The Princess Bride is one of my favorite movies, and I thought of it recently. I also had some urge to write a romance with Langley- my beloved- so this little thing came into existence. I'm not entirely sure how I dreamt it up, to be honest.

The Commander was in charge of a small port town, in an out-of-the-way part of a backwater country; suffice it to say that not much was going on… although those rare things that did happen were rarely handled by him, but rather by his secretary: Langley. Being fairly inexperienced– and too embarrassed to ever admit as much– he relied on her. Perhaps overmuch.

But life in their humble little corner of the world carried on regardless. Sailors came from strange places and left for places stranger still, and all the while she assisted him whenever he needed assisting.

Then, one day, he asked something of her she couldn't provide: "Could you grab me some coffee?"

"Isn't it a little… early for coffee?" (This tale is set a bit before coffee was properly in fashion, after all.)

"Of course it's early, that's why I need coffee."

Langley sighed. "As you wish. Just… work hard while I'm gone, alright?"

"You think I can't manage that?"

"I know you can't."

"Love you too."

Unfortunately, Langley was waylaid in her journey for coffee by a terrifying pirate… one who called herself LaFayette. This proved disastrous– without Langley's assistance, the port town nearly burned down twice, and the Commander was forced to call on foreign help… Royal help.

Catching the attention of royalty might have been fortunate in some other time, but the Commander was not a particular fan of the attention he received from a certain Queen Elizabeth. He didn't like it at all.

("I'll be honest: I think this whole royalty thing is more than a little silly and I'm kind of tired of having to accommodate it.")

Having excused himself from the Royal court, he found himself meandering through some nearby wildlands, hoping that he might be removed from current circumstances. As if destiny decided to answer his plea, he bumped into three travelers who were also roaming the woods: a pink-haired woman, dressed in a warrior's garb; a green-haired woman with a confident smile; and finally, a fox-woman who towered over all of them. He came to a halt.

"Hey there. You, uh, need something?"

The green-haired one turned to her towering companion. "Musashi, if you would?"

Musashi stepped forward and made to grab him."Do you not wish to flee?"

"Go ahead. I'm not gonna stop you. Take me away, momm- ma'am. Take me away, ma'am."

Musashi took him, and in mere moments, he was asleep in her arms. Musashi chuckled. "He's rather like a child."

"I would think him a bit more than a mere child, Musashi… but for now, we must make our leave! Seydlitz, come along!"

With that, the party set sail for somewhere not under the jurisdiction of "Good Queen Liz". Unfortunately, it seemed that their getaway was not as clean as they hoped: a ship appeared from the inky night and attached itself to their tail– their collective tail, not Musashi's tail, that would be a bit too close– and whoever was steering it was keeping pace with the group.

When they hit land, Littorio swiftly decided that she and Musashi would take the lead, while would stay behind to handle whoever was chasing them. By herself. Thankfully, it seemed that they didn't have a horde of pursuers… they just the one, and she was really struggling to get her boat properly docked.

"You need a hand there?" Seydlitz asked.

"I think I've got it." The stranger panted, struggling with some knots. It seemed like she was wearing some sort of disguise– a mask and a hat for her hair– but Seydlitz didn't have the heart to tell her that being that short made her unmistakable. In fact, Seydlitz had never met someone that short in her entire life. She really was a marvel.

"Round turn and two half hitches?" Seydlitz asked.

"Yes. You know your knots."

"Of course I do. Who do you think moored ours? The Sardegnan?"

"Not a fan?"

"She's… something. But a good Commander is so hard to find these days, you know?"

"No kidding." The stranger grumbled, standing up and wiping some sand off of her skirt.

"Regardless, I must challenge you to a duel!" Seydlitz unsheathed her blade, and right away, her enemy drew her own…

Seydlitz looked at her opponent's weapon and blinked. "Is that a riding crop? This, uh, wasn't in the fencing manuals."

"Not every lesson can be learned in manuals." The stranger smirked.

"Right." She cleared her throat. This wasn't going the way duels were supposed to go, what to do, what to do… "Your name!" She shouted. "What is your name?!"

"LaFayette." The woman made a vaguely menacing gesture with her crop.

"And I am Seydlitz." She cleared her throat. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Will you let me pass otherwise?"

Oh yeah, right. Standing orders to stop their pursuers. "No." Seydlitz adjusted her stance, hoping that her usual tricks would work on the exceedingly short.

They, uh… didn't.

("Ow, ow! Not the legs!")

With Seydlitz out of commission temporarily– limping along with occasional breaks for her poor thighs– LaFayette went at a good pace, and it was practically impossible to miss the trail. There were footprints, and then there were all the broken tree limbs and the dust kicked up by the massive tails. (She almost felt sorry for the fox-woman. Keeping those clean while travelling must be a nightmare.)

Suddenly, she bumped into something. LaFayette looked up… and up… and up. Nope, too far up, those were fox ears. Back down, there was a human face. She had bumped into someone.

"Take care not to fall." The towering woman said. This one was called Musashi, LaFayette thought. She had that sort of Sakura look about her, what with the fox features.

"Thanks, but aren't you here to stop me?"

"I can stop you without causing undue harm, can't I? A child such as yourself–"

"I am not a child!"

"Ohoho, how precocious." Musashi had the gall to giggle at her.

"I'm older than you, missy! I'm not sure where you came from, but there's something called respect for your elders…"

All Musashi had wanted to do was offer the woman some refreshments and a quick breather, but LaFayette didn't seem like she was in the mood to accept any aid. She stomped off to pursue Littorio, who would probably like the chance to stop LaFayette and stroke her own ego at the same time. It all worked out nicely, Musashi thought.

And it gave her time to yank twigs out of her tail. How bothersome…

It seemed that Littorio had bothered to wait for her. That was rather convenient, LaFayette thought. Hell, she had bothered to spread out a cloth and had set out some food, which was looking pretty good, after everything she'd done today. Oh yeah, and the Commander was there, that was pretty important.

"A rescue party, already? You truly are a beloved man, Commander."

"Let him go," LaFayette ordered.

"And why would I do that?"

LaFayette sighed. "I'll make you if I must."

"This Littorio can beat you any way you please. Pick your poison, my lady."

"A game of wits," LaFayette suggested. "Pour some coolant, if you would?"

Littorio did so, and LaFayette took the two cups. "I'll slip something in that should leave whoever drinks it incapable…"

A guessing game, then? Two glasses, only one of which could be drunk safely. One cup in front of her, the other in front of LaFayette.

She would admit that this LaFayette character had a pretty good poker face, probably helped by the mask she was wearing. Littorio just had to figure out what she was thinking, and which of the two cups she would have dosed.

Really, how did the girl expect to win this? She was like, four feet and change. A single glass of wine would probably take her out for the night– dammit, she should have offered some wine instead of coolant– but Littorio knew that she needed to be confident… and she needed to recognize her opponent's confidence too.

Sometimes, you ran across the sort of nutcase that would poison their own glass with the expectation that the other person would take it. Littorio had a feeling that sort of mindgame was just LaFayette's thing, so she took her own cup and drank deeply. And decided indulge in a bit of pride.

"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never involved in a naval war in the Pacific, but only slightly less well known is this: never go in against a Sardegnan when death is on the line!"

"Death?" LaFayette asked.

"Any defeat is a little death." Littorio chuckled to herself, waiting for LaFayette to keel over.

And she waited. And waited.

"Are you going to start retching anytime soon?"

"I don't think so." (Coal was more nostalgic to her than anything else.)

"How do you know?"

"I put coal in both."

Well, that explained the feeling in her stomach… (Littorio was looking about as green as her hair. ) Still, she thought she could manage to keep this down; she was no pushover!

"A gentlewoman such as myself would never– urk– throw up in the bushes like some teetering drunk."

"Do you want me to hold your hair back for you?"

"... Grazie."

"Plenty of fluids, alright?"

"Yes, yes."

Anyone who could manage to not feel miserable while throwing up had LaFayette's respect. She didn't complain, she didn't put on a sour expression… Littorio confidence, all the way through.

Unfortunately, they didn't seem to have much time. LaFayette grabbed the Commander– who didn't even take the chance to run or anything, typical– and got a move on. His eyes were affixed on her…

"Langley?"

For a single moment, Langley was tempted to ask how the Commander guessed, but that wasn't a particularly hard question, was it?

"Yes. I got that coffee, by the way."

He burst into laughter.

Faintly, Langley could hear something behind them: "Those are lovely ears, miss! Do you get them groomed somewhere?"

Their pursuers had caught up quickly, hadn't they?

A party had come over the hill, riding on horses, and they found Littorio, lying on the ground dramatically near a bush. She turned to see them– and the ears of the Queen's strongest enforcer.

Warspite blinked. "Thank you, I suppose?"

"It's true."

"Would you tell us where the Commander went? You don't seem to have him."

"I don't think I will."

"Why?"

"I couldn't stand losing to anyone but a winner, you know?"

"... What?"

"It's getting a little late, I think."

Quietly, the Commander closed the book, and smiled at the girls of the Mutsuki class. "Now it's important that you don't bother Miss Langley about this, alright?"

"Why not?"

(Because she'd kill me for reading this to you, that's why, he thought.)

Omake:

"Greetings, my name is Seydlitz. We fought at Jutland. Prepare to die."