May 1921
It had been several months since Elizabeth had broken up with Lucas and she needed a change. She had deepened her friendship with Nathan and spent more time with Little Jack, but still she heard the whispers and saw the looks people gave her, every time she walked past the saloon. She knew that people were still whispering about the way that things ended with Lucas and even though she had tried to set people straight, they had their own idea. The gossips were also talking about the time that she spent with Nathan, even though there had been no announcement of a courtship or anything.
Lucas had been back to Hope Valley twice since he won the governorship and while she had been polite and cordial, she wasn't overly friendly. She had started to reestablish firm boundaries and wasn't going to be bullied again. She knew what she wanted and was working toward that. She knew she had to heal herself before she could offer more than friendship to anyone, much less the man she knew she loved so very deeply. She knew that she loved Nathan and was pretty sure that he still felt the same way. She also knew that he was being cautious because of her past behavior. She didn't blame him, there were still times that fear gripped her heart and she wanted nothing more than to run and hide, but she was working hard to overcome that. She knew that was what Jack would have wanted for her and their son. She also knew that Little Jack deserved a father like Nathan. In so many ways, Nathan was already a father to Little Jack, given how much time that they spent together. Which was another thing that got the gossips going. She couldn't help that her son preferred 'his Mountie Nathan' to every other man in town. Lee had been busier than ever since the birth of Goldie and Bill had been gone more than he had been around in the last several months.
Wanting to make a change to show she was a different person, she had Rosemary shorten several of her skirts, but hadn't been confident enough to wear them as of yet. She did finger them in the closet every morning hoping she was brave enough that day. Still she wore the same thing everyday, the same she had worn for years since coming to teach out west. She wished she was bold like Fiona and didn't care what others thought about her. She knew that shorter skirts were all the rage, especially since Julie had sent a photograph from the paper of her in a dress that came to just below the knee. It had been from a New Year's celebration and Elizabeth wondered what her parents thought of the photo, but Julie had said they didn't say anything and even Aunt Agatha had worn a shorter skirt, showing her ankles.
Elizabeth desperately wanted a change, but wasn't sure what she could do that would be a big enough change for her, then one evening after putting Little Jack down, she was looking through some of the articles Julie had sent her from the newspaper about one thing or another. She flipped the article in her hand over, looking for the last paragraph when she saw it. The idea immediately appealed to her and the more she stared at the news clipping in hand the more determined she became.
The next morning as she headed to town, she saw Fiona and liked the young woman's shorter hair, even if she had let it grow out a bit, it was still shorter than most of the other women. She immediately was more determined to do what she decided. She walked up to Fiona and once she was done speaking to Mike, asked to talk. Mike left, saying he would talk to her later. Fiona then turned her attention to Elizabeth.
"I was wondering if I could ask you a favor?" Elizabeth asked.
"I can try." Fiona said.
"If I can get someone to watch Jack." Elizabeth said. "I was wondering if you had a hair appointment for this afternoon."
"I have a meeting with Mike at 3 that should take about an hour." Fiona said. "But completely open after that. Faith, Mei and I were planning on a later supper since Faith went to Rock Creek for the day."
"So about 4:15 then?" Elizabeth said.
"Sounds good." Fiona said.
"If that changes." Elizabeth said. "I will let you know."
Fiona carried on with what she had been doing and Elizabeth made her way to the mercantile to get the few items that she had needed. She had told Rosemary that she wouldn't be long and was trying to be better about respecting others' time, so she hurried to gather the items that she needed. That was where she saw Allie and Angela.
"Morning girls." Elizabeth said.
"Morning Mrs Thornton." The girls replied.
"What are you up to today?" Elizabeth asked.
"Dad had to go to Rock and Eagle Creek." Allie said. "He left with Dr Faith early this morning and said he wouldn't be back until closer to supper time. So Angela and I are getting some new hooks so we can go fishing."
"That sounds like fun." Elizabeth said. "Allie, do you think that you would be able to watch Little Jack for me at four this afternoon. It won't take long, I have something that I need to do."
"Sure." Allie said. "I will leave a note at home for Dad, in case he comes back. Want me to just come to the house."
"That sounds good." Elizabeth said. "You can bring Scout if he is at home. Little Jack loves playing with him."
"Okay." Allie said. "I know he is supposed to be a Mountie dog, but he refused to go with Dad this morning since the sun wasn't up yet."
Angela and Elizabeth laughed.
"I don't blame him." Angela said. "That sounds too early to be up."
"I would have to agree." Elizabeth said. "But there have been many mornings that Little Jack likes to get up that early."
Elizabeth the girls and got her stuff. She got home and Rosemary thanked her for not taking long. Elizabeth was getting excited, but she was also nervous. She loved the idea and hoped it would look good. She trusted Fiona, but she was still concerned. Things didn't seem to change as quickly out on the frontier as they did in the big city.
Finally it was time and Allie showed up with Scout. Elizabeth promised to be back as quickly as possible, but it would probably be at least an hour. Jack was excited to play out in the field with Scout and Allie. Elizabeth smiled as the boy immediately started chasing after Scout and then the dog would lick him, eliciting a fit of giggles.
"I got him, Mrs Thornton." Allie said. "You don't want to be late for whatever it is you are going to do."
"Thank you Allie." Elizabeth said.
Elizabeth left with the newspaper clipping safely tucked in her basket. When Elizabeth got to town, there didn't seem to be many people around and she was thankful for that. She hurried to the barber shop and walked in. Fiona greeted her with a smile.
"So what can I do for you?" Fiona asked.
"I would like you to cut my hair." Elizabeth said.
"What did you have in mind?" Fiona asked.
"This." Elizabeth said, handing the clipping to Fiona.
Fiona looked at the clipping and then looked at Elizabeth. She smiled and motioned for Elizabeth to take a seat.
"Before I start." Fiona said. "I have to ask, are you sure? This is a huge change."
"I am sure." Elizabeth said. "I need a change. I have been stuck in the past in more ways than one and I need something different. If my sister can do it, so can I."
"Okay." Fiona said. "I had to ask. Personally, I think this will look good on you. It will be a lot easier to care for and cooler in the warmer temperatures."
Elizabeth and Fiona chatted about a few things as Fiona cut and styled Elizabeth's hair. Fiona purposely kept Elizabeth's back to the large mirror because she didn't want her to see it until she was done. When she was done, she turned Elizabeth around and waited for her reaction. Elizabeth didn't have the reaction that Fiona hopped. Elizabeth sat there silently, fingering her shorter locks. The look on her face was unreadable.
"It looks amazing." Fiona said.
Elizabeth just nodded. She quickly paid Fiona and fled the barber shop. As Elizabeth hurried from the shop, she ran straight into Nathan's solid chest. He wrapped an arm around her to keep her from falling, but she just pushed him away and ran off, leaving her basket sitting in the shop.
"What happened?" Nathan asked, as he stepped into the shop to see a stunned Fiona.
"Elizabeth asked me to cut her hair." Fiona said. "I did what she asked. I even checked if she really wanted it and she said she did. When I showed her, she didn't say anything, just paid and ran out where she collided with you. She even left her basket."
"I will take it to her." Nathan said.
"I hope she isn't angry with me." Fiona fretted.
"I am sure she isn't." Nathan said. "You did what she asked for. Maybe it was just too big a change."
"Okay." Fiona said.
Nathan took the basket and opened the door.
"Nathan." Fiona said.
"Yes." Nathan said, turning around.
"Was there something that you needed?" Fiona asked.
"I was just wondering if you could give me a quick trim." Nathan said. "But it can wait. I better go check on Elizabeth."
Fiona nodded. Nathan left the shop and stood on the boardwalk for a moment, before he decided to check the livery first. He figured she probably wanted to get away and a ride on Sergeant would be perfect. Nathan grabbed Newton's reins and walked toward the livery. When he got there, he saw Henry, who just pointed to Newton's stall. Nathan nodded and Henry left them alone. Nathan took a deep breath and then slowly approached the stall.
"Lizbeth." Nathan said, softly.
She didn't turn to look at him. She was just crouched in the corner, muttering something to herself. Nathan carefully walked over to her.
"Lizbeth." Nathan said. "Please, look at me."
Nathan knelt down to where she was as he didn't want to tower over her. She slowly looked at him and he clearly saw her hair for the first time. He smiled and reached his hand out to tuck a piece behind her ear. Elizabeth froze at the touch.
"It is okay." Nathan said, softly.
"What did I do?" Elizabeth cried.
"If you don't like it." Nathan said. "It will grow back. Personally, I think it looks great. Not that I didn't like your long hair, but the short hair also suits you. The important thing is what you think."
Elizabeth gave Nathan a half smile and he stopped, realizing he was rambling. She was the only one that had that effect on him.
"Come on." Nathan said, standing up.
He held out his hand to Elizabeth and helped her stand.
"Who is with Jack?" Nathan asked.
"Allie." Elizabeth said.
"Perfect." Nathan said. "Let's go for a ride. You will feel better and then we can talk about things."
Elizabeth nodded. Nathan quickly saddled Sergeant for Elizabeth and a few minutes later they were headed out of town. Elizabeth pulled ahead of Nathan and let Sergeant have his head, he was in a full gallop in a few strides. Nathan nudged Newton and he went to catch his buddy. Nathan let Elizabeth lead where they were going. Finally, they pulled into a clearing Nathan knew to be Jack's land. He quickly dismounted and went to help Elizabeth down. She just looked at him and swung down herself. Nathan took the reins and let the boys graze. He knew that Newton wouldn't go far and with him there, Sergeant wouldn't wander off.
Elizabeth immediately upon dismounting, went to the fallen log and sank to the ground, leaning against it. She tucked her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She dropped her head and the tears came.
Nathan took a moment. He set his hat on his saddle horn and then unbuttoned his serge and laid it across his saddle. The then took his canteen and went over to Elizabeth. He slowly sat next to her. He wasn't sure how to help her and it broke his heart to see her this upset. The longer that they sat there with Elizabeth crying, the more uncomfortable that Nathan became.
Finally able to take her crying any longer, without thinking, Nathan gathered Elizabeth into his arms and ran his fingers through her hair, just like he would have done for Allie. Elizabeth again froze at Nathan's touch. He thought he had done something wrong, so he released her, stood up and started to pace. He wasn't going to leave her alone, but he also was going to give her some space. He was also thinking if he could really do this. He loved her and the more time that they spent together, the harder it was getting not to ask her to be his wife. He wouldn't admit it, but Nathan had woken from such vivid dreams, that he physically ached for Elizabeth. He was scared that she was still too gripped by her fear because she froze both times he made a comforting or romantic gesture that day. It might be obvious that they loved each other, but if Elizabeth was going to give into her fear every time that Nathan came close, he knew that he couldn't do this back and forth dance.
When Nathan stood up and started pacing, Elizabeth thought he was mad at her, but then realized she kept pulling away from him and pushing him away without thinking about it. She tried to calm herself and about five minutes later, she stood up and went over to Nathan.
"I am sorry." Elizabeth said, softly.
Nathan turned to face Elizabeth. She saw the confusion in his eyes.
"I am sorry." Elizabeth said, stepping closer to Nathan.
Nathan instinctively stepped back, but Elizabeth again stepped closer to Nathan. She reached out and put her hand on his chest. It was Nathan's turn to freeze.
"I am sorry if you think I am upset with you." Elizabeth said. "I was just so shocked to see how different I looked. I know that you were just trying to comfort me."
Nathan just nodded. He was sure that Elizabeth could feel the hammering of his heart as they stood there. Sergeant nickered and they turned to see what Sergeant saw. They saw a small fawn on the edge of the clearing. When they turned, Elizabeth dropped her arm and her hand brushed against Nathan's stomach, causing him to shudder. They stood there and watched the little fawn graze for a moment and then Elizabeth turned back to Nathan and all she saw was love and desire in his eyes. He was looking down at her like he did when they had been so close to hanging that cardinal ornament of the tree several years ago.
Elizabeth immediately thought about if Nathan would have kissed here then and how different things would have been. She had been afraid and he had been too shy, but if they had been able to connect physically back then, it might have changed the course of things for both of them.
Nathan wasn't sure what Elizabeth was thinking about, but he saw her eyes soften and her lips part just ever so slightly. All Nathan could think about was kissing her, but he knew that he couldn't. He did study her lips for a moment as wonder what they would feel like on his.
Elizabeth saw Nathan involuntarily lick his lips and her breath caught. She wondered if he would kiss her, but then she realized that she had been giving him mixed signals and he would wait for her to make the first move. Elizabeth moved to stand in front of Nathan, so they were inches apart.
"I am sorry that I hurt you." Elizabeth said. "I wanted this change, but at the same time it was overwhelming."
"Why did you want the change?" Nathan asked, low and in a husky tone.
"Because I felt like I was stuck in the past." Elizabeth whispered. "I was letting my fear of what happened in the past hold me back, so when I saw the picture in a newspaper clipping, I just saw it as a way to create a different me."
Nathan titled his head and looked at Elizabeth closer.
"A me." Elizabeth said. "That was more in line with what I wanted. I have been trying to overcome the fear that I have felt for so long. I realized I can no longer deny the cry of my heart. A while ago, you asked me what was in my heart. When I hesitated, you told me to let you know when I figured it out."
"And did you?" Nathan asked, soft and unsure.
"Yes." Elizabeth said. "You are in my heart. You always have been. I was just so afraid before."
"And now?" Nathan asked, hope in his voice.
"I may have moments of fear." Elizabeth said. "But I am trying really hard to do like that plaque that you made."
Nathan's lip turned up in that half smile of his as he looked down on Elizabeth. She smiled back up at him. Then like there were magnets drawing them together, Elizabeth reached up and put her hands on Nathan's shoulders. She then used him as leverage to lift up on her tiptoes and capture his lips. Nathan momentarily froze before wrapping his arm around Elizabeth's waist and kissing her back, while holding her close. The sparks were arcing between them as they shared their first kiss. All the years of pent up and repressed passion was poured into the kiss by both of them.
Elizabeth finally pulled back needing air. She stayed in Nathan's embrace. As he slowly opened his eyes and looked at Elizabeth, he gave her that smile she loved so much.
"Wow." Nathan whispered.
Elizabeth blushed and instinctively reached up to finger her hair, because she was nervous. She realized that she no longer had her long hair to play with when she was nervous. She leaned into Nathan's chest.
"Do you really like my hair?" Elizabeth asked, soft and child like.
"Yes." Nathan said. "You are beautiful no matter what you do. But I do like the short hair on you. It is different but different can be good."
Elizabeth smiled against Nathan's chest.
"We should probably get back to the children." Elizabeth whispered.
"They will be fine." Nathan said. "We don't get time together and no one is going to be looking for either of us for a while, so why don't we just enjoy our time. We still have things to talk about."
Elizabeth nodded. She let go of Nathan, taking his hand and leading him back to the log. They sat and talked until the sun started to set into a beautiful sight. The sky lite up in pinks and purples with a hint of blue. As they stood to get the horses, they stopped and watched the sunset for a few moments, so close to each other. Things had changed between them, but they still had things to work out. But as they headed back to the horses, Nathan thought about the ring that was in his sock drawer at the house. He knew they still had things to talk about, but he so wanted to rush home and get it so he could ask Elizabeth the most important question thus far in his life.