Chapter 2: All This... For A Damn Drinking Horn
-The Rock of Bral-
-Asteroid belt megacity and spaceport, Starfinder and Spelljammer campaign settings-
John Henry, the renowned artificer from Eberron with the Mark of Making, was about to pioneer a whole new kind of magic, using some kind of signal horn, (or maybe a drinking horn,) as the catalyst to jumpstart the event. There was a big problem though, which would, in the future, bring him and countless other people great misfortune- the fact that he didn't know what he was dealing with.
But being the brash and bold individual that he was, Henry was insistent on finding out the mysterious purpose of the Horn of Osius.
He landed his spelljamming ship in the lower parts of the city, close to the asteroid of Bral's equatorial boundary, and sought out a meeting with Al Funcoot, the most knowledgeable authority on the topic of magical relics in possibly all of Wildspace.
Al Funcoot was a geeky green goblin with glasses who had been born into a family in charge of banking and money management, typical of goblins in Eastern Wildspace. But he had more of a desire to study history than spend all day counting credits and maintaining vaults, and through hard work and perseverance, he became the city of Bral's most celebrated archaeologist, specializing in arcane discoveries.
He greeted the artificer, and happened to know him from his exploits back on Eberron.
"Oh, I recognize you. You're the weaponsmith from House Cannith, who took out an entire terrorist cell of demons and devils on his own. Welcome to my humble museum, John Henry Irons. Is there anything you would like to see here? Or better yet, a piece of knowledge from the past you could show to me?"
But when John Henry laid down what seemingly appeared to be an ordinary drinking horn in front of the genius, he panicked, and turned remarkably pale for a goblin, a sure sign that he was paralyzed by fear. When he could speak again, Al Funcoot explained the horrifying truth behind what the foolish artificer had unearthed:
"That's... the Horn of Osius. Do you have any idea what you've done by letting this thing see the light of day?"
"What does it do? I wanted to find out its arcane function."
"This is one of the last remnants of mind control sorcery, among the worst kinds of dark magic. And this Horn is BY FAR, THE MOST POTENT OF SUCH DREADED RELICS. You have no idea just how dangerous this musical instrument can be."
"It can turn a million people into little more than puppets, helpless to do anything but the player's will, with just a single note. A fluent player of the Horn can make the most powerful of gods, hellspawn and eldritch abominations do anything he desires. Even evil beings with multiverse level influence, like Vecna and Asmodeus, will ultimately obey the commands of the Horn of Osius."
"So what do you want me to do? I never wanted to be in this situation! I initially thought this shitty thing could magically change the realms for the better, as in helping society!"
"YOU NEED TO DESTROY THE HORN! Go, find out a way, as soon as possible! There have been entire wars with trillions of deaths, quite recently, all to acquire what you're currently holding! Leave the Rock, and don't come back!"
Al Funcoot waved his hand, and a psychic force pushed Henry out the doors of the museum and back into the city square. And, having lately read the newspapers in Sharn City, which spoke of a recent cosmic war ravaging parts of the multiverse, he believed everything the goblin said.
Before he could even begin to think about a plan to destroy the malicious, malevolent musical instrument, he bumped into another person: A young dark elf woman, probably in her late teens or early twenties, with cone-shaped horns (as in biological horns that grow) somewhat resembling cat ears, a long mane of black hair, pale skin, and a medium build, her well-toned muscles exposed, since she wore a latticed crop top as part of her outfit, along with sweatpants, thigh-high boots, and a white belt.
Author's note: Desstra, the dark elf ninja from Lou Anders' Thrones and Bones novels, bears an uncanny resemblance to Blake Belladonna from that fairy tale anime, RWBY, at least when it comes to how she is described. She is depicted as having all of the above characteristics for her outfit, too. The main difference? The two characters' greatly contrasting backstories.
"I've heard legends about you, John Henry. People tell me you're a man of great honor and integrity, who can fix any mechanical or magical problem. Anyways, my name's Desstra."
Henry smiled. Another person who admired the work he did.
"I don't like to toot my own horn, usually, but yeah, I do rock at blacksmithing and creating innovative weapons."
However, he didn't notice that the dark elf was eyeing the Horn in his left hand. By the time Henry realized what was going on, Desstra kicked him HARD in the nuts, the PINGAS, the NADS, like Johnny Cage from Mortal Kombat. Then she snatched the Horn of Osius when he was keeled over in pain, and ran away with it.
"ÜRGH! Motherfucker, you better give that back, or you'll regret it! Who the hell kicks a man in the genitals with no provocation?!"
Desstra was on the move. She didn't want to be around when Henry got back up, since his magic gun and siege staff were clearly superior weapons in comparison to her skills in ninjutsu. She just had to find a spelljamming ship, and seek out someone who could destroy the Horn. Little did she know, the man she had assaulted had the same goal in mind.
The ninja wouldn't be able to get away that easy, though- other individuals in the city close by were hunting for the Horn, too!
This was all but confirmed when Desstra heard a voice behind her.
"Hey there, BITCH."
She turned around, experienced half a second of silent fear, and was shoved in a leather sack by a big Warforged robot and his sidekick, an anthropomorphic otter.
Zephyr the artillery specialist and CHX-72 "Charlie" the ranger had arrived on the scene after closely following John Henry the artificer from the very minute he left Eberron with the Horn in hand. He never noticed the invisible nightspider ship that had been trailing behind him, and that mistake was going to cost him.
First the two scoundrels had to deal with Desstra, though.
She slipped out of the bag, Harry Houdini style, and backhanded Zephyr, sending him careening through the air and landing in a water fountain. The good news was, his gear was waterproof. The bad news, was that Charlie was getting his ass whooped. All the while, confused civilians watched from the streets as the battle between these degenerates ramped up.
To combat her artificial opponent, the female ninja unveiled a katana crackling with an electromagnetic field, and started slashing away at Charlie. Of course, he tried to block the attacks with his strong metal arms, but the electric charge from the blade fucked up his internal mechanical systems, and this made him fall to the floor, bending over painfully.
Zephyr noticed his best friend being hurt, and took action immediately.
"You stupid, GODDAMN SLUT! You messed with the BULL, and now you're gonna get HORNS UP YOUR ASS!"
The space otter lobbed a cryo grenade that exploded near Desstra, freezing her in a block of ice and incapacitating her, then helped Charlie get to his feet.
"That whore paralyzed me!," Charlie said to Zephyr, shocked quite literally and verbally.
"Let's not stick around for the ice to thaw, then," Zephyr replied, as he took the Horn of Osius from Desstra's left hand, which was protruding from the ice block.
"Oh really?," the dark elf said. "Call me a whore, ONE MORE TIME. I dare you two."
"Sorry, not interested," Charlie said back.
Suddenly, a blast of lightning exploded the ice cube Desstra was inside of, freeing her, and immobilizing Charlie and Zephyr, locking them in place. The flash made nearby civilians panic, and scatter in all directions. Sooner or later, the gang of four would attract the wrong kind of attention, if they kept fighting...
John Henry took the Horn from Zephyr's paws, and warned him and Charlie:
"Stay out of my way, furry asswipe. That goes for you too, Tin Man!"
Then Desstra lunged at Henry with a right hook punch. This time, he was ready, and sidestepped out of the way. The two began trading blows, but even though the artificer had been trained in a knightly house, specifically Dragonmarked House Cannith, his experience in hand-to-hand combat paled to what Desstra had, since she had been raised to be a warrior from early childhood.
Desstra eventually knocked Henry to the ground, by doing a leg sweep underneath him, and tied his arms up with metal cables, the third time a mobility-restricting move was used in this confrontation. She scooped up the Horn and took off running.
At the same time, Zephyr's paralysis wore off (Charlie would take longer since he was a machine,) and he took his friend's mana rifle, aiming it at Desstra's rump, while looking through the lens of truth scope to make sure he precisely hit her there.
"I live for the simple things in life. Like how much this is gonna HURT when it goes up your ARSEnal! Alas, nobody likes my puns!"
Henry looked at the crooked otter with an expression of disgust on his face, then shattered his bindings with his bare hands.
"The fuck is wrong with you? Why are you obsessed with things going up butts?"
Zephyr fired a blue beam that struck right on target, and while it didn't have the effect he said it would, thankfully, it still burned part of her pants off, which was more than good enough.
Following this, Charlie recovered from his electric immobilization, and sprinted towards an embarrassed, rump-naked Desstra on piston-powered, ooze-lubricated motorized legs, shoving her aside, along with multiple bystanders, and picking up the Horn where it lay. Now he had the prize, and Zephyr caught up with him, climbing on his shoulder as they both prepared to escape the crime scene, with Desstra and Henry angrily chasing after them, katana and magic missile staff in hand.
Despite this... the chase promptly ended, here and now. Four anti-gravity beams stopped the four rascals in their tracks, and made them float in midair. Then, the source of the sudden levitation magic was revealed: Law enforcement on the Rock of Bral, the police forces of the Three Grand Magistrates. They rode in on Chocobos, (the flightless birds from Final Fantasy,) wielding batons that projected anti-gravity constructs.
"Attention, all fugitives, drop your weapons! By the authority of the Magistrate's Watch, you are under arrest for disturbing the common people's peace and order. You shall be judged and punished accordingly by the Court Council of the Rock."
"Aww, crap," Zephyr uttered. Nobody else said a thing while being taken into custody.