Desc: In order to get rid of her unsoldiery thoughts, Deryn decides to confess to Alek while he's asleep. But as words come out of her mouth and the emotions start to flow freely, she might not be as in control as she thought…

Deryn wondered which was harder: Battling Clankers, or walking into Alek's room.

Sure, battling Clanekrs top-side was life and death. But atleast she knew what she had to do, and fighting was a simple affair. Release the flechette bats as fast as you can, pull the ropes as hard as you can, run to and fro with all your might. But right now, standing in the dark in front of Alek's door, she had to be subtle. Open the door, creep in, kneel infront of Alek, then the real battle starts. She might not have been in mortal danger, but barking spiders, did she feel it.

She sighed as she took off her airman goggles. She had spent the past hours working topside, since the close call with the German lightning cannon the Leviathan was antsy. Mental stress itself could damage the Leviathan, and it was tearing at the seams. It was good, getting her mind on work and off Alek. But when she heard that Alek was shot, she couldn't stop thinking of him. It only got worse when she went to see him in the afternoon, all poor and bandaged laying there like that. She wanted to stay with him longer, give him some comfort and company as he slowly healed. Deryn was sure Alek would do the same for her.

She also wanted to hold his hand, maybe even hug him in that state. Though Deryn had to admit it wouldn't exclusively be for Alek's benefit. The worst part about it is that Deryn didn't know if Alek would do that for her as well. Clart, she wanted so bad for it to be so…

Deryn bti her lip and shook her head. Back to the task at hand, she thought to herself. Deryn put her hand on the handle and slowly opened. Clart, it was so loud. Blast these heavy duty doors!

She crept in, careful to explore the floors for creaky spots with her booted tip-toes. She closed the door with infinite caution. Inside was near-pitch black, the only light came in from the stars outside the window. Even then, it was enough to see Alek's form on the bed. Illuminated by dim light. Wrinkled sheets came up only to his chest, a bit of the bandage stuck out. Alek himself was sweating, his hair was messy and he was glistening. Despite this, he looked so peaceful. So still.

Deryn crept towards him and knelt down, getting close enough that she could smell the antiseptic of Dr. Barlow's medical practice. So peaceful, so… defenseless. She took Alek's hand, which was hanging outside the blanket.

"Hey Alek, it's me, Dylan." Deryn sighed, all her anxiety suddenly melting away as she caressed Alek's hand.

His chest rose and fell, breathing with the sweet embrace of sleep. Deryn smiled. "You look like this old story in England. Sleeping Beauty." Her face scrunched at the fact that she was reminiscing about such a soft memory. "This is barking stupid. What am I, a girl?"

The biological hum of the Leviathan seemed like a droning lullaby. It was rare to hear the ship this quiet. It made Deryn's world seem all the smaller, like the world had shrunk to nothing but that room.

"Clart, i'll just get it over with." She gripped his hand harder. "Alek, Alek… I-" She caught herself. There wasn't any danger of Alek actually hearing her, Deryn was just used to stopping herself from saying things like this. And now, to say it all so suddenly? No, it had to be more… romantic.

"Alek, do you remember back on the ice sheet, when we first met?" Deryn closed her eyes, reminiscing well. "Wasn't the warmest greeting, what with the weather and the knife to your throat and all."

"But we got over that pretty quick. Heck, you told me your first secret before anyone else on this airship. And we hugged. That hug, that was…" Deryn tried to find the right words. Ever since she joined His Majesty's Air Force she had almost, almost, regretted being so stubbornly against girly embraces at home. Sure, she had plenty of physical contact from wrestling and punching the other boys. But that was roughhousing, and even touches of affection such as pats on the back had the unsaid competition of strength and superiority boys inlaid in everything. Alek's hug in that walker was the most genuine, emotional, loving thing she had felt in months. She didn't even realize how much she needed it before it happened. But she did realize how much she needed it now.

Deryn used her free hand to rub Alek's. Both hands were on him now. "I don't know if I want you to stay asleep or wake up."

Alek breathed softly and lightly. Not a care in the world, just unconscious and letting his own body heal.

She had to try a new approach. "I'm here to tell you something Alek. Something that really shouldn't be said, but its been eating me up like a worm to a dead bird." She nodded her head no at herself. "It's something that, if you knew, our whole friendship would be over. Or really awkward, at the least." The shadow of a hunter hawk blew past the window, like a sort of blink of the moon. "And it's gonna be that way if i tell you because you're a prince and I'm a commoner." She shook her head. "And even if we were equals, you wouldn't want this. I'm a nutter."

"I mean, really, who would want some insane airman to be by their side? I shouldn't have joined, if people knew my secret I would just be kicked out, I'd be a disgrace to the crew. A disgrace to the Leviathan. A disgrace to Britain." These were the doubts she had of herself, and while she knew they were wrong, it still felt good to say them out loud. She looked out the window and up at the skies, like Britain was some deity out there watching over them. Then she looked back down at Alek. "I've read stories." She said, "Romance stories about love. About how love feels, what it looks like. I didn't like them very much, what with me being forced to read them by my aunts, but I did like one thing about them." She leaned in, for what she was divulging was more than she had ever done before. "I liked the friendship. I liked how they each supported each other. I liked how the man could come home after a long day of work and face his wife, still disheveled and unseemliness laid bare, and they could rattle about their day and their wife would listen to them with love and intent. I… I want that, Alek." She put a hand on his shoulder. It was cold with sweat. "I want it to be with you"

"Because barking spiders, I'm near bursting with all the work I'm putting in! I'm not talking about soldier work, I'm talking about keeping my secret. Around the crew, around the captains, worst of all around you. I don't want to lie to you, Alek." She leaned in further, their faces close. "I want to rest with you, put my head on your chest or your shoulder, and tell you everything. And I want you to listen. With intent. With love."

Saying all like this felt liberating, like her heart was finally getting enough room to beat. "Clart, what I'm saying is, I like you Alek." She smiled, in spite of herself. "As more than just a friend. Like a barking girl at the village dance" She laughed, though it was a silent laugh as she was so close to him. "I always hated those dances. Was one of the reasons I left scotland. But remembering that, and looking at you…" She could feel his quiet sleepy breath on her. Surely, her breath was on him as well. "I wouldn't mind "

A thought occurred to her. A quick, innocent thought. She went forward, then back, second guessing herself, then she went for it.

She kissed him on the cheek. His skin was cold and wet, but Deryn began warming up with the embarrassment of it. Alek seemed to blush.

"Does that mean you liked it? Clart, I hope it does." Deryn was having mixed feelings on what she just did, and was putting herself in Alek's shoes. She certainly didn't want to be kissed in her sleep, even if it was a peck on the cheek. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I… I shouldn't have come here." She stood up, a hand still on his. She savored the feeling, rubbing her thumb on the top of his hand, before she gingerly set it down next to him. She went over to the door, prying ehr eyes away from Alek as she turned around.

She opened the door and stepped through. She looked back before she closed it. "I love you, and I'm sorry for it." She closed the door, the hulking metal clang giving a sense of finality to the whole experience.

When all was quiet again, Alek slowly opened his eyes and looked towards the door. He rubbed the hot blushing skin where Deryn had kissed him with his fingertips. And he whispered, so quiet he himself nearly couldn't hear it, "Dylan? Dylan…"