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"A true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart." -Disney, Hercules

~Chapter 13~

A Heart-Stopping Revelation

Rain has always held a special place in my childhood, and I cherish the memories of frolicking in thunderstorms in the wet sand. Nevada, a dry desert state, rarely witnessed rainy days, which made them all the more exciting. During the monsoon season, the rain would stir up the sand, releasing scents of creosote, sage, and desert spices. Unlike Nevada, the misty rain of Middle Earth carries with it the earthy fragrances of the soil and the lush greenery.

However, today's rain feels different, an icy chill that seems uncharacteristic of the season. It isn't until now that I realize how much I miss the warmth of the desert rain. "If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops oh what a rain it would be!" I sing to myself as we trudge through the dripping cold rain, which splatters and soaks everything it touches.

Middle Earth is not warm; there's no hint of global warming happening in this realm. I plod along on the back of my poor, wet pony, listening to the ominous thunder rolls that serve as a constant reminder that we are riding animals with metal horseshoes.

'Wet pony' might not rival 'wet dog,' but the scent lingers. Sir Gallahop, trudges along in line behind the other sopping-wet ponies, displaying dogged determination. He's a trooper, this one.

I stop my singing, giving an involuntary shiver. 'Ugh, what I wouldn't give for a hot bath right about now,' I mutter, teeth chattering.

"Oh, don't be such a princess," Bofur snorts, "I've never heard someone talk about hot baths as much as you do."

I roll my eyes at him, and my chattering continues uncontrollably. "Yeah, w-well, I used to take them every day! And on this adventure, I haven't had o-one in a month! I smell like a ponyz. G-gosh, it's so c-c-cold!"

"Gandalf! Can't you do something about this weather?" Dori asks, annoyance at the cold evident in his voice as well.

"It is raining, master dwarf, and it will continue to rain until the rain is done," Gandalf responds, sounding exasperated.

Since we're all annoyed at this point, and I'm still upset that Gandalf won't call the eagles, I pipe up, "I'd like to d-draw everyone's attention to the fact that Gandalf did NOT say that he couldn't do anything about the rain. Therefore, we can only conclude that he is merely allowing us to go on in m-misery!"

I notice Thorin glancing behind and watching me. He's been doing that a lot since we put the Azog situation behind us for now. I'm sure it's still been in the back of his mind, though.

Gandalf replies, his tone dripping with haughtiness, "If you want something done about the rain, find another wizard!"

"Again, please take note, my fellow companions, that he didn't say he c-couldn't do anything about the rain..."

Bilbo then asks about the other wizards in the world, and Gandalf proceeds to ignore me and tell him all about them. The white evil one, the blue unimportant ones, and the brown one.

"Is Radagast a great wizard? Or...is he more like you?" Bilbo asks. His voice portrays innocence, yet a sly glance in my direction tells me otherwise.

I bark out a laugh but a strong shiver rolls through my body, making my laugh sound like I'm choking. I think I'm rubbing off on the polite hobbit. I shake my head, trying to regain composure, and then address Bilbo, "Gandalf's a f-fire wizard or something. Much more powerful than he p-pretends to be."

Gandalf turns and glares a warning look at me. But I ignore it and instead, give him a cheeky smile. My shivers sort of take away the effect though.

"You can create heat and light with your s-staff! Do us a f-favor and warm us all up!" I huff.

Initially, I had managed to ignore the numbing sensation, but now my body feels like it's spasming beyond my control. What I wouldn't give for a warm fluffy blanket or a heater right now.

Gandalf's annoyed glare at my persistence that he can fix things abruptly turns concerned as he finally takes notice of how cold I am.

"Thorin," He calls loudly up to the front in his gravely old voice, and Thorin turns in his seat to look back at us, "Perhaps it is time to seek shelter? Some of our company need warmth more than others."

Thorin's eyes immediately shift towards me, and I quickly straighten up, pressing my lips into a thin line to prevent them from trembling. I can't let him think I'm weak. But it seems my efforts are in vain, as he frowns upon noticing my pitiful shivering. He nods, pulling his black pony to a halt. "Let's get a fire going. Everyone, collect six pieces of the driest wood you can find."

We guide our ponies off to the side, the poor beasts as wet and cold as the rest of us. Gandalf, finally behaving kindly, takes charge and starts a fire for us by lighting a stick he holds in his hands and places it underneath the other wood gathered. I extend my chilled appendages towards the fire's warm glow, sighing in relief as the immediate warmth soothes my tingling fingers. The thunder rumbles once again, this time closer, but I pay it no mind. I've always loved the lightning and thunder, often climbing up on the roof of our house with my brothers to watch it in the distance during the monsoon season.

"Well! Now that's all settled, how about getting some dinner on the fire? I'll be back momentarily." Gandalf says, looking off into the distance.

As Gandalf walks away from the camp, a sense of unease settles over me. It's the first time he has left us since the journey began, and his absence leaves an eerie void. But since he did it with a lot more frequency in the book, it should be fine, right?

Unfortunately, with Gandalf gone, not even ten minutes can pass without everything going to hell in a handbasket.

"Grab three onions from Honey's pack, will you Peyton?" Bombur asks me from where we sit close to the fire on a log as he expertly plucks the feathers of the pheasant Fili had shot and I chop the potatoes.

"You got it, boss."

I head over to Honey, trying to remember which pack the onions are in when suddenly, disaster strikes. The air feels electrified as a bolt of lightning screams down from the sky into the camp. It illuminates the forest with a brilliant white flash and a deafening CRACK! The space shakes inside my lungs like a drum. A tree explodes into splinters, shooting out in a deadly spray.

My ears ring, feeling as if they've been stuffed with cotton. The dwarves' voices and the pony's screams suddenly sound distant and muted. My heart pumps all my blood to my cold muscles, warming me faster than the fire had. The smell of ozone prickles my nose and my hair stands on end from the residual static in the air. Everyone scrambles to their feet, the force having knocked some of the dwarves down.

The ponies rear and buck in panic, while one of them bolts past me and off into the woods. It's Honey, the one carrying all of our food.

The dwarves are too busy with the other frightened animals to notice her running away so I sprint after her without a second thought. My breaths come in short gasps while chasing after the stupid pony. I follow the direction her hoofprints make in the soft wet dirt, and do my best to listen for her frightened snorting.

She hasn't gone too far, only about a minute away. I spot her and groan. The stupid animal is prancing at the edge of a river, her legs shaky as she contemplates jumping in. How is THAT going to help anything? My brain niggles as it tries to remind me of something. Didn't something like this happen in the book?

I talk gently, softly sing-songing her name as I make my way over to her, "Honey? Hooooonnnnneeeeeey...it's ok. It'll be ok."

The poor animal vibrates with pent-up energy, her hindquarters quivering at the edge of the river, spooked by that lightning strike that had been so close. My ears are still ringing from it and I can barely hear myself speaking. I don't even register someone calling my name from somewhere in the woods behind me from camp.

"Shhh, shhhh...You don't want to jump into that water, Honey. It's deep and cold and will make you super wet."

I'm so close! Just a little bit more...

"Gotcha!" I whisper triumphantly as I grab her reigns and begin to pull her head away from facing the treacherous edge. I turn her around just as Fili and Kili run through the trees towards me.

"Peyton! What were you thinking?! Don't go running off like that!" Kili cries, his eyes wide.

I stare at him confused, "I was just getting the po-"

"We've got to get back to camp. Nori's hurt." Fili abruptly cuts me off, his eyes also wide and a bit frightened. He grabs the reigns from my confused hands before turning and running back the way we've just come without another word. Honey trots unwillingly behind him. Kili then turns and runs as well.

My brain didn't seem to translate their words into any sense. "What do you mean? What happened to Nori?!" I call after them, bewildered and slowly jog after them.

"The lightning struck him!" Kili yells over his shoulder.

My heart stops. "What?!" I choke in panic, running faster. He must be mistaken. This never happened in the story!

"Thorin told us to go after you since you ran away without telling anyone," Fili says over his shoulder. "Oin's treating him right now. Come on!"

We run faster, booking it back to camp. He's fine. He has to be. Nori has plot armor like the rest of them.

We make it back to camp faster than it took me to find Honey and my stomach lodges up high in my throat as I see Ori and Dori kneeling on the dirty ground, holding their brother to them as they cry. Nori's eyes are closed and he lies on the ground motionless.

Oin is nearby, but he's not doing anything. Just standing there with a broken expression. They all are. Bilbo's face is white and he looks like he's seen a ghost. What are they doing?!

"How long has he been like this!?" I demand, running over to where Dori and Ori are holding him. "Where the hell is Gandalf?!"

They all look at me in surprise at the frantic anger in my voice.

"Uhm...about three minutes?" Gloin replies quietly since Oin doesn't seem to hear me.

I kneel down beside Nori, saying to Ori and Dori, "Have any of you started CPR?!"

At their blank looks, I feel the blood drain from my face. No CPR in Middle Earth. Gandalf isn't here. Oin can't do anything...

There's only one person that can do anything. It's me. I have to do something.

"Dori, Ori, I need you to lie him down flat on his back," I order, shedding my coat. Determination replaces my panic as I prepare to perform CPR for the first time in my life.

Their eyes stare at me, unseeing.

"I'm going to save him!" I insist, frantic at their strange inactivity.

"He's dead, Lass." Dwalin says gruffly, his face sad as he stands nearby, "There's nothing you can do."

Thorin watches on with a pained look on his face, his eyes never leaving Nori's. He's obviously taking the blame for Nori's situation on his own shoulders. Oh, no he doesn't! He can't!

"Take off his coat." I order Dori and Ori, "I need full access to his chest." When Dori and Ori don't move, just staring at me, I snap, "Do it NOW!"

Dori jumps into action, unbuttoning Nori's coat even as I finally finish removing my own in order to free my arms. The rain around us is still going, and I'm already cold. But I need my arms to not be hindered by the leather of my coat if I am going to do this properly. I've never done this before. My breaths are heavy but at the same time, my mind is clear. Laser-focused.

"Miss Peyton, I checked his pulse. He's gone." Oin says, holding his earpiece to his ear, his face an expression of pity and sorrow.

He's not able to die. It's not allowed.

"I'm going to restart his heart. If his heart is stopped for longer than 5 minutes without CPR, he will die.", my voice is clipped and hard, sounding so unlike me. My panic seems to have transformed into something else- an intense resolve. Almost like tunnel vision with all my focus on this one thing. Nori. No one else exists. And I'm ready to go to war with anyone who tries to stop me.

"Truly? You-you can bring him back?" Ori asks tearfully, barely daring to hope.

I glance up at Ori's face and my resolve hardens. "I will try."

And then, without further ado, for the first time in my life, I begin the steps to perform CPR on another living being. Oxygen first, since I don't know how long he's been without it. Tilting his head back, ignoring his strange mustache, and opening his mouth; I take a deep breath and then seal my lips over his. A steady breath of air leaves my lungs and into his. Once. Twice.

"What are you doing?!" A few of the dwarves gasp angrily, stepping forward. "Have you no respect for the dead?!"

I ignore them, breaths done and begin compressions. I talk myself through it as if I was instructing myself, feeling strangely grounded in the moment and at the same time weightless as if I'm simply an observer, "Ok, Peyton, just like they taught you at First Aid: Hand over hand forming a fist, the heel of the palm over the sternum, and then push down."

I have to push down hard, all the weight of my body centered over my arms because Nori's sternum is harder than I anticipated. As a dwarf, it feels like his bones are stronger. I need to push down hard enough that he's in danger of his bones being broken. This is going to be more difficult than I thought. If his chest isn't sore after this, I didn't do my job well enough.

I count aloud to drown out the shocked words, confused questions, and gruff demands around me and to keep my FAST rhythm. For that moment, Nori and I are the only two people that exist, "One, and two, and three, and four, and five, and six, and seven, and eight, and nine, and ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen... " Eventually the company can't help but quiet down to watch as I count to thirty.

This time I warn them what I'm about to do as I shout loudly, still talking myself through it, "Two breaths! One!" Blow. "Two!" Blow.

And it begins again.

Each compression is a symphony of desperation and determination, my hands pushing down on his chest with all my might, the bone-deep thud of my efforts reverberating through my body.

"Come on Nori. Come on Nori." I murmur to him.

As I kneel beside Nori's lifeless form, the storm rages on around us, the sound of rain and thunder echoing through the forest. The cold and wet conditions make the task even more challenging, but there's no time to lose. My heart races as I continue chest compressions, trying to remember if there's anything I'm forgetting. Is there a step of the CPR training I received years ago in the modern world that I forgot to do?

Oh yeah! I forgot to call 911. Hah.

Where's Gandalf!? I could use him right about now!

"Come on, Nori. Come on." I mutter under my breath, alternating between chest compressions and rescue breaths. The dwarves are silent by my side, their expressions a mix of fear and confusion and perhaps even tentative hope.

It feels like an eternity, that I press on his chest. With each compression, I desperately will the life back into Nori's still form, my determination unwavering even though I feel my body get more and more tired. I won't stop. Even if I have to go for the next few hours until Gandalf gets here, I won't give up! He's got plot armor damn it! I don't care if I have to continue doing this all night. Nori WILL. NOT. DIE!

And then, like a miracle, Nori's chest heaves upwards, and sputters and coughs escape his lips. His chest rises as he takes in ragged breaths.

My eyes brim with relieved tears, and intense joy washes over me like a river. The amazed shouts and gasps of the company sound in my ears around me and I collapse beside him, gasping for air myself. My body trembles from the tremendous effort and the cold. This is the first time I have ever saved a life and brought someone back from the brink of death. I had quite literally breathed life back into him. Despite my resolve to do so, I almost can't believe I've actually succeeded.

Nori's eyes slowly flutter open, and he blinks up at his brothers, dazed and disoriented. "What... what happened?"

"You were struck by lightning!" Dori explains, his voice shaky. "But you're alive! You're-You're going to be okay! Miss Peyton brought you back!"

I can barely sense the commotion from the company around me, my eyes riveted on Ori and Dori's happy faces as they both crush their brother with hugs, tears streaming down their cheeks as they cling to him.

"Guys, guys, give him some air." I half-heartedly reprimand them, but they immediately obey and turn to me instead. It's my turn to give an "Ooomph!" as I'm pulled into a bone-crushing hug by Dori and then Ori as they offer me their most heartfelt thanks, their face relieved and grateful beyond belief, "Thank you, Peyton! Thank you!"

"Call me Pey," I say as tears come to my own eyes and I hug them back, all of us sharing in the joy of having one of our own return to us.

The other dwarves have all surrounded us, collective sighs of relief and hearty laughter and a few tears certainly. Bombur is a crying mess and Thorin's eyes are tender as he steps forward, offering Nori a strong hand to help him sit up from where he's lying down.

Nori, now fully conscious, grimaces weakly once he's in a sitting position. "Argh. My chest hurts. What happened?"

"Peyton saved you! She restarted your heart and breathed air into you!" Ori says, eyes amazed.

Nori frowns in confusion, "Breathed air into me? How did she breathe ai-?" His eyes widen and he looks at me in shock, "You mean she...?" He points at his mouth, "On my...?"

They nod at him and he looks me up and down before cursing in that strange language of his and then saying, "My first kiss and I wasn't even awake for it!"

My mouth drops open even as the Bofur laughs loudly and gives Nori hearty back claps, "Glad to have ye back, Nori."

I give a shocked laugh-gasp as well, while the dwarves offer relieved chuckles grateful that he's definitely still alive and the same old Nori.

Noticing the scandalized and red faces of Dori, Ballin, and Gloin, I quickly deny it, "That was NOT a kiss! I was breathing air into your lungs, Nori. That was in no way a kiss."

"Yeah, but your mouth was on my mouth!" He says, his eyes wide as if the thought was mind-boggling.

I shake my head and laugh tiredly at his expression, "It's called cardiac-pulmonary resuscitation, Nori. Or C.P.R. for short. In my world, we have a machine that can shock your chest to restart your heart and a device to hold over your face that will push air into your lungs. But since that isn't available, I had to perform it manually."

I try to stand up but I collapse back down from exhaustion. Since I took my waterproof coat off to allow me more movement, the only thing that kept me warm was my fiery determination to save Dori. Now I'm soaked to the bone from the rain, more chilled than I was before. Because I had been working so hard to push down on his very firm chest, I had been sweating despite the cold, and now my shivering is worse. It's getting harder and harder to speak.

The dwarves rush to where I sit, asking if I'm ok. I grab the nearest hand offered to me and get pulled onto my feet, coming face to face with Thorin as he helps me stand up.

"You saved Nori's life," he says quietly, his eyes reflecting gratitude and concern.

I offer a weary smile, as I violently start to shiver. "J-just d-doing what n-n-needed to be done." I wrap my arms around myself as the rain continues to fall around us, my legs don't want to move and my whole body shakes from head to toe, teeth clattering so hard against each other that they hurt.

He frowns, his gaze lingering on me for a moment before he shrugs his coat off, "Here."

I stare at him in shocked surprise as he wraps his own coat around me, the warmth instantly encompassing me and I huddle into the warmth, grateful. He turns before I can say anything and addresses the rest of the company, his voice strong and reassuring. "Get the fire back on. We'll need to take cover under the trees and pitch up the tarps. We will see how things look at first light, but for now, let us rest and recover from this ordeal."

We slowly and steadily get back on track to secure our campsite, making sure the ponies are tied securely and their packs are taken off of them, all the while Gloin and Bifur try to get the fire burning again. It had gone out in the rain with no one to focus on it and the wood we had gathered is now too wet to use. The thunder slowly gets farther away but the light has become dimmer with the encroaching darkness of sunset.

I'm not much help cutting potatoes anymore since my violent shivering won't let me hold a knife. Bombur smiles, "Sit down Peyton, Gloin will get the fire going and there will be some hot stew to warm you right up."

If everything goes like I think it will though, there's not going to be a fire tonight. As I suspect, Gloin for some reason cannot get a single spark when usually he can start a fire from anything. I stare at his strong hands holding the stubborn flint and steel that is usually so easy for him to work with. This time it refuses to light any dry thing he offers it. The air is too moist, I realize. I remember this scene from the book. But...it's different. It's all so different. What does this mean?

The pony, Honey, was supposed to jump into that river, but I stopped her so we didn't lose all our food. Kili was supposed to almost drown as he tried to save the pony in my place, but instead, Nori almost died by lightning. The fire won't start tonight AND Gandalf is gone.

I've changed things. Me, Peyton Silva! I changed the story!

I remain silent and shivering, focusing on taking deep breaths to calm the fear I feel in my heart as I inwardly freak out. Do I want things to change? That's what I'm here for, right? But getting Nori hit by lighting? How did I cause that? Was it because Thorin stopped here because I was cold, instead of further up the river?

What's worse is I'm too cold to think properly. My teeth hurt from hitting each other so much and Thorin's jacket has slowly lost its warmth, doing nothing for my cold legs and feet. My shivering has turned into numbness, deeper than before and I can barely feel the cold anymore. It's more of a vibrating now, rather than shivering.

Someone comes to stand in front of me, and it takes me longer than usual to look up. It's Oin, looking down at me with a frown on his face. "Come lass, we need to get you into dry clothing."

He leads me away from the group to a place that no one can see, a tarp already set up for changing. Oin works quickly and effectively. "Clothes off, lass." He orders.

"I BEG your pardon?" I try and say, but it comes out as "I b-b-beg-uh, y-u-ur, p-p-p-pardon?" My lips refuse to form words the way I want them to.

"Those wet clothes are leeching heat from your body, Miss Peyton." Oin says, his worried voice gruff, "If you don't change clothes you'll get too cold. Get all the wet clothes off, and change into something light and airy."

He hands me my bag, and I fumble with the flap, my fingers not wanting to work. He watches me for a moment, before taking it away from me and opening it himself before rummaging through the meager clothing I have. He hands me the dry underwear, pants, and shirt I need before turning to look away.

It's torture to get changed. Besides the violent shaking, my fingers are numb and don't obey my commands. They keep slipping and skipping over my buttons. But I will NOT ask Oin to help me. I'd rather the Valar kill me which, surprisingly, might just happen as I worriedly notice the very red color at the very tips of my fingers. Frost nip. The first step to frostbite.

That scary thoguht makes me focus extra hard and luckily (eventually) I'm able to get everything off and then struggle with the dry shirt and pants on. I stand there in my dry clothes, barely feeling them against my skin, under the temporary canopy the dwarves had set up.

I don't realize that Oin has come up to me until I feel his warm hand on my shoulder.

"Come lass, let's get some hot food into you."

He steers me where I need to go. Where is Gandalf? I feel disoriented but less cold than before.

There is no hot food because the fire is not able to start, just like in the story with Gloin cursing and furious. The mood progressively gets more frustrated as the dwarves all begin huddle around Gloin and even take it from him to try and light it themselves. But it's if a spell has been cast and the fire simply refuses to light. Our residential Fire Wizard is nowhere to be found...and yet...I can't help but think that this night could be worse. The company all continue to cast relieved and grateful glances over to Nori who is alive, his brothers holding him close to their hearts as they offer him some water and a sandwich Bombur has begun making everyone due to the lack of a fire. We're all counting our blessings. This cold rainy night could be much much worse.

I put my red fingers under my armpits, something I learned in the movie 'Batman Begins'. Besides that though, I don't know what else to do. In basic first aid class, they taught me that I need to get the patient somewhere warm. But there's no fire and, unfortunately, Middle Earth doesn't have many warm places unless you count volcanoes in Mordor and mines full of Balrogs. I'm at a dangerous point, because with how long I've been cold, my body isn't able to produce enough heat to sustain me so Thorin's coat can't trap much inside. I huddle in his coat, the fur from the colar tickling my cheeks. It smells distinctly 'Thorin'-esque and I feel touched by his kind gesture.

I have only one option at this point. I need an external source of heat. And without a fire, that leaves me only one option: body heat. But…I don't want to ask for it. There has to be some other way. Any other way. Isn't it crazy that even at death's doorstep, I'm embarrassed to ask for someone to cuddle with me? The dwarves were embarrassed and scandalized when I gave mouth-to-mouth breaths to Nori. How would they react if I ask for a snuggle?

Even though I'm slowly freezing to death, it could be worse. We could have a dead Nori, no fire, AND be starving from Honey losing all our provisions. All in all, this night is a good one!

"Now then, lass!" Oin sits next to me, excitement about him as he holds the trumpet up to his ear. "Tell me everything about this Cee-Pee-Arr, that you mentioned! I want to learn it."

Bombur comes over to me at the same time, an extra large sandwich prepared with the food I saved on Honey's back. Cheese and salted meat, between bread. He serves me with a bigger and warmer smile than usual, "Here Miss Peyton! I hope this will help heat you right up!"

I try to respond and tell him "Thank you" but I can't. My whole body feels…strange. I vaguely realize that my sandwich has spilled from my chilled hands onto the floor. Awww, I wanted to eat that!

I hear frantic calling above me, "Miss Peyton! Miss Peyton!" and a bunch of figures are moving around me speaking in Dwarvish and English. How did I get on the floor? That's weird. Ehh, I'm so tired though so it's fine. So tired. I'm sure if I sleep, I'll feel better tomorrow. I feel a searing hot hand on my head and I gasp, opening my eyes. It's Oin, examining me. Did he stick his hand in a fire or something?! Oh wait...there is no fire.

"She's hypothermic." He yells loudly. I wince. Just because you're deaf doesn't mean all of us are, buddy!

Aw, crap. Hypothermia. Not good. And it's only going to get colder as the night drags on without a fire. I don't feel so cold anymore though, which is nice. I drift into a delirious state, wondering if I'll ever make it back home after this ordeal. Will death transport me back to Earth once it's over? Amidst the chaos, I hear Thorin's furious voice, Ori and Dori's anxious murmurs, and Bilbo sputtering at my side. Their voices blend into a jumble of words, and I let it all wash over me as I close my eyes, craving sleep. Annoyingly, Oin continues to rub my shoulders, determined to keep me awake. I want to protest, but my lips won't cooperate.

Oin's voice is urgent by my ear, "We must warm her blood slowly. Going back to her heart too fast will fail her. She needs body heat." Oin's hand slides over Thorin's coat and onto my arm as he pleads, 'Open your eyes, Lass. No sleeping.

I feebly try to bat his hand away but my arm muscles aren't coordinated.

It's disheartening to feel like I've failed even before I began. I didn't get to save the line of Durin. However, I did manage to save Nori's life. I cling to that achievement, feeling proud that I channeled my fear into helping him, rather than succumbing to panic.

Oin's voice is clinical and resolute as he addresses his King and the company.

In the background, I hear voices volunteering for something, all while Oin continues to rub my shoulders and arms, causing discomfort. Among the voices, Thorin's stands out with unwavering determination. His voice, I think to myself, is quite handsome.

Suddenly, I feel weightless, lifted from where I had fallen and gently placed on something softer—it feels like a bedroll. As I lie there, someone begins to open my coat, or technically Thorin's coat, and I'm enveloped in the delicious warmth of another person lying beside me. Their back, clad in a cozy shirt, presses against me as they lie on their side, facing away. I exhale in relief and snuggle myself closer, unable to identify who it is but grateful for their comforting heat. They radiate warmth like a furnace, and I shiver with contentment as my body starts to respond.

As I lay there, someone else joins me at my back, sandwiching me between two warm dwarves. Oh, the bliss!

But then, reality hit me like a cold splash of water. This is highly inappropriate!

In a strange hallucinatory panic, I force my eyes open, but the darkness offers no clues about their identities. The sun has long disappeared, and without a fire, all remains shrouded in shadows. I can sense that both dwarves are facing away from me, as if trying to preserve my modesty while offering me help. I suspect that Dori is sleeping in front of me, and Ori behind me. It warms my heart to know they care!

Despite how this situation might be perceived, I know it's innocent. They're simply trying to repay me for saving their brother. And on a positive note, unlike Kili and Fili, the two dwarves with me don't snore.

After five minutes sandwiched between two uncomfortably warm dwarves, my skin begins to absorb their heat. Ten minutes later, my cold vibrating escalates back into violent shudders as my body awakens once more to the need to fight for survival. Oin assures my two heating pads that this is normal, that shivering is better than the still sleepiness I had succumbed to.

Finally, after an hour, I feel completely warm, still, and pleasantly drowsy. Almost asleep, I nestle my chilly nose into Thorin's fur coat, facing Dori's back.

Only one thing is missing. "Thank you," I murmur to them as my eyes close, and I feel myself slipping away into peaceful dreams.

Early morning comes and I'm wrapped in delicious heat. I don't want to wake up. Something smells amazing.

"Mmmmm," I murmur, snuggling my cold nose deep into the source of the inviting aroma—my firm, warm pillow. I slowly open my eyes only to then freeze...

My firm pillow is a muscled arm covered in a long-sleeve blue shirt. With a sense of dread, I slowly trace the arm upward and realize its owner is awake, observing my embarrassing moment of stuffing my nose into his arm.

Thorin and I lay there, watching each other as if a snake is about to strike.

Eventually, I have to speak before things get too awkward. "Umm, Thorin? What are you doing in my bed?" I blurt out. It's a valid question but I shouldn't jump to conclusions, I caution myself. Thorin isn't the type to casually invade someone's bed without reason. At least, I had always thought so...

His eyes flicker all over my face for a few seconds before responding, "You were cold so I kept you warm last night."

The strange event from yesterday comes filtering back to me. I had been slowly fading away...and Thorin saved me?

I feel more coherent than yesterday. My muscles are a bit stiff from sleeping in the same position all night, but I'm warm from my head to my toes. Especially my face.

"So...uh, that wasn't Ori or Dori last night? I thought you were Dori." I murmur, my face warming.

"Ori slept next to Nori to keep him warm. And Dori is behind you."

Curiosity gets the better of me, and I sit up to verify Thorin's words, instantly regretting it as the morning chill greets me. The sunrise is still about half an hour away, and the remnants of last night's rain has kept everything cool. The rest of the company is fast asleep and I give a small yelp as the cold nips at my warm skin before quickly huddling myself back down next to him again.

Thorin emits a throaty chuckle, and I glance up at his face, taken aback.

His eyes have closed again, but an amused smile plays on his lips. Every inch of me tenses as he lifts the blanket I had displaced and covers both of us with it, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

My heart races in my ears. Dealing with an angry Thorin is one thing, but this peaceful, amused version of him? In my BED?! Who is he?

"And I believe this is my bedroll and coat that you're in," he said, his voice laced with a hint of amusement, as if he had heard my thoughts or was simply continuing with my original accusation.

I lay there, wide-eyed, feeling his warmth, his breath, his heartbeat. We aren't pressed up against each other, and there is nothing inappropriate happening—except when I rubbed my face into his arm.

Still, it is officially the most embarrassing (and intimate) way I have ever woken up. Thorin, an extremely attractive male, has essentially been forced to sleep beside me to keep me warm. If this doesn't scream 'I'm a helpless female who needs saving by a big strong man,' then I don't know what does. We had even argued about me coming along because I was considered a liability!

I turn my head to look at Dori behind me. He is slumbering away next to us and isn't even up against me to warm me anymore. He must have moved away during the night while asleep whereas Thorin accidentally turned around while asleep and is now the only one giving me any warmth. I lay there, processing this strange situation.

"I'm sorry," I finally say, confusion and embarrassment tingeing my words. I seem to be apologizing to Thorin a lot on this journey.

His eyes open immediately, focusing on mine, face too close.

"I'm sorry you had to do this. I know I'm a liability, but I've been trying really hard not to be."

Thorin remains quiet for a moment, his gaze unwavering. My face grows even warmer under his scrutiny. Finally, he speaks, his voice gentle, "It's not your fault Gloin and Oin couldn't start a fire. And you saved Nori's life with your CPR. You're not as much of a liability as I originally thought, Miss Peyton."

My heart flutters uncontrollably, and I smile at him, genuinely happy. Thorin's eyes sharpen on my face, flickering down toward my smiling lips for a brief moment before he closes them once more, his throat giving a slight bob and his face turning a slight pink.

My smile fades to an embarrassed frown. He must be uncomfortable with this whole situation. Thorin is a proper gentleman, and he would never have chosen to be in this position with me if there had been another option. I wish I could make his life easier instead of always complicated things. To be fair though, he complicates my life JUST as much.

A more pressing concern soon takes hold, though—my bladder is about to burst.

"Thorin?" I whisper again.

He snaps his eyes open once more, dark eyelashes framing his blue eyes.

"I need to get up now," I murmur softly, not wanting to disturb the others.

He obliges, opening the blanket to the chilly air, and allowing me to pull away. I groan as I stand, my joints popping, and my body feels horribly stiff. My muscles ache worse than they ever have in my life. They had worked hard last night, trembling continuously to keep me warm, and I've been sleeping in the same position all night. I usually have to change positions multiple times at night.

I hobble cautiously around the dwarves as best as I can to slip out from under the tarp stretched between four different trees. I don't dare glance back to check if Thorin is watching me.

The forest smells of wet soil and humid trees, creating a fresh and vibrant atmosphere. The sun is high and bright, seeming to be around 9am, causing the humidity to dance around the forest with small, puffy white clouds.

I glare up at the sky. The cheerful sun above seems to taunt me, as if it's saying, "I froze you yesterday, and now I'll scorch you today! Ha ha ha!"

Far from the company, I relieve myself by a tree. On my way back, my arms and legs twinge as I stretch them, attempting to alleviate the stiffness and ache.

Oin is waiting for me at the edge of the tarp. I get the feeling that Thorin woke him up to inform him I'm awake. "How are you feeling?" He asks, watching the way I hobble with a sharp eye. My muscles are sore.

I grin and answer softly, "Well, I'm not dead, so all things considered, I feel great!"

His eyes soften as he smiles, "I can't hear ye lass, but I can tell from your smile that you're doing a lot better."

I nod and come up to him and put a hand on his arm, deliberately making eye contact, "Thank you." I mouth the words, giving his arm a grateful squeeze. I owe my life to him and Thorin. I witnessed how he took charge yesterday, even though it had been an awkward situation for everyone.

Two lives were saved yesterday.

He nods, offering a tender, fatherly smile. "You're welcome, Miss Peyton."

I glance past him at the rest of the sleeping company. Despite the sunlight, they're all snoring away. Looking at Nori, I notice Ori cuddled up at his side, and I smile.

Oin seems to sense where my thoughts are wandering, and he says, "We won't be traveling today."

I look back at him in surprise, and he explains, "The company was up most of the night worrying, so Thorin decided we will all take this day to rest and recover."

Wow. Thorin hasn't allowed us a single rest day in the past month of traveling. But I'm still very tired and achy, and I'm sure it was hard for Thorin to sleep next to a cold shivering person, so the chance to relax is more than welcome. I just hope I won't develop a cold.

A dreadful dilemma suddenly grips me. Should I return to sleep beside Thorin, or should I unfurl my sleeping bag and sleep next to Bilbo, who has a vacant spot beside him? My mind races with a dozen conflicting thoughts. What if Thorin's warmth wasn't done just out of duty, but out of genuine concern for me? On the other hand, what if he's secretly relieved that I left, finally free of the burden of a shivering human clinging to him? Maybe it's just my own insecurity and anxiety talking and sleeping next to me is not as burdensome as I think. But what if it is? What if I return, and he's actually annoyed and embarrassed that he still has to keep me warm?

Argh! This is why I avoid getting into situations like this at all cost! I shouldn't have to make such choices. I can tease Thorin endlessly and all day long, but when it comes to actions, I'm all bark and no bite.

"Get some rest, Lass. Breakfast will be a little late today," Oin kindly pats me on the back.

Oin returns to his spot, and I glance over at Thorin, seemingly asleep next to Dori. There's a space between them that's just right for me, warm and inviting, yet uncertainty gnaws at me once more. Memories of last night reveal overlooked details from my delirious state. I recall that many in the company had volunteered to help me, but Thorin took it upon himself because he's a true leader. He shoulders the difficult tasks so his people won't have to. It's the only explanation.

I desperately yearn to go over there, to lay down beside Thorin as if it's where I belong, to playfully tease him to give me back his arm so I can have a pillow again. I would turn my back towards him and find contentment in the warmth of his strong presence as I fall back asleep. (And he smells absolutely amazing.)

But by this point my insecurity has loudly poked my pride awake (that stubborn pride within me) which yawns and stretches its claws, accesses the situation, and now joins forces with my insecurity by resisting the blissful peace such a position beside Thorin would afford me. I despise feeling like a burden. I don't want to impose on him any more than necessary. Deep down, I worry that he might secretly resent being thrust into this situation. I don't want to irritate him to the point where he regrets his kindness toward me.

So, I resort to what I do best: distancing myself. I keep my distance because... I'm afraid.

It's a deep-seated fear that has its bitter roots in my past experiences in high school, where cruel classmates shaped my dread. I'm terrified that if I let my guard down if I truly be myself and allow myself to be comfortable and happy around others, they will reject me. They'll see the loser beneath the confident facade I wear—a nobody.

Right now, the dwarves believe I'm unique. A sassy and opinionated stranger from another world with knowledge of the future, who sings funny songs and has the impossible power to restart silent hearts with her bare hands. Here, I feel more special than I ever did back home, where I lived in the shadow of five older and accomplished brothers whom I struggled to keep up with. If the company knew who Peyton Silva really was...they would find an ordinary, unremarkable person.

If I keep my cards close to my chest, maybe I can keep them intrigued. Maybe they will continue to be interested and enjoy my company. And with that damning thought, I go to my pack to retrieve my bedroll and lay it down next to Bilbo.

"Peyton! You're ok!" He whispers groggily when he sees who it is. He moves to get up.

"Shh!" I hush him, worried about waking everyone else. "Yes. I'm ok. Just tired."

He nods, "We were all very worried about you. You couldn't talk, couldn't respond. We feared the worst."

I smile at him, "Aww, thanks buddy. I'm alright now, just a bit sore."

I notice a movement to my side and see that Thorin has risen and is striding out into the forest. I stare after him, thinking perhaps he's just going off to use the restroom like I did. However, something about the clenched fists at his side and the tense posture in his shoulders give me the impression that he's upset. A twinge of worry grips me.

He couldn't possibly be upset at me for trying to relieve him of his embarrassing task...

Could he?

End of Chapter

Wow. Well, that was in tents! I mean intense...

Ahhh, Peyton. She totally misread that situation. She was just trying to make things easier on him. But, in his mind, she basically rejected him after he had kept her warm all night and said with her actions that she prefers to sleep next to Bilbo. It's sad, isn't it, that sometimes when we're trying to do something good, we end up doingexactly what we were trying to avoid and hurt others?

I don't foresee Thorin treating Bilbo kindly anytime soon... :(

If you have any comments, complaints, fears, hopes, or dreams- feel free to leave them in the comment section and I'll be sure my secretary gets them to me :3