One for the Radio

Esther

If you were to ask Esther Drummond in that instant why she had found herself, again, following Sally Sparrow into almost-certain danger, she wouldn't be able to tell you. She was never able to explain why she kept wandering into these risky situations, and Brigadier Kate Lethbridge-Stewart's presence skulking around Hollowmire just made her even more conscious of what kind of idiocy they were tagging along with this time. Nothing good was going to come of wandering to the Mermaid in the middle of the night, she was sure.

"Nothing good is going to come of wandering to the Mermaid in the middle of the night, Sally," she said pointedly, "I'm sure." Sally was already annoyed at her because she'd put on heels that made them the same height, and this rendered Sally unable to make fun of Esther for being short, and mocking Esther for being short was probably Sally's favourite past-time. Sometimes Esther would check her phone idly to see she had been sent a text telling her she was short, by a thirty-year-old woman who was in the very same room.

"Not when you're going to trip in those heels of yours," Sally retaliated. She didn't like Esther telling her that things were bad ideas. Esther didn't know why she still did tell Sally things were bad ideas, because she was sure that just made Sally want to whatever they were even more. It was counter-productive. "Why are you wearing those things?"

"They're called 'shoes', and because normally we hang around with Jenny and Clara and I don't need them," she said, "But how are those two even supposed to hear me from so far above?" she indicated Donna and the Doctor. The Doctor had been paying close attention to Donna ever since the incident with the knife in the kitchen, which had somehow rendered her able to read the unknown language written on the knife and on the sign above the mineshaft.

"It's not our fault you're short," Donna said.

"I never said it was!"

"You did, you're always telling me," Sally said, "Just last night you said to me, 'God, Sal, y'know I really wish Donna and the Doctor didn't make me so short.' Those were your exact words." Sally mimicked Esther's accent. She really liked mimicking peoples' accents, she often did it to Clara and Dylan.

The Mermaid crept out of the fog towards them almost as if it was its own, living thing, swimming through the gloom and coming to settle there among the late-night dew and the mist. Maybe Esther seeing the world this way was a by-product of her exhaustion, but she didn't mind. She was getting used to being woken up by Sally in the middle of the night, anyway.

"I still don't understand what's going on with you and James Elliott," Donna persisted. She was after something juicy to talk about, clearly, bored of just listening to Sally make fun of whatever she felt like.

"Nothing," she said firmly.

"He kissed her," Esther said, revealing this 'secret' in retaliation for Sally mocking her. Sally glared at her, and she feigned innocence. Donna's face broke into a grin.

"Oh did he?"

"Yeah, alright, it was weeks ago, I pushed him away – it wasn't really anything to do with me," Sally muttered, then she shot a look at Esther and said, "I'd rather not talk about it." As it happened, she didn't have to talk about it, because the Doctor shushed them all as they approached the pub. Then he stopped, put his hands in his trouser pockets, and stared at it. Donna did a similar thing, an act of examination. Sally and Esther exchanged a confused look.

"Aren't you gonna go in?" Esther asked.

"They don't bite," Sally said.

"I wouldn't put anything past these cultists," he said, which annoyed Esther. So the Followers of Oc'thubha were a bit unconventional, that didn't mean they were murderers. Well, she supposed, somebody had been murdered, that was a fact, and no doubt if Sally had gotten a better look at the assailant she'd probably be able to recognise them. But as it stood, they didn't know who it had been.

Sally whispered to Esther so that the other two couldn't hear, "And people say I'm crazy," then rolled her eyes at the two members of the TARDIS crew. She prodded Esther in the back, "Let's just go," and Esther followed her towards the Mermaid.

"Don't go in without us," Donna called.

"Stop surveying the area then, it's fine, me and Clara are here all the time," Sally said indifferently.

"You and Clara? Go to the pub together?" Donna asked in disbelief.

"We're friends, and Jenny and Esther don't drink," Sally shrugged. Then Donna gawked in horror, but at Esther now. Esther frowned.

"You don't drink!?" she exclaimed.

"Uh, no," Esther said.

"Like, never? Not anything?"

"No."

"Nothing?"

"Why is that so hard for people to understand? You know alcohol is poison, right?" Esther said, rehashing an old 'lecture' of hers as they approached the pub and Sally, who had heard this a hundred times before, held the door open. The pub was moderately full. Hollowmire was a pretty nocturnal place. "Drinking it literally has no benefits at all."

"It's fun," Donna said.

"What's fun about drinking literal toxins and making it so you don't even know how to take care of yourself properly? Do you know how many times Sally has nearly set the house on fire trying to make eggs at four in the morning?" Esther questioned, "It's a lot of times." Sally bit her lip guiltily.

"I don't get it," Donna continued.

"It's kind of depressing to need to be inebriated to enjoy anything," Esther shrugged, "I enjoy stuff perfectly fine without killing all my brain cells. And all my brain cells already died before, I don't want them to die twice. You know that seven-and-a-half million people in this country don't even know how much damage alcohol could be doing to them? And that in 2013 a million people were hospitalised just because of alcohol-related illness or injury?" Donna stared at her.

"Why do you just know that?"

"She's a sponge for depressing statistics," Sally answered, "She has statistics for everything. Do one about teeth."

"The average adult in the UK has seven fillings."

"I have eleven," Sally beamed, "So I think I'm winning."

"Okay, tooth decay is not a competition," Esther said as they entered the Mermaid. She had been in there a few times before, though, because they did good food if you went late in the evening, and every so often Jenny managed to convince the kitchen staff not to serve any garlic while Clara was there. And she was always so bubbly and polite, they had to accept. Plus, she ate so much with her alien metabolism that it was like hosting a private function whenever she showed up for dinner.

"It's basically a really shit party trick," Sally said.

"I'm serious about the alcohol. Nine million people just in England drink more than they should daily."

"I don't get it, why do you know statistics about England and the UK? You're from Washington."

"I just look those sorts of things up; I have a lot of free time when Sally doesn't need a babysitter." Then the conversation was dropped as the Doctor stared around the room, clearly looking for anything even remotely out of the ordinary. A few people looked over at them and smiled, mainly at Sally, who was a regular. Esther was a regular in the respect that a few times she had to come and drag Sally home and make sure Clara didn't try to drink anyone's blood.

"Sally! The usual?" the man behind the bar called over immediately.

"Oh, no," Sally said, walking right over, because it was her local pub and she frequented it. She wasn't paranoid about the presence of any imaginary cultists, like Ten and Donna were. "Wait, I don't know, maybe a mojito…"

"No mojitos, we're on business," Esther said.

"Are the mojitos nice here?" Donna asked.

"Donna!" the Doctor exclaimed.

"What?" she asked innocently. Esther thought she saw him mouth the word 'cult' at her, and she dropped her quest for booze.

"At least let me drink to the happy couple, at least," the bartender, whose name was Alec, which Esther knew because he was always the one to call her when Clara got a bit funny when she was too drunk, said, "Just a cranberry juice, though."

"Happy couple?" Donna asked.

"I keep telling you, we're not a couple," Sally reiterated.

"You and James?" Donna interrupted again.

"No, me and Esther," she said, nodding at Esther, like Donna didn't know who Esther was. These assumptions by Alec didn't bother her; she was quite used to it, and it was all quite friendly. "I keep saying, you're getting us mixed up with Jenny and Clara."

"That sounds odd," Ten said, "Jenny and Clara. Like they're a… unit. A hive-mind."

"Calling two people in a relationship a 'hive-mind' is a bit cynical," Esther remarked, "Especially when one of them is your daughter."

"Daughter?" Alec, who really was pouring himself a cranberry juice, inquired.

"This is the Doctor, he's Jenny's dad," Sally said.

"Oh, really?" Alec grinned, and then said, "I thought Jenny hates her dad? That's what Clara always says, she's always saying how she wishes the Doctor would pay more mind of Jenny."

"What!?" Ten exclaimed, "I pay her lots of mind!"

"Alright, no you don't," Donna said, "And that's not important, talk to Jenny yourself, she is back on the TARDIS."

"And she didn't tell me…"

"We're here to look into something, Alec," Sally changed the subject, sitting on one of the barstools, Esther standing behind her. "Although, do you have any crisps?" He nodded. "Esther, can I have some crisps?"

"What? No!" Esther protested, "I'm not buying you anything after you woke me up."

"Ah, trouble in paradise," Alec said, tapping the side of his nose knowingly, "We don't judge in Hollowmire, Oc'thubha wouldn't allow discrimination based on anybody's orientation."

"We're not a couple…" they both mumbled half-heartedly. Esther continued, "Whatever – we heard somebody got stabbed in the cemetery." Silence fell in the Mermaid, which was normally a very quaint little pub. Apart from people were always eating an awful lot of baked goods – cupcakes and flowers made of fondant.

"Now, now, that's all internal affairs, Esther," Alec said seriously, "It's being taken care of." Creepy.

"Sorry, how do you know him?" the Doctor asked.

"Oh my god – we live here," Sally repeated to him, "I go to the pub at least once a week with Clara. She doesn't have anything else to do when Jenny's away, she normally just watches Kitchen Nightmares and the late repeats of A Place in the Sun."

"Well we're investigating," Ten said to Alec, "We're the official, uh, investigatory people. Who investigate."

"Investigators," Donna added knowingly.

"Exactly. Investigators. Like alligators, but with less scales." In the background there was a radio playing an unusual selection of music, because it kept jumping between the latest chart-toppers to Bach and then to 1980s power ballads. The music was always odd in the Mermaid, though, and it the radiator was always switched on. Esther once asked Alec why, and he said, 'just in case.' Whatever that meant.

"There's something about you," Alec said to Donna.

"Me?" she asked, "I'm married, mate."

"I don't think he's coming onto you," Sally said to her. Donna was affronted.

"Why wouldn't he be coming onto me? Just because I don't have blonde hair and dimples like the pair of you doesn't mean I'm completely undesirable for men."

"That isn't what I said at all," Sally said.

"The two of you might be twins," she added, looking between the Spooks.

"What about Donna?" Ten asked Alec.

"Just something. A feeling. We don't normally permit outsiders to see the scripture of Oc'thubha, not those unchosen like Sally and Esther here, but… I'm not so sure you are an outsider. Would you like a leaflet for our masses? They're held twice-weekly in the fallout shelter."

"In the what?" Donna asked, as though she had misheard.

"The fallout shelter. Every self-respecting village should have a fallout shelter, in case of the apocalypse or nuclear extermination," Alec said, "Or a census." He smiled while he talked, and sounded completely amiable. Donna and the Doctor didn't question the fallout shelter in Hollowmire any further. Come to think of it, Esther had never questioned it, either. She thought it spoke to an odd level of paranoia, but the hearts of the people who built it were in the right place. Besides, she lived with Sally Sparrow, and Sally Sparrow hoarded doomsday supplies in their cellar and didn't believe in the moon landing.

"I'll fetch the scroll," Alec said, and then he slid away into a door behind the bar. Esther wondered where that door went, because the door to the kitchen was on the other side of the room. Storage or something, maybe. She didn't think about it too much.

"Scroll?" Donna asked. People around the room were giving them studious looks, but nobody seemed hostile, which was obviously the way Ten was expecting people to act. Nobody answered Donna, and momentarily Alec had returned holding a book even larger and spookier than Hollowmire: A Supernatural History. And that was some feat.

"That doesn't look anything like a scroll," Ten said.

"It's a conceptual thing, a postmodern reinterpretation of a scroll. Oc'thubha is very interested in the impacts of surrealism on contemporary society, it used to be called a 'book,'" Alec explained, holding it out to Donna, "It's sacred."

"And why are you giving it to me?" Donna asked. Alec said nothing, just smiled warmly, and finally Donna took it out of his hands. The cover was embossed with symbols Esther couldn't read. The same symbols from the knife, and the sign, and they were written in the same unearthly colour everybody found impossible to descript.

"Can you read it?" Ten asked, and Donna nodded. Alec was right, there really was something about Donna, but why she could read it and nobody else could remained a mystery at that moment. Donna opened it carefully, a cloud of dust floated up to make them all cough as they leant over to try and get a look at the characters as she translated them.

Quietly, engrossed in this unheard of object, Sally asked, "What does it say?"

"It says," Donna began, slowly, squinting a little, concentrating, "One-one-zero-G, slash four-O-Z, of… butter or… margarine… one-one-zero-G of sugar… 2 eggs – this is a recipe for fairy cakes!" she exclaimed. Sally slid the book towards her like she could read it, and then seemed to realise she couldn't, and let it go.

"Oc'thubha is fond of sweet foods, He teaches us that they have positive effects on the human soul," Alec said knowingly.

"Alright mate, this isn't exactly what I'd call a 'holy book,'" she said.

"Oc'thubha teaches kindness. Baked goods are a perfect way to achieve kindness."

"That must be why Doris brings us all that shortbread…" Sally said like she had had a meaningful epiphany, then she turned to Esther said, "It's kind of disappointing we're not 'chosen' now. I wonder why that is…"

Esther had previously taken note of the radio always playing in the Mermaid, and of Alec's cryptic explanation that it was turned on 'just in case.' Her question of, just in case of what, was all of a sudden answered. In a very ambiguous way. The music cut and was replaced by buzzing static, a lot like the static that came out of their television at home whenever it randomly switched itself on. And again, she knew this wasn't anything to do with her status as the Lightning Girl. She could always tell when she was accidentally manipulating the electricity in something.

Alec and every other patron and worker in the Mermaid froze and stared, stared dead ahead into space silently, at nothing at all. It was like time had stopped, and whatever they heard didn't reach the ears of Sally or Esther or the Doctor, or even Donna, who was the enigma in the room. This static episode didn't last for very long, it couldn't be thirty seconds at all, and it unnerved Esther a whole lot less than one might think everybody in a room stopping and becoming hypnotised by white noise would. I Need a Hero resumed playing, and they all returned to themselves.

"Your presence has been requested by Oc'thubha himself. All four of you," Alec said, "He gave us the message."

"Sorry, he gave you a message? Through the radios?"

"He is a fan of mass communication, and the coming-together of society a wide broadcasting range symbolises," Alec informed. What the heck was this 'Oc'thubha' of their 'religious society'? It was all getting a bit weird. Or, weirder. Esther supposed it was already pretty weird to begin with…