"Yeah, I have to pee and sleep like anyone else."
Rachel plopped into the chair across from him.
"So? Phoebe and you make up yet?" Joey asked, and he began stuffing his face.
"Yeah, but then we blew it."
"Both of you? How's that?"
"Well," Rachel sighed, "She brought up the whole Mike thing, and I kinda told her we all knew already."
"All? You're aware I didn't know until she told me herself, right?"
"I...know that now."
"Great." Joey wiped his hands with a napkin. "She'll probably ditch me tonight."
"Things were getting serious, huh?"
"Yeah, I mean, I thought so. I mean, I always thought we'd wind up together; just...a long time ago. And I'm not even sure I know what together means anymore."
Rachel began digging in her purse, until she pulled out a picture of all six friends, posing at Central Perk so long ago. She slid it over to him. "That's what it looks like."
Joey stared at the picture, until her words caught his attention. "Ross wants to move back to New York."
Joey nodded and pressed his lips together.
"Joe, honey, what's wrong?"
Joey looked up and shrugged. "Chandler wants to stay here. Somethin' Phoebe told 'im," he continued. "About retirin'."
"Retiring? He's only forty-seven!"
"Yeah, and look at 'im. He looks old. Phoebe thinks they should stay here awhile, get away from the city."
Rachel's eyes never left his. "How long are the tickets valid?"
"A week."
Rachel dug out her phone, dialed and waited a few seconds. "Hi, Chandler. Listen, I was just talking to Joey here, and he says you want to stay in Paris! ...Well, suit yourself, but Ross and I are considering moving back to New York. ...That's right. ...Okay, you go ahead and do that. ...'Bye." She disconnected and smiled. "They're going to talk about it."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. After their 'big day'."
"What're you talkin' about?"
"Oh, they're doing everything. They're going to the museum, the Effel tower, then dinner on the beach..."
Joey raised his brows. "I thought she was dating me."
"They're not dating! Right now they're just...compatible."
"Bless you. You comin' down with somethin'?"
His simplicity made her smile. "No, it means they're enjoying one another's company. You know? He's off taking advantage of this vacation, and she can't...stand to look at me. So they're hotel roomies, enjoying Paris together, probably talking smack about me."
"Why would they do that?"
"Well...Okay, how would you feel if all of your friends knew your wife was cheating on you, but you were the last to know?"
They sat in silence for a few moments, each considering how Phoebe might feel.
"Boy." Joey dropped his crust and wiped his mouth with his fingers, though there were napkins before him. "We should get 'er a gift or somethin'."
"Like what, Joe, flowers and candy?"
"Candy?" Joey repeated. "No, she's a vegetarian."
Rachel's brows rose and she stared at him. "Vegetarians just avoid meat. They can enjoy desserts just like you."
Joey considered. "Okay, so flowers and candy."
Rachel gave him a big smile.
-0-0-0-0-
About an hour later Ross, Monica, Joey and Rachel walked into the hotel lobby. "Rach," Joey said, and handed her the gifts. "I'll let you hold 'em; you're the one she's maddest at."
"That's very sweet of you."
The foursome stopped at the desk. The clerk looked up at them from behind thick bifocals. "You want a room?"
"No, we're wondering if our friends are here. Chandler Bing and Phoebe Buffay," Ross said.
"I'm actually Chandler's wife," Monica added for good measure. "I have a copy of the con - "
"Room 17, hall C."
"Hall C?" Monica repeated. The clerk pointed, and the friends turned to see three hallways, each one labelled.
"Cool!" Joey exclaimed, and followed the other three down the hall furthest from them. "They need this at our place; I still get lost."
"They don't need this at our place," Monica scoffed.
"Why?"
"Because there's only - one - hall!" she shouted.
In their suite, Chandler lifted his head and Phoebe turned away from the mirror, holding her hair up with her hand. "Was that Monica?"
"Yup," Chandler answered. He stood and made his way to the door. There he stood, staring down at his watch. Waiting nine seconds, he pulled the door open. There stood Monica, hand poised to knock. She smiled at him, lowering her hand and checking him for a bag.
"Did you know I was here?"
"The people across the street inside their own homes know you're here," Chandler told her.
"Sorry."
"Is Phoebe here?" Rachel jumped in.
"Tell her no," Phoebe's voice drifted softly across the room.
Chandler rolled his eyes and walked further into the room, and the other four came in. "Phoebe," Rachel said, "I'm very sorry Mike cheated on you."
Phoebe just looked at her.
"And I'm sorry I didn't tell you. We-we didn't tell you," she corrected.
Still nothing from Phoebe but that offended look on her face.
"And that I spent all that money. But I returned the watch and got rid several other big expenses!"
"How you live your life to make it better by pampering your superficial ass is...really none of my business," Phoebe answered.
"Well, we felt bad, so we got you these." Rachel held out the apology gifts.
Phoebe's eyes locked caustically with the bouquet. "Why would you do that?"
"Um, to show you we're sorry," Monica said.
"So, you ripped them from their homes, and shortened their life span to three days," Phoebe answered. "How is that a gesture of kindness?"
Rachel winced, plucking fretfully at the cellophane. "Oh, that's right, you're sensitive."
"Yeah, well, you're not; you're...insensitive!"
The friends watched tensely.
"Did you actually forget I care about living things?" Phoebe went on. "Why couldn't you get me fake flowers?"
"Alright, you seem to be blaming me. Let's get something straight, I bought them at the store. I didn't rip or shorten anything, okay, somebody else did."
"But your investment endorsed it."
Rachel clenched her jaw, then turned and slapped the bouquet into Ross' chest before walking out of the room. Joey began to breathe again.
"So you don't accept her apology?" Ross asked.
"All this time apart was good for me. I see now, we're too different," Phoebe shrugged. "She's just...too insensitive."
"She didn't mean to be," Ross told her.
"Really? So you think, what, she's a whole new person? She's going to sell her house, buy something less fancy and more practical?"
Ross couldn't answer.
"Alright, let me ask you this. Is Emma going to college because her parents saved up?"
"No, she got a scholarship," Ross answered.
"Yeah, I figured."
Ross looked down at the bouquet. "Sorry, Pheebs. I'll, uh, see you later." He turned and walked dejectedly out of the room.
Joey looked at his three remaining friends. "This vacation sucks."