The year is 3108 and Coffee is a myth. The edited report sent to the Voyager crew was penned as thus by one Admiral Yukon:

Preface:

The Borg as it stands to reason, are a hive mind unto themselves which place value on the collective of which they stand for, namely, assimilation of other races regardless of whether they want it or not. This poses a problem if one race is addicted to coffee for, you see, Coffee is an unknown variable to the Borg and once one person wants it, everyone starts bitching about it until the head hive leader stops by the local Starbucks and orders enough coffee to sate an addict. The thing is, when Earth spots the encroaching Rubik's cube. the last thing on their minds is making a venti mocha with whipped cream. So the Borg are about to get their coffee when a fleet of warships pop out of Slip-space and begin to fight...over coffee.

Naturally, this results in chaos. The hive mind is too tired to fight, the head leader is trying to rally its coffee starved warriors to fight and the superior numbers of the Federation are making major gains in damage. What is a leader to do? Why synthesize the coffee of course, no one can tell the difference between premium arabica and sludge...right? Well, sadly, the Borg as mentioned before, love to assimilate other races and among those are the brains of coffee experts. Cue an unending wave of pissed off coffee artisans complaining and arguing with the leaders about the brown sludge in their cups as the Federation gnaws ever deeper into the heart of the ship. Eventually the wave of screaming, crying coffee crazed lunatics turns into a cascading wall of crying coffee crazed lunatics, so the Borg commander is trying to appease both sides, while trying to stave off destruction.

Finally, after an eternity of shutting everyone up, they manage to beam a message onto the Federation ship, asking for them to stand down and get all of them a coffee with whip cream immediately...and a triple shot expresso for the now broken commander whose nerves are frayed. Surprised by this request, Earth does so only for, after everyone has had a taste, the word to get back to the commander of the Borg ship:

"Wait...why is there no sugar in this coffee?"

This naturally results in more complaining and arguments and eventually an all out brawl ensues. Imagine an entire society all with the same idea of fighting one another over the last sugar packet in space, meanwhile the leader is trying to maintain order as the Federation takes advantage of the chaos. At the end of the day, the Borg has separated into two factions: Pro coffee and Anti coffee. As the Borg requires absolute unity, this causes the ship to devolve into a floating coffin whereas nothing gets done. The good pilots are jealously guarding their dark roasts with the fury of the sun and the anti-coffee reps are shooting anyone that even breaths the word brew. Eventually, both sides discover a tragic flaw in the coffee hoarding: Coffee has a shelf life of roughly twelve months unopened but the Borg have been mainlining caffeine for days but need bigger and bigger hits, then it dawns on them that the coffee has gone bad after three months, so they are advocating an invasion of earth to get more coffee, but the Borg can't do so because both sides need to come to an agreement, an agreement that requires coffee to get done, and they don't have coffee and they need coffee to have the energy to get coffee. Eventually the Borg send an emissary to arrange for a trade: The Borg will go away if they are allowed enough coffee bags for an entire generation's travel.

Starbucks says no, Dunkin's says no and so they threaten to turn Brazil into glass unless their demands aren't met. Brazil laughs it off and begins stockpiling weapons for the invasion. The Borg, unable to think of an alternative, decide the best course of action is to attack Brazil through the one place they least suspect: Australia.

Reducing the outback to a charred wasteland, the Borg set up a landing zone and began loading Australia's deadliest creatures into boxes, poured the boxes contents into a cannon and shot the deadliest thing known to man at them: Sydney Funnel Web spiders. Angry and confused at being launched from what it assumed was a rocket, the spider proceeded to murder half of brazil as the Borg made landfall, releasing more and more spiders. Eventually the country fell and the Borg marched out of Brazil with their coffee in hand."

The others went deathly silent as Janeway entered the room.

"Coffee, black please"

no one answered and Janeway asked again.

"I said, Coffee...black...NOW!" she yelled.

"Five bucks says the captain has to tell her" said one of the crew.

Admiral Yukon whispered something into her ear and she went as white as a sheet. She disappeared into her quarters and the crew could hear her screams of frustration. She emerged from the room and immediately got a crew ship ready.

"Sir, the ships aren't capable of-" started the quartermaster

"They want a war, We'll give them a war" she said with utter venom in her voice. Officer Janeway and a few others beamed onto the Borg ship. She had left the channel open. The only thing that could be heard was the sound of gunfire and a very livid Janeway beating the Borg Commander to death with a coffee mug made out of Tritanium alloy, causing his head to literally explode from the impact. Chaos ensued as the now leaderless Borg devolved into infighting and the cube imploded, just as Janeway and the others beamed back onto the ship.

(apologies if this story is rather rough, My knowledge of star trek isn't very good)