Ch. 24 – The Loom of Fate

"Hello, Kaeya."

Kaeya can't tell if this is another hallucination. If it is, it's a strange one but he knows better than to try and fight it. It's only a matter of time before the herald shows up to kill him again. Hopefully, it won't be by strangulation this time—of all the deaths he's experienced, those are the worst.

The hilichurl walks up to him but stops when it notices him grow tense the closer it gets. Its ears flatten against its head sadly. "I'm sorry," it says mournfully.

This is just another trick. These hallucinations always start peacefully and when he's least expecting it—

He looks away from the hilichurl and keeps his eyes locked on the ground. If he doesn't do anything, if he doesn't fight this, this death won't be as painful as others. The herald will show up and give him a swift death this time as a reward for good behavior. He'll listen to the Sinner.

He won't fight.

He won't try to do anything.

If it means he won't have to go through the dying process over and over and over again—

"Be grateful, Alberich—"

He'll be the vessel the Sinner needs.

He holds back a flinch as the hilichurl's hand reaches up to touch his face. Its hand is soft and warm despite its leathery skin and bone-thin arm. These hallucinations always feel so real.

It runs its thumb over the right side of his face. "It's okay now," the hilichurl says. "I'm here and I will protect you."

He doesn't respond. The Sinner is only trying to trick him again. He keeps his head down and his mouth shut. As long as he doesn't fight this, it will be okay. He can experience the happiness he was promised.

"He cannot hurt you here, little one."

He can hear the Sinner's voice clear as day.

"How much do you remember, little one?"

He stiffens as he tries to push it out. It's not real, it's not real, it'snotreal— He forces a fearful whimper down and squeezes his eyes tightly shut. He wishes he didn't remember anything.

"We share this body, little one."

It's not true. This is his body and his alone.

"He abandoned you, little one."

It doesn't matter, this is a new life. Diluc hasn't done anything to him, and his birth father is long gone.

"Don't you want to leave the darkness, little one?"

It's too dark. Help me.

"You will not die, little one, although you will beg for it."

His fingernails dig into his palms hard enough to draw blood. "Don't… call me that," he says quietly. He sucks in a sharp breath when he realizes his mistake. He shouldn't have said anything. The Sinner doesn't like it when he voices his displeasure. "I'm sorry!" he immediately apologizes.

He curls in on himself when he notices the creature in front of him move closer to him. This is just another hallucination. This isn't the hilichurl, this is the herald. He knows it is, but his mind must be playing tricks on him because the herald hasn't struck him for speaking out against the Sinner.

His arms begin to shake involuntarily and he fights himself to stop it. He knows that the monster is waiting for him to make a move. He won't even twitch; he isn't supposed to move without the Sinner allowing him to. The herald is and always will be at their beck and call no matter where or when it is. He's going to be thrown back into that hell headfirst for speaking without permission. Panic rises in his chest and he gasps, "I'm sorry! I won't fight, please, I swear it!"

Something touches his cheek but the expected pain doesn't come. He freezes in place in terror. When did you become such a coward? he shamefully asks himself.

"It's all right," the monster gently interrupts. "I'm not going to hurt you."

His muddled and panicking mind gradually becomes clearer. The hand isn't as large or as cold as it's supposed to be. Why isn't it trying to kill him again? Slowly, he dares to lift his eyes. Even though he can't see its face, the hilichurl looks sad. It's not the herald. He wants to breathe a sigh of relief, but his eyes dart around the area, keeping a watchful eye to make sure it doesn't suddenly pop into existence. It likes to ambush him when he's least expecting.

The hilichurls ears droop down when it sees the fearful and tentative expression on his face. "Oh, Kaeya. I'm so sorry," it repeats softly. "Had I been able to, I would have pulled you out of those memories myself. To force you to go through most of them in such a short amount of time…"

Memories? "They weren't… hallucinations?" he hesitantly mutters.

"Yes and no." It pulls its hand away from his face. "They are memories because you have already experienced it all. They are also hallucinations because of the Sinner's power over your mind." It sighs, long and sad. "I only wish I had been faster. Then, you would not have had to go through any of it."

Kaeya runs a hand over his face where the hilichurl touched. His skin feels smooth and the pain disappeared. Memories slowly trickle back in and he takes a shaky breath when he sees Diluc's body. He can remember looking down and see his eyes staring out at nothing as his own body turns away as if he didn't care that his brother had been killed right in front of him.

He did care. He still cares.

I'm sorry, 'Luc. I'm so sorry.

"Truly, a tragedy."

He quickly wipes his eyes as he swallows down his grief. Other memories swirl within his mind, steadily replacing the strange holes here and there. It's frightening how easily the Sinner could simply wipe them away, but it's odd how easily they're being repaired. "How… how did you do that?" he asks.

"All I did was reverse the corruption. Within this space, you are completely safe."

Kaeya takes another look around. This place looks no different than the other times he's been here, and it feels real enough to convince him that it could be reality. Thankfully he knows it isn't. "Where are we?"

The hilichurl also looks around. "I suppose you can call it my home away from home." It seems like it's smiling at him and its ears return to normal. "You are a special child, Kaeya. Although, I suppose you think of yourself not as a child, but as an adult since you carry memories of a past life."

"And you aren't a normal hilichurl. Who exactly are you?"

"I did say that I would tell you everything last time you were here, didn't I?" It hums in amusement and then lets out a long, tired sigh. "My name is Caribert. We share a special connection, you and I."

"What kind of connection?"

Caribert stares at him for a few moments, and then he turns around. "Come, sit with me." He stops near the edge of the cliff and sits on the soft grass.

Kaeya hesitantly joins him, sitting and crossing his legs in front of him, and stares out into the distance. He's never taken the time to look around and see how beautiful this place is. Diluc would hate it—he doesn't like the heat, much less humidity on top of that. He looks down at the trees on the bottom of the cliff as he holds back tears as his mind apologizes to Diluc like a mantra. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

"How much do you know of your family's history?"

He shakes his head. "Enough," he mumbles. "I know that my father abandoned me to spy on Mondstadt. I know that I'm a descendant of the Abyss Order's founder. I know some of my history." He sniffs as he wipes his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right, Kaeya. You are allowed to mourn your loss."

Kaeya doesn't try to fill the silence that follows. He stares out at the gray thunderclouds and fights back more tears. He can't mourn right now; he doesn't know how long he has here. He has a feeling that he won't be back for a very long time. An ant crawls in front of them and he watches it crawl around his shoe. He wonders if this is how the Sinner sees him—just a tiny little ant in a vast world.

"My father only wanted to find a cure for me."

Caribert's voice tears him out of his thoughts and he looks away from the ant and turns his eyes to the hilichurl beside him. "Your father?"

"Mhm." He looks down at his crossed legs. "Survivors of the cataclysm that weren't full-blooded Khaenri'ahns were cursed and turned into hilichurls, such as myself. Those of pure blood were cursed with immortality."

Kaeya knows this. He nods silently, waiting patiently for Caribert to continue.

"Do you know the name Chlothar Alberich?"

He shakes his head. "No."

"He came into contact with the Sinner one day, not long after the cataclysm. He blamed the gods for everything, hated them with every fiber of his being. Not that I blame him, but his hatred eventually became poisonous and that eventually led him to create the Abyss Order."

He stares at Caribert, his eyes slowly widening with shock as the pieces slowly click together. His father also expressed his hatred for the archons. There would be no reason for Caribert to mention the Abyss Order's founder unless it had something to do with his questions. "You're an Alberich too, aren't you? Chlothar was your father."

The hilichurl chuckles softly. "You're a clever one," he answers. "Yes, I am. It's part of the reason why I am able to communicate with you this way. The other is a bit more complicated than that."

"I want to know."

Caribert glances at him and then away with a nod. "My father was a good man. All he wanted was to cure me of this curse. He searched for all kinds of different potential cures, but nothing worked. One day, he followed another hilichurl into a strange ruin, and there he met the Sinner. I woke up, but I couldn't handle what I had become."

I can't take it.

Kaeya looks away from him. "I couldn't imagine turning into a hilichurl."

"It was… shocking to see that I turned into a monster." He looks down at his hand and makes a loose fist before opening it again. "It was like I was asleep for a very long time in a strange room. But that wasn't it. I had become something else. Not long after regaining sanity, I kept hearing a voice in my head, promising strange things in exchange for freedom."

He freezes. "You heard them. The Sinner."

He nods. "I don't think even he expected what I would turn into. I became more than just some sane monster. My father called me the Loom of Fate."

Kaeya squints. For some reason, that sounds so familiar. "What is that?"

"Have you ever wondered why you or your father aren't hilichurls?"

He looks at his own hands. "Sometimes," he admits. "But it's never really been at the top of my priorities, especially after I started living with Crepus and Diluc."

"I wanted to save my father. I didn't want him to continue to suffer. I used the Loom of Fate to get rid of his curse and allow him to live as a mortal again. I used it to rewrite his fate."

Kaeya freezes. Rewrite fate? "The Loom of Fate can change the fates of others?"

Caribert nods. "Yes. And the fate of our family. That is why you are not affected by the curse like all others from Khaenri'ah."

A memory of Diluc flashes in his mind, smiling as he offers him some grapes, and his adult self grumbling under his breath as he slides another death afternoon his direction across the bar counter.

Hope bubbles in him. Diluc can live again. He can save him! "Can you save my brother?" he asks. "Please, he's just a kid and that herald killed him! I'll do anything—!"

"There's no need to get yourself worked up again," he interrupts calmly. "I can only use it once more."

He nods. "It's okay. I'm still alive so you don't have to use it for me again—"

"You do not understand the ramifications of this action, Kaeya."

Kaeya goes quiet.

Caribert sighs sadly. "I do not mean to sound so harsh, but your fate has been rewritten several times now." It feels like he's staring straight into Kaeya's soul from behind his masked face as he says seriously, "Yes, you will live, but should you choose to save your brother, you can never use the Loom of Fate again."

Nervousness makes his stomach churn. Where is he going with this? "But I can't use it—you, I mean. I can't use your power."

He shakes his head. "That is where you are wrong. The Sinner told you the truth about one thing: you are a vessel. Not his personal vessel. More specifically, your body is a vessel for the Loom of Fate." He lifts his arm and points at his golden eye. "Think of your eye as the catalyst and your body as the only compatible user. It has been passed down the Alberich line for hundreds of years, and now that you are the last of our clan, the Sinner has become desperate."

Kaeya's mouth goes dry. He expected something shocking but not… not that. "What if I just took my eye out and burned it or destroyed it some other way?"

"You do not remember, but it has been attempted before. The first time you died, you were very young. Around this age, in fact. There, you met a girl called Lumine and she took you to the domain you are in now."

His eyes go wide. He remembers it clearly—but the Sinner had pulled him out of that memory before anything serious had happened. "She… pointed a sword at me. I died there?"

He nods. "When she realized your eye was not the Loom of Fate and only a catalyst for its power…" He takes a deep breath and calmly explains more. "There is a reason why the Sinner had you killed so many times before. I was the only thing that could protect you and the Loom of Fate from falling into his hands. In order to keep him away, I had to use the Loom to rewrite your fate and save you. After that, it happened many more times."

Over and over—

Stop it!

He closes his eyes to stop himself from thinking about it some more.

Caribert seems to notice but he doesn't say anything about it other than continue to talk. "He knew I would bring you back every single time. I had hoped he had given up since he waited so long in your last life before he went after you. Your vision must have helped protect you to some degree. But now, my power is exhausted and I can no longer stay. This power is going to pass onto you when I am gone."

His heart leaps into his throat and he swallows to push his anxiety back down. He doesn't want this power, however, he can't help but worry about Caribert. "If you used it again, what would happen to you? I don't want you to use it to save me if it means you're gone forever."

Caribert seems surprised and then he chuckles fondly. "I see that you, too, have inherited the Alberich self-sacrificial tendencies."

Kaeya huffs indignantly. "Can I blame you for that, then?"

"And you have inherited our sharp tongue." He folds his hands in front of him and leans forward a little as he sighs again. "I don't know what will happen to me. Maybe I'll move on and join my parents, maybe I'll simply disappear, or maybe nothing happens." He looks back at him. "I can save your brother, but that also means you will be highly susceptible to the Sinner's influence again. If I don't use the Loom of Fate, then I will remain here and I can save you from the Sinner and allow you control of your own body again. I cannot save both you and Diluc."

Kaeya bites the inside of his cheek as he looks away. "Will the Sinner hurt Diluc again?" he asks quietly.

He shakes his head. "I would think not unless Diluc would directly try to harm you."

He barely thinks about the choices and steels himself before asking, "If you rewrite his fate, and if the Sinner takes full control of me… if Dainsleif kills me, will it also kill the Sinner?"

Caribert watches him, his ears flicking as a slight breeze blows in the air around them. "Are you so willing to throw your life away?"

He nods without hesitation. "The Sinner needs my body to move around, right?"

"He can possess anybody he wishes. You just happen to be able to use the Loom of Fate."

He frowns and looks back up. "But if I die, he won't be able to use it, right?"

Caribert stares at him quietly for a few seconds. "Life is precious," he begins to say. "You have two choices. On one hand you allow them to kill you, the Loom of Fate will stay out of the Sinner's hands and Diluc will live again. On the other, I keep the Sinner at bay and Diluc will stay dead but you will be free. However, I cannot promise that I can stay indefinitely and when I am gone, the Sinner will attempt to possess you again."

"I understand." He takes a deep breath to calm his nerves. He feels like he only has one choice, but he doesn't mind. He's already made up his mind. "It's all right. I would rather Diluc live again, and for the Sinner to lose the Loom of Fate forever."

The hilichurl looks up at the sky. "You have a noble soul, Kaeya. Far braver than most."

"I am curious about a couple more things."

Caribert glances at him. "Ask away."

"How was I able to remember my last life? Is it really because of my vision?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest. All the other times you have died, you had not received a vision of any kind. Perhaps Lord Barbatos is watching over you. I also thought I would be gone after I rewrote your fate last time, so maybe I am also being watched over by him." He lets out a humorless chuckle. "Ironic, isn't it? Two Khaenri'ahns being protected by an archon and one of us even earned his blessing not once but twice."

Kaeya nods with a grim look. Perhaps that's why the Sinner didn't want him to die this time. Maybe he knew he would lose the Loom of Fate with his final death. "Then I have another question: why would the Sinner do all this when I'm so young? Why not wait until I've grown a bit into a stronger body?"

His ears droop again and his shoulders slump slightly. "That is an easy answer. He intended to take you when you returned as a child simply because children are far easier to manipulate than adults are. I assume he intended to groom you into the role he wanted until the day you were ready. He did not expect you to remember your last life. For that very reason, he took drastic measures to make you complacent and force you to become his vessel."

He shudders. "That's… disturbing."

He hums in agreement. "He needed you to be unwilling to fight back. He knows that after I am gone, you will take my place. If he can control you, then he can use the Loom of Fate without any issues."

They sit in silence again for a few minutes, peacefully listening to the wind blowing and thunder rumbling some distance away. Kaeya takes a deep breath, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. It will be all right. As long as Diluc gets to live, he doesn't care what happens to him.

He looks up when a hand lands on his head and lightly ruffles his hair. Caribert seems like he's smiling again. "I'm proud of you, Kaeya. You made the right choice," he says. He stands up and helps Kaeya to his feet as well. "We don't have any time left."

Kaeya nods nervously and his eyes go wide when he notices that he can see right through him. Caribert's body is transparent and little lights begin to fly into the air. "What's happening to you?" he asks.

Caribert twists his arms to inspect them. He seems to be more curious than alarmed. "I assume I'm moving on." He lets out a light and relieved laugh. "Thank you, Kaeya. You are so very strong, much stronger than I." He reaches up and grabs his mask.

When Kaeya blinks, his breath hitches. Caribert is still transparent and fading from the feet up, but the smiling boy a little older than he looks far different than what he'd ever expected. "Caribert…?"

Two eyes stare back at him, one lilac and one gold. Blue hair a little longer than his own falls over his shoulders. It's like he's staring in a mirror, and his reflection has his own thoughts and actions. "It's okay. I trust you. When you return to reality, you will go back to the point just before your brother's death."

Kaeya nods solemnly, his nerves returning tenfold. "So this is it?" he says softly.

Caribert nods. His body is mostly gone already, only his upper half remains now. He smiles at him. "You know what to do from here."

And he does. He nods again, watching as the last of his body fades into little white lights and blink out of existence.

"Goodbye, Kaeya."

Kaeya closes his eyes.

He falls.

This time, he isn't afraid.

-x-

"Kaeya, come on!"

Someone yells and a monstrous roar follows.

"Who… are you?"

"It's me!"

"How unexpected."

Kaeya opens his eyes.

Everything hurts as if he'd been sitting in one place for more than a few hours—and perhaps he had been. He has no idea how much time has passed in the real world ever since he was taken by the herald. He lifts his eyes and his heart soars when he sees Diluc standing in front of him.

He's alive!

He wants to reach out and hug him, and maybe he wouldn't ever let go. There is no blood on his chest, nothing that indicates he's currently dying. There is a deep gash on his head that will likely be an issue later if it isn't taken care of soon, but he isn't in any immediate life-threatening danger.

Diluc's face, on the other hand, is a mixture of disbelief and horror as he stares back at him. Tears sting the corner of his eyes and threaten to fall. "What did it to do you?"

Moving is difficult enough and it feels like it takes all his strength to speak. "Di…luc…" he manages to say.

The horror and disbelief immediately vanish as hope crosses his expression. "Yes! It's me!" he shouts. "I'm going to help you, we can fix this! I'll get your vision and we can go home!"

Kaeya looks down the stairs, seeing the herald staggering to the steps and its arm outstretched, the blade pointed straight for Diluc's back. It looks like it's seconds away from collapsing and dying, but that's all it needed to kill Diluc the first time.

He won't let it kill him again.

He pushes against the grip the Sinner has on his body and tackles Diluc down, narrowly avoiding the fatal strike that had killed his brother the first time. A deep cut scrapes against his arm instead. Kaeya would rather him not be harmed at all, but he'll take a cut over being stabbed any day.

Diluc gasps in pain and grabs hold of him, barely avoiding another strike by rolling to the left. He winces as they painfully roll down the stairs and hit the stone floor a second later. "Ow," he mumbles.

Kaeya also winces and he slowly turns his gaze to the statue. The glow is gone just like before and at the top of the stairs where they had been, the herald is kneeling. Its shoulders are heaving up and down as it gasps in pain and holds its stomach with one arm. The blade on its other arm seems to be stuck in the stone. It doesn't seem like it has any more strength to even try to remove it. "Mas…ter…" it groans as it collapses. "I have… failed… you…"

Diluc stares at its disappearing body with shock and relief. He relaxes his stance and turns around and staggers to Kaeya's side. "It's over, Kaeya," he tells him reassuringly. "We're okay now. I'll get your vision and get Dainsleif out of the ice, and then we can go home, okay?"

"Hurry," Dainsleif says from somewhere behind him. He sounds alarmed, and he can feel his star-filled gaze on him. "We must leave as soon as possible."

"Right." Diluc summons his claymore and prepares to strike the caged vision, only to spin around when Kaeya suddenly screams. "Kaeya?!"

"You chose to sacrifice Caribert? My, I did not think you had it in you."

Pain spreads from his eye and Kaeya doesn't bother to bite back another shout. He holds the right side of his face and underneath his palm, he can feel the veins begin to spread even further. It feels like he is on fire and without Caribert's help, the Sinner has free reign to do whatever they want to him.

Diluc runs to him and goes to his knees beside him, alarm replacing any relief he had when he cries out again. His blade clatters to the ground behind him. "Kaeya!" he yells.

"Let go, little one," the Sinner says. "Everything will be all right. I swear I will not harm your brother."

Kaeya shakes his head. "No…!" he snaps.

He feels his upper half being lifted up and an arm underneath his head. "Kaeya, what's wrong?" Diluc's voice shouts over the Sinner's voice.

"He is still fighting," Dainsleif answers for him.

"Fighting what?!"

Kaeya can barely hear them, but he strains his ears to listen to them instead of the promises the Sinner is whispering to him.

"You know you cannot win."

"Kaeya!"

Kaeya looks up at Diluc, fighting against the invisible restraints the Sinner is placing on his limbs. He knows he doesn't have much longer until the Sinner grows impatient. He can't fight it forever. "I'm glad—you're alive," he tells him. It feels like there is a heavy pressure against his jaw and tongue, trying to force him to stay quiet.

"Dainsleif, what do I do?!" Diluc shouts, panicked. The tears he had tried so hard to fight back have started to fall. "He's in so much pain!"

He can't hear Dainsleif's reply.

"Let go."

Kaeya knows there is only one thing left to do but there's no one else other than Diluc to help him.

Dainsleif can't move.

The herald is dead.

Lumine isn't here.

He shakes his head and the movement makes Diluc look down at him. He has no way of knowing that he won't be able to move of his own accord for much longer. "Kaeya, please! We came this far!"

His guilt increases tenfold at that. He doesn't want to ask him to finish this, but he has no other choice. "Kill… me…"

Diluc's eyes widen drastically at the request. "What?" He shakes his head rapidly. "No! That's stupid! Hell no! No! I'm not going to kill you—I'm going to save you! I'm sorry I didn't protect you like I promised, but—"

"Diluc. You… don't… understand!"

"Then make me understand!"

He screams again as the pain increases tenfold. The Sinner knows what he's asking—it's like he can feel their sudden desperation. His limbs are starting to grow numb. He can't move his legs anymore.

"You will not ruin this, little one," the Sinner tells him. "You are so, so close. We are almost there—"

There is no 'we'! He doesn't care about the bone-piercing terror that comes over him for shouting at the Sinner. He knows that if he survives this, the punishment will be dire. He desperately hopes he doesn't.

He can't go back.

"You forget your place." The Sinner sounds the most enraged he's ever heard and it sends a fearful shudder through his body. "I created the Loom of Fate. I made what Caribert came to be. I was the one that gave him the power to cure your family." It feels like someone is leaning right over him, their fury radiating and seeping through his skin. "I am reclaiming what is mine."

The Loom of Fate may be your creation, but it is me that Caribert entrusted it to.

"Then you have made a mistake. What joy I promised shall become your never-ending suffering. You will lose yourself fully and completely."

He feels himself being lowered onto the ground and gently set down. Diluc stands above him and he closes his eyes as something metal and heavy scrapes across the stone and he braces himself for the pain.

He wants to apologize for making him kill another member of his family—even if this Diluc didn't end their father's life out of mercy. His mouth stays closed, his strength rapidly depleting as the Sinner's influence starts to wrap around him once more. Please, hurry, Diluc!

He can't open his eyes anymore. The Sinner is forcing him to be still again, their grip on his body steadily increasing. He doesn't think he'll be able to even breathe without their permission.

One second passes, and then ten.

The pain never comes.

Something shatters nearby and is immediately followed by a light object hitting the floor. It feels like a heavy weight is suddenly lifted from his chest, and he gasps as control gradually returns to him. He opens his eyes and all he can see is a light that makes him wince from the sudden brightness.

A light chuckle reaches his ears, carefree like the wind.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Kaeya."