He took another sigh and sipped from the glass. At least it was never truly a lie. Not in the sense that there was nothing. She had obviously felt something for him, laughed with him, made memories with him, made him feel full of life and confident during his lows of lows. She bore remorse for her actions; she told him so. But when all was said and done none of that ever mattered. She still chose to continue her path of becoming a Dark Lord and he knew there was no option for him but to stop her. It almost made him feel even worse, as if at any point in time, during their passionate dalliances, that there was an opportunity for him to stop her, for him to correct course and for them to be just a normal couple, doing things that couples should do.

Then again, he reminisced, it wasn't entirely healthy. All throughout their romances, he was being slowly pulled away from his friends — Scorpius, oh Scorpius! - and his family too. Perhaps it was a glaring warning that, subliminally, he barely brought her to any family gatherings or hangouts. Then again, he was always far too consumed with work outside of her. Back in the day, it was all the Auror's, Delphi, the Auror's Delphi….

No it wasn't a lie, but he was still played, manipulated, moulded, twisted… But did it matter?

There will always be a corner of his heart that still loved; and another one that hated the fact that he met her.

Practicing hexes and complex spells usually did its job in dispelling his mind from such turbulent and intrusive thoughts, Al mused as he transfigured a pile of rocks into an Orchestra that played hypnotizing, sleep-inducing music, and then transfigured it back. It was an interesting twist he placed on the Siren's Call, a spell colloquially named after the mystical creatures whose music were deadly. Alas, it was to little effect. His mind wandered back to her time and time again.

It had been what? Almost 8 year? Almost 8 years since he ended Delphi's life and became Europe's most wanted criminal. And for what?

Potter's Son Gone Rogue, they had said. It was all because of her. Yet it was easier for him to hate her than to love her again, to learn that, to some extent, she had indeed loved him back. Not as much as he did, not as much to stop doing what she did, to change for them and their future. But still. He was trapped in a cycle of hurt, confusion, rage, self-pity, regret and then release, only to relapse into the whirlwind again.

He resisted the urge to incinerate a rock before him with dark, cackling Fiendfyre for only a brief moment before giving into the rage again and within moments it was dust.

"Why didn't you just tell me… Why didn't you just work it all through with me…" He would have been content to kill them all, the Rowles, the Son's of Walpurgis, all for her, to defy authority and family and lie about the truth, all for her. But she wasn't willing to do it for him.

He was willing to move heaven and earth for her, but to her he was merely someone who loved her. It was sweet, yet bitter sweet. Just because he knew it wasn't meant to be, nor meant to last, didn't make it an easier. The wounds were opening again, despite all his endeavors, and the ghost of her reassurance.

In the end, she had her peace and passed away to the afterlife, leaving him still alive, hurt and wondering just when or if he would ever be okay gain.

~X~

He had elected to take two weeks off after much thought. For days and nights he could feel the stress, the anxiety, the unbearable tenseness of things… All that information, all that guilt, all that unease, for the first time in ages, Neil Nott felt that he was failing his job again. What made him feel even worse was that this time, it seemed as if everyone else was doing just fine. He had to go to his day job time and time again, day in and day out, say hi to everybody else and keep doing his job.

It had been ages since he properly stayed over at his parents' place, the manor he grew up in and, much as he was slightly embarrassed to admit, he did indeed miss the both of them. Lawrence too, although Lawrence was still in America.

"Rough time at work?" His mother, Evangeline Rosier, inquired as she poured him some tea.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I feel like I'm doing a terrible job but it's also, well, kind of not true? I don't feel too good about my performance but I also know there's nothing particularly bad about it."

She nodded and gave him warm hug. "Has it ever occurred to you that you might just be burn out? Don't worry about it. Feel free to spend as long as you would like here. We're not short of money."

Neil resisted an eye-roll. His mother came from an Old Wizarding family in France and she had married a man who came from an Old Wizarding family in England, albeit initially so low in the succession ladder that the only reason he stood to inherit everything was that everyone else before him had landed themselves in jail due to the Second Wizarding War. Still, she had meant well so he resisted from making a snarky comment. "Ah yes, of course, but I don't want to bother the both of you. I like the idea that I'm doing well at my job and, you know, all that. Being self-sufficient."

"You were always a bit of a high-achiever, but sometimes it's ok to take it easy. Life is also about enjoyment."

"Well, now that you put it that way mom… I mean, I guess I am terrible at finding time to just enjoy things I like. Plus, I'm terrible at staying in touch with friends… Heh…"

It was not long after that their House Elf came and fetched his mother. His dad had apparently made some interesting breakthrough with some plant that he wanted her to verify and off she went. They were both massive fans of Herbology and currently partnering up with St. Mungo's to cross-breed and cultivate a particular plant that many Potion-Makers theorized would be able to lighten the effects of the Cruciatus Curse. It was always their life's passion.

Mom and Dad had met in Brazil after they had graduated from Beauxbatons and Hogwarts respectively. It was a year before the Second Wizarding War had officially broken out and, therefore, by a perfect stroke of luck, his father was safely sequestered in a Herbology research program in Brazil. While everyone in England was entangled in a web of danger, struggle and deceit, Nathaniel Nott was beginning to woo the woman of his dreams, Evangeline (or Eva) Rosier, another fellow participant in the program. When his uncle took the Dark Mark, his father took his mother to the Carnival. When his cousin took part in the assault in the Ministry, his parents were exploring the potential medical properties of various herbs in the Amazon rainforest. When everyone else in what remained of the Nott family in England - a most ancient Pureblood line, the type that made all its children memorize the various deeds of prominent members - became associated with the Death Eaters, either willingly or unwillingly, his parents, who were then dating, were making research breakthroughs with South American wizards.

Even that time, there weren't many of members of the Notte family left. His father had one brother and two cousins of the same generation, one male and another female, as well as a couple of relatives whom Neil had only ever heard names of. They had other family in Europe too, certainly, but it wasn't the same. Plus, great-great-great-great grandmother never failed to mention how one of their German relatives married a half-blood. When the war was over, even that pittance of members was reduced. His uncle was arrested and sent to Azkaban for repeated usage of the Cruciatus curse. Another relative had poisoned herself, preferring death to imprisonment. One had died at the Battle of Hogwarts, needless to say on the other side. Two more were sent to Azkaban.

Such circumstances meant that a year after the end of the war, a very confused Nathaniel Nott, who had just eloped with mother, received a peeved letter from his ancient great-something grandmother that the whole Nott estate belonged to him by law and that she was obliged to inform him of such. The elderly Primrose Nott was a cantankerous matriarch who took no pleasure upon realization that there really were no other eligible members of the English branch of the family left and would take no chances at the whole manor going to waste. Thus after much agonizing, and biding farewell to their adopted home in Brazil, mother and father returned to England.

Although his mother was a Pureblood witch, Gran loathed her and they had never gotten along. The excuses ranged from her having a squib as a niece to her being French to her being too loose for a proper woman and eloping with father instead of hosting one of those respectable large-scale weddings. Gran seemed to invent new reasons every day. His mother, however, always knew how deal with those comments, often through a combination of snark and nonchalance and utter confidence that that woman's days were numbered anyway.

~X~

"Lily has told me all about you guys, so, apparently, in this Wizarding World, you're like, the it couple!" Freddy remarked as they sat down for dinner and a bemused Harry Potter shook his head as Ginny grinned.

"They were very much so, back in the day," Lily said teasingly. "Although by the time I was cognizant they were all old and wrinkly."

"Oh please! They look just fine!" Freddy laughed as the rest of them joined in.

Her parents had finally met Freddy and she was ever so nervous before their encounter. After all, she had a toxic, exasperating, heart-wrenching relationship with Don that she desperately tried to make work, whom her family never exactly approved, and then a string of unsuccessful flings who only seemed interested in a broken and desperate daughter of the Wizarding World's former savior. A play thing, a vulnerable woman, something to be fixed. She was still pretty, she knew, or so both her friends, her mother and sister-in-law constantly reminded her. So she had plenty of reason to be wary. There were so many times she had thought she found the right man only for him to toss her aside after two or three months.

Heartbreak after heartbreak, self-reflection after self-reflection… It was getting to her so much that when Freddy, her team leader's roommate asked her out, she assumed it would be just another short fling that ended in disappointment. But he kept staying, kept their relationship going, kept being there for her. It did not matter that he was a Muggle — an American one no less — with little conception of the Wizarding World. It mattered that they could spend hours and hours chatting about whatever was in muggle pop culture, then hours and hours where she could share her intimate feelings and insecurities.

When she revealed to him that she was, indeed, a Witch, he was initially rather shocked, but, at the end of the day, it was more surprise and bemusement than fear and recoilment. The curiosities and questions began. Can you magically create unlimited New York pizza? Is dimension traveling real? Woah wait this Apparating thing is Teleportation right? Are those chocolate frogs alive? They're vegetarian right? My sister is going to be soooo conflicted… So you say your Dad saved the British Wizarding World from Wizard Hitler? Damn!

Eventually the novelties and curiosities settled down, he got used to the fact that she was a Witch and that occasionally, during dates, she would Apparate the both of them to places to save time, that sometimes during Cooking Nights she would cast spells to make the process easier, much to his relief and that sometimes, she would bring strange treats to their dates and he would wolf down chocolate frog after chocolate frog. She kept wincing, preparing herself for the moment that he would leave and recoil from her, but nothing happened. They confirmed they were dating and even surprised Neil about it, who, after the case in Greece, was shocked, bamboozled, to find them both cuddling on the coach of his apartment. Needless to say, Freddy blurted out that he knew both Neil and Lily were wizards.

"Well, we started dating after my flatmate, who also happens to sort-of be her boss, hosted a party," Freddy recounted. "And, well, back then, I didn't know anything about magic so they all had to pretend to be muggles when I came home. One thing lead to another, I was chatting with all of them, Lily and I hit it off real good and I asked for her number. She said she didn't have any but she was willing to hang out and so planned our first date. The rest, they say, is history!"

The rest of the night went on pretty smoothly, both Mum and Dad seemed relieved at this boyfriend (compared to Don.) Mostly, they just seemed happy that Lily was happy with him and that he was enthralled by the whole Wizarding World. None of her fears came to pass.

~X~

"I have an announcement to make!" Father jovially tapped his silverware to alert the rest of the room, which really only consisted of mother, him and grumpy Gran. He was grinning widely, which made Neil rather suspicious.

"Oh?" Gran frowned.

"Eva and I are having another child!"

Neil almost spat out his water.

"Mom! You never told me earlier!" Neil looked at his mother in shock.

"I wanted to be sure," she said with a wave. Did another test today and, well, it should start showing soon.

"The Divination consultants say that it will be a girl," father added, sounding pleased. "They seemed quite reliable - they did predict your gender too."

Gran shook her head and kept eating.

"But…" Neil didn't know what to say. His parents were not exactly young people. Well, they were both over fifty and though late pregnancy cases were not unheard of, they already had two children. "But you guys are … old…"

"Fertility potions," Mother suggested with a shrug, "Sometimes they work.

"This is absurd!" Gran said.

"For once I kind of agree with her. But.. I mean," Neil quickly sought to add, "Congratulations! I mean, hey, I'm glad the fact that I'm well into adulthood means I won't develop any Middle-Child Syndrome issues."

To which his parents both laughed. They seemed genuinely happy and mother always wanted a girl. But it was just so… weird? He had expected to become an Uncle at this age, yes, not an older brother.

Needless to say, he would write to Lawrence about this new development. It was all too disorientating… can't his life just be normal for once?

~X~

"Nigel, we need to talk," Dad had remarked the next morning when he returned home after their trip in Greece. His mother was beside his father, folding her arms, but he could tell that her eyes were red.

"Dad, Mum— I— I'm sorry," Nigel muttered. He did not know what else he could say to allay them. There had been much crying yesterday, tinkered with relief, and then, finally, scolding. His father was usually never one to explode in anger, but this time was an exception. He spent hours raving at Nigel for his recklessness, chastising him for almost getting himself and getting involved with dangerous matters. Nigel could tell that Dad meant well, even Mum did not restrain him, for she was upset as well.

"It's okay Nigel," Mum said, still recovering from her tears, "Your father and I merely want you to be safe. And it has come to our attention that you have been corresponding with some dangerous people…"

~X~

There were times when Neil believed that there were probably still remnants of Dark Artifacts and even criminal hideouts in his manor. Back when they were still young, he would play Hide and Seek with Lawrence and his brother would make jokes about him being trapped in a mirror or being kidnapped by a Dark Wizard in hiding. It was believable to a naive young kid with too much to fear and who treated his brother's words as gospel - naturally, given that his brother was seven years older and seemed to know so much. Especially since the manor was expansive and so many parts of it were still uninhabited.

That didn't mean he wasn't prone to the occasional jump scare, such as the one he encountered when he ran into Gran as he returned from a morning of flying. "You've always liked flying," she croaked, cranky as always.

"Yikes! Gran! You scared me!"

"The frail youth these days… I remember back when you were very eager to be Quidditch player…"

"Ah yes," he noted, "I did too." It made him uncomfortable. This nagging feeling that his life could be different. On the good days, such feelings remained buried and he did his job, accepted the praise and the promotion, chatted amicably with co-worker and kept going. On the bad days, however, he would ruminate about the what-ifs, ponder about how happy his friends who chose professional Quidditch as a career seem to be and the more glamorous lives it entailed. On the terrible days, he would think of Suzy…

"Oh please don't tell me you set off on another one of your moping moods again Neil."

"Gran… please…"

Shaking her head, she headed off to the study room, probably to peruse another one of those dusty old tomes which detailed the genealogy of the esteemed Nott family. It was an open secret that she doesn't have much long to live and during one's last days you clung onto old, ancient memories. Neil could hardly blame her even when he disagreed in every sense with the ideology she was brought up in and subscribed too. Things have indeed changed a lot in the Wizarding World since Cantankerous Nott first consecrated the official Sacred 21 families list.

But his mind wandered to Suzy again. Gran had heard of her and disapproved of her intensely, with a seething hatred not even reserved for mother. Not even a 'dirty mudblood' but also a 'hobo', a 'witless vagabond.' His heart winced when he heard those comments his Fifth Year. He had wanted to bring her home for Christmas because she usually just went to her orphanage— pity perhaps, or a desire to provide some semblance of security out of the charity of his heart… Either way his wishes were shot down before they could be fully explicated.

And now here he was, mired in confusion and regret. He wondered if she still thought of him, even if just a little — that is if she were even alive and around...

~X~

It was when he finally decided to venture further from his ancestral manor, all the way to Hogsmede, when the dreaded encounter finally manifested.

"Took you long enough to appear," Neil snorted, hands in pocket, trying hard not to twitch his fingers nervously.

"I'm surprised I would find you here, in all honesty, I thought you would be spending your time off actively searching for her," the figured remarked with a shrug, gesturing Neil to follow him, hood still on, but the voice was recognizable. It made Neil's heart constrict.

"Yes, Mr. Potter, I often wonder why I never bothered myself… perhaps out of fear. I was afraid…"

"Aren't we all, Nott, aren't we all…" Albus Potter shook his head.

~X~

"How did you find me, Potter," Neil inquired, folding his arms in the midst of a secure cavern, it was the only location where Albus Potter would permit to reveal himself in front of an off-duty Auror. There was palpable mistrust in the air. From both of them. And reasonable fear on Neil's part — perhaps his family, colleagues and friends would find him weeks later dead in a decrepit cave and ponder on the reason of his demise.

"I have a talent in tracking people," Albus Potter replied obscurely, shrugging, not taking his eyes off Neil. There was something unnerving about the stare. Not quite neutral, calculating, yet not quite malicious either. It was the suspense, the uncertainty, that made Neil's stomach sink.

"I see," Neil remarked, "Well, good to hear then. I've assume, well, that you've at least tried to find her? Suzy?"

Albus Potter responded with a thin smile, "Ah yes, though I'm afraid she no longer resides in England." Shaking his head, he waved his wand and fragments of images floated through the air.

A short girl with mousy brown hair, darting through the streets of New York, glanced furtively around her until her eyes locked onto its next target. They narrowed, now full of purpose, in a way that surprised Neil. With a flash, she skipped right next to the figure and snatched his wand before he could react. And then she was gone. She had changed, appearance-wise, but he could not forget that face, her eyes, the way she moved. A gang of wizard apparated in the middle of the street and descended upon the crowd, which descended into mayhem. Discovering that his wand had been stolen, her target was overcome by panic—

Albus waved away those images. "It was a targeted assassination. The man was a member of the American Magical Congress, steeped in corruption allegations. That was a vigilante group."

"Is Suzy part of them?"

"Not really, from what I could gather, she was merely contracted by them for this assignment," Albus explained, arms folded, "But she could be. They're an interesting bunch… anarchists… with mostly good intentions but we all know that can go awry as well."

"I don't think Suzy does well in groups," Neil commented, "Well, at least, the Suzy I knew back then never particularly fit in with groups."

"Ouch. Harsh, but I can see what you mean. I've heard the tales of her expulsion," Albus said. "Rumors travel."

"We kept in touch after that, of course, I even wanted her to stay over at our family manor… great-great-great Gran vetoed it. It was way back…"

"Ah… an old flame? I mean, as I said, rumors travel. I've heard things, gossip so you would say, back in the day. Way back, when I was still in the Auror's and in touch with your brother."

"Spoken as if you guys weren't…"

"You know what I mean."

"Right— right — no, I mean, I'm glad she's alive and well."

Being back at his family home unwittingly thrust him into the past and made him reconsider all his past impressions and trajectories, vignettes fluttering around his mind. It surprised him how frequently Suzy now featured in them now that he thought about it. Sure they were very good friends back in school but she technically wasn't in his friend group, although he was probably her only friend. Yet now she slipped into his mind more often than any of his school mates.

"You liked her?"

Neil almost chose to ignore that question. But he knew the answer now. They both knew the answer. "I think I might have." A whisper.

"Ah… I see."

~X~

It was the third day when Nigel finally broke. His parents were clearly distressed, as was Andy and the twins. Little Charles was still far too small to understand. Dad had a gloomy demeanor about him that evidently affected work as well, for he had complained far more around the dinner table as Nigel would strive to ignore everything around him and bring his mind to whatever summer reading or Fourth-Year study books he had elected to obsess over for the day. (Hey it was decent distraction.) Nevertheless, it had been too much.

Father tried, he really did, but everyone else in the room, mother included, could sense his displeasure. And so Nigel had no other choice but to blunt and honest and sincere about admitting his actions, his opinions and on promising prudence in his future actions. (All while hoping Uncle Albus would understand him if they ever met him again.)

~X~

He broke down in tears alone in his room, the one he grew up as a child in, all while his mother and father made plans to replace it with his (future) sister's belongings— all with his permission. It was almost as if he wanted to exorcise everything. The memory of her, the way it reminded him of his own failings and cowards made him want to forget everything . And so he slept… and slept…

It would be another week before he had to return to work. He had plenty of time to reminisce and figure himself out. Sure, some of the things he did wasn't the wisest, but it was what he had to do.

But if he were to reach out to Suzy— what would he do—

Would she resent him? Miss him? Ask him how was? What would he do ask her?

Would they be able to sit down at a bar and clink their cups as friends? (and maybe even more—?

~X~

"If you as so insistent, Nott, we could even visit her," Al offered cautiously, surveying the guy's reaction inside and out.

"I… Someday,. Someday. I will be going back to work soon."

He stared the guy, awaiting the next words.

"Of course, Potter, Albus, we could stay in touch. I mean, we have not always been on best terms but if you want, I could help you in some ways, as long as you did the same for me… I mean, okay, I— Tell me what you want, so long as you would let me know about Suzy. I— I…"

"Speak no more. I understand."