Dard Ka Naam Ishq

Chapter 19

Flashback Series Part 11

Woh yunhi beezariyat se apne kamre mein betha hua tha. Kabhi kabhi bezaariyat beghair kisi wajah ke insaan pe qabza jama leti hai. Shayad insaan thak jata hai, beghair kisi wajah ke ulajh sa jata hai. Rooth sa jata hai. Us ne apne aas paas dekha to koi apna na dikha, zindagi udaas si lagi. Na mukammal si lagi. Apna ap khaali sa laga. Aas paas khokhli si khushi nazar ayi. Use laga tha ke woh apni zindagi mein bohat khush hai aur us ke liye us ke dost hi kaafi hain magar haqeeqat to yahi thi ke dost to dost hote hain aur apne apne hote hain aur us ka koi apna na tha. Use is waqt Purvi ki tanhaayi toot kar mehsoos hui. Woh dono hi shayad tanha the. Koi bheed mein reh ke tanha tha to koi akele reh ke tanha tha. Tanha to woh donon hi the. Purvi ke baare mein soch kar us ke chehre pe na chahte hue bhi muskurahat a gayi. Shayad do tanha logon mein aik doosre ko mukammal karne ki taqat hoti hai. Kyunke woh aik jaise hote hain aur aik doosre ko samajhne ki salahiyat rakhte hain. Us ka mobile phone us se kuch faasle pe pada hua tha. Us ne woh faasla be jhijhak paar kar liya aur Purvi ka number mila daala.

Doosri taraf Purvi lounge mein aik sofe se tik kar bethi hui thi. Us ko apna phone bajta hua sunayi diya. Phone ki awaaz us ke kamre ki taraf se aayi thi.

"Mera phone mere kamre mein pada hua hai. La dijiye ga" Purvi ne apne ghar mein kaam karne waali mulaazma se kaha. Mulaazma ne phone utha kar Purvi ko de diya.

Purvi ne phone ko haath mein uthaa liya aur screen pe chamakte naam ko dekhne lagi. Abhijeet ka naam screen pe poori josh se chamak raha tha. Na chahte hue bhi us ke chehre pe muskurahat a gayi. Dil aik anjaani khushi se bhar gaya. Us ne dheere se phone call le li.

"Hello Geet, Mein Abhijeet bol raha hun. Kaisi hain ap?" Abhijeet josh se bola.

"Mein theek hun. Ap kaise hain?"

"Mein to theek hun magar kya ap waqaie theek hain ya phir sirf keh rahi hain" Abhijeet ne aik aisa sawaal kiya jo kam az kam Purvi ko ajeeb noiyat ka laga.

"Mein ap se jhoot kyun bolun gi?" Purvi be ulajh ke poocha.

"Logon ko yeh jumla kehne ki kuch aadat si ho gayi hai. Yeh rasmi sa jumla jo sirf aik rasam ko adaa karta hai. Log rasmi tor pe har baar wohi keh dete hain kyunke unhe ahsaas hi nahi hota. Woh to bas aik rasam nibha rahe hote aur un ki aadat un ko apne gham doosron se share karne se rokti hai. Kya hum sab yahi nahi karte? Acha na bhi mehsoos kar rahe hon tab bhi keh dete hain ke sab theek hai" Abhijeet ki baat us ke dil ko lagi thi. Us ne is baare mein pehle kabhi na socha tha. Woh bhi shayad yahi karti thi chaahe woh kitna hi bura na mehsoos kar rahi ho, wohi logon ko apne gham, apne masle, aur apni pareshaaniyan janne se rokne waala aik khudkar button. Dil ki baatein dil tak rakhne ka aik zarba.

"Han, tum theek keh rahe ho. Aur ab mein soch rahi hun ke kya mein waqaie theek hun ya phir meine sirf rasmi tor pe keh diya woh jumla" Purvi ne socha ke woh kaisa mehsoos kar rahi hai. Use laga ke woh behtar mehsoos kar rahi hai. Woh shayad bohat khush na ho, magar bohat arse baad apne ap ko kuch behtar mehsoos kar rahi thi. Dheere se kuch badal gaya tha us ki zindagi mein. Koi us ki zindagi mein umeed ki tarhan utar aaya tha magar is baat ka andaaza use abhi tak poori tarah ho nahi paaya tha magar bohat jald hi ho jana tha.

"To phir kya socha? Kya tum theek ho?" Abhijeet ne doosri taraf khamoshi mehsoos ki to poocha. Woh shayad waqiatan soch rahi thi. Us soch mein thi ke kya woh waqaie theek hai ya phir duniya waalon ke liye theek hai.

"Pata nahi. Mujhe nahi pata ke mein theek hun ya nahi. Jis tarhan mein jee rahi hun lagta hi nahi hai ke kabhi theek ho sakti hun magar phir bhi mein har roz kehti hun ke mein theek hun. Aj, aj. Mein nahi jaanti mein theek hun ya nahi magar pehle se behtar mehsoos kar rahi hun. Pata nahi kyun. Koi hai wajah jo mujhe bhi nahi pata. Agar pehle se behtar hone ko theek hona kaha ja sakta hai to haan, mein theek hun" Purvi ki gehri baatein Abhijeet ke dil ko lag rahi theen. Us ne sochne ki koshish ki ke woh wajah kya hai jo Geet ko pehle se behtar mehsoos karwa rahi hai. Woh yaqeenan us waqt nahi jaanta tha ke woh wajah woh khud hai. Aur agar us ko pata chal jata to woh us ke liye aik khoobsurat ahsaas hota.

"Han, shayad ise hi theek hona kehte hain. Zindagi to kisi ki bhi aik dam haseen aur khoobsurat nahi hoti hai magar har kisi ki hi zindagi mein woh din zaroor aate hain jab woh acha mehsoos karta hai, pehle se behtar, aik nayi taazgi ke saath" Abhijeet ne zyaada door na dekha. Us ki zindagi bhi laakh perfect dikhne ke baad bhi perfect to nahi thi. Kamiyaan to har jagah hi reh jaati hain. Kyunke yeh insaan ki fitrat hai. Woh kabhi mukammal tor pe khush nahi reh sakta. Zindagi aik sarak hai jo kabhi sehal si ho jaati hai to kabhi digmaga si jaati hai.

"Kya ap bhi waqaie theek hain?" Purvi ne achanak hi sawaal kiya jis pe Abhijeet chounk sa gaya.

"Han, Mein theek hun" Abhijeet dheere se bola. Woh kuch soch raha tha.

"Ap ko bhi meri tarah jhoot bolna bilkul nahi ata" Purvi dheere se muskurayi thi. Us ki muskurahat phone ke paar Abhijeet ne mehsoos ki thi. Us ka lehja us ki muskurahat ki gawaahi tha.

"Ap bhi na. Han, shayad, aj mein waisa mehsoos nahi kar raha jaisa mein hamesha hi mehsoos karta hun, yani ke khush magar yeh mat samjhiye ga ke is na khushi ki wajah ap hain. Ap ne to mera mood taqreeban theek kar diya hai is tarah ke ap ko pata bhi nahi chala" Abhijeet ne aik baar phir apne zehan mein dohraya ke kaise woh khokhli khushi ke balboote pe jee raha tha. Magar ab shayad use asli khushi mil gayi thi. Woh asli khushi use Geet se baat kar ke milti thi.

"Kyun nahi hain ap khush?" Purvi ne sanjeeda andaaz mein poocha.

"Meine kabhi is baare mein socha hi nahi ke meine apne gird aik masnoyi khushi ki diwaar bana li hai, apne ap ko khush aur mutmain rakhne ke liye. Mujhe asli khushi dhoondni chahiye thi. Aur woh asli khushi mujhe ab mili hai" Abhijeet maani khaiz andaaz mein bola. Us ke dil mein bohat kuch chal raha tha. Kayi naye jazbaat machal rahe the, is tarah ke woh un ki mojoodgi se ba khabar reh ke bhi be khabar tha. Woh jazbaat kahin la shaoor ke kisi hisse mein chupe bethe the. Un ko ab sirf sar uthaane ka mouqa chahiye tha.

"Kya matlab? Mein samjhi nahi" Purvi ne na samjhi se sar hilaaya.

"Mera matlab yeh tha ke mein kitna tanha hun is ka ahsaas mujhe aj hua hai. Ap ki tanhayi, ap ki baaton ne ahsaas dilaya mujhe. Warna mein to shayad kabhi samajhta hi nahi. Aj socha to yaad aaya ke mera bhi koi apna nahi hai. Mere maa baap ab is duniya mein nahi rahe. Chand dost hain jin ki sangat mein mein khush rehne ki koshish karta hun, magar kya mein waqaie khush hun ya sirf dikhawa karta hun. Hamari dosti kabhi aisi nahi rahi ke mein unhe aik dost se zyaada barh ke kuch samajh sakun. Sach kahun to matlabi hain woh bhi, aur mujh se bohat mukhtalif bhi. Mujhe aj se pehle koi apna jaisa mila hi nahi, apni shakhsiyat jaisa magar ap, ap bilkul meri jaisi hain. Ap se baat kar ke mujhe khushi hoti hai. Aur shayad yahi to woh asli khushi thi jo mujhe chahiye thi aur shayad ap ko bhi" Abhijeet ne bolna shuru kiya to ilfaaz nikalte hi chale gaye. Us ko apne ap ko beyaan karna pasand tha magar woh yeh cheez apne doston ke saamne zyaada tar nahi kar pata tha kyunke woh us ki lambi lambi taqreeron se chid jate the.

"Ap theek keh rahe hain shayad. Apne jese insaan se baat kar ke waqaie bohat acha lagta hai. Logon ki bheed mein jahan bhait bhait ke log phirte hain, wahan apna jaisa insaan ganeemat hi hai" Purvi ko pehle to samajh hi na aaya ke woh kya kahe aur kya na kahe. Use ahsaas hua us ki tarhan doosre log bhi bohat tanha hain magar apni apni noiyat mein alag. Tanhayi bhi to aik qisam ki nahi hoti hai.

"Aj kya kya kiya ap ne?" Abhijeet ne aik naya mozoo cheda. Baat agar aik hi mozoo pe chalti rahe to woh bil aakhir boriyat ka samaan paida karti hai. Halchal paida karne ke liye mukhtalif mozzoo ko chedna bhi zaroori hota hai.

"Meri zindagi mein kuch karne ke liye hai hi nahi" Purvi mayoos lehje mein boli.

"Ab ap mayoosi ka daaman thaam rahi hain. Mayoosi bohat buri cheez hai, is ka daman nahi pakarna chahiye. Kahin ka nahi chodti yeh. Mayoosi gunah hai" Abhijeet sanjeeda andaaz mein bola. Use Purvi ki awaaz se mayoosi ki ramak jhalakti hui dikhayi de rahi thi.

"Ap hi batayein, kya hai meri zindagi mein karne ke liye" Purvi ne apne ird gird dekhne ke baad kaha ke use kuch aisa na dikha jo us ki zindagi ko halchal de sake, us ki zindagi mein nayapan bhar de.

"Mein tumhaare andar ko nahi jaan sakta aur na hi tumhari zindagi ko. Magar jab tak yeh saans chalti rahe gi, tab tak kuch khatam nahi hoga. Naye mouqe, naye tareeqe, nayi dilchaspiyan apni raah dhoond hi leti hain. Bas yaqeen hona chahiye hai, kyunke zindagi yaqeen se hai" Purvi ki mayoosi use pareshaan kar deti thi. Us ka dil khatta kar deti thi. Woh us ki pareshaani mein kuch is tarah doob jata ke use khabar bhi na ho paati.

To Be Continued