Ch. 27 – The Morning After

The tip of a sharp blade is mere millimeters above his throat, attached to the arm of an all-too-familiar monster. The herald's facial features are indistinguishable but Kaeya can sense the bloodlust as he struggles to push it away. During their brief fight, however, the monster displayed how fast it truly is. If he moves his hands away for a millisecond even to try to roll away to safety or attempt to grab his sword, he'll be killed. He knows this battle of brute strength is a lost cause, but he refuses to give up. He needs to hold on a little longer, backup should be here shortly—where is Jean?

The herald leans forward, putting more of its weight against Kaeya's already straining muscles until its covered face is right next to his ear. "Be grateful, Alberich."

The herald pushes.

The cold armor slips between his hands.

The blade plunges downward.

-x-

A sharp gasp forces its way out of Kaeya's mouth and his hand shoots up to his neck. He frantically runs his fingers against his skin and only drops his hand when he doesn't feel the lethal injury. His shoulders sag with instant relief and takes a deep breath to calm his racing heart. It was just a dream. Just… just a dream.

It wasn't just a dream—

He shakes his head to stop himself from thinking about it.

Kaeya lifts his eyes and his chest tightens when he sees the recognizable room he is in. It's not a room made of old stone with ancient runes carved into the walls, there isn't a rotting crate tucked into a corner, and the air isn't heavy and stagnant. The duvet that he is under is soft and warm, protecting him from any chill hanging in the air. The curtains are closed but the little crack between them allows a little morning light to shine at the foot of his bed.

He's finally home.

He blinks several times when his vision gets suspiciously blurry. How long has it been since that day? One day? Three? A week? It feels like he had been imprisoned in those memories for years, experiencing lives he can't remember. He hadn't died again, had he?

Dread begins to claw its way through his relief. The more he stares at his arms, the more he sees that there isn't a single mark on him. Not a scratch or bruise from his ordeal stains his skin. He flexes his fingers to make fists. They feel normal enough, if not a bit tight from disuse—or perhaps overuse? He doesn't know how long he was trapped in that same position and perhaps he never will.

He groans quietly as he sits up and reaches for his eyepatch on the nightstand. His hand stops just above it once he spots a glowing cryo vision sitting right next to it. He picks it up instead and brushes his other hand over the bright blue gem. He never liked being cold but when a familiar cold brushes against the tips of his fingers and moves its way through his arm, he takes another relieved breath.

If his vision is here, he can be assured this is real.

Nothing will pop out from the darkness and attack him, there isn't a monster three times his size waiting for him to step outside his bedroom, and there is no voice in his head. He's moving his body on his own.

It's over.

He sets the vision back down and grabs the eyepatch. With the confirmation that this is indeed reality, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. As he ties off the eyepatch to the back of his head, he glances at the crack between the curtains. It's quiet outside and with how bright it is this day, he doubts it will rain again.

He blinks as he drops his arms back to his sides. How many days has it been since he arrived? Now that he thinks about it, he doesn't even remember coming back home. The last time he was truly conscious, he remembers laying on the ground and hardly able to move. Diluc was above him, wasn't he?

He shakes his head. He doesn't want to remember right away. He can save it for an inevitable interrogation later.

The sound of the door opening steals his attention. There isn't a knock that accompanies it but when he sees the shocked look on Crepus' face as he spots Kaeya sitting up, he hadn't expected to see the boy awake yet. "Kaeya!" he says breathily. Whatever worry he had before he stepped inside is thrown out the window as he takes three quick strides to rush to his bedside and engulfs him in a tight hug. "Thank Barbatos, you're awake!"

Kaeya doesn't hesitate to reciprocate and clings to him as if his life depends on it. He grabs handfuls of his vest and shirt into both of his palms and his shoulders start to shake as he struggles to contain his emotions. He squeezes both eyes shut and buries his face into Crepus' chest to hide himself. He doesn't want to ruin another one of Crepus' vests but the tears are slipping out on their own. He tries to pull his head back to not ruin his clothes again since the vests are expensive to repair, and to purchase a brand new one is even more mora that could be used for other things but Crepus' hand keeps his head in place. "I'm sorry," he blurts out, muffled by the fabric his face is pressed again. "I'm so sorry."

Crepus again interrupts his thoughts with a soft, "It's okay. You're okay, starlight. You're safe now."

He swallows hard, feeling the tears starting to slip. He never should have said he didn't care about him dying. Regret pulls at every fiber of his being. Why did he say that? What would have happened if that was the last thing he said to Crepus? He shakes as he struggles to contain his emotions. "I'm sorry, Father," he repeats. "I shouldn't have said that I wouldn't care if you got killed because I do care about you and I do care if you get killed. I don't want you to die again. I'm sorry—"

His heart skips a beat when he realizes his mistake. Crepus, however, either doesn't hear his slip-up or chooses to ignore it. "Hush, it's okay," he repeats. His grip tightens and it makes it a little harder to breathe, but Kaeya doesn't let go. He basks in the safety and security the hug makes him feel, as though this single hug could protect him from anything out there in the world, even from the gods themselves. "It's all right. I'm not upset."

"Really?"

"I wasn't ever upset at you, Kaeya. I am very, very glad you are home again."

Kaeya believes him. He gives him one last squeeze until he releases the death grip he has on his adoptive father and pulls away to wipe his eyes, happy that he hadn't completely broken down again. "Is Diluc okay?" he asks after a moment.

Crepus smiles as he replies, "He's okay. He also has some new scars but he seems to be proud of them."

He snorts with amusement but he isn't surprised. At least some things never change—leave it to a young Diluc to be proud of battle scars.

"He kept asking about you as well."

"He did?"

He nods. "Practically all day yesterday. He visited you no more than ten times in the morning alone when he should have been resting."

He rolls his eyes. Ten times would sound like an exaggeration to others but with how impatient Diluc could be, he's positive he visited him more than that. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Well, you woke up briefly the night you came back and fell back to sleep and stayed asleep since then. It's been about a day since then."

That's not as bad as he thought. "It felt longer," he mumbles under his breath.

He doesn't know how Crepus heard him, but he answers all the same. "I imagine it did. You had a fever when you returned, but it went away practically overnight. The healer we called for said it was a blessing from Barbatos."

Kaeya looks down at his wrists and the corner of his lips lifts a little when he sees smooth, uninjured skin. He really does need to find a way to thank Venti somehow. He slowly loses the little smile and swallows back nervousness. "How long was I… missing?"

A dark look crosses Crepus' eyes before it vanishes as quickly as it came. "You disappeared almost a week ago."

"Oh." He looks down again. It doesn't feel like it has only been a week. He thought at least a month had passed, maybe even longer but between waking up from a hallucination, speaking to Caribert, and Diluc—

He freezes.

Diluc had died.

The Sinner's voice echoes in his ears. "You chose this."

He stood no chance against the herald. The blade that had stabbed him was half his size.

Kaeya knows the voice isn't actually there and that it's in his head, but he can't stop his hands from shaking nor can he stop the fear that churns in his stomach. Even if Diluc can't remember dying, Kaeya can still see Diluc's empty eyes staring back at him, lips pale and his own blood staining the ground beneath him. He can still remember how his body was forced to turn away, just like a puppeteer would control their marionette—

"Kaeya? Are you all right?"

He snaps his head up, the jarring movement making him almost dizzy and he takes a few breaths. Had he forgotten to breathe? "Sorry," he says hoarsely. "I was just remembering things."

Worry seems to be permanently etched into his father's face. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," he answers quickly. Even if he wanted to, he doubts Crepus would believe him anyway.

Crepus hesitates before he nods. "Okay. If you ever do want to talk about it, I'm always here to listen." He stands back up and offers him a hand to help him up. "Would you like to come with me to wake up Diluc? He'll be happy to see you."

Kaeya pushes the rest of the covers off and takes the offered hand in seconds. His sore muscles protest as he stands up and his knees creak as he keeps himself upright but he remains steady as he takes a few cautious steps forward and follows Crepus out of the room eagerly.

They stop in front of Diluc's bedroom door and Crepus lightly raps his knuckles against the wood. "Diluc, someone wants to see you," he says as he opens the door.

Kaeya follows him inside and his eyes land on the lump underneath the covers. A tired groan emits from it and Diluc slowly emerges from the covers, his eyes still closed even as he sits up. He mumbles something incoherent and the unrecognizable words slur together until he gives up and yawns instead.

Crepus chuckles. "I thought you loved being up at the crack of dawn. You're always the first one up and yet here we are, waking you up first."

Diluc's eyebrows scrunch together. "I thought I was off of training today," he answers, his voice thick with sleep.

"You are but you have a visitor who would like to see you. Come on, now, open your eyes."

Diluc groans again but he obeys after he yawns a second time. He blinks a few times and barely looks at their father when his eyes land on Kaeya. His sleepiness vanishes in an instant and he practically tears off the covers in his haste to get out of bed. "Kaeya! You're awake!" he shouts.

Kaeya braces himself for the inevitable tackle of a hug he gets and grunts in the tight embrace he gets. He finds himself holding onto his brother just as tight. They're not in a domain, not in any immediate danger, and Diluc is alive. He clings to the natural warmth Diluc gives and lets out a shaky laugh. Thank you. "You're an idiot, you know that?" he says.

"I'm not an idiot," he retorts, but he doesn't sound like he cares about being called one.

"Thank you," he adds under his breath. He gives Diluc one last squeeze before he lets go.

Diluc smiles as well as he pulls away as well and salutes. "I am a knight, it's my job to save people," he says proudly.

"You're still in training. You aren't a knight yet."

The redhead chooses to ignore that. "I'm really glad you're all right. You are okay, aren't you?"

He hesitates. Physically, he's fine. He doesn't have any burns, scrapes, or bruises anymore and he has no broken bones. He can breathe on his own and his eye isn't hurting. The nightmares, however, will plague him for weeks. He nods anyway. He can't keep worrying Diluc. "I'm all right. I was worried when I saw you, though. That monster was really strong. You could have gotten killed."

Diluc pushes the sleeve of his nightshirt up to show off a thin, pink scar from where the herald's blade had cut him. "But I didn't and I got a really cool scar!"

Kaeya looks at his arm with a frown. "Right…" he mutters. His stomach begins to churn again and his chest tightens. "A cool scar." That's all it is. Diluc is fine. That scar isn't a fatal wound. He's standing right in front of him, smiling away without a care in the world.

"You chose this."

As if he can sense Kaeya's growing distress, Crepus interrupts them. "Why don't you boys get ready for breakfast," he says. "Adelinde is preparing it now. I think she'll be delighted to see you together again."

Kaeya silently thanks him and turns around to go back to his room. It doesn't take him long to get dressed for the day, but he stops to pick his vision up. He mindlessly tries to clip it to his side and almost lets it fall to the ground before he realizes his vision doesn't have the proper harness for it to remain attached to anything. He laughs at himself and shakes his head as he looks down at his vision. "Idiot," he mumbles.

It's been months since he returned to life as a child and visionless, but the habit of clipping it to his belt every morning remains. He sighs and looks toward the curtains as the sunlight grows brighter as the sun slowly rises higher into the sky. Kaeya sets his vision onto the bed to throw the curtains open, briefly blinding him from the sudden light that flashes. He squints and once his eyes adjust, he stares at the fields and the anemo crystal flies that dance above the dew-covered grapevines.

Today is just another day. He remains standing right in front of the window, staring outside in silence for a few minutes. It feels nostalgic to watch the crystal flies dance and flitter about and to hear the early morning workers converse with each other as they start their long day.

A knock on the door finally tears him out of his silence. "Come in," he says.

"Oh, so you are dressed," Crepus answers. He steps inside and looks at the vision sitting on the bed. "I know it wasn't in the most ideal circumstance, but congratulations on getting a vision!" He picks it up and walks to his side. "Cryo, hm? You and Diluc will make a great team."

Kaeya doesn't reply, but he nods curtly to at least let Crepus know he heard him.

He chuckles and hands the vision to him. "I suppose the old rumor that Barbatos favors us Ragnvindrs is true, hm?"

He takes it and looks down at it. "I couldn't use it when I really needed it, though," he mumbles.

"What matters is that you're here now and there is nothing to worry about anymore. Nothing can harm you again if I can help it." He looks outside and whistles low. "There are a lot of crystal flies out this morning. Were you watching them?"

Kaeya frowns and doesn't look away from his vision. It glints at him innocently, staring with invisible eyes as his mind puts the pieces together. Crepus can only mean one thing. The grip on his vision tightens. "Why?" he asks softly.

"Why what?"

"Why did you do it?"

A heartbeat passes, and then two. Finally, after what feels like hours, his adoptive father lets out a long and drawn-out sigh as if to calm his nerves. They don't look at each other, Kaeya still staring at the vision and Crepus looking outside. His voice is low and almost defeated when he answers, "I didn't have a choice."

"There is always a choice." Kaeya's learned that the hard way. "A delusion is not worth it."

"You are worth it, Kaeya." He puts a hand on top of his head, causing Kaeya to tear his eyes off of the cryo insignia. "I will pay any price if it means you and Diluc are safe."

"But that thing can kill you, Father." It did kill him.

"I know how to use one safely, you have nothing to fear."

He frowns some more. "That doesn't matter—"

"How come you two are taking so long?" Diluc shouts from the door.

Kaeya flinches from the sudden noise and whips his head around to see the impatient redheaded boy crossing his arms across his chest. His heart thumps hard in his chest. It is just Diluc being loud. Why had he been so startled? He doesn't remember ever being this jumpy before.

"Don't yell inside, Diluc, how many times do I have to tell you?" Crepus scolds.

"I'm sorry, but I've been waiting for like half an hour and I'm hungry!"

He sighs and shakes his head and then pats Kaeya's back comfortingly. "I was making sure your brother was all right. We were just about to join you. Come along, Kaeya."

Vision still in hand, he slowly trails after them and eventually pockets it as they reach the stairwell. Crepus nearly runs into Diluc when the boy suddenly stops and spins around to face him.

Diluc looks up at him with an accusing face. "You know how you always tell me to eat my dinner every night?"

Kaeya feels just as confused as Crepus looks. "I tell you to eat your vegetables every night, yes," Crepus replies. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I know you didn't eat dinner yesterday so you need to eat breakfast today, Father!" he tells him.

Crepus raises his eyebrow. "And where did you hear that I didn't eat dinner yesterday?" he replies.

"Addie told me last night."

"Oh, no, you caught me." He chuckles. "Weren't you supposed to be asleep last night?"

He bobs his head up and down quickly. "Yes, but I got really thirsty and went to get water and she was still up and made some tea, too."

He hums knowingly. "Was she, now? I'm afraid I was still up, too, so she was waiting for me to return."

Kaeya looks up at Crepus questioningly. Had he gone somewhere last night? Suspicion crawls its way through him. If so, where did he go? Was it when he went to get the delusion? Does Adelinde know about it?

Diluc then pointedly stares at Crepus' dark eyebags. "You should probably go to bed again too. You look really tired, Father."

Crepus chuckles tiredly. "I will likely go to bed very early today."

Satisfied, the older boy turns to the stairs. "Last one there is a rotten sunsettia!" he shouts and begins to sprint down the steps, jumping over every other step in his haste to reach the dining area first.

Kaeya doesn't make a move to run and stops at the first step. He grips the banister tightly and then turns to face Crepus again. "Whatever you choose to do, Father, promise me you'll be careful," he tells him.

"I always am, Kaeya."

He bites the inside of his cheek, nods once, and turns back around to follow Diluc. A bad feeling churns in his stomach even as Diluc grabs his arm to drag him to the table and Adelinde cries as she hugs him.

Everyone makes mistakes. He can only hope his father hasn't made one yet.