Note: Another standalone, unrelated to my other writing.
Sales Pitch
"Hey, Heero." Duo took off his shoes and headed to the couch where Heero was sitting with his laptop open and his eyes on him. "It's been a long day, man, and I'm totally fried. I don't wanna make decisions, don't ask me what we're doin."
He rounded what he'd long considered his corner of Heero's couch and asked "What do you wanna do? Your choice."
Heero closed his laptop and turned to sit facing him.
"Let's get married."
At first he didn't have a reaction. His ears heard the words, sure. Sound came out of Heero's mouth in his usual casual tone, and Duo's brain glossed over the words and auto-corrected it with something sane. Except that something wasn't anything. It auto-corrected Heero's words into nothing. Just a large blank space that suspended in his mind for a few seconds until thoughts, loud and rushing in with great force, suddenly appeared to fill that void.
Did Heero...?
No.
No, his brain was playing tricks.
Or was it? Because that trick made no sense.
With his mouth suddenly dry, Duo floundered. For a split second he thought gravity reversed. It was a good thing he was already dropping down onto the couch when Heero spoke, because he was sure he'd have lost his balance if he wasn't sitting.
"Wha...?" Panic set in when he realized he was abruptly aware of his own tongue in his mouth, dry and suctioning itself to the roof of his mouth in a command for him to remain silent. With conscious effort he released it and swallowed. "Uh... Repeat that?"
The way in which Heero eyed him, no different than when he first let himself into the apartment with his spare key, became all at once unsettling.
"I said we should get married."
Duo's mind once again retreated into a void before supplying entirely unhelpful words. That's what I thought. Inwardly he recoiled at how useless his brain was being. And the silence that followed, the horrible and awkward silence, made his skin crawl. When he realized Heero was waiting for him to say something he felt anger start to rise within him. How dare Heero suggest something as absurd as getting married and then say nothing else?
In a voice firmer than he thought possible in the moment, Duo replied.
"We can't get married."
Blue eyes continued to stare at him, and Heero looked the slightest bit puzzled.
"Why not? We're both single. That's the legal requirement for marriage."
Duo's mind full on reeled at those words. What did that even mean? He found himself with two hands in the air, palm up in a universal sign of confusion. He knew he was staring at Heero. He knew his mouth was open and his eyes were wide. He couldn't help himself.
"What?"
The question came out like a hiss, and Heero was at least self-aware enough to look like he was taking Duo's reaction seriously. Slowly, and with measured patience, he responded.
"The basic legal requirement for two people such as ourselves to marry is that they are both unmarried immediately before marrying each other. You should know this, it's in the Civil Code, section—"
"Damnit, Heero! The Civil Code is not the issue here! Why do you think we should get married?"
Once again confusion creeped onto Heero's face, and a voice in the back of Duo's mind told him that in another circumstance he'd feel bad for snapping at his closest friend. But now was not the time to give any ground to the other man. Now was not the time to allow any weakness to cloud their conversation. Usually he didn't want to hurt Heero's feelings but at the moment he didn't care one way or another, even though that confusion grew immeasurably. Was that pain Duo saw in Heero's eyes? He had to be hallucinating. None of this was real.
"I thought," Heero's voice was soft and low, "that marriage was what two people did when they love each other. But if you don't love me—"
"I never said that."
Heero bit his lower lip, his eyes narrowing.
"Then is there any other reason you don't want to marry me?"
Duo blinked. Was there any other reason? How the hell could Heero ask such a stupid question? Momentarily he considered if he was being pranked. Heero wouldn't be this... strange and awful as a prank, but it was possible that someone else put this idea into his head. The problem was he looked so... genuine. Oh god he really means this was all Duo could think. He swallowed hard.
"Uh, yeah? There's like... a ton of reasons? You must—" he stopped short. A long time ago he learned not to accuse Heero of knowing social etiquette he considered to be obvious. It was demeaning and hurtful to a friend who struggled with socializing after a childhood of mostly cold and emotionless training. But they were a long way from that. More than a decade removed from the war, and many years of friendship under their belts, Heero really did have to know at this point, right? It wasn't mean to assume he had to know why they couldn't up and marry. He cleared his throat.
"Okay, to start... we're not even dating. We don't have a romantic relationship."
Heero's gaze did not waiver, but that also meant his confusion and that bit of pain in his expression remained.
"Are you unwilling to have a romantic relationship with me?"
If a genie appeared in that moment to grant Duo three wishes, his first would be for his brain to quit buffering. The feeling of gears turning with zero output was maddening.
"Are you saying you're willing?"
"Yes. I thought that was clear."
Oh.
OH.
That changed things. That made everything... worse? Was it worse? Definitely.
It's not like he never considered it. When they were teenagers, even in their early twenties, Duo was very attracted to Heero. But he also knew they were friends. And somewhere along the line he took those feelings and boxed them away. Better to leave them unexplored than expose himself to being hurt, or worse, lose their friendship. If he was being honest with himself, something that became urgent and necessary in light of Heero's words, he hadn't thought of Heero that way in a long time. There were fleeting moments when he'd look at his friend and it would click how handsome he was. There were many moments over the years when he was overwhelmed with a feeling of strong love for him. On occasion he even wished to meet someone just like Heero, but not Heero, because he did want a romantic relationship that went deeper than a couple of dates and a breakup or ghosting, and Heero was the person he felt most comfortable with. Heero made him feel at home.
But those feelings about Heero always stopped short of progressing further.
Romantic feelings were off limits. They were platonic friends, and Duo was immeasurably happy with that arrangement. Was Heero... not happy? He shook his head to clear his thoughts.
"Okay, let's backtrack here. What brought this on?"
"I was thinking."
The urge to throttle Heero was strong.
"I'm gonna need something more than that, Ro. You're gonna have to elaborate."
For a split second he swore he saw apprehension in Heero's eyes, but it was quickly replaced with determination.
"Do you recall your last annual evaluation with Preventers?"
That was... odd. He had no idea why Heero would bring that up now, but he nodded an affirmative.
"During my interview they asked me what I wanted for my life. I... did not follow the question. So they re-phrased it and asked me to consider my future and what I wanted it to look like after Preventers."
Duo waited to hear the rest of the story. That couldn't be the entire thing, right? Heero just sat there, as though everything was now clear. That urge to throttle him grew.
"Ro. What the hell does that have to do with anything? Are you saying they asked what you wanted in your future, and you just up and decided we should get married?"
"Yes."
Sometimes Heero's short answers were things of beauty. Like when they needed to pick what food to eat, or what day to hang out, or when Duo confirmed a project idea was viable. Those same short answers were horrible now. Without the ability to keep asking in a civil manner, he stared at his friend, willing him to pick up on the cue and say more.
Heero did not.
"Damnit! You need to give me more than yes here, buddy! Fuckin' explain yourself! In full! Right now!"
That bit of pain from Heero's earlier expression erupted into clear pain and discomfort. Duo wasn't sure if he was glad to break through to him, or terribly guilty for hurting him.
"I guess I'd not considered my future before. Not really." Heero's voice was soft, colored with melancholy, and utterly velvety as he dropped eye contact for the first time since making his insane suggestion of marriage.
"My future was always framed around work and tasks. Before I fully processed the rest words they were asking, I knew what I wanted. And that was... you. The only thing I wanted in my future was you. And I've been thinking about it ever since. I can give up Preventers. I can give up regularly traveling between the colonies and Earth. I can give up my health, my home, my life. Those are all fleeting."
Duo could tell he was uncomfortable, but that determination, that self-assured Heero-ness about him resurfaced as blue eyes looked up and locked onto his own.
"The only thing I'm not strong enough to give up is you. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to come home to you, wake up to you, and live my life with you. Thus the plan to marry you."
A pit was forming in Duo's stomach, threatening to swallow him whole. He felt uneasy. On the border of nausea.
"You want to wake up to me?"
"Yes."
"So..." He swallowed, feeling entirely awkward. "You mean like, wake up and see me at the breakfast table?"
Heero tilted his head a little, and Duo felt like the floor was about to give way and drop from below him. If he was lucky, he'd fall into an endless pit and never resurface.
"That's acceptable, too. But I was thinking more along the lines of waking up with you next to me in bed."
"Next to you?"
"Or in each other's arms. Whichever is more suitable, as sleeping habits vary and sleeping relaxed in our own home is different than sleeping on a mission."
Duo suddenly realized how high up his eyebrows shot, and tried to neutralize his expression. He failed. He knew he looked shocked.
"You want to sleep with me?"
"In every sense, yes."
"Every... sense?"
That smirk on Heero's face, that knowing and playful look, made him want to commit violence. He wasn't even sure why. He just knew there were emotions within him and they needed release and the fastest way to do that would be to hit someone or something. For a moment he regretted being an adult and knowing better.
"It is my understanding, Duo, that sleeping with someone can be literal, but also can mean having sex. With that in mind, I would like to explore every sense of the phrase with you."
"Do you know... what you're asking?"
"Yes."
"And you've..." Duo gestured with his hand, making a circular motion to indicate there was more he wanted to say, but wasn't verbalizing, "you know... before?"
Heero's eyes narrowed.
"Duo, I'm a 36 year old man, I'm told I'm good looking, and I'm not asexual. Yes, I've had sex before."
Panic.
Duo panicked.
"Oh shit! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to... I mean, I just. Okay what I meant, you see..." He felt his heart pounding, terrified he'd insulted Heero, not sure why that was so very important to him even as Heero was taking everything he knew about his own life and turning it upside-down. "I mean obviously, look at you, you're. I mean who wouldn't—?" His eyes widened and then he hid his face under his hands. "Oh shit that didn't come out right..."
He chose to ignore how, just before he hid in embarrassment, Heero's eyes softened. Keeping both hands firmly covering his face, he forged ahead.
"Listen I just mean that I've known ya since forever and I've never seen you with anyone so I just kinda assumed you haven't really done the whole romantic relationship thing and—"
"I haven't."
Duo froze.
Tentatively, he peeked out from behind his hands. They stared at one another, and it was obvious just which one of them was comfortable with this topic and which one wanted to dig his own grave and bury himself.
"I haven't had a romantic relationship before. But I've had sex. I would like to try sex with someone I actually love, as I've read it's supposed to be a very different experience. And I would also like to try a romantic relationship as well."
Duo voiced the only thought in his head that was remotely clear.
"So why me?"
The way Heero looked at him like he was the dumbest man in existence sent his heart racing.
"I told you already. You're the person I love."
"You didn't say that."
The two of them sat, staring at each other. Duo slowly realized that Heero's couch wasn't nearly long enough to keep what now felt like an appropriate distance. It wasn't a city block in length and their proximity was making him feel unbalanced again. Heero, meanwhile, was thinking.
"You're correct. I told you that marriage was what two people did when they love each other, and suggested we get married. I hadn't told you that I love you. My apologies."
"YOUR APOLOGIES?"
Duo was livid. He didn't know what else to be.
"YOU THINK THAT EXCUSES SUGGESTING WE GET MARRIED OUT OF THE BLUE LIKE THAT?"
Heero's eyes narrowed again, but this time his cheeks colored, too. His stare was as intense as Duo had ever seen.
"I'm sorry that the idea of being with me, or being married to me, disgusts you. But I do have feelings. You don't need to react like that. A simple no would suffice."
Duo felt like the worst person in all of history, and he didn't know how to fix that. Heero was hurt. He wanted to undo everything that lead up to that. One of the things he hated most was seeing Heero hurt, and he'd been incredibly careless. To be trusted with Heero's feelings was a gift in every sense, and he'd defiled something beautiful between them. Hopefully not irreparably. But Heero was standing now, and he worried his friend would leave, or ask him to leave. So he did the only thing he could. He did it without thinking.
He reached out, grabbed Heero's wrist, stood up, and pulled him into a tight embrace.
Heero was understandably tense against him, but Duo paid that no mind. Instead, he wrapped his arms around his friend and tucked his face close to Heero's neck.
"I'm sorry, Ro."
His voice was a whisper, and he could feel the warmth of his own breath bounce off Heero's ear.
"You don't disgust me at all. You've never disgusted me, except maybe that one time you set your own broken leg."
With those words came Heero's reluctant relaxation into the hug.
"Please don't hate me for being blindsided here. I didn't react well, but I sure as hell aren't disgusted."
Heero sighed, and finally brought his arms up to return Duo's embrace.
"We're still friends?"
That voice, so quiet, so careful and full of hope, broke Duo's heart. He hugged Heero closer and brought a hand up to thread into short brown locks.
"Always friends. You're my favorite person, Heero. I love the hell outta ya. And I can't imagine my future without you in it, either."
When they eventually pulled apart, confusion was evident in Heero's eyes. He looked innocent. So innocent and open that Duo spilled everything in his brain as it reactivated and those gears turned once more.
"Yanno I used to fancy you, right? Like I totally thought of you while jerkin off during the war. Which is probably not the best thing to say to a guy but like, you were hot as hell, still are, and I just liked you. For some reason you were fun, even while so serious, and I just liked you so damn much. But I threw all those feelings out, yeah? Didn't wanna scare you off, or take advantage, or like, leer at you or whatever. I caught myself staring once while you were changing and it's not cool to do that without consent, yanno? So I put all that aside and I grew to love the hell outta you as my friend who I definitely didn't have romantic feelings for. For real, Ro, I wasn't like, harboring some hidden desire all this time. I legit was happy being your platonic best bro and there was never any ulterior motive, I wansn't tryin to get close to seduce ya or nothin, we're friends for real and—" he paused. "What's with that look?"
The small, genuine smile on Heero's face was like none Duo has seen before.
"You thought of me while jerking off?"
Panic.
Duo panicked.
Words spilled out from him, unchecked and all in one breath, so fast Heero almost didn't catch them.
"I mean don't think about that too hard we were teenagers and it's normal for a guy to feel certain things and really it doesn't make me a creep or nothin everyone thinks of something, right? I mean even you must've thought of someone or something while touching ACTUALLY let's not go there I don't need to know that but like please don't think worse of me. Aw fuck did I ruin things? I really didn't mean to do that but of everything I said thatcha could've focused on whydja haveta—"
He stopped cold when Heero brought a hand up to gently caress his cheek. Between the touch, that look in Heero's eyes that through some wishful thinking or trick borderlined on adoration, and their proximity, Duo wondered if Heero could hear the jack-hammering of his heart.
"I would like to kiss you, if that's okay."
Oh.
OH.
Maybe it's wasn't a trick after all.
Duo needed to decide what to do. Petrified as he was, as terrified as this potential step towards a level of intimacy he'd long ago released from his heart made him, he really only had three options. Let Heero kiss him, don't let Heero kiss him, or kiss Heero first. A voice in his head told him there's only two options, you baka and he decided not to let Heero remain in charge. After all, he wasn't particularly interested in being anyone's prize or anyone's timid and love-struck conquest.
No, he was assertive by nature and much preferred to be someone's equal partner.
It was immediately evident when he grabbed Heero by the collar and roughly dragged him into a kiss that Heero was not expecting Duo to make that first move. It was also immediately evident by the way he responded and deepened it that he had no problem whatsoever with that development. This time, Duo didn't mind how his brain emptied of all thoughts. In fact, he was perfectly content never to have a single meaningful thought again. Not if it meant he could taste Heero on his tongue, feel his hands around his back and waist, and unbox those old feelings stored in an unused corner of his heart. It was frightening how quickly he allowed those feelings to return front and center.
They kissed for a dizzying length of time, panting for breath when they finally parted, taking their time to open their eyes again. Heero looked excited and a bit unsure, and Duo was certain he appeared the same.
"So that was—"
"Yeah."
"You think we could—"
Heero cut Duo off, and this time they stumbled back onto the couch as Heero sucked on Duo's bottom lip and then kissed him, slipping his tongue inside for a better taste. Not nearly enough time passed before Duo pulled away, his lips swollen and their color brightened. Heero's were the same, but his hair was sticking every which way from Duo's hands threading through.
"Ro. Uh, this is—"
"Great."
"Oh, definitely. Yeah. But—"
"But?"
Duo quirked a lop-sided smile, his eyes dancing.
"But this doesn't mean we're getting marr—"
Heero leaned forward and captured his lips again, and Duo devoured him until his brain began processing. His horrible brain, interrupting something beautiful with thoughts. Why couldn't he just be an airheaded baka like everyone loved to joke he was? It took discipline to push Heero away and hold him at an arm's length.
"Wait. The annual review at work was in June."
Heero nodded.
"It's mid January!"
That gentle smile was back, and Duo hoped it never went away.
"I told you I was thinking."
"For seven months?"
"I had to be sure."
"You said you knew immediately what you wanted!"
"Yes, that's true. But I needed time to observe you and decide if there was any chance you might want the same thing." An apologetic light came into his eyes, and his smile shifted. "You gave me zero indication. I already knew you loved me, at least platonically, but had no idea if you'd be willing to have a romantic or physical relationship with me. I've known for a very long time that I love you and I'm attracted to you. It took about six months to finally decide admitting my feelings couldn't possibly be as frightening as facing down Libra, and that I should act. When you asked what I wanted to do, it seemed like a good opening to take a leap into the unknown."
"You've been attracted to me for a long time?"
"A very long time, yes."
"Huh."
"I can see you're thinking. What's going on in that brain of yours?"
"You know... They never asked me what I wanted my future to look like after Preventers. Why'd they ask you?"
"They were trying to sell me on participating in the retirement plan."
Once again Duo felt every gear in his head come to a stop.
"What?"
Heero looked at him with a grin playing on his face.
"I never signed up for their retirement plan before. They wanted me to get started because it's apparently better late than never, though I could easily use my old accounts from the war, or if I come up short on funds somehow I could just steal what I need. Siphoning from the accounts of some rich idiot with enough money not to notice is always an option."
Duo was floored.
"Are you kidding me? Are you saying we're making out on your couch because of a sales pitch from HR for a retirement plan?"
Heero nodded.
Duo was certain his soul packed up and left his body. Heero smiled at him until he got his wits about him.
"That must've been one hell of a sales pitch!"
Heero chuckled.
"Can't say it didn't work. I signed up because there's also a life insurance plan and disability plan, and I wanted to make sure my future husband was well provided for if anything happened to me."
"Heero, we just had our first kiss."
"Mhm."
"We haven't even gone on a date."
"So?"
"I'm not marrying you."
Heero smiled, intense and mischievous in a way that told Duo he was hyper focused on a mission. A hand reached for the back of Duo's neck, sending electricity across his skin. Heero guided him closer, until their breaths mingled.
"Yet. You're not marrying me yet."
Duo never responded. Heero closed that distance between them, and Duo found his brain once again pleasantly shut off.