Title: Finding Ulysses
Author: Peachykin
Rating: YTEEN for now will go ADULT
Pairing: Mi/L
Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell. Unfortunately Katims did and now we're all just cleaning up his mess.
Chapter 14
Liz was the first to wake the next morning, feeling a slight chill around her legs. She reached for the quilt that Michael and Lexi had kicked off in the wee hours of the morning, both unaccustomed to their current sleeping arrangements. Lexi, because of the warmer winters of the bayou, and Michael unused to wearing to pyjamas to bed.
Liz reveled in her early awakening, surveying the inseparable duo next to her. Both Lexi and Michael lay on their sides facing one another, Lexi curled up in little ball practically burying her face into her uncle's neck. Their hair fell in soft, if not messy, light brown waves around them and Michael draped his arm, protectively over her little body, while she rested one of her palms over his heart in a silent, innocent gesture of possession.
The night before, after Liz had escorted Max out of the apartment and he'd made his uncomfortable declaration, Liz entered the room she shared with Michael, worrying her bottom lip. She looked up to their bed and found Lexi fast asleep in the middle still wearing her street clothes and Michael sitting at the edge of the bed, staring in blatant bewilderment at the tiny nightgown Isabel had given him to put on Lexi.
"Uh...Liz?" he whispered scratching his eyebrow, "How do we...uh... put this on her without waking her up?"
Liz immediately forgot her anxiety of a few minutes earlier and giggled at Michael's predicament as she approached him, taking the tiny red nightgown out of his large hands, "One thing you need to know about Lexi is that she can sleep through just about anything, especially after having such an exciting day."
"You sure?" Michael asked skeptically, having only rarely experienced such a deep sleep in either of his lifetimes.
Liz kissed his cheek before crawling over the bed to her niece sitting the girl up gently and delicately removing her shirt. Michael sucked in a slight breath when Lexi mumbled sleepily as Liz pulled the pyjamas over the little girl's messy curls. Liz smiled at him watching him relax when Lexi didn't open her eyes and fell back against her pillow laying limply on top of the blankets as her aunt pulled off her jeans and handed them to Michael to neatly fold and place on the armchair.
Liz pulled the quilt over Lexi's legs and got up to retrieve one of Michael's old T-shirts out of his drawer for herself to wear. Michael caught on, but his brow once again furrowed.
"Do I even own pyjamas, Liz?" He asked his girlfriend as she shed her clothes.
Liz smiled, shaking her head handing him his sweats, "Just wear these for tonight."
Michel nodded retreating into the bathroom to change on the off chance Lexi would wake up. When he returned a few minutes later Liz was already in bed nestled next to Lexi under the quilt, running her fingers through the tot's hair and tear slipping down her cheek.
Michael climbed onto his side of bed, leaning over Lexi to give Liz a delicate kiss, "Did Max say something to upse..." he asked when he pulled away.
Liz shook her head, "I can handle, Max. I just didn't realize how much I'd missed Lexi until now."
"Regrets?" Michael asked, slight worry and guilt tinging his voice.
"Only that I had to miss out on so much with her, but I wouldn't change where it brought me." She answered him.
Michael nodded sharing the same feeling with Liz. He sighed as they lay against the pillow, their hands laced together over Lexi's tummy, "Tomorrow is gonna be rough...with Max isn't it?"
"Yeah." Liz breathed, "But I'll make it. I just don't know how many ways I can tell him our marriage is over, before he really believes it."
"You believe it don't you?" Michael asked, already knowing the answer before she nodded, "Then the rest is up to him, Liz." He added, "You can't control his heart."
Liz rolled her eyes and gave Michael a crooked smile, "And they call Max the control freak..."
Michael was about to comment when Lexi shifted beneath her their hands scooting herself into Michael's body. His eyes widened a bit over at Liz, unfamiliar with having something so tiny sleep so close to him.
"I'm gonna crush her." He whispered to Liz in a mild panic.
Liz shook her head, "No you won't. You're the protector, remember?" she teased.
Michael looked at her skeptically, but relaxed when Lexi, still in her slumber brought her hand up to curl a lock of his hair in her fingers, mumbling, "My Unca.".
Not another word had been exchanged between Michael and Liz as moments later they both fell into a slumber, unusually at ease having a new body in their bed with them.
Now, as the morning light crept across the hardwood floors, Liz saw Lexi turn in her uncle's arms and flutter her eyes open to stare up at her aunt. She sat up and away from Michael staring down at him then back up at Liz, "He still sleepy?" She asked with a yawn.
Liz nodded, "Wanna let him sleep some more?"
Lexi shook her head, "Nope. Play time."She whispered with an impish giggle.
"Okay." Liz told Lexi, her tone a bit warning, "But remember his name. He's Grumpy for a reason."
Lexi shrugged her shoulder at her aunt, "He love me."
Liz clamped a hand over her mouth stifling loud laughter at Lexi's confidence, well placed for Michael did love this little girl with a gentleness he rarely displayed.
"He tickle?" Lexi asked Liz in a loud whisper.
Liz chuckled seeing the corners of Michael's mouth fight to not turn into a smile. He'd been awake since the moment Lexi had moved in his arms, but was content to let the little girl have her fun. Liz nodded, raising an eyebrow at her, "Very ticklish."
Lexi giggled impishly and surveyed her uncle trying to guess his most ticklish spot. So much to choose from and he was a giant, so she had a lot of area to cover and didn't know where to begin. She looked back at Liz, hoping her aunt could give her the inside track.
Now Liz could hardly give away Michael's most ticklish spot, that area was reserved for only aunt's and uncle's without niece's in the room, and usually led to things that would put them at the top of Santa's naughty list, but she could go for spot number two and three. "I ususal get a pretty good reaction from his tummy and his ribs." She told her niece.
Lexi nearly squealed at the information, but tamped it down not wanting to wake her slumbering uncle before she had any fun. Armed with her aunt's traitorous information she crept her way closer and reached out her tiny fingers, wiggling them lightly over Michael's belly button. She nearly jumped out of her skin and back into Liz as he immediately brought his hand up to brush away the tickling presence, grumbling softly before settling back into feigned sleep.
Liz nearly fell over with laughter at the devilish glint in her niece's eyes, reminiscent of Kyle when he was playing practical jokes on his best friend. Lexi scooted forward again, this time tickling Michael's ribs. Liz watched Michael, unable to contain the smile on his face, and then grumbled more loudly sending Lexi scrambling back into her aunt's lap.
When Lexi was certain Michael had fallen back asleep she looked back up at her aunt and Liz made a gesture to his armpits. Lexi scrunched up her nose, trying to push down the giggles that were tickling her throat. She foolishly took her eyes away from Michael's arms to watch his face as she wiggled her fingers toward him.
Just as her fingertips reached his skin Michael's eyes flew open and he gathered the surprised toddler in her arms growling comically and tickling her tummy with one of his large hands. Lexi squealed, laughed and, writhed in her punishment. Tears of laughter streamed down Liz's face at Lexi's hearty laugh, wondering how such a small thing could hold that much joy inside her.
"You no sleep, Unca!" Lexi giggled when Michael stopped, folding his arms over his chest in an effort to look grumpy, when he could barely contain his own laughter, Lexi's far too contagious.
"Hard to sleep when I've got a little bug crawling all over me." He grumbled.
Lexi held her sides, "Auntie helped!"
Liz's eyes widened as Michael shifted his gaze up to her and raised an amused eyebrow, "Lexi James! You sold me out!" she said, in mock shock.
Michael leaned down, whispering loudly to the now seated child, "You know...Auntie is ticklish...And she's gotta pay the piper too."
Lexi mimicked her uncle folding her arms across her chest, "Dat's right. Pay da piper, Auntie." She said with confidence, although having no idea what her uncle meant.
Liz backed off the bed slowly as Michael wiggled his fingers at Lexi, letting her know exactly wheat he intended to do her auntie, "Now... Michael...You can't blame me... I was sucked in by Lexi's cuteness... Can you really say no to her?"
Michael was unfazed as he rose from the bed helping Lexi down as well. Liz nearly doubled over at the hunter-like expression on both of their faces, looking much like a lion teaching a cub how to stalk her prey. Liz backed away reaching for the doorknob as Michael and Lexi made their way around the bed, the same devilish glint in their eyes.
"Lexi.." Liz reasoned, "Remember, your mommy and daddy are sleeping..."
"Dey need wake up." The little imp argued.
Liz's shoulder's sagged turning the doorknob behind her and her eyes fell to Michael, "And if you want me to make breakfast..."
"I'm a better cook." Michael interrupted he and Lexi seemingly inching toward her in a tandem.
Liz narrowed her eyes at him, momentarily forgetting her advancing tickle attackers, "You should really be nicer to me.." She tired to argue, "I still have both of your Christmas presents!"
Liz swung the door open quickly as they all broke into a run heading for the kitchen. Liz screamed and laughed as they cornered her against the cabinets and Lexi could barely tickle her aunt for her own laughter. Michael was able to hold his focus concentrating on Liz's ribs as she squirmed against him.
"Michael!" Liz giggled, "Lexi will never get her birthday presents if you keep...ahhh!...tickling me."
Lexi's eyes widened and she stopped laughing, "Christmas...and birfday presents?"
Liz tried to nod, but Michael's relentless tickling barely afforded her a coherent movement. Lexi furrowed her brow in thought and then a moment later started pulling on Michael's arm. "Stop Unca! Stop! Auntie had nuff!"
Michael stopped, glaring down at Liz, "Bribery? That's low, Elizabeth."
Liz leaned up on her tiptoes dropping a kiss on Michael's lips, "But effective." She downcast her eyes at Lexi, who was tugging at her uncle's sweats, a pleading look plastered on her face.
Michael relented, releasing Liz from his grasp and went down to the hall closet to retrieve one of Lexi's birthday presents. Liz started the coffee and set about fixing breakfast, despite Michael's earlier comment about being the better cook. Lexi and Michael sat at the dining room table and she tore into the box. It was a child's board game, Memory.
"Oh we have dis at day care!" she squealed at Michael, "I very good!"
"Prove it." Michael told her in challenge, beyond amused by the child's raised eyebrow, reminiscent of both her parents.
Liz started the coffee and padded around the kitchen fixing scrambled eggs, toast and sausage every once in while tossing her gaze over to the dining room table to watch Michael and Lexi. She shook her head as they started a new game spreading the pieces out on the table and Lexi climbed into Michael's lap, her elbows propping her head up on the table, ultimate concentration painted on their faces.
Liz nearly threw an egg at Michael when she saw him raise a hand slightly, so Lexi wouldn't see, point a finger at a particular piece on the board and it began to shake slightly. He didn't want Lexi to be disappointed if she didn't get it right, so he figured he'd help her along. Lexi saw the small piece of cardboard flutter against the table and she whipped her head around pointing a finger at Michael.
"Unca, I no learn if you cheat." she scolded.
Michael held up his hands in denial when he felt someone slap the back of his head lightly, "You tell him girlie." Kyle chuckled. "You teaching my daughter bad habits there, Grumpy?"
"Oh shut up." Isabel rolled her eyes as she followed behind her husband, "If I had a nickel for every time I've caught you helping Lexi with your powers I'd..."
"Have nuff to send me to Hav...Harvad." Lexi said finishing her mother's sentence with droll far too old for her young age, and then shrugged her shoulders looking back at Michael, "What Harvad?"
"Harvard." Michael chuckled, "Is a school for really, really smart people Lexi. Like your Aunt Liz."
Liz looked up at him from her cooking and gave a wistful smile and what might have been, but was entirely happy with where he life's path had led her.
Lexi giggled, "Den I go to Harvad. I smart." She scrunched up her nose in thought. "Do dey have nap time dere?"
After everyone got through laughing Liz passed out large mugs of coffee for everyone. Lexi stared at the a steaming mugs in the adults hands and pouted, "I want coffee too."
Liz shook her head at the little girl handing her a glass of orange juice, with a crazy straw to appease the girl, "Sorry munchkin, but I'll share some juice with ya and you won't feel so left out."
"Dat's fair." Lexi said matter-of-factly taking a sip of her juice when Liz did.
Michael laughed, "Besides Lexi, coffee stunts your growth. Just look at your dad."
"Ha.Ha. Splice Boy." Kyle said dryly then surveyed the table, "You letting Lexi open her presents early...cause if that's the case...Gimmee." he held out his hand.
Michael shook his head rising off the chair and placing Lexi back in it, "Is that how he looks when he's asking for se..." but Isabel widened her eyes at her brother... "Uh... marital relations?"
Isabel was laughing too hard to get mad and nodded, "Except usually he's on his knees with his pants around his ankles."
"Now that's appetizing." Liz commented holding a hand over her mouth in feigned nausea.
Kyle glared between his wife and Michael, "And to think I actually admitted missing you." he told Michael.
"You just missed catching glimpes of me in the shower, Midget. I mean, I can hardly blame you." Michael batted his eyelashes as he plated the finished sausage and wrapped his arms around Liz as she sipped her juice.
"Ah." Kyle sighed, "Guess it wouldn't be a proper visit without an indecent proposal from Grumpy here. I know I'm the real reason you left. I mean how many times can you hear "No" from your hearts desire and not be utterly shattered."
As if on some sort of unearthly cue the door to Michael and Liz's apartment swung open ushering in Sweet, Miriam and Max, his eyes immediately searching out Liz, immediately stiffening when he saw her residing in Michael's embrace smiling as he pulled aside her long dark hair to drop a gentle kiss on her neck.
Michael quirked an eyebrow over at Kyle, as he joined them by the stove, "Dude, you are good."
"It's cosmic." Kyle mused.
Michael felt Max's eyes on he and Liz in their gentle embrace, almost willing them to separate, but both he and Liz refused to comply. It was an unspoken pact between the two of them, they loved Max in their own ways, but it was time to stop sparing his feelings when it came to their relationship. Releasing their hold on each other, specifically to make things less uncomfortable for Max, would suggest that they felt their relationship was wrong. Not a notion either of them held.
Max's stomach clenched as he saw that Michael neither released his hold on Liz, nor did he tighten it either. They simply remained locked together in ease, despite the fact that he was sitting in front of them. How was he to seem unaffected by the gentle touches and gestures Liz gave Michael, that had only years before been delivered upon his own skin? She was letting Michael touch her like a lover. A husband. And yet Max remembered how she recoiled from his touch the night before, and he was her husband.
As much as Sweet's story of loss had touched Max, he felt there were a few major differences. Sweet had to let go, Linsey was dead. Liz was standing only a few feet away vibrant, alive...happy. It wasn't as if he was holding onto the spirit of someone who'd died, was he?
Max felt a delicate hand pat his clenched fist and he tore his eyes away from Michael and Liz, meeting Lexi's smiling, but concerned face, and relaxed immediately at her innocence and charm.
"You play wit me, Unca." she said softly, feeling his hand loosen from its balled up state. She loved her Uncle Max with all her heart, but she didn't understand why he was so tense. Mommy had once told her that when you love someone, you want them to be happy. Auntie was happy, and Uncle Max loved her, so why was he so sad, so angry?
Max nodded, taking one last glance at Michael and Liz, unwilling to acknowledge the further sinking feeling he got. That would mean he was losing. Losing her. And with his happiness still tied to the dark-haired woman in his brother's arms...losing was not yet an option.
~*~
After breakfast Kyle, Isabel, Liz and Lexi dressed for the day. Michael remained in his sweats, planning on doing some painting with Lexi, while Liz and Max had their talk.
Isabel was passing out last minute instruction to Michael regarding the care of her daughter. Lexi rolled her eyes up at her mother. She was with Grumpy, the protector. She'd never felt safer in her life. Michael glanced down at the toddler and saw her annoyance with her mother, winking at her.
When Isabel leaned down to give her daughter a kiss Michael disappeared into the hall closet again retrieving yet another one of Lexi's birthday presents. The child immediately squealed with excitement when she saw a child-sized wooden easel with a pink ribbon on top of it in Michael's hand and a package of bright finger-paints in the other
"I paint! I paint!" she chanted, stripping off her t-shirt mimicking her uncle's state of dress when he painted.
Isabel looked at Michael and sighed, "Its not even Christmas, Michael you're going to spoil her."
Michael shrugged his shoulder's trying not to double over in laughter at the topless tot, "Isn't that my job as uncle?" he asked his sister, receiving an unamused glare, "Look, I have at least two birthdays to make up for. Indulge me?"
Isabel, having rarely seen the boyish side to Michael as they grew up, immediately caved when she saw the pleading look on his face and the genuine tone behind his words. He'd regretted missing out so much on Lexi's, and her life. He knew gifts wouldn't make up for it, but his gifts gave him a chance to interact with his niece, expose her to his loves and talents. Letting her know, on her level, who her Uncle Michael really was.
"Just make sure you clean her up by the time we get home." Isabel mildly ordered, Michael chuckled and nodded.
"Fun, Mommy." Lexi said pushing her parents out the door with Sweet and Miriam, "Go have it!"
"I swear." Isabel said in mock exhaustion, "I don't know where you get your bossy streak from."
Kyle snorted, "It's a mystery mien wife."
Max, Michael and Liz caught the deathly glare Isabel shot back at Kyle and grinned as they exited the house. Lexi shook her head, "Daddy got big mouth."
"No argument here sprite." Michael told her, "But this is a pretty romantic town. I think Daddy will get off light this time."
'Mantic?" Lexi asked scrunching up he nose at the word, "Dat mean more kissin?"
Michael nodded, "Yup. Fraid so."
"Blech." she said in disgust.
Liz chuckled, "You won't say that when you're older Little Miss."
"She better." Max and Michael said in unison, not even wanting to ponder the possibility of their niece kissing boys that weren't them, in ways that weren't familial.
Liz rolled her eyes, "Great. Uncles with powers. Lexi you'll wind up a nun."
"Nun, mean no cooties?" Lexi asked earnestly.
"Definitely." Michael answered, "We want you cootie free for as long as possible. No boys."
"Michael..." Liz warned half-heartedly.
"What?" Michael asked innocently, "Us boys are nuthin' but trouble."
"He's got point." Max agreed, sensing a need to lighten the mood before the heavy discussion he was destined to have with his wife in the next few minutes.
Lexi laughed, "You not boy, Grumpy. You Unca."
"Great. I've been deemed asexual by my niece." Michael mused.
"Its just one opinion, Michael." Liz said with a wink, a low tone in her voice that let Michael know in her eyes, he was anything but asexual.
Lexi grew bored with the grown-ups conversation and took the finger-paints from Michael's hands, "Come on Grumpy. I paint. I paint!"
"Okay. Okay Mini Monet." Michael relented, and then approached Liz, looking at Max just behind her, "I don't have to remind you to be civil do I?" He asked in a low tone so Lexi couldn't hear.
"Of course not." Max glared.
Liz put a gentle hand on Michael's bared stomach, bringing his gaze down to her, "I'll be fine. Go entertain your niece."
Michael nodded kissing her forehead and muttering, "Asexual and a child's plaything. She owns me, doesn't she?"
"You love it." Liz smiled glancing down at the impatient, fidgeting child.
"Yeah. I kinda do." he admitted, dropping a small kiss on Liz's lips before Lexi tugged on his arm.
"Ugh! You too Unca? Too much kissin'!" she griped as they disappeared into the studio.
"Can't argue with her there." Max muttered. Liz ignored the comment and moved to sit on the couch.
Max was about to join her when his eyes caught the Dangerous painting, "Uh... Liz? Do you think we can talk in the dining room... I just..."
Liz followed his gaze and nodded. Yes, Max needed to realize that she and Michael were indeed together, but their was no need to assault him with it. She rose off the couch and Max followed her into the dining seating them selves next to one another.
Silence hung in the air as neither Max nor Liz knew how to begin the conversation. It was clear that Max had a plethora of things to say or ask, but seemed to crowd his mind and he didn't know what to ask first. Uncomfortable with the silence Max stood up pacing slightly.
"I've thought about all the things I've wanted to say to you since you left... or what you might say to me... and I can't..."
"So keep it simple, Max." Liz provided, Michael's philosophy on life seeping into her own.
Max stopped pacing seating himself again next to her and stared at his hands. Another minute passed before he looked up at her, "Come. Home." he said plainly. "Please..." he added in afterthought.
Liz tightened her lips against teeth, "I. Am. Home."
"How can you be married to me, and call living here..." he gestured at the apartment she shared with Michael, "'home?'"
"I'm not married to you, Max..." Liz protested, but was quickly cut off.
"Really. Because I got a minister and a piece of paper that says you are. Hell, Michael was my best man. Even he'll admit you're..."
"And you wonder why I won't come back with you?" Liz raised her voice, trying desperately to be heard. "I can't get a word in edgewise and you make everything so God damn literal Max!"
Max watched the frustration play out of Liz's face. This was starting all wrong. She was already on the defensive and pulling away from any sort of openness they might share. If he had any hope of understanding her he needed to be prepared to hear some harsh things and swallow them no matter how much it hurt to do so. He nodded at her to continue, watching her take a breath to maintain her composure.
"Yes, I'm married to you, but in name only. I thought I could get through the bad times as long as I loved you, but Max that wasn't enough. I always believed love would be enough and its just not." she said with conviction, knowing the words might tear apart the man before her.
"You still love me?" Max asked, unable to hide the love in his voice.
Liz nodded, but put her hand up before Max could spew out his plans for their future, "But not like you want me to. What we had, its gone. It died with the old me."
"Don't say that, Liz. You aren't dead. You're right here with me." Max argued, bringing his hand up to cup her cheek, "I look in your eyes and I still see you." Liz turned her face away and stood up away from Max's touch. Tears pricked his eyes, "Can you really not stand to be touched by me?"
Liz sighed, "You don't get to touch me like that anymore, Max."
Max clenched his jaw, "Like what? Like a husband?" Upon Liz's nod, Max looked away from her, " And Michael does?"
"Yes, Max, he does." she answered plainly, "I love him. Don't tell me you don't see it."
"See what?" Max asked, standing up quickly, causing Liz to jump slightly. Max winced, it was almost as she was afraid of him, "I see... infatuation. I saw it when he left five years ago. No one thinks I paid attention when you started listening to Metallica, watching hockey, or even wearing that damn coat he left behind. I figured it was your way of coping with the loss of yet another friend. Alex was dead. Maria left. Michael filled the hole in your heart until he left. I never mistook it for anything more than it was. A desperate need to cling to the life you left behind. Michael's was a part of that.
"And when you found him... you acted on that infatuation. It hurts, but its not unforgivable. You want to hurt me for Tess. I mean, I thought you were over that, but coming here, I see that you aren't."
"Infatuation?" Liz balked, "You realize you're making my case for me? Heaven forbid I should have an original thought or feeling that didn't have your kingly stamp of approval! You really feel me incapable of loving anyone more than I loved you?" she growled, incensed that Max was whittling down her feelings, her love for Michael to something as immature and small as infatuation.
"And as for Tess, I put that behind me before I married you. Whatever feelings of deceit I felt over you sleeping with her, creating a life with her... they died right along with her. They had to or I never would have married you in the first place. So, you don't get to place the blame on Tess. A dead woman controls nothing I feel, and she can't be a scapegoat for our problems. "Infatuation." she nearly laughed.
Max had all the evidence in the world around him of Michael's love for Liz. Tangible and alive in his paintings. And Liz's love for Michael, in the touches and she gave him. How was it Max had made through his life this far with blinders on? "It hasn't once cross your mind since you came here, that I might really love Michael? Or that he might love me?" she asked.
"Michael is incapable of that kind of love, Liz!" Max bellowed, more angry that she was right.
Liz's eyes widened in shock and she brought her hand up smacking him squarely across the cheek, the sting immediate and jarring. All of her anger, rage was concentrated in that act of violence and while she felt guilty for lashing out, Max's insistence that Michael's heart was something small was a cold slap to her own face.
"Michael has always been capable of that kind of love, Max." Liz seethed, though her voice barely remained above a whisper, "Why is it that you are the only one allowed to love deeply? Just because he didn't do everything the way you did, with midnight mariachis, white roses, and drunken graffiti, doesn't mean he wasn't capable. It just isn't his style. It never has been."
Max rubbed his cheek the sting of her cold glare, far more painful than the red mark on his face, "You don't mean Maria...They didn't work out."
"That doesn't mean they didn't love each other, Max. They were each other's first loves, not the final, but the first. They took separate paths, but don't for a minute think that their love was any less special than what you and I once had." Liz said willing herself to calm down, for her own sake. "She was the first person he ever really let see him, Max. That's got to count for something in your eyes."
"Michael doesn't let people in, Liz. Not completely. He never has and he never will. Its what drove Maria away." Max argued.
"Have you gone completely deaf, dumb, and blind all these years Max?" Liz asked genuinely, "You've just been standing still all these years, even before we left Roswell, while the rest of us have grown and let go of old hurts. You still see Michael as that damaged teenage boy who trusted no one, when he stopped being that boy a long time ago. Maria's love showed him that he could get hurt and still survive. That there were people out there worth trusting, worth letting in. I don't fear Michael's loving Maria, I embrace it. She opened his heart and helped me get inside."
Liz approached Max, trying to find the perfect tone or words to get him to understand or hear her words, "Lexi. Yes, she's a darling little angel, but if Michael was still that mistrusting soul he used to be, even she would have had a hard time breaking through his walls. And my God, look at how Michael is with Sweet. When have you ever known Michael to trust older men after what Hank did to him? Yet he loves that sweet old man like..."
A father." Max conceded, " I know. But that's different, Liz. That's family."
"I'm his family too." Liz countered confidently.
Max nodded, "Of course you are. We became a family unit after graduation...After you and I got married. We had to with all that time spent in such close quarters." He was willing to agree that they rag tag little group had become something of a family in those strange days, but he was far from willing to admit that the dynamics of that family had changed so drastically.
"And yet that family has fallen apart, Max. One by one, they've all left you." Liz pointed out. "First Maria. Then Michael. Me..."
"I still have Isabel...and Lexi." Max said almost desperately.
"And Kyle just sorta has to stay because of Lexi and Isabel." Liz said with biting sarcasm, but quickly returned to calm, knowing petty off hand remarks wouldn't get them anywhere, "We didn't fit the mold of what you wanted and you drove us away."
Max shook his head emphatically, "No you don't Liz! You don't get to heap all the responsibility of our marriage falling apart on me! It takes two to succeed... or fail!"
"So you admit our marriage was less than ideal!" Liz caught him, "And I know I failed Max. I own that. The difference is I knew when to let go of something that died!"
"I never said our marriage was perfect!" Max bellowed, "I knew we had our problems, but we used to talk about things, Liz! You used to come to me if something was bothering you. Instead you went to Michael!"
Liz's eyes widened. He knew about her's and Michael's rooftop chats after Maria had left? Even so, she couldn't bring herself to feel guilty about those innocent nights spent talking to Michael about everything and nothing. They were the nuggets of happiness she'd managed to find few of after Michael left. It had been the seeds of what would later become love between them, though neither of them knew it at the time.
"Michael listened to me, Max. He heard me when you stopped." Liz told him refusing to let him make more out of those chats than what they were. "He was being my friend. Nothing more. Don't cheapen it. Please."
"You're not making any sense, Liz." Max grasped, "I was...am, your husband. You're supposed to come to me with the troubles weighing on your heart..."
"You were the trouble on my heart, Max." Liz said raising her voice, "You promised me that even though we were on the run, you were going to make my dreams come true. And yet you have no idea what those dreams were...are. You stopped asking me what they were. I didn't stop talking... I just stopped telling you what you wanted to hear."
"What I wanted to hear?" Max asked bewildered.
Liz sighed heavily, "You wanted me to tell you I was happy moving from town to town, working in seedy bars to make ends meet. You wanted me to be delirious despite the fact that I didn't count the time in months, but the semesters I was missing. You wanted me to be happy with every new promotion you got, when I could barely find stimulation in any of the work I did, because it wasn't what I knew I could be doing. You wanted me to tell you that your dreams for us was enough, when they weren't and it killed me, Max.
"Didn't you see how dead I was before I left. I told you that night after Lexi's party and yet your answer to all our problems was a baby. A baby?"
"I said marriage counseling... then a baby." Max corrected, "But you didn't even try Liz. You just left. You gave up."
"Yeah Max, I did give up. But by the time you even suggested marriage counseling... we were long over. If I really thought it would have done any good Max I would have gone, but by the time I left I was in danger of losing you as my friend... of hating you for something I gave up to be with you and I couldn't do that. I can't hate you, Max."
"But you are. Being with Michael... It's the most hateful thing you can do to me. Don't you see that? You left me to find him, knowing that being with him would cut me so deep... How is that not hateful?" Max begged her to see his pain, and what her relationship with Michael was doing to him.
Liz shook her head, "I'm not in love with Michael to spite you." Liz insisted, "And I didn't go looking for Michael, though you'll never believe that. I left you to find me. To see who I wanted to be without you or your dreams for us. I really didn't know if my path would lead back to you or further away, but I had to find out." She glanced toward the studio door, smiling as she hear Lexi's high pitched giggle mixed with Michael's low chuckle, "I was on the road for a year before stumbled onto Michael. I wasn't planning it, but thank God I did. Seems he was part of the journey to me."
"Why?' Max scoffed, unable to hide the excruciating pain in his heart at Liz effectively pushing him out and replacing him with Michael. He knew his next words would be bitter, and he wasn't inclined to disguise it, "Because he's got the money to pay for your dreams?"
Liz clenched her fist in an effort not to strike Max again, making her relationship with Michael seem to be nothing more than a monetary arrangement. A means to an end. "Because he knows what my dreams are and loves me enough to let me pursue them." she answered through her teeth. "I'm not his whore, Max. And even if that is what you believe the extent of my relationship is with Michael, why the hell would you want me back?"
Max flinched at her word choice. Is that what he'd really called her with his acidic accusation, "I didn't mean that, Liz. I would never... I just miss you. I don't want to give up what we had, could still have. You used to be a fighter. Why can't you fight for us?"
"I still am a fighter, Max. I just can't fight for something that isn't there, at least for me, anymore. And I can't pretend to fight and give you false hope. Its not fair to you or me." Liz answered gently.
"Not to mention the fact that you've already moved on. Its easy for you to cut ties and walk away, isn't it?" Max spat.
Liz sat in silence for a moment, mourning the man before her. So broken and shattered by the very act she'd considered her freedom and what he considered as her abandonment of him. They were one in the same, she couldn't have had one without the other.
Liz let a tear slip down her cheek, "I've done a lot of difficult things in my lifetime, Max. But there are two that top my list. Leaving you... and letting Michael into my heart. And I couldn't have let the second one happen if I didn't do the first." She wiped away the tear only to have it replaced by another, "I wanted to be so many things for you, but I lost myself trying to be those things. I've given up so many things in my life to be with you and I was in danger of resenting you for that. I couldn't let that happen. You may not be my husband anymore, but that doesn't mean you can't be a part of my life."
Max caught the sob the threatened to tumble over his lips, "I don't know how to be anything else to you, Liz." he placed his hands on her shoulders, feeling her stiffen, but not pull away, "I'll do whatever takes to be that to you. I see what you want now and I can try harder to give that to you, if you'd just give me a chance."
Liz brought her hands up to remove Max's from her shoulders and bit her lip, "You aren't what I want, Max." she said watching the pain consume his face, "Not that way. Not anymore."
"Don't tell me its too late, Liz. Please. I'll do anything." he ran a hand through his hair mussing it, "I shouldn't have pressured you into having kids. You don't want them... I see that now. And if it means you come home, I'll give up that dream. As long as we have each other..."
"Max... I never said I didn't want..." Liz said growing exasperated. It was just as she'd feared. He was so set in his belief of what had gone wrong and that their marriage could be fixed, that he refused to see the ashes of it at his feet.. "I am begging you, Max... please hear me. I am home. My home is with Michael now. I love him. I love our life, but I need you to let me go."
"You're asking too much from me, Liz..." Max said weakly. "Everything I am is devoted to you. If I give you up...I already gave up my son... please... I'll have nothing left."
"Then there's nothing left to talk about." Liz said mournfully. She'd tried, but Max still refused to see the truth, or at the very least refused to acknowledge it for the pain it must bring him, "You aren't going to sign those papers are you?"
Max shook his head numbly, "I can't. I'm sorry. I know there's something in you that still loves me..."
Liz felt the suffocation in the room that had made her leave him over a year earlier. She was struggling to breath inside and with nothing left to say to him, needed air, feeling the need to retreat. She turned to the kitchen's bar and grabbed her purse off the counter heading for the door. Maybe she could catch up with Isabel, Kyle, Sweet and Miriam. Michael and Lexi would be okay without her for a few hours. Michael would understand and she took so much comfort in that faith.
"Walking away again?" Max asked.
"I don't know what else to do when it comes to you, Max." she answered him placing her hand on the door. She turned back to him, her lips drawn in a tight line across her teeth, "I don't need your permission to be with Michael. You don't have to like it, but its what's happened. I don't need you to sign those divorce papers to be with him. I need you to sign them to give yourself some closure. The world goes on whether you want it to or not.."
She opened the door taking one step outside, before stepping back in for a moment, her dark brown eyes shimmering with unshed tears, "I have to stop being your world, Max."
Max opened his mouth to respond finding no words to counter Liz's and watched her disappear out the door, once again stepping out of his life with what he saw as gentle ease.
Few minutes later, having heard the front door close, Michael emerged from the studio with a technicolor Lexi in tow. He saw Max leaning over the dining room table his head hung in agony. The smile on Lexi's face disappeared as she felt her Uncle Max's choking sadness and she reached out gripping Michael's leg for comfort. She'd seen her Uncle Max sad before, but never so much so that it made her want to cry.
Michael ran an absent hand through Lexi's hair in an unconscious effort to soothe the child. He cleared his throat getting Max's attention without startling the shattered man.
"Where's Auntie?" Lexi asked softly, watching Max wipe the tears off his face roughly.
"Um... out... I uh...we..." Max stammered.
"She probably just wanted to catch up with your mom and dad." Michael covered. "Sweet's tours are legendary." Michael knew Liz was upset, a conversation with Max of this magnitude was bound to be emotionally draining and that she needed to get away. Take the stifling tension out of the house. They's talk later, like they always did. His heart broke a bit for his brother with the knowledge that he, Michael, could let Liz go and know she'd come back home to him whereas Max no longer had that luxury.
"Okay." Lexi nodded, believing wholly in Grumpy's explanation.
Michael watched Max, shuffle from foot to foot, seemingly restless and confined. His head snapped away quickly from the Dangerous painting a new dam of tears building in his eyes.
Max was going to snap if he didn't get out of what had become something of a shrine of the love that Michael and Liz had built. The bottom was approaching hard and fast for Max. Sometimes Michael hated to be right.
"Hey Lex." Michael said kneeling down to chat with his niece, "How would you like to go to the park with me and your Uncle Max? Jungle gym, monkey bars, swings... all in December."
Lexi smiled brightly, nodding almost violently, but then looked down at her painted skin and stained jeans, "But Mommy have fit if I go like dis."
Michael smiled, "Well Auntie would kill me if I went out looking like this. So, we'll get cleaned up and go, okay?"
Michael looked over at Max, who almost seemed to breath a sigh of relief and watched him nod along with his idea. Michael was unsure if or what there was left to say to one another, but whatever it was had to be now and they needed to distract Lexi in the process.
~*~
Forty-five minutes later Michael and Max were seated on the park bench at the edge of the play ground, watching Lexi climb through tunnels and whisk herself down slides, squealing with glee at the rush. The walk to the park had been silent, with Lexi latching herself onto both men's hands, howling excitedly when they'd swing her in the air.
"I'm not going to apologize for being with Liz." Michael finally said, staring straight ahead at Lexi, waving to her and smiling as she ran across the miniature wooden bridge.
"I don't expect you to." Max conceded, a bit to Michael's surprise, and then let out a small chuckle, "Truth is I'm not even mad at you. I mean, at first I was, but now... I can't blame you for loving her. Now you see why I did."
Michael sighed, "No. I don't, Max. You loved a different Liz. I love this one. They are different people. The Liz who married you... we never would have worked. I never gave her a second thought."
"But you did." Max argued lightly. "Otherwise you wouldn't be with her now."
Michael ran a hand through his hair, trying to find words. It was so much easier when he could paint how he felt. Michael was far more intelligent than most people gave him credit, but even he admitted words tended to abandon him.
"The woman who walked into my... our bar in July... That wasn't the girl I left behind. I admit, that part of me felt something for her all those years ago. I think it was part of the reason I left. I couldn't watch someone with her potential for... I couldn't watch her waste away trying to please you because of the vows you took, when it was clear she'd already begun to lose faith in them."
"And who was it that walked into your bar in July?" Max asked genuinely curious, "She seems like the same woman to me."
"To be fair Max, you haven't really been around Liz that much since you got here." Michael pointed out.
Max shook his head, "She won't let me get near her. How can I if she won't let me be..."
"That's because you want to be close to her like you were, Max. Like her husband. And if that's the case, she's not the only one with a problem with it." Michael answered plainly, his voice even, but full of warning.
"Playing the jealous boyfriend now?" Max quipped.
"Protective." Michael corrected curtly, "Jealousy might suggest I'm worried that you might actually get her back."
"Why aren't you?" Max asked, a bit taken aback by Michael's unwavering confidence in his relationship with Liz.
"Because of the woman found Ulysses." Michael stated simply. Seeing the confusion etched on Max's face he sat forward on his elbows to explain, "You want to know why Liz is so different from when she left you? Here? Now? She's happy. I left five years ago, Max and even then she was unhappy, but when she walked into the bar...Damn...she smiled. When is the last time you saw her do that with you before she left?"
Max looked away, unable to answer Michael, because he couldn't remember himself. All he knew was that the first time he saw Liz smile in their time apart, that smile was aimed at Michael. "At least that much about her hasn't changed."
"Finally something I can agree with you on." Michael nodded with smirk and then watched Lexi help dust off another toddler who'd fallen in the gravel. "She gave up a lot to be with you, Man... and to be honest I just don't think you made it worth it. Maybe she expected too much from you too... I don't really know.
"I just know that in once she got shot, her life was not her own anymore. She started living for everyone else. Making sure we all stayed safe and happy. But once things settled down...after we ran. I think reality hit Liz and she regretted some of the sacrifices she made for you. Whatever she did in that year between leaving you and stumbling across me, she found herself. She lives for herself."
"And you." Max added.
"No she doesn't Max." Michael countered quickly, " I'm a part of her life. A big part. But I'm not her world. I don't need to be. That's the difference between you and I, Maxwell, and ultimately its one of the reasons, she'll stay with me."
"Enlighten me." Max waved him on.
"You need her too much. I just want her."Michael stated, "It'd kill me if Liz left me. Believe me I understand what you must be feeling, but the difference between you and I is that I know I would go on living when the sun came up the next day. And while I'd miss the hell out of her, I'd continue to live. I want Liz in my life, but I can't and won't demand that she be. That's too much dependance on one soul, Max. Even on one as strong as Liz's. Simply put. I love her enough to give Liz her space, let go if I had to. Can you say that?"
Max clenched his jaw, Michael's words seemingly echoing Liz's only a few hours earlier. It seemed Michael truly did know this woman's heart, for she was now a mystery to Max. An enigma, one he wasn't sure he should be searching for anymore. One he was not meant to know on an intimate level, for she was Michael's.
"She really wants me to sign those papers." Max stated, beginning something of a fishing expedition.
"Yeah she does." Michael answered. Even after five years he could still read his brother like a book. He knew what Max was getting at. "But whether you do or not it won't affect my relationship with her."
"You mean you don't want to marry her?" Max asked, confused.
Michael smiled, chuckling softly, "I'd marry Liz tomorrow if that's what she wanted. She knows that, but we're happy with the way things are right now. We don't need a piece of paper to tell us how we feel or what we mean to each other. She's my family."
"Seems that family has grown a lot since you left." Max said, biting back his tears. Holding onto that marriage license was nearly his last physical vestige of his love with Liz and to she and Michael, it wasn't obstacle enough to part. "Sweet. Miriam..."
"Yeah, now Liz." Michael pointed out, realizing how right it all sounded. He had a family. Small, but full of love.
They both sat in companionable silence, having said what needed to be. Michael felt for the first time in a long time, Max was really listening to him or he was at the very least doing a fair impression of it. The two men sat on the bench and watched their niece charm every child on the playground gathering them all together for game, even the bigger kids seemed enamored by the tiny girl.
Both Max and Michael felt a hand clamp down on their shoulders and they both stood bolt upright to face the person, Michael cursing himself slightly for letting anyone sneak up on him. They were meant with a panting Kyle, losing more breath from the laughter consuming his lungs.
"Dammit Kyle!" Max growled, "D-don't sneak up on us like that."
"You know just because you are the actual size of mouse doesn't mean you actually have to creep around like one." Michael added, trying to seem serious, but like Lexi, Kyle's laughter was contagious. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be on tour with Pop, Mir and oh yeah... you're wife?"
"Would be." Kyle answered catching his breath, "Should be. But said wife ordered me to find you three when Liz caught up to us at the bakery. Now, while I have complete faith in your ability to care for my daughter and hammer out the mountain of issues that you have, both being in love with Liz and all. But your sister doesn't quite hold the same belief."
Michael and Max shared a look between each other, rolling their eyes at Isabel's paranoia, "So," Kyle continued, "... under threat of cut off carnal activity, I raced my fine ass back to the bar, saw your note and came here. And now that I see that you are not only bruise, but blood free... and my child is up to her Playground Nazi antics... I'm going to sit down before I pass out."
As Kyle slumped down on the bench Michael started laughing, "You know, a simple, 'I'm my wife's whipping boy.' would have sufficed, Frodo."
Kyle glared up at his burly friend, "You know if you weren't dead right, I'd kick your ass, Bigfoot."
Lexi, having spotted her father when he slumped onto the bench quickly forgot her playground companions and made a mad dash for her favorite man, hopping up on his lap, "What doing, Daddy? Where Mommy?"
"Mommy is with Auntie, Sweet and Miriam. I am here to make sure you're uncles take care of you." Kyle explained to his little angel.
"We good." Lexi said smiling up at her uncles, "Cept..."
"Except what Lexi?" Kyle asked, watching her brow furrow in thought.
"Cept dey whisper lot. Are dey fightin'?" she asked her dad.
Kyle knew his daughter needed a simple answer and while Michael's earlier words were true, they would only add to Lexi's burgeoning curiosity. He tipped his daughter's face towards him holding her innocent eyes with his warm ones.
"See, Little Miss, Uncle Max and Uncle Grumpy are sorta in a contest." he put it in the simplest of terms.
Lexi nodded her understanding, "See who Auntie Liz wuv best."
Kyle looked between the two alien men in front of him and then back at his daughter, "Um, yeah kiddo, that's pretty much it."
Lexi paused in thought, mulling over the information her father had bestowed upon her, "Well dat's easy, Daddy. Auntie loves Grumpy best."
Kyle chuckled, but saw Max hang his head at the notion that even a small child could see the love Liz had for Michael, "You sound pretty sure about that, Sprite."
"Uh huh." Lexi stated a big grin coming over her face as she looked up at Michael, "Auntie's baby loves Grumpy best too."
~*~
TBC…