"We've been lying here for an hour…Let's go outside now, yeah?" Nines' voice was soft as he tried to coax him into a more wakeful state. Gavin whined quietly as he rolled over, facing away from him and burying his face in the pillow. He was sore and tired. The last thing he wanted was to be surrounded by a bunch of invalids, being constantly reminded of his own status, and having to deal with people he didn't know. He could handle the maids coming and going. They did their job and politely left him to his misery. What he didn't want was some simpering nurse coaxing him to try harder and look on the bright side. There was no fucking bright side. His life was over. "You'll feel better once we get outside, I promise…" Breathing fresh air wouldn't bring his leg back.
He didn't know why Nines cared so much. It wasn't like he'd be sticking around long term to deal with this shit. He was on temporary leave for a few weeks and then he'd be back on the front. He'd probably find someone else within a week. The thought sent a wave of despair crashing through his chest. He stiffened as he felt a gentle hand settled on his spine, pressing and teasing the tense flesh. He couldn't help relaxing as gentle fingers worked his muscles, relaxing him further into the mattress. He let out a low groan as Nines' body pressed up behind and soft lips teased his bare shoulder.
"Please?" Gavin turned his head a little at the gentle plea, coming face to face with Nines' big blue eyes and hopeful expression. It should be illegal for anyone to look at him like that. He returned his face to the pillow with a grumble, gripping the cotton stubbornly. "I'll be with you the whole time." Nines nuzzled his neck and shoulder as he offered kisses and compromises. Gavin didn't want to go outside. He really didn't. He didn't want to see the others, and he didn't want them to see him. At the same time, he knew Nines was really worried, and he was trying so hard. He glanced at the window. It was a nice day. Blue sky and sunshine. It was pretty quiet as well. Besides a few birds and distant voices, there was nothing. Silence…
"Phck, alright! But if I don't like it, we come back after thirty minutes." Fear and resentment were already bundling in the pit of his stomach. He had no mobility of his own. He was dependent on Nines. Once he was outside, he had no control over when he returned. If Nines decided he wouldn't bring him back, then he'd be stuck. He turned his head enough to gauge Nines' reaction. He seemed relieved that he'd at least agreed to leave the room. "Thirty minutes."
"Agreed." Nines didn't want to push him too hard. Elijah said he hadn't left the room since his arrival. Thirty minutes was a start. "I'll get your clothes." The one good thing about being discharged was that he didn't have to wear that scratchy service uniform ever again. Nines helped him pull on some pants and trousers. He said nothing as he rolled the empty leg and set it neatly over his knee. Gavin glared at the stump. He could still feel that dull throb where the shell had seared his flesh. He tried not to think about it, hoping that would lessen the pain. He pulled on the white shirt he was given and tucked it in neatly. Nines got dressed, too. He dressed down for the day. He was off duty, and didn't want to draw undue attention to himself.
Once he was ready to go out, Nines grabbed the wheelchair that had been left against the wall. Gavin glared at it. He hated the fact that he needed it at all. He didn't have enough balance to stand on his own yet. He needed to start physio and get used to crutches first. After that, he knew his brother would have all sorts of fancy gadgets to foist on him. Nines was gentle as he lifted him beneath the arms and helped manoeuvre him into the chair. It wasn't the most comfortable way to travel, but it was his only choice for now.
"Let's take a turn about the garden…If you're hungry afterwards, we can eat out on the patio," Nines suggested as he turned the chair and headed for the door. Gavin grumbled his reluctant agreement and glared at the floor as he was pushed around like a kid in a buggy. He felt his heart pick up as Nines opened the door. He hadn't left the room since his arrival. He didn't even know how many people were in the house. How many would see him like this? Would he know any of them? He fisted his hands in his lap as Nines steered him into the hall. There was no one. He couldn't even hear anything.
He knew there were other patients somewhere. This was a recovery hospital. At least, it was being used as a hospital. He also knew the family who owned the estate were probably hanging around, too. He continued to look around as Nines pushed him through the large entrance hall towards the front door. He relaxed a little as they made it out front. A temporary ramp had been added over the steps for wheelchair access. Nines pushed him down and turned to walk around the looming mansion. Gavin turned his head as he heard the familiar snort and whinny of a horse.
"There are horses here?" It shouldn't have surprised him. He knew hunting was a popular sport in England, and he'd heard of polo. Carriages were also common, so it made sense that a huge estate like this would have stables. Nines paused and looked around, spotting the large wooden building up a slope at the side of the house. They'd be walking by the slope to reach the rear gardens, so it probably wouldn't hurt to stop by and look. The building was shorter than a barn, but just as wide. On an estate this size, it was likely they had quite a few horses. Twenty, at least. For working and riding.
"Would you like to see them?" Anything that took Gavin's mind off his injuries was a good thing in his book. He smiled as Gavin nodded and made his way up the stone path. There were quite a few stalls, but only a few were occupied. Six horses were in at the moment. The rest were likely out in the fields or busy working. A stable hand nodded politely as he passed by, doing his best not to pause or stare. He'd learned quickly that the injured guests didn't like being ogled. "Have you ridden before?" Nines asked as he wheeled Gavin by one of the stalls, where a brown mare stood. Gavin smiled and reached up as the mare bowed her head, accepting the gentle stroke on her nose.
"Yeah…I did a bit, when I was younger…Guess that's another thing that's out now, right?" He tried not to seem bothered by it as he ran his fingers through her rough, black mane. The hair was a little rough, but she was certainly well cared for. Her coat was glossy and soft, and her dark eyes were bright and somewhat mischievous. He huffed as she snorted into his shoulder and nudged him in encouragement.
"Not at all. You'll be able to ride again once you're up and about…I believe it may even improve your balance," Nines replied as he ran a hand down the mare's soft neck. Gavin seemed a little more hopeful at the news. Nines decided to have a quiet word with Elijah later. If horse riding would improve Gavin's mood, then perhaps it could be used as a goal for him to attain while he was away. His chest fell a little at the thought of leaving, but his leave was only temporary. He was surprised he'd been allowed to leave at all with their recent losses. They'd had no news of reinforcements before he left.
"Are you making friends there, Lady Blossom?" Gavin drew back as another young stable hand approached. From his accent, Gavin knew he was a country boy. He didn't sound like he was from London, but he didn't know England well enough to say where he was from. All he knew was he wasn't upper class, and he wasn't from the city. The mare raised her head with a snort as the young man approached and ruffled her mane.
"She's beautiful. Is she a racing horse?" Gavin asked as he leaned back in his chair. The stable hand paid no mind to the chair as Blossom nosed his chest, searching for treats. He chuckled as he stroked her nose and rested a hand on her neck. He seemed both fond and proud as he patted her neck. Gavin could only guess he was her main keeper in the stables. She certainly seemed fond of him.
"She has the blood alright, but she's a nervous girl…Doesn't even like going out to the fields with the others. Very picky with her company, so she is. Like a proper lady!" Gavin huffed as he looked up at her. She didn't seem nervous to him, but maybe it was because it was a quiet day. It's not a bad thing to be picky with your company though. It saved a lot of trouble. "She's getting on a bit, too…She's sixteen now…Belongs to one of the young ladies of the house, but she's not much of a rider, and Lady Blossom here is picky with her riders…She doesn't get much exercise these days unless I tack her myself." Gavin felt a little sorry for her. She seemed like a good and patient creature. I wonder if she gets lonely, being in here all the time…
"How do you know if she'll let someone ride her?" Nines asked curiously as he examined her dark eyes. She hadn't kicked up a fuss about being touched yet, and she didn't seem too nervous. She'd even tried to nose her way closer to Gavin, despite him having no treats to offer her.
"If she'll let you on, that's enough. She's never thrown a rider…Bribery goes a long way, too. Would you like to give her a treat? She loves carrots," the stable hand added as he pulled a hastily chopped carrot from his pocket. "Don't tell anyone though…I sneaked it from the kitchen. People say she's spoiled. I say, at sixteen, she deserves all the spoils she gets!" He handed the orange chunks to Gavin and stepped back with a chuckle as Blossom snorted and neighed. Gavin grinned and held his hand flat, making it easy for her to nibble the chunks. Nines smiled as he watched. Bringing Gavin outside had been a good idea. This was the first proper smile he'd seen since his return.
They lingered a while longer before continuing on to the gardens. Gavin seemed less comfortable once they were out in the sun. There were others in the garden. Some men were in wheelchairs, either being pushed by nurses or wheeling themselves. Some were using crutches or walking sticks to get around. A few others were walking fine. Either because they'd gotten used to the prosthetics, or because their injuries were elsewhere. There were various injuries, many more severe than Gavin's. Many were missing both legs, or an arm and a leg. Gavin couldn't help shuddering at the reminder of how bad it could have been. Some also had severe burns to deal with. His own were minor in comparison, and none of them had touched his face.
"The weather is nice today…" Nines murmured as he pushed him along. Gavin leaned back and looked up at the sky. He was right. Crisp air and sunshine. It was even getting warmer. He hoped the weather was just as nice in France. They'd need all the nice weather they could get to dry out the swampy mud of the trenches. That was one of the worst things about the front. That and the rats…and the smell…He almost gagged at the memory of going over the top. The lingering rot of forgotten flesh in the thick swamp between two lines. He shivered, ears still ringing with the deafening blasts. "Gavin?" He opened his eyes with a start.
"I'm fine…" He hadn't even noticed Nines moving to kneel at his side. Nines gave him that thin-lipped look that told him he didn't believe him. Gavin tightened his jaw and dropped his gaze as his leg throbbed. "You want to walk around a little more?" Nines took the hint and returned to pushing the chair. He steered clear of other people. He knew Gavin wasn't in the mood for company. He followed the stone path around the garden towards the busier patio. A few tables had been put out, where men sat in small groups or pairs. They were eating and drinking or playing card games. They paid them no mind as he rolled Gavin over to a small table on the edge of the patio.
One of the lingering maids hurried over to see if she could bring them anything, and Nines put in an order for lunch. Nothing complicated, just whatever they had available. She seemed to know exactly what to get, so she hurried off. Gavin was less comfortable surrounded by everyone else. He sat a little more hunched over, scooting himself as close to the table as possible to hide his leg beneath the edge. Nines was subtle as he reached across and rested a hand on his injured knee, stroking gentle circles. Gavin knew he meant it to be comforting, but it felt more patronising. There-there, little boy…
"Do you think you can manage a little physio after lunch? Just a few small exercises…We can do them in your room." Gavin knew he wasn't ready for standing or walking yet. He needed to get used to moving his joints and build up muscle again first. He gave a small nod of agreement. He didn't exactly have anything to lose at this point. Whether he let himself waste away or not, he wasn't getting his leg back. He may as well try to make himself a little less useless. That way, he might actually be able to take care of himself once Nines got bored and left.
Lunch was almost awkward. Nines tried hard to steer their conversation away from the war, but that was really all they had in common. All that he knew of. Their relationship had been so short in real terms. Each liaison had been a hurried affair between duties. Each embrace had been a desperate, clinging need for companionship. Each kiss had brought love and affection to an impossibly dark place. Now that they were out of that dark place, would their feelings remain the same? Nines would have asked about his brother, but he knew that Gavin didn't talk about him. Talking about family would remind him of the front, where Connor and Sixty were still fighting. Many of Gavin's friends had been killed during his last mission. His whole team.
"What did you do before all this?" Gavin asked as he ate the hearty beef stew he'd been given. Nines blinked in surprise. He hadn't expected Gavin to start the conversation.
"I was training to be a doctor…Just a standard practitioner. It's why I was drafted as a medic…Connor was a veterinarian, but they decided he knew enough to help as a nurse." He was hesitant to talk about Sixty. He'd always been somewhat unstable. His temper was short, and he often got himself into trouble. All sorts of trouble. Their father had worried about him constantly. When they'd been drafted for the war, Sixty was the first to voluntarily sign up. Putting a gun in his hand and pointing him at the enemy was the worst thing they could have done. Nines wasn't sure he'd be able to readjust to normal society once all this was over and done with. Will any of us? They'd all seen their own brand of terrible things.
"I can see Connor and animals…Why did you choose people?" He didn't exactly have the best bedside manner. He was often curt, though Gavin had to admit his bad attitude hadn't helped. He'd goaded him relentlessly during their first few meetings. Goaded him right into bed…It was one of the few positive memories he had about his time on the front. Nines shrugged as he ate his own stew. It was good. Flavourful.
"My grades were high enough to go into medicine, and it seemed like the right choice…" Gavin's choice had been pretty much the same. He'd looked into different career paths and decided the military was a wise choice. Good pay. Good benefits. Admiration. It was an easy choice. It was either that or work for Elijah. I'm pretty much fucked now…His career was over. He'd now join the long line of honourably discharged war veterans. Injured in the line of duty. A living hero. Doomed to live the rest of his life as an average citizen. Less than average…What workplace would even take him on?
Once they were finished, Nines wheeled him back to his room and helped him onto the bed to talk him through the exercises. They were simple, mostly keeping his muscles moving and the blood circulating. Nines helped him settle on his front and had him bend his knees as far as he could for a ten count. His remaining leg was a little stiff from lack of use, but it really hurt his stump. Each bend pulled at the freshly sewn skin. He grunted and clenched his teeth. It felt like the whole thing was going to split open.
"You're doing well…Keep going…Five. Six…" Gavin pinched his eyes shut and did as he was told. He whimpered pathetically as Nines reached ten. He lowered his leg and raised the other one, still reeling from the burning sting. The pain was like a constant wave by the time he'd finished four reps. He didn't want to openly sob, but it really fucking hurt. It didn't help that it was blending in with the imaginary pain from his missing leg. "We'll take a break." Nines could tell he wasn't ready for the next one. There's more?
The next exercise had him lying on his back. He had to raise his knee as close to his chest as possible. This pulled the skin in a whole new way, bringing a fresh wave of misery with it. It also hurt his side as the muscles in his pelvis worked. His whole left side was throbbing by the time he finished. These were simple exercises. Things that he wouldn't have thought twice about before. He blinked tears at how pathetic he felt. He rested an arm across his face as Nines noticed and sat on the edge of the bed to comfort him.
"You've done so well, Gavin…I know it's hard, but you'll get through this. It'll hurt less and less the more you practice, alright?" Gavin nodded, mostly to make him stop. He felt pathetic enough without the patronising reassurances. He was in so much pain, and Elijah hadn't even touched him yet. He knew it would be worse once his recovery really started. He gasped in surprise as gentle lips caressed his own, offering their own sort of comfort. Nines hummed softly as Gavin moved to wrap his arms around his neck, pulling him closer. It didn't stop the pain, but it at least made him feel a little better on the inside. "You're due more medication…I'll bring it for you." Oh, thank phck! Nines huffed as if he'd said it out loud as he got to his feet and left the room.