As Abigail left the kitchen, Elizabeth motioned to the small table on the side of the room. "Have a seat, and I'll get us some tea while the bread cools."
Despite the fact that Lillian was the hostess and Elizabeth the guest, the red head did as she was bidden. Elizabeth knew it was because of the turmoil of feelings she had been dealing with and not the lack of proper etiquette. As Lillian sat down, Elizabeth moved toward the counter where two tea cups and saucers had been placed out already. She smiled at Abigail's thoughtfulness. Though she still missed having the older woman in Hope Valley, Elizabeth was very thankful to have her here to help navigate this crisis.
Elizabeth had been looking forward to this being a truly joyous Christmas - something she hadn't experienced since the blizzard that had allowed Jack to spend that last Christmas with her. Though the following year had brought Little Jack into her life, it was shadowed by his father's death and her fear of being a single mother. Jack's first birthday had been bittersweet as she struggled through the emotions of missing Jack yet being attracted to Nathan. Last Christmas might have been more happy if the O'Rourke prisoner transfer hadn't been shadowing Nathan. Though the inquiry board had agreed that he had done nothing wrong in the situation, Nathan had still blamed himself for that Mountie's death - feeling like there was something more he could have done to bring about a different outcome. He had gone through the motions of the holiday for Allie's sake, but it had been clear his heart hadn't been in it. So, she had done exactly what she had told Allie to do - be patient and let her Dad know that she was there for him. They had shared many activities together last year, including Christmas dinner with Bill. Her gift to Nathan had been the red cardinal from the year before. As they were eating at the Grants, Allie had insisted he hang it on the tree. Unable to deny Allie much of anything, Nathan had obliged. However, when he turned from hanging it, Elizabeth had surprised him by being right there and before he could get over his surprise she had done what she wished he had done the year before - she had kissed him.
Things had moved quickly after that. She and Nathan had said their vows on Valentine's day. Nathan had asked for a small celebration and Elizabeth was fine with that. Gabriel, Lillian and Abigail had come from Brookfield - Eleanor assuring the latter two that she could handle the children for one night. Bill had closed the café and recruited Carson to help him cook. Instead of searching for a pastor as the Hope Valley church remained empty, Bill had performed the ceremony. The Coulters, Nathan's mother and Elizabeth's parents and Julie were the other attendees. Elizabeth wouldn't change a thing about the day.
Pushing aside her memories, Elizabeth planned on making sure that despite the turmoil before it, Lillian would feel the same way about her wedding day. She refused to entertain the thought that it wouldn't happen.
Having filled two tea cups, Elizabeth picked up the saucers they were on and moved to the table. Sitting one in front of Lillian, she placed the other in front of the other chair before retrieving the sugar bowl. Turning back to the table, she noticed that Lillian had closed her eyes, as she inhaled the aroma of the chamomile tea. Elizabeth smiled, having done exactly that on more than one occasion. Sometimes, the aroma was just as soothing as the tea itself.
Quietly, Elizabeth sat down, placing the sugar bowl on the table as she did so. She sat quietly, giving Lillian the time she needed for her relaxation method. Eventually, Lillian opened her eyes.
"Sorry," the redhead said, smiling sheepishly as she saw Elizabeth seated across from her.
"No need to apologize," Elizabeth assured her, reaching for a sugar cube. "I've done that myself."
Lillian nodded in acknowledgment as she reached for a sugar cube for her own tea. "Does this get any easier?"
"What do you mean by this?" Elizabeth asked, feeling that she knew full well what Lillian was referring to but wanted her to actually voice the fear. Elizabeth knew that not voicing her fears had allowed her to hide behind them for far too long. They didn't seem as real when kept to yourself, though they affected you just the same.
"Knowing that the man you love could be in danger and not being able to do anything about it. Wondering if the last time you saw him was actually the end."
Yes, that was the feeling that haunted her - first when Jack went off and now with Nathan. "No," Elizabeth confessed. "It doesn't get easier but you do learn how to cope with it better. You stay busy when you can. You lean on your friends, and you pray for them. The not leaning on my friends enough is what I did wrong when Nathan came to Hope Valley. All I could remember was that Jack had been on a training mission - he was supposed to be safe - and that was the time that he didn't come home. When I started falling for Nathan, I was so scared. I bottled up that fright and what I was feeling for Nathan and tried to ignore it. I thought if I didn't acknowledge my feelings then whatever might happen to him wouldn't bother me."
"I did sort of the same thing. After the incident with Sinclair that first fall when Gabriel returned to Brookfield, I told myself that there was no chance for us because I couldn't put the kids' safety at risk like that. Trying to tell the heart to stop feeling what it is feeling isn't easy though. Look at Chuck. Grace didn't come home, and he loved her enough to uproot his life and go to England."
"And are they happy?"
Lillian smiled. "Yes," she replied. "I can always picture her glowing smile as I read her letters."
"Then if Gabriel makes you happy, don't let anything keep you from it," Elizabeth said. "All you are denying yourself is the good times between all the worry. I found that out with the prisoner transfer last fall. I thought I had been protecting my heart but when I heard someone say they thought Nathan had been shot, I knew I hadn't. Hearing those words were just as bad as hearing that Jack wasn't coming home. Despite knowing my mother would frown upon such behavior, I threw my arms around Nathan when I saw him walk into town and vowed not to let him go. Life is going to be full of trials no matter what your social class is or what your profession is, but that isn't something I need to tell you."
Lillian nodded. "I just feel at a loss right now knowing that there is nothing I can do to help Gabriel."
Elizabeth reached out and placed a hand on Lillian's forearm. "But you did do something. You alerted the people who could help him as quickly as you could. Now your job is to pray and be the strength at home while the man you love is out trying to make our world safer. By not trying to take Dylan on alone here, Gabriel kept you and him safe. The Mounties, Nathan especially, are not going to let Dylan go as long as he is holding one of their own which means it will end with another criminal in jail or in a cemetery. Either way, the world is safer."
Lillian nodded. "So Dylan was in prison? What for?"
"Most recently for trying to bribe and assaulting a law officer."
"Nathan?"
Elizabeth nodded. "But he's had a lot of trouble over the years. Nathan confided in me that he thought that he was abusive toward Colleen, but she defended him and Nathan could never prove anything. He wasn't surprised when Dylan took off after his wife's death and though he'll probably never voice it, I have a feeling he was glad about that for Allie's sake."
Lillian nodded. "I wouldn't want to think of Allie being raised by that man I saw here today. I don't like thinking of Gabriel stuck with that man."
"Then don't," Elizabeth told her. "Think about the fact that Gabriel did what he did to protect you and the children, knowing that Nathan and his fellow Mounties would do everything to rescue him. Concentrate on what we need to do to have a wedding when Gabriel comes home and being strong for the children."
Lillian nodded and sipped on the tea.
"Just remember that when you need to vent your own feelings, is what I and your other friends are here for," Elizabeth added.
"I am glad I have you and Abigail here to guide me through this."
"You would be fine on your own Lillian, but for the record, I am glad I am here as well."
The next morning, Joe came out with a telegram for Lillian. The store owner had been doing his own business when the message came in. Wanting to check on Lillian and offer his help with anything that came up, he had offered to deliver it. Lillian read through it silently before sharing the information with everyone else.
"It just says that the Coulters will be here today with more details and that they have a plan worked out and were leaving Hope Valley right after sending this message."
Eleanor, who was bringing the plate of pancakes and bacon out from the kitchen, set both dishes on the table and rested an arm on Lillian's shoulders. "I am sure by tonight there will be even better news," she told the younger woman that she had helped raise.
Lillian nodded. "You're right," she said confidently forcing a smile she didn't feel for the sake of the kids gathered. She folded the telegram and tucked it into the pocket of her skirt as she looked around the kids. "We all have things to do today to make sure things are ready for the wedding and the holiday."
"Cody and I will make sure the wood pile for both the house and the cottage are stacked high," Vincent said, as the two teens took seats at the table. Though Gabriel had made sure the boys knew how to safely handle the ax and chop firewood, it was usually Gabriel making sure they had a plentiful supply of wood. The boys usually helped out by stacking. Still, Lillian knew they could handle the task.
"Are we still picking out flowers, Miss Lillian?" Mary Louise asked. Louisa McDermott, who had the only greenhouse in the area, had told Lillian that she could come choose whatever flowers she needed for the wedding.
"We are," Lillian assured her. She looked to Allie. "We waited thinking you might want to be a part of the outing."
Allie nodded. "That sounds like fun. I've never been to an actual greenhouse though I read about them."
"Then you are going to enjoy seeing Mrs. McDermott's flowers," Lillian assured her.
"Miss Abigail is going to take as to collect pine boughs and create the wreaths and garlands to decorate the hotel," Theo chimed in, speaking for Roy as well. Though the latter boy had settled in at the orphanage, he was still quieter than the other children though he had opened up to Lillian when she approached him one-on-one.
Elizabeth looked to Eleanor. "I would be happy to help you with whatever you need to do today," she assured the housekeeper.
"I would like that. Ronnie's kitchen staff might be doing the main meal but I am doing the hors d'oeuvres and rolls as well as the cake along with my regular tasks."
"What about me?" Jack asked, looking around the table from the chair Elizabeth had helped him into.
Elizabeth looked to Lillian and Abigail, silently asking if they would be okay including Jack in their plans. Both women nodded and she addressed her son. "Well Jack, you can either stay and help me, or you can help Aunt Lillian pick out her flowers, or work on the garlands and wreaths with Aunt Abigail."
"Go with Aunt Abby!" the boy replied almost immediately.
Abigail smiled at the boy's enthusiasm at joining her. "An extra set of hands will be a lot of help," Abigail told him, though all four women knew that Jack's "help" wouldn't necessary make anything easier.
Lillian looked to Joe who had hung around to hear the news from the telegram. "Thank you for bringing out the telegram. Have you had breakfast?"
Joe shook his head. "Breakfast for me is usually a couple of muffins from Pearl's," he admitted. "I'm not a morning person and actually cooking is the last thing on my mind."
"Then please join us even if you have to eat and run to open the store," Lillian invited.
"I always make plenty," Eleanor assured him.
"Thank you," Joe replied nodding. He sat down at the chair Lillian indicated as Eleanor and Abigail went into the kitchen for the rest of the breakfast things.
As Louisa gave Allie and Mary Louise a lesson about her greenhouse and what taking care of the flowers entailed, Lillian walked slowly around the tables of flowers. They were all beautiful, especially in the winter when they were not blooming around the countryside. Though most women looked for roses for their wedding, Lillian walked by them to find the carnations that she knew Louisa grew.
Carnations had been her birth mother's favorite. Some of her earliest memories were her father coming home from a trip to town and presenting her mother with a single carnation. The color always varied but not the type of flower. After last Christmas, Gabriel had started randomly presenting her with single flowers when he stopped by. When he had brought by a red carnation, she remembered her eyes filling with tears as the memory of her parents surfaced. Gabriel had quickly apologized, though he wasn't sure why the flower had brought tears. As he had held her at the foot of the porch steps of the orphanage, Apollo taking advantage of his partner's distraction to graze on the grass, Lillian had assured him he had nothing to apologize for. She had shared the memory with him. A few days later, he had presented her with a bouquet of wildflowers when he picked her up for a dinner at the hotel while the kids were in school, and in the center of the collection of flowers was a white carnation. Since then, he either gave her a single carnation or included a carnation with other flowers.
"Gabriel said you would want carnations at the wedding."
The comment brought Lillian out of her thoughts and back to the greenhouse she was in. Looking from the flowers, she found Louisa and the two girls standing beside her.
"They'll look pretty in your hair, Miss Lillian," Mary Louise said.
"Red and white is a good combination for a wedding," Allie chimed in. "Maybe add some Lilly of the valley for the bouquet."
"These girls have a good eye," Louisa said. Reaching out she carefully cut a red carnation bloom and tucked it behind Lillian's ear. "The deeper red is very becoming against your hair."
Lillian nodded. She knew most wedding bouquets had roses, but the carnations were special to her. It seemed appropriate that they would be the ones she carried.
"How about roses for the centerpieces," Mary Louisa suggested. "The carnations should be special for you."
Lillian laughed. "I like that idea, Mary Louise."
"Still red and white," Louisa asked.
Lillian nodded. "Abigail was going to get some extra pine boughs to intersperse with the flowers for the centerpieces."
"That sounds lovely," the green house owner replied.
"Is Uncle Gabe wearing his dress uniform?" Allie asked.
Lillian shook her head. "No. As we are having a simple ceremony and dinner, he said he was just going to wear a suit."
"Then we should make him a carnation boutonniere as well, so he matches you," the teen declared.
"I like that," Lillian said.
"Let's plan exactly what you want and Abigail and I will cut and put them together the morning of the wedding so they are fresh."
"Are you sure that won't be too much trouble?"
"No trouble at all. Who wants wilted flowers at their wedding," Louisa replied. She looked down at Allie and Mary Louise. "While we get a count why don't you two girls pick out what bloom you would like me to cut so you can take it home to decorate your bedroom. I have some vases I can put them in for you."
"Thank you, Mrs. McDermott," the girls replied before scurrying off.
Lillian smiled. She was glad that the girls had something to dwell on other than Gabriel's absence. She just hoped that Gabriel was back with them soon.