a/n: hi pals! apologies for the delay in posting this chapter. i recently started a new job so i've been busy adjusting to a different schedule. hoping to get back to updating at least once a week soon :)

Kate Beckett was never one to look on the bright side of life, but if there was a bright side to the devastating loss of a wanted pregnancy, for her it was Ruby. As much as they made-do with the FaceTime calls, they very much appreciated being able to see each other in person again. That was especially true because a few days after the miscarriage, Ruby's oncologist came to them with a less-than-ideal prognosis update. Ruby's cancer wasn't responding enough to the targeted radiation treatment, so before the possibility of surgery to remove the tumors, she needed to undergo a round of chemotherapy.

The girl was resistant to the idea at first, rightfully so. Having gone through chemo before, she knew exactly what was in store for her, how sick she would get, and how it would get much worse before she got better.

"Mom, I really, really don't want to do chemo again," Ruby sighs after the doctor leaves the room. Kate's sitting down in the chair next to her bed, Rick standing next to her with a hand on his wife's shoulder.

"I know, kiddo, but..." Rick starts, but Kate quickly shoots him a look before she cuts him off.

"Could I talk to you for a second?" Kate asks, gesturing to the hallway. They excuse themselves awkwardly because they now realize this should have definitely been a "before we get to the hospital" conversation. Alas, they embrace the awkward and Ruby accepts that they're talking about her very covertly.

"I don't think we should make her do something she doesn't want to do," Kate states bluntly. "Like, of course no one wants to do chemo, but she knows exactly what it's like and what the alternative is."

"I mean, I agree that she should be able to decide to a degree, but what exactly is the "alternative" here?" Rick asks.

"Well, she knows that without the chemo, her cancer will likely spread," Kate says. "I know that she's still a kid, but she knows that without chemo, she could...die. But she also knows that could happen even with the chemo."

"So how do you think we should handle this?" Rick asks.

"I think we talk her through the options, where we stand on them, and let her decide," Kate says.

"Okay," Rick nods. "We should have probably talked about this before we got here, though."

"Yes, well, I suppose we lose a few parenting points today," Kate chuckles. They walk back in the room and talk things over with Ruby.

"Doctor Varner seemed so confident that the targeted radiation was going to work, and now he seems so confident that the chemo is going to work, but I don't think I want to go through it knowing that it could all be for nothing," Ruby pleads her case.

"We totally understand that. We wish we could guarantee that chemo will work," Kate says. "So that's why we want to make a decision with you."

"So you're not mad that I don't want to do chemo?" Ruby asks.

"No, we're not mad," Kate says.

"But we do want you to be open to it in the future if other options don't work out," Rick adds.

"I am," Ruby says. "I just want to try other things first. I do also want to go home, though."

"We want you home, too, Rubes," Kate smiles.

"What about that immunotherapy he talked about?" Ruby asks broadly.

"He did seem to think that would work best after some chemotherapy, but I don't see why we couldn't try that first," Rick says. "And you wouldn't need to stay in the hospital long even when you're getting the infusions."

"I'd like that because then I could still see my friends here but I could be at home with you guys," Ruby says.

"What friends?" Rick asks.

"My book club friends, and Daisy, if she's still here," Ruby says.

"Why is this the first time I'm hearing about a book club?" Rick asks with curiosity.

"Because I couldn't see them when I started the radiation therapy," Ruby says. "I mostly just texted with them these last couple weeks. And before that it wasn't really a "club", I suppose."

"So it's not a club?"

"Well, it is," Ruby attempts to explain. "It's just a few of us. And Daisy I would help teach her how to read in the library."

"Did you know about this?" Rick turns to Kate, baffled that he hadn't heard about it before.

"I knew she messaged a few friends, but I didn't know it was a club."

"It's really only like three other people," Ruby says.

"Also, there's a library in this place?" Rick asks. "I've been here every day for a month and didn't know there was a library?"

"It's down the hall to the left," Ruby points. "It's the opposite way from the stairs and the elevator, so."

"Wow, I am...shocked?" Rick asks, sort of. "And who is Daisy?"

"She's an eight year old who stays down the hall. We both were doing radiation therapy so we could see each other every once and while. I went to see her when you guys weren't here," Ruby says. "She's had cancer since she was really young so she hasn't gone to school before. She doesn't really know how to read, so we read together when I see her."

"You know about that?" Rick asks Kate again.

She did. She and Ruby talked about Daisy often during their FaceTime calls, but Kate now realizes she never told her husband that she consented to Ruby being able to see other patients.

"I did, and I'm just now realizing that I never told you that I signed forms allowing her to see other kids when it was safe," Kate says, sheepishly. "I'm really sorry."

"No, it's...it's okay, I just can't believe I never knew this," Rick shrugs sadly. "I could have visited the book club members."

"They don't know who you are," Ruby says with an eye roll.

"Ow," Rick gasps. "I am an award-winning author, you know?"

"Just stating a fact," Ruby replies.

"Okay, let's get back on track, here," Kate intervenes.

"Right," Rick says. "How could you guys not tell me about this book club thing!?"

"Not what she meant," Ruby rolls her eyes.

"So, you want to give the immunotherapy a try?" Kate asks Ruby to confirm.

"Yes. No chemo, at least not yet," she says.

"That's fair," Rick accepts.

"There's something else that I wanted to ask about..."

"What is it, Rubes?" Kate asks with concern.

"It's nothing bad," Ruby starts. "I was just thinking about how we never really got to have the vacation we were hoping for. You know, since I started puking blood everywhere?"

"You are truly so eloquent," Rick chuckles.

"Well, I was wondering if it would be possible...could we go on another trip?" Ruby asks.

"To the Hamptons?" Kate asks. "I think we can definitely do that."

"Well, the Hamptons are nice, but, I'm just thinking about all the pictures Grandpa Jim showed me from his trip," Ruby says.

"You want to go to Ireland?" Rick puts two and two together.

"I understand if we can't, but I've just never gone anywhere so beautiful," Ruby adds.

"You know it rains there a lot, right? Like a lot, a lot," Rick asks.

"I'd want to talk to Doctor Varner about this first," Kate says. "But, I'm not saying no."

"You're not?" Rick says before realizing that was out loud. "We're not?" he whispers to her.

"Let's talk to the Doctor," Kate says again. She feels her husband's eyes shoot lasers through her skull, but when Ruby's face lights up, she just knew that come hell or high water, they were going to Ireland.

"So, we haven't been that out of sync in long time," Rick says after turning on the ignition of his car.

"What do you mean?" Kate asks as she puts on her seat belt.

"Ruby's treatment? Ireland? The BOOK CLUB!?" Rick says, a little annoyed.

"Oh, c'mon, you're not actually upset about the book club, are you?" Kate asks.

"No, but I am upset that you seem to be making unilateral decisions about our kid," Rick scoffs. "And actually, maybe I am a little upset about the book club."

"Okay, hold on!" Kate exclaims. "Unilateral decisions!? About taking our daughter on a vacation?"

"I'm just not sure it's a good idea to take her on a trip like that just because she asks," Rick huffs.

"What? You really think if we take Ruby on this trip, we're going to spoil her or something?" Kate shakes her head in disbelief.

"I don't want to get her hopes up!" Rick yells back. "And I don't get why we didn't talk about this in private before promising this to her."

"I didn't promise," Kate scoffs. "But why is it so wrong to do this for her if we can? She's never been out of the country, and she...she might not get another chance."

"Kate, I realize that, I just don't like that I apparently don't matter anymore," Rick bites back.

"Oh my god, grow the fuck up!" Kate snaps. "God forbid I put our sick daughter ahead of your inflated ego!"

"My inflated ego?" Rick repeats. "Because I want to be involved in family decisions?"

"Oh, that is so not what this is about," Kate rolls her eyes.

"No? What's it about?"

"Just, drop it. It doesn't matter," Kate sighs.

"Oh, no, no. We are talking about this," Rick insists.

"Fine," Kate bites her lip. "You are jealous. Jealous that Ruby shares things with me that she doesn't with you. Which is ridiculous because she adores you. And you are jealous that you're not the same silly, spontaneous, dad that you were when you were younger."

"Alexis has nothing to do with this," Rick scoffs.

"Did I say anything about Alexis?" Kate asks. "No, this is all about Richard Castle. It always has to be about Richard Castle."

"Wow, Kate, that's low," Rick laughs.

"Well, you know what? There are things that I am sorry about, but not that, because you are being a huge baby right now," Kate rolls her eyes. "I'm just trying to navigate this fucked up situation, same as you. It's hard enough as it is, I don't need you making things worse."

"Look, Kate, that's not...what I'm trying to do," Rick sighs. "I just feel distant from you. I've been feeling distant from you for the last couple weeks...since the...since the miscarriage. And then to find out that there were things that you kept from me, unintentionally, of course, that you would have usually told me about. It hurts."

"I am sorry that I hurt you. I truly didn't even realize that we hadn't talked about Ruby's friend," Kate says. "But why are you being so weird about Ireland?"

"I don't know," Rick admits. "I know she's not made of glass, but I'm just always worried I'll do the wrong thing and Ruby will get hurt. I mean, of course I worried about that with Alexis, too, but this is different."

"Yeah," Kate sighs. "But the Ring of Kerry isn't gonna kill her."

Rick hesitates before responding to that. She was right, probably. But the fact that was just a "probably" was scary as hell.

"I do think she'll really love it, as long as the doctor says it's okay," Rick finally settles on.

"She will love it," Kate agrees. "It is scary, but Ruby isn't dying, babe. You just can't overthink it or you'll go crazy."

"I know, Kate," Rick sighs. "But I can't help but imagine the worst case scenario. That seems to be where we've been operating lately. Just feels like a bad sign that she's not responding much to the radiation therapy. I mean, Ruby could be dying, we don't know."

"You don't think I realize that?" Kate snaps. "I'm telling you, Ruby cannot die. I will never recover if we lose her."

Rick glances over at the passenger seat and notices the tears forming in his wife's eyes.

"Just, drive, please," Kate sniffs.

The rest of the short drive home was silent.