"Al-Alright, Kris, S-Susie? Have you two actually finished your project?" Alphys asked.
Kris turned around and gave Susie the thumbs up.
"Hell yeah!" Susie roared excitedly. The whole class gave the two misfits curious, disbelieving looks. Susie shrugged in response. "Come on guys! Just because we've been running around and saving the world all week doesn't mean we never got around to doing our homework! Because, uh, you know, projects suck less than you expect?..."
"Well done," Kris whispered slipping out from behind his desk.
"Uh, okay then," Alphys said, shuffling away from the board and computer.
Kris plugged a thumb drive into the teacher's computer while Susie pulled down the projection screen. She then went to shut off the lights while Kris pulled up their project. Soon, everyone was blinded by a poorly made opening slide titled "Body Differences."
"Our project is on the differences between humans and adolescent dragons," Kris said, clicking to the next slide. A boring chart of a human body.
"As you can see, humans are pathetic, small, covered in wimpy, soft skin, and have heads full of funny hair," Susie said, squinting at a notecard in her hand. "This human here has crimson eyes, which is not normal."
"It isn't," Kris confirmed.
"Humans are weaker than us monsters and have no affinity for magic," Susie continued. "But they do have a SOUL, which as we have learned can be controlled and manipulated."
"Wait, what?" Alphys stammered.
"Dragons on the other hand are tall, strong beefcakes," Kris said, clicking to the next slide. It was a page from How to Draw Dragons. Noelle immediately got hot under the collar. "They come in all kinds of colors, with amazingly hard scales and sharp fangs. This lovely specimen next to me is mauve."
"I prefer purple," Susie snorted.
"I always thought Susan looked lavender."
"Shut up, Berdly," Kris and Susie snapped together.
Kris coughed into his hand and continued, "Contrary to popular belief, dragons do not have tails that they hide because they are self-conscious about them. Really, everything about dragons is strong and perfect. They are physically imposing, strong-willed, and they can breathe fire through tubes to kiss you."
"I guess that explains why you came to school with a bandage on your face yesterday!" Snowy laughed.
"But doesn't that mean that humans also regenerate quickly?" Jockington asked.
Kris clicked to a concluding slide and said, "We found out that dragons and humans are completely different. Their bodies are hardly the same. But we have found that where they are the same-"
"They're pretty damn compatible!" Susie said, slamming the keyboard and clicking on to the next slide. Everyone's jaws dropped when they saw the picture taking up the entire screen.
"This is what we like to call the Bushwacking," Kris said, pointing to the horrifying, explicit picture.
"I don't think my parents signed a permission form for this…" Monster Kid murmured.
"And this is the Awkward Helicopter maneuver!" Susie snickered, clicking ahead.
Berdly passed out from an explosively bloody nose. Jockington shot out of his skin, leaving a molt shell behind.
Kris hit the keyboard again. "We call this one the Pie-zuri."
"Oh my…" Alphys gasped, turning beet red.
Electricity was passing between Noelle's antlers. It was too much for her. Eg had hatched from shock. All that remained of Snowy was a tombstone, reading, 'Don't Laugh, You're next!'
"Finally, we call this one Testing the Tough Shed. It nearly broke Kris."
"It actually did," Kris interjected as Susie brought up the last slide.
As everyone else fainted from shock, Cattie took a picture and snickered, "This is… the best blackmail."