Chapter 5: A Date in Hell

oOo

Orihime was highly annoyed at this most recent development. She wouldn't just be named as the winner. A new couple, which was a mystery to her, would be entering the competition. How was that fair? She had earned it! The show's staff justified it by saying that she had nearly "won" far too early, and that they were contractually obligated blah blah. A minor inconvenience, surely. She would outlast whoever or whatever they dragged on.

The show, meanwhile, still needed to decide a location for this next and final episode. They wanted something fresh and different, and on short notice. As it turned out, another reality show was filming a special episode of their own, in Las Vegas: Hell's Kitchen.

Hell's Kitchen was a competiton held by Gordon Ramsay. Two teams of contestants, wearing red or blue, worked as chefs in a studio operating as a restaurant. This competition lasted across dinner services and various other challenges, with contestants being eliminated or quitting, until only one chef was left. This person would either run one of Gordon's restaurants for a year, or receive a lump sum of $250,000 if the former couldn't be done. This entire competiton would be sprinkled with Gordon's signature positive reinforcement, with only a minimum of embellishment and hyped-up drama.

And this particular night, two days after Orihime thought she would easily win, was a special episode on Hell's Kitchen. It was down to the final six contestants, with all wearing black jackets. They operated as one team. Diners weren't members of the general public, but instead were celebrities, charity foundations, or other privileged groups. The final two couples of Temptation Island would be among those brought on as guests. There wasn't enough room to also bring the seduction teams; the show would have to let these two couples duke it out, and declare one of them a winner in the end based on who still seemed more devoted. It would still be good for ratings.

Orihme decided to make the best of it when she and Ichigo arrived. "Well this is a fancy place, this whole gameshow's been alot of fun, no matter what", she said.

"Yep, we've seen alot of the world it seems, met alot of interesting people. I think I'll miss some of them", Ichigo replied. It was almost over, after all. And he could go back home and-

"YOU!", Orihime said, catching Ichigo off-guard. Someone caught her attention in a negative way.

She walked briskly to the object of her ire. "You! Well, why would I be surprised? You just couldn't handle that I was going to WIN, well, me and my Ichigo. And you had to bring your milfy ass over here, didn't you?"

It was Shirahime, ironically, the one who suggested the idea, now having arrived to oppose Orihime. She brought Aizen in tow, who was also still dealing with jet lag. "Yes Orihime, I'm here. I think that Aizen and I are just as capable of winning. Plus, Ichigo hasn't kissed you, has he? I saw those other couples, they didn't last because they NEVER were going to."

Orihime's apparent anger gave away to residual annoyance. "Is it ever enough for you? All the guys in our hometown want you, you can have any of them you want. Look, you brought Aizen here; many others would have been happy to. But I just want ONE. Why are you acting like that? You're so full of yourself. It's not enough to have your titles and kids, your admirers and everything. I even told you I didn't care about the money! Is that why you're here?"

"No, it's not about the money. You just act overbearing and don't know how to handle your emotions yet. We've all been there. And Ichigo's only human. If Ichigo isn't interested, then as a young woman you can meet plenty of others..."

Orihime's attention span wore thin. Shirahime's advice on how to handle her frustrations sounded like baseless discouragement. Why the hell was she here? Ah well, she wouldn't lose.

Peter Hardigan loved it; his cameras captured this catfight. He just sat back and watched the show. Gordon Ramsay's own cameramen also took in the display. They could play up this "conflict" for their own promo material. The two couples took their seats on opposite sides of the restaurant.

Aizen felt conflicted. "You know, I feel a little bad for her. Yeah she's immature, but does she really feel that way? I remember being her age."

"Well it's about damn time for her to grow up. I was hoping she'd see that the world is bigger than Karakura, and that she should express herself in a healthier manner."

"...and you thought Temptation Island would teach her to behave in a 'healther manner'?"

"It's about life experience. Which she is sorely lacking."

"What if they decide she's the winner?"

"Well I guess she gets the prize money. And maybe Ichigo can finally convince her to cool it. He hasn't kissed her or whatever. If he had, she'd have said so when I asked."

Meanwhile, Orihime vented her frustration. "What nerve she has! She only came here when I won, fair and square."

Ichigo replied, "It's kind of fun, it all depends on how you view it. I know you're kind of pissed at her, but she did suggest this."

"So?"

"It's still been a fun ride. And no matter what, we'll be taking that $250,000 with us. Even if they decide Shirahime is the winner, it's only fair that she would share it."

"You know, she *did* ask if you kissed me yet. This would be a great time for it", she said with a flirty smirk.

Ichigo tried to delay yet again. "I think we should at least wait until we're done with this-" he said while looking at the menu, distracted. She kissed him anyway. Ichigo's reaction wasn't what she had hoped. He looked as if he had just given mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a buzzard. "Heh, I'm not really in the mood to make out. I have a headache", he offered.

"I guess we should order. Lots of things look good, better than that crappy French place", Orihime concluded with a slight laugh, feeling disappointed.

Meanwhile, Hell's Kitchen was filming its own episode. Gordon Ramsay was briefing his finalists. "Alright, yeah! First black jacket service? And we have a special date night for two visiting couples. Do well tonight. If you screw this up, you'll wish you quit earlier! Are we ready?!"

They replied in unison, "Yes chef!"

"Good. Now don't make me have an aneurysm. Let's get the first ticket!" The cameras flitted around the kitchen while the dramatic music and sound effects kicked off. Tension rose along with Gordon's voice and blood pressure while pointing out the mistakes which were oddly still happening at this point. He caught these mistakes at the front counter before the dishes went out.

"You! All of you! Touch this!", he said as he brought some scallops back to the rear of the kitchen and set them down angrily.

"They're overcooked, chef", one of them timidly said.

" 'OVERCOOKED'?! It LOOKS and FEELS like a triceratops' fossilized labia!" He smashed them with his fist and threw the dish at the backwall where it shattered. "Get a grip!"

This banter wasn't very noticable yet, and the two couples ordered their dishes. While waiting, Aizen said to Shirahime, "You know, I know you're here for Orihime, but this is a pretty fun date night anyway. I've heard about this show."

"Maybe it is. It's been awhile since I've been on a real vacation. We are in Vegas, after tonight we can go gambling, shopping."

"For more shoes?", he jokingly asked.

"Bite me."

Their appetizers arrived, though Shirahime's risotto was stone cold. She had to send this back.

Ichigo and Orihime sat for awhile in silence, with Orihime finally speaking up. "It has been alot of fun. You're right about that. All our friends back home will be so jealous of what we've done. We can tell them all about it."

"Sure can. Did you like that college party? You can study somewhere like that. I'm not sure if I'll study abroad. It depends on what classes they have", he said, giving a back-handed suggestion that she continue to broaden her horizons and not tie herself to him. At least not until he was also ready for something like that.

"I don't know, there's time to think about it. I'm sure colleges near home are also good", she said, in an upbeat tone though with the sinking realization that even if they were dating, there was no guarantee it would last.

Their own food arrived, though Ichigo had to send back his scallops, which were undercooked this time.

These two rejections weren't received well. "ALL OF YOU! WHAT IS THIS?!", Gordon was somewhat displeased. "This risotto is STONE COLD! I oughtta shove it up one of your asses where it'll be warmer!" He dumped it in the trash. "And these scallops! Who cooked THESE?!"

One of the chefs spoke up. Gordon replied, "It's RAW! RAW you fucking donkey!" He threw this dish on the floor. "Do it again!" The music's tension was its highest yet, with the camera adding a "shaking effect" and loud crash sound effects when Gordon threw things.

This positive encouragement was heard by some in the dining area. Shirahime openly wondered, "Is he alright back there?"

"Oh sure he is. If he didn't hype it up, no one would watch", Aizen assured her.

Shortly after their main courses arrived, they heard the loudest outburst yet. "YOU MISERABLE BUCKET OF NARWHAL COCK! I'M GOING TO SHOVE YOU BACK UP AN ELEPHANT'S ASS WHERE YOU CAME FROM!" One of the contestants came flying over the front counter, with Gordon running around and continuing his barrage. "GET OUT! GET OUT! HEY, YOU!" He caught the chef's attention. "GET OUT!" He followed him off the "restaurant floor" part of the studio and out of range of the cameras.

Shirahime was stunned by this display, and kept an eye on things out of morbid curiosity. However, she saw the unexpected. Once Gordon and this chef rounded a corner, they appered to... share a laugh? And shake hands? Unbeknownst to Shirahime (and everyone else) this particular contestant had already been disqualified for medical reasons. However, this type of elimination wouldn't do much for ratings. So they put this display together and had fun with it. The contestant would also give his post-elimination interview, which would be spliced into this footage.

"Heh, told you", Aizen said.

Ichigo came over to them, and informed them of the kissing incident, as well as his reaction. Shirahime held mild revulsion. "We all know what would happen if she were a guy and you were the girl here. 'He' could be arrested for that. Glad for you to stand your ground though."

"We've all been like that. Not much of an excuse, I know."

Orihime came over to join them. She was still indignant at Shirahime's presence. Peter Hardigan was watching this meeting, expecting another fight to break out. There was no such luck, unfortunately. His editing team would have to improvise by adding tense music to the footage of Orihime walking over, with a voice-over implying something was going to happen. Eh, good enough.

"Hey Ichigo, I was wondering where you went. I guess we're just hanging out, with our friends making a surprise visit", she said with some sarcasm.

"Yep, I'm glad to see them. It feels like we've been away from home longer than we really have", Ichigo said.

Shirahime brought up the elephant in the living room. "You kissed Ichigo. I don't think he was into it."

Orihime was embarrased. She offered a justification. "It is a romantic setting-"

"DAMN DONUT! RE-HEAT THE WELLINGTON, ASSHOLE!", a charming voice bellowed from the kitchen.

Orihime continued, "and we're only here once."

Aizen offered his thoughts. "Yeah, it may be awkward now, but years from now this will be the FUNNIEST thing. I remember when I had crushes on girls back when I was a teen."

This seemed to make things easier. They were able to talk about other things. This conversation was quite civil, and didn't yield usable material.

Dinner service came to a close and the Hell's Kitchen team wrapped up with plans to edit in more swearing, crashing and sound effects later. Meanwhile, Temptation Island had to decide a winner. Neither couple had broken up.

Peter Hardigan had an idea: the footage captured Orihime's kiss, and the other couple didn't have such a public show of affection. So he and his team put together a post-show narration implying that Shirahime and Aizen had grown cold and distant by their body language, including desaturated filters. On the other hand, the kiss between Orihime and Ichigo would be put in slow-motion and have amplified "smooching" sound effects.

This decision was shared with the couples when they left the Hell's Kitchen studio for the hotel, before catching a flight home. Orihime was relieved to finally win. "We did it! Not that I'm surprised. Did you hear that Ichigo, we actually won it."

"I"m just eager to get back home. I'm glad we did it."

"Well it had to be one of us", Aizen said.

So this was it; the competition was over. Shirahime was pensive; the other couple had won, but Ichigo hadn't bent to Orihime's efforts. There was a chance she would be less overbearing as a result, but she couldn't be certain. She rolled her eyes, dreading what Orihime's behavior would be like back home. *Maybe* this first kiss could be chalked up to naivety, but that was stretching it. She and Aizen would see how it turned out.