It was the morning after Ravenpelt's death. Wasppaw was only now feeling the shock dissipate, though only slightly. Of course he wasn't a stranger to death. He'd killed his fair share of prey since becoming a 'paw. But that was different. This was different. He hadn't interacted much with Ravenpelt, much less spoken to him, but the old tom had still been a clanmate. Still been family. And to find him laying in his den, gone to sleep never to awake, after attending his first gathering? It had all been too much. It made him realize just how young, how weak he was. How easy it was to be here one moment, and the next to be among your ancestors in Starclan.
Wasppaw sat up, shaking moss from his fur. Ivytail had made him sleep in the medicine cat den, just in case. The tom in question was still asleep, and Wasppaw took the opportunity to pad out of the den and into the open camp. Ravenpelt lay where his body had been moved to for vigil. Jaystar had remained next to him all night. Now she pressed against Brackenfur's side, seemingly asleep. The tom's expression was stern and unmoving, as if daring anyone to wake her. Wasppaw had no desire to do so, making his way to the apprentice's den and stepping inside. Brownpaw raised his head as he entered, standing up and closing the distance, The two toms pressed together, taking comfort in each other's warmth. They stood like that for several long moments, Brownpaw eventually pulling away.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered.
"It's not your fault," Wasppaw said, shaking his head. "If not me or you, somebody else would've found him when the sun rose."
"Still, I can't imagine how it must have felt," his friend replied, his expression somber and full of pity. Wasppaw was strangely glad for it. It showed the tom cared, even when Wasppaw already knew he did.
The red and black tom wordlessly nodded, then took a deep breath. "Come on," he said softly, then turned and exited the den. Brownpaw followed him out, both 'paws silent as they waited for everyone else to wake up too.
Jaystar awoke slowly, though she remained still. She was aware of the warmth pressing into her left flank and the cold on her right. After a moment she opened her eyes, looking left and up to find Brackenfur there, unmoved from his position overnight. He turned to look at her, his expression softening.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, and she felt that aching grief settle into her stomach as the night came rushing back. Her father was dead, joining her mother and her littermates in Starclan. Her eyes burned, the she-cat pressing her face into his shoulder. The tom lay his head atop hers, desperate to comfort her any way he could.
After a moment she pulled back, sitting up properly and looking around. Wasppaw and Brownpaw sat by the apprentice's den, making small talk to try and ignore the body in the center of camp. Her heart ached for Wasppaw. He hadn't deserved to go through that.
Shaking her head, Jaystar stood and took a breath to settle herself. She nodded, then turned and padded towards the outcroppings leading to Highledge.
"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath the Highledge for a clan meeting," she called once at the top, and cats began to leave dens almost immediately. It seemed most cats had found it difficult to sleep after such a sudden loss.
Jaystar waited for everyone to be present, spotting Cloverfoot sitting next to Wasppaw and Brownpaw, tail curled around her son. Cherrytail sat behind the three.
"Ravenpelt is dead," she said, finding it surprisingly difficult to get the words out. "I have sat vigil for him, as has Brackenfur. It is time for the rest of you to say your goodbyes. Cloverfoot, Brackenfur, Tigerstripe and I will bury him at sunhigh." She couldn't find the strength to say anything else, simply dipping her head and descending down into the camp proper. Her clanmates began to approach Ravenpelt's body to pay their respects one at a time.
Wasppaw waited to go last, Cloverfoot waiting with him. He didn't know the first thing to say or think. He knew the tom had fathered Jaystar and Cloverfoot, but he'd never really been close to him. They'd never really spoken or interacted unless they happened to come close together, though those had always been simple pleasantries.
A part of him wished he had taken the time to get closer to the older tom. Another part was glad he hadn't, else his death had hurt all the worse.
He mumbled an awkward goodbye, not sure what else to say, then turned and padded away. Lakesplash sat a short distance away, and he approached the older tom in hope he might be able to take his mind off it.
"Wasppaw, if you need to take a day to collect yourself…" He trailed off as the red and black tom shook his head.
"I need out of camp," he said. "I need something to do. Something else to think about."
"I understand," Lakesplash replied. "I'll ask Brackenfur if he wants Brownpaw to come with us."
"I'd prefer just the two of us," Wasppaw said, surprising even himself. Lakesplash blinked, opening his mouth to ask if the younger tom was sure, then slowly closed it and nodded in understanding.
They walked out through the camp entrance in silence.
"You didn't deserve that," Lakesplash said as they walked, approaching the mossy clearing. "I know you know that, but...Starclan above, I'm so sorry."
Wasppaw felt a spark of irritation. He understood everyone was grieving, but the last thing he wanted to be thinking about was Ravenpelt. Thinking about it just brought him back to the moment he'd realized the tom was dead, the coldness of his body. How he'd looked so peaceful, as if he'd simply gone to sleep and was soon to wake up.
A part of Wasppaw hoped he could go that peacefully, when it was his time, but he shook the thought away quickly.
"Let's just do battle practice," the young tom said. He padded into the center of the clearing, then turned to Lakesplash only to find him still at the edge, a strange look on his face. "Lakesplash?"
The older tom shook his head.
"Sorry, of course," he said. "I just…" He shook his head again, not wanting to burden Wasppaw with it, and approached. "Let's go over the basics. A good warrior knows many moves, but a great warrior masters the basics. Why?"
Wasppaw paused to think.
"Because every move builds off them in one way or another," he eventually answered. "So a mastery of the basics means a better understanding of more advanced techniques."
"That's right," Lakesplash said with a nod. "So let's get started, see how much you remember."
The pair trained until well after sunhigh, at which point Wasppaw asked if they could do a border walk, just to check the markers. Lakesplash was happy to agree, happy to let the younger tom have this time to pretend that it was just another day. That they hadn't lost a clanmate, that he hadn't lost family. A part of him wished he could've had that when he'd been Wasppaw's age, but he was determined to give it to him regardless.
As they approached the Skyclan border, Wasppaw took a breath and sighed softly.
"Not every cat is that lucky," he said. "To join Starclan the way Ravenpelt did. We're peaceful now, but...how long will it last? The silence has to break eventually, right? It'll probably be over something small, something pointless like so many other fights in the past. Maybe it'll be important. But cats will die. Some of them may die quickly, but a lot won't."
Lakesplash frowned in concern. "Where's this coming from, Wasppaw?" he asked worriedly.
The younger tom was silent for a long moment.
"It's just made me think," he finally explained. "I've killed my fair share of prey, just like every other cat in Thunderclan, just like every cat in the other clans. So I know what death is. But it's always seemed…"
"So far away. Like it was something that happened to prey, not us." Lakesplash finished for him, Wasppaw nodding.
"I know that's ridiculous, but…" The red and black tom sighed. "I don't know. I guess I just never gave it much thought until now, and I'm struggling to accept it. That you can be gone, just like that."
Lakesplash was silent a moment.
"I wish I could tell you that it gets easier," he eventually said, his voice soft and somber. "But it doesn't. It'll never not hurt. But...I think the pain is good. It reminds us that there's good out there. That life may be hard at times, but it'll always be worth living for the good we get." Lakesplash glanced at his apprentice. "My mentor, Reedwhisker, told me that shortly before he died. It took me a long time to understand it. But I'm glad he did. He made me the cat I am today, and without him, I never would've had the courage to confess to Sagepatch. And who knows where we'd all be today if not for that."
"I'd probably have Spottedfur or Echofoot as a mentor," Wasppaw said, making a face of displeasure. Lakesplash chuckled.
"What a nightmare that would be," he replied playfully, getting a small smile out of the younger tom.
"What a nightmare," Wasppaw said in quiet agreement.
As they approached the last marker near the lake, Wasppaw heard a rustle in Skyclan territory and turned his head, curious. Lakesplash turned as well. A patrol stepped out of the bushes. Wasppaw only recognized Snowthroat, and only because he'd been at the Gathering. The other cats were a mystery to him. Two of them had been at the Gathering, though he did not know their names.
"Lakesplash," Snowthroat said with a respectful dip of his head.
"Hello, Snowthroat," the gray tom said. "How is Skyclan today?"
"It's doing fine," he answered. "Yourselves?"
Lakesplash hesitated, unsure if it was his place to tell them.
"Ravenpelt has joined Starclan," Wasppaw said, and Snowthroat blinked in surprise. He was silent a moment, as if unsure how to respond.
"I'm sorry to hear that, little one," he finally said, dipping his head. "If memory serves, he was Jaystar and Cloverfoot's father, correct?"
"That's right," Lakesplash said. "And thank you. The clan grieves, but we will recover."
"You Thundercats always do," Snowthroat said with a smile. "Nothing ever seems to keep you down for long."
"It's in our blood," Lakesplash said with a small shrug. "Now please, if you'll excuse us, I promised Wasppaw here we'd do a walk of the territory before sundown, and we still need to visit the Windclan border."
"Of course," Snowthroat replied, bowing respectfully. "Be safe, the both of you. Hollypelt detected the scent of a few strange cats early this morning near the far edge of our territory. Probably just loners passing by, but you can never be too careful." He jerked his head away from the lake, deeper into the forest.
"If it was only a couple, I doubt we have much to worry over," Lakesplash said. "Though I thank you for the warning, nevertheless."
Wanting to put names to pelts, Wasppaw stepped forward. "May I ask who the cats with you are?"
Snowthroat paused, somewhat surprised, then nodded. "This is Tawnyspots, Berrynose, and Hawkheart," he said, gesturing to a tortoiseshell tom, white she-cat with a red splotch around her muzzle, and brown tabby she-cat respectively. Tawnyspots and Hawkheart had been the cats he'd seen at the Gathering.
"So this is the young tom that caused such a stir so many Gatherings ago," Hawkheart remarked, which surprised Wasppaw. He'd assumed that everyone would have heard about him, since kits were always announced at Gatherings much like new apprentices and warriors, but he didn't think it would have been that big a deal. He wasn't the first cat to be born with a mystery father, and he highly doubted he would be the last.
Berrynose hummed. "Still a 'paw, but he's growing nicely," the she-cat said. "If he keeps it up, I think he may get bigger than Lakesplash here."
Lakesplash chuckled. "You think so?" Tawnyspots and Hawkheart nodded in agreement.
Wasppaw shuffled awkwardly. "Thank you," he said with a dip of his head.
"You two stay safe," Snowthroat said. "It's been a long time since strange cats have been around. I get a unique feeling this won't be the last we see of this one."
"You as well," Lakesplash said with a polite dip of his head. "And yes, I fear you may be right. For the time being, we will keep watch, and pass the warning along to Windclan should we run into a patrol tonight."
With that, the Skyclan patrol resumed their duties. Lakesplash and Wasppaw began to make for the lake, then followed it along until they came to the Windclan border. Wasppaw checked the scent markers, letting Lakesplash take care of the ones that needed redone. The pair were silent, about halfway between the lake and the top of their territory when a familiar scent touched Wasppaw's nose. He stopped, head turning and ears perking up to catch any sounds nearby.
"Moorwind?" he called, which got Lakesplash's attention. The older tom abandoned the scent marker and quickly padded closer. Wasppaw glanced at him in surprise, then turned back to the creek. Almost as soon as he did, the she-cat in question appeared with visible surprise.
"What are the two of you doing here so late?" the she-cat asked in confusion, clearly not expecting to run into them.
"Could ask the same of you," Lakesplash replied simply, and Wasppaw was reminded of the older tom's suspicions about Moorwind. Wasppaw didn't think they were well founded, though he couldn't blame him for it, especially if it reminded him of Foxear and Fernpelt.
"Fawnpelt has a scratchy throat," Moorwind explained. "She was thirsty, and I used the last of my moss making a ball for the kits to play with, so I'm looking for more to soak. What are you two doing here?" She wasn't going to let it go unanswered, that much was clear. Her persistence reminded Wasppaw of Brownpaw. It seemed like a good trait to have.
"Wasppaw wanted to take a walk of the territory after battle practice," Lakesplash answered, seemingly content to leave the news about Ravenpelt unmentioned. "We went to the Skyclan border first since it's closer. Now we're here. We were just finishing up."
"But, Lakesplash-"
"It's getting late, Wasppaw," the older tom interrupted. "Not to mention cold. I'd rather get back while we still have some light if possible."
The young tom was silent, wanting to argue so he could talk to his friend, but he didn't want to get in trouble. With a nod, he looked to Moorwind. "Good luck," he said, then turned and followed his mentor. Moorwind hummed, confused by Lakesplash's standoffish mood.
The toms made their way back to camp, Wasppaw dipping his head as they parted ways once inside. He grabbed a vole from the fresh-kill pile only to pause, thinking a moment before he approached the steps to Highledge.
"Wasppaw?" came the voice of Jaystar. The she-cat poked her head out. "What's the matter?" Brackenfur looked up from their nest, taking a moment longer to wake up than Jaystar had.
Wasppaw set the vole down. "Sorry to bother you, Jaystar," he said. "I, uh...I didn't realize you were asleep already. I thought you might like this." A paw nudged the vole. Jaystar's expression softened.
"You have it, Wasppaw," she said with a smile. The young tom hesitated, then dipped his head and leaned down to pick it back up. "How are you feeling?"
"Oh, uh...I'm fine, thank you," he answered, caught off guard by the question. A heartbeat passed. "Are you?"
Jaystar hummed. "I'm better than I was this morning," she said after a moment. "At times like this, sometimes that's all you get."
Wasppaw was silent, nodding in understanding. "Lakesplash, uh...told me something his mentor told him, back before he joined Thunderclan."
"That pain is good. It means there's still good out there, and it's worth living for," Jaystar said, which surprised Wasppaw. He shuffled, feeling weirdly awkward that she'd already known what he was going to say, and nodded. "I appreciate the thought, though. It's better than the gentle platitudes and sorrieseveryone else gives. I appreciate them, of course, but they could be a bit more creative about it."
Wasppaw knew she was using humor to make herself feel better, and he found it working on him as well. "Well, still, sorry to wake you," he said. Jaystar shook her head.
"That's alright," she replied. "Go eat. I know you've had a long day out in the forest."
"Thank you, Jaystar," Wasppaw said, dipping his head politely and picking the vole back up. He dipped his head once more, then turned and made his way down into the quarry. He passed the warrior's den, then paused. Maybe Cloverfoot would like it. He could always get a mouse for himself if she accepted. With a nod, the tom turned and approached the entrance. He carefully stuck his head in, looking around for the she-cat, then found her in seeming deep sleep. There were a few cats between her and the entrance, and he'd feel bad possibly disturbing them just for her to decline. A moment passed as he thought it over, then silently backed up and resumed his walk to the apprentice's den. He ate just outside, then disposed of the remains and hurried to the den to warm up.
Brownpaw was asleep as he stepped inside, Wasppaw laying down in his nest. The tom stared out into the dark camp for some time before he eventually drifted off to sleep.
He was awoken by Brownpaw stepping over him to get out, the first traces of sunlight visible past him. Wasppaw groaned softly and raised his head. Brownpaw turned, surprised.
"Oh, hey, sorry," he said. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine," the red and black tom answered, standing up and stretching. "Sorry I left with Lakesplash yesterday. I just...needed some time alone."
"No, I get it," Brownpaw said with a shake of his head. "I know you two weren't that close, but still. Family is family. You don't need to apologize for needing space."
"Thank you," Wasppaw said, relief washing over him. "It means more than you possibly know to hear that."
"You're my best friend, Wasppaw," the brown tom said with a smile. "I'm not gonna be upset over something like that."
Wasppaw smiled warmly, an unfamiliar but good feeling settling into his chest, then closed the short distance and licked the top of Brownpaw's head. "Thank you," he repeated. Brownpaw gave him a curious look, though simply dipped his head before turning and walking out of the den. Wasppaw followed him out.
It was still early in the morning. The sun hadn't fully risen yet, and only a couple cats were awake. Wasppaw shivered as the cold air greeted him away from the insulation of the den. He glanced around the camp, humming softly to himself.
He saw movement near the nursery out of the corner of his eyes, looking over curiously. Greypelt had walked out, a heartbeat passing before the cold registered and he simply turned around and walked back in. He hadn't left Dustpelt's side since her kitting, and both Bluekit and Vinekit were doing well. They would be apprentices in almost a moon. It would be nice to have them in the den, even if only for a couple moons before Wasppaw and Brownpaw became warriors.
Wasppaw chuckled as he remembered how Ivytail had jokingly claimed they had given Vinekit that name to annoy him, and the blank stare when neither cat had denied it. Cloverfoot had teased him about it almost every other day the following half moon. Wasppaw felt strange seeing her as a warrior. She clearly liked it, but it was still a strange thought to know his mother was more than a queen.
Shaking his head, the young tom approached the warrior's den and stuck his head inside. He found Lakesplash and Sagepatch sharing tongues, both looking up they noticed him. Lakesplash gave him a look saying he'd be out shortly, and Wasppaw wordlessly dipped his head and backed up into the clearing.
Waiting for his mentor, Wasppaw sat a few tail-lengths away from the warrior's den and began to wash himself.
Alder walked through the trees, silent as he kept an eye and ear out for any activity around him. It had been a few days since he'd left Snow, though he had stayed around for a few days to try and befriend the she-cat, she if she knew any more information. She hadn't, though he had liked her a little. She was nice, certainly beautiful, and Holly would likely accept her as who he had been seeing if he could pull off the lie. Whether Holly would really believe him or not was another question entirely.
He decided to stop by if he came back that way. It would probably be a while, possibly a whole season, maybe two, but he would return. He didn't have much choice. Holly had given him until snow-melt to return, which was more time than he'd expected. The biggest surprise was that she had waited as long as she had to send him on this journey. The she-cat she wanted him to find had left seasons ago. He attributed it to Brandy showing up when she had. Holly rarely allowed more than one kit-bearer at a time, and Brandy had announced hers surprisingly soon after arriving.
Alder and Dandelion had surmised Oak had been talking to her for a while before she joined them, and they'd agreed not to bring it up. Holly didn't like secrets, nor surprises. Alder fully expected he would be punished when he returned, and he dreaded finding out how. Oak had been injured just for spending a little too much time playing with his kits instead of hunting. This was so much bigger than that.
With a sigh to himself, the crimson tom came to a stop and stood still for several long moments.
"What am I supposed to do?"