She'd meant to be at the library by 6:00; when she'd given Stabler her assurance she'd had every intention of following through on that promise. It was just that work got in the way, as it so often did, and it was after 7:00 before she pulled up to the curb in front of the library. She had no way to reach him, no way to know if he'd stayed all day at the library like they'd agreed or if he'd split the second she drove off that morning. What if he had just up and left? What if he was just some nutjob, spinning some crazy story, and he'd had his fun and decided to ditch her? If he was telling the truth, she figured he'd probably still be there; where else was he gonna go?

But now she had to find him, and she wasn't looking forward to that. It was a big library, he could've been anywhere. She decided to start at the front desk, flash her badge and ask the librarian if they'd seen anyone matching his description, but before she even opened her door she saw him walking towards her across the sidewalk, scowling. There were a few benches out front where people could sit and wait for the bus, and he must have been there, she thought, must have been sitting there waiting for her for over an hour. If she'd been in his shoes she'd have been pissed, and as he slid into the passenger's seat she saw that his face was dark as a thundercloud.

Shit.

"Hey," she said. "How ya doing?"

"How do you think I'm doing?" he grumbled.

Bored out of your mind, she thought. And scared, too, probably.

"I'm sorry I'm late," she told him. And she was, a little bit, a little sorry she'd kept him waiting, but that was the job. She wasn't used to having to worry about someone else when she went out for the day, wasn't used to having to answer to anyone. Not since she'd lost Ed.

"I know how it goes," he said. Stabler was a cop, too, just like Ed. He'd spent his whole career making the same kind of excuses Olivia had to make herself; he'd understand. Still seemed like he was pretty mad, though.

"And it's not like I've got anywhere to be," he continued bitterly. "Sitting around waiting for you's the only thing on my to-do list. And tomorrow's more of the same."

"It's not like that's my fault," she fired back. She was doing this guy a favor - and she still didn't know why really, couldn't really explain why she'd decided to look after him, when he was so full of impossible stories and with a shitty attitude to boot - and she didn't appreciate him taking his ire out on her.

"Nah, I know that," he said. "How was your day, Liv?"

"Olivia," she corrected him absently. The car was moving now; she'd pulled away from the curb once he buckled his seatbelt, was now driving towards home.

"Olivia," he agreed heavily. "How was your day, Olivia?"

"Fine," she answered. Just that one word, fine. It had been a little weird, actually. Not the work part, that was pretty normal, but the rest of it. The second she walked through the bullpen that morning Fin had cornered her, demanded to know what she'd done with Stabler the night before, looked at her like she was out of her mind when she told him the truth. Maybe she was out of her mind; maybe Stabler was crazy, and maybe he'd taken her with him. That was just the start of the weirdness for the day, though.

"You don't gotta tell me," Stabler said, a little moodily. "I know how it is, not wanting to talk about work. Especially not to some crazy guy you just met who hasn't had a shower in a few days."

He was starting to smell a little ripe.

"About that," she told him. "I got some stuff for you in the backseat. Some clothes that should fit you and a prepaid phone."

If he was gonna stay with her another day or two, at least until the DNA results came back, she wanted to be able to reach him. It wasn't anything fancy, just a cheap little flip phone with a few hundred minutes on it, but it'd do the job.

"Thank you," he said. "I appreciate it. Even though I hate you spending money on me."

It wasn't like they had another choice, though. Stabler was dead, technically, and he didn't have a penny to his name, and the clothes he wore, the food he ate, it all had to come from somewhere. Olivia didn't intend to support him indefinitely, but for right now, the next few days, she was determined to do what she could to see that he was taken care of.

"If it makes you feel better, I didn't spend any money on it."

Stabler looked at her sharply, confused.

"You said something yesterday that gave me an idea. I called in a favor. They're Cassidy's clothes. He says he doesn't need 'em back."

That was the really weird thing about her day. Seeing Brian Cassidy again, for the first time in three years. For the first time since Ed's funeral. The years hadn't been kind to him; he looked haggard now, thinner than he had been, but his eyes were clear and his shoulders were straighter now that he'd left the NYPD for good. Cassidy had settled down, found himself a quieter life, and he'd told her he was happy about that. She didn't believe him, but she'd told him she was happy for him, just the same. It was Cassidy who'd bought the burner phone; let me help, he'd told her, and she had, for old times' sake.

"Brian Cassidy," Stabler said ruefully. "I haven't seen him in twenty years. More than twenty. Liv told me she was still in touch with him. But I guess you don't see much of him these days?"

"No. He didn't take it well when I got married. He wasn't…he didn't like my husband much."

"Yeah, I gotta tell you, I didn't either."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?" she demanded, feeling suddenly afraid. The conversations they'd had the night before were a little hazy to her now, but she was pretty sure she hadn't told him anything specific about Ed, pretty sure he'd said that his Liv hadn't told him anything specific, either. So what did that mean I didn't either? How did he know?

"I spent some time online today, looked up people I know. Found out you were married to Ed Tucker. He and I…I gotta tell you, Olivia, he was a mean son of a bitch, and I never liked him."

To tell the truth Olivia hadn't liked him much herself when they first met. No one did. It had taken them time to warm up to each other, time for them to see the good in one another, but once they had, she'd loved him. Loved him for his steadfast support, his quiet courage, his warm hands. Loved him for the unbending streak of goodness that ran right through the center of him, his unfailing moral compass. Sometimes that made him seem inflexible, or heartless, but as she'd gotten to know him she'd gotten to know his heart, too. They'd worked, for a time. It had worked, the two of them together, until Ed left her, just like everybody else always seemed to.

"Not a lot of people did," she said, trying not to get defensive. Or, not too defensive. "You had to get to know him."

"Don't know how you managed that. Because my Liv, she hated his guts."

"But she loved him, too, didn't she? She told you she loved Ed."

"Yeah, she did. Maybe one day you can tell me how that happened."

"But not today?"

"Not today," he said firmly. "Today I wanna go right on hating him."

Maybe Ed wasn't the only mean son of a bitch; Stabler had a stubborn streak running through him, too. It made Olivia smile though, despite herself. She'd always had a soft spot for a man as angry, as stubborn, as determined as she was.

"What else did you find out today?" she asked. If he'd learned about Ed, it stood to reason he'd done some digging into her background, and she didn't like the idea of that too much. It felt invasive, somehow; even if everything he saw was public record he'd still decided to find out more about her, not by asking her, not by waiting to see what she was willing to tell him, but by going in search of answers on his own. Whatever he'd learned, it would only be part of the truth, but which part? There were some things she really, really didn't want him to know.

Beside her Stabler fell quiet, staring out the window, maybe trying to gather his thoughts, trying to decide how to respond, and she didn't like that, either. What would he say out loud, and what secrets would he keep for himself?

"My wife got married," he said after a time. "Gotta tell you, that doesn't feel too good."

"No, I bet it doesn't."

She'd have been pissed, if she found out Ed had left her and married someone else. What was hers was hers, always; she never did like to let things go. She'd felt that pull earlier in the day, with Cassidy, had seen his face for the first time in years and thought mine, still. Maybe she always would, even if she never let him touch her again.

"Kids look like they're doing good. It's all…it's all wrong, though. Eli's not here and that's wrong."

"I'm sorry." It was all she could think of to say. There was no guidebook for this, no easy way to comfort a man who'd found himself in a parallel universe where one of his children had never existed.

"Nothing we can do about it now."

"No, I guess there isn't."

The rest of the drive was quiet. Stabler was just staring out the window, brooding, and Olivia was just driving, an awkward, uncomfortable feeling itching between her shoulder blades. Sometimes Stabler was easy to talk to; sometimes it felt like was telling the truth, like she'd known him all her life. But sometimes, like now, it felt impossible. To bridge the divide between them, to find some understanding. She couldn't decide if she believed him or not, and as familiar as he seemed to be with her she knew nothing about him, not really. What would set him off, make him angry or sad, how to make him laugh, what would bring him peace; she didn't know any of it. And she was afraid, just a little, of what might happen if she did.

Stabler loved his Liv. Bought her a necklace, talked about helping her find her way, admitted it to Olivia in her kitchen the night before. He loved a woman who wore her face, her name, who walked in her shoes, but that woman was not her, and however confusing Stabler's feelings must have been right now she needed him to remember that. To remember that she was not the one he loved.

When they finally reached her apartment Olivia pulled the duffel bag from the backseat and handed it off to Stabler. A few shirts, some pants, some underwear, an old grey hoodie, and a phone, all courtesy of Brian, enough to get Stabler through the next few days. He could keep the bag, take it with him when he left - if he left. Surely he'd have to sometime, even if Olivia didn't know where he'd go. He could keep the necklace in the bag, if he didn't want to keep carrying it around in his pocket. Maybe he liked having it close, though.

"Can I ask you something?" he said as the made their way towards the elevators.

"Sure."

"This apartment. Liv had the same one, years ago. It's where she was living when I left, but she's moved at least twice since then. Why are you still here? You're making more money on a Captain's salary, you can afford somewhere better."

Because I didn't want to let him win, she thought darkly. A cloud seemed to settle over her heart, and her hand shook as she pressed the button for her floor.

"Guess I just don't like change."

But his Liv did. His Liv had moved. That made Olivia wonder, about all the things that were the same and all the things that were different between their two worlds. Had his Liv ever met William Lewis? If she had, did she actually work with the shrink after, instead of stopping therapy the second the sessions were no longer mandatory? Did Liv listen to all the helpful advice, did she take it? Did she let Brian take care of her the way he'd so desperately wanted to?

Olivia hadn't done any of those things. She'd bullshitted her way through her sessions with Lindstrom and gotten back on the horse the first opportunity she got, and she'd stayed in that same goddamn apartment, even though she hated it, because she'd rather fight with a ghost every night for the rest of her life than admit that she still saw him in the corner of her bedroom sometimes. Ed had hated the apartment, had moved in there with her because he loved her but tried like hell to convince her to leave it behind. She might have done it, for him. If they'd had just a little bit more time, he might have talked her into it. But they didn't have more time, and now Ed's ghost was there, too, and she wasn't gonna go somewhere else, somewhere without him. The ghosts kept her company.

"Sounds about right," Stabler said, and let the matter drop.

They stepped off the elevator together, and made their way down the hall, towards her home, towards another night, spent together.