Author's Note: I had fun sitting in a café in Edinburgh writing the sorting hat song, and of course it was a very fitting place to do it. Actually, this whole chapter was fun to write.

Content Warning: Coarse language.

CHAPTER 5

Train Round the Bend

JAMES

The train passed rolling hills dotted with sheep, pastures with grazing cows, enclosures with horses tossing their manes, and fields plagued by crows. Forests would rise up then recede just as suddenly, the trees already bearing the early signs of the change from summer to autumn. Here and there the train would rattle over streams and brooks that burbled merrily even as their surfaces reflected the dull grey sky.

It was a little past the halfway mark of the journey, and the compartment was littered in a chaos of sweets wrappers that radiated out from Pete's spot on the seat beside me. There was a smudge of chocolate on one side of his mouth that none of us had felt the need to inform him of quite yet, and he was currently messing about with a packet of crisps that was thus far resisting his attempts to open it.

Daisy gave a sigh, saying something about it being time to get changed into her robes before there was a rush for the toilets with other students doing the same. She reached up and began struggling with the trunk in the overhead rack, standing on tiptoes and stretching as she did so. I glanced over, then found myself admiring the way her waist tapered inward, then curved out at the hips, and the way her jeans accentuated the roundness of her bum. Then I realized that I wasn't the only one who had noticed. For, while Pete was clearly still occupied with trying to tear open his packet of crisps, Sirius's eyes were riveted to Daisy's arse and the exposed skin of her midriff. I felt a sudden desire to smack the pleased expression right off his stupid face. Then I found myself wondering why I cared.

Daisy was cursing under her breath as she continued to struggle, and I found her breathy utterances combined with the image of her bare lower back just above the tight jeans to be a little arousing.

"Shit," I muttered, grabbing the nearest item I could find and placing it over my lap. It happened to be the book Remus had left on the seat. I opened it to a random page and pretended to be reading it.

"What was that?" Pete asked, looking up from the crisps he had successfully opened.

"Hm? Oh, nothing," I said casually, glancing up briefly. I could tell by the devilish glint in Sirius's eyes, however, that I hadn't been as subtle as I'd hoped.

"Hey, let me have a look at that book," Sirius said, clearly fighting to keep a grin off his face, and failing magnificently. Daisy had succeeded in pulling her robes out of her trunk and turned back around.

"Get your own book," I said.

"I'm surprised you're reading that one," Sirius said. "I heard it's very…hard."

"No, it's great," I said, glaring at him. "I happen to be very interested in…the comparative methods of potion brewing and muggle chemistry." I cleared my throat and aimed a serious expression at the open book.

"Oh, I'm sure it's fascinating," Sirius said. "It seems to have really excited you." His voice was dripping with mirth. Pete was looking from Sirius to me, to the book on my lap, and back again, popping crisps into his mouth. Daisy was wearing an expression of confusion.

"It's very informative," I agreed.

"Oh, I bet. It's a very thick book. A lot to wrap your head around. Or your hand for that matter. In fact, it looks like you'd need two hands."

Pete's face was now very amused, and he looked back and forth between the two of us, crunching away as though he were sitting in the cinema with a bucket of popcorn. Daisy appeared to have given up on understanding the japes of fifteen-year-old boys and was sorting through the items in her hands to make sure she had everything. I took the opportunity to shoot Sirius a truly hideous look, which only encouraged him.

"Come on, let me have a look," he said, leaning across the compartment to make a grab for the book. "I'd love to see how much of that juicy knowledge I can get in me." Pete made a choking sound and started spluttering, spraying bits of soggy, chewed-up crisps all over the compartment. "Oh, looks like Pete's taken in all the knowledge he can handle."

"Oh, gross," Daisy said, brushing herself off. "I'm going to go change. You guys have fun with your rousing discussion."

Sirius and Pete made eye-contact, then both exploded into laughter. Daisy rolled her eyes as she left the compartment. I leaned back in my seat and sighed.

"Well, James, you look like you could use a stiff one," Sirius said, wiping a tear from his cheek.

"Oh, fuck off," I said, throwing the book at him, which he expertly dodged.

"Hey, why are you tossing my stuff around?" Remus asked as he came through the door.

"Oh, James was just using it as a shelter," Sirius said. "For his tent." He and Pete started laughing all over again. Remus bent to collect his book, then sat down and gave me a questioning look. I just shook my head.

"We're nearly there, you should get changed," Remus said. He was already wearing his robes, his shiny new Prefect's badge pinned to the front.

The train pulled into the station and we joined the throng of students shoving their way through the corridors to alight on the platform. I was impatient to get out of there myself. No matter how comfortable the train, and no matter how stunning the views out the window, it was still a long time to be confined to a limited space. Besides, I was ready for another casual encounter with a certain Prefect, one in which Snivellus wouldn't interfere and make me look bad.

I craned my neck to look over the heads of the students in the packed corridors as we shuffled through the train, looking for that tell-tale flash of red hair. I could only see boring black, brown, and blonde heads though. It wasn't like she was the only redhead in Hogwarts, but there was something about her that stood out like no one else. There was a kind of radiance in the tones of her copper-red hair, and she never wore it in an updo or plaits or anything, it always hung long and straight and smooth. She never wore a fringe, or parted it differently, and she never curled it or made it go in waves.

There was something reassuring about that kind of consistency. It was the same kind of consistency with which she spurned my advances, which both infuriated and entranced me. Ever since the first time she had rebuffed me, I just hadn't been able to get her off my mind for long. No other girl had ever shut me down so firmly. At first, it had become a personal goal to win her over, then, the more she resisted and the harder I tried, it soon grew into a fixation. It was maddening. She was maddening. The fact that she grew more and more beautiful with each new school year made it even worse.

We finally spilled out of the train into fresh air and daylight, though the sky was quite overcast and grey. I was still looking around, distracted, when I felt a tug at my arm and I was pulled out of the midst of the other students and over to one of the waiting horseless carriages.

"Oi, why must you be so rough with me?" I asked, looking over to see Remus releasing me from his grip.

"What can I say, you bring out the animal in me," he replied with a wink.

"Get in you poofs, I'm hungry!" Sirius yelled from inside the carriage where he, Pete, and Daisy were already seated. Remus and I joined them and the carriage lurched into motion the second we had closed the door behind us.

"Well, aren't you going to ask about Lily?" Remus said.

"Oh, yes, fellow Prefects you two," I said. "Ran into her on the train. Did she ask about me?"

"No, James, she didn't," Remus said bluntly. "You know she didn't."

"I hoped she had," I said in an exaggeratedly melancholy tone.

"Yes, we all know that," Daisy said.

"You're all just jealous that I've found love," I said, leaning back in my seat and putting my hands behind my head.

"Yeah, love," Sirius said, his eyebrows shooting skyward.

"You cynical bastards." I shook my head at them all.

The carriage travelled through the cobblestone streets of Hogsmeade, with its low buildings arranged almost haphazardly along either side. The carriages wound their way back and forth as the street curved in a serpentine fashion. There was the sound of hooves clattering on stone, though of course no horses could be seen to pull the carriages. We then passed through the high wrought iron gates that separated the town from the schoolgrounds. The path continued along, cutting through a grassy expanse that sloped steadily upwards until the peaks and turrets of the castle came into sight.

I was always filled with an overwhelming surge of pride when I caught my first glimpse of the castle each year. It felt somehow like it existed just for me; it was special because it was my place, not the other way around. Everyone else was just visiting, but me, I belonged here like no one else ever had, or ever would.

A chill had descended, and the occupants of the carriages wasted no time getting inside the castle. Students streamed through the grand front entrance whose doors stood welcomingly open, and into the great hall where they divided naturally to seat themselves at one of four long wooden tables that ran parallel to each other. Sirius, Remus, Daisy, Pete, and I sat near the middle of the Gryffindor table and proceeded to look around, seeking out friends from our house, as well as others seated at other house tables. I spotted Evans laughing with Alice Wood and Mary Macdonald, but she ignored my attempts to catch her eye.

"You think she buys her robes a size too small, or magically shrinks them?" Sirius murmured in my ear, staring towards the other end of the table. I followed his gaze and had no doubt he was referring to the sight of Tracy Jennings's cleavage nearly bursting out of her school uniform.

"Ah, therein lies the tantalizing mystery," I said, taking my glasses off and cleaning them on the front of my robes, then replacing them on my face.

The high oak doors opened inwards slowly and dramatically, and in strode the tall figure of Professor McGonagall, the stern Transfiguration teacher. Behind her, the first years followed in double file, looking around the great hall at the tables full of students, and looking up at the artificial sky above them, reflecting the cloudy night sky outside, where it had just begun to rain.

When McGonagall reached the front of the hall, she turned and stood with her hands clasped in front of her, looking down on the new students with a serious expression. As soon as the students had all stopped, Professor McGonagall pulled her wand from the pocket of her robes and made an elegant motion to her side. A wooden stool and an old, many-patched hat appeared a few feet to her left. In her hand there appeared a roll of parchment.

The eyes of the first years flicked curiously between the witch and the hat, and every one of them jumped in surprise when the rip in the brim of the hat opened and a deep voice burst into song:

"Time and time again I've sung

of how Hogwarts was begun.

I speak of all the qualities

that would make the founders pleased.

Slytherin and Gryffindor,

Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw,

most cunning, most courageous,

most kind and good, or cleverest.

The four had their differences,

that's what the record says,

but none more so than Slytherin,

who claimed we shouldn't let some in.

For purity of blood was what

Salazar valued, but

the other three did disagree

and held no stock in family trees.

So then there was an awful row,

it ended, though we know not how

and to this day there do remain

those who fervently do claim

that some are superior

because their blood is pure.

And for this reason they believe

that they are given leave

to murder and to terrorize

but pray, don't heed their lies

for it matters not from where you

come, it matters what you do.

And so I ask you to be brave,

kind and clever, and to crave

unity and peace above it all

for to let hate win, would mean our fall."

There was a tangible silence throughout the great hall which lasted for at least two full minutes and eventually bled into a low murmur and a series of shuffling sounds from every table. The first years stood awkwardly, looking around at the students and teachers, waiting for something to happen. Professor McGonagall, who stood just behind the stool that the hat perched on, was very uncharacteristically neglecting her duty. She wore a sad expression that was frozen stiff on her face, and her eyes seemed to gaze out far beyond the walls of the castle.

Somebody at the staff table cleared their throat politely which seemed to jerk her out of her reverie. She drew in a breath and blinked, then looked around at the expectant faces in front of her.

"Right," she said, remembering the list in her hands and unfurling it. "When I call your name, step up to the stool and I shall put the hat on your head and you will be sorted into one of four houses as the hat…described. Bannister, Lisa."

A small girl with wavy blonde hair stepped forward, her face turning pink. McGonagall removed the hat from the stool and gestured for her to take its place. As soon as she did so, McGonagall placed the hat on her head, where it fell all the way to the top of her shoulders.

There was a moment or two of deliberation, then the rip in the hat opened up and boomed out "Gryffindor!" in a voice so sudden and loud that it made many people jump, especially the girl. McGonagall pulled the hat off her and directed her to the Gryffindor table, where a cheer was already going up.

When the last student had been sorted and seated, Professor McGonagall gave a wave of her wand, making hat, stool, and list vanish instantly. She made her way to the staff table where she took a seat beside the headmaster, who sat in the highbacked chair at the very centre of the long table.

Then the headmaster rose to his full impressive height, his long silver hair and beard extending down out of sight below the table. The robes he wore bore a swirling pattern of lavender and apple green, with stylized flowers here and there. There were matching charms adorning his hair and beard, glittering in the same hues. His blue eyes twinkled out from behind half-moon spectacles. He placed the tops of his long fingers on the surface of the table and looked out at the great hall.

"To those of you who know me, this introduction will be superfluous. But to those of you who do not know me, or who may have conveniently forgotten; my name is Albus Dumbledore. I have had the pleasure to be headmaster here at Hogwarts for nine years now, and hope to continue to have this pleasure for many years to come. But I will leave it at that for now as I can hear many a tummy grumbling for want of food. And so, I will say only this: bon appetit!" He sat back down with a pleasant smile. As he did so, a gasp of wonder and delight came up from the seated students as the tables were miraculously filled with platters heaped with the most delicious-looking and -smelling food imaginable.

The entire room was suddenly filled with the maddening, delectable scent of fresh gravy. My mouth was watering as my eyes took it all in, then my hands began to move of their own accord. Before I knew it, I had filled my plate and still had hardly scratched the surface of my desires.

Inevitably, I encountered the problem I encountered at every Hogwarts feast; I was getting full and they hadn't even put out the dessert yet. I tried to slow down, and looked around the table as I did so. Sirius practically had his face in his plate as he wielded fork and knife in a most ungentlemanly way, shovelling indiscriminately with both utensils. Pete, meanwhile, seemed to have entirely discarded his cutlery and was depositing food into his mouth with his hands, looking very much like a hamster filling his cheeks. It was almost absurd then, to look over at Daisy, who was straight-backed and methodical, holding her fork in a most delicate manner as she speared a neatly-cut morsel and put it in her mouth.

"You're such an animal," I said to Daisy, shaking my head in shame.

"Well, if I'm not already, I will be tonight," Daisy said in a low voice.

"Oh? What are you doing tonight?" Larry Hooper asked from beside Daisy.

"Your Aunt Gertrude," I shot back. Hooper gave me a glare. "Sorry, mate, she was the only one the agency would send over on such short notice."

Hooper made an obscene gesture at me across the table but he took the hint and went back to his own conversation with Roger Langley. Daisy was laughing into a napkin. Remus, on Daisy's other side, leaned over the table towards me.

"Is his aunt's name really Gertrude?" he asked.

"Not sure," I replied. "He seemed so offended though, it might be!"

At length, the food vanished from the table to be replaced in short order by the most decadent selection of cakes and puddings and pastries and bonbons, accompanied by steaming carafes of tea and hot chocolate and coffee. I spotted a look of horror on Pete's face as he realized he had stuffed himself and left no room for pudding. This didn't stop him from filling a fresh plate, though.

I observed Daisy stacking tarts and cakes and pastries delicately on her plate. I wanted to wave my wand and send them all flying. Instead, I used my wand to surreptitiously float petits-fours off of the plate that Eugene Weatherby was filling without looking. The small cakes marched one after the other through the air behind the backs of Nathan Morris, Andre Elmerson, Marlene McKinnon, and Evelyn Lockwood to land on the plate in front of me. Marlene and Evelyn giggled as they watched the procession. Eugene frowned down at his plate, seeming to have thought it full, only to find half as many cakes as he had picked. He looked away again and began to place more cakes on his unattended plate.

I gave my wand another wave, winking at Evelyn as I did so, and the cakes began to migrate again. They moved with such jauntiness that I could almost imagine them in top hats, doing high kicks, like a line of chorus girls. Marlene's chestnut curls bobbed with laughter as Eugene's face displayed a dumbfounded expression as he again looked down to find a half-empty plate. The last of the chorus line had just disappeared behind Nathan, and Eugene looked around in confusion. His eyes narrowed as they landed on the girls, still struggling to contain their laughter.

The cakes were delicious. I ate them innocently, facing away from Eugene as I listened to him interrogate Evelyn and Marlene. He was getting rather worked up about some little cakes. Marlene caught my eye and gave me a pleading look, as if imploring me to intervene as Eugene continued to interrogate her huffily. But that wasn't my problem.

"It was James!" I heard Marlene say. That bitch.

"Oi, Potter!" This was Eugene. He was even standing up. Brilliant.

"Gene!" I said. "Gene Genie, my dearest friend." This made him glare even harder. A couple years ago David Bowie came out with that song "The Jean Genie." Which was fine for Eugene, he's a pureblood and would never have known the song existed. If it weren't for me and the lads, that is. Suffice it to say, he's been a bit sore with me since then. But he could always do with a reminder, in my opinion. It is mad fun to sing it at him and watch his face go through twelve different shades of red.

The food consumption was beginning to slow down as the dinner and dessert caught up with everyone. There were still some valiant souls powering through, Pete among them, to get as much of the decadent welcome back feast desserts into them as possible. Most of the girls had given up long ago, but I spotted one Ravenclaw third-year, who was nearly the size of a Hippogriff already, still going strong.

Daisy had given up long ago, but there was still a smudge of chocolate on her face, seemingly just out of reach of the napkin she had been using to dab at her mouth. I decided I wouldn't tell her about it. Maybe it would still be there tomorrow. Pete was now alternating between glancing up at the staff table and shoving sweets and pastries into the pockets of his robes. He must have expected for the food to vanish off the tables at any moment.

His instincts were correct, as they often were when it came to food. He had just grabbed a muffin from a nearly empty platter, when the platter vanished, along with everything else on the table. The other tables were similarly voided of food and dishes.

Sirius groaned and leaned back, patting his belly. There was no back to his seat though, so he nearly leaned too far and tumbled over backwards. He righted himself by gripping Pete with one arm, and third year Rosanna Linwood with the other. As neither of them was very sturdy, Sirius nearly took them both with him. I could hear them both squeaking with protest even as Professor Dumbledore stood and raised his arms for silence.

A hush descended on the great hall, but for the bickering and exclamations of distress as Sirius, Pete, and Rosanna struggled together. It looked to me as though Sirius was making no real effort to regain his balance, but was merely swaying back and forth to ensure that neither Pete nor Rosanna had any control over the situation. They were making such a commotion in the now quiet great hall that everyone was watching them, especially the staff members. Whereas Professor Dumbledore's mouth was clearly quirked up in a smile beneath his beard, most of the other faculty (McGonagall chief among them) wore severely unimpressed expressions.

Dumbledore made a magnificently dramatic gesture with his voluminous sleeves, wherein his wand was evidently concealed, and the three students were swept backwards where they fell onto a cushion of air that gently lowered them to the floor. Dumbledore made a polite noise in the back of his throat while Sirius, Pete, and Rosanna (the latter two blushing madly while Sirius laughed openly) righted themselves and sat back down.

"Well, now that we have settled," Dumbledore said pleasantly, "I'd like to go over a few things."

He began to list off all sorts of "rules" that, if broken, would result in "instant expulsion," and other such nonsense. Half the forbidden stuff listed, we'd already done anyway. The other half, we were planning on doing this year. As he spoke, Sirius looked over at me smugly. He then grinned over at Remus, who rolled his eyes, but I could tell he was pleased. Pete's face was still red. Not from embarrassment though; Sirius had thrown his arm around Pete's neck, and he looked like he might be having trouble breathing. Daisy was just looking innocent, as if she had never done wrong in her life. Which we all know is just plain untrue.

"And lastly," Dumbledore said, "I would like to advise each and every one of you to be cautious, in light of these troubling times. Take care with whom you trust, but most especially, take care with yourself. You are here to grow and develop; you are the next generation of witches and wizards who will go out and influence the wizarding world. Think critically about who you would like to become. I hope you choose to become someone you can be proud of."

He held us collectively with his gaze, which is rather impressive considering just how many students were seated in the great hall. Still, there wasn't a doubt in my mind that he had somehow met each and every set of eyes before him.

Then, everyone started moving, and the Prefects, including Remus, stood up and began calling to the first-years to assemble in an orderly queue. I became caught up in the motion of the crowd, and found myself being carried out of the great hall on the momentum of the students who had eaten their fill and wanted nothing more than to find their way to their beds. Even I was yawning, looking forward to the sea of red velvet that I would dive into tonight.

"Hey, wake up," Sirius hissed, poking me sharply in the back. "We've still got work to do, and thanks to Remus being a silly little Prefect now, we'll have to wait a bit."

We followed the first years, nudging them along every now and then with a light jolt of electricity from our wands, or by conjuring up fake spiders to terrorize them. All in good humour of course. Still, it was very amusing. Until I noticed Lily glaring at me over the tops of their wee heads, then I stopped. Sirius didn't, but I did. She didn't even give me credit for it, though.

The walk up the winding stairs and passages was so familiar I could do it in my sleep, and I practically did, I was so tired. We staggered into the Gryffindor common room after the line of first years, and shoved past them to sit in front of the fireplace. It would be easier to stay awake if we remained out of sight of those downy soft beds with the fluffy pillows and duvets that felt like being surrounded by clouds. I don't know why they decided to make the beds so comfortable and then expect students to be able to get out of them in the mornings in time for class.

Sirius was slouched in his seat, looking about as drowsy as I felt. Pete was sitting next to him, but he looked uncomfortable. He was perched awkwardly on the edge of the sofa, nervously twisting a bit of his robes in his hands. He was probably thinking of everything that could go wrong tonight. You could always count on Pete to consider all the angles. The negative angles. Which were some crucial angles to consider, considering neither Sirius nor I considered them. Considerate of him to be so negative, if you really think about it.

Daisy was curled up in an armchair to my right, trying to find a good spot to rest her elbow. Once she had done this, she began testing whether she could rest her head on her hand without her elbow sliding off said spot. She gave up eventually and just folded her arms, then she saw me watching her and smiled.

I leaned back into my seat, trying not to get too comfortable, but the heat from the fire was so soothing. I could hear Remus and Evans giving directions to the first-years before they showed them to their dorms. Below that, I could hear the low murmur of greetings and conversations kept intentionally brief as the prevailing mood was that of fatigue.

Hurry up, I thought at them all, I can't keep my eyes open much longer.