Chapter 3

He'd noticed Rick eyeing him all morning. He had seen his eyes darting between him and Carol, long after Ed left on a run with the rest of his new work mates.

Their trip was a simple one, as simple as going out there can get. They had to get fuel and as much as they could. They would also take whatever they found on the way and then return. He doubted they would be gone long, fuel was easier to find when their were cars scattered everywhere.

It wasn't to hard to figure out why Rick was watching him. Any shred of doubt he had, any thoughts of him being paranoid were evaporated when Rick approached him and asked if he had any idea what he was doing, if he had any idea what this kind of conflict this could cause.

He could see it in Ricks face that he did not approve. But Rick seemed to think there was a lot more going on then their actually was. He wondered that if Rick knew that he had hardly touched Carol, if Rick would still be looking at him the same way. But he wasn't about to defend himself to Rick Fuckin' Grimes.

There were a lot of things he wanted to say to Rick but he had settled for telling him to mind his own business.

After all, there was more then one married women sneaking out of her tent in the middle of the night. Every one knew Lori was still messing around with Shane. Rick knew it to. But he would never bring it up with Rick. He would never get himself involved that particular situation, because it wasn't his business.

He never thought about what was going on between Lori, Shane and Rick. He didn't necessarily have a strong opinion on the matter. Sure, he had considered why Lori was fucking around on Rick with Shane. He didn't really care for Rick, but he thought the guy deserved better.

In some ways, maybe it could be seen as a similar situation. Two men and one married women.

But it wasn't the same. Carol wasn't Lori and Ed sure as shit wasn't Rick.

If Carol was with someone like Rick then this would be a completely different ballgame. If she was with someone like Rick maybe he would have thought differently about following her into the woods just to be alone with her. He would have thought that Ed deserved better. But once again, Ed wasn't Rick.

He was trusting her to lead the way and relying on his ears to pay attention to their surroundings.
He had to let her lead the way because he had no idea where they were going and because he couldn't seem to take his eyes away from the sweat forming on her neck.

He watched each drop emerge from her hair, run over her spine and disappear below her shirt.

It took 34 drops for him to have the sudden realisation that he needed to get the fuck out of this camp. 40 drops before he thought about going on a long ass hunting trip. And 47 before he thought about making it a permanent one.

He needed to leave because he obviously didn't have the good sense to stay away from her. He could see that now as he reached 60th drop, just as she stopped and spun around to face him.

He dropped his gaze to the ground and folded his arms around himself, taking a step back when he realised just how unnecessarily close he was to her.

He kept his eyes on his boots and waited.

He suddenly wished he hadn't followed her. He wished he hadn't been ignoring her all week, maybe then he wouldn't be here in this odd situation, one that was making him uncomfortable.

He looked up from his feet, just enough to see her hands twisted together in front of her stomach, rubbing and pulling at each other. She was covering her soft skin in red blotches, as if she was anxiously trying to pull the skin off. The thought of that made him openly cringe and he wanted to reach out and stop her, but he didn't have the nerve.

"Are you mad at me?" she stuttered out softly. The nervousness radiating from her was enough to make his discomfort grow and enough to make him feel like an ass-hole.
He'd upset her, made her feel bad. He never intended to do that.

He hadn't really thought about how she would feel if he was to pull away from her. Maybe he thought she'd adjust and move on. But he hadn't actually explained himself or taken the time to ask her what she was thinking. He just pulled away because it was to much for him to deal with. It was just what he did. It was what he had always done.

Of course, he was mad, he was fucking furious. This whole thing was getting more and more fucked up by the second and he couldn't seem to pull his shit together enough to stop it, but he wasn't mad at her. Not really. He sighed heavily and put the crossbow down, so he could finally explain himself, without a weapon in his hand.

When he forced himself to look up, he noticed that the smile he followed here had disappeared from her face. Now her eyes looked fearful and he could see a slight shake in her bottom lip.

He tried to find the right words, tried to figure out a way to tell her that he didn't think he was capable of standing by while someone was treating her how Ed was. Not without killing him.

But as his eyes finally found hers he couldn't think about anything else but removing the grim expression she was holding.

His hand drifted out until his fingers found hers. He watched as her long thin digits intertwined with his, to make her stop picking and pinching at her skin. The contact made her whole body freeze, as soon as his rough calloused hand hit her smooth skin.

He knew that something was about to happen. He wasn't going to freeze up again, he wasn't going to turn into a stunned moron again. He wasn't going to let the moment slip by.

He gauged her reaction, focusing on the slight curve that appeared on her mouth. Her lip stopped shaking and her eyes brightened with the simple touch.

He felt bold, though it was something so simple. But this wasn't the same as a stolen touch of comfort, surrounded by the entire camp. It wasn't the same as the night outside of his tent when he was clueless about what he should do. No, this was intimate and really fucking inappropriate to be doing with someone's wife.

But still, he could feel a pull between them and it was impossible to ignore.

It was like they had an elastic band around them, dragging them together. He gave into that pull and let it draw him closer to her.

The step he took had their hands pressed between them. He could feel her fingers wrapped up with his, pressing into his stomach. He could see her chest rising and falling as she took in each heavy breath. He could feel her moving close to him.

All thoughts of leaving had disappeared and were replaced with absurd fantasies of her bare skin on his, her hands tangled into his hair and running all over him.

Fuck it. He'd gone this far, he thought as he began ripping his bottom lip through his teeth.

He lifted his free hand up to her shoulder and lightly grasped it for a moment. He waited a second to see is she would step back or tell him to stop, but all she did was close her eyes as if she was savouring the contact. When she didn't protest he started gliding his finger past her shoulder seeking out the drops of sweat that fell over the back of her neck.

He glided his fingers up and wiped the cool moisture into his skin. He heard her breathing grow heavy, as she slowly opened her eyes and looked up at him.

He was mesmerised by the feel of being this close, of feeling his fingers running up to her hairline where the sweat freely fell.

Irrational thoughts of being able to run his mouth over the area erupted in his head and he couldn't seem to force the idea away. It was an actual struggle not to act on that impulse.

He could see doubt in her eyes, but there was something else lingering behind it.

He didn't want to lose this moment, as if he and the doubt she felt were in a battle, and he had to do anything he could to win.
He quickly tightened his hand on her neck and pulled her lips to his.

It was just for a few seconds, but he felt her kiss him back with a desperation he didn't expect. Her hands were suddenly taken from his and were flat on his chest. She didn't push him away, but she pulled her lips from his and looked at him like she was seconds from running.

"You don't know what you're doing" she said scrunching her brow as she shook her head, dropping it into his chest.

The feel of hair brushing his chin and her forehead pressed into his chest, was not something he could enjoy after what she had just said. His whole-body tensed while he took in her accusation with a sting.

"Wha-? Course I do." He said firmly, battling her uncertainty that had burst through her seams and into quiet moment.

"No. you don't." She whispered as she shook her head more firmly and moved back. His hand slid of her neck as she pushed him back, putting far to much space between , he was still in shock from having her lips on his to think about stopping her.

He'd never been like his brother. He's never bothered to actively seek out women like it was a hobby or a sport. He'd gotten lucky from time to time, but he couldn't name a single one of those women from his one-night-stands. It had been nothing but luck, if you could call it that. He mostly thought of it as being the last guy at the bar, landing the last women there. She'd only chosen him because there were no better options and she was desperate not to go home alone.
But that wasn't what was happening here. At least not for him.

He'd never met anyone like her. She was nice and warm and comforting. She was something he'd never have approached, because she was out of his league. But he had approached her, he'd talked with her, held her hand, he'd kissed her.

"I want you" the words fell out of his mouth and they seem to have her frozen. Her eyes were fixed on his mouth as he reached out to take a hold of her waist. The want, desire, lust or whatever the fuck it was, was seeping back in and he wanted to take advantage of it before it disappeared again.

He could feel her hands on his chest still. Her fingers flexing until they were pressed firmly into him, digging into him, causing a low muffled growl erupt from his throat. She wasn't pushing him away or pulling him in. It was as if she couldn't decide what she wanted to do.

He leaned down and pulled her back to him again, in a desperate attempt to run his tongue over her lips once more. She kissed back with more eagerness then she had before. This time she parted her lips and he felt her tongue collide with his. This time he ran his hands over her back and held on to her so much tighter then he had.

The closeness caused the same dizziness and he felt her grip his shirt like she wanted to rip it off, before they suddenly went flat again. Then they were gone.

"That's what I'm talking about" her voice was firm as she pushed him off, stumbling away from him. His mouth hung open as she moved out of his grasps.

He studied her closely as she closed her arms around herself and looked at him, eyeing him like he should know what she was getting at. But he didn't. He wanted her. It was simple. It was the simplest thing in the world right now.

"I have a daughter Daryl,… a husband. It's not just me."

He went to talk, to interrupt her. He wanted to tell her he could handle all of it. But before he could say a word she raised her hand in front of herself, like she was asking permission to finish. He closed his mouth and lowered his head, chewing at his lip and nodding.

"I can't ride off into the sunset with you. Were stuck here. With this group. With him." Her voice started to raise and shake. She started to sound angry, angry because she felt like she didn't have any options.

"That means you would have to deal with that every day. And Sophia-…." She shook her head and he could see her trying to hold back the tears forming in her eyes.

"It's too much, you need to think about what this means for you. He's not going to roll over and except me leaving. Do you see this isn't fair on you Daryl? I can't ask this from you. You can't ask someone to take all of that on. I won't"

He shook his head as she spoke, captivated by the occasional tremor in her words. His mouth hanging open again like an idiot, as he tried to approach her again, only to be stopped by her open palm that paused him in his tracks.

"I wont ask you to kill him for me. I don't want you to. I cant live with that. Can you understand that?"
He tried to comprehend what she was saying. He wanted to take it in, because she obviously meant it. She didn't want him to kill Ed because she didn't think he should have to do something like that for her. She couldn't live with him having to do something like that for her.

"Do want to leave him Carol?" he asked dipping his head slightly to line his eyes up with hers.
There was a flash of fear in her eyes when he asked the question.
She swallowed and looked over her shoulder, as though she thought Ed was lurking in the woods, instead of half way to Atlanta.

"I need to figure this out. On my own. You shouldn't get involved in this. It's not fair on you" she spoke so softly he could barely make out the words. His confused gaze fixed on the tears in her eyes, until they finally won and began falling over her cheeks.

"Carol, I can help. Let me help" He started pleading but he could see the resolve in her face.

"I can-… I can handle this" she said firmly as she swatted the tears away and turned away from him before he could say anything else.

He didn't try to stop her. He didn't know what else he had to offer. She brought him up here to find out if he was angry at her. He wasn't and she knew that now.
He could feel the knots tightened in his stomach as she walked back onto the path and started heading towards the camp. He watched her wonder down the trail, still swiping the tears of her cheeks harshly. He hung back as she approached the campsite. He stayed hidden and waited until she met up with Lori, Jaqui and Dale before he slipped back into the woods alone.

He hadn't needed to hunt, he hadn't needed to sit by Carol while they prepared dinner.

Andrea and Amy had spent the afternoon fishing and had gotten more then enough feed the whole group and Ed and the others had returned with trunk load of canned goods they had found in a truck on the highway, along with the fuel the group needed.

Everyone had gathered into three small groups to have dinner,the groups were separate, but close by each other. He had sat by T-dog and Jaqui to eat, because they had invited him to. His position gave him a clear view of Carol and as usual he couldn't help himself but watch her far to closely.

She looked like she was very focused on the fish she was eating. She kept her eyes on her plate and chewed each bite for much longer then was necessary, as though she was to lost in thought to remember to swallow her food.

He wondered what was going through her head. What she had in mind. She said she could handle it, but he didn't know how she expected to do be able to do that when Ed was such an obvious threat to her.

After dinner, Ed had decided to go to bed and he decided that Carol and Sophia needed to go also. That was right when Daryl decided he needed to retire for the night as well.

It occurred to him as he crawled into his tent, that she was right in a way.

He hadn't thought it through.

When he really considered everything she had said, he realised that he could only ever look after himself, that was all he seemed to be capable of. And he didn't really do a good job at that most of the time.

If Carol left Ed, then Carol and the kid would be his responsibility. Anything that happened to them would be on him. That alone scared him beyond belief.

He had never looked after anyone before. He hadn't had a girlfriend, just a few drunken one-night stands and he always made sure he was gone as soon as it was over. Obviously, that wouldn't be an option with Carol, he couldn't panic and fuck off.

He was stuck with this group, just as much as Ed was.

He wanted her, he knew he wanted her because he could feel it in his gut. It wasn't a clear and calculated thought or plan. He just wanted her. But Carol was right, it wasn't as simple as that.

She had a kid. He didn't know how old Sophia was exactly, but he guessed she was no older ten or eleven. She was defenceless and there was a good possibility, regardless of his good intentions, he may only make her life worse then it already was.

He'd never even babysat a kid before.

And Sophia was obviously a nervous wreck. He noticed her tearing holes into her jeans. The kid didn't seem stupid. She knew they couldn't just run to the shop and get her more, so obviously she couldn't stop herself. What was it gonna do to her when she had a new reason to look over her shoulder.

Most of the time he had tried not to look at Sophia, because she made him so fuckin jumpy. Her head would spin and her body would jerk, like she saw or heard something coming. He wouldn't think, just grip his gun or crossbow, getting ready to attack. But there was never anything there. The kid was just fucking on edge and if he watched her to closely then it put him on edge.

Then there was Ed. Fucked if he knew what Ed would do once he figured out what was going on.

The best of men would have trouble keeping their shit together, but an asshole like Ed would probably plot a slow death for the pair of them.

Fuck. He'd have to watch her and the kid every second.

And the minute he took his eyes off them…, god he could fuck this up.

There were runs, hunting trips, traps that needed to be set, water that needed to be fetched, how could he keep them both safe from Ed and the walkers?

He couldn't really offer them safety, because no one could promise that anymore.

He laid on his side, in his usual tensed position. His gun and crossbow still spread out across Merle's empty spot.

As he looked around, he noticed Merle's scattered belongings were still around him and left untouched. As though he was still expecting his brother to return. Maybe a part of him wanted to believe that this solitude was temporary. But Merle wasn't coming back and he doubted Carol would leave Ed.

Lately when he couldn't sleep he would think of her and create a kind of story in his head. One where she was safe. Where she was lying beside him instead of the pile of weapons. But he couldn't even do that tonight. All he could do was worry that she wouldn't leave Ed and then also worry that if she did, then he was going to have to protect them from Ed. There was only one way he knew to do that, but it wasn't an option.

He couldn't just kill the man because Carol made it clear that she didn't want him to do that. He also didn't know the consequences of doing that. He didn't know if Rick would kick him out. If that happened he would have to leave Sophia and Carol behind. And as much as he trusted the group to fight to stay alive, he also knew that when it came down to it, they would protect their own first. That meant that Carol and her daughter would have to fend for themselves.

He squeezed his eyes tight, wanting to fall asleep. So he chased away the bad thoughts as best he could. He tried to focus on how good it felt to have his hands on her. How it felt during those few moments when she had kissed him back. That was what had helped him relax enough to finally drift off.

Those sweet thoughts he'd had, did not follow him into his sleep. Those comforting thoughts were twisted and darkened, unfocused and torturous until they resembled the nightmares that haunted him. But just because those comforting thoughts didn't follow him into his sleep, it didn't mean that those nightmares wouldn't follow him after he woke up.

He didn't know how long he had been asleep when his eyes snapped open to the sounds of moans and screams. He wondered if it was real, or if they were just sounds lingering in his head from the nightmare he'd been caught in moments before. But with in seconds he felt the earth vibrating beneath him and heard the gun go off. And he knew it was real. He knew he had to move and move fast.