Together, Yet Apart
From the beginning, my life was defined by loneliness.
Because that is what it means, to be the strongest. You are alone. Feared. Hunted. Revered. Reviled.
(Revered and Reviled: Funny how closely those two words resemble each other. Two sides of the same coin, in my mind. Always.)
Of course, there were moments when I rejoiced in having others tremble in my wake…
…Stop looking at me, insect…
…but mostly I was just…lonely. I was isolated. Insulated. In a prison without bars (oh, the irony). So I adapted early. As all creatures must. Even in the chilliest, harshest, most inhospitable of climates, I grew. I became strong. Unreachable, untouchable even. But inside, there was this cold, incalculable plain of desolation, an iciness that was reflected more than just in the color of my eyes.
That is, until you.
You became the light reflected in my eyes, the warmth on my icy plain. You. You became…
…you became my everything.
Seeing you for the first time, I finally felt a sense of hope. That maybe, you were strong enough, and perhaps clever enough. That you had enough fight in you to break through my metaphorical prison.
That you could reach me…
That you could burn bright enough to withstand the shadow of my overwhelming strength. Even as that shadow grew longer, and wider, and darker…
Your smile broke through to me like the sun.
I was cold, but you were kind. I was conceited, but you were generous. Persistent. You were more than just your technique. One day, you brought me chocolate covered mochi for lunch, tempting me with it like someone offering treats to a standoffish cat. You were clever and patient and genuine. You were moral in a way I was not. And slowly, I began to like you. To admire you. To…
…I began to love you.
The light to my dark, you were my moral compass. You were cheerful when I was surly. You were measured when I was dramatic. You kept me in check. And you were strong. Fearless, I would say. Your light could easily overcome my shadow, my darkness, so you began to see us as partners, as equals.
And I let you believe it.
For a long time, I would simply cock my head and smile whenever you would declare, "We're the strongest." Because it really didn't matter. Not to me. Not when I could more than make up for your lack of strength. Because I had enough power for us both. I could protect you, I could protect us. No outside threat could get near you as long as I remained the strongest.
But I was wrong.
I couldn't protect you at all.
Because the threat didn't come from outside. It came from within. Like a cancer, a fungus, it spread inside you. It invaded your mind. It twisted your thoughts. And I didn't see it. Couldn't see it. Me, who saw everything. I didn't see.
And I failed you. I failed us.
My hubris destroyed us both in the end. I was the strongest, yet I couldn't protect what mattered most…
…I couldn't protect you from you…
I couldn't even rally enough strength to stop you. Even after all your heinous acts. On the street that day, when I confronted you, when I called your name, you just turned your back on me…
On us…
…And I watched my whole world crumble as you walked away. Watched my life recede into the sunset, in dying embers of red and black. You walked away and took the best of me with you.
My heart, my love…
My one and only…
Always together, yet forever apart…
Fin.