Author's Notes

This story is part of my Kyber Series. However, these stories are connected only by theme and style. They each read as independent stories. There is no need for anyone to read any other story in this series or any of my other stories to fully appreciate this story.

Canon: This story is designed to be mostly consistent with the Disney canon of Star Wars as of the date of this story's publishing. There are probably a few contradictions. If a future Disney Star Wars story is produced that contradicts this one, I will probably not make any adjustments.

This story is based upon Star Wars: The Clone Wars animated television series. Parts of this story will read like a novelization of certain episodes. However, there is plenty of original content to the story as well, as it aims to fill in the gaps of Barriss Offee's story left by the television series. This includes an original ending.

This is my first attempt at 1st person narrative. I hope you find the perspective enjoyable.

Spoilers: This story contains major spoilers for Star Wars: The Clone Wars, especially season 5. There is also a spoiler for one particular episode of Star Wars: Rebels.

Each chapter has a suggested Star Wars viewing, either because that chapter takes place during that Star Wars show or references it.

Star Wars

The Kyber Series

Kyber Crystals, a rare find in the galaxy. These crystals have the unique feature of resonating in the Force. Force wielders such as the Jedi and the Sith for millennia have used these crystals to aid in their mastery of the Force, and in particular in their lightsabers. These are the stories of a few such Force wielders and the crystals they use.

Red Kyber: The Tragedy of a Jedi

Chapters

1. Seeds of Doubt

2. The Sisters

3. The Scourge of War

4. The Cloak of the Sith

5. Facing the Mirror

6. Compassion and Hatred

7. Betrayal

8. The Framing of Ahsoka Tano

9. Friends No More

10. To Expose a Jedi

11. The Forgotten Jedi

12. Fall of the Old Masters

In the Middle of Things

I awoke, laying on my bed facing the ceiling. There was no sun to tell me the time, but I didn't need it. The monotony of day after day had trained me to know. I began my morning routine. I sat up on my bed, tossing aside the thin sheet that served as my blanket, and swung my legs over the edge to the floor. I only took one step away from my bed before lowering myself to my knees. I then rested my rear on the back of my lower legs. There I took in a breath, held it for a moment, and exhaled; the typical beginning of my morning meditation.

I used to begin my days with meditation back in the Jedi Temple. Even though things were very different now, I couldn't help but smile at the irony of how things were actually quite the same. For one, my quarters were about the same size. Like my room at the Temple I had a bed on the ground. In the Temple I had a window which let in natural light. Here I had four solid walls. Even in the Temple I only had a few possessions: some clothing and a few useful items. Here I had only one orange jump suit which was exchanged every other day. In the Temple I had a statue and candles that I used for meditation. Here I had only a few scratchings on the wall made by a stray piece of metal I found. That was before the droids took it away from me. In the Temple I had a simple sliding door to allow the occasional visitor. Here I had a heavy security door which never opened. Food and essentials would come through a one-way slot.

My only visitors were security droids. Living sentient begins were not allowed near me, less I attempt to use a mind trick on them. Even the droids had their memories routinely wiped, so that I could not befriend any of them. The door was not only physically locked, but it also had an energy back up system to prevent me from moving it with the Force.

All in all, it was a good prison…for a Jedi!

How did I end up here? How did I, the ever faithful, studious, and disciplined Barriss Offee, pride of the Temple younglings, and Padawan to the great Master Jedi Luminara Unduli fall so far as to be locked up in this prison?

I believe that it began during the Clone Wars, at the 2nd Battle of Geonosis.

We're keepers of the peace, not soldiers.

Chapter 1: Seeds of Doubt

Star Wars viewing guide: Star Wars: The Clone Wars – S2:E6 "Weapons Factory" and S2:E8 "Brain Invaders"

My lightsaber clashed against my opponent's blade. I knew better than to expect her to stay still. She twisted around and delivered two more quick but carefully chosen blows. I blocked them both and ducked a third. I rolled to the side and came back to my feet in a low crouch. I blocked a blow high and countered with a sweep of my blue blade. My opponent did a sideways cartwheel over my sweep and struck downward with a slice of her own. I focused on my forms. I expertly blocked each blow, adding in the occasional counterstrike.

I was waiting for the right time for my offensive, when my opponent suddenly attacked with a ferocity and aggression that I was not accustomed to. She rained blow after blow. They were not as precise as her earlier attacks, but there was something different, almost a malice to the blows; that is if I thought my opponent was capable of malice. I tried to recall my fighting forms, but I was barely keeping up. A sense of panic threatened to well up within me. I tried to remain calm, but the attacks kept coming.

Then came a blow in the Force. I just barely caught it. Nevertheless, I stumbled backward. It was followed by a sweeping kick that knocked my feet out from under me. I landed on my back. When I looked up, the point of a green lightsaber blade was at my throat.

The green blade retracted back into the lightsaber hilt, and a hand was extended to me. "You have much to learn, Padawan." It was Master Luminara Unduli who was looking down at me.

"Yes, Master." I took her hand, and she pulled me up. We bowed to each other, signaling the end of the training duel. "You changed your attack form."

"Yes, I did, Barriss. You must expect your opponents to change their approach and use more unconventional tactics."

"It was more than a change of form, Master. You changed. The aggression, the boldness."

"I was trying to simulate how a dark side wielder would fight," answered Master Unduli.

"You've never trained me like this before," I said.

"You are correct. Before, I didn't think it was necessary." Luminara paused. "When I taught you lightsaber dueling tactics I did so as a form of disciple; training you to hone your skills and focus the Force. It was more of an art form than a combat technique. Such has been the way of the Jedi for hundreds of years. We have not had many adversaries who have engaged us in lightsaber combat. In recent memory we haven't seen a Jedi killed in lightsaber combat until Master Qui-Gon Jinn's death at the hands of the mysterious warrior on Naboo. Even then, I thought that was the exception to the rule. I ignored calls from Jedi like Master Windu or Master Kenobi who said that the Jedi should regain our prowess in lightsaber combat."

"What changed your mind?" I asked. "Your battle with Ventress?"

"Indeed," agreed Luminara. "She was unlike any adversary I've ever encountered. Her style was unrefined, yet it was still deadly." Luminara looked intently at me. "Asajj Ventress was not merely interested in focusing the Force with her lightsabers. She was fighting to kill. Using the Dark Side of the Force she put all her aggression and anger into the battle."

"You're not suggesting we do the same?" I asked in surprise.

"Of course not," said Luminara calmly. "The skills you need you already have. Your lightsaber forms, your meditation, your focus in the Force. These are what you will need to fight opponents like Ventress, Dooku, and Grievous. But you must be prepared for how they will fight. And you must know that a lightsaber fight with any of them will not be an exercise in control of the Force but a fight to the death."

Luminara indicated the ground with her free hand. "Come, it is time for us to meditate. We must always keep our serenity in the Force, especially when we are confronted with such darkness."

"Yes, Master." Together Master Luminara and I knelt down, side by side. With the Force I lifted my lightsaber and gently set it in front of me. I reached out with the Force to the weapon. Inside its crystal responded, resonating in the Force. Far from a mere component of the weapon, the kyber crystal focused the Force. Using that focus, I entered a deeper meditation. Together, Master Luminara and I spoke.

"The crystal is the heart of the blade. The heart is the crystal of the Jedi. The Jedi is the crystal of the Force. The Force is the blade of the heart. All are intertwined. The crystal, the blade, the Jedi. You are one."

After what might have been ten minutes, Master Luminara's comm bracelet chimed. The familiar voice of a clone trooper came through. "General Unduli, we are in orbit of Geonosis. Our men are ready to descend to the surface. Your gunship is ready."

"Thank you, Commander Gree. Commander Offee and I will be there shortly." Without a word, I stood up and followed obediently after my Master. We left the training room and walked to the large hanger bay on the dorsal side of the Republic cruiser we were traveling in. Where the training room was calm and quiet, the hanger bay was noisy and busy. But it was still orderly. The clone troopers had trained all their life for this. Disciple and order were as much a part of their life as it was to a Jedi.

We boarded a gunship. The side doors closed, and the shutters locked into an airtight seal for space travel. "Captain, take us down to the planet and to the landing zone," said Master Unduli.

"Yes, General," replied the pilot.

I could feel the gunship lift off. I could sense us leaving the cruiser filled with so many clone troopers. I felt the emptiness of space, which soon changed into the turbulence of the atmosphere as we descended to the surface.

Master Luminara turned to me. "Masters Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ki-Adi-Mundi were injured in the effort to secure a landing zone. They are receiving medical treatment. We will be working with Anakin Skywalker and his apprentice Ahsoka Tano."

"Yes, Master," I said dutifully.

"They are a bit different," said Luminara with a voice that contained a slight warning. "Skywalker is young, and both he and his apprentice can be a bit reckless. But they are good Jedi."

"I understand, Master."

"General, we are approaching the surface," said the clone pilot. The gunship's shutters opened, and I could see the desert planet below me.

Master Luminara spoke, "Captain, the only safe landing zone is south of Skywalker's position."

"Yes, General," replied the pilot.

"Barriss, I assume you've made the necessary preparations?"

"Precisely as you instructed, Master," I replied with a bow. I had been on Geonosis before. I had accompanied Master Luminara when Master Windu had gathered as many Jedi as possible to rescue Obi-Wan Kenobi from the Separatists. I didn't know at the time that I was about to fight in the first battle of these Clone Wars. I was unprepared then. This time I was fully prepared.

"Buckle your belts and check your cells, soldiers. We are going in," said Commander Gree. All the clones grabbed their weapons and readied themselves. I took ahold of the handle hanging from the ceiling and prepared for landing.

As soon as the gunship landed, we were greeted by a clone captain with a blue color scheme to his armor. "Good day, General. Skywalker's waiting for you." Luminara responded with a slight head bow, as did I.

As we approached, I saw Master Skywalker and his Togruta padawan. They seemed to be arguing. "At is again, are they?" said Luminara.

"Again, Master?" I asked.

"Let's just say that they have a penchant for playing loose with regulations and rules of command." I was appalled. To see a master and padawan arguing! I would never think of having a heated argument with Master Luminara, at least not publicly. It was unthinkable.

As we walked up, Master Luminara spoke to the two Jedi, "If you're both finished with your little discussion, we do have a factory to destroy." When we arrived, Master Luminara turned to me. "Well, Barriss, aren't you going to introduce yourself?"

I faced Padawan Tano and knelt part way down in a curtsy. "Padawan learner Barriss Offee at your service." While it was my normal way of introducing myself, I had to admit that I might have over done the formality a bit. Perhaps I was showing off proper padawan behavior before an apprentice whom I had just witnessed arguing with her master.

The display was not without effect, as I could see the exchange of facial expressions between Ahsoka and her master. However, to her credit Ahsoka Tano smiled and politely, albeit without the formality, greeted me in return with an outstretched arm. "Glad to meet you. I'm Ahsoka." I took Ahsoka's offered arm and stood up. I could see a smile on Ahsoka's face. She was genuinely pleased to meet me. I didn't quite know how to react since I had just nearly insulted her.

"It is good to see both of you again," said Skywalker. I looked at Skywalker. He and I had a few interactions as well as a few shared missions when we were both padawans. But I hadn't seen him since he had become a full Jedi Knight.

"I wish it was under more peaceful circumstances," said Master Luminara. It was strange to see Skywalker speaking to Master Luminara as an equal, but Luminara treated him with the same equality. Even if she didn't agree with his methods, she respected his rank within the Jedi Order. Perhaps I should extend the same courtesy to Ahsoka Tano.

A short while later the four of us were standing before a holographic diagram of the droid factory we were going to attack. The factory was on one side of canyon, while the clone army was at the other with only a narrow rock bridge spanning the canyon. Master Luminara and I had already discussed the plan, but now was time to lay it before Skywalker and his apprentice.

"A frontal assault is risky. Our losses will be high," began Luminara.

"But not as high as they will be if that factory comes online," countered Skywalker.

"Indeed. But there is an alternative." Luminara activated the next image on the hologram with her arms. "Every Geonosian building has a series of catacombs beneath it that run deep underground."

It was my turn to contribute. "Some of the tunnels are close enough to this cliff wall so that you could cut a hole and make an entry point."

Luminara continued. "Once inside, we could find the main reactor, plant the explosives, and blow the factory inside out."

"Oh, it looks like a good way to get lost, if you ask me," said Skywalker in doubt.

"For the unprepared perhaps," said Luminara. "But I have instructed Barriss to memorize the labyrinth, all two hundred junctions."

"You always were thorough," commented Skywalker. He was right. Master Luminara believed that one should always be prepared. And that was something that she passed down to me. When Luminara asked me to memorize the catacombs, I set to the task with fervor. I could draw that holographic map with my eyes closed.

"It pays for one to be prepared. Right, Barriss?" said Luminara echoing my own thoughts.

"Especially when other people's lives depend on your success," I responded seriously. And that was true as well. I didn't memorize the tunnels merely out of pride. I took my responsibility as a Jedi seriously. It was my job to protect the lives of various people. And it was my responsibility to do the best I could.

"How do we keep the Geonosians occupied while someone else is setting the bombs?" asked Ahsoka.

"Good point, Snips," said Skywalker. 'Snips?' A nickname between master and padawan? And not a flattering one either. What kind of master and apprentice were these two?

"If whoever's going in there is going to be successful," continued Skywalker. "We'll need to create a diversion."

"Precisely," answered Luminara. "That task will be carried out by you and I, Skywalker, while the destruction of the factory falls to the padawans."

"Now, hold on, who decided that?" asked Skywalker with alarm in his voice. "Walking into that factory could be suicide."

"Not if you and I are successful holding Poggle's attention at the bridge," replied Luminara with a slight argumentative tone. When Master Luminara made a plan, she was reluctant to let it go.

"Master, I can do this," argued Ahsoka. "I've had riskier assignments."

"But unlike Barriss, you aren't prepared for this mission," countered Skywalker.

"Not to worry. My padawan is reliable," said Luminara. "She could lead them both through the maze."

"We will be in and out, Master," I said, eager to reaffirm my master's confidence in me.

"See? Dependable Barriss will get us through," said Ahsoka. I was getting the feeling that this argument between Ahsoka and her master was connected to an earlier argument. "Don't worry, Master. As you well know, I can follow orders."

"It's decided then," said Luminara, even though I didn't actually see Skywalker give his approval. Luminara handed Ahsoka the backpack of explosives.

"I guess it is," said Skywalker, reaffirming my suspicion that he was not fully on board.

After syncing our chronometers, Ahsoka and I ran to get into position. The battle was already beginning by the time we made it to the bottom of the cliff. I found the spot where the catacomb tunnel was nearest the canyon, and I cut a rectangular hole with my lightsaber. Using the Force I pulled the stone out, and Ahsoka and I were in.

If everything went as planned, we would be in and out in no time. The factory would be destroyed, and hundreds of clone lives would be saved.

Everything did not go as planned.

Maybe we woke a Geonosian soldier in the catacombs. Or maybe a lucky bystander saw us. Either way, as soon as we had planted the explosives a heavy door opened, revealing the Geonosian Archduke Poggle the Lesser, a tactical droid, several Geonosian soldiers, and one tank the likes of which I have never seen.

Ahsoka and I both activated our lightsabers, hers green, mine blue. The Geonosians fired their sonic blasters, which unlike regular blaster bolts couldn't be deflected by lightsabers. However, we defeated the first wave of Geonosians. Then the tank fired.

"See if your stupid tank can take this!" challenged Ahsoka as she threw a spare explosive. It attached itself to the tank.

The tactical droid laughed. "Fool! The super tank is impervious to all weap…" The explosive blew up the droid, but the tank was unharmed. It continued to advance on us, firing all the while.

"The bombs!" shouted Ahsoka. I looked where we had planted the bombs only to see the Geonosians collecting the last of them. I didn't know what to do, but Ahsoka jumped forward, and grabbed the legs of two of the Geonosians. They flew around with her hanging on for only a little while until they slammed her into a wall. She fell to the ground stunned. It was a desperate but foolish idea. I jumped forward to protect Ahsoka with my lightsaber. Meanwhile, the Geonosians escaped into the catacomb hatch with our bombs. I tried to stop them, but the hatch closed before I could reach them.

The plan had failed! The bombs were gone, the tank was closing on my position, and Ahsoka lay unconscious. A brief moment of anger flared up, and I felt a sneer from on my face. All my preparations were useless.

The tank opened its top shell revealing heavy artillery canons. I saw my opening. I activated my lightsaber and jumped on top of the tank. Cutting a hole, I entered the tank and destroyed the two control droids. I then opened the front hatch. By this time Ahsoka had come to. She jumped in.

"The bugs took the bombs," I said to Ahsoka.

"What are we going to do now?" she asked. It caused me pain. Ahsoka was counting on me. So were Masters Luminara and Skywalker and the whole clone force out there. But I had no idea what to do next.

"I don't know what to do without the bombs," I voiced my concern.

Ahsoka looked around. "Well, this tank could destroy the power generator." She lowered her head slightly. "And probably us along with it."

I took in the full ramifications of the plan. "I guess that's our only choice." This was the life of a Jedi. To lay down one's own life for the common good. Mine and Ahsoka's deaths would save the lives of hundreds if not thousands.

Ahsoka didn't argue. Instead, she called out on her comm. "Master, can you hear me? Master?"

Skywalker's voice responded with blaster fire in the background. "Ahsoka, set off the bombs! We're trapped!"

"I'm sorry, Master. We can't make it out."

"Can't make it out?" asked Skywalker. Ahsoka looked at me. I gave her a nod. Skywalker kept talking. "Ahsoka, wait!"

Ahsoka put her finger to the button and said, "Fire."

I felt the most violent movement in my life. The tank was tossed this way and that in the explosion. Not even the Force could stabilize me at that moment. Ahsoka and I were tossed about within the tank. How I didn't get knocked out was beyond me.

Finally, all movement stopped. The tank's controls were offline, and it was pitch-black inside. After a few seconds of silence in the dark, Ahsoka and I activated our lightsabers for illumination.

"How deep do you think we're buried?" I asked Ahsoka.

"It's probably best not to think about it. Hand me that power cell, would you?" I did as Ahsoka asked. "Thanks. Mind holding the light?" She handed me her lightsaber.

"Whatever you're doing, I hope it works, because I'd sure rather have died fighting up there than starve to death down here." It was a touch of pride, the desire to go out fighting. But it was also that I didn't want to die a slow painful death.

"Don't worry. We'll run out of air long before we starve," said Ahsoka with a slight smile and a shrug of her shoulders.

"That's a comforting thought. Thanks," I replied with a touch of humor. Ahsoka might have been a strange padawan, but she was a comforting presence as death neared.

"Master Skywalker has taught me a trick or two. I think I can get this communicator working."

As Ahsoka worked, I could feel my body grow weaker. Our air supply must be running out. I began to prepare myself for death. My life didn't matter compared to all those lives I had just saved. It was a noble sacrifice, worthy of the Jedi. Indeed, I could pass on to the Cosmic Force in peace, knowing that I had done well. Aloud I said to Ahsoka, "What happens to us now doesn't matter. By destroying the factory, we've saved countless lives elsewhere."

"Well, I'm about to save two more," was Ahsoka's response. She began tapping the large power cell against the small communicator. "Master, I know you're up there, and I know you're looking for me." She grew tired and dropped the communicator. I deactivated my lightsaber. Still holding Ahsoka's green lightsaber in my left hand, I reached out to her. She grasped my hand. We stayed together for I don't know how long.

Just as I was about to pass out, I heard a noise. Ahsoka heard it too. "Someone's digging." Then a piece of debris moved, and a glorious ray of light showed. I never thought I would be so happy to see sunlight!

Ahsoka and I climbed out of the debris coughing as we did. I saw Master Luminara. She called out, "Barriss!" Skywalker also called out, "Ahsoka!"

We climbed out to meet them. Some clone troopers helped us. I saw Skywalker turn to Luminara. I could just barely make out his words. "I knew they were still alive. I told you we shouldn't give up on them." Give up on us? What did he mean by that?

Luminara responded. "It's not that I gave up, Skywalker. But unlike you, when the time comes, I am prepared to let my student go. Can you say the same?" That was the Jedi philosophy, to let go of all that you fear to lose.

I was able to climb up to Master Luminara. "Padawan, you did well," she said to me.

"Thank you, Master." I bowed my head in gratitude. "But if it weren't for Ahsoka, we'd still be down there."

"Indeed," said Luminara as she turned towards Ahsoka. "Your master never lost faith in you."

I smiled. The plan hadn't worked, but the mission was accomplished anyway. And I was happy to be alive. But then a strange feeling came over me. Was it wrong to feel happy at my own survival? Surely it wasn't wrong for Ahsoka to fight to stay alive. She had made the same choice I had: to give her life for the mission. But when she found a way to survive, she took it.

Was Master Skywalker wrong to attempt to save us? It sounded like my master hadn't put in the same effort. These were new questions for me. I had been in danger countless times before, but never had I faced death so directly.

These questions were nothing some meditation now and some questions to Master Luminara later couldn't handle. Ahsoka and I got on board a gunship and headed back to a Republic cruiser to rest and heal.

On the Republic cruiser, I received a bit of medical treatment which was mostly a healthy supply of oxygen with a slight bacta mist to revive my lungs after the ordeal of being trapped with Ahsoka in the rubble of the weapons factory. Otherwise, I focused on meditation and rest. After two days I felt as good as new.

Apparently, those days had not been uneventful for my master. Luminara had been taken captive by Geonosians. I was a bit dismayed that my master had been in danger, and I was not there to help her. But Master Kenobi and Skywalker rescued her and captured the Geonosian leader Poggle the Lesser in the process. Now Ahsoka and I were returning to the planet on board a Republic shuttle. There Anakin Skywalker volunteered Ahsoka and I for a medical supply run to Dantooine via the medical station near Ord Cestus.

I was happy to help. Bringing medical supplies and similar relief missions were normal for the Jedi. I had a bit of mixed feelings about being paired with Ahsoka again. I found her to be an unconventional Jedi padawan. Her outlook on things was very different than mine. Yet, her care and concern for me during our time together trapped in that tank had moved me. And she was enjoyable to be around.

Poggle was loaded onto the shuttle that brought Ahsoka and I down, while we boarded a medical frigate with a squad of clone troopers. The trip was likely to be uneventful, so after informing Master Fisto of our departure, Ahsoka and I retired to our bunk room.

With the lights down low, I lay on my back. I began a relaxation meditation to bring peace and calm to my mind. I didn't need the Force to realize that Ahsoka was less successful than I. I could hear her toss and turn. Then I could feel her eyes on me. "What? What is it?"

"Ah, it's too quiet. It's a big change from all the fighting the last few days."

"You should enjoy this peace while it lasts," I told her. Ahsoka was strange. A Jedi who couldn't find peace. What was this war doing to her?

"I can't," replied Ahsoka. "Let's go eat." I wasn't particularly hungry, but neither was I particularly tired. While I preferred the peace and quiet, I figured I would indulge Ahsoka's desire. We both grabbed our lightsabers, a Jedi never leaves hers behind, and walked to the mess hall.

To my surprise, as we ate alone in the mess hall, Ahsoka opened up about the very thing I was thinking. "I was just thinking about what you said earlier about enjoying the peace while it lasts. As a Jedi, I'm not sure I know how to do that." I found that to be an odd statement for a Jedi, until I realized that unlike me who had been a padawan during a time of peace, all Ahsoka had known since becoming an apprentice was war.

"Master Windu has said we are keepers of the peace, not warriors." I was present at the meeting with Master Luminara when Master Windu had said that very line to Chancellor Palpatine. That was just before the war broke out. "However, once the war is over, it will be our job to maintain the peace."

"Yes, but will we do so as keepers of the peace or warriors?" asked Ahsoka. "And what's the difference?"

"I don't have all the answers, Ahsoka. Like you, I'm a learner." A very true statement. While I didn't reveal it on the outside, Ahsoka's questions were troubling. Was there a difference between the Jedi in a time of peace and in a time of war? And if there was, should it be so? So, I deflected the question back to Ahsoka. "What does your master tell you?"

"Anakin?" asked Ahsoka in slight surprise. "Oh, um, you might find some of his thoughts on the future, uh, bit radical." She spaced her index finger and thumb just a bit apart in a 'lit bit' expression.

"Really? Why?" I was actually very curious. Ever since meeting Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka I had been curious. He was such a different master than Luminara. I had thought that all Jedi Masters were the same, but clearly Skywalker was different. Yet, the Jedi Council had seen fit to assign him a padawan. There must be something worth learning from him.

"Let's just say my master will always do what needs to be done. I'm not even sure how peacetime will agree with him." Ahsoka left it at that, and we continued our meal.

But now I was the one with questions. Always doing what needs to be done? At first that sounded like a problem. But if the Jedi's job was to bring and keep peace, sometimes action would be called for. Was there some merit in such a mentality? Would there be a time when I would be faced with a difficult decision and have to do whatever needed to be done to save lives and correct injustice? I hoped that I would never have to face such a decision.

Such a decision came quicker than I thought.

As Ahsoka and I were finishing our meal, we were attacked by two clone troopers in the mess hall. We were able to disarm and subdue them none lethally. Fearing that the ship had been take over, Ahsoka and I along with a clone trooper named Trap headed to the bridge. Just outside the bridge the security shields went up.

As I was attempting to override the controls, I sensed that something was wrong. I turned just in time to see Trap aiming his blaster at Ahsoka. I activated my lightsaber and deflected two blaster bolts before destroying his weapon. But then the clone reached out for me. He knocked away my lightsaber.

But the worst was when a worm of sorts came out of his mouth towards me. "He's infected!" I tried to get away from the worm. I summoned my lightsaber to my hand, pressed the business end to Trap's gut, and activated the weapon. Trap fell to the ground, dead.

But the worm had come out of Trap and wrapped itself around me. I returned my lightsaber to my belt and grabbed at the worm with both hands. "Get this thing off me!" I got a hold of it and threw it away from me. Ahsoka cut it in half with her lightsaber.

The worm withered on the deck. Ahsoka shuddered. "Ugh, what is that?"

"Looks like some type of parasite. It must be controlling their actions."

"Mind control. Well, that explains a lot," said Ahsoka. "Trap was my friend. He would have never tried to kill us." For a moment, I felt pain. I had just killed Ahsoka's friend! But I put it out of my mind. A Jedi could not hold attachments. I did what had to be done, just as Ahsoka said her master would do.

Concluding that the parasites were from Geonosis, Ahsoka and I decided to quarantine the ship and contact Master Fisto. But to our horror we discover that more than a few clones were infected. We even had to watch them insert a worm into another clone. And apparently there were parasites meant for us. After being discovered, Ahsoka and I escaped in the vents.

After we silently watched a trio of clone troopers pass underneath our air vent, I came up with a plan. "I'll go to the reactor room and disable the thrusters. You head for the aft comm-center and send a warning to Master Fisto. We have to stop the ship from reaching the medical station."

As we continued to crawl in the vent, Ahsoka said, "I don't know, Barriss. I think we should stay together."

"As do I. Unfortunately, that's not a luxury we have right now. One of us must succeed, Ahsoka." Then using her own words against her, I said, "If you need to, you'll do what must be done. I know it."

"Yes, of course. Then I'll see you soon." With that Ahsoka crawled off, and I set to my mission.

I proceed to the reactor room mainly through the air vents, but the last little bit I dropped down into the corridors. As a Jedi, I was very well trained in stealth. In addition to walking quietly and keeping my breath low, I had an assortment of Force tricks to either distract others or direct their mind away from me. I could also sense people nearby.

However, these tricks were not enough, as I didn't sense the electrical booby trap just outside the reactor room. It was set on a high enough setting to cause significant pain, and I screamed as it hit me. I fell to my knees and tried to fight off the slight paralysis. I turned to see a clone trooper pick up my lightsaber which I apparently dropped. "If there's one thing we clones know, it's how to stop a Jedi," he said.

I was surrounded. One of the clones approached me with a parasitic worm. A sudden fear came upon me, greater than the fear of dying in that buried tank. This was a fate worse than death.

"Noooooo!"

The Geonosia parasite worked its way through its new host's mind. It was a strange symbiotic relationship. Both parasite and host were aware, and their thoughts were one. But the parasite had all the control. It could not only see all of the host's memories, but could use the host's abilities and skills. And this parasite had the true pleasure of infecting a Jedi with all her skills in the Force.

The parasite was also armed with the knowledge of the Jedis' plan. They had stopped the Jedi at the reactor room, but the other one, Ahsoka Tano, was in the aft comm-center. As the parasite used its new body to follow the infected clones, it turned away and headed for its next objective. Just as the host's memory said, the other Jedi was in the comm-center. Using the Jedi skills of stealth, the parasite silently came close to its target.

The other Jedi girl was talking to her master on the comm. The parasite waited silently behind a glass tactical screen and waited for her to finish. It was unlikely they could infect two Jedi. It would be easier to just kill this one.

"Find Barriss and wait for my signal," said Ahsoka Tano's master. Ahsoka nodded and the comm line was closed.

The young Jedi turned to the parasite's host. "Barriss, you're back. We're you successful?" The young girl's expression turned to one of suspicion. "Barriss…What's wrong?" The parasite extended its host's hand and summoned the Force. "Barriss, no!" The parasite pushed out with the Force shattering the tactical screen and sending the glass at young Tano. The Jedi girl used the Force to move the glass away from her. "I'm your friend. Barriss, snap out of it!" But there was no snapping out of this. The parasite had full control of its host.

The parasite snarled as it activated the blue lightsaber. Feeling the power of the blade and the power of the Force was incredible to the parasite. It was going to enjoy this.

With a Force assisted jump the parasite leaped through the frame of the tactical screen and came down with a two-handed downward blow. The blue and green blades clashed for a second. Then the Jedi girl pushed the parasite's blade aside and in so doing she aimed a hip level blow. The parasite, armed with its host's full knowledge of lightsaber dueling, blocked low. The blades still engaged with each other moved around until they were crossed to the parasite's left.

The parasite blocked a shoulder height blow, then struck back, meeting Ahsoka's blade in the middle. Another vertical strike to Ahsoka's right was blocked. The two of them came closer to together, blades still engaged. "Barriss, it's not you. It's the creatures. Fight them." The host felt regret, but she was powerless to fight back against the parasite.

The Jedi girl disengaged her blade and delivered a kick to the host's abdomen. The parasite felt the pain, but it was the host's pain, not the parasite's. The host fell to the deck floor, and the Jedi girl ran. The parasite commanded its host's body to stand and pursue.

Ahsoka ran. She ran away from Barriss. It wasn't a question of whether she could beat Barriss in a lightsaber fight. Ahsoka had no desire to fight her friend. And if there was a way to end this without killing Barriss, Ahsoka was going to find it.

Ahsoka felt a Force push against her. However this parasite controlled its host it could use the Force through Barriss. The Force push threw Ahsoka into a wall. She just got her lightsaber in a defensive position when Barriss, or rather the parasite controlling Barriss, struck. But she hadn't gotten to her feet yet. Utilizing her opponent's weak position, the infected Barriss tried to push against Ahsoka's blade. Ahsoka had to match the strength to prevent both blades from cutting into her. Ahsoka pushed with all her might. After gaining some separation between her and Barriss she gave Barriss another kick. Ahsoka was determined to use non-lethal means. But for how long could she keep this up?

With Barriss knocked back. Ahsoka got to her feet and took up a defensive position. She blocked two blows, then narrowly moved her head back from a sweep meant to decapitate her. The infected Barriss was fighting to kill!

Ahsoka retreated walking backwards. She dodged an upcut swing, then a thrust, then a vertical slice with a back flip. Barriss over extended, and Ahsoka swept her feet from under her. Barriss nearly caught her fall, but Ahsoka kicked her again. Ahsoka turned and ran. She made a turn in the corridor, then leaped up into the ventilation shaft above. She waited until she saw Barriss pass underneath her.

The parasite continued its search, but the Jedi girl was nowhere to be found. After several minutes, there came a change. The airducts began pumping out a white fog. Was it poisoned gas? The smell of it didn't seem poisonous. But searching the host's memory, the parasite did recognize the smell of starship engine coolant. In extreme amounts that could kill the host's body, but not in these amounts.

But it was making the corridors cooler. Not a problem for the host's body, but it was a problem for the parasite itself! It had to find the Jedi girl.

Rounding a corner, it found what it was looking for. "There you are! You can't hide from me," said the parasite to the Jedi girl. It activated the blue lightsaber, but the Jedi girl jumped up into the airduct. The air up there was so cold, the parasite couldn't pursue.

The only way to catch this Jedi girl was to anticipate where she would go next. Before the parasite had taken over its host, the two Jedi girls were trying to get to the bridge. That would be where she would head next. And the parasite would catch her there.

Ahsoka crawled through the freezing airducts. She found a hatch above her. She lifted the grate. She nearly dropped it, as her arms were shaking so much from the cold. Her master, Anakin, had discovered that the worms were vulnerable to the cold. So, Ahsoka had dumped the engine coolant into the life support systems.

She wasn't sure she was in the right spot until she saw the door in front of her. "The bridge, at last." She entered the ship's control room and took the empty pilot's seat. They were arriving at the medical station. Ahsoka looked at the frigate's speed. "We're coming in awfully fast," she noted to herself. She opened the commlink with the station. "This is Ahsoka Tano. Can you hear me? I'm shutting down the engines. I'll try to reverse the…"

Something told Ahsoka to look over her shoulder. She did so just in time to see Barriss. Ahsoka's friend ignited her lightsaber and struck in one swift motion. Ahsoka barely got out of the way. But Barriss' lightsaber hit the controls. The frigate began to fly erratically.

Ahsoka couldn't get around the pilot seat, so she jumped over the backrest. A coolant hose had broken, and it sprayed Barriss in the face. Barriss screamed as the coolant hit her. As the ship rocked back and forth both Ahsoka and Barriss had a difficult time staying on their feet, but Barriss was still intent on killing Ahsoka. With her lightsaber raised she struck at Ahsoka with a vertical slice. Ahsoka dodged to the right of the blow, slipped behind Barriss, and threw her into the side control station.

Ahsoka then grabbed the ruptured coolant line and thrust it at Barriss. The scream that came forth was from both Barriss and the wormy parasite. Ahsoka kept pouring the coolant on until Barriss felt to the floor.

I had been aware of everything. But the parasite had complete control of my body and access to my mind. The parasite could even control the Force through me. It was horrible. And all I could do was watch!

But when Ahsoka hit me with the coolant line, I felt the parasite's pain. It wasn't just my pain at the freezing gas. The parasite was in far greater pain than I. And for the first time I felt a bit of control.

I fell to the ground. I could barely move my body, but I could speak. "Kill me, please," I begged Ahsoka.

Ahsoka responded, "I can't." She turned away from me and climbed on to the co-pilot's seat to look at the medical station out the front window. The parasite regained control and I lurched forward, grabbing Ahsoka by the neck. The parasite wiggled its way out of my mouth and tried to get Ahsoka. With a punch to my face and a kick to my gut, Ahsoka succeeded in pushing me back into the coolant. I looked up. This time Ahsoka had activated her green lightsaber and was posed to strike. I tried to fight the parasite, putting my hands to my head and screaming, but truthfully, I was waiting for Ahsoka to strike. She would do what must be done. She would save the medical station and herself, and she would free me from this horror. At this point I welcomed death.

Then Ahsoka struck.

Ahsoka woke with a start. The worms, were they still out there? Was Barriss still hunting her. Then she saw at the foot of her bed her master, Anakin. "It's all right, Ahsoka. It's okay. You're safe."

"Barriss?" Ahsoka asked.

"Barriss is fine, thanks to your efforts." Anakin looked to his right. Ahsoka followed his eyes and saw Barriss lying on a medical bed on the other half of the room. "And so are the clones," added Anakin.

"What were those things?" asked Ahsoka.

"I think I can help answer that," said Master Fisto as he entered the room. "We had the parasite worms analyzed. They are the same type of creature you found on Geonosis, Master Skywalker."

"We'll have to inform the troops on Geonosis. This parasite might explain how they recaptured the planet the first time. I don't want it happening again."

Master Fisto turned to Ahsoka. "You've been through quite an ordeal, little one."

Ahsoka appreciated the gesture on Master Fisto's part. But right now, she wanted to talk to her master. "Master Skywalker, may I have a word?" Master Fisto gave Ahsoka a nod and walked away for their privacy. Anakin came closer to Ahsoka and sat down on the edge of her bed. "Master, on the ship, Barriss was…gone, and she wanted me to kill her. She told me…"

"But you couldn't do it," said Anakin.

"No. No, I couldn't. But should I have? I mean, it worked out now, but if we had failed, if the ship docked, and the worms spread, and…"

"Ahsoka, it's your duty to save as many lives as you can. Barriss knew you could save thousands if the worms were destroyed, which she thought meant destroying her too. But you did the right thing." Anakin stood up. "You knew the freezing cold would kill the worms.

"Letting go of our attachments is a difficult struggle for all of us. You followed your instincts." Anakin added, "I'm sure she would agree you made the right choice." Then Anakin left the room, leaving Ahsoka to ponder his words.

I heard the whole conversation.

I woke up when Master Fisto was talking about the worm parasites, but I didn't move from my bed. I should have let them know I was awake, but when Ahsoka asked for a private word with her master, I couldn't help myself. I was too curious to hear how Master Skywalker would answer Ahsoka's question. He was so different from Master Luminara.

But Ahsoka's question hit the right spot. I had asked her to kill me. And I did think that it was the right thing for her to do. It was true, as Master Skywalker had said, that I didn't know the cold would kill the parasite. But even so, Ahsoka's choice ran a great risk. She endangered thousands of lives just to save mine!

And this wasn't the first time Ahsoka had saved my life. Back on Geonosis in that buried tank, she had displayed her willingness to sacrifice her own life and mine to complete the mission. But beyond that she worked hard to save my life. Yes, she was saving her own in the process, but I could tell that my life was just as valuable for her in that moment.

Would I have made the same choice if our roles were reversed? No, I don't think I would have. I would have killed Ahsoka to ensure the completion of the mission. But was that the right choice? I had been taught that compassion was essential to the Jedi's life. My master would tell me that compassion for the greater numbers was the right choice in that moment, but what about compassion for the person right in front of you?

Perhaps the most alarming was Ahsoka's admission that she couldn't kill me. Not that she weighed the options, calculated the risks, and then made a decision. She said that she couldn't kill me. Why? Sure, we had developed a bit of a friendship. Sure, we bounded over our shared experience on Geonosis and our time together recuperating. But we had only known each other for a couple of days! And yet she couldn't bring herself to kill me in a dire situation when I was asking her to do it! Wasn't that compassion: to value the life of a person even if you just met her? Was it simply the case that Ahsoka Tano was so compassionate that she wouldn't kill me? Or was it that she couldn't kill me because of attachment to our beginning friendship?

These questions used to be so easy for me. The way Master Luminara explained them seemed so clear. But now, I was struggling. And, I had to admit, a seed of doubt was arising. I couldn't dismiss the question.

Was it compassion or attachment that caused Ahsoka Tano to spare my life? And what was the difference?