Chapter 15

"Well, there are none yet," Logan said, the 'yet' resonating in Rory's ears as if it held more weight than any other part of that sentence.

"Well, there are on my end, or, well, there is," Rory said, blabbering in her own way. She got up, unable to sit still any longer.

The warm air was drying their skins quickly, and all of a sudden being out of the water was not just more serious but also leaving them more vulnerable and naked to their truth. Rory's arms went around her waist, crossing them in front of her, as if she needed some protection from that truth now.

"I know. But it sure sounds like whatever it was that you had with this Jess… it wasn't worth that much to you," Logan replied, making some intentional effort to not sound frightening to her. He knew suggesting something like that could also backfire badly, but he felt he could take a chance, trusting his gut.

"What exactly are you saying?!" Rory asked, raising her voice. She frowned her forehead.

Logan groaned, finding the way Rory, an intelligent, witty and no-doubt gorgeous woman, seemed to sometimes just not get it as utterly infuriating. Still.

"It sounds like you're telling me this thing that's supposed to be a major life decision - having kids - is something that's down to something that I, someone who you haven't seen in seven years, has a say in!? You realize that sounds insane, right!?" Rory exclaimed in response, using specifically his own words from earlier in part, realizing the full depth of what she said as she said it.

It was a major step forward, their talk about being just friends and simply catching up having very abruptly transformed into something very different.

"Are you really that oblivious, Rory!?" Logan replied, raising his voice. He was mad, and frankly he had even some right to be mad, despite things not being black and white.

"What?!" Rory replied, mostly just getting agitated at the way that she was being spoken to. "Are you having a heat stroke or something?!" she added.

"Maybe I am, well - so what? I say, it's about damn time!" Logan yelled, not sounding entirely rational. His face had turned red, and the veins on his neck and arms were bulging. There hadn't been many occasions in her life when Rory had seen him like this.

Suddenly their yelling, and Rory's next line - something along the lines of why he'd never said anything until now, whilst fighting her tears, was interrupted by very loud music coming from the pool-area's speakers, blasting Adele's 'Someone Like You' in a volume so loud they could no longer get a word out and were drawn to look around for its cause.

"Apologies, my Bluetooth was hooked up from last night!" came a pretend-apologetic shout from the porch up at the house, where they could see Finn, with his phone in his hands, Gigi by his side.

The two stared up at him as if he'd done something scandalous. But it worked. It had stopped the yelling. The color on Logan's face calmed, and Rory had a chance to actually take a deep breath.

Finn turned the music down a little, moving away from the edge of the porch, pretending to not manage to shut it down completely until almost a minute later, leaving Rory and Logan looking at each other awkwardly. The lyrics of the song didn't even matter, but it was powerful enough in itself. Clearly there were still things, feelings, there, a vast plethora of feelings and not just the good.

"I could kill him," Logan mumbled, being pissed at his buddy, having lost his momentum and train of thought to get it all out there. But there was also an added feeling of embarrassment, for having not realized how loud they'd gotten. In his age he liked to think he was more mature than that to not be yelling like this to his ex girlfriend whom he was supposed to be above all friends with.

"Please don't," Rory said. "My sister's awfully fond of him," she added, finding the whole thing to be typical 'Finn' and hilarious as a result. That lightened the mood considerably. But Rory wasn't sure he'd take her humor well.

"Yeah, me too, actually," Logan admitted, raising the corner of his mouth.

Rory stood there awkwardly, having crossed her legs, and kept looking at the ground and Logan, as if looking at him for too long would somehow cause pain.

"I'm not going to chase you, Rory. I'm not going to beg you or make grand gestures - I know they don't work. And I have too much self-respect to put myself through it again. Maybe I am just making excuses here. I am in no position to ask you for anything, I know… But I'm not going to lie or hide the fact that you've always been it for me," Logan said, realizing as he'd said it that it was pretty close to begging or a grand gesture despite his determination.

"You don't even know who I am anymore," Rory said, in a weak tone, revealing a hint of the self-doubt she dealt with. The self-doubt she'd always dealt with regarding her love life.

"It hasn't mattered before, why would it now?" Logan exhaled, defeatedly. He loved her person, her flawed, imperfect and changing person. "But like I said… I'm done...," he sighed. He just didn't have the strength in him to hope or to fight for this if she didn't.

"I thought you just wanted us to be friends," Rory replied, still unable to form a coherent thought about what Logan wanted out of her. She didn't dare to hope for anything concrete as that had never really felt like an option for her.

"Yeah, friends…, sure," Logan replied with a weak chortle, finding the suggestion now almost humorous. "Anyways, I'm going to need a shower… and a drink," he added, taking his towel and heading back into the pool house, aiming to leave Rory out there with her thoughts.

She felt embarrassed, ashamed even for having not been able to think straight in the moment. But then, Rory began to fume herself. What was he saying - declaring he was 'done' when it was her who'd made the initial request.

"Hey, Logan, wait!" Rory shouted after him as he was about to enter the house.

"What?" Logan asked, sounding grumpy, and turned around.

"Hey, in case you forget, it was me asking you to tell Odette about having seen me. So, why doesn't that count for anything!? I want an ounce of validation. Unlike I had last time," Rory exclaimed, her voice breaking a little on the latter. She hadn't realized how much that had hurt her, thinking back.

"Yeah, while you yourself had no intention of telling Jess about me. You're not so innocent yourself," Logan said, knowing that was a little mean of him. But that was the truth. All he'd had was open relationships, Rory - not just.

"I said it so I wouldn't feel like I was hidden away at the fucking Savoy," Rory replied, angrily, Logan's suggestion that one time over the phone still having stayed with her.

"Why do you think I offered you the house in Maine, Rory!?" Logan yelled, his voice getting louder once again.

"As I recall - you said something about 'no strings attached'?" Rory said, slightly mockingly.

"Yeah, and I meant it. I can keep my dick in my pants, you know! All I wanted was to have you in my life. Even if that was in the form of your grocery bill," Logan replied. "But all you wanted was 'Vegas'!" he added, that having stung most of all for him, being treated as a plaything with a thick wallet. Sure, there had been comfort and trust there too, he knew from experience how even intimate fun was not so easily achieved with just anyone, but on the surface Rory had always insisted it was just 'fun' that she'd wanted from him.

Suddenly they noticed Finn having once again put on some music, clearly, they'd gotten a little too loud and maybe in Logan's case a little too graphic, too. But this time the music was pretty nondescript and on the quieter side, mostly meant to blend in with their voices.

"'Vegas' was all I felt I had the right to ask for…," Rory exclaimed, desparately, beginning to sniffle a little.

That caught Logan off guard, having not anticipated something so deep.

Rory inhaled and blew out a deep lungful of air, needing to calm herself. She didn't want to become a sobbing mess - not out here, not right now.

"But that's something you need to figure out - whether you want to ask for anything at all. Or did you really mean it that you want to try to be friends. I won't just be revenge… despite what I might've suggested you tell Jess," Logan exhaled.

"I wouldn't do that…," Rory replied, feeling exhausted from this conversation. All these emotions were tiring.

"Yeah," Logan sighed with some doubt in his tone, feeling drained of words just the same.

Rory felt she knew the answer to what he was asking, but the truth was - there was a lot of think over. Putting one's heart on the line, and doing that to him - possibly hurting him again - just the same, couldn't be a snap decision. In her case the decision involved also her family, most importantly her daughter. There was always risk that things wouldn't work, even if the love felt worth it. There was also the distance, one that would become topical once they returned to their lives. And sometimes love was just hurt, and in their case, there had certainly been plenty of the latter mixed in with the first.

"Let's just sleep on things. I'm not going anywhere until the wedding. We'll talk," Logan said, calmly, not wanting to leave Rory upset. But he too needed time.

"Yeah - we'll talk," Rory reflected, and wrapped the towel around her, feeling a little woozy after all of this.