Bleach: Temptation Island!
(Just a quick disclaimer: For the purposes of this fanfiction, all characters referenced are 18 or over, since in the source material in the earlier seasons they may be younger than that. This fanfiction just takes place a few years after the early seasons)
Chapter 1: A New Idea
oOo
(5th Division HQ)
Shirahime, one of the leaders of Soul Society, was enjoying a time of relative peace and financial stability along with other members among Gotei 13. Over the past couple years, rivalries or financial difficulties were successfully addressed, or at least weren't so pressing now. However, one lingering issue persisted. Orihime, the "fake" princess as Shirahime called her, kept pissing everyone off and causing alarm due to her incessant infatuation with Ichigo, who she fancied but he didn't desire her as much. She had been drooling over him for some years, and it seemed nothing could allay this.
Shirahime called a meeting to brainstorm. "Ugh, of all the troubles we've overcome, she STILL keeps trying to get with Ichigo. I don't think she's mature enough and would just suffocate him." She didn't have to specify who she was talking about.
"I don't think she's mature enough to have a pet hamster", Shinji Hirako said. "She keeps wanting to have a son with him. I guess some guys would like the attention, but Ichigo's obstinance probably just makes her want him more."
Ichibei stepped in. "I even tried giving her the sex drive of a lump of coal! And I think it worked for awhile, but she probably saw him without his shirt while working outside. It undid my bankei. That's only happened once before..."
"Well we need to try something different. Maybe a guy she would like more than Ichigo. Her horizons are kind of limited to this place."
Shirahime thought this was a good point. Maybe another guy would be just what they needed; after all, most people like her thought they were in love after their first infatuation, until they had more life experience. Her TV was on in the next room, and after a moment something caught her ear. She listened for a moment, and the three went in to see this announcement.
An obnoxious announcer hyped up the program, while tons of retarded shots, sound effects, and sexually suggestive innuendo flashed across the screen. "Next season on TEMPTATION ISLAND! We bring three couples on, and let them face the ULTIMATE TEST! Can they stay together? Will their love last? (image of happy couple) or will they STRAY!? (image of crying woman followed by image of a man holding his head in his hands, which were totally connected to each other)
"Hmm", Ichibei thought. "Maybe this could work where my bankei failed."
"It might, if we can get them on there."
The announcer continued. "The couple who can stay together THE LONGEST walks away with a $250,000 cash prize. WHO WILL IT BE?! Tune in and we'll see who goes the distance!... (near-whisper) Brought to you by Butte and Hand, Divorce attorneys; Itchincrack STD Resource Clinic; and the Maury Povich show."
This show, Temptation Island, was fully intended and presented as a positive and uplifting experience where couples could display and strengthen their devotion. In no way was it a giant ball of burning garbage capitalizing on ruining relationships for entertainment.
After a short moment, Shinji stated his idea. "You guys thinking what I'm thinking?"
Shirahime found her solution. "Yes, her and Ichigo! And even if it doesn't work, she'll at least make us some money. I'll go talk to her, see what she thinks."
(Karakura Town)
Shirahime went to find Orihime in her typical haunts, even though she didn't typically like seeing her. She found her at her house, and decided to pitch her idea. "Oh hey Orihime, great to see you here. I was just thinking of something I saw on TV that you might like."
Orihime found Shirahime's friendly disposition suspicious. Surely, she was up to something. "What brings you here? Trying to get between me and my Ichigo again? He's so dreamy!"
"Uh yeah, it's actually about that. There's this gameshow where couples go on, and they compete to stay together the longest! Since you like Ichigo so much-"
"LOVE, buttface!"
"Love him so much, it should be easy."
"And why are you so eager to help me now? You've been trying to prevent fate with him."
"I think that this would show Ichigo just how much you like him. It would be fun. And after you win, there's a cash prize."
"Oh I don't need the money, as long as I have my beloved! Maybe then EVERYONE will see that we're meant to be together."
"Yeah", Shirahime joked. "No more hiding in his bushes."
While Shirahime meant this as a joke, Orihime felt somewhat embarrassed. "You didn't see-, I mean, no I wouldn't do that!"
"I'll apply to the show for you and Ichigo, and let you know what to expect next." Shirahime also went to Ichigo with the plan. He would have to spend some time around her in surely unscripted encounters, but afterward she may not see him as so special anymore and she would lose interest. At least at this stage in her life, until she was older.