a/n: a long awaited update.

I took up Karkat's desperate plea to read the journal I had been putting off in between attending my new school.

There was a whole world I was missing out on.

Tricksters could turn you into them for the sole purpose of chaos. They wanted to spread chaos. My "kind" was very rare but we could on the surface, freeze Tricksters in their chaotic mode with our eyes and deep in myself, I could activate something called "Grimdark".

Also Dad Egbert's cake he was always making? A sort of substance that lulls you to want to become a Trickster more.

I remembered back to the time I ate some of that cake...I fell asleep too early in my room and woke up the next day confused. The smell from the cake was always sickeningly too sweet, I knew somehow in my gut that it was bad.

They could only turn you into their kind with a pumpkin.

And if I got turned into a Trickster?

I shuttered, thinking about it.

The bell rang above me, signaling to everyone that school was over. I had fled to the bathroom after sitting next to John in the last period-studyhall-and feeling my skin crawl with the implications of what he could do. He always acted so nice, and yet there was something sinister lurking beneath.

.

While reading the journal, reading all the letters, and doing boring homework, I didn't have enough time to hangout with John. I couldn't even think straight. Bro was writing to me single sentence letters. The second letter was to:

'JOHN IS A TRICKSTER, AVOID HIM AND TRY TO STAY SAFE.'

And other letters:

'Stay safe, keep hidden.'

'Stay in Washington with John, Karkat will give you the signal where to go.'

'Don't practice your red eye abilities.'

'There are other reported Tricksters in your school.'

'Karkat told me you took off your glasses in front of John. Please don't do that again and stay safe.'

Easy was never an answer anymore, my skin absolutely crawled every-time I thought about how John was my enemy and others were out there too.

I just wanted my life to be right again. Even if it involved being with trolls, who hated each other, and had this weird classism against each other, sounded a lot like humans. But they had different color blood, and something I failed to even notice about Katkat...weird orange horns.

With all this new information I was learning, it was easy to avoid John.

Until one evening I couldn't.

.

I grabbed my dinner from the kitchen, two apples, leftover chicken, and a bag of popcorn. And grabbed a bag of pretzels for later. I was stashing food like a squirrel in case I had to make a sudden run for it.

And I turned around to John blocking me in the doorway.

"I thought we were becoming closer. Like...friendship and other ways." He raised one eyebrow.

I ignored the flutter in my chest.

"Ah, well, you know," I looked him in the eye, "I have been really busy and I am the new 'cool' kid in school."

I put on a neutral expression, or tried to at least.

"Okay...that makes sense." John just nods, not breaking his unnatural eye contact.

He leaned against the doorway more, putting on a smile that was small then grew a lot larger. I moved closer to him, everything inside me screaming not to.

"Please move." I stiffened.

John did not. He instead reached out and touched my cheek, morphing his face into a soft smile. Horror rooted itself deep in my chest. Trying hard to ignore his black wavy hair, his bubblegum cologne, his nice ocean eyes, and his light blue shirt.

It took everything in me not to flinch away from him.

He took the plate and food from my hand, setting it on the counter, and enveloped me in a hug. I couldn't help but stiffen and give a small gasp. I tried to ignore his fresh linen scent, his warm body, or the slight scent of sweet cake lingering on him.

We parted and I grabbed my food quickly from the counter.

"See you later dude." I coughed out.

"No homo!" He called after me.

"Same!" I said, racing up the stairs.

After that happened, I was packing my stuff into the suitcase I arrived to the Egbert's house in.

A swell in my chest was one of horror...and the fact that I liked John. Trickster or not, I had caught some feelings for my friend. I wasn't sure if John knew or not but I knew that I needed to get out of here faster.

.

After two weeks of going to a new school, I had read most of the Journal. Learned a lot, too much, about the Alternian species. I still had an uneasy feeling about John after that hug, now molding my schedule to avoid him in the house even.

One evening I came home from shitty high school to a lot of boxes on the front step. It was like an unexpected Christmas because all my stuff had finally arrived.

Then a day after that, when I got 'home', street lights on, I checked the mailbox because it was now a routine.

Just to make sure I got to it before John or his Dad did.

...But today.

There was another letter inside the mailbox, and it was larger than normal.