A/N: I thought it would best to add a trigger warning: (I should have put it in the first chapter)
This story makes mention of child abuse, domestic violence and drug use (Though nothing is to graphic).
I also want to add that this story, at times, has a very strong focus on Daryl bonding with Sophia. If that's not something your interested in reading then you may want to stop now.
Chapter 2
Carol looked down at Sophia.
Her daughter had been sitting on the ground by her feet, scanning the camp as she had a tendency to do.
Sophia hadn't spoken while Carol cleaned dishes from their last meal, preparing them for the next, she stayed as quiet as she always did.
Sophia would answer questions if someone asked them, she would engage in conversations is she was invited to, but Sophia was never one to ask questions or start a conversations herself. To many times she had been told to be quiet or told her questions were stupid, so eventually she stopped voicing them. Carol had tried to repair the damage done by Ed, but eventually it had stuck and Sophia had changed to suit what her father saw as acceptable behaviour.
She tried to stay focused on her task and ignore how Sophia picked nervously at the loose threads, plucking away at the knee of her pants with her tiny fingers, while looking around in a horrified daze.
Sophia was always waiting for a monster to come. Whether they be in the form of a walker, or the man who called himself her father.
Sophia was an anxious mess long before the outbreak, but now she had gotten to a point where she never left her agitated state. She couldn't help herself but let the stress of the situation consume her and her fingers seemed to react by picking at threads until there were holes in the knee of her pants. Something Sophia had been doing since she was old enough to work her fingers.
She always cringed when Ed ranted at Sophia for pulling at the threads, for picking away at the fabric until her pants were ruined. But it didn't matter how upset Ed made Sophia, she never stopped for long.
The nervous twitch had taken on a life of its own and Carol had no idea how to ease her stress, especially when it was always going to be a part of their lives. It was unavoidable.
Sophia wasn't a baby anymore, she couldn't be lied to with fantasies of a better world, a world where she would be safe and away from the monsters. This was how things were and maybe it was better that Sophia always had her guard up.
The camping area quickly grew quiet as everyone scattered back to their chores or down to the rock quarry.
Carol noticed Sophia looking over her shoulder towards their campsite. She followed her daughters gaze, expecting to see Ed, who had wondered off with Jim some time ago, but that wasn't what had caught Sophia's eye.
She let out a sigh of relief when she noticed Daryl stumble out of his tent, his crossbow in one hand, his bag and old boots in the other.
No one had seen him in almost two days, but their tents were close enough that she could hear him move around the site at night.
He looked pale, even with the dirt that covered him from head to toe, making her concern for him grow even more.
She watched him place his crossbow down and drop everything else by the two foldout chairs. It took seconds for her stomach tighten when she realised his intentions.
She wondered what he was thinking. He shouldn't be going out there when he obviously hadn't slept, but then she decided that he most likely just wanted to be alone.
She wanted to make sure he had at least eaten, because she wasn't sure if he had since his return. He had skipped taking meals with the group and hadn't spoken a word to anyone. She wasn't sure if she had heard him moving around at night because he was going hunting for himself, or if he was just stretching his legs after being cooped up all day.
She filled a bowl with what was left from lunch, just as Sophia noticed Carl and Rick heading towards the trail.
Sophia instantly jumped to her feet ready to run off, before she turned back.
"Can I go?" she asked as Carl gave her an excited smile along with an enthusiastic wave.
"Sure. Just run this over to Daryl first" she asked casually as she passed her the bowl.
Sophia barley seemed to register the question. But her quick sprint across the camp slowed as she got closer to Daryl, cautiously approaching him as he leaned forward in his chair to lace his boots.
He had been sitting in his hot stuffy tent all morning, waiting to hear everyone leave the campsite. It wasn't that he wanted to be alone, it was just that he couldn't stand seeing them stare at him, as if they were waiting for him to snap.
He knew he had temper and he had been in more then his fair share of fights, but he never considered himself a violent person. But everyone seemed to think that he was, just because he had thrown a few punches when he found out that someone had left his brother to die.
His head hung as he finished lacing his boots, but his eyes shot from the task quickly when he heard the someone approaching. He didn't want to look up, hoping whoever it was had just been passing by.
"Hey" the quiet voice snapped his head up, he couldn't help but look around, confused as to why the lanky kid was standing in front of him.
"Um,… hey" he muttered as the girl moved closer and shoved a bowl in his face.
He looked at the food and over to Carol, who was doing a miserable job at pretending that she wasn't watching the exchange.
"Here. It's for you" Sophia insisted, nudging the bowl further towards him.
He shook his head slightly to himself and took the bowl, mumbling out his thanks to the girl.
Sophia weakly smiled at him, the warm grin very similar to the one her mother often gave him.
He didn't have time to respond to her "goodbye" before she whipped herself around and ran of towards Carl and Rick.
It was obvious that they had been waiting on Sophia to join them and Carl's eyes were clearly focused on the girl, but Rick still didn't have the nerve to look at him. As if Rick thought it might set him off again.
In many ways he couldn't blame Rick for handcuffing his brother to the building. He knew that Merle could be an ass-hole and he had no doubt he deserved to be restrained. But subduing someone and leaving them to die were very different things.
Rick had acted as though he wanted to ride in like a knight and save Merle. Rick acted as though he wanted to save Merle because he felt so remorseful about the leaving him behind.
But that remorse had seemingly only appeared after two whole nights had passed.
That regret Rick apparently felt, didn't surface itself until after Daryl returned from hunting and lost his shit over the fact that Merle had been left to die.
He couldn't help himself but question Rick's morals, just as Rick was most likely questioning his. And maybe they both deserved the judgements they had cast upon each other. He didn't know really.
He ate the food as he walked through the empty campsite, making his way over to Carol. He threw the pieces into his mouth with his fingers before licking them clean. She was watching him eat and she looked almost embarrassed about it
He couldn't help but get curious as to why she was suddenly biting her bottom lip. He didn't think his horrible table manners were enough to make someone look as oddly excited as she did right now.
When he reached her side he nudged her out of his way so he could wash the bowl himself. She moved aside slightly and ignored the smirk on his face. And she ignored how that smirk expanded when he noticed she was blushing. Though he didn't know why.
Carol continued with what she was doing, and he wondered if she was going out of her way to brush her arm against his again. He was to close to her and he was in her way, not that she seemed to mind. But other people would. He shouldn't be this close and he shouldn't still be here, especially without any reason. But he knew if he moved then the innocent touching would stop and he wasn't ready for that yet.
"You ok?"
He hummed in response, putting the clean bowl with the others. He looked up at her and he could tell she wasn't convinced.
He leaned into the table on his palms and nodded.
"I'm alright" he answered unable to take his eyes off her hands, as they moved over to his until her finger tips were lightly placed on his.
Suddenly he was biting his lip and he was sure he was as red as she had been seconds ago.
The touch was minor but it made him sure that he wanted more from her. Nothing like the curious thoughts he'd had about her, he wanted the comfort that he could see she wanted to give him. Hell, he craved it.
She was the only person left who cared about him at all, no matter how little that may be.
She was the only one who was concerned if he ate, or asked if he was ok.
The only one who didn't look at him like he was a dangerous animal looking for blood.
Her fingers slowly moved over his and stayed there, he looked up to gauge her expression and saw that she was doing the same to him.
There was a lot going on in her eyes as they danced over his face, but what he saw most, was concern.
"I'll be back in a few hours" he added, encouraging her to relax. She forced a smiled at him and nodded before he finally had to find the strength to drag himself from her.
He knew, just by her expression, that she didn't want him to go out there like this. He could only guess how he looked right now, he knew he was a tired mess and he knew it showed. But honestly, he wanted the excuse to sit next to her while they made dinner and he couldn't do that without hunting something down.
He would at the very least have that small amount of time with her, it was all he had to distract himself from everything that was falling apart around him.
It was the only time when he wouldn't feel so alone.
He was still awake long after everyone else had fallen asleep. He'd decided to drag Merle's sleeping bag out and sit on it , rather then dealing with the uncomfortable fold out chairs.
He was watching his fire burn out and waiting until he felt tired enough to crawl into the tent and go to sleep.
He was hoping that tonight would be, at least slightly better, then the few before it.
He felt better about Merle being gone after talking to Carol. She hadn't said anything profound or ground breaking while he helped her make dinner.
Instead she had asked questions about his missing brother. She'd listened to him tell her a very uninteresting story about Merle, but she had acted as though it was very important information.
She had told him that she couldn't imagine what he was going through and that she hoped he knew that he wasn't alone. Even if he felt like he was. She told him that he would be ok. Even if he felt right now like he wouldn't.
She didn't act as though Merle, just because he was an ass-hole, was insignificant, especially to him. It wasn't much, but her understanding helped ease the sting.
If the campsite wasn't so silent then he wouldn't have noticed her make her way out of her tent. He thought maybe she just needed to go to the bathroom and it had just happened that he was awake at the same time.
She walked quickly but her footsteps were soft as they hit the dirt, that was something he had always noticed about her.
Merle had cracked jokes about her being a mouse and maybe in some ways he agreed. He didn't think she was small or fragile. But she was definitely quiet and it seemed that a lot of the time she went unnoticed.
He felt nervous, so nervous his whole body twitched and he had to consciously straighten himself up as she got closer.
He didn't say anything when she sat down beside him. He wanted to ask her what the hell she was thinking. But his mouth was dry and her arm was touching his. So he just sat there like he didn't notice her.
"Can't sleep?" she asked nudging her arm into his, hard enough to make him sway slightly.
He felt like he had sat there for far to long, trying to answer the very simple question. A simple yes or no would have been better then the long silence that he had created.
"I'll go soon" he spat out way to fast, feeling like a complete idiot, because he was sure he was meant to know what she was doing out here with him. But he didn't have a single clue.
He had been fidgeting with his fingers, one hands was pulling at the other aimlessly, until she reached over and plied them apart. He couldn't help but flinch and pull back slightly at the unexpected contact, but she ignored the sudden movement and kept reaching for him.
He didn't move, he just watched as her fingers curled into his and she leaned into him a little bit more then she already was. Before he knew it she was resting into his side and he let himself relax slightly into her.
He knew they had only sat there like that for a few minutes. Her hand holding his, her head resting on his shoulder, but honestly it felt like hours.
"I just wanted to make sure you were ok"
He nodded not knowing what else to say or do. She was running her thumb back and forth over the side of his palm and he wondered if she thought he was upset, if that's why she thought his hand was slightly shaking.
"You should get some sleep ok. It's late."
He finally looked down at her and she lifted her head of his shoulder. Her eyes met his in the faint light that the embers created.
He was going to tell her that he would, that he would get some rest and that maybe she should think about doing the same. Maybe she should leave before Ed noticed she wasn't in bed beside him.
But once he realised how close her face was to his he couldn't remember how to form words. All he could think about was how her breath was hitting his mouth and how her eyes were locked on his.
The way she looked at him made his breath hitch and his hand tighten around hers.
There was a moment when he wasn't sure what was about to happen.
She seemed like she was lost in thought. There was a hint of a smile on her lips and she appeared so much more relaxed in that moment then he was, but maybe that was only because she had some kind of idea about what was happening.
The more he sat there looking in her eyes, the more he became aware of the fact that their thighs were touching. He could focus on how soft the skin of her hands were and how good she smelt.
She moved a little bit closer and the hand that wasn't clasped to his slowly reached up to his face. She lightly grazed her fingers over his cheek, there was no pressure in the touch, but he still felt like she was pulling him closer to her.
Maybe if he was used to something like this, then he would have been able to think faster, he would have been able to do something before he heard the crunching of leaves nearby.
Both of their head quickly turned towards the sound. He was ready to snatch up his crossbow and kill the walker that had interrupted them, more on the basis that it had interrupted them, rather then because it was a blood thirsty creature that wanted to eat them.
But as they looked around them all they could see Rick Grimes.
The man stood there awkwardly, looking at them from across the camp with raised brows. They all froze until the former officer stuttered out a sound, one he decided against forming it into a word, before he turned back towards his tent.
He felt like a teenager that had just been caught in his room with a girl, instead of grown man caught with another mans wife. He watched Rick shake his head to himself before he was completely gone from their sights and he wondered just how big of a mouth Rick had.
"I should-…" Carol stammered out as she plied her hand from his and quickly stood up. He quickly looked from Rick to her, with his mouth hanging open. His head slightly nodded but she had turned and fled so fast that he didn't know if she had seen the muted response.
He woke up the next morning to hear Ed's loud and annoyed voice filling the campsite.
He had jumped from his tent, expecting to find Carol on the receiving end of Ed's anger. His whole body instantly relaxed to the point where he could have collapsed when he saw that Ed was actually caught up in an argument with both Rick and Shane.
He made his way over and leaned into his truck to find out what was going on. It seemed right now that Ed's outburst was considered entertainment, because most of the camp was watching the exchange.
He kept a close eye on Carol, who was cautiously standing by and watching as Ed got more and more frustrated with Rick and Shane.
They wanted Ed to join the scouting group. The group that left once a week in search of supplies.
Ed was arguing that he shouldn't be the one who was forced to make the trips, but neither Rick or Shane would budge on the matter.
They explained to Ed that their was a position that needed to be filled and he was the only one who could fill it.
As much as they obviously hated to admit it, Merle was an important key to their survival and without him they were coming up short.
Rick didn't know it when he abandoned Merle in Atlanta, but he had ditched one of the few people willing to put his life on the line and leave the safety of the group. Rick didn't know that he was leaving behind someone who actually volunteered to put his life on the line.
He couldn't help but smile to himself. He was pretty damned amused that without the ass-hole that he called his brother, they were not as strong a group as they once were.
He found it almost hilarious that people actually needed Merle for something positive. But the fact was, Merle was gone, he died or vanished. And he'd done so working a job that they were trying to convince Ed to fill.
Ed had gone on the occasional run, though he should have been made to go much more then he was. Basic fact was that Ed had gotten away with slacking off. Until now.
He leaned up against his truck trying to act as uninterested as possible, but he was clearly standing by waiting for Ed to lose his cool. He could even see Glenn and T-dog making their way over to do the same thing.
"It's just how things are. We lost Merle, we need someone to replace him and you have experience with weapons. That's all there is to it" Shane repeated, obviously growing tired of the argument as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
"What about the Hick why doesn't…"
Rick quickly raised his hand before Ed could continue.
He noticed Rick look over to see if he had any plans to retaliate. Rick looked somewhat relieved when realised Daryl had no intentions on biting back. Why would he? He didn't much care what pieces of shit like Ed had to say to him.
"Daryl is the only one we have left with hunting experience and who is willing to go out there, he helps everyone and only risks himself. He does enough." Rick pointed out firmly, with his eyes locked on Ed.
Carol noticed Daryl's face remain flat and emotionless while they talked about him like he wasn't three feet away, she waited for a flash of pride in his eyes, but they remained fixed on Ed as he twisted the bolt in his fingers.
She could only imagine what was running through Daryl's mind as he looked Ed up and down, quietly, but visibly waiting to attack Ed at a moments notice.
Everyone had circled around her husband as though they could all feel the rage building in the man.
She knew that Ed did very little for the group, especially in comparison to the other members.
He always fought against contributing and she had found herself trying to make up for that by doing more then her fair share. She didn't know if Ed would grow frustrated and decide to leave the group because they asked to much of him, so she hoped if she did more then was asked of her they would leave Ed alone and not see them as a hindrance on the group.
She didn't do any of this for Ed's sake. She did this for Sophia. To assure her daughter could stay within the protection of the group. Without it she didn't know that Sophia would be able to survive. She didn't think either of them would survive if they had to rely solely on Ed.
Ed continued to complain about the new arrangement. But it didn't matter, Shane had made his mind up. As Ed continued to complain, Daryl started to realise all this anger getting built up in the man had to be put somewhere.
He couldn't believe that no less than a minute after wishing Ed dead, he found himself alongside Shane and Rick, trying to calm him down.
He hated it, every fuckin' second of it.
But he did it.
He stood there and tried to reason with this ass-hole, tried to tell him that everyone was in the same boat. No one was any better off, even if it appeared that they were.
The only thing that kept him going through the conversation was the fact that Ed was going to have to go out there. And he was going to die out there.
One day soon the mans luck would simply run out.
Honestly, he didn't know how he had made it this far.
He hopped they would come back from a bad run without Ed, he prayed they were still in the mindset of tying ass-holes down to rooftops and leaving their asses behind.
Daryl chewed at the nail on his thumb long after the taste of blood entered his mouth and it only got worse when he finally saw her walking through the camp towards him.
He dropped his head back down when he realised that Ed was watching her closely. He instantly started working, so that it didn't look like he had been urgently waiting on her arrival.
He had been out hunting but when he returned he overheard Lori and Jaqui saying that Carol and Ed had been gone for had been hidden away in the privacy of their tent, away from prying eyes.
Apparently he had demanded that she go with him not long after the decision had finally been set in stone, that Ed would be Merle's replacement. Not long after Ed realised there was nothing he could say that would change anyone's mind.
He moved his hands faster, trying to act like he wasn't interested in the fact that Carol was getting closer to him.
He decided against even looking up when she moved past him, to go to her regular spot at the table and begin preparing dinner. But he did look over to Ed, finding him looking very pleased with himself as he watched her like a hawk.
It didn't matter that Ed had finally declared that he would go out scouting, that he would accept that he had to do something,.. anything, to earn his place. What mattered was that Ed was quite obviously pissed of about it and Daryl knew exactly who Ed had decided to blame for the injustice of someone finally forcing him to retire from his position as a lazy prick.
He gripped the knife tighter in his hand and began chopping the meat roughly, scraping the flesh from the bone with much more force than was necessary.
He didn't want to get the job done quickly, the sooner he was done the sooner he would have to leave, but he couldn't slow his hands. He was using so much pressure on the blade that his knuckles turned white and handle dug into his palm.
He noticed Ed moving closer to them, flicking his cigarette to the ground a few feet away from where he was working. His eyes locked on the cigarette still burning in front of him and he wondered what the moron wanted. He wondered why he was still lingering. And he wondered how much more of this he could stand.
"You hurry up now, ya hear"
His head shot up to see Ed, just as the prick turned to walk away, leaving Carol nodding nervously.
He only scarcely noticed her hands shaking as she struggled to use the can opener, but it was more than enough.
He didn't know when he had gotten to his feet, but he was pretty sure it was sometime around 'hurry up'.
The knife was still in his grip, but now it felt heavy. Now it felt like a magnet dragging him to Ed. Without a second thought he took a step in Ed's direction, ready to let the anger inside of him loose.
"Stop"
The whisper was weak but forceful and it was enough to make his steps falter. He looked at her closely, for the first time since she arrived at the table. Even if she wouldn't look at him, he scanned her body from head to toe.
She wanted him to stop.
She wanted him to act as though he was ok with this. But that was impossible to do that when her eyes were red and glassy and he had to wonder where the bruises were hidden.
"Fuck"
He didn't mean to say it out loud, but it came out anyway. He dropped the knife on to the end of the table, letting his fingers flex out as they loosened of the handle.
He couldn't look at her like this, not without killing Ed right here in broad daylight.
He felt his finger close back into his palm, his fingernails digging into the rough hardened skin until it stung and he tried to focus on that pain.
He couldn't listen to that moron talk to her like that, and he was sure that he shouldn't be letting him talk to her like that. He was sure because of the sick twisted feeling he got in his gut as soon as moron opened his mouth, and how that feeling made him want to shut Ed's trap permanently.
But he couldn't. She didn't want him too, and he didn't get it.
He didn't know what she was waiting for.
But mixed in with the rage and frustration he had for Ed was something else and as soon as it hit him it was impossible to disregard.
He didn't say anything or look at her again. He couldn't. He just turned and left.
Moron is right, he thought. I know exactly who the fuckin' moron is.
He was just her friend and nothing else, he hardly knew her. He was the idiot reading into small touches and glances, and thinking-… whatever the hell it was that he was thinking.
He was slipping now. He was getting closer every day. Closer to her and closer to losing it with Ed. And he realised it would be a big fuckin' waste of his time, because she had no plans to leave him.
She was just as fucked up as he was. He just didn't realise it until now.
If she could just walk away from Ed she would have, long before she met him. Hell, he would have fucked off on Merle and his old man. But he didn't. How could he expect her to do something he could never do himself?
The problem was, if he kept this shit up he'd lose her.
Yet, if he did nothing he was gonna loose her.
There was no happy ending insight. Not that he was surprised, there was always going to be that part of him that was waiting for her to disappear. Everything always left him eventually.
Nothing had ever worked out for him and he should have known better then to think that this would be any different.
"You coming?"
He couldn't help but look over his shoulder. He knew Ed was gone on a run, but still this just seemed risky. And stupid, really, really stupid.
He couldn't help but think that she liked seeing him standing there like an idiot. All it would take is one of the others to open their mouths and Ed would try to kill them both.
This isn't worth it, he thought, trying to convince himself.
"Fine, I'll go alone" she said casually with a smile, before turning towards the trail and briskly walking off.
He rolled his eyes and followed her, he knew Dale was watching, but thankfully the rest of the group seemed too busy to notice him following the very married women into the woods. Alone.
He knew this was coming sooner or later.
He had been avoiding her for more then a week and it was more then obvious. At least it would have been obvious to her.
Even when they made dinner he moved fast and stayed away from her. He avoided eye contact at all costs and refused to talk to her. It had become a hobby, but the time it took to avoid her, kept her in his mind constantly on her.
He wanted to move his tent away from hers, just so he wouldn't have to see her so damn much. But at the same time he knew he could never bring himself to do that, if something happened he wanted to be there.
That's when he realised he could stay close and stay away from her at the same time.
But right now. After days of nothing. He found he was unable to help himself.
He followed her, even if it was going against his plan. He knew she wanted to question him about how he had been treating her. But it didn't matter why she wanted him to go with her, because the thought of being alone with her again, with less of a chance of being caught, was far to appealing.