Chapter 88: Champagne Problems
'Bustling crowds or quiet sleepers. You're not sure which is worse.'
-Taylor Swift, 'Champagne Problems.'
Easter used to always be a point of contention for Becca. She used to associate Easter with religion. At least in her experience anyway. David used to make Easter a somber affair. It would be a time for praying and self reflection. It was just another tool he used to manipulate them.
She wanted this Easter to be better. She wanted to enjoy it for the holiday it is. She wanted to make it fun for Matty. She wouldn't think about the religious connotations behind it. She would enjoy it for what it is.
Becca was spending the day working on the memorial garden. It rained in the morning, making the soil wet, which made it a challenge but she was having fun. She planned to make something special and beautiful. The people who lost their lives defending this place deserved to be honored.
She found it therapeutic. She could come here and work on the garden. She could be in her element creating something people could appreciate and enjoy. She didn't miss nursing as much as she used to. She enjoyed being away from all the blood and violence. She could help people in other ways.
Matty was sitting next to her, playing in the dirt while she tended to the garden. She never minded him getting dirty. She let him explore his surroundings and be a kid. Things she never got to do as a child.
While she couldn't show him the world like she wanted to. She could show him what life has to offer. She could teach him not to make the same mistakes she did. He didn't ask to be born in a society like this, but she wanted to make the best of it for him.
Becca looked up at Ellie and Abby working on the mural and smiled to herself. Ellie was painting while Abby helped her with the shading. From the outside looking in you would think they were just friends, but she knew her daughter. Hopefully, she was finding her own happiness as well. Even if they were just friends; she was glad she had someone in her corner. Everyone deserved that.
She smiled brightly when she saw Joel and a few other men walking up to the memorial to help with the repairs. He was wearing a baseball cap, t shirt and jeans. His work boots dirtied and scuffed. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up and it was dirty. The sweat making the shirt cling to his skin.
She shook her head in disbelief. She didn't think it was possible for him to get even more good looking. Ever since she read his first letter she couldn't stop thinking about him. She always did, but it's gotten worse ever since she read what he really thought about her.
He seemed to be looking differently at her too. While they haven't really kissed like the way they used to, but they managed to get close in other ways. She felt closer to him just by talking than she ever did with anything else. Since they've start marriage counseling she noticed a shift in their relationship. For the better.
Rather than arguing about things, they discussed things maturely or walked away from each other before they could say things out of hurt. They weren't quick to anger like they used to be. They were still in a work in progress though. They still had a lot to learn about each other.
He walked over to Ellie and Abby first, admiring her their mural and giving them words of encouragement. She worked on her garden while slyly listening to him. He was a good father and great leader. He didn't consider himself a leader, but the other men looked up to him. They weren't afraid of him anymore. As they shouldn't. He saved this town and the people in it. Most of them wouldn't be alive if it weren't for his bravery.
He smirked as he made his way over to Becca and Matty. He walked slowly, giving himself a few moments to silently admire her. Her denim overalls were dirty with soil and her hair was pulled up in a ponytail. Her back was to him, but he swore he knew what she was thinking. They've started to become in sync lately. Ever since he read her letter, he's become more aware of her.
He read her letter every night before he went to bed. No one's ever written him words like that before. He never knew the things she thought about because she never told him. She was always so guarded with her emotions. She was finally letting him into her deepest desires. He was enjoying getting to learn this side of her.
He crouched down behind her and carefully placed his hands on her shoulders,'Lookin real good, darlin.'
She looked back at him over her shoulder and smiled softly,'Thanks. It still has a ways to go, but it's getting there.'
He leaned over her and gently scooped up Matty,'I ain't talking about the garden. You're doing a fine job. El said you've been at it all morning.'
'I couldn't sleep.' She shrugged,'Matty couldn't either.'
He kissed the top of Matty's head and looked down at her, frowning,'You have another nightmare?'
'Yeah.' She whispered admittedly, seeing no use lying to him,'I don't have them much anymore, but when I do. They're…bad.'
He remembered in the beginning of their relationship she would come to the farm whenever she had a nightmare. After awhile, she ended up never leaving. She didn't come to the farm in the middle of the night anymore. He wondered if she would ever come home at all.
He sighed and sat down next to her on the ground, stretching his legs out with Matty on his lap,'Is there anything to do to stop them?'
'Not really.' She shook her head,'My therapist gave me some tools though. Whenever I have a nightmare I write about it in my journal. Just to get the thoughts out. I took Matty for a walk this morning. It helped clear my head.'
He frowned as he carefully placed his hand on her leg,'If it's ever early in the morning and you need to get outta Maria's house. Just come up to the farm.' He shrugged,'Ya know I'm usually up before sunrise anyway. I could take a walk with ya.'
Her eyes widened as she looked up at him,'I haven't been to the farm in ages.' She dug the shovel into the dirt,'I would be lying if I said I didn't miss it.'
'The farm misses ya too.' He gently squeezed her leg,'Just cause ya ain't living there doesn't mean ya can't come and visit. I ain't talking about staying the night. Just come and say hi when ya can't sleep. I would appreciate it too.'
She smiled tearfully and rubbed his arm, whispering,'Thank you. I would like that.'
He squeezed her leg again and curtly nodded,'I would too.'
He sat with her and played with Matty as she planted some seeds in the dirt. His eyes fixated on her hands as she dug into the dirt. He would imagine those hands running all over his body, burning him like the sun. His intrusive thoughts plague his mind, wondering if and when they would ever be that close again.
'So they're having a Spring festival this Saturday.' She smiled knowingly,'The whole town's gonna be there.'
He nodded and smiled,'So I've heard. You gonna be there?'
'I am.' She looked up at him, giving him a shy smile,'Are you gonna be there?'
'Sure am.' He placed his hand on her lower back and rubbed it absentmindedly,'Now that I know the prettiest girl in town's gonna be there. I ain't missing it for the world. You gonna save a dance for me, darlin?'
She leaned back into his touch, relishing even the briefest affection from him,'I'll save them all for you.'
He seemed pleased by that and nodded silently, smiling to himself. Good. She wanted to make him happy. She wanted to give him all the attention in the world.
She took a deep breath to gather her courage before asking him,'You wanna go together and make it a date?'
He squinted his eyes at her, looking like he was trying to figure something out before he nodded,'Yeah, I would like that.'
'Good.' She nodded and smiled softly,'I wanna show you off and make the ladies jealous.'
He laughed at that as he gently threw Matty up into the air before catching him,'Wear comfortable shoes. I tend to keep ya on the dance floor all night.'
She chuckled and shook her head,'Don't threaten me with a good time.'
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It was the morning of the Spring festival and Becca was running around the house, garnering her and Matty's things before heading out. She wasn't nervous, but excited. She didn't think anything bad would happen today. At least she hoped not anyway.
She wasn't naive. She knew danger would be imminent. There were still people out there wanting them for the cure, but they would cross that bridge when they came to it. They wouldn't worry about those that seek to do them harm. They refused to give them anymore power of them. They were going to be happy and enjoy their lives. Infected or not.
Maria laughed as she watched her running around the living room. She sat on the arm of the couch and crossed her arms over her chest,'Having some date jitters?'
'No.' She shook her head and sighed,'Maybe? I don't know. I think I'm more excited than anything. Do you think I'm being dumb? We're married and dating all over again.'
'If ya wanna get technical about it. You're not legally married.' She held her hands up as Becca gave her a disapproving look,'I know, but I can't help it. It's the lawyer in me. Tommy and I weren't legally married either.'
Becca placed her hands on her hips and sighed,'We're as close to being married as we can. I'm just doubting myself, I guess. When do we start kissing and touching each other? When's too soon or how will we know if we're rushing into things?'
Maria laughed and got up from the couch. She walked over to her and placed her hands on her shoulders, gently shaking her,'Rebecca, I say this with love. Shut up. Stop overthinking things and just enjoy yourself.' She shrugged,'Who in the hell cares if you're starting all over again. At least you're making an effort. This is different this time. You're actually doing things the right away.'
Sometimes Becca felt selfish for burdening Maria with her relationship problems considering her husband was dead, but she's come to realize she needed a friend like Maria. She didn't sugarcoat things and told her like it is. She put things into perspective for her.
'Thank you.' Becca grasped her hands and held them tightly,'You're a good friend.' She looked over her face warily,'Is that guy you've been talking to gonna be there today?'
Maria's eyes widened slightly and she frowned,'How did ya know about that?'
'I know.' She gave her a small smile,'It's Rich isn't it?'
'We're just talking.' Maria shook her head,'He's a sweet man. I enjoy his company, but I'm taking my time and not rushing into anything. I don't really know what I'm ready for to be honest.'
'And that's okay.' Becca shrugged,'It can be whatever you want it to be. Just don't put pressure on yourself. Rich is a sweet man. Joel thinks very highly of him.'
Maria groaned and rolled her eyes,'Don't tell Joel who it is. I don't want him to know yet. You know how he is. He's like my brother.'
Becca laughed and nodded,'Your secret's safe with me.'
Becca could understand where she was coming from. Ever since Tommy died, Joel's been very protective of Maria and Sebastian. While she appreciated it most days, sometimes it was a little much. The last thing they wanted was for Joel to knock someone else out. He's gone almost a whole six months without incident. A new record for him. He was calmer than he used to be. Peter joked ever since Joel's been taking anger management classes the hospital's been a lot less busy.
Maria headed out with Sebastian while Becca waited for Joel to arrive.
She heard the two knocks and felt her stomach fluttering as she went to the door. She smiled when she saw him standing on the porch. He was dressed in jeans and a gray long sleeved Henley. Seeing him in his cowboy hat always did things to her. He fit being a farmer so well.
She opened the door and he felt all the wind being knocked out of him. She wore a yellow spaghetti strapped dress, her hair in a headband with her bangs falling out of it. He always loved her in yellow. It always made her red hair stand out.
He placed his hands on her waist and whistled lowly,'You look fucking beautiful. He gently pulled him to her, leaning back slightly to look over her face, shaking his head in disbelief,'Look at ya.'
She blushed under his scrutinizing gaze and placed her hands on his broad shoulders,'You look pretty handsome too.' She nodded down to her ballet flats,'You told me to wear comfortable shoes.'
He smirked and nodded,'And here I thought ya were gonna wear those heels.'
She averted her eyes downward and grinned, whispering,'You told me to save them for a special occasion.'
He sighed as he looked over her shoulder. He couldn't look at her when she was talking to him like that,'I've been thinking about that special occasion more than I should be.'
She ran her hands down his arms and shook her head,'You can think about me anytime ya want.'
He arched his eyebrow as he gently squeezed her waist,'Anytime, huh?'
'Yeah. Just like I think about you.'
She found herself being pressed back against the door, but he gave her enough space to pull away if she wanted to. She didn't have any intention of pulling away anytime soon. He wasn't being aggressive with her, but he was letting her know the attraction between them was very much alive and well.
He licked his lips as he pressed his forehead against hers, whispering,'Ya think about me, huh? Just like what ya said in your letter?'
He closed his eyes and sighed. He was giving too much away. It was pathetic, but he could probably recite the letter by heart. If he didn't think it would get ruined or lost he would carry it around with him.
She nuzzled her forehead against his, whispering,'I read your letter every single day.' She sighed shakily as his lips hovered over his,'No one's ever written me anything like that before.'
'Likewise, darlin.' He pressed his lips against her forehead, letting his mouth linger against her skin,'You don't know what those words did to me.'
'I meant every word, Joel. I hope you know that.' She cupped his bearded cheek,'I already started on the next one.'
He closed his eyes and groaned softly. He didn't think his heart could take another one. He was already writing her next one too. He was never a man of pretty words. He still isn't, but it was easy to write what he felt for her. He didn't even have to think about it.
He held her face in his hands, his eyes looking over her, seeming to go everywhere at once. He leaned in closer to her and nuzzled into her neck, breathing her in. He couldn't help himself. He could be affectionate with the woman he was dating. The woman he wanted to be with for the rest of his life.
She sighed softly and grasped his waist. She slid her hands underneath his shirt, wanting to feel his skin. It was warm to the touch. This is what she's missed the most of all. While lying alone in bed at night she always felt cold and empty. She missed the warmth only he could provide. His body was like a furnace.
She chewed on her bottom lip nervously as she looked up at him,'Is this okay?'
'Yes.' He shook his head as he pressed a quick kiss to her neck. They haven't fully kissed. They've kissed their last couple dates, but they didn't want to do too much too soon. He hasn't fully tasted her the way he wanted to.
'You can always touch me.' He pressed his nose against her neck, his words muffled by her skin,'I always want ya touching me. It's what I missed, darlin.'
She knew what he was talking about. Before their separation, she had been distant. Cold and aloof. She seemed to recoil whenever he tried to touch her. It was rare she would show him affection. She was freely giving it without fear or reservations. She had no idea how much this meant to him.
She looked back at Matty, making sure he was still asleep. She slowly wrapped her arms around him, relishing in the feeling of her arms against his bare skin. She splayed her hands on his lower back, feeling his warmth radiating from within.
She rested her head on his chest and held onto him tightly. He rested his chin on top of hers and held her against him. She clung to him tightly and he kissed the top of her head. He wouldn't ask her what this was about. Maybe she needed the contact as much as him.
He cupped the back of her head, running his hands through her hair,'You okay?'
She looked up at him and nodded, smiling softly,'I'm better than okay.' She leaned up and kissed his lips chastely, whispering,'The night you walked me home after Maria's party. I got myself off thinking about you.' She shrugged,'I thought you should know that.'
His eyes widened and he felt his dick twitch in his pants. He wondered why she chose to tell him that, but he wasn't complaining. She said it so confidently; as if it were the most natural thing in the world to her.
He bit his bottom lip as he lightly pressed the length of his body against hers,'I did too.' He kissed her forehead, whispering,'I couldn't help it. Ya looked so good that night. Those heels drove me crazy. I want you wearing them one night when I finally get to have ya again.'
Her eyes widened at his words, but she didn't shy away from them like she would before. She surprised him by pulling him closer against her. They didn't touch, but just held each other.
Joel slid his hands up to cradle her face. He stared at her long and hard, whispering roughly,'You do that all the time? Touch yourself thinking about me?'
'I do.' She leaned her head back against the door, groaning softly as he kissed and nuzzled into her neck,'Almost every night actually.'
He was shaking slightly at her words. He placed his arm against the door above her head. His hands clenched into tight fists at his sides. He shoved the lust down as deep as it could go, but this was healthy to talk about these things. They needed to know how much they meant to each other.
His tongue moved around in his mouth and he gritted his teeth, trying to come up with the words to fully express to her what he was thinking, but it would never do her justice. Nothing he could come up with in his head was better than the real thing.
Becca pressed kisses up his jaw, whispering,'One day, I wanna touch myself when you're watching me. I want you to see me getting myself off thinking about you. And I want to watch you. My therapist think it'll be good for us.'
He moaned softly at her words. He could already imagine it. He didn't know how he would be able to keep his hands off her, but he would do it. Just to see her touch herself. To see her pussy wet and glistening with her juices, knowing it was for him.
He bit the inside of his cheek when he felt precum leaking out of his cock. He was already hard as soon as he laid his eyes on her. He leaned away from her so she wouldn't feel it, but when she looked down and her eyes widened he knew there wasn't any mistaken in.
She would be lying if she said she wasn't pleased with herself when she saw his erection. Her therapist was teaching her to become more comfortable and comfortable in her sexuality. She was excited to explore this with him.
She quickly pressed her hips against his before pulling away,'You don't have to hide it from me. It makes me feel good knowing I do that to you. You got me…turned on too. If you only knew, Joel. I'm so wet.'
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. She was ruining his calm. She made him feel crazy sometimes. He thought it was obsession at first and something that was unhealthy and toxic. He's come to realize it wasn't infatuation. It was the first time he's ever been in love. He didn't know how to handle it, but he wouldn't shy away from it anymore. She didn't seem to be either.
He let out a shaky breath when she kissed behind his ear. It took every ounce of self preservation he had left to pull away from her. There didn't seem to be anyone else in the home. Matty was sleeping. It would be so easy for him to bend her over the couch and fuck her senseless. He knew she would let him too, but they weren't ready for that yet.
'We should get going.' He cleared his throat and turned around with his back facing her to adjust himself in his jeans,'I have some setting up to do.'
She nodded and frowned,'Okay, did I do something wrong?'
He turned around to face and held her face in his hands,'Fuck no. I just…was almost about to say fuck this taking things slow shit and bend ya over the couch.'
Her eyes widened as she looked over at the couch, imagining just that,'I don't think I'll ever look at the couch the same. Thanks for that.'
He laughed and ran a shaky hand through his hair,'I say the same thing back at the farm.' He stroked her cheek and sighed,'You did everything right. I just…this is all new to me too. I ain't dated in a long time. Seems like I'm good at the fucking. Just never really been good at the talking part.'
She smiled softly as she patted his hand that was resting on her cheek,'I think we're doing a pretty good job so far. Don't you?'
He snorted as he kissed the top of her head,'I think we're doing a stand up job.'
She walked over to the couch to grab Matty's diaper bag and he took it from her, hoisting it over his shoulder. She looked up at him and smiled,'You make it pretty easy.'
He watched her as she carefully picked Matty up out of his play crib and sighed to himself. He wished she were making it easy on him, but she never did. Maybe that's why he fought so hard against it. They were tired of pushing and pulling at each other. He was willing to fight for this just as she was.
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When they arrived to the location of the festival, everyone was running around making last minute preparations. She would be giving out her muffins at a booth. Maria and Betsy kept trying to convince her to open up a bakery in town. They didn't have one and thought it would boost morale. She didn't think she was ready for something like that right now. She needed to work on herself first.
Joel and her parted ways while he helped the rest of the guys set up. They both planned to meet back up in an hour. He would help her with her stand and after her pastries ran out they would enjoy themselves and spend some time together.
She saw Ellie and Abby walking around as they carried things back and forth to tents and tables. They were two peas in a pod. She spent more time at Abby's house than she did her own. She was even hinting about getting her own apartment. She was almost twenty one. They weren't thrilled about it, but there was nothing they can do. She was her own person and an adult. They had faith she would be alright. She had a lot of people looking out for her.
Betsy saw her and immediately came over to her, hugging her tightly,'You made it.' She bent down and picked Matty up out of his stroller,'How are things either you and Joel?'
She finished slicing the pie and wiped the knife on her apron,'Great actually. We came together.' She grinned proudly,'He's my date for today.'
Betsy smirked as she playfully bumped her shoulder with his,'I think it's cute you're dating and starting over. You get to experience all the butterflies again and firsts.'
Becca looked over at Joel, who was laughing at something Tim said,'It's been a lot of fun. We should've done all this before we got married. We wouldn't have wasted any time.'
Betsy sighed as she wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close as she held onto Matty,'Maybe time wasn't ready for you guys the first time around. Judging by the way you two been smiling at each other. I'd say this is exactly what you needed.'
Becca smiled at the woman. She wasn't lying. This is exactly what they needed.
Tim followed Joel's line of sight and grinned,'How's dating life?'
Tim wasn't afraid to speak on certain topics with Joel. It's why he respected him so damned much. He stepped up and pulled his weight after the civil war. He didn't take Joel's bullshit and wasn't afraid to call him out on things. He shot straight from the hip and didn't mince words. If he had something to say to Joel he would say it. He didn't kiss his ass. Joel needed a friend like that in his life.
'Pretty damned good.' He made sure the Tahoe was sturdy before placing something on top of it,'She's my date for today.'
'Then why are ya working?' Tim jerked his shoulder towards her,'You should be with your lady.'
Joel watched as Becca and Betsy talked closely. He wasn't stupid. He knew they were talking about him. He could see Becca's eyes flicker over to him. She didn't seem angry or distressed. She had a smile on her face.
He used to think he needed to make her happy, but he's come to realize he wasn't responsible for her happiness. Only his own. He felt special just to be apart of it and hopefully one of the reasons why she was smiling more lately.
'I ain't crowding her.' He shook his head and sighed,'I spend time with her. Believe me. My day ain't complete unless I see her.'
Tim rolled his eyes and groaned,'You're such a sucker.'
Joel laughed and nodded,'My man, you got no idea.'
After Joel was finished helping the guys he went over to Becca's table. She had a few people standing by her table. Matty was sitting on the table, biting on his teething ring. He laughed to himself, seeing the women fawning over him. He was a ladykiller. Like father like son.
He looked at the almost empty trays of pastries on the table,'They almost cleaned ya out.' He smirked,'What I tell ya?' He shoved his hands in his front pockets as he clicked his tongue,'Best buy in town.'
She blushed at that and reached over to the table behind her, handing him a slice of apple pie,'I saved you the biggest slice.'
She folded her hands behind her back, biting back a smirk as he picked up the slice and bit into it without using a fork. He had remnants of the pie on the corner of his mouth and she resisted the urge to lean over the table and wipe it off herself.
He swiped the crumbs off his mouth and licked the pad of his thumb as her met her gaze, morning softly,'Just as I said. Best pie in town.'
Her eyes widened slightly as she heard the darker tone of his voice. His flirting was becoming the norm lately. She tried to give as best she could. She doesn't really remember flirting much in her younger days. She went and married the first boy she did everything with. She never gave herself the opportunity to enjoy this part of getting to know someone.
He finished the slice and she leaned over the table to wipe the crumbs out of his beard,'I saved another piece for you to bring home. I know you like it after dinner.'
He crossed his arms over his chest as his eyes lingered on hers,'I miss having your pie first thing in the morning. It was usually the best part of my day.'
She saw the wistful smile on his face. She knew he wasn't just talking about food. She remembered how it was between them in the beginning. He used to love eating her out in the mornings before he started his day. She would wake up some mornings with his head between her legs, sucking and drinking from her as if his life depended on it. She used to love feeling her inner thighs ache slightly from his beard. She would be reminded of it during the day. Now all she had were memories:
'I'll make sure to bake you a full pie then to enjoy throughout the week.' She nodded and smiled softly,'I bake you pies and maybe you can play music for me again. I miss that too.'
He smiled as he picked up Matty and leaned back against the table,'I'll make sure to bring the guitar on the next picnic.' His eyes trailed her up and down,'I don't need your pies though, darlin. Just you. You taste better anyway.'
She chuckled as she leaned up and kissed his cheek,'Not in front of the child.'
He snorted and ruffled Matty's dark curls, identical to his father's,'He's the reason why we talk like that.'
'You think we're confusing him?' She frowned,'Does he wonder why he's always moving back and forth?'
Joel held him up and shook his head,'Thankfully, I think he's too young to understand. We'll get our shit together before he figured it out.'
She stared at Joel and Matty, sighing to herself. She hoped he was right.
After her table cleared out and there wasn't any pastries to give out, Joel helped pack up her stuff and he placed it on his saddle to take back to Maria's. They put Matty in his stroller and Joel wrapped his arm around Becca's shoulders. They were proud to be together. They didn't care who knew it. Not anymore.
They managed to find Ellie throughout the large crowd. Unsurprisingly, she was hanging out with Abby and a few of her friends. Ellie talked with them some and played with Matty, but she was eager to spend time with her friends.
Ellie still had questions about her past and her father. They would support her and help her as best she could. They just hoped she didn't go off running again on her own searching for answers. It's why they were hesitant about her living alone. They wouldn't be able to keep an eye on her when she wandered off without a fear in the world.
Becca frowned as she watched Ellie with her friends,'She's too cool to hang out with us anymore.'
'She's almost twenty one.' He snorted,'We're lucky she still wants to be seen with us. Could ya imagine if this was before the outbreak? She would probably be an artist in New York and we would never see her again. She wouldn't call. She wouldn't write.'
She nodded and laughed,'We would only see her on obligatory holidays.' She bent down and ran her hand through Matty's hair,'At least we got some time with this before he gets too cool for us.'
He smiled sadly as he looked at her. Realistically, he knew they probably wouldn't have another kid. He was almost fifty eight and Becca was about to turn forty. He's seen it happen, but they were just starting to connect again. Who knows how long it would be before they fully came back together again. By then it would be too late for them. He didn't feel regretful. He was thankful for what they did have. Ellie and Matty were happy and healthy. It's all he could ask for.
They stopped in front of a woman's stand who had homemade jewelry. There wasn't currency in Jackson. The tables were first come first serve. They didn't sell anything in town. They provided for each other in different ways than money never could. They took care of each other.
Becca looked over the bracelets made out of beads. She saw one with vibrant colors and knew it was the perfect one. She asked the woman if she could take it, knowing it was only one per 'customer.'
She obliged and she brought the bracelet over to him. She took his hand and slid the bracelet onto his wrist.
He lifted up his hand and chuckled when he saw the beaded bracelet,'Flowers and jewelry. I could get used to this.' He smirked and placed a beaded necklace around her neck,'Now we match.'
She playfully slapped his chest as he rubbed her back,'I figured ya needed some more color in your life.'
'No need.' He snorted,'You bring more than enough. Believe me.'
They stopped at a few other tables. They stopped by Betsy's table and she insisted on leaving Matty with her so they could enjoy some time along together. She gave Joel a thumbs up and a wink, making him roll his eyes. He didn't know who wanted this to work more. They or Betsy. They joked that maybe she should've been their therapist.
She took his hand in hers and tangled their fingers together as she rested her head on his arm,'This is a lot of fun. Everyone seems really happy.' She looked up at him and smiled softly,'I'm happy too. Here with you.'
He kissed the top of her head and breathed in the scent of her hair,'I'm happy too, darlin.'
She saw the food table and felt her stomach grumbling,'Let's eat. I'm starving.'
She tugged on his hand and led him over to the food. They put food on their plates and grabbed their drinks. They both stuck to water. Becca was refraining from alcohol for the time being. After Maria's party she didn't think she could drink like that again. She swore she still had a hangover.
Joel's been sober for almost three years now. Ever since his replace, he hasn't had a sip of alcohol or took a pill. After Tommy's death he almost went back to it. He was so close. He had another death and failing marriage. He had a wife who recoiled at his touch and couldn't stand the sight of him most days. He had every reason to drink himself stupid. To forget.
He almost brought the bottle to his lips, but he thought about Ellie and Matty. He couldn't put his children through that. Ellie had already seen him like that. He didn't want his son to ever see him like that. The day he found out Becca was pregnant, he made a silent vow to himself he wouldn't go back to that anymore. He wouldn't fall back on old crutches.
He threw the liquor bottle against the wall, shattering it into pieces. He thought about it every now and then. He probably always would, but he wouldn't never do it again. He had far too much to live for.
They brought their food to a table in the back away from the crowd. The sun would be setting soon and the live band was about to perform. Becca was excited. She loved live music. She loved to dance. The rare times she did share a dance with Joel he seemed to be pretty good at it. He promised her a night of dancing. She just hoped he made good on his promise.
She looked up from her food and cleared her throat,'You really gonna dance with me tonight?'
'I said I would.' His tone was playful as he gave her a soft smile,'I actually love to dance believe it or not.'
Her eyes widened and she shook her head confusingly,'How come you never liked to dance with me?'
'It wasn't anything personal against you.' He shrugged,'I just never saw a reason for dancing before. It seemed…trivial.'
'And now?' She pursed her lips as she looked over his face,'What changed now?'
He sighed as he wiped his mouth with a napkin,'I was given the opportunity to enjoy myself and I'm gonna do just that.' He squinted his eyes,'And with the woman I wanna be with.'
She cupped his cheek and stroked it, whispering,'I wanna be with you too.'
'Then we can do just that.' He shook his head,'We can dance all fucking night if we want to. We ain't gotta be afraid anymore, Bec. I don't think we ever needed to be.'
He didn't have to explain himself. They never needed to be afraid to be together. Danger was always lurking about even before the outbreak. People don't change regardless of their surroundings. Only the strong survive.
It was tough trying to navigate any relationship during these times. You had to be brave. You very well could lose that person, but the reward outweighed any of the risks. It was difficult to be alone. Outbreak or not:
The only thing they were ever afraid of were themselves.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
After dinner was served and all the tables were cleaned up; everyone gathered to the large tent for dessert and live music.
Betsy sat with Becca and Joel. Matty was perched on her lap as she fed him some pudding. Becca loved watching the two of them together. She was his grandmother in every sense of the word. She's come to learn DNA doesn't make a family.
The band came onto the stage and announced themselves. Everyone in the tent became quiet, their conversations turning to a hush as the band started playing music. Becca was offered a drink, but declined. She wanted to be good and sober. She wanted to remember every single detail of this night.
The band played a cover of a Lynyrd Skynyrd song, which Joel seemed to be thankful for. He always appreciated the oldies. Ellie and her friends seemed disinterested, but this didn't seem like their type of crowd anyway. They would be slipping out in no time.
She was standing by the stage dancing along to the music when she felt a strong arm slink around her. She smiled softly when she felt him lean in close and kiss the side of her temple. She could smell his distinct scent; sandalwood, leather and pine. His aftershave wasn't overpowering and he didn't douse himself in homemade oils and colognes like the other men in town.
She's always been attracted to his masculinity. Before him, she's only ever been with the pretty boy types. She was always afraid of men like him. They expected more of out of than just being quiet and sitting still. He wanted a partner. Equals. She wanted to be that for him. She wanted to regain her independence. She wondered if she's ever really had it to begin with. It seemed her entire life everyone's been making decisions for her.
Joel Miller was entirely her decision. She picked a good one. Everyone else before him had been what everyone else wanted for her. He was the first thing she ever really chose for herself. She felt honored he chose her. She wanted to be worthy of him.
'I think I promised ya some dances.' He gently pulled her close, whispering,'And I'm a man of my word.'
She smiled softly as he turned her around to face him. She placed her hands on his shoulders as he grasped her waist. She yelped as he pulled her against him, his feet moving along to the beat of the music.
He placed his hands on her lower back and grinned,'Best to try and keep up, darlin. I was raised in Texas after all. We were bred for a dancehall.'
She laughed and shook her head as did her best to follow along with him. She could dance, but he seemed far more experienced. She caught snippets of his dancing. She knew he could move, but she should've known Joel Miller didn't half ass anything. He spoke about dancing being a huge part of his upbringing and culture growing up.
She stumbled a few steps and her cheeks blushed, shrugging sheepishly,'I haven't been on a dance floor in awhile.'
He lifted her arm up and tangled their fingers together,'Let me lead the way.' He pulled her closer and looked over her face, whispering,'I got ya.'
All she could do was nod silently as she let him lead her on the dance floor. The band transitioned to another cover song. It was some country song she recognized from growing up. It had an upbeat tempo. She laughed as Joel spun her around on the dance floor. He was holding out on her. He was an incredible dancer. She loved seeing him let loose and have fun.
Betsy was bouncing Matty on her lap as she watched Becca and Joel on the dance floor. He said something to her and she buried her face in his shoulder to laugh. He had a soft smile on his face. She's never seen them laugh together so much. Their marriage counseling and solo therapy seemed to really be helping them out. Maybe a trial separation and dating is just what they needed. They needed to wipe the slate clean, like a refresher of why they fell in love in the first place.
Betsy fed Matty another spoonful of pudding as she wiped his chin,'I think your parents are figuring things out.' She laughed as he scrunched his face, looking every inch like his father,'They're slow on the uptake, I know.'
The band transitioned into a slow song. Joel's eyes lit up as he immediately recognized the first few chords,'This is one of my favorite songs.'
He pulled their clasped hands close to his chest and kept his one arm firmly wrapped around her waist. He slowly began swaying to the song, whispering along to the lyrics,'Today…I passed you on the street
…And my heart fell at your feet…I can't help it…if I'm still in love with you…Somebody else stood by your side…And she looked so satisfied…'I can't help it if I'm still in love with you.'
The guitarist gently strummed his guitar and she leaned her head against his chest, whispering,'This is pretty. Who is it?'
'Linda Ronstadt.' His eyes met hers, whispering,'I can't help it if I'm still in love with you.' He swallowed harshly,'That's the name of the song.'
She smiled softly as she wrapped her arm around his waist. She leaned up and pressed her lips against his. She didn't make any attempts to deepen it, but she let her lips linger for a few moments. She didn't care who saw them. She wanted to show the man she loved her affection.
She pulled away and rested her head back on his chest, closing her eyes as they continued to sway along to the song.
'Somebody else stood by your side…And she looked so satisfied…I can't help it if I'm still in love with you…A picture from the past came slowly stealing…As I brushed your arm and stood so close to you…Suddenly I got that old time feeling…I can't help it if I'm still in love with you…It's hard to know another's lips have kissed you…And held you just the way I used to do'
He would sing a few of the lyrics every so often under his breath. She couldn't help but wonder what an ironic song this was for them. She didn't want their story to be some sad and tragic ending. She didn't want him to be somebody she used to know. She didn't want to coparent or watch Joel dance or go on dates with other women.
'Heaven only knows how much I've missed you
I can't help it if I'm still in love with you…Oh, I can't help it if I'm still in love with you'
The song finished and everyone clapped for them. The singer announced they were taking a brief break. They took the opportunity to walk over to the table to get some water.
Betsy averted her eyes between them and smirked,'Lookin good out there.' She nodded towards Maria and Roger,'They were lookin good on the dance floor too.' She saw the disapproving looks on their faces and held her hands up defensively,'I know I know. Don't stick my nose in where it doesn't belong.' She shooed them away,'Leave me and my hot date alone.'
They laughed as Matty giggled in response. Thank god for Betsy. She supported them when no one else did. She literally married them for fucks sakes. For awhile there, she seemed to be the only ones rooting for them.
Becca took his hand and gently tugged him over to the lake,'Let's go for a walk.'
He nodded dumbly as he let her tug along down the shirt distance to the lake. There were some couples walking along the lake. Their arms were wrapped around each other. Much like the two of them are now. It felt good. To be like any other normal couple. They forgot what that felt like.
She bumped her shoulder with his and laughed,'I knew you were are good dancer. I could barely keep up with you.'
'And you call yourself a debutante.' He snorted,'Ya ain't ever been to dive bars or honky tonk clubs. They'll fucking ban ya for life if ya can't keep up. We've always danced a lot growing up. My mama would out on music and dance with me and Tommy in the kitchen.'
She nodded and smirked,'So I take it ya know how to line dance?'
'I've been known to dabble.' His eyes snaked down her body quickly,'I could teach ya a few things.'
She wrapped her arm around his waist and gently squeezed him,'I want you to teach me a lot of things.'
Joel took a deep breath and decided not to respond to that. She always sent his thoughts into dangerous territory. Dancing with her only aroused him even more. He wondered if she would let him give her a proper kiss goodnight.
They walked around the lake to cool down before the band started back up again. Joel was the one who tug on her hand this time, leading her back to the dance floor. He promised her a night of dancing and he meant it. He was older than he used to be, but he could still keep up on the dance floor.
The band played for another hour before retiring for the evening. Becca felt as if she were floating. She couldn't remember the last time she had fun like this. They finally danced together, out in the open and without fear. She felt freer than she's ever felt.
Even before the outbreak, she felt stifled and held back from what she truly wanted in life. While she enjoyed being a nurse, she always felt it was more her mother's dream than her own. She wanted her to follow the women in the family. They've were a long line of nurses since World War Two. She used to be so excited to follow in their footsteps, but after the outbreak she always resented. It was only in her own therapy did she realize it wasn't benefitting her. It was making her depressed to carry on the emotional burden for so many people when she could barely manage her own.
She felt more fulfilled with the memorial garden, working with Betsy and being able to live freely than she ever did with nursing. She was finally living for herself.
Joel and Becca went back to Maria's on horseback. He helped her carry her things inside the house. Maria and Seb were sound asleep upstairs as Joel tiptoed up the stairs with a sleeping Matty in his arms.
He frowned when he saw Matty's crib next to Sebastian's. He should be in his own nursery back home where all his things are. Becca shouldn't be sleeping in a guest bedroom. She should be in their bed and working on her garden. She could be with their animals. Tony said this was for the best. Then why did it feel like shit sometimes?
He walked downstairs and Becca was cleaning up the kids' toys in the living room. She looked up at him and smiled softly,'Thank you for today. I had the best time.'
'I had fun too.' He chuckled slightly and shook his head,'I haven't danced like that in a long time.'
Her eyes looked him over and she shook her head,'You wouldn't know it. Thank you for putting Matty to bed.'
He placed his hands on his hips and shrugged,'Ya ain't gotta thank me for being a father, Bec.'
He stared at her long and hard. There was so much he wanted to say. So many places he wanted to touch.
Instead, he took a step back from her and sighed,'I should be getting home. I'm getting old.'
'You're not told.' She smirked,'You're vintage. I'll walk you out.'
She walked him out onto the porch and closed the screen door behind her. She looked up at him for a moment before she made up her mind. She leaned up and held his face in her hands. She pressed her lips against his. She swept her tongue along the seam of his lips, wanting to make it crystal clear her intentions.
He opened his mouth for her and didn't waste anytime in sucking on her tongue. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he moaned softly as their tongues tangled together. She tasted even better than he remembered. He didn't think she could taste any better. This felt different. It felt like more than a kiss.
It felt like a new beginning.
He cupped the back of her head and gently tangled her hair in his hand. He was surprised at first. She's never kissed him first or initiated any physical contact between them, but she made the first move.
It emboldened him. She let him know she wanted him. She longed for him just as he did for her.
He deepened the kiss as their tongues slowly tangled together. They slowly tasted each other's mouths, their tongues tangling licking into each other. She moaned softly as he wrapped his other hand around her waist, pulling her closer against him. He groaned as he felt her hands in his hair, gently tugging on the strands.
She gently pulled away from him and pried their lips apart. She rubbed his chest soothingly as they both came up for air. His eyes looked all over her. Her lips were red and swollen from his kisses. Her hair messed up from his hands and her headband was askew.
He was grateful she was the one to pull away first. He didn't think he had the self control. It couldn't like that though. They deserved better than a quickie on the porch.
She smiled dazedly, feeling the desire running hot through her veins, making her feel more alive than she has in months,'Have a good night, stud. I'll see you in therapy tomorrow.'
He nodded as he licked the taste of her from his lips,'Goodnight. Tomorrow.'
She stifled a laugh as he backed away from her as he almost stumbled down the steps. She felt affected by the kiss as well. She leaned against the banister for support, feeling light headed on her feet.
As she watched him gallop away on his horse, she touched her lips. They still tingled from his mustache. Her skin burned from the inside out. She's never experienced a kiss like that before.
Judging by the look on his face, neither was he.