Chapter 5: Battle For The Rock- Part 1

In the preceding chapter, our basket of deplorables started a horrendous prison riot, but that wasn't the end of things, and after John Henry got his spelljamming ship shot down, it was all but confirmed that the Imperium of Man, one of the lawful evil forces searching for the Horn of Osius, had made planetfall on the Rock of Bral. (But how do you make planetfall on a large asteroid?)

Seeing no way out except for going directly through the battlefield, Henry leads the charge, where he and his new buddies can find their way off the Rock, and with extreme optimism, seek out an institution that knows how to dispose of exceptionally dangerous magical artifacts.

If there's anything positive about this scenario, it's that the citizens of the Rock keep around a disproportionately large amount of weapons, both magical and technological, which would come in handy against an invading force. (Kind of like how people in the United States act about their guns, but that's off topic.)

The story is starting up now...

-In the Middle City on the Rock of Bral-

The entire central portion of the asteroid spaceport city had become a blood-soaked urban battlefield. The Imperium had devoted 25 whole Astra Militarum regiments to the conquest of Bral's star system, including elite companies from the Cadian Shock Troops.

In the skies above the city heights, spelljamming ships of all kinds equipped with spell-casting artillery, magic missile projectors, and rapid-firing ballistas engaged Imperium aircraft in a ferocious dogfight, debris continuously dropping out of the air.

In the streets, the hardy citizens of the Rock, accustomed to getting invaded by things like the mind flayer fleets and demons of the Abyss, managed to hold their own against the Guardsmen. This was largely due to the fact that everybody carried the same superior weapons and equipment that a high-level DND adventurer normally would, somewhat equalizing the struggle, even if the Imperial soldiers had lasguns and bolters.

Henry and his party arrived when all of this and more was happening, sheltered behind some rubble.

"It really is a warzone, isn't it? Better keep the Horn inside of my backpack," he told them.

"So all we gotta do is find a spelljamming ship, and get out, before this whole place is obliterated?," Thianna asked.

Charlie shook his head.

"Easier said than done."

Then shit happened when Zephyr chose to go in guns blazing... not the sharpest head on the prick, is he?

"Enough procrastinating, let's fuck 'em all to death!," he shouted, barreling out of cover and proceeding to lob a cluster bomb at a group of Cadians. The explosive split into many separate incendiary fragmentation warheads and sent screaming, flaming bodies flying through the air.

Desstra facepalmed.

"Well, now our cover is blown thanks to the spaz!"

Acknowledging this fact, the rest of the party ran after Zephyr.

The Guardsmen didn't pay them attention at first, because the majority of them were occupied with battling the commoners of the Rock, who loved their weapons, regardless of type, sci-fi or fantasy, and used them to optimum effect. A group of wizards and warlocks forced some Elysian drop troops to make a tactical retreat by sending tentacles of elemental energy coruscating through the air, while a lone Vesk lizardman mercenary from the Starfinder setting was racking up kills with his plasma halberd and Eberron-style combat wand.

"I didn't expect these Imperial fucks to struggle as much as they are right now," Thianna remarked. "You think they're actually from a different universe altogether?"

Nobody in the group answered her, because they were beginning to run in the opposite direction.

"Thianna! Get out of the way!," Henry warned her.

It was a little too late for that, though, because the half-giant didn't hear her comrade over the cacophony of the battlefield, and she was immediately crushed beneath the bulk of a crashing space galleon.

Thianna's fellow party members turned around to see her apparent demise.

"I guess we can manage this with four people," Charlie said, not giving a damn, like the robotic construct he was.

But through some freak miracle, Thianna survived, tearing her way out of the wreckage with her brute strength.

"I'm okay, this has happened to me before!"

Zephyr expected it the least.

"Well, shieet! We still gotta find a spelljamming vessel that either hasn't crashed, or isn't involved in a dogfight."

Abruptly, a lasgun beam streaked towards Thianna and barely missed her, just taking off a bit of the long, dark brown hair on her head.

"Okay, who shot that at me?"

A second las-bolt hit Charlie in the chest, which didn't do very much to his mithril body, but when everyone turned around to see the source of the attack, it turned out to be the most dangerous Guardsmen in the Cadian and Elysian regiments.

The party was sandwiched in between the wrecked space galleon and the wall of soldiers with big guns.

"Surrender now, if you want the Emperor to take mercy upon you," the squad leader, a Commissar, said.

"Ehh, fuck your God-Emperor and fuck your mercy!," Zephyr cursed, defiant to the end.

"Yeah, cretins, that's what he said!," Charlie chimed in.

The Commissar didn't care for their insults and profanity.

"Fire on my command in 3... 2... 1..."

That would've been the early and painful end of our raunchy, blasphemous DND adventure, had it not been for a certain lucky contingency, involving a Lizardman alchemist, a Tiefling monk, and a slimy Plasmoid mage.

The Guardsmen and their Commissar were metaphorically butt-fucked from the rear by three ace adventurers, who had incidentally been looking for a dangerous magic item (though they didn't know what it was or what it did.)

"Oh, thanks!," said Thianna, who was the first to show her gratitude by putting down her enormous halberd, assuming that these strangers wanted her to surrender too.

"The pleasure is all yours," the blue Tiefling said, who had batlike wings and a skull-shaped face. "I'm Solomon, and these are my subordinates, Uxas and Tarmon Gaidon. Come with us if you want to live. I suspect we have the same goal in mind."

"How do you know we have the Horn?," Zephyr uttered, to which Henry reacted by sharply slapping him on the wrist.

"You weren't supposed to tell them!"

"That's what this is all about?," the Lizardman named Tarmon hissed. "Sssstupid Imperials burned an entire sssspaceport for a drinking horn?"

"It's a lot more dangerous than you'd think," Desstra informed him. "If you want to destroy it, you're welcome to join us."

"It's nice to meet you people then!," said the Plasmoid called Uxas.

Solomon then walked up to the wreckage of the space galleon blocking the pathway, and with one roundhouse kick using his taloned foot, he smashed the whole thing into exceptionally tiny splinters which gathered into little piles of sawdust and rust.

"I know a way off this damn boulder," he announced. "Let's crack some more heads while we're at it, and contact the Adventurer's Guild before things get worse. We're gonna let them know we have a way to stop this war."

Desstra was suspicious at first, but Henry reassured her that there was nothing to fear now.

"Are you guys sure about this? How do you know he isn't planning to sell us out to some demon lord? He's a goddamn Tiefling of all things! And before you all ask, this statement has NOTHING TO DO with who I used to work for, or my opinion on crime and punishment."

"I think we can trust Solomon and his fellows, and I'm a pretty good judge of character."

Author's note: Currently doing two stories at once, with a third and possibly fourth still in the works. I'm gonna stick to at least one chapter and story adjustment per month.