AN: Have you guys watched Class? Is it any good, if you have? It's just - I haven't watched it, but if some of you have and you want me to do a crossover, then I'll go watch it and do one. And not a bitter, angry, parodical crossover like any time I write in Old Twelvey, but some fond pastiche, like when I did Alien or Bioshock before.

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

Oswin

"I'm telling you, we should be going at least thirty-two knots," the Ninth Doctor argued with River Song, both of them fighting for command of the Vinsomer – that was, of Adam Mitchell's yacht, which was apparently named after some fictional dragon, she had been told.

"Not with these wind speeds – you've already pushed me up from twenty-five to twenty-eight," River argued right back with him. They were there bickering, River sitting in the singular captain's chair, or driver's seat, or whatever you wanted to call it (Oswin wasn't very up-and-coming with her knowledge of boats), Nine trying to grab the wheel off of her. Nios sat perfectly straight on the arm of the fancy pleather sofa, while Oswin was lying across it with Mickey slouched similarly at the other end. It curved around behind the seat the Doctor and River were fighting over and gave a nice view out of the windows at the dark, cloudy sky and the fog.

"Is this how you two flirt with each other?" Oswin asked them, interrupting their argument. They both looked at her, somewhat affronted, and she narrowed her eyes, "Are you even together, or is that some rumour you like to perpetuate? Are we at present witnessing the 'fiery flames of passion' that keep the spice in your relationship?" Quite possibly, before she added that last part, they may have actually answered. But they got annoyed, and refused to. Instead, she turned to Mickey, "You'll know all about the fiery flames of passion though, won't you?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Will you stop asking people personal questions?" Nios quipped next to her, "Why didn't we bring your sister along to make you behave…" She pouted and slouched down. There was a television hanging down overhead, one which could retract in and out of the ceiling at the push of a button, and she was idly flicking through channels at lightning speed with the remote. Nobody was paying her much mind.

"I just want the details on what Martha's like in bed, is that too much to ask?"

"Yes!" Mickey protested, "Why do you want to know!?"

"Because your wife is hot! In both senses of the word!" Oswin said, "Come on, you're not going to tell me anything? You're just as bad as my sister when she refuses to tell me the size of her husband's-"

"Okay, that's enough talking from you," Nios cut her off, "Just find something to distract yourself with until we leave, no doubt there won't even be anything here." River and Nine were back to fighting over how fast they were going. Apparently now it had been pushed up to a compromise of thirty knots, except Nine was going on how they could definitely manage just fine at forty. River told him off for getting 'over-excited' about the Bermuda Triangle.

"Fine. I'll distract myself. Does anyone know what number the good porn channels are?" Oswin asked the room at large, still channel surfing absently.

"Give me that," Nios snatched the remote out of her hand and switched the television off, "Honestly, you're like a toddler."

"I can't believe that you're humanity's best and brightest," Mickey remarked, and Oswin flashed him a grin.

"It is pretty unbelievable how amazing I am," she said.

"Can't you read a book, or something?" River asked her.

"If by 'book' you mean Playboy, then yes – if only my boyfriend were the type of person to keep stashes of pornography on board his fancy boat. Now, if this were Clara's boat, it would be chock-full of certain, uh, risqué materials. And dildos."

"We really should have just nicked someone else's boat and left you at home," Nine grumbled. She was a little hurt by that. Surely she wasn't that bad for company, was she? Regardless, she actually put a sock in it, and wondered if maybe she should start to think before she spoke. She had always been terrible at doing that, though. Her older brother had tried to get her kicked out of their mother's third wedding for what a pain she was being during the reception. Still, she thought her quips must be more interesting than listening to River and Nine weird-flirt. At least when she flirted with somebody you could tell she was flirting. Not like this travesty.

"Is this real leather?" Mickey asked. It took Oswin a second to realise he was asking her.

"No," she answered.

"Can Adam not afford real leather?"

"I don't know – I'm sure he could," she shrugged. Mickey was looking around, awestruck. Oswin narrowed her eyes at him.

"How rich is Adam Mitchell?"

"He's a software billionaire," Oswin said, and Mickey's jaw dropped.

"A billionaire?"

"Well – yeah – or, he would be, but he gives a lot to charity. He's really only a multimillionaire after all his donations."

"'Only' a multimillionaire?"

"I don't mean it like that – he's very charitable. Why are you so interested in his money? Don't try and get him to buy you things. Honestly, if you take advantage of that boy and his generosity, you'll have me to deal with. And I'm a mass-murderer." The way Mickey looked at her when she said that, it was like he didn't even know anything about her sordid life and her many crimes.

"I knew he was rich, I just never thought he was this rich," Mickey said. Oswin laughed.

"He's been a billionaire since he was twenty-two, that makes him the world's youngest billionaire. In your time, at least," Oswin said. Mickey looked at Oswin like he was in the presence of a celebrity, just because she was dating somebody with such an obscene amount of wealth. "He didn't even tell me til, like, three days after we were together."

"Does he have a private jet?"

"What? No. Where's he gonna fly to?"

"How many cars has he got?"

"I don't know. He has a Batmobile. He doesn't let anybody drive it, though, he keeps it on display, along with his DeLorean and his Ecto-1," Oswin said. Mickey continued to stare at her. She sighed and said, mostly to herself, "He's so cute." Speaking of her boyfriend, she thought, he would probably be awake by now. She'd had to leave him a note – one of her trademark scrawled messes he undoubtedly wouldn't be able to decipher, because nobody could read her handwriting save for Jenny – explaining how she had 'borrowed' his yacht to investigate the Bermuda Triangle.

Lo and behold, she had a string of texts from him when she checked her phone a moment later, Mickey still ogling the upholstery. They began: What did that note say? and: Is this something about my yacht? Where are you? then: Oswin have you stolen Vinsomer!?

Oswin replied: I've BORROWED Vinsomer. Adam must have been agitatedly waiting for his phone to go off, or something, because he responded almost immediately: Why would you take MY yacht and not me!?

She said: I don't know. But I'm regretting it. I wish you were here :(

Then he responded: You should have woken me up then.

Mickey is asking me questions about how much money you have.

You took Mickey and not me!? Who else is there!?

It's only me, Mickey, River, Nios and Nine.

'ONLY'?

"Well you don't look happy," Nios interrupted her and her texting.

"I'm in trouble," she muttered, "Which is ridiculous, because I just assumed that as his girlfriend it's my intrinsic right to be allowed access to all of his possessions at all times with or without his permission."

"That's not how relationships work," Mickey said.

"I know exactly how relationships work, thank you very much. You don't have to patronise me just because I'm mentally ill," she said coolly. Then she put a real dampener on the mood, apparently, and none of them seemed all that happy with her. She texted Adam Mitchell: When ur hot girlfriend borrows ur luxury yacht without asking #justrichboyproblems. He didn't reply. She wrote: I love you. Still nothing, so she drew out the big guns and sent him a whole row of various heart emojis.

Adam said: Leave me alone.

She replied: Do you love me? and he proceeded to relent, begrudgingly answering: Yes. Smiling to herself, she put her phone away, and then realised she was under Nios's scrutiny.

"I don't understand the point of boyfriends," she said, "They seem like a lot of meaningless work."

"Maybe you're a lesbian," River suggested to her.

"River!" Oswin exclaimed, "Don't go getting me all excited by suggesting things like Nios being a lesbian." When she glanced at Nios, though, Nios was looking a little uneasy, if thoughtful; staring away into the middle-distance. "Am I at present witnessing a crisis of sexual identity? Because, Ni, if there's anything I can do to help you with what you're going through, feel free to let me know."

"Which, presumably, means you want her to get you off," River sighed.

"No! That wouldn't work. The reverse would, though," Oswin said, then she put her hand on her heart and said, mock-sincerely, "Nios, if you ever want me to put my tongue, or my fingers, or any other part of my anatomy, anywhere near you, I'll take the bullet and do it." Nios scoffed indignantly.

"You know if you flirt back with her she loses all power in the conversation?" River advised.

"I don't know how to flirt," Nios said coolly.

"I'll teach you how to flirt," Oswin said, "All we'll need is a rake, a pianoforte, and a butterfly."

"Oswin, be quiet. Leave the girl alone," River ordered her. Oswin got annoyed by that, as she always was when anybody told her to be quiet. Seeing Nine had now wrangled possession of the wheel, Oswin bitterly told him he was absolutely forbade from taking the Vinsomer above thirty knots, regardless of what its top speed actually was. She agreed with Nios, anyway; they probably wouldn't find anything at all.

"Is there a swimming pool on here?" Mickey persisted with his questions regarding Adam's personal items.

"Yes; it has a glass bottom, you can see the sea through it," Oswin answered. She had been made to have a nice, fun tour of this yacht earlier on in the week, after her boyfriend decided to drag it onto the TARDIS 'just in case.' In case of what, she didn't know – impromptu expeditions into the Bermuda Triangle? "I hate the sea. Ever since that stuff with that squid."

"Tell me about it," Mickey muttered, "At least you didn't nearly drown yesterday on the Titanic."

"…Fair enough. What was that like, anyway?" she asked.

"Cold," was all he said, "Didn't get much time to look around."

"Leave it to you to get caught up in one of the most important events of the Twentieth Century and not pay attention," Nine commented. Mickey scowled.

"Someone was trying to kill me."

Nine tutted, "Excuses, excuses." Oswin laughed. She thought she felt the yacht slowing down steadily.

"What was that fight about yesterday?" River, who had now relinquished control of the Vinsomer since Oswin had given them a speed limit and there was nothing for she and Nine to be arguing about anymore, asked. She was looking at Oswin, Oswin was looking at her, but did not quite realise that she was being spoken to.

"Oh – you're asking me?"

"Obviously you."

"What fight?"

"Between Rose and Clara," Mickey explained, "Everyone heard it."

"I didn't hear it," Nios said, "What was it about?" They all had their eyes on Oswin now.

"…It's not really my business," Oswin said, "And it's not any of yours, either. Or Rose's. Basically, she thinks that the time vortex 'telling' her things gives her a right to go sticking her nose in where it's not wanted. And I don't think Clara was very happy about Rose trying to kill her, either." Although, Clara had been very happy with her sensual encounter with one Jane Austen, despite the fact it didn't make any sense why Jane Austen would be all over her, since they had never met before and Clara was supposed to be happily married to the Doctor for years to come. She had, since last night, been wrestling with guilt over it – just as bad as with Thirteen – and wondering whether or not she ought to tell her husband. As far as Oswin was aware, she hadn't told Eleven anything yet (but she definitely should.)

"Well," Nine interrupted with a subject change, "This is where your 'contact' said the ship went off radar." The yacht definitely had been slowing down, and had come to a neat halt in the middle of cold, stagnant waters. It was dark outside, and they were surrounded by a thick fog. Just the kind of dangerous weather conditions ships and planes always disappeared in, but that wasn't to do with anything 'spooky' going on.

"So what are we gonna do? Just float here until something happens?" Mickey asked.

Nios muttered, "I think you mean until nothing happens."

"We should scan the area," Nine declared.

"With what?" River asked.

"Echolocation. Sonar."

"It doesn't have sonar – it's a luxury yacht," Oswin said. He was aghast by that. "What!? You were looking for a boat and I offered you a boat! It seems to me like what you're really after is a submarine."

"Does your boyfriend not have a luxury submarine?" Mickey asked.

"No he does not," Oswin said, "That's the last thing I need – more water."

"Do luxury submarines even ex-" The boat rocked. Didn't just rock, felt like something had knocked it from underneath. Oswin's thoughts immediately conjured up the image of her ex-girlfriend and that damn squid. She hoped they weren't going to have another sea monster on their hands. Her hand went for her cane and she sat up from where she had been lying down, all of them looking uneasy now.

Oswin losing consciousness from the result of some electromagnetic interference happened as quickly as one could blink. One second they were all there, in the Vinsomer, and the next she saw an enormous pale-green light erupt out of the depths around them. There was but a microscopic increment between the emergence of this ghastly light, illuminating vividly all of the fog and the waves, and between all of the electronics on board the yacht cutting off. And there were a lot of electronics on board that boat, not in the least Oswin Oswald, but also Nios and River Song.