Chapter 49
He hadn't even taken ten steps onto the prison grounds when Tyreese told him that Carol was looking for him.
Less then 2 minutes after that, Rick relayed the same information.
So when he passed Herschel and noticed the old man's eyes widen, he nodded his head before the man had a chance to waste his breath.
"Carol's lookin' for me. I know" he said quickly, as he passed by the kitchen to leave the carcasses of the few rabbits he had managed to snatch up.
They would take care of them for him. They would skin them, slice the meat and prepare them. But no matter how much effort they put into it, he knew they would do a shitty job in comparison to Sophia. And they would continue to ignore the kid when she offered to help.
He looked around him and saw no sight of Carol, so he guessed she was in the cell block with the baby. He knew that's where he needed to go, she was looking for him because she wanted to talk to him and he had a good idea what she wanted to talk about. And maybe that's why instead of going into the cellblock he wondered off in the opposite direction.
The far cellblock wasn't occupied. There was damage to one of the walls and no one felt safe falling asleep in it.
Its main use was storage, though he'd been told by Tyreese that once or twice, Rick had held prisoners there.
Daryl hadn't questioned Tyreese further on it. He didn't care what Rick had done to the people who he deemed dangerous.
Things were different now.
In a different life he would have wanted to know everything. It would had left him feeling nervous or threatened. But now he knew that Rick would have simply been doing what he felt needed to be done.
He sat in the dirt, his back against the wall of the empty cell block, watching Sophia from a far.
She wasn't doing anything exciting. Just weeding a garden bed with Carl. From what he could tell they weren't talking while they worked, they weren't playing or messing about. They just worked alongside each other quietly.
They ignored the children who ran by them, kicking a ball between them. They ignored the laughter, from the group of girls who were drawing on the concrete with chalk.
It seemed like so long ago that he watched them both playing in the field by that camp-site. He remembered how small and fragile they looked.
They didn't look that way now.
Now their shoulders looked stiff and their eyes looked tight. They were focused on their own thoughts, they were trapped in the memories of all the things they had seen.
"Sorry."
He looked up, just as Glenn took his final step.
"I didn't know anyone was back here" he finished.
Daryl shrugged and dropped his eyes to his hands seeing the streaks of blood and dirt that had been left there from the rabbits.
Glenn didn't wait for an invitation, perhaps because he knew Daryl wasn't going to offer one. But at the same time, he didn't mind too much when Glenn took a seat beside him.
He pulled a rag from his pocket and doused it with water and began slowly wiping the crimson streaks from his hands.
"Who you hidin' from?" Daryl questioned.
Glenn let out a humourless laugh but kept his eyes forward, focusing on the few walkers that stumbled behind the fence.
"Everyone" Glenn admitted as he relaxed further into the wall behind him.
Daryl didn't like too many of the people at the prison. He didn't take the time to get to know them or ask them questions. But it felt different with Rick and Glenn. He knew them, he knew what they had done for his family. He knew that they had done things for Carol and Hayes that he would never hear about. Because it didn't always have to be some heroic act. It didn't have to be as big as saving someone's life. You didny have to take on an army to save someone's life. He knew, that you could save people, simply by being there when they needed you.
And that's why he gave a shit about Glenn right now.
"Everything alright?"
Again Glenn laughed, but there was no humour behind the sound.
"I guess it depends who you talk to. If you ask Hershel, he'd tell you it's a blessing. Beth would tell you it's exciting. And Maggie..." he stopped in his ramblings and shook his head.
"She pregnant?" Daryl questioned.
Glenn nodded and looked over at him, shaking his head once more. He opened his mouth, but quickly closed it again, swallowing down whatever he was going to say.
"She seems strong. Smart." Daryl offered.
Glenn's eyes fell on Daryl's and he shrugged. "Does it matter?"
Daryl sat on Glenn's words for a minute. In truth he had to agree with Glenn. You could be the smartest and strongest person around, it doesn't mean you'll survive.
"You thinking about Lori?" he questioned, because it was the obvious question to ask.
Glenn nodded. "I'm thinking about Lori" he said, before throwing his hands up.
"I think about Rick... I think about Carol...and I think about you"
Glenn grew quite for a moment and when he spoke again, his voice was barely a whisper. "I think about the camp-site, before the walkers-... about how we thought everything was going to be ok"
Daryl chewed his lower lip and looked back over to Sophia. "things don't always go as planned" he admitted.
"I can take care of myself. I can survive. " Glenn said, tightening his jaw. "but when you have a kid...that's not enough is it? You've gotta be able to do more then that."
With his eyes still caught on Sophia, he chewed his lower lip and flinched at the memories that suddenly flooded his mind. "You do" he agreed.
He didn't have much advice for Glenn. He didn't have the answers to Glenn's questions or the magic words to take his fear away.
He stood up and shoved the rag back into his pocket.
"You'd be surprised what your capable of... how far you'd go."
Glenn's shook his head, "I don't think I could-"
"You can" Daryl said, firmly. "You'll just get it done. Because that's what you gotta do."
That's was all he had to offer. That was all he knew to be true.
Carol turned as he pulled back the curtain and the relief in her eyes was visible.
"I was looking for you" she breathed out as she stepped forward.
"So I heard" Daryl said, as he forced a smile as he stepped into the cell.
He froze as she got close to him, he didn't know what he was expecting from her, but he hadn't been expecting her cool hands to brace his cheeks and bring his mouth to hers. The kiss was brief and somewhat strained but he had still savoured it, because a part of him wondered how much longer he'd be given them.
She sat down on the bed and he followed her lead and took a seat at the opposite end.
There was a long silence, before the discomfort became to much for him to sit in.
"What did she tell you?" he asked as he rung his hands tightly together.
"How do you know that she told me anything?"
Daryl didn't answer. He didn't tell Carol that the night before, when he was telling Sophia goodnight, that he could practically hear it in her voice, he could see it in her eyes. The guilt was drowning her.
When he left the prison in the morning, he left knowing that when he returned, everything would be different.
He looked up at her. He stared at her for moment and there must have been something in his expression, because it caused Carol to sigh. It caused her shoulders to relax and her face to soften.
"She told me what happened to Daphne, she told me how she died"
"it wasn't her fault. I left her." Daryl said quickly and far to defensively.
Carols brow raised as he spoke, before suddenly twisting into a crease. "Fault? You think I'm looking for someone to blame, Daryl"
He instantly felt annoyed with her. Frustrated beyond belief with her.
Like a fire had suddenly ignited in his chest and her acceptance only added fuel to the flames.
He growled and ran a hand roughly over his face. "Why cant you just-"
"Get mad at you?" Carol snapped before he could continue. "Punish you? What Daryl? What do you want from me." She asked quickly.
"She had to kill someone because I fucked up. How can you just accept that?" he snapped as he rose to his feet.
She quickly mirrored him. Rising up and taking a step towards him. "Because I know you were trying to do the right thing. You didn't know it was going to happen"
"the right thing?" he questioned, folding his arms.
He didn't know if it was intentionally or not, but she was blocking the door. Her feet looked as though they were strongly planted into the concrete, like it would take force to move her. Force, that she knew, he would never use.
"You were getting a car for Daphne" she said firmly.
He let out a laugh as he shook his head. "Yeah. That's right. I was getting Daphne a car." He confirmed, with far to much bitterness lingering in his tone.
Carol suck back a breath and tilted her head slightly to the side "Sophia said that-"
"She grabbed her once. Did she tell you about that?"
The confusion that appeared on her face was unmistakable. But even though she wasn't entirely sure what he was talking about he could already see it in her eyes, a particular kind of preparation.
"What are you talking about?"
"Daphne grabbed Sophia by the arm and yanked her back. She hurt her. Scared her." He told Carol, emphasising all the right words to make sure they hit her hard.
She was left speechless from the confession and though he knew he should probably leave it at that, but he couldn't seem to shut his mouth.
"Another time she flat out called her stupid. She made her cry" he said as he took a step closer to her and lowered his head. "She called her weak. Slow. She made Sophia feel like she was useless"
He saw it then. Her tightened jaw, her balled fists. The hard look in her eyes. There was no compassion or understanding left in her.
"that's who I left your daughter alone with, Carol." He told her, with his voice low and rough. "That's who I tried to help."
He took the opportunity then to step around her and noticed that she didn't make a single attempt to stop him.
"You still think I did the right thing, Carol?"
He didn't wait for her to take it in. He didn't wait for her to search for some way to let him off the hook. No, he walked out on her, again. He left her with all he had just told her, he left her to accept the first, of many of mistakes, that he had made.
She didn't call after him or chase him down, like she usually did. And that left him feeling vindicated.
And he knew then that she was right. Not only did he want her to see things the same way that he did. That wasn't enough for him. What he wanted was for her to hate him.