Post 5x18 "Incoming"

Canon Divergence, getting together, mutual pining, Luca as a friend to them both.

-x-

The apology to Tan off her chest, Chris's vision scans the horizon until she finds Street. He looks fine, better than she could've hoped given how likely it was that he would be hurt, but it doesn't help calm the rollercoaster that is Chris's heartbeat.

Especially not when she sees Katie walk up to him and hand him two bags of something, only for him to open his passenger-side door a second later. Street closes it after Katie's securely inside, and he jogs over to get a nod from Hondo before joining her and turning over the engine.

Watching the license plate disappear leaves Chris unable to breathe. Her guts twist around worse than they have all day, and she knows they shouldn't, because Street is safe, but there's no relief in the feeling that he's alive, but she's lost him.

"We've talked about this." She'd said on the phone with him, somehow barely 7 hours ago. "I can't make you do anything you don't want to do."

Chris knows she's right. They've talked about them to death. Her job has to come first. Putting up with jokes and stares isn't something she's able to do anymore, for anyone.

But she can't blame him for wanting to move on, either.

It's an impossible situation, and Chris has no idea how to tell Street that she wants it just as much as he does and make him believe her.

She doesn't get more time to think about it, jolted out of her thoughts by Luca nudging her with an elbow.

"We're about all packed up and ready to head back. You okay? I know today was rough."

Jaw clenching, Chris nods, eyes still glued to where Street's charger was.

"Everyone's safe. I'm fine."

Chris refuses to look at Luca, not wanting to see how little he believes her written across his face. Without another word, she pushes herself off her own car and turns to throw her gear in the trunk.

Street returns to the house long after the sun is set. Stomach full and the fear of the day finally shed from his system, he gives Luca a smile and pets Duke when the dog headbutts his thigh.

"Hey, Luca, surprised you're still awake."

From his position on the couch, Luca pauses the TV and takes a drink of water before looking at Street.

"Wanted to make sure you made it home safe after the day you had." Luca teases. Street rolls his eyes, but feels the love all the same. "How's the flight attendant?"

"Katie?" Street asks, as if there's anyone else Luca would be talking about. "She's good, was a champ today."

Nodding, Luca looks Street up and down.

"You gonna keep seeing her?"

It stops Street in his tracks, and, in surprise, a short puff of air escapes him. Not meeting Luca's eyes and focusing on Duke, he shakes his head.

"I don't know, maybe. Why do you ask?"

Shrugging, Luca says he's just wondering.

"Have you checked in with Chris at all? She was pretty worried about you today." Luca starts, gauging how quickly Street's eyes snap back to his, disbelief mixed with hints of hope swimming in his irises.

"We all were." He continues. "But Chris got Beth to give up the signal, she refused to break from the training stims we were running for even a minute."

Street watches as Luca gets up to dump out his leftover water and then turns the TV off.

"Anyway, I'm beat. I'll see you in the morning, man."

"Yeah, yeah, Luca," Street says, distracted. "Have a good night."

Street just hears the click of Luca's bedroom door closing before his keys are back in his hands and he's leaving the way he came.

Chris has never been so glad her apartment complex has a 24/7 gym in her life. As soon as they were done debriefing, statements given and paperwork signed, Hondo told them all to head out and get some rest. Not wanting to raise any more suspicions than she's sure her outburst already had, Chris was quick to say her goodbyes.

Her drive home is surrounded by thoughts about Street that nearly have to make her pull over to get her bearings.

Street on that plane, in danger. Street with Katie, at dinner or wherever they went. Street without Chris. Beyond her. Happier. How if something happened to Street, she wouldn't be able to go on. That she can't lose him, but she already might have, in the way that really matters.

Because watching him drive off felt like being left behind. It's not something she isn't used to, but she's usually pretty good at reminding herself why she's not at fault.

She knows, though, that she's only got herself to blame for this one. There's no beating around that bush.

So, Chris beats the heavyweight bag in the corner. In her periphery, she hears people come and go, and briefly wonders how long she's been there. Her body can't seem to hit the bag hard enough to jostle loose what Chris needs to get out.

Sweat running down her neck and forehead, Chris wipes it away with the back of her arm and takes another swing. Then another.

In her mind, all she sees is the hijackers. All she feels is anger, and desperation.

She should be calling him, Chris thinks, but all she can do is throw another right cross.

It takes her another minute to realize she's crying, tears blurring her vision more than sweat. Glancing around the room tells her no one else is there, so Chris makes no move to wipe away the wetness as she continues to pound her fists into the bag until her arms shake, and then some.

Eventually, her arms refuse to lift again, despite the current of emotions that are crashing in her stomach and up to her heart. Checking her phone, Chris feels her hopes rise of their own accord, and then fall, disgusted with herself, when there's nothing from Street.

On her way to the elevator, Chris types out a text: how are you doing? And then deletes it. She's not sure how many times she does it on the ride up to the 6th floor.

Leaving her phone on the counter and her gym bag on the ground next to it, Chris walks to her bathroom without giving herself so much as a second to process. She rips the hair tie out of her small ponytail and peels off the sweaty workout clothes, stepping under the shower stream that hasn't had time to move past frigid.

The water shocks her, but not enough to pull her brain from the spiral it's in. Barely enough concentration to get through her routine, Chris finishes in the shower as fast as she's able and then throws herself into bed, not looking at the time.

Squeezing her fists, clenching her jaw, giving herself every reason why she needs to stop thinking and just go to sleep, each passing minute only sends Chris deeper into the notion that Street's found something better than her.

Street drives faster than he should from the house to Chris's apartment. Waving half-heartedly to the doorman, he forgoes the elevator for the service staircase, taking them two at a time until he finds himself outside her door.

First round of knocks going unanswered, Street sucks in through his teeth and checks the time. Almost 11pm, but her truck is in the parking lot, and she's never been one to be asleep before midnight, so he knocks louder.

"Chris? C'mon, I saw your truck. We need to talk."

Nothing.

"Chris!" Street shouts, an edge to his voice as he prays that her neighbors aren't home. "Please?"

The yelling pulls Chris from the recess of her dream. She can't tell who, but it's a full enough sound that it can't be happening in her head, and the knocking that follows suit only confirms her suspicion that someone is there.

Shutting her eyes against the noise and the pounding in her head, Chris gets to her feet. Her heart is heavy in her chest as she walks to the door, and it's set on fire when she's able to make out the voice.

"Street?" Chris says, one hand tight around the door handle. Her voice is soft, groggy, and sounds like she can't believe he's there.

Shoving down how much it pains him that she'd ever think he wants to be anywhere else, he nods. He finds the opposite handle.

"Yeah, Chris. Please open up. I talked to Luca, I really just need to see you."

Chris wraps her free arm tighter around herself, and pulls the door open.

When he feels the door release, Street lets go of the handle. His eyes find Chris's like they're the only thing he can see. The rest of her face is red and splotchy, but Street doesn't care as he kicks the door closed, cradles her face in his hands, and kisses her.

Hands falling to her side and then, wrapping around Street's back, Chris relaxes into him. She's on the edge of falling completely when reality rushes back to her.

"Street, Street, stop. Please." She says, pushing against his shoulders and stumbling back so there's a few feet between them. "What— Why are you here?"

Their chests rise and fall heavily as Chris tries to wrap her mind around what's going on. Cautiously, Street takes a step closer, and then another when Chris nods. Barely a foot away again, he sets both hands on her shoulders, making fireworks echo in both of their bodies.

"Listen, Chris, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left the airstrip without saying anything. When I got home, Luca told me everything you did today. You were right, you can't make me do anything I don't want to, and I want to be in love with you even if that means waiting longer."

Blinking, Chris feels her head spinning as she processes Street's words. Her mouth opens and closes until some form of words come out.

"What about the flight attendant?"

Street closes his eyes and pushes all the air from his lungs. When he opens them, he has a half-smile that Chris loves, and he moves one hand from her shoulder to hold her face, running his thumb over her cheekbone.

"She was great, helped save those people."

Nodding, Chris averts her gaze. Everything Street said before flies out the window, thoughts of him and Katie flooding back in.

"But she isn't you."

"What?" Chris breathes out. Street lets out a soft laugh as he waits for her eyes to meet his again.

"I was kidding myself to think that anyone can hold a candle to you, or that I'd want anyone to."

By her side, Chris's fists clench and unclench, working to dispel the energy coursing through her that she can't manage. It's all too much, and she takes another small step backwards, further away.

The pain in Street's eyes is too much when she does, but Chris forces herself to look.

"Street, we can't. I wish I had a solution, but I don't."

"I know," Street reassures her. "I know. But I could've died today, and you could've a few months ago in Lankford, and we can't keep having these conversations about not getting to say goodbye."

Street's eyes are as certain as his tone. Chris feels her shoulders fall a few inches. Coming to her again, he takes one of her hands in both of his like he did when they first talked about them if 20-Squad were to break up, when she first asked him to be patient.

"It doesn't have to be much. I'm all in. As you long as you know that, I'm good."

Looking at their interlocked hands, Chris squeezes his just as tight. They stand in the silence, Street not wanting to say more before Chris is ready.

"I know."

And then, softer.

"I'm all in."

He's smiling like she's the sun when she finds his face, and Street pulls Chris into a hug, holding her close. Bodies relaxing into one another, Chris buries her face in Street's neck.

"I was so worried today."

Her breath is hot on his skin, and Street can't help how warm it makes him feel as he gently sways them back and forth on her kitchen tile.

"So I heard." He says, a teasing lilt in his tone. "Now you know how I felt when you and Deac were MIA."

Chris pulls him in tighter, pressing their chests together and feeling his back expand underneath her hands. Between his scent and the rocking motion, Chris could fall asleep. She gives herself another second to relish in it before moving back slightly.

"Thank you for coming. I was afraid I'd lost you."

Street runs a hand through the hair that frames her face.

"You and the team saved me."

She shakes her head, and Street dips his chin, eyes questioning.

"I don't mean on the plane. I mean you. Here. Us. All I've been thinking about for hours is that you're gone, and it's on me."

"Chris," Street starts to reassure her again, and she gives him a small smile, the spiral finally closing itself off.

"I know. I'm grateful you gave me another chance."

Understanding washes over Street and turns into a warm blanket that's wrapped around them both, keeping everything and everyone else out.

"We're in a tough spot, I get it, but we'll keep making it work until it works."

"That sounds like a plan, Street." Chris says, and he nods.

"It is. It's not perfect, but it'll hold for now."

Stepping in, Street leans down to kiss Chris one more time, reveling in the feeling of her. Chris rests a hand on his bicep, not trying to hide the blush that splashes over her chest and cheeks when they part.

"You should go. It's been a long day, we both need sleep. And, I need some time to wrap my head around this, still."

With a soft, understanding smile, Street says okay, but not before stealing one more kiss.

"I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Drive safe." Chris says. The door closes behind him, but no feelings of dread or uncertainty rise in her stomach. Chris wraps her arms around herself again, this time to capture and hold onto the feeling of Street's.

"Morning!" Luca says, far too awake for 5:30AM when Street makes his way down the hallway the next morning. The blender blares, a pink concoction spinning inside that Luca's adding spinach and half a banana to, and Street winces against the noise.

"Yeah, I love being woken up to that." He says, opening the fridge door for a carton of eggs. Luca shrugs, but only has the blender run for a few more seconds before turning it off.

"I heard you leave last night. Where'd you go?" Luca asks. Street gives him a look, knowing Luca's only asking to hear him say it.

"How'd it go?" Luca pivots. Sighing, Street says good.

"But you cannot tell anyone else. I'm serious, Luca. Chris's one concern has always been how people at work will treat her. Even if it's just someone suspecting something, I'm not putting her through that."

His tone is harsh enough that it sinks into Luca without any further questions, and he nods his understanding. Still, Street continues.

"I know the team wouldn't really care, but we both know it's different for female officers. There are some guys at HQ who still haven't caught up to speed."

Walking behind Street, Luca slaps his shoulders.

"I hear you, man. Chris can beat their ass, she shouldn't have to. I'm not telling anyone anything that isn't mine to tell, I promise."

Street exhales. He believes Luca, but it's good reassurance all the same.

"Thanks, man." Street says, and Luca slides past him to grab two plates.

"Of course. You better be so prepared to hear about my weekend date on Monday, though. This girl, Olivia, and me, we're going to dinner for our second. She's amazing."

Laughing, Street says okay. He doles out the eggs while Luca pours two smoothies, and feels the buzz of his phone in his pajama pockets just as he goes to sit down. Chris.

Morning. Ready?

"That the lady of the hour?" Luca teases, Street's bright, dimpled smile a dead give away.

"Sure is." Street says, tapping out a reply.

Whatever it takes, Chris.

-x-

hello! thank you so much for reading, and i hope you enjoyed! as always, comments/kudos/suggestions so appreciated and loved! every suggestion someone's made is definitely on my list, that i'm slowly but surely working through. i'm at the very end of my rewatch, which, sad, but good to be able to go back now and watch specific episodes for details and whatnot! i forgot how good 5x18 was until i rewatched it today. little divergence, obviously, but then Luca pushes quite hard in 5x20 & 21, so it's just that, a bit earlier. stay liquid! xo, Allie