Sam hadn't seen his younger self in the two hours after Cas and the two Deans left.

At seven, he decided to knock on the door of the room they had set up. He waited for a quiet invitation before opening the door. "Hey. Thought I'd ask if you wanted some dinner."

Young Sam looked up slowly, sighing before nodding his head. "Yeah." He said softly.

Sam had guessed what Young Dean and him had talked about before they left. He had a hard time thinking of what it would have been like to get the news that everyone you know is dead at that age. "Mac and cheese?"

Young Sam considered it. "From the box?" He waited for a nod. "Alright." He pulled himself up and off the bed, following Sam across the bunker to the kitchen.

Sam let himself take a seat at the table while he got things out to make food. Dean had grabbed just about everything he could remember that they were living off of at the motel back then.

That being said, he didn't stop at funyuns and grabbed some carrots from the fridge before he started a pot of water on the stove.

His younger self watched him get to work on food. "Normally Dean is making dinner."

Sam smiled. "He still does, a lot." Sam shrugged. "Well, we get a lot of take-out but-" He finished cutting the carrots, throwing them in a bowl and putting it on the table next to his younger self.

Young Sam inspected the carrots for a moment before he grabbed one. "Dean says we still have friends." He wanted to hear about them. He wanted to hear that they lost people but they weren't alone. Cas already was a comfort but… "Jody… she's a friend?"

"Yeah. A good one. She lives up in Sioux Falls. She took in a couple kids who got caught up in hunting. Claire and Alex. And another friend, Donna, just moved up there and works at the same sheriff's station now."

"They're cops?" Young Sam asked.

"Yeah. Long story." And the start of it was far too complicated and more than a little sore.

"Do you hunt werewolves a lot?"

"More these days. Werewolves and Vampires are more common in the last few years."

"Vampires?"

"Oh…" Sam sputtered. "Uh, yeah. Vampires."

Young Sam shut his mouth. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to know or not. He decided to table it for now. "How long have we lived here?" He gestured around him.

"About four years."

"It's so… nice."

"We really lucked out." Sam agreed. "It's been nice, not having to move around constantly."

"A home..."

"Well, a home base anyway." Sam said with a slight shrug.

"Yeah."

Sam threw the pasta in the water as soon as it came to a boil. He thought back to when he was that age. He had a picture of life… he still had the hope that one day he'd be able to balance a normal life with hunting.

"Tell me something."

"What?"

"Something that happens to us." Young Sam pressed.

Sam hesitated, mind flashing instantly to a dozen sharp points, each with their own entangled story. He made a decision on how he wanted to edit. "We go to college at Stanford, in California." He said, watching his younger self's eyes light up.

"What did you go for?"

"Pre-law."

Young Sam considered that. "What happened?"

"It ended up not being for me." Sam said with a shrug. "But I figured things out."

"And now you hunt… just on your own?"

"With Dean." Sam tried to assure him.

Young Sam shifted slightly. "I just mean… it has to be different… without Dad." He said slowly, looking hesitant. "Is it different?"

Sam sighed, posture deflating slightly. "Yes." He said firmly.

"Is it better?"

"Yes."

Young Sam looked down to study the carrot he was holding, letting that sink in. He couldn't quite sort out the mixture of feelings he had about that. For all his flaws, he loved his dad, but it was hard sometimes.

There were a lot of days he far preferred the times when it was just him and Dean.

Young Sam shook his head slightly. "I can't imagine it."

"You will."

"Yeah." Young Sam said, thoughtfully.

.

The turn signal was loud after the dead quiet in the impala on the way back to the motel.

Young Dean was trying to quell the overwhelming need to get out of the car now. He was far too cornered.

Dean threw it in park outside their room, wasting no time opening his door.

Cas turned to look at young Dean, but he too was already outside of the car. He watched as his own door was opened for him.

"Come on, out." Dean walked to the back of the trunk and opened it.

Cas pulled himself out of the car, closing the door and standing outside. He didn't waste his breath trying to tell Dean it was fine. He was well aware it wouldn't work.

Young Dean was awkwardly standing on the other side of the car. "What can I do?" He asked softly, hoping to be given some task. Something to focus his mind.

"I've got it." Dean said flatly. He began to gather their bags, intent on taking them inside. He wasn't going to get much sleep, he might as well clean their guns. He ignored the sound of Jody's truck pulling in a few spaces away.

"I can grab something."

"I said I got it."

"I can help-"

Dean clenched his fist around the strap of his bag. "Don't you think you helped enough?"

"Listen-"

"No, you listen. You get what you just did?"

Young Dean's cheeks flushed red. "Yes."

"Do you?" Dean snapped. He threw the straps back down, the bags dropping into the trunk and dislodging the gun holding up the false floor. "I should never have let you come in the first place."

Cas closed his eyes. "Dean…"

Dean took a step forward, staring down at himself head on. "You almost got yourself killed out there. You were in over your head and you messed up."

Young Dean set his jaw, but he didn't say anything.

"It's not just your life on the line." Dean shook his head. "You get killed, it's not just your life. You never make it back, how many people don't we save? What happens to Sam?"

Cas sighed. "Dean…"

"No, I want to know. Was it worth it? Coming out here, trying to play hero? Were your stunning heroics worth risking everyone's lives? You really made a difference back there, didn't you."

"Dean." Cas said, more firmly. "Stop it." Cas stepped forward directly between the two Deans.

"Forget this." Dean snapped, slamming the trunk shut. "I need some air."

"Dean-" He watched the hunter leave, heading down the sidewalk and out of sight fairly quickly. He turned to look at young Dean only to get a glimpse of him as he rounded a different corner in the opposite direction. He made eye contact with Jody as she stepped out of the truck and frowned. He lifted a hand in the direction the older Dean went. "I'll-"

"Yeah." Jody said. "I'll check on him." She nodded her head back towards young Dean.

"Thank you." Cas said, sincerely. He turned and headed after Dean.

Claire dug into the back of the truck, pulling out the first aid kit. "You should take this…" She tossed it to Jody. "His hands got pretty messed up."

Garth shifted where he was. "We'll stay here I guess."

Jody nodded before turning after young Dean.

.

Once Cas caught up, he kept pace behind Dean, guessing Dean had noticed him, though he hadn't acknowledged him in any way. He waited for Dean to finally decide they had put enough distance on the motel.

Dean meanwhile was kicking himself for not stuffing Cas back in the impala and just taking off until he cleared his head a bit. The motel felt like it was right behind them, even after it was well out of sight. Walking along the road wasn't doing him any favors.

Cas watched Dean slow down, the long day catching up as his adrenaline finally began to melt away.

Dean finally came to a stop next to a bridge in a small grouping of boulders that marked the embankment of the river. It seemed a natural resting place, and Dean immediately allowed himself to halfway lean back against a rock. "What part of 'getting some air' didn't you get?" He griped, secretly grateful Cas was there.

Cas didn't say anything as he came up to stand next to Dean.

Dean sighed, looking at Cas' shoulder and then down to his hand. "Kind of rushed these. They holding up alright?"

"They're fine, Dean. I am already healing."

"Yeah, at a snail's pace. Did you get hurt anywhere else?"

"No."

Seemingly unsatisfied, Dean stood. He felt across Cas' shoulders and down his arms, patting the limbs to make sure nothing was missed. He looked down, catching the wet glint. He bent and brushed his finger across the tacky blood near his ankle, forcing up the pants. "You just forget about this one?"

"Dean, it does not need attention." He gave up, finally resigning himself to lean back as Dean shrugged out of his coat and overshirt before pulling a knife from his back pocket. "This is unnecessary."

Dean didn't respond, cutting a strip from the bottom of his shirt. He replaced them before he knelt down. He grabbed Cas' leg and propped it up on his knee.

Cas watched him begin to wrap the laceration, too proud to admit that Dean's assessment was correct; It wasin fact worse than he thought. He winced slightly as the bandage was tied off. "You are not to blame."

"I know." Dean said shortly, standing back up and giving Cas some space.

"He is not to blame." Cas stressed. "You should not have faulted him."

"If he hadn't-"

"He was disarmed." Cas cut Dean off when he tried to object. "A mistake we all have made. A mistake that technically you just made." He regretted it as soon as he said it, as he saw it confirm something in Dean's expression.

"Yeah, I know."

"No, you don't." Cas said, letting out his breath. "Dean, it's a mistake I just made with the same blade that went through my shoulder. It happens."

"He shouldn't have been out here in the first place."

"You want to help. It is in your nature. A werewolf case with a skilled hunter and an angel as backup was not high in risk."

Dean closed his eyes, unable to fight back the stab of guilt. "We went in and we didn't check our surroundings. We completely missed the cameras. They were right above our fucking heads."

"We all missed them."

"Our recon was weak and we got ambushed."

"We were at a disadvantage. In spite of that, twelve wolves are dead and everyone lived." He looked pointedly at Dean. "It wasn't his fault."

Dean didn't respond, instead staring off at the quiet river, dimly lit by the moonlight that managed to pierce through the haze. He shook himself out of it, looking down and gesturing at Cas' hand. "You need to worry about infection?"

"No."

"Are you lying to me?"

"No." Cas said, considering for a moment. "Tis but a scratch."

Dean nodded absently before he furrowed his brow. The far too dead-pan delivery took a moment to register before he recognized the quote. He looked up to meet Cas' eyes, unable to help a small smile as he caught on to Cas properly making a reference for once. "A scratch? Your arm's off."

"No it isn't."

Dean managed a gentle laugh, sighing and readjusting his lean against the boulder "Yeah, alright." He said, putting a hand up and leaving Cas be.

Cas sighed. "Though, I will not be able to heal him for some time."

"He's not going to let you heal him anyway, not unless he has to. He didn't let you heal his ribs, this won't be any different."

Cas looked down. "So you always have been stubborn."

"Guilty."

"His ribs… they were injured during your third week at the motel?"

His third week. Dean snapped his head up, smile fading amidst a growing dread as he worked though that tone. "You know." He said, numbly, barely above a whisper.

"Dean?"

"You know." He repeated, feeling a growing weight in his stomach as he reviewed the meaning. "That's what you saw in his head."

Cas watched Dean's expression. "Yes…"

"You didn't say anything…" The weight expanded, pushing against his lungs, making the air feel dangerously thin. "What exactly did you see?"

"I-" Cas froze, hearing the edge in Dean's voice and suddenly catching onto the fact he had crossed an unspoken line and was very much about to find out exactly what the consequences for that were.

"How much-"

"Your first stay at the motel." In its entirety.

Dean swallowed, a ringing in his ears rising to match the bitter taste on his tongue. And on week three he had needed more money to pay for the room.

"Dean…" Cas felt a punch to the gut as he watched Dean's expressions morph through the exact same ones he wore twenty-two years prior and just yesterday, learning he went to hell.

"I-" Dean had no idea what he was trying to say.

Cas watched Dean sway, making sure he steadied himself. "I am sorry." Cas said softly. "I should have told you."

"Yeah." Dean said weakly, voice shaking a bit. "You didn't say anything-" he repeated.

"I didn't think you would want your brother to know that memory, so I didn't mention it at the moment."

Dean pulled a face. "Yeah, sure. And after that?"

Dean was angry. Cas blinked. "If you had wished to talk about it, I assumed you would have…. Am I correct Sam doesn't know?"

"No… and he never will."

"Did anyone?"

"No." Dean said firmly. "No one." He took a slow breath. "You're the… I never told anyone."

Cas let the quiet settle in for a moment before looking back towards the motel. "The Dean out there… how much longer?"

"Two years." Dean swallowed. "Before I finally look old enough to go into some of the bars and hustle pool… Only once after that."

"Dean-"

"Don't." Dean warned sharply. The last thing he could handle right this second was pity in any form.

Both of them subconsciously lapsed into silence when they heard a car approaching. Dean passively watched it, the headlights sweeping over them both for a moment, leaving spots across Dean's vision when he focused back on the darkness.

Cas watched the light wash across Dean's face, completely blank save for the clearly barely restrained something.

"You can't let him know you know." Dean said, softly.

"I won't."

As much as Dean couldn't handle this right now, he knew his younger self would take it worse. He didn't have decades of distance for those scars to have faded slightly.

As he heard Cas take a breath, he braced himself, ready for whatever painful sympathy he was going to have to endure in spite of his warning.

"You loved your brother a lot." Cas said instead.

He understood; There was nothing he wouldn't have done to keep his brother safe.

Dean felt something inside him uncoil and he managed to steady himself slightly. The crushing wave of exhaustion that followed was punishing. He blinked as Cas was right in front of him and he was surprised to find himself being guided down to sit on one of the boulders.

Cas hesitated before he sat next to him, sliding over to give Dean some space but not moving too far away. Yesterday he had sit opposite Dean's younger self, watching him in a blind panic in the rain.

"He really can't know." Dean stressed. "He's uh… right now it's…" Dean swallowed, angry at how much trouble he was having to get a simple sentence together. "It's worse for him right now."

"He hadn't had to do that in a while." Cas said.

"Got picked up for stealing… Dad left me there, at this boy's home or whatever. Roof over my head, three meals a day, same school for months. He got a taste of a normal life. Sports, girlfriend, the whole nine."

"You were happy there."

"I mean, I missed Sammy something fierce but it was like…"

"You were free." Cas finished.

"Yeah." Dean said, feeling a familiar flash of shame. "I knew I was leaving him, but it was the first time I just got to look out for myself. I knew Dad wasn't going to drag Sam around with him alone. He was going to be safe at Bobby's or Uncle Jim's."

"I am surprised you were not left with Bobby more often as a child." Cas admitted.

"He wasn't always there." Dean said. "He hunted with Rufus a lot back then." He shook his head. "But when we were there, he used to let us be kids. Dad didn't like it. Said he was too soft on us."

"You were kids." Cas pointed out, confused.

"We were hunters first." Dean scuffed his foot against the ground. "Dad knew what was out there and wanted us prepared to defend ourselves."

"Couldn't you do both?"

"I don't know." Dean said dismissively. "Yeah, maybe, but no use talking about what could have been now."

"I suppose."

Dean leaned forward onto his knees, resting his head in his hands for a moment. "I know it wasn't his fault." He said at last. "I don't know why I can't… I just look at him and I see everything I ever fucked up, and I know it isn't his fault, it's just…"

"You are always too hard on yourself. It is easier when you can do it so directly."

Dean closed his eyes. "That's messed up." And he hated to admit it, true.

Castiel instead lifted his shoulder in a small shrug. "Perhaps."

Dean relented, tilted his head back. "Fuck."

Cas watched him drop his shoulders, slumping slightly. "We can stay out here for a bit."

"Thanks."

.

Young Dean unconsciously followed the path back towards the small smoking garden Cas had brought him to yesterday when he was in the throes of panic. His heart was racing again, but this time he was aware of his surroundings.

And at least it isn't raining.

He tensed when he heard the approaching steps behind him, kicking himself for not keeping moving, far enough no one would bother him. He turned around as Jody stepped past the outdoor ashtrays. "What, they send you after me?"

"No one sent me."

"Listen, Jody. You don't have to-"

Jody put her hand up, cutting him off. "If you want me to get lost, I'll get lost. But I would prefer if you let me at least take a look at those hands first."

Dean followed her gaze down, acutely feeling the pain as soon as he looked at them. He sighed, giving her a brief nod. "Fine."

"Thank you." Jody said gently, bringing the first aid kit with her and sitting down on the bench, gesturing for Dean to join her. She took his hands in hers, turning them over and frowning at the raw wounds. She pulled a water bottle from her bag, guiding Dean's hands to hover over the gravel. "I'm gonna rinse these out."

"Do what you have to."

Jody set to work, cleaning them as best she could. She didn't bother wasting her breath telling him he should have these looked at in a clinic. Knowing the now Dean and factoring in 'teenager' and she was just glad he was letting her do this at all.

Dean ignored the pain, staring off into the distance. "He's not wrong."

He was wrong. Yelling at you. "Everyone survived. I call that a win."

"Barely."

"Barely is enough."

"Cas almost got-"

"But he didn't." She cut him off. "And you weren't driving that car."

Young Dean shook his head. "It was stupid of me to come. He's right, if I die here, who knows what happens."

Jody shook her head. "Wanting to help isn't a bad thing."

"I didn't want to help, I wanted to get out of research."

Jody leveled her gaze on him. "Is that true?" There was no judgment in her tone, but there was an expectation.

Dean froze for a moment, but let his shoulders drop. "No." He conceded. "I don't know what I was thinking. I just saw a problem and I went for it."

"Six hunters saw a problem and went for it today." Jody said evenly. "And we managed to between us take down a dozen wolves on their own turf, even after we lost the element of surprise."

"Yeah and-"

"And we all had a close call at one point or another. Dean barely managed to pull one off Claire before she got bit. It's easy to stand here now and think of all the ways we could have done better, but it isn't like that in the moment."

Dean hissed as Jody moved up, finding where the werewolf had gotten him with her claws. "Yeah, maybe."

"These are right on the edge, but I think we can try to avoid stitches." She said, digging back into her kit for some steri-strips. If someone was going to do stitches, it was going to be the other Dean, and she wanted to avoid that if at all possible.

"They'll be fine." You Dean sank back slightly, finally relaxing against the back of the bench, letting Jody take care of it. "What happened before Garth and I got there?"

Jody continued to work, slowly patching up the length of the gashes. "There were a couple security cameras we missed on our way in. They knew we were there before they got there, shot the trailer we were hiding in to pieces."

"You guys were all okay?"

"You got a hole through your arm, but Cas took care of it."

"Yikes." He thought about it. Getting shot clean through the arm and then being healed. And the security cameras… "So they literally saw us coming."

"Like I said. We all missed something."

Dean was quiet, taking that in. His nerves were fried and he was starting to lose the facade. The gentle kindness was making it worse.

Jody began to wrap over her work with gauze. "That ought to do it." She said at last, stepping back and assessing her work. "Just keep an eye on it."

"Yeah, I know what to do." He said softly. He looked down. "And thank you." He fought against the heat he could feel building behind his eyes.

"Of course." She closed the kit back up. "Do you want to head back?"

"No. I think I'm gonna sit out here a while."

"You want company?" Jody already knew the answer.

"No. Thank you."

"Okay." She reached up, squeezing his shoulder briefly. "I'll catch you later."

.

Dean wasn't surprised to see his younger self outside their motel room, leaning against the door, no one else in sight. "Hey."

"Agree to never talk about it again?" His younger self offered; He'd never mention their exchange in the parking lot, Dean never mentions the trailer park.

"Deal." Dean said, easily, pulling out his room key and leading the way inside.

Cas followed, feeling a slight edge of exasperation watching both of them bury it so quickly.

Both Deans had spent much of their life living in close quarters crammed into motel rooms. Living with John and Sam wasn't easy, and they knew how to pack it away when they had to go back to living under the same roof.

Dean shrugged out of his coat and tossed it on the back of a chair. "We'll crash here tonight and head back in the morning." He sat down on the edge of the bed, starting to untie his boots.

"Sounds good to me."

Dean hesitated, looking his younger self over. "What's the damage?"

Young Dean looked down. "Scraped my hands."

"And the arm?"

"Wolf."

"Bite?"

Young Dean flattened his expression. "Do you feel like a werewolf?"

Dean rolled his eyes, kicking off his shoes. "Yeah, alright." He sighed. "You clean up first." He wasn't going to be able to shower with whatever wrap job Jody did, but he'd at least be able to get a little of the blood off. Dean had his own blood down his arm from the bullet wound Cas healed, but it could wait.

He caught Cas' eye once his younger self was locked away in the bathroom. "What?"

Cas tilted his head back. "Nothing."

"Good." Dean got up from the edge of the bed. "Here, give me that coat."

Cas shrugged out of his overcoat, handing it to Dean.

"Need to rinse it before the blood sets." He grabbed his and his younger self's coat and took them all to the sink. He started the water and dipped Cas' coat in first."It's an after-hunt tradition." He took a motel washcloth and began to scrub at the stain. "Normally it'd be every man for themselves, but I'm the only one with two working hands so I'll spare you both this once."

"Thanks."

Dean beamed a half grin. "I live to serve."

"That is very much untrue."

"Hand me that soap." Dean said, nodding towards the bar across the counter. He took it and began to work on the stains in earnest. "We're not going to get into details with Sam."

"Per your agreement with yourself?"

"Exactly."

"Fine."

"Thank you."

.

Jody watched Dean throw a duffel bag in the trunk of the impala. "You sure we can't get you guys some breakfast at the diner before you leave?"

"Nah, we'll grab something on the road. We have a couple of Sams waiting for us back at the bunker. We should probably actually sit down and sort out our own mess."

"You give us a call if you need any help with that."

"Thanks, Jody."

Garth leaned against his own car, crossing his arms. "You can give me a call too. I'll keep my ear to the ground, see if anyone has heard anything that might help you out."

"Don't draw too much attention to it."

"No, of course not. Just gonna kick a few rocks, keep it vague."

Cas walked over, tossing young Dean's bag in the back next to Dean's and stepping back so Dean could close and lock the trunk. "We are packed out of the motel room."

Dean straightened up. "Good."

Garth looked down at his watch. "I'm going to head over and do a last pass. Make sure the camera feeds only went to their phones."

"You got them all?"

"I did." Jody said. "All twelve."

Dean nodded. "You'll break and toss 'em?"

"Of course." She said, "One state over."

"Awesome."

Garth straightened up. "I'll catch you guys later."

"You be safe." Jody said as she was pulled in for a hug.

Garth turned to Cas next, a large grin across his face. "I'm glad I finally got to meet you. Come here."

Cas tensed, looking down awkwardly at the unexpected hug.

Dean bit back a laugh before he watched the werewolf's attention fall back on him. He rolled his eyes. "Fine."

"Really?"

"If you promise to spare the children." Dean said flatly.

"Oh alright." Garth said, not hesitating to walk up and embrace Dean, receiving a small pat on the back. "Adios, mi amigos." He slipped into his car.

The three moved back to give Garth room to get out and head off. Jody looked over Cas. "You okay?" The bandage on his shoulder was mostly obscured by his coat, but the bandage on his right hand was fairly obvious.

"I will be fine in a matter of days." Cas replied.

"Good." She looked across the parking lot where young Dean was sitting on the bench in front of the office. "Things okay with him?" She asked, keeping her tone gentle but looking directly at Dean.

"Yeah." Dean said. "We're good."

"Alright."

Across the parking lot, Claire walked over to the bench where young Dean was sitting, watching the group from afar. "How are the hands?"

"They'll be fine." Young Dean said dismissively.

"Whatever." She hopped up to sit on the back of the bench, her feet resting on the seat next to him. "So you think you and your Sam will get home soon?"

"Yeah. Sam says we must've gotten back soon enough that it wasn't obvious we were older."

"That could still probably be months."

He winced. "Well, let's just hope not."

After a second, she swung her knee sideways, shoving his uninjured shoulder a bit. "You know, you don't entirely suck either."

"Gee, thanks."

"No problem."

Young Dean rolled his eyes.

Claire looked up, seeing the older Dean walk with Jody to help her move bags and Cas break away from the conversation. Claire hopped off the bench, heading over to catch him. "Hey."

Cas turned to her, giving her a small smile. He looked her over briefly. "You were uninjured in the fight?"

"Not a scratch." She frowned. "Well, not many scratches." She hesitated for a moment. "It was kinda cool seeing you again." She said, trying to keep her tone casual.

"I am glad to see you are doing well."

"Yeah…" She looked back for a moment. "Jody is pretty great." She wrinkled her nose for a second. "Even Alex is alright." She admitted reluctantly.

"You may contact me at any time."

"Yeah." Claire said. She watched Dean start heading their way. "I'll try to text more. You're almost getting the hang of it."

Dean caught up to them. "Hey."

"I was just telling Cas we should do this again sometime."

Dean grinned. "Well if you ever need us to come in and save the day, just give us a call."

"Hey. It's gonna be me saving your ass."

"In your dreams."

Claire stuck her tongue out for a second. She heard Jody closing the back of the truck and straightened up. "Looks like we're hitting the road."

"Us too." Dean said. "You're all packed. Hey, tell Donna and Alex we say hi."

"I might." Claire said. She looked up, hesitating for a moment before moving forward and catching Cas in a hug. She turned to Dean next, moving more slowly but accepting a brief hug from him as well. She began to walk with them. "Keep an eye on each other." She nodded back towards young Dean. "Him too."

"You got it."

Jody looked up when Claire headed back to the truck, both Deans and Cas not far behind. She caught young Dean's eyes. "It was nice to meet you."

"You've already met me." Young Dean objected.

Jody paused. "Either way."

"Thanks, Jody." Young Dean said, sincerely.

"Of course." She said softly. "Alrighty." She said at last. "Let's get this show on the road. We'll see you guys later."

Dean smiled. "Goodbye Jody." He stepped back as Jody guided the truck out of her spot. He turned back to Cas and his younger self. "Let's go home."