Flug was just innocently in the checkout line at the grocery store, buying meals of questionable nutrition, when he noticed it. It was something of a miracle he'd blocked it out as long as he had, the decorations were everywhere in the windows and on the walls.
Chocolate. Everywhere. Milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, peanut butter filled, caramel filled, caramel covered, fudge covered, creme covered, bars, kisses and truffles with icing, with nougat, with and without nuts. Nothing extravagant, just generic candy brands cashing in on the holiday candy rush.
And reminding Flug that Valentine's Day was this week.
Flug had mixed feelings on Valentine's Day. On the one hand, he'd spent the day alone nearly every year of his life wondering what it must be like to be a couple on this most romantic holiday. He had overheard people around school chatting about their plans with their sweethearts, even as kids they tried to do something special. Even if they'd only been together a week! They spent what little money they had on a romantic date night, or some big showy gift like flowers or giant teddy bears. Naturally there was always a ton of Valentine's candy exchanged during classes as well as at lunch. He knew it was just one day with no real significance but that didn't stop him from yearning.
On the other hand, there had been one year he hadn't been alone. And they did do something...special. Nothing crazy, just taking the next step up from kissing. Maybe a few steps up, Flug didn't have much frame of reference. Julio however did and was nothing if not adventurous. Flug tried to be too, as nervous as he was.
Ohhhh, his first Valentine's Day with his first boyfriend. His first Valentine! It was a wonder he didn't implode from all the emotions surging through him. He'd been dreaming of it for ages. It wasn't exactly how he imagined it, he'd pictured something a little fancier than feeding each other Chinese takeout in the dark, but if that was what Julio wanted then that was what he was going to get. Rocinante only had enough money on him to cover one meal, but that didn't matter to Julio. He just smiled cheekily and said "Guess we'll have to share."
And that was how they both ended up with sweet and sour pork smudged all over their faces. Movies made it look so easy to feed each other. Then again, people in movies usually had more than a cloud-covered night sky to guide their hands. They had candlelight, or a setting sun, or even dimmed interior lighting. They never had to sneak around out of sight like Rocinante and Julio did.
Their eyes never did fully adjust to the shadows. They fumbled with everything from the food to the utensils to each other. Far from the romantic evening Rocinante had pictured in his head but he wouldn't trade it for anything. Even if he could barely see Julio's face, he could see his silhouette in the darkness and the way his body shook as he laughed that carefree laugh of his. Rocinante laughed too, at how Julio kept getting sauce on his chin and his nose and even once in his eye. Julio kept apologizing through his lighthearted giggles. He tried wiping away the sauce only to poke Roci in the eye again. He promised he was usually much better with his hands when he could see what he was reaching for. And something about that gave Rocinante an idea...
Flug focused back on the present as he paid for his groceries. He smiled sadly as he waited for the bus to take him home. Bittersweet as some of his memories with Julio were, they were precious. And every so often he remembered how happy he'd been. Even for just a short time.
He wondered if he should get Black Hat something for Valentine's Day. Would that be weird? They were supposed to be dating as far as anyone else was concerned, surely it wouldn't be amiss if Flug gave him something small. Just to maintain their cover. That was all. Just to keep up appearances. It'd be much weirder not to get him something right? Right. Flug then spent the majority of the bus ride contemplating what on earth to get him. A card? What would he write? Thanks for giving me that much needed push to be gay and do crime. I couldn't have done it without you. Black Hat didn't like sweet things so candy was out. Flowers? It was laughable but, maybe... Oh what was he thinking, he couldn't give Black Hat flowers! Men don't give each other flowers!
...Do they?
Assuming society was not going to crumble from Flug breaking gender norms more publicly, it still felt weird to get another man flowers of all things. Would Black Hat even want flowers? If Flug was going to do this he may as well try and get Black Hat something he'd actually like. Or at the very least something nice. Roses would be a safe bet, right? Just because of the holiday. Red roses, his favorite color and a classic Valentine's Day present. Oooh, what about black roses? That would make such a perfect bouquet!
Now, did black roses actually exist? Flug couldn't remember ever seeing one in person. And what would he give Black Hat if he couldn't find them? He was right back at square one.
Flug stepped off of the bus and made his way down the street to his apartment building. Maybe the ElecTrap 2.0 would be a good gift. Just tell Black Hat his present was waiting for him back at Flug's apartment. That was good, plausible, suggestive. Demetra would believe it. And surely Black Hat would enjoy having another invention to test so soon after the Stun Gun. Yeah. That would be fine. Much better than something silly like flowers.
Flug's heart pounded. He took in long breaths of air through his nose and let them out his mouth slowly. It was one of the techniques used in hypnosis videos to relax his body and he hoped it would do the job now as well. If he could keep his body calm, he could keep his mind calm. He counted the facts of the matter with each breath in. One, Aurelio was right where he'd been last time Flug had tracked him down between classes. Two, he'd come here straight from his calculus class (which he was actually doing well in, compared to his high school grades). Three, according to his class schedule (which Flug had spent a good portion of Sunday night tracking down off the school computer system) he did not have another class today. Four, there were about half as many people around him compared to before. Five, that might mean something important but Flug wasn't in the right headspace to work out what exactly. That last one wasn't so much a fact as it was a statement. Maybe an observation? Not important and not helping. Deep breath in, and out. In, and out. In-
A hand clasped his shoulder.
Flug jumped as he was shaken violently out of his thoughts, barely stifling his pathetic whimper of fright at Black Hat's arrival. His lungs moved air in and out of his body sporadically. He yelled in a whisper "You almost ga-gave me a heart attack!"
"You called me here. What's going on?" Black Hat looked over where Flug had been staring. "Ah, back to your...old habits I see."
"I d-don't want him getting the drop on us again." Flug looked away in...embarrassment? Shame? What did he have to be ashamed of? This was totally different from when Flug would spy on him before.
"Flug, keeping tabs on him is exactly what you should've been doing from the first day classes started back up. I hope this isn't all you called me here for. There are at least three other positions we'd be better hidden from him in."
Flug's brow furrowed in annoyance. Now was not the time for Black Hat to be getting all uppity with him! Couldn't he see what Flug was going through? He fought to keep his voice low and even. "This is exactly where I found him last time. This, this is where I sh-sho-shot him. He came straight here from class, and there's nothing else on his class schedule so where he goes from here is a mystery, f-for now. I c-called you here bec-c-cause-" Flug's hands shook. His arms shook. His voice shook. He was shook. One more deep breath in through his nose. "I do-don't think I can do this on m-my own."
Black Hat sighed and took hold of his hand. "Come on." He led him back around the surrounding buildings. From there they cut across the campus grounds, passing through a few groups of bystanders to a large tree that provided much in the way of cover and a bit of a vantage point from the mound of its sprawling roots splitting the carefully manicured grass. They had nearly doubled the distance between Aurelio and them, while still maintaining a visual. With a greater amount of obscurity and someone still holding his hand, Flug found himself able to breathe easier. He felt like a weight had been lifted off of his chest.
"I see that this is hard for you. I'm sorry I dismissed your feelings." Black Hat looked away and back again. "Thank you for calling me."
"Thank you for coming. I, um, I thought it'd be like riding a bi-bike, but..." Flug trailed off. But what? But going back to his "old habits" was bringing up old feelings? No, that wasn't quite right. He felt nowhere near the same way he did as a teenager. But he remembered how he felt and it disgusted him. He was disgusted with Aurelio and with himself. Flug couldn't bring himself to voice any of this, silently squeezing Black Hat's hand for comfort. The top-hatted man returned the gesture and directed Flug's eyes outward. Even at this distance Aurelio was easy to spot from the crowd. They however would be much harder to find, if Aurelio even knew to be on the lookout. What was more difficult was telling what exactly he was doing. Flug supposed that wasn't terribly important right now, otherwise why would Black Hat have led him here? All they had to do was wait and watch. They just needed to see where Aurelio went from here. He raised an arm, he got up, he was walking off, four others followed while the rest stayed behind. They were on the move-
"They're on the move," Black Hat derailed Flug's train of thought. "Let's go."
Black Hat dragged him along, taking winding routes behind buildings and between foliage, keeping pace with Aurelio while maintaining their distance. Flug made a mental note of every nook and corner they hid behind, knowing Aurelio had a habit of taking the same paths. He and his posse stopped briefly outside Cafe Triste before walking past towards the parking lot at the far end of campus. Was he looking for...them? Had he been peeking in to see if Flug or Black Hat were inside and since they weren't he was leaving? Flug gulped, imagining what Aurelio would've done if they were at the cafe right now and not crouched behind someone's ugly eggplant colored car.
"He seems to be leaving." Black Hat noted. "Do you think he's going home or somewhere else?"
Flug frantically racked his brain trying to scrounge up any information that might point to where Aurelio would go in this scenario. He ran through everything he remembered from tailing him around highschool and through social media. His genius-level intellect came up with absolutely nothing. "Ummm... I d-don't know."
Black Hat hummed. "Mmmm. We'll have to find out another day then."
"We're ju-just letting him go?"
"Only for now, my sweet." Black Hat stood up straight and stretched his back. "You said you got his class schedule?"
"Yeah, yeah. He has-"
Black Hat cut him off with a raised hand. "Send it to me, I'll be able to remember it better."
"Uh, ok." Like...through text? Email? Flug didn't know Black Hat's email. He wouldn't be terribly shocked if Black Hat knew his though.
Black Hat walked off, motioning for Flug to follow him. Flug did so without a word, and they stopped outside of Cafe Triste. Black Hat leaned against the building and looked off into the distance thoughtfully. He spoke low under his breath. "I am very quickly losing my patience with that petulant child. I'm sure you feel the same. I want you to continue monitoring him carefully. Stay on top of him but keep your distance. We must gather all the information we can before making our move."
"Right. I, ahh, I know you said we couldn't risk doing anything too soon, but... Are we re-really gonna put up with him for a whole year?"
"That depends entirely on you, Flug. If he continues refusing to leave us in peace, we'll have motive no matter what we do. Ergo, we may as well start planning. I will instruct you in the ways of villainy, and it will be up to you to put my lessons into effect when you are ready. However long that takes is however long we will have to endure him."
Flug nodded mutely. On the one hand he was glad to have Black Hat and his lifetime of criminal experience on his side, on the other his confidence came and went in waves where Aurelio was concerned and he was afraid that even with Black Hat's help he'd choke when the time came. He wanted to be ready now. He wanted it to be over and done with and to look back and laugh at what he'd accomplished. Every second he wasn't doing that was a second he was doubting himself.
"Hey." Black Hat put a hand on Flug's shoulder. "You did well today. You kept your composure and you've already started tracking him again online, right? Just keep that up and you'll be able to deduce the ideal place and time to strike. And..." His hand slid down Flug's arm and intertwined their fingers. "Do not hesitate to call me again if you need to, ok?"
"Ok."
A dull smack made them both turn towards the glass window of the cafe, where Demetra's hands and face pressed against it like she was trying to get through it by sheer force of will. Her eyes were watering as if she was on the verge of tears and her open palms smacked the glass repeatedly. She seemed to be trying to talk to them. Flug was no lip-reading master or anything but he almost thought he faintly heard her voice, "¡Mis pobrecitooooooooooooooooooos!"
"Someone must've told her what happened last week," Black Hat remarked. "Are you up for being questioned and coddled and caffeinated?"
Flug was very much up for one of those things, which would hopefully make the other two more bearable. "Yeah."
"My next class is at one so this'll really have to be quick."
"That's fine. I usually just scarf down whatever I get and go straight back to the lab."
"Heh, you don't say."
"So, what are you in the mood for?" Luis asked. "I like the shrimp tacos personally. The sauce just ties the whole thing together, you know?"
"Uhhhh, sure. Sounds good to me. Black Hat?"
"Shrimp is fine." He said. At least he wasn't glaring at Luis like he was about to push him off a second-story ledge anymore.
Black Hat had shown up unexpectedly once Flug's public speaking class got out, in his typical unexplained and vaguely threatening manner of waiting right across from the door so he was impossible to miss. A wide grin spread across his face as soon as their eyes met. At this point Flug wasn't even phased. He just walked right up to him and let him speak.
"Good morning my dear. I thought we might go for a walk before your next class and do a bit of people watching." His toothy smile made his intentions clear as he offered Flug his arm.
Flug was about to take it when a voice came up from behind him.
"Rocinante!" Luis latched onto his shoulders. "We're still on for tacos right? You promised, remember?"
"Uhhhh..." Flug looked from Black Hat to Luis to Black Hat again trying to figure out which of them he could ditch with the least repercussions. "I did promise, but-"
"But we both have so little time between classes, we try and save it for each other." Black Hat interjected, pulling Flug towards him and away from Luis like a child taking their favorite toy away from a grabby classmate. "There's this little cafe we go to, the staff all know us, it's close and convenient, you understand."
"Ha, yeah. All we get is coffee anyway." Flug sheepishly chuckled. "It's been kind of like our own little spot, until..."
"Until?"
"Until that rego do cu started showing up." Black Hat growled.
"I'm gonna take a wild guess and say you mean Aurelio Cruz."
"That's the ass, yes."
"Yeah, h-he's started hanging around ever since the semester started." Flug rubbed his arm nervously. "It kinda sucks."
"The two of you can fill me in over tacos." Luis took them both by the arms, which Black Hat did not look happy about. "C'mon, if nothing else he won't bother you today."
Black Hat shot Flug a look that was something between disgust and restrained murderous intent. Flug meekly shrugged in response, and that was how the three of them ended up at some taco place awkwardly trying to make small talk beyond how much of a pain Aurelio was.
"It's a wonder he hasn't been banned yet." Luis remarked, shoving the last of his two tacos into his mouth.
"Wouldn't that be great," Flug mumbled between bites. Maybe Demetra could help with that, she could certainly back them up that the man was a menace hellbent on harassing them at every opportunity.
Black Hat grunted, more or less tolerating Flug's new "friend". He was far more preoccupied with his phone than he was with their conversation. Flug couldn't tell from this angle if he was scrolling through some app or texting someone.
"Oh I forgot to say, nice going on your speech today Rocinante."
"Speech?" Black Hat picked his head up.
"Thanks. I just wish I hadn't stuttered so much."
"It was only two or three times near the end, I'd say that's not too bad."
"Excuse me, what's this about a speech?" Black Hat asked.
"I had to give a speech about myself in class today." Flug stuffed his face so he didn't have to talk as much. "It was kind of a pain."
"What did you say?"
"Just some junk about planes, inventing, and my scars."
"I think it was pretty brave of you to say all that." Luis smiled kindly. "And hey, you made it out way better than your friend."
"Your friend?" Black Hat's eye narrowed as he scrutinized Flug.
"Yes, my friend Julio. I've told you about him before."
"Mmmm hmmm." Black Hat shoved a taco into his mouth menacingly.
"So what else is going on with you?" Luis drummed on the table. "What's your next class?"
"History of Heroism."
"Not with Sr. Robles is it?"
"Uhhh, yeah?"
"Oooof." Luis grimaced. "I'll pray for you, wey. He's a big hero fanboy."
"Oh really?" Flug asked sarcastically. "I hadn't noticed. Is that why his desktop background is just a collage of Apagón photos?"
"Ugh, he cannot stop talking about him. Oh hey, I think I still have my old text book. You can have it if you didn't already buy one. Is the 15th edition ok?"
"Yeah, yeah that'll work. Thanks Luis." Sweet, didn't have to buy another textbook. Having a friend was really starting to pay off.
"Speaking of, look at the time." Black Hat was already getting up. "You don't want to be late. Come on."
"Ah, right, um, sorry to cut lunch so short Luis."
"It's fine," he waved them off. "I gotta get to work on my exo-suit anyway. See you in class."
"Yeah see you." Flug called out as Black Hat led them out the door.
"What did you say, exactly?"
"What?"
"In your speech. About your friend Julio. What did you say?"
"Oh. I said he was my friend, who I went on a joyride with in the Air Force, and that's how I got these scars."
Black Hat huffed. "Your friend, huh?"
"As far as anyone else knows, that's all he was." Besides you. "I'm not stupid enough to get caught in a lie about what happened if that's what you're worried about."
"I never said I was worried. I expect you to be able to handle yourself in these situations. I won't accept anything but the best from you."
"That's ah, that's a lot of pressure you know that?"
"Nothing you can't handle, darling." Black Hat slung an arm around Flug's shoulders. "I know you won't let me down."
Flug kept his eyes forward. Paying no mind to the bystanders stealing glances at them as they walked past. He was confident that they wouldn't be pestered today, not by these people. They gave the two of them a wide berth as they passed. Good. Flug was still not thrilled with being "known" around campus, but he much preferred being someone no one wanted to mess with than someone people felt comfortable approaching for details on his private life.
The feeling of eyes all over him lessened considerably once they got inside the building. Here in the hallways, everyone was either rushing to finish the last of their homework or too engrossed in their own lives to care about the two of them. He and Black Hat parted at the classroom door with a kiss. Flug took his usual seat, reflecting on how such a small act had felt so monumentally impossible before. How he'd been paralyzed by the mere thought of what other people would say. Now, he couldn't care less if he tried. He'd prefer to not catch his classmates peeking out of the corners of their eyes at him, but he'd accepted that there was only so much he could do without violence. And now was not the time or place for violence. Listen to him, thinking like a true psychopath. Flug smiled to himself as Sr. Robles walked in. Already he was tuning the professor out in favor of his deep dark thoughts.
How ironic it all was. Flug had resigned himself to the "righteous" way of life, and what did it get him? His only plans were to follow the path laid out for him along with everyone else. Just going through the motions without ever truly feeling any joy for where his life was headed. Things were different now. He was excited to see where life would take him next, even if it made him anxious sometimes. He wanted to see Black Hat's crazy scheme in action. He wanted to be a part of it. He wanted to do whatever he could to make it happen. He felt like he had something to actually strive for now.
He felt like he could do anything in the world. Even kill.
As it turned out, it felt pretty damn good.
"Afternoon, Rocinante." Dr. León greeted him in a perky tone. "How are you today?"
Flug took his seat across from her. "For the most part ok. How are you?"
"Oh I'm fine. Nothing too noteworthy. See any friends in your classes?"
"Actually, yeah. One of my, um, friends from the Engineering Club. He's in one of my classes."
"Good, keep each other on your toes. Trust me, I would've failed so many classes if my friends weren't keeping me in line."
They both chuckled. Flug awkwardly looked around the room and tried to think of something to say next. They were going to talk about Julio today, one way or another. Should he wait for her to probe into it or bring it up himself?
"So that's one thing. Anything else happened since last week?"
"No no...well..." What the hell, he was supposed to talk about his feelings anyway. And this was something that bothered him. "I saw Aurelio on Friday."
Dr. León's face became much more serious. "Would you like to talk about it?"
Flug spent the next ten minutes or so recounting his impromptu meeting with Aurelio at Cafe Triste. He held back on the tears, but couldn't help how watery his eyes became. Or how dry his throat got. He could really use a glass of water right about now.
"And I did not have a 'c-crush' on him." He croaked out. "Thinking about him t-touching me m-m-makes my skin crawl."
"Do you need another tissue?"
"No, thank you." Flug dabbed at his eyes. He went ahead and blew his nose for good measure. "I'm ok. B-Black Hat showed up and we left, and I haven't seen him since, so I'm ok."
"Did Black Hat get violent again?"
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm yes." Flug admitted.
"What did he do?"
"He uh, he slammed Aurelio's head into the table."
"How many times?"
"Just twice."
"Oh so he held back." Dr. León scratched around her ear.
"Ha ha, yeah."
"Was there any blood?"
"I don't think so. There was a loud crack though, like he might've broken his nose or something. We didn't stick around."
"I see. What did you think about that? That's the second time now Black Hat's done something like this, right? How did that make you feel?"
"I mean..." Flug looked away, and tried to think of what to say other than I'd let Black Hat kill him but I'd rather do it myself. "I know it was wrong, and violence isn't the way to solve this but...it's Aurelio. Black Hat w-was defending me. Maybe his temper got the better of him, but like you said, he held back. He can hold himself back. And right after, we got in his car and he held me." Flug held himself, remembering it. "I told him everything and we sat there for a few minutes until I felt b-better. He said I ha-handled it well and he held me until I stopped crying. And then he took me home."
Dr. León scribbled something down on her notepad. "Ok. Did anything else happen this past week?"
"No, nothing else." He most certainly did not go back to stalking Aurelio. Just like Black Hat had not given him the comfort and encouragement needed to continue stalking him. Similarly he did not have a friend steal one of his inventions for him to upgrade to a lethal weapon.
"Alright. Would you mind if I ask you about something from our last session? I believe you said you had had a boyfriend before, and something like what happened with Aurelio had happened before as well?"
Flug averted his eyes and stared at the floor. He grimaced. "Yeah."
"Would you like to talk about that?"
He laughed slightly. "No. I, um, I-I don't really talk about that."
"May I ask how long ago that was?"
"Three years."
He saw Dr. León adjust her glasses out of the corner of his eye. "That's quite a long time to keep something all to yourself."
"Y-You don't say." Flug shakily laughed.
"If you want to talk, I'm here. If not, we can talk about something else. Anything else. What did you have for dinner last night?"
"Uhhhhhh, I don't remember." With the ElecTrap 2.0 finished, he'd started brainstorming upgrades for his other devices. And may or may not have had some soothing hypnotic voice on repeat for hours while he sketched blueprints. Now that he thought about it he might've skipped dinner. And breakfast. "I think I just heated up something small."
"I see. Anything else on your mind?"
There was not anything else in Flug's mind besides Julio and what happened three years ago. Did he want to talk about it? No. But also yes, because three years was an awfully long time to live with something perpetually in the back of one's head. Flug knew he couldn't tell Dr. León what really happened, but he could give her a bit more than he'd given anyone else. Hough he could only bring it up in the most roundabout way.
He stuttered. "D-Did I tell you I went to the Air Force after high school?"
"You mentioned it. I'm guessing you applied for your scholarship...after?"
"Yeah. I, ah, I was only there for a little over a ye-year."
"What happened?"
"I...I mean, we..." Flug grappled with his words, trying to get the usual half-truths and white lies out of his throat. "There was an a-a-accident. A lo-lot of people..."
Dr. León took over. "How about we try backing up a bit? Why did you apply to the Air Force? Was it for financial aid?"
"That was wh-what I told my p-p-parents, but really it was to ge-get away from home."
"I remember you said you wanted a change. May I ask why you chose the Air Force? I wouldn't think that would be much of a change for the better."
Flug shrugged. "I like planes, and flying and...I wanted to get away and th-think about things." His parents, his home, Aurelio. He just needed to be away from it all. He supposed he thought if he went out on his own it would change something about himself, and he'd be able to return home a different man. A better man. A man who could face his problems.
"I see. How did that go?"
"Ok, I-I mean it was hard, at first, but I got used to it. I got pretty into shape too, heh heh, a-and I enjoyed getting up close to the jets. And, and flying, in the air was...amazing."
"You mentioned you got your scars in a plane crash. Did that happen in the Air Force?"
Flug fiddled with his fingers in his lap. "Ye-Yes."
"Did that have anything to do with the accident you mentioned?" He nodded. "Could you tell me what happened?"
"M-Me and, and s-s-someone else stole a p-plane. It was really old, we just b-barely got it in the sky for a few minutes b-be-before..." He took a deep breath in. "Before we lost control."
There was a pause. Flug wasn't looking at Dr. León so he couldn't say exactly why. "I'm sorry, you stole a plane?"
"Ye-Yeah. It was this old cargo p-plane they had lying around, it probably hadn't flown in years."
"...Why?"
"They'd upgraded, I guess."
"No, I mean, why did you steal a plane?"
"It wa-wasn't my idea." He lied. "He- W-We..." Flug hung his head and sighed. Even after all these years it left a bad taste in his mouth blaming Julio for his big blunder. "It was a stupid mistake made by a couple of st-stupid kids."
The room was quiet except for the sound of a pen scribbling on paper. It started to bother Flug after a solid thirty seconds uninterrupted.
"This person you stole a plane with," Dr. León spoke up finally. "May I ask who he was?"
Flug made a conscious effort to lift his head and look Dr. León in the eye. "Julio."
"What was that?"
"His name was Julio."
"Would you tell me a bit about him?"
Flug looked off at the ceiling. "He was..." Everything I wasn't. "Daring. And bold. He wasn't out to his pa-parents either, but that didn't hold him back. He used to tell me sometimes about how he used to s-sneak around with his 'f-friends' and no one ever suspected a thing." He smiled, remembering Julio reassuring him. So long as they were careful no one would know. They just had to be mindful when they were around other people.
"I see. Did you two sneak around?"
"Yeah. We uh, we didn't feel comfortable being public yet. But we still wanted to be t-t-together, you know? Even if it was just between us. Not really anyone else's business right?"
"Very true. May I ask how you and Julio got together? Initially I mean?"
"We, uh, well...he caught my eye every now and again." Julio had an athletic build and dark brown hair. His eyes were even darker, almost black. They sparkled everytime he laughed. His smile always made those crinkly lines at the corners of his eyes. And he smiled a lot. Like he didn't have a care in the world. He was maybe a few centimeters shorter than Flug, but that was all. Forgive him if he got lost in thought and just so happened to be looking in Julio's general direction for prolonged periods of time. "And I guess I caught his."
The first time Julio caught him staring he'd been so worried. What if Julio thought he was a creep now? What if he was weirded out by him? What if he suspected? What if he reciprocated? Flug had no idea how to tell if he was into guys or not. Suffice to say his gay-dar was shit. He didn't have any reason to believe Julio was anything other than straight, not that he even knew what to look for. Should he expect some kind of hand/body movement signal? Something like a piercing or tattoo? Was there some kind of code word or phrase to identify each other?
Regardless, Flug had decided he'd avert his eyes for a while. Just pay Julio no mind at all. No more than was necessary. The absolute last thing he needed was to get caught staring again.
Flug couldn't keep his eyes off of him. Every time he back-talked to a superior, every time he told a corny joke that made everyone else groan, every time he'd sing to himself in the showers horribly off-key and the same awful song everytime. He just couldn't help himself. Rocinante would get caught, look away in shame, and then get the feeling he was being watched and turn around to catch Julio staring at him. He just didn't know how to interpret that! Was it a good sign? A bad sign? It happened over and over again until neither man backed down. Rocinante's anxiety levels were peaked but he needed something to go off of to figure out what this all meant!
And then Julio winked. And flashed him a smile. That damn mischievous little smirk of a smile. Rocinante had to excuse himself and splash his face with ice water. It was the only thing he could think of to a) get out of that situation, and b) hide his burning red face. Rocinante spent the rest of the night turning it over in his head. Was that it? Was that the signal? Like, THE signal? As the days went on Julio didn't treat him any differently, he acted if he hadn't done anything at all. So then, not the signal? But then why would he say-
-"So, Rocinante. Do your friends call you Roci?"
"I, um, no. No they don't." Maybe they would if he HAD friends.
"That's a shame." Julio suddenly swung an arm around him and declared, "From now on, I'm going to call you Roci."
"Uhhhh, ok."
"Do you want to go out on the town with me tonight, Roci? Me and the guys, I mean."
"O...k...?" He was so confused.-
-"So, a lot of staring, trying to figure out if he sees you as just a friend or not, and asking each other out without asking each other out?"
"Uhh, y-yeah. Kind of." Flug was caught off guard, and not just because he'd been snapped out of his reminiscing. There was no kind of about it. That was exactly what had happened! Though Julio was way, way, WAY better at playing it cool. But how could she know that? "Um..."
Dr. León looked up from her notepad. "Yes?"
"Uhhhh, nothing. Nothing. So, um, once we got everything s-sorted out, we started hanging out more. Not always in secret, sometimes we'd just be ta-talking about random stuff. Didn't need to hide that. Julio said that the best thing to do was to act like we were just f-friends. That was how he did it back home. We would sneak off together when we had free time, or sometimes a bunch of us from our unit would go out together as a group and me and him would go off on our own somewhere. It got to the point that we started h-having regular meet-ups and favorite little hideaways." Flug smiled fondly, remembering the storage room at the end of one hall that hardly anyone went in, that one broom closet that was just big enough for the both of them, the random places out and about in the dark where no one saw them.
"How long did this go on?"
"A few months." His mood darkened as he remembered what brought an end to his brief period of happiness. "Then...someone found out."
"Was it someone in your unit?"
"Yes. His name was Gabriel." At least 182 centimeters of muscle, dark hair, fair skin, a real yes man to his superiors and a real asshole to those he felt were beneath him. "He walked in on us and threatened to tell everyone if we didn't do what he wanted."
"What did he want?"
"A few things. First it was doing his chores, then doing his laundry, then he wa-wanted our food, then he got his f-f-friends in on it." Flug laughed, one single joyless chuckle. He gripped the armrests of his chair tensely. "They used to hi-hit us sometimes. And if anyone n-n-noticed the bruises we lied about them. W-We, we used to help each other come up with l-lies, actually. Like, Julio was messing around while mopping and b-b-banged up his arm. Or I knocked s-something over and it hit me in the f-fa-f-face. Everyone tho-thought we were such klutzes." All the while Gabriel and his toadies snickered at them. Laughing as the two of them were reprimanded again and again. God it all came rushing back to him. All that pain, feeling so powerless. Julio was no better off and yet all he did was help him. Flug didn't feel at all like he did anything to really make Julio feel better. He just...mirrored what Julio did. He kissed his bruises and told him how strong he was, too strong to be hurt by words or fists. He helped him stand and walked him to the infirmary. That was when it happened, wasn't it? When the nurse stepped out for a minute, Flug forgot why, he was too busy cleaning out the scrape on Julio's forehead. They drew blood. How dare they draw blood! He needed to do something! He had to put a stop to this-
-"You're still thinking about what they said, huh?"
"No."
"You are."
"No, I'm thinking about how many times this week they've b-beaten you into the ground." Roci replied. He was so, so angry. At Gabriel, at the world, at himself. But what could he do? All he could seem to accomplish was sitting there trying and failing not to give in to the hopelessness of the situation. Maybe he would be better off dead. It couldn't be worse than the hell he was living right now.
Julio seemed to know exactly what was going on in his head. He reached out and squeezed his shoulder. His eyes were so deep and beautiful. "Listen to me Roci, he's the one who'd be better off dead. Not you, not me, him. Because he is a spineless, cowardly douche of a man who will never do anything with his life except what he's told to. As a matter of fact, the whole world would probably be better off if Gabriel Sueños just dropped dead."
"Heh, maybe," Roci laughed. Julio winced as the alcohol made contact with his open cut again. "Sorry."
"It's okay Roci. You'll just have to make it up to me later." Julio winked at him just like he had that night. The night that started it all.
The nurse came back in and they resumed their facade of "just friends". But those words stuck in Rocinante's head. As his own wounds were attended to, an idea formed. Like a little seed had suddenly sprouted in his brain. He tried not to think about it, but as time went on it only took root more and more until it was too deep to ignore any longer.
Gabriel had to die. He had to die and Rocinante had to be the one to do it.-
-Dr. León passed him a few tissues. He accepted, barely coming back to his senses. He blew his nose and noticed his cheeks were wet. He'd been crying without even realizing it. Flug thought back to what Black Hat said about going easy on the tears but this he couldn't help. This was real. It almost felt like it was happening all over again.
"That's...awful." Dr. León looked as if she'd begun to tear up as well. "I can't imagine how painful that must've been."
"I-I couldn't do anything." Flug whimpered. "I was s-s-so scared, all the time. And Julio, he a-always acted so strong, but I know he must've been scared t-too. We thought, we thought we might get ki-kicked out, and our family's would f-f-find out an-and, and there was nothing we could do."
"Was that what you meant before, when you said you couldn't go through that again? You couldn't let it escalate to such a point?"
"They wr-wrecked Black Hat's car, what else would they do? And Aurelio, with his G-Gift...I d-don't even want to th-th-think about it. I ha-had to put a stop to it! Y-You, you have to unders-s-stand I couldn't just do nothing again! Not again."
"I understand. It's only natural to want to protect the people you care about, as well as yourself. I'm sorry you've had to go through something like this even once. What ended up happening with Gabriel?"
Flug paused to blow his nose again. Here was the big one. "We-We were doing this drill, you see, we were a-all of us camped out far away from the base. Julio ta-talked me into sneaking away, he said he had a s-surprise. He led us back to base, to this hangar with an old cargo p-plane..."
"The cargo plane you would then steal?"
"We, we just wanted to do something fun. Something fun and stupid. Something to take our minds off of Gabriel and his thugs. We-We didn't mean to hurt anyone. But..." He buried his face in the tissues, wiping away fresh tears and sobbing quietly.
Their time was up. Dr. León told him she was proud of him, she knew it hadn't been easy for him to speak about his past. He was proud of himself as well, but it was overshadowed by his exhaustion. Flug felt dead tired walking out of the room. He didn't like feeling tired. He didn't like feeling the need for something he couldn't physically do anymore. It felt like the universe kicking him in the head for old times sake. He wondered if amputees ever got annoyed by their phantom pains, like how dare they feel pain from a limb they don't even have anymore. What do they do to cope with it?
What did Julio do to cope with being paralyzed from the waist down?
Black Hat was waiting for him outside the building, ready to take him by the arm and take him home. Flug went along with it, thinking again about how to play it off if his parents ever saw him arm-in-arm with another man like this. Would Black Hat be willing to say this was completely platonic in his country? Hell, was it?
"Are you alright?" He asked.
"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"
"You seem...off. What did you talk about?"
"Julio."
Black Hat's head whipped towards him at an almost comical speed, which he tried to play off by slowly turning away and remarking. "He seems to be a popular topic these days."
"You're not jealous are you?"
"Me? Jealous?" Black Hat put one hand over his chest indignantly. "Of some boy from, what has it been now, three years?"
"Yeah." It was coming up on four actually.
"And you haven't seen or spoken to him since?"
"No I have not."
"Then what could I possibly be jealous of?" Black Hat opened the passenger side door for Flug and continued making off-hand comments as they drove. "Are you giving everyone else as boring a story as you did me?"
"What?"
"When I asked you about it, you skipped all the important parts! The impressive parts! You would think you would at least try and sell yourself a bit better to the man who will rule the world one day."
Flug rolled his eyes. "Would it make you feel better if I reminded you that I'm lying to everyone about what really happened? And you're the only person I've actually told the truth to?"
"Incomplete truth." Black Hat grumbled.
"Maybe. But it was the truth. No one else gets that from me."
Black Hat kept...was he pouting? "I would like to hear the full story one day. And I mean the full story."
Flug sighed. He did not enjoy going over these events again and again. Every time it was like picking at a wound that had finally scabbed over. All it accomplished in Flug's mind was ensuring that it would stay with him forever, a scar that would never fade.
But, this was Black Hat asking him here. He only wanted to hear about the murders after all, not what happened between Flug and Julio. Realistically the worst he'd do would be criticizing how amateur it had been. "Ok. One day."
Black Hat seemed satisfied with that promise and they rode the rest of the way in silence while the radio played something Flug mostly tuned out. His mind wandered off, going back to Julio. Black Hat was, annoyingly, right. Julio was popping up a lot lately. In class, in his counseling session, in his thoughts repeatedly. Him and their Valentine's Day years ago.
Looking back, he understood his actions a bit better. He was this shy kid who'd never gotten the chance to get close to anyone before, so of course once he found someone who promised him safety he jumped at the chance. Someone who understood what he was going through, someone he could talk to, someone he could...touch-
-He must've used all the napkins they had. Rocinante's face still felt full of sauce and grease. He tried scrubbing it off with his hands but all he really accomplished was spreading it around. Julio's face probably wasn't any better, not that he seemed to care. Jokingly and after a few seconds trying to find his face, he reached out and ran his index finger down Roci's cheek. He licked it and declared "Yep! You're saucy."
It took Rocinante a few seconds to sputter out a response. He didn't know whether to take that as a complement or a statement or a flirtation or what. "Wel-Wel-Well don't just sit there! Help me!" He tried his sleeves next, which went about the same.
Julio scooted over closer, pushing away the empty take-out containers so there was nothing between them anymore. He felt around, grabbing onto Rocinante's arm, making his way to his shoulder, until both hands were on him and they were face to face. Roci hardly had any time to question it before Julio very gently headbutted him.
"Ow! What-" Roci was cut off by Julio's lips coming into contact with his own. Julio pulled a centimeter away, playfully licking Roci's bottom lip with a chuckle (and causing his cheeks to heat up exponentially) before kissing his way all across his face. Once or thrice he darted his tongue out and gave him a quick lick.
"You taste like pork."
"Oh you're so romantic." Roci barely registered what was happening, he was surprised he could speak so coherently.
Julio chuckled, leaning over into Roci's ear and whispering "Que delicioso."
Ay Madre María how could he say things like that so easily? Roci attempted to return the favor and clean Julio's face with kisses. It was easier than trying to say something back. He could hardly believe this was happening, even with all his senses confirming it. The taste of sweet and sour sauce, the sound of their lips smacking, the feel of his tongue, Julio's scent. Under the food, there was another smell that Roci could not pinpoint besides that it belonged to Julio. Maybe it was sweat. Could even something like that seem good if it was the right person?
Roci moved his arms around to hold Julio properly. He reciprocated, inching even further into their shared heat. Oh God, how many years had he dreamed of this? How many times had he wished to have this even once in his life? One night, with one person, who was just like him. He'd wanted this for so long. His hands went down, down, farther and farther, beyond where either of them had ever touched before.
So far that Julio broke the kiss with a sharp gasp of air.
Rocinante froze, sure that he'd done wrong. He'd taken it one step too far. He'd been too hasty to put his hands all over his boyfriend. Just because it was Valentine's Day didn't mean they were going to do...that! What was wrong with him!? He moved his hands away and tried frantically to apologize. "I, um, I-I, I'm sorry, I-"
"No no, don't stop." Julio pulled Rocinante's hands back around him. "It feels nice."
"Ni-Nice?"
"Yeah, nice. Didn't expect you to be so frisky is all. Do it again, mi Roci." He interlocked their lips and came back into his arms. Julio was practically in his lap! Roci slowly traveled his hands down south again, almost wanting to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't having some sort of hyper-realistic dream.
Nice. He had to agree, it felt very nice to touch him like this. Roci's breathing hitched when Julio started to move his body along with the gentle, experimental touches. He kept going, moving his hands under Julio's clothes to his most private places, making Julio pant gently in his face. It was so new and yet it happened so naturally. So, so nice. Unlike anything else he'd ever done before.-
-Flug got out of Black Hat's car, said a quick goodbye and stepped onto the sidewalk as the man in the top hat sped off. Back to his usual driving habits of just barely staying within the speed limit in case of cops or something. Flug took the stairs to give himself more time to think.
Julio was like him, he understood his problems, Flug could share things with him he'd never been able to with anyone else. It was only fair he gave as much as he got, right? It wasn't as if he didn't want to. They both had...desires. It was just that Julio was better at acting on them. Flug's first reaction was to not act. Not until he was overwhelmed by his urges. Some things never change, do they?
He pretty much agreed to whatever Julio suggested. He'd never done anything with anybody, and he'd wanted to for quite a while. He liked Julio. He trusted Julio. He felt safe with Julio, in ways he hadn't felt since...he couldn't even remember. Flug was actually kind of glad Julio had snuck around with other boys before, at least one of them knew what they were doing.
He thought they were careful enough. He thought they were safe. He thought they could do dumb things like normal young adults, things everyone else got to do in their teens. He thought they finally got the chance to be stupid hormonal kids having their firsts. His first real crush, his first boyfriend, his first kiss, his first hickey, his first Valentine, his first blowjob, his first handjob, he thought Julio would be his first everything.
Flug reached his floor and stopped. He stood there for a few seconds debating himself until he made up his mind. He turned around, walked back down the stairs and out of the building to the bus stop and waited.
Over an hour of scouring the various stores of the mall and all he had to show for himself was a small bouquet of red roses. Which would've been fine, if he hadn't noticed much later after walking away from that particular vendor that one of the flowers was crushed. Its bright ruby redness was already crumbling away from the outer petals. He felt too awkward to go back and ask for another. They'd probably just say he'd done it when he grabbed them. It was his own fault for not noticing. He really should've noticed sooner. It was just like him to pick the ONE messed up bouquet. He briefly wondered what, if anything, Black Hat would give him. He surely would prepare something big and expensive, which would make Flug feel even worse about his last minute mall-flowers on the brink of death.
This was such a stupid idea. Did he really think a man like Black Hat, master murderer of extraordinary fashion sense, would want flowers of all things!? Why did he even care, it was just for the sake of appearances! He should just go home, stick with his original plan, and throw these away much like he had his money when he bought them. Did he even have a vase to put these miserable things in? The thought had not occurred to him until just now. The rest of the roses would probably die before Valentine's Day even came.
He dragged his feet towards the front exit, half-heartedly checking out the passing shops again. He took one last look at his sad little bouquet and the one rose that was already dying. Even for a fake-boyfriend, this was a pretty lame Valentine's present.
Flug turned on his heels and marched into the closest store he saw. It happened to be a chocolate shop. He didn't have high hopes, but he wouldn't leave until he found something nice.
He maneuvered around the other guys hunting for something worthy of a Valentine's surprise, scanning shelves of pink and white boxes. Assorted chocolates were a decent choice, weren't they? Maybe a little tray of chocolate truffles? He could take one of those. It was just for show. It didn't matter if Black Hat actually liked them or not. Flug could just grab whatever, so long as it looked nice-
Oh. Hey there. That box looked different. Flug put the pink box he'd grabbed aside and reached for the one behind it. It had been almost completely hidden from view. It was a bright red box with a brown ribbon tied around it, containing an assortment of dark chocolates. Flug never really liked dark chocolate, finding it too bitter for his tastes. The first bite was fine but then it got, well, bad. He scanned the labels madly to find out how much this would cost him.
Jesus, even for Valentine's Day this was overpriced.
Perfect.
Flug returned home with flowers and chocolates in tow, carefully handling the former so as not to damage them any further and putting the latter in the fridge so they didn't melt. He had to remove several rubber bands before he could take the plastic wrapping off and get a better look at the crushed rose. It really wasn't as bad as he'd thought, he picked a few discolored petals off and it was fine. Flug sighed, it was just like him to psyche himself out over nothing. He spent a while trimming off leaves and things with his wire clippers. They were the thickest scissors he owned and the closest he had to proper shears. They looked better like this, he thought. Neater.
Flug hunted around his apartment with the Hat-Botler but failed to find any sort of vase. He did however find a reusable water bottle of adequate size for his small bouquet. He cleaned it, filled it with water, and put the roses in. That should last them until the big day.
Not exactly jaw dropping, but not bad. Not bad at all.
Translations:
¡Mis pobrecitooooooooooooooooooos! = My poor little ones (Spanish)
rego do cu = asshole/ass gully (Portuguese)
Que delicioso = How delicious (Spanish)
Ay Madre María = Oh Mother Mary (Spanish)
Notes:
Very special thank you to my beta reader, without whom the last scenes of this chapter would not be half as good. Thank you all for reading, you may have seen on my tumblr fallinforauyfelldownfromthesky I was recovering from covid (for the second time). I'm happy to say I'm much better now and have two negative tests to show for it. Thank god I had sick time. Will do my best to post next months chapter in a timely fashion.