Chapter 47:
"What you doin?" Daryl asked as he turned toward the familiar patter of small feet following him.
There she was, red hair and freckles. Her old tattered backpack that she'd dragged all over Georgia, hanging of her shoulder. Her notebook tight in her grasp. Wearing a green t-shirt with a dinosaur plastered on it and a pair of baggy brown pants.
From what he had overheard, Carl had been the one to supply Sophia with her new wardrobe and he'd guessed that Sophia must have been satisfied with it, because it was never mentioned by her or Carol again.
"Hunting . You said we were gonna go out" Sophia explained with a confused frown.
He shook his head and pulled the strap of the bag that was hanging from her shoulder.
She watched him with her mouth hanging open, as he took the bag from her and walked it back to the cell that she shared with her baby brother.
"I'm going with you" Sophia growled as she followed after him.
He didn't answer. He decided to save his reply for when they didn't have an audience. Like they always seemed to have.
He knew the cell with its hanging sheet didn't really offer much in the way of privacy but it was better then arguing with her in halls, with a dozen sets of eyes on them.
He held the sheet aside and watched as Sophia marched into the small space.
When he dropped the thin fabric and it fell into place, he put the bag onto the ground.
"I need to go with you" Sophia said, lowering her voice.
Her eyes were fixed on her bag, but he knew it was because she needed somewhere to put her gaze, as long as it wasn't on him.
"Need to?" he questioned raising his brow.
"Someone should have your back" Sophia responded with complete certainty.
"I'm not going far. Just having a look around. On foot. Just outside the fences" he reasoned.
It was a simple outing. He was checking the area, looking for signs of game. He wanted to see if he had any chance of hunting there at all.
"then why can't I come?" Sophia protested roughly, managing to keep her voice low.
There was something there, something in her eyes that he'd been seeing more and more. It was discomfort, and each day it
became more apparent that Sophia was not getting settled into her new home at all.
"What's goin on with you Soph?" he asked hoping to get some idea of what she was going through.
But she didn't give in. She didn't bring her eyes to meet his and she didn't relax her stiff shoulders.
"why can't I come? I used to go with you."
He sighed and shook his head. He felt like an ass. But this was how it was supposed to be. It was how it always should have been.
Mary had been right, it was reckless having her out there. He'd kept her alive. But there had been a price for that.
"Soph. You're supposed to be here. You're a kid. Your supposed to be doing-...kid stuff"
"I'm a kid?" she questioned angrily.
He nodded.
"Yeah Soph. You are."
The last few days he felt like he had barely seen her. But almost every night, she still crept into his cell to wake him up. It had become a part of his routine.
He would take her back to her room and stay with her until she fell back to sleep. He'd stay until her demons were quiet enough to let her rest.
"What's goin on with you Soph?"
For a moment he could see something beneath the surface of her tough exterior. He could see that she needed something from him. But he didn't get to examine it for long, because as quickly as it was revealed, it was wiped away.
"Forget it. Just Go" she cried out as she snatched her bag from him and took off running.
"Sophia?" he called down the hall, assuring that once again all eyes were on him.
"what happened?" Carol asked as she came out of their neighbouring cell.
"she wanted to go hunting with me?" he explained.
Carol revealed a humourless smile, the kind you make when something sounds ubsurd.
"she can't do that, she's- a"
"a kid?" he finished.
"it's just not necessary for her to be out there." Carol said shaking her head as she looked down the hallway that Sophia had ran down.
He tried to hide the sting he felt from that. He knew it wasn't what carol had meant, she had meant that right now it wasn't necessary.
But he couldn't help wonder if it had ever been necessary. It had become a constant debate in his mind.
He rubbed at his arm for a moment before he pulled his crossbow from his shoulder and dropped it back inside his and Carol's cell.
"I should go after her. Talk to her." He said more quietly then he had intended.
Carol nodded with her eyes studying his face.
"I'll come with you" she said softly, rubbing his arm.
They started with the usual places. The places you go to if you were ever searching for Sophia.
They went to the library, where she sometimes spent her time, especially if she wanted to be alone.
They then went to the pig pens where she often helped Carl tend to the quickly growing piglets. They stopped by the space that had been reserved for Hershel to grow his crops. The old man was always happy to have an extra set of eager hands and Sophia was happy to offer her hands up when needed.
But when they didn't find her in any of the usual spots, they started searching anywhere and everywhere.
They went to the shower block, the supplies closet, weapon storage, dining area, they checked every common area they could and along the way they questioned everyone they passed, asking them if they had happened to see Sophia in their travels, but it seemed that no one had.
They began searching the grounds and he was sure that Carols heart was pounding just like his was right now.
As he scanned the open field he quickly started to panic.
In hindsight, he should have known that the day was going to turn out like it had.
When he looked back at the events that had happened over the passed few days, he could see them now for what they were. It was like a countdown and he hadn't even seen it coming. He had been too wrapped up in his own internal battles to see that she had been struggling.
Carl had told Carol, that Sophia had been picked on by some of the other children that occupied the prison. When he had questioned Sophia about it, she had promised him that she didn't care what those children thought. She had been so convincing, that he hadn't pushed her on it. Truthfully, he hadn't given it much thought at all.
Then there was Ed.
His mere existence on this earth was a problem for Sophia. More then once he had seen her staring at Ed. Her hard eyes locked on him and she would watch him the same way she did an animal she was planning on killing.
She had been withdrawn more then usual. She had been anxious and irritable. But he had figured she was simply trying to adjust, only now he wasn't so sure that adjusting to this new life was her plan at all.
"I don't see her. Do you see her?" Carol asked frantically as she turned herself around in a circle.
There was only one thought that came to his mind, and that was Ed. Ed who had been far to quiet since their return. Ed who had seemingly decided that losing his family wasn't anything he needed to worry himself with anymore.
He was going to go and find him. He was going to rip him to pieces if he had so much as even spoken to his kid. He was going to do a lot of things... until he spotted something in the woods, making it's way toward the prison.
"that little shit" he growled, catching Carols attention.
"What? What do you-"
Carols questioning quickly ended as she saw the sight of her daughter sprinting towards the fence.
For a few seconds, he knew Carol was to stunned to speak. It wasn't until Sophia stopped her sprint and pulled out her machete. It was then, as the walker approached Sophia, that Carol let out a gasp and took two quick steps forward. Her mouth was parted, ready to scream, until he grabbed her waist and pulled her back to him.
"Don't distract her. It's just one." He said quickly.
Carol choked back her words, but he could feel her whole body tense in those few seconds that it took Sophia to kill the walker.
He clenched his jaw and shook his head as Sophia finally made it to the fence and quickly climbed it.
It was then that he let go of Carol and both of them began charging towards Sophia.
He expected an apologetic expression, or for her to start explaining herself. But neither happened.
"What were you doing out there"
"I just wanted to-"
In the few words she had managed to get out, he had become even more furious. Her casual tone and the fact that she didn't seem in the least bit sorry was enoughtodrivehim crazy.
"What the hell are you thinking? There's walkers-" He snapped.
Before he could finish, her shoulders stiffened and her eyes grew narrow.
"Walkers? Are you serious?" Sophia suddenly yelled.
He'd never known anyone to look so angry and so incredibly distressed all at once and in a matter of seconds.
"We were out there. Do you even remember that?"
"You think I forgot?" he growled, not meaning the words to come out as harshly as they had.
"I'm good at this. That's what you said" Sophia said through clenched teeth, as her face grew red and tears puddled in her eyes.
He nodded. "You are, but you can't just-"
"Can't? Can't what?" She yelled, loosing what small grip she had left on her anger.
She turned then, taking two quick steps towards the fence. In a single moment she quickly revealed her knife, then before he even had a second to register what was happening the blade flew from her hand.
It was a nearly impossible shot. Something even he would have had trouble with. But Sophia, who had clearly been practising, landed it.
The grip was on one side of the fence, while the blade, wedged through the wire had pierced through the eye socket of a walker.
The rotted corpse hung there and he couldn't take his eyes of it.
"can't kill walkers? Hunt? Can't protect myself? Cant do all the things you taught me to do?" she cried out as the tears fell freely.
This time when she ran off it was Carol who called out to her. It was Carol who chased after her.
He wasn't going to interfere with it.
Instead he stood there looking at the walkers that she had killed.
Daryl was obviously nervous when she walked back into the cell, he was gnawing on his thumbnail and eyeing her cautiously.
"They both sleepin?" he mumbled as he leaned forward and slowly started undoing his laces.
She hummed and made her way over to the pile of laundry that she had cleaned for Sophia, deciding to fold it before bed.
There were very few things she could find for Sophia to have. The girls clothing that had been brought back from runs were all to small for Sophia, the only things she could find for her, that would fit, were things that Carl hadn't claimed yet and he was more then happy for Sophia to take them.
He had even told her that Sophia was welcome to take anything he had in his cell,. She had told him it wasn't necessary, but Carl had pressed that offer was open if there was anything she needed.
She hadn't meant to frown at the black shirt that sported the silhouette of a wolf, she had been lost in thought. But the sound of Daryl's worried voice let her know that he had seen her expression change.
"I can get her some stuff. I can go out and get her some-…I don't know-.. some girl's clothes" He mumbled anxiously.
"She doesn't care. It's not really important, they're just clothes" she said with a shrug.
Sophia made it clear that she wasn't concerned about wearing boys clothes. Sophia had never been overly worried about fashion, but she had certainly favoured things that would be considered girly.
But it was just another thing that Sophia no longer cared for.
"She's different"
The words fell out of her mouth without much thought, but when they did, she noticed that they made Daryl's posture stiffen and she caught the flinch in his eyes.
He slipped his shoe off, dropped it onto the floor and leaned his elbows forward on his knees.
He stayed silent for a minute, staring at his hands as they wound tightly together, before he sighed and nodded. "She is"
"Stronger." She said, finishing her thought, before shaking her head at her own words.
"She always was strong. I guess she just knows it now. You can see it when you look at her now….. She's-… confident" Carol explained
Daryl looked shocked and thrown off by what she had said.
"I thought you were-" he stopped and furrowed his brow, shaking his head slightly.
"She's strong. No doubt" he agreed, watching her face closely.
"What?" Carol asked, placing the shirt she had folded back down into the pile.
"Ya not mad?" he questioned.
"Why would I be mad?"
She still didn't know what was going on with him. Why he held back or what he was hiding. But she knew with out any doubt, that it was eating him alive.
"I dunno. You seemed-..I don't know. She can take care of herself and I ain't sorry about that. But-.." he stopped looking back at his hands.
"But what Daryl?" She asked quietly, hoping to squeeze more put of him.
"I should have looked after her better..she's strong but she's-... rough. Harsh" he said as though admitting to a crime.
"Why would you say that?" she pushed again.
He laughed, low and rough, with absolutely no shred of humour behind it.
"She's unhappy Carol"
She stepped forward and crawled onto the mattress, until she was beside him. Close enough that her body was pressed against side.
But he didn't turn to look at her. Not even when she brushed his hair of his face and tucked it behind his ear.
"Its just going to take some time. But She's here Daryl. I get to hold her and.. "
He turned to look at her, his face inches from hers.
"I saw the look on ya face Carol, when she killed that walker. I ain't holdin' it against ya, but I seen it."
She chewed her lower lip for a moment and nodded.
"I'm not saying it's not a shock and it's a lot to wrap my head around,…."
She stopped, long enough to sigh and rest her chin on his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him.
"but, I like it." She finished
His brow creased as he turned his face towards hers slightly. "Yeah?"
"You taught her how to protect herself. How to survive. Makes me feel like... like no one can take her from me."
Suddenly he stiffened and she had no idea why. She didn't know what she had said to upset him, only that she had.
He pulled away and went back to taking off his shoes. Leaving her to wonder what it was going to take to get him to talk to her.
"You kept her alive Daryl. So why do you keep doing this"
"What?" He asked as though he couldn't feel the wall between them.
"You keep acting like it wasn't good enough. Like everything you did for her wasn't enough."
"You know that takin' care of someone is about more then just keepin' em alive"
He said, twisting his hands together again.
"I do. But I feel like your talking about something specific"
"I'm talking about lot's of shit. Things happened that shouldn't have happened"
"Like what?" She asked, wishing her voice hadn't shaken the way it had.
"Can we drop this?" he pleaded
"Talk to me. Don't shut me out. Remember what we promised back at the camp? You said you'd talk to me."
He looked back at her, over his shoulder. Meeting her eyes with his.
She knew then that he was both desperate to stop this conversation and yearning to continue it.
"I can't." He said softly, shaking his head.