Chapter 33: August
"Well,…" he looked around, for something he thought might work. But there was nothing around them but trees.
"Try on me." he said with a nod and a slap to his chest.
Sophia looked at him with a scrunched nose and narrowed eyes. "Huh?"
"Just pretend I'm tryin ta kill ya" he said, giving her a firm nod. "Gotta practice"
She raised her brow up at him and looked down at the machete in her hand, then back up to him with a smirk. "Pretty sure that's the kind of thing we'll only get to practice once."
He couldn't help but laugh and shake his head slightly.
"You a smart ass" he muttered.
Quickly he snatched a long and solid looking stick from the ground. "Here take this" he said as he replaced the weapon for the branch and then took his spot back in front of her."Aright. You ready?"
Sophia quickly looked at her hand and made sure she was holding it the the same way he had taught her to hold the machete. Then she looked back up at him and shrugged and nodded, with far more uncertainty then he would have liked.
"Now most of em are gonna be taller then ya. You're gonna have to use that to ya advantage" he said as he took a few steps back from her.
Again her eyes narrowed at his words."How? Isn't my height the biggest disadvantage?"
He nodded. It was a disadvantage, there were more then a few dozen times a day that he wished he could somehow make the kid grow, for this exact reason. But they had to work with what they had and truthfully, he was happy that she was at least smart enough to know that. "It is if ya ain't prepared. But your gonna be prepared, ok"
He ignore the nervousness growing in her expression. He ignored the way the stick shook slightly as she lifted it up. He ignored those things because he had no damn choice, she needed to learn how to do this.
"Ya gonna try for under the chin, or through the eye. Then when you got it in place, you ram that machete in the fuckers head"
Sophia shook her head and raised her brow at him."Did you always have such a dirty mouth"
He nodded.
"I did. And yours ain't been to damn clean lately either. Called me an asshole yesterday for wakin' ya up" he pointed out as he leaned down ad readjusted her hands on the stick.
The frown that appeared on her face quickly had him biting his cheek to stop from laughing.
"I was tired and you were knocking crap around." Quickly she dropped the stick back down to her side, while her other hand raised to point at him. "You were doing it on purpose" she growled.
"Focus Sophia"
He knew what she was doing, even if she wasn't completely aware of it herself. She was trying to distract him, she wanted to stop all of this, even if it was only for a few minutes. He and Sophia didn't talk to much, truthfully they spent more time in silence then anything else. But it was amazing how many conversations she tried to have with him when they were training.
"Ok, now. You gotta be fast. You cant take a single second to think about nothing else, but how your gonna get the brain" he said as she raised the stick back up and locked her eyes on his, trying to take in everything he was saying.
"Doesn't everyone have to be fast, even if their tall." She questioned, giving that squinty look she threw out, whenever he'd said something that confused her.
"I could push em if I felt the need, or kick em down. If I needed to buy me self a bit of time. I have that option. You don't. You gotta go straight for the kill"
He could see it in her face, hear it in her voice. The fear and anxiety was already raising beyond what she could handle.
It was just them here. There were no Walkers, she wasn't in any danger. But the mere idea of trying to take one down on her own was scaring the shit out of her.
"What if I miss? Then I have the machete caught in it while it's still coming at me."
He leaned forward slightly and made sure he spoke as clearly as he could. To make sure she heard him. To make sure that when the time came, his voice rang through her head.
"You gotta think even faster if that happens. You gotta decide if you got time to yank it out and have another go, or if you should cut ya losses and run. But you have to make that decision in a single damn second." He paused for a second, taking in the size of the kid once more. "Most of the time Sophia, I want you to run."
Suddenly her eyes dropped from his and darted back and forth on the ground in front of her, as she ran the scenario through her head. "What if it's falling on me when the machete gets caught?"
"Then you push on the handle or the walker, just enough to get the walker back a bit. Give you a way out. Or if you got the time just jump out of the way. Then fuckin' run"
It was then that it simply got to much and he could see it before she voiced it. But it didn't evoke compassion and understanding. It only brought anger and frustration to the surface, because he was just a shit scared as she was. He didn't want to be teaching her this shit, but he was completely fucking horrified of what could happen is she didn't learn it.
She shook her head frantically as she finished playing out the story in her head. The story where her weapon gets caught and she gets chewed apart.
She quickly tossed the stick on the ground and stepped away from it. "I can't do it"
"Bullshit" he barked back at her, causing her to flinch. But now the reaction was out of surprise, rather then fear. She jumped back the way anyone would when a loud noise had surprised them.
He had yelled at Sophia more then he would like to admit, but after while, once she realized he had no intention of hitting her, she yelled right back at him.
"I cant!" she growled through her teeth.
"You can. And ya gonna." he snapped, snatching up the stick and forcing it back into her hand.
For a single second she froze, looking at the stick in her hand, before she tossed it back down at his feet."No! I'm not doing this!"
"Ya gonna! I ain't playin' Soph. Now, pick up that fuckin' stick and pretend ya gonna kill me"
Her eyes were fixed hard on his as her jaw tightened and her brow creased. "You keep being an asshole, maybe I wont pretend" She threatened with a conviction that would have scared a lot of people. Her own mother would have been damn near horrified to hear her talk like that. But he wasn't. This was how he needed her to be.
"Ya mad?" he questioned lowering his voice.
She didn't respond. Instead she crossed her arms and looked away from him in some childish act of defiance.
"Good. Be fuckin mad. If it weren't for those things, we wouldn't be stuck out here in the middle of fuckin nowhere, wearin' out each others company. You should be pissed."
She was pissed, but she was also relaxing and accepting the argument was over.
As many arguments as they'd had while he attempted to train her, ultimately she knew it had to be done. She knew just as well as he did, that every argument they'd had was based on nothing but fear. She was scared to kill them and he was scared she wouldn't.
Their routine had started that morning after they'd found the burnout farm.
He had, with out meaning to, fallen asleep.
He was supposed to be watching out for her while she slept in the car. He had reasoned with himself that he was just going to sit down for a minute. Then he decided he was just going to lean back for a minute, then he thought he might just close his eyes for a minute.
He woke up in start. Nothing had disturbed him, except the voice in his head. It had suddenly, even in his unconscious state, reminded him that he was supposed to watching the kid. But when his eyes snapped open, he found her standing a few feet away from him. She was scanning the area.
He guessed he had only been asleep for maybe three or four hours. But it was enough to make all the difference. It was enough to kick start his brain again.
He had apologized to her. Because once again, he'd put her in danger. But Sophia wouldn't have it. What she wanted from him, was to be taught how to properly take watch. She wanted him to tell her what he did all night while she slept. What he looked and listened for.
There was something miserable about teaching her that. Something so horribly depressing in the way she had asked.
There was so much defeat in her tone. An acceptance of how things were now. And it ran through his chest like shards of glass. She knew just as well as he did, that they had no idea of how to find Carol, if she was even alive to find. She knew he needed to sleep and she needed to learn to keep watch, because they really were on their own now.
The fantasy's they had both created in their heads, of finding their group and getting back what they had lost, were gone.
He kept watch through the night, then a few hours before sunrise he would wake Sophia up and she would take over. She was under strict instructions to stay focused and to wake him up if she so much as got a bad feeling. He told her that he would rather her wake him up every twenty minutes, then ignore her instincts. Because they were good instincts.
When he'd wake up he'd find her right where he left her, looking just as alert as she had been when she started her shift.
And once he was up, they would pack away the few things they had and they would start again.
They hunted every morning. And he taught her how to do that. She didn't just follow behind him anymore, she was starting to track the animals with him. She was learning to set the snares.
He taught her everything his father had taught him and Merle about surviving. But he did it in the way he always wished he had been taught. With as much patients as he could possibly muster.
It seemed now, that the only thing that truly frustrated him, was her reluctance to kill the walkers. He couldn't blame her really. She was just to small. And most of the time he was sure that the idea of her killing a walker scared the shit out of him, more then it did her. But that didn't mean that he was going to stop trying.
They would walk all day and look for them. Searching all the places he remembered Glenn talking about. Places that were near the farm or near the campsite. Just wandering around, as long as the sun would allow them to.
She knew as well as he did, that in the afternoon, once they had found somewhere to sleep and their dinner was cooking, she was going to start training again. Whether she liked it or not. And he they would probably argue again and he would most likely end up feeling like an asshole again. But he would keep pushing.
As much as he dreaded the thought, he wanted Sophia to be able to survive without him.
Months ago, before they had gotten separated from the group, he wouldn't have thought it was possible, but now he was sure of it.
He could do this, he could get her there.
She was going to make it back to Carol, with or without him.