It was a shock. A complete and utter shock. Josie was silent for a long time, staring at him as if he had grown another head. Truthfully, she would have been less speechless if another person had started to grow out of his shoulder. Neither of them spoke, just stewing in the silence, lingering on the words.
Josie closed her gaping mouth and swallowed down something that felt like bile.
"What?"
Landon blew out a breath at her soft question. He was squirming, lightly bouncing himself on the heels of his shoes. He had been doing that a lot recently, ever since Hope-
No.
It felt wrong to even think of her right now, it felt like a betrayal.
He took his hands out of his jeans pockets and grabbed her limp ones, running his thumb over her knuckles. He smiled. It was sweet, a sweet smile that made her insides liquefy and her heart skip. She had never really had sweet before. Penelope thrived on battles, small spats that made their mouths hot and ready to eat each other. Landon was all sweet smiles and loving caresses.
He laughed and it felt like a reckoning. "You told me to choose, you both-" he paused as if just the thought of her killed him a little, "..you both told me to choose and I am."
It killed her too, just the thought of that beautifully haunting face stricken with sadness, big blue eyes glassy and red from it. She pushed the image down, cutting that shame from its stem rather than the roots.
He pulled her close, their noses bumped.
"I choose you, Josie Saltzmen. I love you." He said, unaware that he was damning them both. He had tears in his eyes. She looked into them, those emerald green eyes that she had gazed at all damn summer. He was so pretty in the summertime, so hazy and dreamy like a forgotten memory. He looked real now, in the orange hue of the Christmas candle she had lit for some unknown reason.
Josie had never really been in love before, but she thought this is what it should be. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she smiled back. She brought their lips together and tasted salt. His warm hands found home on her waist and hers in his unruly black hair.
They kissed and kissed until they fell back onto her bed, she unbuttoned his shirt and laughed when he flushed down to his chest.
Later in the night, when their breathing was settled and their skin was sticky with each other's sweat, she refrained from asking about a certain girl, a girl who would forever linger between them.
The next week was a blur of touches and laughing and romance. Josie had never felt more alive even though Malivore was still an active threat. She and Landon seemed to be in their own little bubble of heaven. That bubble was inevitably popped when her twin showed up at her new dorm room.
Landon and her had been doing class work together, or they were doing class work until she decided that his lips looked too nice not to kiss. Loud banging at her door had made them jump apart. When she opened the door, Lizzie had a sour look on her face. She opened her mouth to speak but then her eyes caught Landon lounging on Josie's bed and she suddenly looked like she swallowed a lime.
Her twin stared at him for a few seconds before turning back to Josie.
"Malivores dead." She screwed up her face, "And so is my will to live, yuck. Have some decorum, Jo." Rolling her eyes, Lizzie was already turning around to leave. But Josie was not going to let her twin just drop a bomb like that and then ditch. She gripped Lizzie's arm and pulled her into the doorway.
"What do you mean 'he's dead'?" She asked, still struck by it.
"I mean what I said." Her eyes slid over to the boy again, a twisted little smirk on her mouth "I always knew that fucking the hobbit would make you lose brain cells."
"Lizzie, please." She scolded, casting a glance to Landon after hearing his offended squawk.
Lizzie never liked Landon, she always made comments about his hair and his clothes. At the beginning, Josie thought it was simply because he was new and kind of strange so she teased him. Then it turned into more than teasing, her words were always cutting and her anger was potent. It confused Josie incessantly, then she started to suspect it was jealousy. Lizzie was jealous that someone had cracked the most guarded girl and it hadn't been her.
And now it was something more akin to paltry. Pettiness that her sister could not help but let leak out.
The blonde bit the inside of her cheek and sighed "Clarke killed him-it, somehow." Josie opened her mouth to ask another question but Lizzie raised her finger. "If you want more answers, talk to Dad…" Her next words cut deep, they were probably meant to.
"It's hard to look at either of you right now."
It hurt, god it hurt. Josie willed herself not to cry. How dare she? Lizzie had no right to say something like that. When her eyes met her sisters she saw the hidden disgust. It wasn't aimed at her actions. Lizzie had always judged her sister's empathy-ridden actions, this disgust was directed at Josie. It pierced her through the heart, insides bleeding and aching.
It's not my fault that he chose me, she wanted to yell. She wanted to scream and claw and rage at her sister for reminding her that her happiness was at the price of another who probably deserved it more. It wasn't her fault that in gaining a sweet love, she lost a friend whom she had known for years. But it was her fault that she and Landon had been making out in the halls all week, that they had laughed a little too loudly in the dining hall and they just couldn't keep their hands off each other in the library. She bled out a little faster when she remembered that a certain girl loved the library.
Lizzie gave them both one last look that spoke more than words could, and left.
When Josie turned to face her boyfriend, she saw a look of anguish. She sniffed and wiped the tears from her eyes. Neither of them said anything, and it felt like a sin when she laid down in bed next to him. They had been avoiding the name, the thought, the mention of her since he confessed his love.
But it was time.
Josie sighed through her nose and stared at the ceiling.
"What did you say to Hope?"
He sucked in a breath, she heard it. When he blew it out, it shuttered and she knew that she was not the only one who was bleeding. He fidgeted with his bracelet, wooden beads strung together by a black cord. It's Hope's, she thinks somewhat hysterically. A vivid memory of Hope toying with the same bracelet while reading in the library.
She doesn't comment on it. Nor will she ever.
"I told her that I…" He swallows. "I told her that me and her were not meant for each other and that we shouldn't drag out a relationship that was inevitably doomed."
His breathing is uneven as he wiped his eyes. He looks so mournful and she remembers suddenly that he had been killing himself all summer. While she was falling deeper into the abyss of love, he was drowning himself just to see visions of Hope. How could he not choose her? Why had he chosen Josie when he loved Hope even in death?
Those questions never left her tongue and they wouldn't for many many years. But she does want to know the rest.
"What did she say?"
He scoffs something that sounds like a laugh but it's too watery to tell.
"Nothing, she just stared at me for- like a really long time. I kinda thought she was gonna hit me or something."
"Hope's not the type." It's a lie. When she was twelve, Josie told a few girls in theater about Klaus Mikaelson. She never said anything about him being Hope's dad, but he became the talk of the school all the same, and the books that had his name were passed around like comics. Hope found her a few days after and smacked her across the face, hard. It had stung and left a mark but when her mom asked who did it she refused to tell.
"Did she cry?" She had only seen Hope cry once in her whole life at the Miss Mystic Falls competition. She wanted to know if her image of Hope's reaction was authentic.
"Yeah, yeah she cried."
Silence engulfed the room. They finished their forgotten work and he kissed her before leaving.
Josie sat on her bed in the dark, her knees pressed to her chest. In the dark room, she cried. She cried and cried until it became dry heaving sobs. The reality of all of this shit hitting her like a bus. Hope would never speak to her again, at least not in earnest. She would probably never hug Hope again, never pass notes with her when the lesson is boring, never look into those big blue eyes and see love.
The pre-teen Josie was screaming inside her head. Pre-teen Josie did not want to be Hope's friend, she wanted more. She fantasizes about those plum-stained lips and long deft fingers that held spells like they were made too.
It wasn't her fault that Landon had chosen her, but she had chosen him too. Another sob racks her throat while she grieves for the living.
With Malivore dead, things had gone back to normal. The classes have been full and no one fears having to go on lockdown because of a new creature. Josie twirled around the empty foyer, everyone was on break now. It had been two months since she started dating Landon and Christmas was only three days away. She had no clue what to get him.
She went to her single dorm room and hated how empty it looked. Lizzie was always the one who decorated but Josie wanted to be independent so now she had to do it herself. She pulled on a big coat while looking around for Landon's beanie, she found it under her bed and snatched up the car keys on her desk. Mystic Falls was covered in a thick blanket of snow, but the roads were salted so it was a smooth ride into town.
Sleet stuck to her boots as she walked into a craft shop. She could get him a new journal with his initials on the cover, or she could look around and find something that speaks to her.
She looked for a while after finding his present, just dillying around the store. When Josie turns the corner to the paint section, she sees the perfect side profile of Hope Mikaelson. The world feels even more frozen than before.
She stands there for what feels like forever, just watching as Hope idly picks through colors on the shelf. She's wearing a man's coat and Josie can see the letters K.M embroidered on the sleeve. It's knit and dark gray and it matches nicely with Hope's baby blue scarf. Her blood-soaked hair is half up half down, the up pieces are pulled together by a claw-clip. She's beautiful.
Blue eyes finally look up to meet brown. Josie had been thinking about seeing Hope for the last two months, but the girl had been avoiding her like the damn plague. She hadn't seen her at all and Lizzie refused to answer any questions related to Hope. The only reason she knew Hope didn't leave was because MG told her that he saw her in the library all the time.
Somehow she was never in there when Josie went looking.
Hope was the first one to speak.
"Josie? What are you doing here?" Her auburn brow raised in question. She spoke softly and kindly. It was off-putting. Hope was supposed to yell at her, Hope was supposed to have dark circles under her eyes and bitten fingernails, Hope was supposed to look like she had been crying. She was supposed to look like every person after a breakup.
But she was none of these things. Her face looked perfectly porcelain, just the right amount of blush on her nose and cheeks from the cold. Her blue eyes were bright, nothing about them sad or angry.
She looked good. It killed Josie a little bit.
Josie remembered that she had been asked a question. She held up the notebook and fancy pens she had picked out for Landon in explanation. "Christmas shopping, you?" She wanted to smack herself. Hope made a small noise that could have been a laugh and pushed back the scarf around her neck.
"Out of paints and there's nothing much to do at school during break." She shrugged, her voice still soft and sweet.
Josie blinked, "You're at school during break?"
Hope hummed as she read over the label of a wine-colored bottle. "I haven't seen you." Josie continued. She should have seen her with how empty it was, only a few students were there. Rafael, Landon, Lizzie, and Josie were the only members of the 'super squad' that stayed.
Hope shrugged again and put the paint in her hand-held basket. She starts to walk away and something snaps in Josie's chest, something ugly.
"That's it?" It sounds desperate, half wail-half plea. She had been going over what she would say for two months. She had prepared herself for curses thrown at her and tears and spit, yes even spit. She was not prepared for casualty or politeness. Was Hope ever polite? She can't really remember what Hope was like daily before her parents died.
The air seems to still when Hope turns back around, her eyes colder than Josie had ever fucking seen them. This is what Klaus must have looked like, she thinks. This must have been what he looked like every day because those cold eyes make her want to vomit. She had once asked her dad what Klaus was like, and he had gone a new shade of white.
'Terrifying' he said, 'completely terrifying'
She hadn't thought it was true at the time, she had seen the drawing he made for her mom and the way Hope mourned for him as if he had been something precious. But now she realized he was only kind to the people he loved.
Hope was only patient with the people she loved and Josie was not on that little list anymore.
"What's 'it'? Was there something you were expecting from me?" Her voice had lost its honey, it was freezing. They stared at each other for a moment until Josie finally spoke again.
"No…I guess not."
A cold dead smile, "Good." and she walked away.
It was like she left their entire past in her wake. Dumping all their smiles and laughs and friendship on the floor without a second thought. Hope apparently, was not sentimental. She wanted to talk to her about this, wanted to tell her how fucking sorry she was about all of it. But it mattered not, the only Hope Josie would have was the one in her dreamland.
When she got back to the boarding house, she wrapped her gifts and went to Landon's dorm for the rest of the night. She didn't tell him about seeing Hope, it felt like something she should keep between them. The two girls ruined by the same boy. In her mind, she knew only one of them let Landon ruin her. And it wasn't Hope.
Valentine's Day was a big affair at the Salvatore school. All the witches made roses bloom from every corner and the vampires left secret notes for their lovers with lightning speed. Landon had taken Josie to dinner, it was thoughtful. They had been going through a bit of a rough patch recently. It was future things, college, marriage, and children. She had come to find out that Landon had absolutely no path for the future. When she asked him what he had planned to do, he had gotten quiet and then muttered that he was just planning to follow Hope wherever she went after school.
They didn't talk for two days after he told her that. It had hurt her, more than it should have. Hope had been seen around more often. Josie and Landon saw her at dinner and sitting in the stairwell with Alyssa almost every day. She hasn't talked to either of them and she probably won't. Josie still cries sometimes when Lizzie comes to her smelling like Hope's perfume. She used to not notice it, that bourbon vanilla scent that makes her mouth water just a bit.
Hope's a forbidden subject between them.
He apologizes for making her upset, he doesn't mention specifics because it's still forbidden. He takes her to dinner at the fanciest restaurant in Mystic Falls. It's crowded and sweaty and she would have preferred a nice picnic in the park but she likes that he is trying for her. They make idle chit-chat and she thinks that this is the real part of the relationship. The romance part is over, the reality is here to stay.
She remembers when Hope and Landon still stared dreamily at each other after being together for a year.
I took his virginity, I was the one he chose, I am the one he will follow after school, I'm the one who has him, she thinks over and over again.
I have his heart, what else matters? Someone always replies. That voice is nasty, and it sounds like Hope.
She sips on her soup and pretends like she isn't about to fucking lose it.
When they are finished, he pays with minimal protest from Josie. They walk to the car, holding hands and she wants to be alone suddenly. Landon is sweet until he isn't. She feels a bit like she was scammed into thinking that because Hope was in love with him, he was the greatest. It hadn't dawned upon her that Hope probably had a really fucked up perception of love.
Or maybe he had been when he was with her. Maybe Landon feels like he had chosen wrong just as much as Josie did. We're stuck together now, she thinks. Neither of us can have her except in our hearts. She tells him that her stomach hurts and that she wants to go to her dorm alone because they haven't been dating long enough for him to see her sick.
When he drops her off at her dorm, she finds the weed MG had gifted her after she helped him get out of dissecting pigs in biology. Josie goes down to the gardens, forgetting it's Valentine's Day and the gardens are romantic at night. She's walking down the hall of ivy when she hears a soft moan.
Josie's not the nosy twin but she's bored and high and wants to be the nosy twin for once. She can feel her cheeky smile fade when she sees who's sitting on the stone bench beside the lilies.
Hope Mikaelson has one leg over her companion as she gets her neck licked. It's another girl, with long curly baby pink hair, pale skin, and silver piercings all over her face. She sees a tongue ring in the moonlight glow and the girl's saliva shines on Hope's neck.
Their legs are tangled, she has never seen Hope wear such a short skirt before. They moan and sigh into each other's mouths. They are beautiful. An image you would see in a painting, with something about lust written in another language at the bottom. Josie most definitely should not be watching this, but she can't help but let something between jealousy and bitterness make her stay.
She feels like Hope is betraying her and Landon. We both love you, why can't you pick one of us to ravish in the moonlight? The girl with pink hair slips her hand under Hope's skirt and Josie leaves without looking back.
When she gets back to her dorm, Josie sits on her bed and thinks about Hope. She thinks about her in a way the pre-teen Josie would have. She wonders if Landon thinks of Hope like that too. She thinks that they both look into each other's eyes and wish that it was blue staring back.
Graduation happens quicker than she expected. Not for her at least, she and Landon are a year apart after all. He wears his graduation cap proudly and when she kisses him, he picks her up and twirls her around. Josie's yellow summer dress goes to her ankles so it doesn't hike up with the wind. She feels pretty today, Lizzie had braided the hair around her face and left everything else out.
Josie has come to realize that she doesn't mind being codependent, but she didn't expect Lizzie to flourish in her absence. It makes her want to dry heave but she turns her naturally pouty lip up into a sunny smile and tells her sister how proud she is of her for finding herself. Lizzie's blonde hair glows in the summer sun and Josie's smile turns a little more real.
Hope is in her cap and gown, just like Landon and all the other people scattered around them. Her hair is darker, looking more like blood than ever before but she smiles at them.
Hope walks over to them, Lizzie holding onto her arm. She looks so warm in the sun, and Josie recalls that Hope is from New Orleans where the heat is always sweltering. It's always jarring to remember things about Hope's life, big things like her father is a boogieman, and simple things like Hope has a favorite bakery in Mystic Falls.
She smiles at Josie first then Landon, who looks like he is about to cry. "Happy Graduation, Lan." the nickname slides off her tongue so naturally, like the two of them had been talking this whole time. Maybe they had spoken some and Landon decided not to tell her. That minuscule thought is crushed when she sees his face.
It's bright red, not from heat. He's blushing, he hasn't blushed in a while.
Landon fidgets with the bracelet on his wrist while opening and closing his mouth.
"Yeah, uh yeah thanks-thank you." He sputters through the words and she hears Lizzie snicker. His green eyes lock on Hope's blue ones. "Happy graduation to you too."
Josie notices her twin's hard stare. Directed at Landon of course, over the school year, Lizzie's blatant dislike for Landon had become hatred. It was hard for Josie when her twin and boyfriend couldn't so much as sit in the same room together, but Lizzie wasn't going to change.
'You made your bed, Jo. Now you have to sleep in it.'
Hope's smile didn't falter, she looked completely in control of this whole interaction. Josie envied that, the ability to command rooms with just the air that you breathe out. Hope was always sure of herself, never once had she been seen incongruous. She gave him a coy smile, saying thanks softly, and turned her attention to Josie.
Ring-cluttered fingers gripped onto Josie's bare ones. That hand was so warm, so unlike her clammy ones. Hope held her hand with something akin to remembrance. She squeezed the digits and then let them go, her face honeyed and jaunty. It felt like it was meant to be, like Hope was always meant to hold her hand. She pushed the thought down immediately and made her face smile just as sweetly.
"I know that things have been," Hope paused and clicked her tongue. "different, but I don't want to leave this place with bad blood."
Josie sucked in a breath, she hadn't expected this. She should really stop expecting things when it comes to Hope. It's strange. She and Landon had both been grieving the loss of Hope in their lives for months, but said girl had not seemed to think about them once. She used the term bad blood as if it was some silly teenage drama instead of a life-changing ache that lived inside the couple constantly.
Perhaps they weren't as significant to her as they had both wished. The silence was loud between the four, Josie broke it first.
"Really?"
Hope laughed, laughed. "Yes really, I just really don't want this thing to linger between us." you linger between us, she wants to say. Even though you moved on, we can't. She doesn't say it though, and neither does Landon. They both smile at her and agree with numb grins. Lizzie is looking at her with a pinched face, probably reading the fake smile and thinking that she doesn't want to make up with Hope.
The two girls leave, immediately conversing when their backs turn. Josie wonders if Lizzie knows anything about that pink-haired girl Hope had been with a few months back. She could ask Hope but even with this new white flag, she doubts they will ever be friends again. Maybe one day when Josie is old and gray, she'll find Hope Mikaelson and beg for forgiveness, begging for a place in her house of stone.
Landon interlaces their fingers and brings it to his lips, kissing the back of her hand. Both their eyes still on Hope. Later, when the sun dies and the world becomes a hue or orange, she brings up their forbidden topic. They sit on the kitchen floor of his and Rafael's new apartment. It's small but in a 'first home' kind of way.
She looks up at him from her bowl of mac-and-cheese. "Landon?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think Hope hates us?"
He looked up at her, shock coloring his face. He swallows the bite in his mouth and then sets down the bowl as if he were preparing himself for an argument.
"I don't know, why would you ask me that?" Green eyes narrow on her in suspicion. Josie shrugs and stabs her fork in the noodles. It's a dumb question, she asked because she wants to know his thoughts about Hope. They never talk about her and she desperately wants to know if he thinks about his ex-girlfriend as much as she does.
When she doesn't respond, he lets out a long sigh. It sounds so tired. "I don't think she hates us."
"You don't?" she thought he would, she thought Landon would wanna tear out all his hair when he remembers that the old love of his life hated his guts.
"No, I don't." His jaw clenches. "But I wish she did." He whispered it like a confession, it was in so many ways. How could Landon wish Hope would hate them? Why would he want that? At her awed look, he continues with a laugh. "If Hope hates us, that means she thinks about us. We cross her mind, she would look at things and remember what we did and shit like that."
She still didn't understand, that's what Hope was already doing, right?
"But Hope doesn't hate us, she doesn't think about us. She'll look back on me and you in twenty years and laugh about how silly this whole thing was. Hope doesn't care."
Then he spoke the words she had been dreading and hoping for.
"She doesn't miss us the way we miss her."
Tears slid down her cheeks. He had known then. All this time they had both been thinking the same things and never spoke about them allowed. She felt like someone had ripped a hole in her chest. They can't leave each other, they ruined too much to not stay side-by-side. Josie sat up and crawled into his lap, pressing her face into his neck. He held her right back, fingers digging into her shirt.
When Rafael gets home, he tells them that they missed a sick afterparty. He smells like bourbon vanilla perfume and liquor. Josie and Landon stare at him, not asking why he smells like that or why he is so damn happy. When she gets home, she vomits up all the mac-and-cheese and cries.
Lizzie sees her curled up on the bathroom floor and mutters something about her 'guilty stomach'
Their three-year anniversary is very practical. They are both so busy with work and school that an anniversary just seems unnecessary. But Landon cooks an Italian dish he saw online and sets the table with candles. She knows that he is tired, training to become a teacher at the Salvatore school was hard work.
They eat soundly, talking about their day and what's to come from the next. They never talk about marriage, it feels too foreign. Her mom wants them to tie the knot already but her dad is always the first one to tell her that marriage is a big step. Lizzie and Dad don't agree on much, but they agree on the fact that Landon isn't hers.
Neither of them have mentioned Hope since that night on graduation. Two and a half years was a long time to avoid something but they were doing it just fine. It's easier too, Hope moved away somewhere. Lizzie would never tell her and before he moved out, Rafael always got super defensive when the name was brought up. He loved her too.
Of course, he loved her too, how could one not love Hope Mikaelson?
Her mom is in town at the moment, celebrating the news of 'no merge'. She wanted to go out with them, she missed her mom. But Josie was a grown-up now and she had too much pride to ask her mom's opinion on every little thing.
It was a pleasant surprise when Landon told her that Lizzie invited them to see a play with her and her mom. She was shocked her twin had called Landon but he grimaced and told her that MG was the one who called him on Lizzie's behalf. That made more sense.
The October chill outside is nice against her face as they walk around the town. The play was good, but she was just so happy about seeing her mom that anything would dim in comparison. Josie spotted a small bakery a few shops down and dragged her boyfriend by the hand down the sidewalk. Lizzie and MG walked holding hands while the ladder was having a riveting conversation about 'pride and prejudice' with her mom.
The bakery smelled so strong and fluffy that her mouth watered. It looked like one of those copy-cat French places that sold overpriced sweets. There was only one other person in there. Josie glanced at his face and was almost struck by how stunning he was. He was tall, and had smooth dark skin and dark almond eyes, looking to be in his late twenties. He stood at the counter, probably waiting for his baked goods.
"Luke?" Lizzie's voice rang through the place. The man looked up, a smile lighting up his whole sharp-featured face. Her twin walked over to him and gave him a friendly hug and MG did the same. Her mother repeated the name under her breath a few times before gasping.
"Oh… Luke!" She nodded her blonde head and walked over to the other couple. Josie felt Landon look at her, probably wondering if she was just as confused as him. She definitely was. The name 'Luke' did not ring any bells and she is certain that if she had ever seen this man's face, she would have remembered it.
Caroline gave him a big smile. "I'm sorry, you probably have no idea who I am." she stuck out her hand for him to shake. "I'm Lizzie's mom, Caroline." He took it gracefully, brown fingers against her mother's deathly pale ones.
"It's nice to meet you, Caroline." His voice rolled through the air like silk, a thick European accent embroidered into it. Josie hates being out of the loop with her sister, but it feels like a deep betrayal that her mother knows something she doesn't. She takes Landon's arm and leads him to where the rest of the group is.
Lizzie's face goes a little panicked when she sees this and Josie can't even think of why. He turns to them, smiling. His cheekbones are so sharp that if she touched them, she would bleed.
"Lucaus Úlfray."
Lizzie's panic seems to get the best of her when she blurts. "Hope's boyfriend!"
The silence after that is louder than any screams could be. Hope's boyfriend? This boy- man, was Hope's boyfriend. For how long? How serious? Serious enough for Lizzie to know him and like him. She feels Landon shudder under her arm, they both will pretend later that it's from the cold. She can't wrap her head around Hope going from Landon to this Greek statue carved man.
She hates her for it.
The clerk comes to the counter with a box, opening it to show Luke the four small heart-shaped pastries then closing it. Said man takes them and puts a five in the tip jar before winking at Lizzie and leaving. Josie has never felt more invisible, he hadn't even looked at her or Landon. She guesses that if he and her twin are friends, she had told him all about the triangle that occurred three years ago. He probably dislikes Josie more than Hope does. That's alright, she hates him too. She hates that he's beautiful and obviously charming.
She hates that he knows what Hope Mikaelson tastes like and she doesn't. She sometimes wishes that she could reach into Landon's mouth and find a scrap that still houses Hope. She would bottle it up.
The car ride home is quiet. A few weeks later, Josie finally builds up the courage to ask Lizzie about Luke and she actually fucking tells her.
'They've been dating for two years. He's really great, proper too. Kissed my hand the first time I met him.'
'Luke and Hope are good together, I've never seen her so happy.'
It feels like bullets have been fired; but instead of going through her, they embed themselves in her chest and stay there as the impact wounds bleed. It's unfair that Hope gets to move on with life. It's unfair that Josie has to sit in the clover field of memories, covered in the ivy that is Hope Mikealson.
A year goes by, seasons changing and new things blooming. Landon comes home from the boarding school with bags under his eyes and a bad attitude. Josie asks him about his day at school and he grunts something while taking out papers to grade.
She doesn't tell him about the white and gold invitation she got in the mail. She doesn't know if he can handle it, she doesn't know if she can handle it. He kisses her cheek before walking into the bathroom to shower. Josie stays curled on the couch while she drinks her husband's wine.
They had gotten married in Vegas after one-to-many shots of tequila. She doesn't really know if she regrets it. The image of her wedding was not that, but they are never going to leave one another even though they both are unhappy. So, marriage just made it official.
Josie licks the grape off her lips while staring at the invitation. It's probably the prettiest piece of paper she has ever fucking seen and it takes everything not to turn it into ash. Hope was going to marry Luke. Life feels more real than ever before. She was a grown-up, with a freaking mortgage and an unhappy marriage.
And she was desperately in love with a woman who never thought about her.
So was her husband. She snorts into her glass. God, this was such a fucking joke. All of this was. She could have left Landon, she could have moved on with her life like Hope had. But she's not Hope. She would never be able to leave him in the rubble of the things they had tarnished together.
A summer wedding.
She sets the paper on fire, a blaze in the dark.
Josie brings lunch for Landon sometimes. It doesn't happen often because she's so busy at the hospital, but it was slow today. She walked into his empty classroom, trying to recall what class it had been when they went here. Her memory was cloudy, thirty was such a scary number. Something everyone dreads, except for Lizzie who had drank MG's blood and then dramatically threw herself off a cliff side.
She can't imagine killing herself to be with Landon forever, but that's different. MG and Lizzie are happy with their New York apartment and Persian cat that hisses at everyone who isn't them.
She and Landon live in a one-story house, both of them too busy for pets, god forbid children. She wants them, so fucking bad. He doesn't. He says that he is around kids all day and the idea of coming home to more makes him wanna die and she pretends that she isn't contemplating burning him alive.
They sit in silence and eat the meal she had brought. Josie tells him that she wants to see her dad before she has to go back to work. He nods and she can see the gray in his stubbled chin. While she walks down, kids wave and call her 'Miss Kirby'. She knocks on the headmaster's office door and announces herself. He calls for her to come in and she is shocked with what she sees.
Hope Mikaelson sits in one chair, a little boy with dark skin and a haunting familiar shaped face sits in the other. Josie's mouth hangs open. This felt like some type of nightmare and fantasy all wrapped into one terrible moment.
Hope looks different. Her hair is a natural-looking blonde and her face looks..not older but more mature and she's glowing. She's wearing a lilac turtleneck sweater and when she stands, Josie sees the bump in her abdomen. She walks over to Josie, smelling like Vanilla.
"Oh, Josie." She takes her hands the same way she had all those years ago at graduation, still warm and comforting. "It's so good to see you." The smile on her plum lips is blinding. Josie just stares at her dumbly. She has no clue what to do or say, after all these years of loving Hope, she had somehow never expected to see her at the boarding house. Last she heard, Hope had moved to a small town in Europe.
Lizzie had told her about Hope's beautiful old stone house and the woman who lived across the lake, an old widow that goes to the stone every day to see Hope's 'pretty face' and tell her about when she was that young. Lizzie hadn't said anything to her about Hope having a child or children. She forgets she needs to respond, but luckily her father talks first.
"I am trying to convince Hope to enroll Elijah in our school." He gives the little boy a pouty look that makes him giggle, "but apparently, she's set on keeping him in the school in Europe."
Hope's still holding her hand and it feels damning when she lets go and places it on her bump. "I can't help it, I want my babies close to home." She winks at Josie as if somehow a woman with no children and is nailed to the cross of an unhappy marriage would understand. Hope doesn't know any of that though. She has no idea that her easy nature and calming way is killing Josie. Drowning her in jealousy. The little boy- Elijah, gets up from the chair and takes Hope's free hand.
He plays with the rings on her finger, the diamond ones burning Josie's retinas. "We were in town and just wanted to come see old man Ric before he fades into dust." Hope says, a playful smirk on her lips. She lets out a sigh and starts to lead the little boy out the door with her.
"Say bye to Ric and Josie, Eli."
"Bye Ric, bye Josie ." His little voice is just as sweet as Hope's. Josie hates her with a passion. It's not fair that Hope got to have children, it's not fair that her little boy is just as beautiful as her, it's not fair that he seems so calm and sweet and content.
They leave. And Josie feels like this was her last straw.
"I didn't know Hope had a kid." She says softly, more to herself but her father answers all the same.
"She has a little girl too. Eli's seven and her daughter's four."
"What's her daughter's name?"
"Ivy. After Luke's mother."
She feels like dry heaving. All these years, she'd been fighting, fighting with Lizzie about her decisions, fighting with Landon about the life they both wish they had, fighting with herself.
And Hope started it.
She didn't even have the decency to finish it. It's her last straw.
When Josie gets home, she takes a bag from the closet and stuffs all the essentials in it. A few clothes, toiletries, and photos of her family that she had taken from over the years. She gets in the car and drives to the airport. She's still in her hospital scrubs as she looks through all the open flights.
Josie sends a quick text to Elena, telling her that she won't be coming back ever. She doesn't text Landon, nor does she leave a note. He will understand, he will probably be happy to have her gone. She chooses a city in Washington and tears stream down her face when the plane takes off. She never got a text from Landon, even after the sun went down, even after she had been gone for weeks.
She has a small shitty apartment and a rough hospital schedule but it feels right. The best thing about Washington is no ivy grows on the buildings.
Josie never sees Hope again, but when she's older and grayer, a girl with an eerie familiarity starts her residency in Josie's field of pediatrics. She is stunningly beautiful and has an unplaceable European accent that makes all the children blush and smile. She looks at the sheet and sees the girl's name.
Ivy Úlfray
Josie rolls her eyes and laughs.