Chapter 5 - The First Month
Remus was the first up the next morning. He got dressed and pulled on his clothes before tiptoeing to the door and opening it, quietly so it didn't creak, then climbing down the boys' staircase to the common room below.
It was so early the sun was only just rising. The sky from beyond the small, diamond windows was pale blue. It was enormously peaceful, sitting here, listening to the birds hoot outside and the fire crackling in the grate. Remus closed his eyes, feeling so at peace with the world he didn't hear the footsteps on the girls' staircase and only registered he had company when a girl's voice said quietly "Remus?"
Remus gave a start and opened his eyes. "Oh. Hi Sylvie." He said, recognising the little girl from their year.
Sylvie Llewelyn was small and blonde, her hair so fair it was almost white. She had large blue eyes and a small, pixie-like face. She reminded Remus (perhaps unfairly) of those muggle barbie dolls the girls in his village sometimes played with.
"Are your dorm mates sleeping too?" She asked, coming over to join him by the fire.
Remus nodded. She was really very pretty, he thought.
"How are you finding Hogwarts so far?" He asked her, because he felt he had to say something.
"Oh, it's wonderful." Sylvie said, blue eyes round as saucers. "My parents obviously told me all about it, but they never told me it would be quite this magnificent." She beamed at Remus. "What about you?"
"Yes it's quite brilliant," he said and he couldn't help smiling. "James and Sirius wanted me to explore with them on the first night, but I figured we've got seven years to discover this place. What's the rush?"
Sylvie nodded in agreement. "You're roommates with James and Sirius?" She asked, and suddenly her voice was shy, and Remus noticed she'd even gone a little pink.
"Last time I checked," Remus said, smiling.
"They're… Well, they're very brave, aren't they?"
Remus considered. The night exploration of the castle could possibly be considered brave, though was it bravery if one wasn't afraid of the consequences anyway? What else had they done that might have impressed Sylvie, he wondered…
"I suppose so." He said, because Sylvie was watching him and he had to say something.
"I'd love to be brave like them," Sylvie said, her eyes far away and wondering. "But I'm too scared of getting in trouble. My parents said it was very strict in their day."
"I think Dumbledore's more of a soft touch," Remus said fairly.
They chatted a little longer. Sylvie told Remus about her family, how her grandmother had been a famous healer at St Mungo's and how healing ran in her family's blood.
"My mum's ever so alternative," she said with a giggle. "She's growing magical plants in her garden. And when people come to see her who are stressed or anxious, she gives them a little bottle of the infusion she gets from them. The Ministry of Magic doesn't approve, and I think mum might get in trouble if she got caught, but her patients love her, and she always says that helping others in life is the best job in the world."
Remus thought she sounded quite lovely.
Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of James, Sirius and Peter. They were so loud it was a bit jarring to Remus, so accustomed he was to the quiet peace of a moment ago.
"What's all this?" Sirius said, bouncing down the last few steps and coming over to join the pair by the fire. "Remus Lupin. First marauder to get a girlfriend. Maybe he'll give you some tips, Pete." And he nudged Peter playfully in the ribs.
"I'm not his girlfriend!" Sylvie said quickly, staring at Sirius as though she'd never seen anything more beautiful in her whole life.
Sirius gave her a quizzical look. He turned to Remus. "You coming to breakfast? Potter reckons he knows where the kitchens are and wants to have a look in on the house elves on the way down." He rolled his eyes. "I don't know what's so special about house elves, personally. I've got two at home and they're nutters."
"It's not just for the house elves." Peter said, coming over to them too. "Think what treats they'll have down there. Maybe they keep all the best stuff for the staff table. What if they have baked Alaska!"
"Baked Alaska for breakfast?" James had joined them. "You're revolting, Pete."
"I didn't mean for breakfast!"
Remus left them to it. He turned back to Sylvie. "Nice to meet you properly." He told her.
"You too," she said, but Remus was pretty sure she was still looking behind him at Sirius and James.
"Ready, Lupin?" Sirius said, clapping him on the back as he got to his feet. "Let's go then."
Remus had to admit he was quite fascinated by the kitchens, once James had located the painting with the pear that he promised his dad had told him about.
"Won't your dad mind you wandering around the castle like this?" Peter asked, awed by this story.
"'Course not." James said, leading them inside and calling out greetings to the house elves. "He'd be disappointed if I didn't."
Remus wondered how much of that was true, never having met James' father, but allowed himself to be carried away in the easy carefreeness of the adventure, shaking hands with a few of the house elves himself and accepting their offer of a small plate of pastries.
"I must say, they're friendlier than Kreacher." Sirius said as they left, the house elves waving goodbyes and pressing foodstuffs on them right until they reached the door.
"Who's Kreacher?" Peter asked.
"My family's house elf." Sirius answered.
"Is he disappointed you were sorted into Gryffindor too?" James said, attempting a joke at this clearly sensitive subject.
"He does whatever my mum does." Sirius said, brushing off the comment. "Sycophantic little beast…"
"Well my house elf Ethel is a wonder." James said, taking a cinnamon roll and biting into it. "Though it has to be said these lot do a pretty good job too…"
Remus' family, of course, didn't have a house elf. Firstly, they couldn't afford it, and secondly, he wasn't sure what his mum would do with a house elf. His mum loved to clean. She hummed to herself while she did it, so she must have been having fun. He just couldn't imagine her lounging around knitting or reading while another living creature cleaned up around her.
They reached the entrance hall just as the rest of Gryffindor tower were descending for breakfast. Little Sylvie Lewellyn waved at them as she passed, but Lily Evans gave them a cool look and walked by without a word.
Remus had to say he didn't dislike Lily Evans. She might come off as a bit bossy and cross, but he supposed she had good reason to. The times he'd been alone with her, she'd been actually very pleasant. She listened with interest about Remus' family, and she'd been quite honest and open while sharing her own story, including how her older sister, Petunia? Had stopped talking to her when she found out Lily would be going to Hogwarts without her.
He supposed being friends with Sirius and James would come with its disadvantages, people would assume he thought like them because he was friends with them. But was that how friendships really worked? Did you have to agree with everything your friends did? Did you have to think like your friends?
The same uneasy feeling he'd had on the train overtook him once more. He couldn't make the logic work in his head. Did he approve of James and Sirius' behaviour? No. Did he want to be friends with them? Yes. So was he, Remus, so weak as to disregard his own moral compass for the sake of… what, exactly?
"What do you think, Remus? Great hall or somewhere else"
Sirius was smiling at him. A warm, genuine smile, that made all the doubts Remus had a moment ago slide away like leaves in a stream. He wouldn't sacrifice this for anything.
"I don't mind." He answered, rejoining their conversation. "I suppose we've already eaten, haven't we?"
They ended up visiting the owlery. James had an owl, Allegra, which he wanted to stroke and feed. Remus' family could not afford an owl of their own, and Sirius, looking bitter, admitted he'd been refused one by his parents as some ridiculous punishment.
"What on earth did you do to deserve that?" James asked, incredulous at such treatment.
"Who says I did anything?" Sirius snapped and James fell silent.
Remus had had reason before now to suspect all was not well at Sirius' house. His friend was always so hostile and touchy around family matters and there had been a very uncomfortable moment the day before where they'd bumped into his cousin, Narcissa, on the way to the dungeons. She had accused him of ridiculous things; not having proper family pride, besmirching their good name. Sirius had taken it as best as he could, but Remus could tell he was furious. And who wouldn't be? In Remus' eyes, his friend had done nothing wrong.
"Sometimes parents can be awfully unfair." Peter agreed, reaching forwards to stroke James' owl above the nose. "My mum docked my pocket money over the summer because I wouldn't mow the lawn for her. I mean, I'm not her slave!"
"Yeah, my dad was pretty angry that time I flew out of the manor grounds." James said, reminiscing as well. "They wouldn't let me have dessert after tea."
"That's terrible." Peter said sympathetically.
Remus' eyes landed on Sirius. He seemed to notice Remus' gaze and looked back. Remus smiled, and he returned the gesture, the worry and hurt that had been on his face the moment before, gone, for now.
"Shall we go?" James asked, looking at the clock on the wall. "If we don't want to be late for herbology, that is."
The four of them left the owlery, and Remus moved to walk beside Sirius, their unspoken bond still strong between them.
"I guess you're not like them then?" Sirius muttered out of the corner of his mouth.
Remus felt a jolt of panic suddenly course through him. "What do you mean?" He said quickly.
"Oh, nothing." Sirius said, turning back to look towards James and Peter. "Just… y'know… born with a golden wand in your hand?"
Remus laughed. The thought that he had a life as easy and simple as James or Peter was indeed laughable. "No." He agreed. "Not me."
"Well, that makes two of us." Sirius sighed. "It's not easy, having the family I've got and listening to Peter and James harp on about how terrible theirs are. They ought to swap for a week. That'd put them straight."
"It's not fair." Remus said, understanding more than he suspected Sirius knew. "It's harder for some than others. But we're not all that different really."
Sirius chuckled. "Try telling that to my mother…"
Remus and Sirius' friendship grew deeper in the weeks that followed. On the first full moon, when Remus vanished off to the shrieking shack with Madam Pomfrey to transform (a hideous, painful ritual he hated thinking about), Sirius was the first to pin him down and ask where he'd been.
"Visiting my mother." He replied, quite easily. He'd thought up the lie in advance. It was quite an easy one to stick to, and, he hoped, would avoid any further questions.
"Why? Is she sick?"
He hadn't counted on Sirius Black's curiosity…
"Y-yes." He lied.
His friend's face fell. "Oh blimey, Remus, I'm sorry."
Feeling guiltier than ever, Remus shook his head. "No, don't worry. Really. It's a long-term thing. It's more just to keep her company, it's dreadfully dull for her."
"She's lucky to have you." Sirius said.
James and Peter swallowed the lie without question, and Remus felt relieved. It would be quite easy to keep it up, especially now the pattern was established.
He fell into life at Hogwarts comfortably, relishing the delight of having friends and the wisdom that was being imparted to him by the teachers and their lessons.
He did his best to concentrate in class. It was so much more important to him than it seemed to James and Sirius. But his dislike of some of his new friends' antics was not enough to stop himself from laughing along with them, even going along with them on one or two occasions. Fortunately, they'd escaped capture when he'd been with them, so Remus' school record was miraculously clean, but unfortunately the same could not be said for James and Sirius. By the time their first month at Hogwarts was finished, the two of them had wracked up so many detentions and lost so many house points, Professor McGonagall was saying she'd soon need to buy Filch a new record book. They didn't seem to care though. Anything for a laugh, that was their motto.
And Remus reconciled himself, any time he came to doubt his association with them, that the joy he felt from their company and kinship was far too precious to lose. He did not consider himself a wizard of much worth. He'd been born into a poor household with a mother and father who he knew he was a burden to. Who was he to earn such a glorious feeling as the one he felt in the company of the self-styled marauders? No, he had them to be grateful to. And he would be grateful for their friendship for as long as he lived.