. What do you think it says?"
So-Called Buffy took the book and flicked through it. "You're right. That doesn't make sense. Unless…" They trailed off. "No. But also yes."
Xander watched as a slow expression of shock changed into one of grim determination. He'd seen many sides of his friend, but this was close to the same look Buffy had when going after Angelus.
Determined, even knowing it was going to be the most painful thing she'd ever done.
"That makes sense, but I need to check a couple of things first." They said grimly. "Time to go back to the Shop."
Willow glanced at the hatch in the floor. "Does that mean…?"
The thing that was Buffy looked up from the book. "Hum? No, I fixed that." She pointed at the far wall. "Out there there's a staircase. Takes you up to a door that gets us back to the control room." There, where the hadn't been anything before, was a door.
As she spoke she looked back down at the book, her face becoming even more grim. "You alright?" Xander asked.
"Just rearranging things. I'll be good." They looked up and smiled again. It was brittle, almost forced. Xander could tell. Snapping the book shut they headed for the new door.
Getting back out of the Box was a lot easier that getting down there. Xander was fairly sure it wasn't as long either, but he wasn't going to question it. There were a lot of things going on he didn't understand and for the first time he was glad. A glance to Willow showed she was trying to keep up with it all and it wasn't helping.
Eventually, finally, they stepped out and back into the Magic Box and Xander could breathe a little easier. So-called Buffy on the other hand looked more hurt than anything else.
"Giles." Xander tilted his head once they had put the research they brought with them down. It was his turn to have another quiet talk.
"Xander. I'm sorry we couldn't tell you of Willow's plan. It involved a certain amount of stealth."
"She still heard you Giles." Xander pointed out.
"Yes, we noticed that. At least we learnt that, Buffy or not, she is significantly psychic.
"Think she can read our minds like that time the demon thing infected her?"
"No, there are many different levels and no two psychics are the same." Giles took off his glasses. "That said guard your thoughts. I will tell Willow to do the same."
"Can't you just?" Xander left it hanging.
"Willow dismissed the spell. And yes I will be watching her carefully. She did not wish to include me at first either."
Xander sighed. "We're worried about Buffy, but Will is throwing out all sorts of red flags."
"She has been for a while." Giles admitted. "We are only just noticing them now because of what the creature pointed out. We may be blowing it out of proportion. A subtle suggestion or two can be very powerful."
"What if it is Buffy?" Xander suggested, not likening the idea. "Just what if it was? What is she supposed to do? Suddenly changed into whatever, having all this stuff dumped in her head?"
Giles looked at him for a long second. "Do not be deceived. That said, should it be true, she will understand our caution. Willow's hostility not withstanding."
"You boys finished?" They were called over by Anya.
Giles put his glasses back on. "Yes, for now." He explained and soon they were all around the table. "So Willow filled us in as much as she could, but there were some things we couldn't understand. What have you found that meant you came back with such urgency?
Possibly Buffy looked into the distance, like she was thinking about something a million miles away. "I'm piecing things together. Things I wasn't sure about before, hints here and there." Her attention snapped back to the table. "Giles, Watchers try to contact and train Slayers while they're still potentials right? Like Kendra. She knew about Vampires and stuff long before she was Called."
Giles frowned, Xander was also confused, but let the former Watcher answer. "Yes. It is somewhat tricky in some cultures, but someone should have been in contact, yes."
"They weren't. Not with me. First I heard was after I was Called and Merick found me. I had no idea about Vampires until I was suddenly supposed to stake them."
"What are you saying?" Giles asked.
"That you were never the Slayer?" Xander followed up.
"Oh I was, and still am. I think it's more complicated than that. Giles, how do the Watchers know? Before, I mean. Signs? Symbols?"
"Usually." Giles said guardedly. "When a Potential is born there are specialists that watch for them. I'm surprised none were seen with Buffy's birth."
The possessed Buffy turned away, looking at the Box with such intensity that Xander could almost feel it. "Oh there were signs alright. I'll bet they were screaming, but The Watchers were looking in the wrong place, as usual."
"What does it mean?" Willow asked. "Memories locked, cloaked in secret." She quoted. "That's what got your attention."
"I, I can't tell you just yet." She said.
"What? Is it something quantum?" Willow snarked back.
"A little more important than that. We need to talk with my… with mom."
"Joyce?" Giles asked, shocked.
They nodded. "There are questions only they can answer. Come on." She headed to the door.
Willow jumped and tried to get in her way. "If you think we're letting you anywhere near…" she began only for Tara to stop her.
"We're going with you." The shy blonde said with surprising seriousness.
Giles was concerned.
Unlike Willow he wasn't worried about what would happen to Joyce or Dawn. He was more worried that Xander might just be right and despite all the changes this was Buffy.
A new, unpredictable and somewhat terrifying Buffy.
As a Watcher he had been well trained in recognising threats. He knew how to catalog imps, familiars, spirits, witches, warlocks, the various categories of Vampire and numerous other demonic entities.
Turning that to what the Being in Buffy's body currently demonstrated left him baffled. On the one hand her control over reality inside her box was almost God like, but outside she had yet to demonstrate such power. As such he was tentatively classing her as a higher order of spirit. Using some connection to the Slayer line, or Buffy herself, as a means to adopt a physical form.
Not entirely unheard of.
It would also explain the casual telepathic ability and other aspects. What confused that thesis was the apparent technology and scientific knowledge. Most spirits had no need for those things. She had an almost terrifying amount of both. It had not escaped his attention that she had apparently repaired something that maintained a Black Hole.
He also hadn't forgotten her penchant for randomly appearing where she should not be able to. From around blind corners, or suddenly sitting just off to one side with casual ease. Selective teleportation was an ability for some higher orders of demons, but that usually had some atmospheric disruption. A flash, or cloud of smoke left behind. Whatever Buffy currently was had none of this.
Now she wanted to talk with her mother and Giles didn't know what he was going to say to Joyce. He was still struggling with it as they walked up the path to the door.
The being inhabiting Buffy looked at them and rolled her eyes before knocking.
After a minute or two the door opened by Joyce who blinked in confusion. "Buffy? What's wrong, why didn't you just come in?"
"A very long story." 'Buffy' said in that strange accent she had now. "It's been a weird morning. Short version; weirdness means I now have a cool accent, some minor biological changes and a boat-load of questions. So do the guys, but they're worried I'm possessed or something and have gone evil. If I'm honest I could have. Not sure myself."
Joyce blinked at that, "Mr Giles?"
"While I would not have put it in those words that is essentially correct. Can we talk, in private?"
"You go." The Being waved them off. "I'll see if I can't fix our old TV to pick up cable."
"You'll what?" Joyce asked, shocked, but the Being was already pulling an overly complicated tool from the holster on her hip. He wasn't fooled, the Being was only doing this to give him the chance to explain things in his own words.
"It's a long story." Giles told her and gently guided Buffy's mother to the kitchen. "We're going to need some tea."
It took a little persuasion, and a strong cup of tea, but eventually Joyce got the picture as best as Giles could explain.
"So, you're not even sure if that is still Buffy in there?" She asked when he had finished.
"I'm fairly certain Buffy is still in there, somewhere." He admitted. "If she is the one in control I can't say. The changes she's demonstrated are extreme."
"Giles!" Willow shouted from the living room where the others kept a close eye.
The two adults rushed out and saw the others gathered around the Television.
The Being was still fiddling with the back of the device. On the screen was images of Tanks and soldiers. A glance to the bottom of the screen showed, of all things, a red BBC logo and the headlines scrolling across the bottom Russia invades Ukraine.
"Ahh found it." The Being said and unplugged something. The TV died.
"What did you do?" Joyce asked, terrified.
"Well, no luck with cable. I was able to get something from England, in 2022. So there's that."
Giles took a second to process that. "You modified the television to pick up a transmission from more than twenty years in the future?"
"I crossed a few of the wrong wires I guess." The Being shrugged.
"How?" He said incredulously. "I mean how is that possible?"
"You're asking me?" The Being replied. "I dropped out of college remember? I mean yeah, it was to help here and I was going back…"
Giles held up a hand to stop them. "What I mean is that broadcast hasn't happened yet. The events haven't occurred, how can you… Never mind, I'm getting a headache just trying to think about this."
Joyce stepped forward and gave Buffy a serious look. "I know what Mr Giles has told me and just looking at you I can tell you've changed. But answer me this, are you still my little girl?"
There was a long moment where nothing happened. Then slowly, the Being's shoulders sagged "Still figuring that out mom." They said simply.
"I need a better answer than that."
Lifting their chin defiantly the Being looked Joyce in the face. "It is me. Whatever else I am now, I'm me mom."
Joyce looked at her carefully. "It is you." She said eventually, stepping around the television to give them a hug. "Oh Buffy."
"Mom, what's going on?" Dawn asked from behind them, sounding very confused.
The gang parted for the young girl to come forward "Your sister's gone and got herself caught up in some sort of magic Dawn." Joyce said, summing the situation up simply.
The Being sighed. "Basically I've… changed."
"Changed?" Dawn said with a frown.
"Yeah, I'm fairly certain I can now list like four hundred and sixty seven different flavours of ice cream. Alphabetically."
"Seriously?" Dawn asked.
"Yeah," the Being leaned over the television. "Willow and Giles think I'm going to use that knowledge to take over the world." She said conspicuously.
"There is the black hole you have trapped in a box that's bigger on the inside." Willow pointed out.
"And you can pick up tv from the future." Xander added.
"Yes, but ice cream."
Dawn laughed. "What is going on?"
"I'll explain later Dawnie. First, I have to ask mom a difficult question. Am I adopted?"
Giles blinked in shock, he had a vague idea of the question, but didn't expect it quite so suddenly, or direct.
"Buffy…"
"Your turn, truth." She said relentlessly.
Joyce looked like she'd been trapped. "It's a bit more complicated then…" she stopped. "It doesn't mean I love you any less." She finally admitted and all sorts of things fell into place.
Willow didn't know what to think. Buffy had been adopted. It was a major revelation.
The Not-Buffy closed her eyes for a moment and then nodded. "Thank you. Not just for being mom, which you still are by the way, but for the truth."
"Buffy…" Giles began.
She held up a hand. "I know what you're going to say. All of you. I learnt long ago it's not just about blood. It's about those you trust and love more than anything else in the world." The not-Buffy looked at Willow "That's why I don't hold anything against you for being suspicious and don't blame any of you."
Dawn, of all people, stepped forward. "Howler Monkeys." She said, dead seriously before running around the TV and hugging Not-Buffy the same way Joyce had.
Willow tried not to see the tears from Buffy's eyes.
After a moment she looked up. "We do have a lot to talk about." Buffy said, "but first something else. Mom, when you… Did anything come with me? Something small, inconspicuous."
Willow thought back on what she had read in the Box and suddenly realised where this was going. "Buffy! No!"
"Whoa there. I'm not going to open it, but you guys did give me an idea."
"What are you talking about?" Xander asked, not following.
"I think I know what's going on. If I'm right I really want to hit someone. Someone hiding in whatever trinket they stashed with me." Buffy said darkly, her half English accent making it way more threatening.
"There's a locket. It's rusted shut." Joyce admitted. "I have it in my dresser upstairs."
Buffy nodded. "Can you show Xander and Tara where it is? I'll keep Dawn down here. I'm going to need her, Giles and Willow."
"What for?"
Willow frowned. "I'd like to know as well."
"Will, you know everything I do. Why don't you tell them." Buffy offered.
"Because I don't… fine." Willow thought hard, piecing together the parts she knew, what she understood. "Right, if what I read was right you think this locket has your lost memories."
"No." Buffy corrected. "Theirs."
That was something WIllow hadn't considered. "Right. I see now. So, wait a moment." She quickly rearranged what she was going to say. "Whoever or whatever they are in that locket, your theory is that they made you, Buffy, out of themselves. Made a human and then put everything that was left in the locket. Locking themselves away and setting baby you up to be adopted. You grew up, became the Slayer, met us and everything. But it all went wrong when The Box made you what they were. You're now whatever the pilot originally was in body, but the memories are still in the locket."
"That's what I'm thinking." Buffy admitted.
"But what happens when those Memories, that Mind, gets out? What happens to you?" Xander asked
"I've got the last twenty years over them." Buffy explained. "I'm not giving up without a fight. Besides, I have a better plan. Willow remember how you talked to Giles and the others? Mind to mind, even when the Box was closed? We can rig something like that up here. Keep them locked up while we interview them."
"Hold on." Giles interrupted. "Assuming this isn't a trick, you plan to, for lack of a better term, interrogate your previous incarnation?"
"That's a good way of putting it." Buffy nodded. "If I can get a tv to pickup signals that haven't happened yet this should be easy. Well, easy-ish."
"I'm afraid I don't understand any of this." Joyce admitted.
"I… I think I do." Tara said. "I'll try and explain." And the three of them headed upstairs.
Buffy's idea of easy-ish was not the same as Willow's. She lead the four of them into the basement where she started raiding the boxes down there. "Half this stuff was here when we moved in." She explained. "Never gone through it before."
"What are we looking for?" Dawn asked, pulling a face as she opened a dusty box.
"Good question." Buffy stopped. "Metal, electronics, wires. Anything cool looking I guess.
Giles pulled out what looked like an ancient radio. "I assume this is cool looking enough?"
"That's perfect!" Buffy leapt across the room. She then, to Willows surprise and disgust, scrubbed at a corner and licked it. "Resin and methanol. Bakelite! Sixty years old." She announced, turning it over in her hands "Traces of iron and wood pulp. Probably got still got its vacuum tubes and long before printed circuits were a thing. Yes, I can use most of this." They looked up. "What?"
"You can tell what things are by licking them?" Dawn asked, looking ill.
"Yeah. Taste, look and feel." She looked confused for a moment. "It is weird isn't it. I didn't taste things did I."
"Probably not since you were two." Willow told her.
"It just felt right, and, well I can tell so much more from taste."
"Do I have to taste stuff?" Dawn said
Buffy stopped and looked at her sister for a long second. Willow felt her more mystical senses reacting to something she couldn't explain. "No. Not now."
Buffy blinked and then smiled, "Come on, here. Take this back upstairs and see if you can get the back off. Giles will help. We'll see if we can find something else useful. A wind up clock, or maybe an old vacuum cleaner will do." She handed Dawn the radio.
"Does this mean I get to break it?"
"Carefully." Buffy warned as Dawn scrambled up the stairs, Giles rolling his eyes and following.
"What was that about?"
Buffy looked up, "huh?"
"I felt something Buffy. You, something happened."
"So I'm Buffy now."
"Don't change the subject." Willow snapped, not realising she had slipped up.
"I, sometimes I get a peak behind the curtain." She said cryptically. "I see things. Like I did with you."
"What?"
"Don't freak out. I saw something, back in the shop." Buffy sighed. "I saw, I saw you cloaked in anger and hate. Lashing out with raw power. Trying to drown the pain you felt. You gave yourself to the magics to burn out your soul. I've never seen you so hurt."
Willow didn't know what to say. "Buffy..."
"I'm not sure if it's going to happen, or has yet to, or only might." She said. "That's why I tried to warn you, I don't know if it's done any good."
"You're a seer. A prophet." Willow said, connecting the dots.
Buffy shook her head. "No. At least not like your thinking. I can't, I don't have the words to explain it right. Like trying to describe the taste of colours or the smell of starlight. Here take my hands."
She stood there, holding out her hands "What?" Willow felt a sudden suspicion.
"It won't hurt. I promise." Reluctantly Willow did as she was asked. Buffy's eyes became distant, unfocused and Willow got a faint sense of vertigo. "Everything moves. Even when we're perfectly still. Can you feel it? Life races. The sun and moon chase each other across the sky, but that's an illusion. We're stood on the back of this world, spinning through space as we orbit the sun." The bottom of Willow's stomach dropped as she could feel it. For the first time she could feel the world turning under her feet. "The world spins and dances, but not alone. Others move to the same beat, Mars, Venus, Mercury and Saturn. The Asteroids, comets zipping between."
As Buffy spoke Willow's senses stretched further and further. She couldn't see beyond the basement, but she could feel. Through meditation and magic Willow had sensed things she couldn't see before, but this was stronger and somehow even more real. She could sense the whole solar system, distances beyond imagination were simply there.
"Everything moving in a silent ballet." Buffy spoke, her voice a whisper in the dark. "But if you listen, really listen, it's there. A tune. Beyond the curtain."
"I don't hear it." Willow admitted. It was there before her, all of creation and something more. Tantalisingly just out of reach.
"I do." Buffy whispered. "I do."
Buffy let go and it all came crashing down.
Between heartbeats Willow was herself again. Stumbling back she tried to catch her breath as her body came back to itself.
Buffy looked at her sadly. "Hello." She said softly and Willow, with tears standing in her eyes, understood.
It was her best friend, but where she had gone Willow couldn't follow. She'd carried her as far as Willow could go, but she was still out there.
She'd always be out there.
Willow had thought the most terrifying thing had been the Eye. It wasn't. It was what Buffy had seen from the other side.
End Chapter Three